When the Red X is on the Door
by MADAM BETH
Summary: Post Mockingjay. Katniss and Peeta rebuild their relationship while trying to deal with the trauma of having been through the horrors of their lives since being reaped into the Hunger Games. They are there for each other when nightmares creep in the dark, but how does Katniss know when it is not safe for Peeta to be near her because of his hijacking? When the red X is on the door.
1. Chapter 1

**When the Red X is on the Door**

My little son smiles up at me from the dough boys and girls he plays with by the light of a fire. Light emanating from the same fireplace where, less than a decade ago, that little son's father and I privately toasted a loaf of bread to seal our union. A tradition from a district wiped nearly clean off the earth, but the district we called home nonetheless. Haymitch was there for the official marriage, of course. A witness (which required him to stay sober for a nearly unbearable morning) to the legality of the marriage since he and Greasy Sae were the only two people we would allow at the small, Justice Building ceremony, and as a member of the strange little family we had slowly become over the course of two Hunger Games, a war and a large helping of irreparable physical and psychological damage.

"Mama play. Be's a girl doll!"

Over the course of my wedding daydream, my baby boy has toddled over on his chubby legs to thrust a sourdough stick figure into my face. His 2-year-old idea of a completely acceptable and friendly invitation to join in his game of make believe, I'm sure. I stroke his shaggy blonde head and try to come up with a counter offer that won't end with me on my hands and knees, speaking in my best animated baked-good voice…whatever that sounds like…when my daughter suddenly flits into the room. Her long chocolate hair is whipping behind her in the single side-braid she insists upon having it tied in whenever she's feeling 'Mommy-ish'.

"Bow, why don't you take your brother to play on the porch for a little before Daddy has breakfast ready?" I ask between good morning kisses as she climbs up into my lap on the couch.

The brother in question looks up hopefully, already distracted from his dough couple, when my heart misses a beat as I turn my gray eyes toward the dazzling blues my little girl inherited from Peeta. The look I see in those eyes is one I have seen several times in the 5-and-a-half years since she was born.

"Daddy can't make breakfast today…. the red X is on the door." She says this simply but with the edge of suspicion I always hear in her voice when she sees the wooden letter dangling from the doorknob of the bedroom I share with Peeta. We've never told her what it really means, only that when it appears, Daddy isn't feeling well and shouldn't be around us until he's better.

I give her the brightest smile I can manage under the circumstances she's just described to me which as usual, doesn't fool her for a second.

"Oh. Okay, well you'll have to eat yucky mommy breakfast then, ewww!" I say playfully cradling her in my arms and tickling her sides.

She giggles happily, her questions about the mysterious red letter momentarily forgotten.

"My Momma!" My son, whom Peeta sulkily admits is more infatuated with me than even he himself is, hauls himself up onto the couch beside us and wriggles his way into my lap as well.

I can't help rolling my eyes when he wraps his arms tightly around my neck and presses one of his soft, pudgy baby cheeks to my shoulder. Next, he reaches out to play with his (and my) favorite piece of jewelry and I bring his little fingers to my lips, kissing them gently.

"Pearl." He says testing out one of his newest words and tugs gently on the chain holding Peeta's pearl in its place of honor around my neck.

"Gentle, baby. Daddy gave me that. It's sooooo special." I whisper and beep his nose which makes him giggle. Unfortunately, my mention of his father brings to the child's attention that someone is indeed missing from his family circle.

"Dada?" he asks lifting his head and looking around the living room. My smile is weaker than the one his sister received a few moments ago, but he's younger and already thinks everything I do and say is the most marvelous thing ever so he doesn't question my motives as his sister is beginning to. I couldn't bear to have him or Bow find out any earlier than necessary what horrors lay in their parents' pasts. She, in her first year of formal schooling, has already been introduced to the basics of what the Hunger Games were and knows that we were somehow involved in them. I dread the day when they begin asking questions neither I nor Peeta wants to answer.

"He doesn't feel good, Finn." Bow says quickly hopping off of my lap and dancing over to scoop up her brother's dolls.

"Come on, I'll be the sister and you be the brother." She takes him by the hand and after one more snuggle to tide him over until the next, he follows her as loyally as Peeta has ever followed me out the screen door at the front of the house.

Bow and Finnick.

The children I never thought I'd want, but whom I can't possibly imagine my life without now. It was never a question of whether I liked children. It was through numerous phone sessions with Dr. Aurelius and late night conversations with Peeta, that I was able to admit why, in the world we had lived in before the war, I didn't want children. The idea of loving _anything_ as much as I would love my child, without being able to protect it from everything in the world that could hurt it, was more terrifying an idea to me than any horror I had faced so far in my young life.

When I finally agreed to them, I insisted on choosing their names myself. My firstborn I named for the tool with which I fed my family for years and used through two arenas in order to keep myself and her father alive. She wouldn't be in the world if not for my ability to use a bow and so it seemed fitting that the name of our first child should honor that. My son, I named for a dear friend and fellow tribute lost in the war. A friend who had helped to keep me sane during those dark months when Peeta was in the Capitol's possession. Annie Odair, the wife of that friend, had suggested the name not having been able to give it to her own son who was born the spitting image of his dead father. It seems that was hard enough a reminder of her husband without naming him after Finnick as well. She had offered it to me with her blessing, knowing that Peeta and I would honor his name by raising our son to be the kind of man worthy of it.

I blow them each a kiss as the door slams shut behind them and only then, do I allow my smile to falter when I look towards the stairway to the second floor.

This obviously isn't the first time that the red X has made an appearance on my bedroom door, leaving me a single parent for anywhere from a few hours to a day or two. And that's an improvement on years past when it could be up to a week before Peeta was able to work his way through broken memories that likely won't ever be completely repaired.

I know better than to try and go to him even though every instinct I have as a lover, wife and someone who knows first hand the darkness my Peeta is trapped in behind that door tells me to. After making that mistake a few times in those early years and having some of the worst names imaginable thrown my way through the door, I learned it's best just to let him find his way out when he's ready.

This doesn't stop me however, from creeping up the steps after checking on the children and pressing my cheek to the cool wood of our bedroom door. I glance down briefly at the little wooden red X hanging on the doorknob and sigh softly.

"Stay with me, Peeta." I whisper as quietly as I can.

I'm not surprised when I hear a strangled but determined, "Always." whispered back mere inches from my face through the heavy door.

I place my hand flat on it, feeling a little better as I imagine him doing the same on the other side. I slip back down the hall as quietly as I came, brushing away a single tear and putting my brave face back on.

I hear the distant, carefree laughter of my babies and let it draw me back into the light as I head back downstairs to get their breakfast ready.

Chapter 1

_20 Years Earlier_

"Stop looking at me like that, Peeta….it's no big deal."

"No big _deal_?! I could have killed you, Katniss! That's a pretty big deal!"

Peeta had been home in District 12 for a little over 3 months the first time he suggested the red X. I wasn't so sure I was opposed to the idea, but admitting to the need for it felt like just another win for the Capitol. Peeta's argument for the use of the red X was made even stronger by the bruises I was sporting on my wrists, caused by his hands gripping me during a particular bad hijacking episode.

Haymitch said I was lucky Peeta had enough presence of mind to grab my wrists instead of my throat. He too was arguing in favor of the red X of course.

"I just don't see the point." I said sitting back in my chair and folding my arms over my chest. Haymitch's exasperated sigh told me a lecture was coming and I rolled my eyes.

"Of course you see the point, don't be stupid!" he said slamming his hand down on the tabletop and causing both myself and Peeta to startle.

"You want to hurt him? Keep this nonsense up then because that's all you're doing, sweetheart. Don't you see what it does to him when he hurts you like this?" He asked waving his hands towards Peeta.

I couldn't argue with him. Peeta's eyes, which had been glued to my wrist since he came to check on me after the episode, were filled with a pain I couldn't bear to look at for more than a moment.

"It's for the best, Katniss." Peeta choked out in barely a whisper. "I don't know what I'd do if I hurt you any worse than this…" he said reaching across the table to tenderly stroke my bruised wrists. "Please…it's what I want. It helps me…if…if I don't see you when I'm like that…my episodes are shorter." His eyes pleaded with me to understand. I know it's out of his control, but it still hurt me to know that above all else, I was the cause of the nightmarish visions that plague my friend.

With both men staring me down, I finally agreed. "Fine. But that doesn't mean I'm going to stay away from you all of the time." I said looking steadily at Peeta so he knows I am telling the truth. I turned my eyes to Haymitch next, allowing myself a small smile.

"You may not be much, but the two of you are all I have left so you're stuck with me. Got it?" I said sternly, looking between the two of them. They shared a small smile between them and each nodded once in acceptance.

"Well, it's settled then." Haymitch sounded pleased that we'd worked past this particular stalemate. He leaned forward and slid a bright wooden red X across the table to Peeta who released his gentle hold on my wrists to pick it up. He turned it over in his hands a few times, before offering me a tight smile.

"So how about that swimming lesson you offered the other day?" He asked trying to lighten the mood and I allowed myself a wider smile and glanced out at the bright summer day through the kitchen window.

"Sure, I'll meet you in the meadow in five minutes. Wear something you don't mind getting wet." I said and hopped up from my chair and hurried upstairs to my room.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

The first time I saw the X on the door, I thought I'd be prepared for it and able to handle the emotions that came with knowing behind that door, Peeta was suffering a hijacking episode and I couldn't go to him to make it better. I wasn't.

Aside from the episode that first brought the red X into existence, those first 3 months since Peeta had returned to District 12 had seen us growing slowly but steadily back together. Dr. Aurelius had suggested we develop routines (when I finally started taking his weekly phone calls at Peeta's insistence) and so we did. Peeta began to bake again, I hunted and of course Haymitch spent most of his time working his way to the bottom of a liquor bottle. When the liquor ran out, he began raising geese in his yard to bide the time until the next train full of supplies arrived. Luckily, the geese took pretty good care of themselves.

Sae stopped feeding me breakfast after Peeta had been showing up to the meal for a month. She said she had enough faith in his baking skills to know he'd keep me well-fed in the morning and I had enough skills to put together something for the two of us at dinner time. Haymitch, who was usually just beginning to sober up by that time of night, began to stumble over a few and then several nights a week to be fed. He'd never admit it, but I'm sure even Haymitch had some need for human contact left and if he had to be around anyone, Peeta and I were the most acceptable candidates to fill that role for him.

None of us expected anything from the others save for a general acceptance of who were, and who we'd each become as a result of the tragedies faced together and alone. The ones shared we sometimes would talk about during an ill-advised session passing one of Haymitch's bottles of white liquor back and forth in front of a fire when inhibitions had been lowered and lips loosened beyond the normal.

The tragedies too painful to speak of, even in those fireside exchanges, we dealt with on our own in our own private ways.

It was during one of those times when my own demons were nipping at my heels that I went to Peeta for comfort only to find that red X on the doorknob.

Things had been going pretty well since the introduction of the letter. Peeta and I came up with the idea for working on the memory book, Haymitch helped us with it when he was sober enough and when he wasn't, Peeta and I re-learned how to laugh watching him stumble around his yard trying to herd his geese.

Peeta reluctantly returned to sleeping in my bed to help us both keep the nightmares at bay. He had initially said no when I brought it up but he couldn't deny that the best either of us had slept since our first games was when we were together and he eventually conceded.

The 'law of the red X' as I had jokingly begun to call it, still applied; if Peeta felt an episode coming on, he said he would need to sleep in one of the spare rooms and the X would be placed on the door.

We had gone to bed as usual, wrapped in each other's arms when a few hours into the night I became caught up in a horrifying nightmare. A Prim nightmare. On the scale of nightmare severity, the Prim nightmares were the worst. I awoke in a cold sweat, my arms swinging around wildly as I searched the bed for Peeta. He was gone.

Hoping that he had just gotten up to use the bathroom or to get a drink, I scrambled out of bed and threw the door open, wanting only to find Peeta and have him wrap me in his arms and tell me everything would be okay again. I was beginning to feel as though I wanted more than that in the nights leading up to the nightmare and for some reason the new feelings paired with the same old feelings of safety I'd always felt with Peeta made my need for him almost unbearable. I wasn't sure I wanted to put a name to these new feelings yet, but the strength of them was unsettling to say the least.

As I looked wildly around the hallway and my eyes fell on that evil red letter hanging from the door opposite mine, I couldn't help but fall immediately to my knees, breaking down in tears. How far I'd come from the girl on fire to this sniveling, emotional wreck. The Katniss Everdeen I was before the Games would be embarrassed by this girl.

"Peeta!" I sobbed, crawling over to the door and reaching for the knob. I gave it a hard turn and of course, it was locked.

"KATNISS!? What are you doing!? Get away! Go away, damn it!" he howled back at me in a voice that made my blood run cold.

This was not my Peeta on the other side of the door. I backed away a little bit and laid my head down on the floor so that I could see under the door to the room.

I wrapped my own arms around my shivering body and squeezed my eyes shut tight, trying to imagine that it was Peeta holding me instead. I continued to listen to him shout vicious things well into the early morning hours until I couldn't stand it any longer and clapped my hands over my ears.

It was in this state that Peeta found me a little after the sun had come up in the morning. Asleep but restlessly so. He scooped me into his arms and carried me back to the bed we shared, folding me once more in his loving arms. Before I fell back into a more restful sleep, I heard him crying softly as he placed a feather light kiss on the back of my neck and whispered hoarse words there.

"I love you, Katniss…real…I love you."

When I woke again it was because I was too warm. The sun was blaring through the window telling me it was afternoon and Peeta was the reason I was too warm. I tried to turn over onto my back and he only crowded me further, entwining his legs with mine and pulling me closer into his chest with a yawn.

"Peeta…" I whispered, reaching up to brush his blonde bangs back from his closed eyes. He mumbled unintelligibly and nuzzled his nose straight into the crook of my neck.

Despite the heat of his body on mine, I felt a chill run from the base of my skull to the tip of my tailbone that had nothing to do with temperature. I tried to stop the sudden moan that bubbled up from my belly when Peeta nuzzled me, but it would have been like trying to stop Haymitch from sucking the last dregs from a bottle of his white liquor.

I turned my face more towards his and as if watching my actions from outside of my body, I saw my head tilt forward just enough to first touch my lips gently to Peeta's, and then mold to themselves to his when they began to move as well. Placing my hand on his chest, I propped myself up on an elbow and deepened the kiss.

I knew Peeta was awake when I felt one of his hands slide up the length of my back to my neck where he held my head in place and kissed me deeper still.

"Katniss..."

"Peeta…"

An unspoken question lay between our mumbled names but neither of us was ready to break the spell of this moment. I finally had to when Peeta rolled me onto my back more and moved to straddle one of my thighs.

"Peeta…Peeta wait…" I murmured between kisses and placed both hands on his chest to get his attention.

His eyes opened in confusion and I could see it slowly dawning on him that we were in quite a scandalous position. "Oh, jeez…I'm…I'm sorry…" he said rolling off of me quickly and burying his reddening face in his hands.

I knew this was it. This was the moment where I was either going to tell Peeta about the feelings I was having or I was going to plant us firmly in the friend zone forever.

"I'm not sorry…" Sharing my feelings obviously won.

There are few moments I can recall before or since the Games that I would have loved to have a camera handy. To capture the look on Peeta's face when I said that was definitely one of those moments.

"yuh…you're not?" he asked swallowing a huge lump in his throat as he turned back towards me slightly and I scooted closer to him. I shook my head slowly and reached out to touch the bright specks of blonde hair that had sprouted on his chin overnight.

We held each other's gaze for what seemed like the longest moment of my life before Peeta reached out and stroked the knuckles of one hand from my shoulder to the tip of my elbow.

That was all it took for me as I felt that shiver course through my body again, telling me that I should get closer to Peeta as quickly as possible.

"Katniss…" The loving way he said my name, so different than the way he'd said it the night before during his episode erased any remaining doubt in my mind that my Peeta, the Peeta who loved me since he was five-years-old, was still somewhere in this man before me.

"Peeta." I whispered back and closed the distance between us, seizing his lips with a hunger I hadn't truly felt since that night on the beach in the Quarter Quell.

Confident in my response to his advances, Peeta folded me in his arms as our kisses became slower but no less passionate.

It was in the midst of these passionate kisses which led to shy touches, that our mentor, friend and the only family that either of us had left decided to ruin the moment.

"Hey! Do either of you plan on feeding me or do I have to go fight the geese for a spot at the trough!?"

We startled apart, me with a gasp and Peeta with a hiss of pain I somehow instinctively knew was the result of his needs being left unfulfilled. I groaned and turned my angry gaze towards the open bedroom door.

"It's mid-day you silly old DRUNKARD! Come back when it's supper time and I'll feed you then!" I bellowed and waited through the following silence as Haymitch slowly put together that he was a bit early for the evening meal we usually all shared together.

"Oh." He called back with the slur and edge of confusion that told me he had woken up before his morning bottle had worn off. "Ooops." He hiccupped with a giggle and I heard him stumbling back (hopefully) towards the kitchen door that led to outside.

"Well…well what're ya doin'? You could help me get the geese together in the meanwhile…" he grumbled and Peeta dug the heels of his hands into his eye sockets and groaned.

"GET OUT AND GO TAKE CARE OF YOUR DAMN GEESE YOUR DAMN SELF, HAYMITCH!" I yelled from where I had moved to the doorway.

Haymitch's answering laughter told me he had some idea what we were up to and I heard the kitchen door open and close without another word from our neighbor.

I turned back around slowly to see Peeta with his head down, his back shaking from what appeared to be laughter.

I folded my arms over my chest, fighting the smile forming on my own lips. "I'd love you hear what you find so damn funny Peeta Mellark!" I whispered with a chuckle and gave him a shove.

Peeta lifted his head, still laughing and I couldn't help but get caught up in his infectious laughter. "I'm sorry…it's just…our typical luck…" he said holding his stomach as he turned and threw his legs over the side of the bed. I snuck a peek at the clock on the bedside table and realized it was closer to late afternoon than I'd thought.

"Well, I guess I better go get dressed and start on dinner before drunk and grumpy comes back here drunker and grumpier." I mumbled sliding off of the bed. Before I could take a step towards the bathroom, Peeta grabbed me by the hand and tugged me back to stand between his legs at the edge of the bed. I smiled shyly, placing my hands on his shoulders to steady myself as Peeta reached up with one hand to stroke my cheek. He's always had a way of staring straight into my soul and that moment was no different.

"I'm really sorry that Haymitch interrupted us…" he whispered glancing at the door and then looking me up and down pointedly. "…really REALLY sorry." He sighed and I chuckled and kissed the top of his head.

"Me too." I said resting my chin on top of his head. And I was. The first forward progress Peeta and I had made in trying to figure out what romantic feelings we might have for each other without pressure from the government or the people of the districts, and Haymitch had to ruin it.

At least the encounter told us one thing; those feelings were most definitely there. We held each other's gaze for another few moments.

"You okay?" I asked with a wince. I knew how difficult it was for me to stop when we heard Haymitch but I suspected it was even more difficult for Peeta.

I knew by the way his cheeks reddened that he was quite aware of what I was asking. "Nah…" he admitted with a short laugh and rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "But I will be."

I smiled and stroked my fingers through his hair once more before heading into the bathroom to change. I headed downstairs to start dinner a little later just in time to hear the shower turn on in the bathroom attached to the bedroom we shared.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Thankfully, we were only forced to endure a small amount of ribbing from Haymitch who I think found our budding romance more endearing than irritating. In the weeks following the morning he interrupted us, I had caught him watching us out of the corner of an eye when he thought we didn't know he was looking, or I'd see a little smile on his face when Peeta and I held hands as we all walked through the meadow together with the new goslings that had come in the spring.

We hadn't attempted anything since that morning but it seemed to be enough for both of us for the time being just to know that real feelings existed between us. Strong feelings.

Maybe it was wrong to say _nothing_ had happened since that morning. We were, after all, 18-year-olds living under the same roof together with nothing but time on our hands. We found ourselves necking under the stars on the back porch on more than one evening. Cuddling by the fire watching citizens of the new Panem embarrass themselves on Plutarch's new competetive singing show.

My favorite expression of our feelings though, came in the little things. Our fingers accidentally brushing as we passed ingredients back and forth cooking meals, sitting hip-to-hip on the couch working on the memory book together, and of course, holding each other through the night to help ward off the demons that often came with the darkness.

Peeta continued to bake and paint and I continued to hunt, each of us treating our special talents as a sort of individualized therapy. One day, about a month after the first time I saw the red X on the door, I came home from hunting at the end of the day and was surprised to find Haymitch sitting on my porch with his feet crossed on top of the railing.

I dropped my things by the door, panting in the early summer humidity and brushed back my sticky bangs, looking him over as he stared out at the setting sun.

"Well…I heard the train coming in this morning, I know you can't be out of booze…so…what's up?" I asked as I shuffled over to drop into the chair beside him.

When he didn't immediately answer, I panicked and sat up straight in the chair, looking back towards the door to my house. "Peeta! Is he…is he okay!?" I gasped.

Haymitch raised a hand to calm me down and nodded.

"He's fine…well, physically anyway." He mumbled and settled back into the chair with a slight grunt of displeasure. I took a deep breath and settled myself back into my own chair, relaxing only slightly.

"He's over my place for the night. Says he's feeling a little…off." He said with a grimace as he twiddled with a piece of straw between his fingers. 'off'. Peeta had been having small episodes here and there which thankfully, only lasted a short period of time. 'off' was the term Haymitch had told me he would only use if he felt an episode had a more vicious hold on Peeta.

"Oh." I wished I had more to say on the subject but it still left me horrified to the point of speechlessness that there might always be a part of Peeta that wanted to hurt me. I looked toward Haymitch's house and must have been staring just long enough for him to worry that I was thinking about going over there.

"Sweetheart…" it was a warning but tinged with sympathy I only find acceptable coming from the one other person I know loves Peeta as much as I do.

The thought of Peeta spending the night by himself while in what I knew first hand to be a frightened, agitated state was devastating to me. One look at the empty bottle propped against the chair Haymitch was occupying and I knew he felt the same.

"I'm fine here on my own, Haymitch. Please, don't leave him there by himself. His hijacking had nothing to do with you, he won't be afraid of you or try to hurt you…" I begged him, returning to my position in the chair beside him.

Haymitch nodded, obviously agreeing with my point of view but when he finally looked into my eyes, I knew I was fighting a losing battle. Peeta could be so damn stubborn sometimes.

"Damn him." I spat, folding my arms over my chest and glaring at Haymitch's home once again. "Why does he do that? Why won't he let you be around him?" I demanded and Haymitch turned his own eyes back to his house.

"I told you once that you could live a thousand lifetimes and never deserve him, Katniss." Haymitch said so softly that I almost didn't hear him. "But really, neither of us ever will. Some things might have changed about Peeta when he was hijacked but he's still the most steadfastly selfless person, young or old, I've ever come across. He's too good of a man to put up with either of us and yet, he suffers over there…" he said jabbing a finger toward his house, "alone, because he knows neither of us is strong enough to see him that way."

I finally couldn't take it anymore and jumped up from my chair, ran into my house and up to the bedroom Peeta and I shared. Not bothering to change out of my hunting clothes, I rushed to the bedside table, yanked open the drawer and took out the pearl Peeta gave to me in the Quarter Quell. Trembling, I pressed it to my lips, rolling it back and forth just as I had done in those lonely nights in District 13 when that was the closest thing to a kiss I would receive from the boy who had given it to me. I curled up on the bed, beginning to cry as all of those feelings came rushing back. Peeta was only across the street but with each hijacking episode he had, it was like he was right back in the Capitol's possession.

I continued to roll the pearl, back and forth, back and forth, well into the night until sheer exhaustion took over and I finally fell into a fitful sleep.

When I woke in the morning, I was more exhausted than when I had finally fallen asleep in the wee hours of the morning. My sleep had been plagued with dreams of Peeta screaming, crying, trashing a small room he had most certainly locked himself into at Haymitch's. I stretched and popped my aching joints on the bed and heard the soft thud of something solid hitting the wooden floor. I quickly leaned over and scooped my precious pearl up into my hand, warming it between my palms as I climbed off of the bed and made my way slowly to the door.

As I crept down the steps, expecting to hear the tell-tale snore of Haymitch sleeping off last night's stupor at the kitchen table, I was surprised when all I heard was silence.

"Haymitch?" I called out with a sleep-roughened voice. When he didn't answer, I grabbed my hunting jacket that I had dropped on the banister on my way up to the bedroom the night before and hurried out the door and across the lawn to Haymitch's house.

I knew that Peeta would be mad if he knew I was coming over before I had been given the 'all clear' but at that point, I didn't really care. I tried my best to ignore the red X hanging on the knob of the front door as I slowly pushed it open and slipped into the foyer.

After a cursory glance around the downstairs, my hunter's ears told me no one was on this level of the house and so I headed on silent feet up the staircase to the rarely-used second floor.

I could distinctly hear a quiet voice coming from one of the rooms at the end of the hall and made my way towards it as quietly as possible. Pressing my ear to the wood, I could hear only Haymitch speaking and figured Peeta must be hurt or still asleep. Thankfully it was the latter.

I couldn't help the small, sad smile from forming on my lips when I pushed open the door to find Haymitch sitting at Peeta's side on the bed, gently dabbing his young charge's forehead with a cool cloth as he slept sprawled across the bed. I rested my head against the doorjamb, watching Haymitch care for this boy who we both loved so much.

"How's he doing?" I whispered from the door and Haymitch turned his head slowly, not seeming at all surprised to find me there.

"He's exhausted." He whispered before turning back to his task of caring for Peeta. "I came over 2 hours ago and found him curled up in the corner. He was soaked in sweat and mumbling 'not real' over and over to himself." He said setting the bowl of water and cloth aside and standing slowly. "I got him up on his feet, put him to bed and talked to him until he fell asleep about a half hour ago." He said coming over to stand with me at the door. Neither of us had taken our eyes off of Peeta for more than a few seconds since I'd entered the room.

I nodded slowly. "Is he…he's alright now?" I asked turning to look into Haymitch's face, begging with my eyes for him to tell me that our Peeta, that MY Peeta was back.

Haymitch shrugged and looked back at the slumbering figure in the bed, his face etched with a sadness that came from watching someone you care for in pain. "He's okay. Probably would like to see you when he wakes up even though he'll give you hell for coming over here…you can blame me if you'd like when that time comes." He said with a lopsided smile and left the room, leaving me to decide whether to stay or go. The choice was non-existent.

I pulled off my jacket and pants, pushing the door shut before I headed across the room and climbed gently onto the bed beside Peeta.

"It's alright, I'm here now." I whispered putting my arms around his torso lightly and resting my head on his chest where I could feel his clothes were still damp from the sweat Haymitch spoke of. Peeta moaned softly in his sleep and turned into me, wrapping his strong arms around me and pulling me close.

"Katniss." He croaked out in a sob and nuzzled into my neck, just like that morning so many weeks ago. I smiled and stroked my fingers through the hair sticking to the back of his neck methodically. "…not real…it's not…I love Katniss." He murmured and I kissed his forehead as a tear slid down my cheek.

"She loves you too." I whispered and continued stroking his hair until I too fell back to sleep.

When I woke again, it was to a very bright light illuminating the bedroom and the curtains puffing in and out with the gentle breeze coming through the window. I yawned and snuggled into Peeta's arms, prepared to slip back to sleep for as long as I could when I noticed that Peeta's breathing was steady but not deep as it would be if he were asleep.

Lifting my head, I found I was right when my gray eyes met his blue. Peeta was always so dependably calm and collected that it was hard to tell just by holding his gaze whether he was upset with me or not.

"Morning." I said with a soft kiss which he thankfully, returned.

"Morning….I'm pretty pissed at you right now…" he mumbled against my lips. It may not have been the right thing to do, but I wound my arms around his neck and deepened the kiss.

"I know." I whispered back and held him tighter. Eh, I was never exactly known for doing the right thing when it was called for anyway.

Distracted momentarily from his anger with me, Peeta melted into the kiss and I could feel the tension disappearing from his arms, his neck, his lips. I was just working on rolling us over and moving to straddle Peeta's good leg when he took my face in his hands and gently pushed me back so that he could look into my face.

"Seriously, Katniss…I've only told you about a thousand times to just leave me be when I'm like…like that." He sighed, gazing up at me with a look that was equal parts disappointment and lust. A very confusing combination for me at that moment.

"Haymitch was with you, he gave me the all clear." I argued, gently wrapping my hands around his arms at the wrist where he still held my face between his palms.

"And you're fine, see?...well, you're a little sweaty…but otherwise, just fine." I smiled and pinched the t-shirt he was wearing between his pecks and pulled it away from his chest to show how it stuck with his sweat.

"Katniss…" he warned and tugged forward so that he could look into my eyes more closely. The humor had vanished from his eyes and he was staring straight into my soul in only the way Peeta can. I was the first to break eye contact and cut my eyes towards the window with only a slight roll.

"Fine, I get it, you win this argument. I shouldn't have come over here to be with you but I can't help it. When you're in pain, I want to be the only one who can make it go away." I said sitting back as Peeta raised himself up to a sitting position with me in his lap. I was suddenly and frighteningly becoming very emotional and I couldn't help the words pouring out of my mouth once they had begun to flow. "Not doctors, not medicine, not Haymitch, not even yourself…and…and I know that's narcissistic of me but I do…I want to be the one to fix you be…because I'm the reason they broke you in the first place."

At this point, I was doing the ugly cry and Peeta was shushing me and pulling me into a hug, rocking me in his strong arms. How this always happened that he was the one who needed comfort but ended up comforting me, I'll never know, but there we were.

Peeta's arms tightened around me and we just held each other for so long that my knees, bent on either side of Peeta's hips had locked up. When I pulled myself away from him finally, I slid over to sit beside him on the bed and wiped my eyes with the sleeves of my shirt.

"Where's Haymitch?" Peeta asked leaning over to kiss my still wet eyes.

"Downstairs I guess, you know he doesn't come up here unless he absolutely has to…or he has a drunk seeing eye dog." I chuckled, wiping my nose with a smile, trying to lighten the mood.

Peeta chuckled as well and ran a hand through his disheveled hair before, in typical Peeta style, saying something to knock me flat on my ass.

"Good, then I won't have to worry about him walking in on us while we're taking a shower." He said so casually that I was sure I must have heard him wrong. Before I could say a word for or against the idea, Peeta climbed from the bed and offered me his hand. I took it without question.

I wasn't sure of his intentions, or even my own for that matter but I knew I trusted Peeta without a doubt in my mind and so I followed him. Out the door and across the hall to the master bathroom, attached to what would be Haymitch's bedroom if he ever used it.

Placing a towel on top of the cold toilet seat, Peeta gestured for me to sit which I did, as gracefully as possible in panties and a long-sleeved t-shirt. He moved around the room with ease, setting out towels for each of us and turning the shower on to warm it up. He was pulling off his shirt as he turned towards me and found me sitting right where he'd left me, twiddling nervously with a thread on my sleeve.

With a self-assured smile, Peeta tossed his shirt towards the door, revealing the patchwork of skin that criss-crossed his torso from the explosion that killed my sweet Prim, and left us both badly burned. Next, he unbuttoned his pants and let them fall to the floor and stepped out of them, bringing him just that much closer to me. I felt some of the tension in my shoulders ease as I let my eyes travel down his precious body that I could never find a flaw on. I knew in that moment exactly what he was doing. He was showing me that he trusted me to see all of him, because he knew his scars didn't bother me in the slightest, just as he wanted me to know that he felt the same about mine.

As he was unlatching his prosthetic leg from his thigh, I stood and pulled the t-shirt over my head, reaching behind me to unhook my bra and let it fall to the floor. Peeta reached out and placed a hand on my shoulder to steady himself now that he was only standing on one leg and he took a confident hop forward so that we were standing face to face.

"Hi." He said with a grin and reached up to stroke my braid on my shoulder before slowly removing the tie and teasing my hair loose. I placed my hands on his hips just above the elastic of his boxers and looked back calmly into his eyes.

"Hi." I said grinning as well and gently tugged his shorts down, never breaking eye contact as he followed by reaching down to push my panties to the floor as well.

I was the first to turn towards the shower and I guided one of Peeta's arms around my shoulders as I helped him the few steps to the stall. Peeta reached out to open the door with his free hand and together we maneuvered ourselves into the roomy shower and I settled him onto the bench beneath the spray. I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from smiling when I noticed Peeta's eyes roaming shamelessly over my naked body. He obviously liked what he saw. I reached up and removed the detachable shower head, being careful to keep myself out of the spray for now and began to rinse Peeta off. His need for physical contact became clear when he took the showerhead from my hands and replaced it with a bottle of body wash.

"Think you can hold that up over yourself okay?" I asked as Peeta waved the showerhead over himself, making sure to cover everywhere. He nodded, still looking me over unabashedly and I felt my cheeks flush as I poured some of the body wash into my hands and stepped forward to begin working it into his neck, chest and back. Peeta dropped his head back against the shower wall, his eyes closing for the first time since we'd entered the shower and he heaved a contented sigh.

"Better?" I asked working my way down each arm, all the way to his fingertips when he carelessly dropped the showerhead to the tile floor. I screeched a laugh when the head landed face up and sprayed me right in the face, which led to Peeta sitting up quickly and reaching down to grab it by the hose.

"oops!" he laughed and placed it beside him on the bench so that the flow of water sprayed the door instead. "Yes, much better. Thanks." He sighed, closing his eyes again as I took the showerhead and rinsed down his body thoroughly.

It was true that I was intimidated by the sight of a naked man. Everyone in Panem knew that thanks to Peeta's stream-side bath in our first Games, but I found myself less embarrassed and more curious about Peeta as I watched the stream of water cascade down his body, pushing the soap to the floor and down the drain. He was still a little on the slender side since returning from the Capitol not long ago, but where a boy's body once had been, I now saw the muscle tone and short, coarse body hair of a man. I couldn't stop myself from reaching out to run my fingers through the smattering of hair on his chest or from tracing the lines that defined the muscles in his biceps.

I was a little embarrassed by the immediate effect my touch seemed to have on Peeta and I had to look away when I noticed the physical effect this touch elicited. My eyes went to Peeta's as I saw them flutter open in almost the same way Haymitch's did when he was first coming to after an all-nighter at the kitchen table. I glanced nervously between Peeta's eyes and his crotch, which he looked down at with a grimace.

"Mmm…sorry bout that." He said scratching the back of his head with a chuckle. "Not much I can do about it when the girl of my dreams is standing naked in front of me and touching me like you are." He answered honestly as Peeta always does.

I just smiled and reached for the bottle of shampoo, moving to the side a little to begin working it into his hair. This time, Peeta's head flopped forward, putting his chin almost to his chest as he relaxed into the feel of my hands scratching his scalp as I scrubbed his shaggy blonde hair clean.

"You need a haircut Mellark." I teased, working his sudsy hair into a mo hawk with a grin. Peeta lifted his head and smiled up at me through the bubbles that were sliding down his forehead.

"You can do that for me too if you want, I trust you." He said reaching out to place his hands on my hips and guided me back to stand between his knees.

"I know you do." I said with conviction as I leaned over and pressed my lips to his once more, my fingers tangling in his still soapy hair. Peeta guided me to sit on the knee where his remaining leg stretched out in front of him and I settled myself onto it tentatively, squirming slightly at the strange feeling of his leg hair on the sensitive skin of my bottom and inner thighs.

We moaned into each other's mouths as bodies were pulled closer together and a gentle rhythm began to build as we touched and stroked. A chill ran through my body as I came into closer contact with Peeta's still wet body with my dry one and he handed me the showerhead between kisses. I stood quickly to place it back in the holder so that it was pointed straight down on the two of us together on the bench before sitting back down on Peeta's knee and wrapping him back in my arms.

We resumed our kissing without missing a beat and Peeta's hands went to my hair, alternating between squeezing it and spreading it out across my back to let it soak up the water.

"Turn around." He murmured against my lips and reached for the body wash beside him on the bench. I pulled back reluctantly and turned in his arms, settling myself back on his knee and felt my breath quickening as I wondered where his hands might go first. I didn't have to wonder long when I felt them settle on my shoulders, working his way down my arms to my fingers just as I had done to him.

"Mmm…Peeta.." I moaned softly and found myself embarrassed yet again when I felt his arousal stir against my lower back in response to the noises I was making. He continued to work his way down my body with his soapy hands, washing my back, upper thighs, shins and calves, but never touching where my raging hormones wanted him to. Just as he was settling his hands tentatively on my hips, I groaned and placed my own on top of his and guided them up the flat plane of my belly to cup my breasts gently. Again, I felt Peeta's response against my back and scooted myself back just enough to trap it between the two of us.

"Ahh…Katniss.." he hissed and squeezed lightly with his hands, causing me to turn my head and catch his lips over my shoulder. We kissed languidly as he explored my chest, testing the firmness and weight of my breasts in a way that told me this was his first such experience as well. The power of that knowledge led me to brazenly guide one of his hands away from my chest and down my belly. I felt the resistance in his touch as he tried to decide if this was the right thing to do. I hopefully erased any doubt when I pushed it the rest of the way down to between my legs and moaned when he cupped me intimately.

"Peeta…" I gasped and deepened our kisses to let him know I was okay with what he was doing. The dual feelings of his hands on my chest and at my center made me moan louder than was proper knowing Haymitch was lurking somewhere in the house. Luckily, my noises of appreciation seemed to encourage Peeta to explore more freely and I gasped when I felt two fingers of the hand between my legs gently probe into the opening, moving back and forth as the hand at my chest alternated between squeezing and stroking each breast.

"You feel amazing." He grunted in my ear as I dropped my head back onto his shoulder, unable to keep up the kissing when my attention was clearly needed elsewhere on my body. I reached back to grip Peeta's hip, rocking my bottom against him in time with his fingers moving in and out of me.

"Amazing.." I agreed as those fingers began to pick up speed and I felt myself emotionally and physically surging towards some unknown cliff that I wasn't even the slightest bit afraid to leap off of. My arms and legs began to tremble and my hips rocked faster and faster into Peeta's hand. I bit my lip to keep from screaming as I leapt gladly off the edge.

As I came back to my body a minute or an hour later, I wasn't sure which, I slowly became aware of Peeta's hot breath as he heaved for air against my neck.

"Wow." Yep, Peeta, that about summed it up for me too. I wanted to move but my body and my brain had yet to find their way back to each other following my earth shattering orgasm. So this is what all those girls at school were always giggling about between classes and at lunch.

Peeta rubbed my arms and legs, slowly working the feeling back into them as I sat up a little and turned back around to straddle his thigh once again.

"Yeah…wow…I…just…wow." I chuckled and rested my forehead to Peeta's, my arms going around his neck with my forearms pressing against the cool tile of the shower wall. It was then that I realized the reason why Peeta continued to breathe so heavily. While I had reached the completion of my experience, Peeta was still clearly wound as tight as one of my bowstrings, pulled back and ready to shoot.

"Oh!" I gasped and pulled back to look into his eyes. I may have been able to follow the cues of my own body, but when it came to giving the same pleasure back to Peeta, I was lost. "What..what should I do? How can I…" I looked him up and down and tentatively reached out to wrap my hands around his shaft. I may have been new at this, but I was smart enough to gather that the part in my hands was pretty integral to giving Peeta the same pleasure he'd given me. By the sounds he made in response to my touch, I'd say I was on the right track.

"Peeta, please…show me what you like…" I whispered tilting his chin with one hand while continuing to stroke him awkwardly with the other. He nodded vigorously and placed one of his hands over mine, tightening around it slightly and moving my hand up and down. From base to tip and back again, increasing in pressure slightly at the tip and holding it until we reached the base on the down stroke. He kept his hand around mine for a few more strokes until I greedily pushed his hand away and took over.

Peeta chuckled a deep, hearty chuckle which I cut off as I crashed my lips back to his and began to stroke his length in earnest. His hips began to lift off of the shower bench in time with my strokes which were becoming quicker and quicker after I realized that was what he wanted.

"Katniss….Katniss…" he moaned, almost sobbing again but this time, in ecstasy. I nodded and kissed from his lips to his cheek and down his throat, nipping and sucking as I went.

"I know, me too." I murmured when I made my way back to his lips and drowned myself in his kisses once more.

"No, no…I mean…yes, but…um…." He choked out and looked down at my hand, his brow furrowed, his cheeks turned bright red as I realized he was clearly holding back his release until he was sure I was okay.

I smiled and wrapped my free arm around his shoulders, pulling him closer to me and running my short fingernails of the hand between his shoulder blades lightly back and forth across his back. I increased the speed of the strokes with my other hand and Peeta could no longer keep up the kisses so he dropped his head to my shoulder and let go with a loud, long grunt of pleasure.

I slowed down my strokes as I felt him softening under my hand and smiled wrapping both arms around his torso to support his body weight.

"I'll third that 'wow' from earlier." I teased and Peeta slowly raised his arms to wrap them around my body, pulling me closer so that I was sitting sideways across his lap.

"You're amazing…" he whispered pressing his forehead to mine and staring into my eyes as he caught his breath. I grinned at him and shrugged my shoulders, faking nonchalance.

"Not so bad yourself Mr. Mellark." I said tipping my chin to kiss him lightly on the lips. We remained in the stall until the water had begun to run cold and then I carefully stood from the bench and helped Peeta up.

"Stay right there, I'll get you a towel." I said with one more kiss and hopped out of the shower to grab the towels on top of the toilet lid. We took our time, drying each other off amidst shy smiles and soft kisses. I wrapped my towel around my own body snuggly and Peeta tied his around his waist after re-attaching his prosthetic.

"Come on, I know you probably didn't eat last night and I KNOW I didn't so you must be starving…" I whispered and peeked out the door, listening for any sign that Haymitch or anyone else was on the second floor with us.

"We're good." I said after a full minute of listening and took Peeta's hand, tugging him along with me as we headed back across the hall to the bedroom, Peeta carrying our armload of clothing. I shut the door behind us just as gently as when I had first entered that room earlier in the morning and let out a short, but loud noise of surprise when I turned around to find Peeta's face only inches from my own.

"Hey there." I chuckled and kissed the tip of his nose. He grinned so wide that dimples I'd rarely seen formed on either side of his face and I stroked the pointer fingers of both hands over them lovingly. Peeta leaned in to kiss me, pinning me against the door with his frame and I felt one of his hands at my hip, sliding up to where the towel was knotted at my chest.

"Uh uh..." I scolded grabbing his roaming hand with a blush and bit my bottom lip. Peeta looked momentarily wounded and I stroked my hand across one of his bare shoulders to show him I wasn't rejecting him. "If you take my towel, we'll never get downstairs…" I grinned. "And I'm STARVING!" I laughed wrapping my arms around his neck and bit into his shoulder playfully.

"Hey! I'm not the meal!" Peeta teased wrestling out of my hold and scooping me up into his arms with a quiet grunt. I screeched slightly when he lifted me and chuckled as he carried me over to the bed and sat me down on the edge like a sleepy child he was putting to bed.

"Now get dressed," Peeta said turning and striding over to the door where he'd dropped our clothes, tossing mine at me. "Haymitch has been a pretty good sport about our lovey-doveyness lately, but I think he'd draw the line at you coming down to lunch in a towel." He winked and reached down to pick up his own clothes, making a noise of disgust when he gave them a whiff.

"Haymitch probably has something that will fit you in the dresser…" I suggested as I pulled my clothes back on and quickly braided my still damp hair.

Peeta tossed his clothes in the corner and strode across the room to the large dresser on the other side of the bed from me. It gave me a chance to ogle him just as he had done to me when we first entered the shower. He was beautiful to me. Mechanical leg, burn scars and all. I watched with interest as he took out a pair of boxers from the top drawer and pulled them on under the towel before tossing it away and yanking on a slightly baggy pair of jeans and a white undershirt. He ran his hands through his damp hair a few times before turning to me and holding his arms out. "Do I pass muster?" he asked spinning once in a slow circle.

I stood from the bed with a nod and twirled once myself. "How bout me?"

Peeta looked me over just long enough to make me blush and winked. "You better than _pass_…" he whispered and walked over to the door, opening it and gesturing for me to exit first. "After you."

I slipped past him, making sure not to touch him at all. Who knows how long it would be before we got downstairs if I touched him right now. We made our way casually down the steps and into the kitchen, expecting to find Haymitch but there was no one in there. With a quick puzzled look at Peeta, I was about to ask him where he thought he'd gone when we heard the muffled sound of music coming from the porch.

Peeta shrugged and headed for the back door, pulling it open with a click and the volume of the music increased greatly.

"Haymitch?...HAYMITCH!?" Peeta bellowed over the music and our mentor turned his head from where he was leaning back on the large porch swing to look at us. He looked…flustered. He quickly reached over to turn down the music coming from the outdoor speakers.

"What are you doing?" I asked moving over to lean against the railing across from the swing as casually as possible. Haymitch rolled his eyes and shifted in the swing before he stood and strode toward the door where Peeta still stood. He was just about halfway between the two of us when he finally answered with a mumble.

"Trying to save us all the embarrassment of _this_ exact discussion, and going to check on the stew cooking in the kitchen so that I can feed you two lovebirds and send you back to your own home, thereby avoiding _further_ embarrassing conversations." He growled, not looking either of us in the eye as he stomped through the back door letting it slam behind him.

My eyes stayed on the shut door for a few beats and then swung to Peeta's. "Well, I guess that answered my question of whether you think he heard us or not…" I said feeling my cheeks flushing a deep, hot red. Peeta's reaction was quite the opposite of mine. He burst out laughing.

We found Haymitch setting steaming bowls of stew on the kitchen table along with a large loaf of bread Peeta had baked the day before.

"Looks great, Haymitch. Thanks." Peeta said clapping him on the shoulder as he stepped around him to take a seat. Haymitch grunted and placed a bowl at his own spot and dropped into his chair. I was the last to make it to the table and I could feel my cheeks were still hot with the knowledge that Haymitch had at least some idea of what had been going on upstairs.

"Just glad you're feeling more yourself, boy." Oh, Haymitch. The sweet, curmudgeonly way he showed his love for us always made me smile a little.

It seemed I had a lot to smile about that day. I just couldn't help it. We may not have crossed that last line of intimacy, but the experience when we woke up and then in the shower had done more to heal me, and I think Peeta too, than months of therapy could.

"You can keep these clothes by the way," Haymitch said around a mouthful of stew and reached out to tug on the sleeve of the undershirt Peeta was wearing. "Looks like you'll fit into them soon enough anyway." I could have sworn I heard a hint of paternal pride in his words and I cut a look at Peeta, smiling slightly. He must have heard it too because his eyes slid my way as he brought his spoon to his mouth and he quirked an eyebrow at me.

"Sure, thanks." Peeta said clearing his throat and we dropped into a…mostly comfortable silence until we were all nearly finished eating. We were all picking apart our hunks of bread when Haymitch cleared his throat and looked back and forth between us.

I could tell he wanted to say something and while Peeta was staring at his bowl like it was the most interesting thing in the world, I was begging Haymitch with my eyes not to say what I knew was coming.

Save us all; he was going to try and have 'the talk' with us.

I grew up with a mother who was a healer. She wasn't shy about discussing anything having to do with the body and so talking about sex was never something I found as funny or giggle-worthy as the other kids I grew up with. Yes, I was modest and nudity in general made me uncomfortable, but not anymore, and certainly not now with Peeta. With him, all of my insecurities seemed to disappear in the blinding light of his unwavering affection for me.

Unconditional love. Who knew that was all it would take to get me to lighten up.

Haymitch opened his mouth to speak, and after a few false starts he gave up and grabbed a bottle of liquor from under the table and cracked it open. I'm sure I visibly relaxed because I saw a smile creeping to the corner of Peeta's lips as he continued to stare down at his bowl while he ate.

When we got up to leave a little later, I cleaned up the dishes while Peeta and Haymitch made small talk and when I grabbed my hunting bag and bow that Haymitch obviously threw inside the door for me night before, Peeta rose to follow me and Haymitch leaned back in his chair and took a swig from his bottle.

He cleared his throat again and waved the hand not holding the liquor bottle at me. "Go ahead there, Sweetheart, I need a word with the boy and then I'll send him right on behind you…" I turned in the doorway to the porch to find Peeta staring at me like a deer I'd cornered in the woods while hunting. He was still standing in front of his seat at the table and I just shrugged an 'I'm sorry' and started to pull the door shut behind me.

"Uhh…sure, see you soon Peeta." I rushed out just before slamming the door behind me and hopping over the railing onto the grass of Haymitch's front yard. I hurried back over to my house, dropping my hunting gear in one of the chairs on my own porch and slipping inside the door.

I stood in the foyer and pulled off my hunting boots, plopping them by the front door so that they were out of the way of the door so that Peeta wouldn't trip when he came in. I at least had the decency to feel a little bit bad about leaving him to whatever safe sex lecture Haymitch was hitting him with.

I headed straight upstairs to our bedroom and pulled out clean clothes and underwear for the day, throwing on a pair of jeans and one of Peeta's undershirts with a low V in the neck that showed off a little of the cleavage I was just beginning to get back with steady meals for the past few months.

I retrieved my pearl from the pocket of the pants I'd worn the night before and dropped down onto my belly across our bed, rolling the pearl back and forth across my lips as I stared out the window above the bed at the summer sky. I couldn't help but smile and blush as I thought of the morning and the things Peeta and I had done. I was amazed by how my body recalled and responded to the memory of each kiss, each touch, leaving a deliciously tight knot in the pit of my stomach. I clenched the pearl in a fist and rolled onto my back to look up at the ceiling.

The world was the same and yet it was different. When I'd seen the red X on the door at Haymitch's last night, I felt utterly powerless and frightened. Only hours later and I was experiencing the most powerful emotions I'd ever felt. What a perspective shift. I was in the middle of a particularly nice memory from the shower that morning when I heard the door open and close downstairs and Peeta's uneven footfalls as he climbed the steps. I propped myself up on my elbows, trying my best to look contrite as the door swung open and a wide-eyed Peeta stood staring at me.

"How bad was it?" I asked sitting up better and waving him over to join me on the bed. Peeta made his way over to me, looking not unlike a student being sent to the front of the classroom to read a note passed to him by his girlfriend. He plopped down on the edge of the bed and only then did I notice he had something in his hand.

"What's that?" I asked reaching for the box and Peeta scratched the back of his head before handing it to me.

"Protection." He mumbled and shifted on the bed slightly. "I told him we haven't….I said that we weren't…" Peeta puffed out his cheeks and released the breath slowly as he took the box back and tossed it on the nightstand on his side of the bed. "…he just wants us to be safe. Says a pregnancy is the last thing either of us needs to deal with right now."

Pregnancy. The idea hit me like a ton of bricks. That was one thing that certainly hadn't changed since the fall of the Capitol to the rebels. The idea of bringing a child into still such an uncertain world made me feel like I'd eaten a whole bush-full of nightlock berries. Peeta was still sitting, shifting uncomfortably beside me on the bed. We'd had enough heavy conversation lately so I just leaned over and kissed him softly on the cheek.

"That was…nice of Haymitch to think of that I guess…" I whispered and stroked Peeta's stubbled cheek lightly. "I mean, even if we aren't…you know." I smiled and Peeta dropped his gaze from mine, looking towards the door.

It was in that moment as his eyes swung away from mine, that I caught the tiniest glimpse of doubt. Doubt that this thing between us might not be as serious on my part as it always had been on his. And I had to eradicate his doubt as quickly as possible.

With the softest of touches, I turned Peeta's face back to mine so that I was looking directly into his eyes. "What I meant to say," I said with a steady voice. "Was even if we aren't…we _will_ be…so it was good that he gave those to you." I smiled and leaned in to kiss his cheek, his forehead, the tip of his nose and finally, his soft lips.

Peeta's response was strong and immediate. One hand found the back of my head, holding me still as he deepened the kiss and the other went to my hip and then around to grip my backside, tugging me over to sit on his lap on the edge of the bed. We kissed languidly, neither in any rush to make good on the promise I'd just made.

We kissed until Peeta pulled back and took me by the wrist of the hand I had balled up against his shoulder. He knew I must have been holding something and when I opened my hand for him, Peeta chuckled and leaned over to kiss the shiny white pearl sitting on my palm.

"Could I borrow this?" he asked taking the pearl between his thumb and forefinger and holding it up in the light of the bedroom. I narrowed my eyes at him playfully and didn't answer. "I won't lose it, I swear." He grinned and rubbed his nose against my cheek playfully. "I think we ought to find a safer way for you to carry it around with you than putting it in your pants pocket…" he teased and I scratched my fingernails through his hair, gently rubbing his scalp with them.

"Sure, just make sure it gets back to me as soon as possible." I whispered and he stuffed it down into his own pocket and flipped over on the bed on his belly with me sitting beside his head. He made his intentions clear when he scooted over so that his head was laying in my lap.

I couldn't contain the girlish giggle that bubbled up out of me.

"Can I help you little boy?" I said sing-song and Peeta closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around my hips.

"Yeah, scratch my head…please?" He said lifting his head and looking up at me with blue eyes I could never deny anything. I rolled my eyes, pretending that his request was completely inconveniencing me.

"Oh, I guess so." I whispered and began to soothingly run my fingers through his shaggy hair. As the minutes passed, I could physically feel the tension leaving his body. His arms became slack around my hips and his head grew heavier and heavier on my thighs. More than anything else, I loved that I had this effect on Peeta. That just holding him and stroking his hair slowed his breathing, regulated his heartbeat and, as I looked down and suddenly noticed, put him to sleep.

I didn't have the heart to move him so I continued to sit there, stroking his head for almost an hour before my legs began to cramp up and I had to change position. I held his head between my hands and gently lifted it off of my lap and resettled it on the bed. I only let go of him long enough to stand and move around the bed to cuddle back up to him. I laid down beside Peeta and began rubbing a hand up and down his spine softly. It wasn't long before he turned over onto his side in his sleep and reached for me. That giggle returned again when he tugged me over into his arms, one of his hands going to my waist and the other resting possessively on my backside. I nestled into his chest, both of my hands balling up in the large t-shirt he was wearing and drifted off myself.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

A/N: This story will likely go on for many chapters as I plan to fill in those 15 years between the end of Mockingjay and the epilogue. They won't all be sexytimes but obviously I had to get that out of the way sooner or later! I just wanted to share my own take on the trials and tribulations of those missing years between the end of the war and when they had children. I can't imagine it was EVER easy and this idea of the red X has been rambling around in my head for a few months.

Hope you are enjoying so far!

The next few weeks flew by in a blur. Peeta told me that he was working with the builders in town, drawing up plans to rebuild the bakery. I told him it was a wonderful idea. He was already feeding most of the district, using the kitchen in his un-used home next door to do all of his baking during the day while I hunted and traded my game to the various trades people who had begun returning to district twelve and rebuilding. When it boiled down to it, 12 was still their home, just as it was ours.

I offered to help him and he seemed genuinely touched. Even Haymitch offered to look over the floor plans we'd worked on during the day whenever he came over for dinner.

"Surprised you two get anything constructive done during the day…" he mumbled on one such night as he laid the plans out on the recently cleared dining table.

Peeta and I both blushed and cut glances at each other before turning back to the plans. Truth be told, nothing had really happened between us since that morning at Haymitch's. The next day was when Peeta had told me about his plans to rebuild the bakery and we had been focusing all of our attention on that. We still shared the same bed at night but between trips back and forth to town, talking to the builders about what materials would be used, picking out kitchen equipment to order from the capitol and of course talking to Effie on the phone about tasteful decorating ideas, we were both exhausted by the time we got home at night and barely made it to bed before we passed out.

One nice side effect of being so busy was that Peeta hadn't had any episodes. Whether he was too tired or his mind was occupied with so many other things, we didn't know, but neither of us said anything for fear that bringing it up might scare the demons in his mind back up.

"This is looking real good kids." Haymitch said looking over the plans that had just been finalized that afternoon. "I'm real proud of ya." He said in that gruff way he always used when he was trying to cover real emotions. Peeta and I both had to stifle a chuckle as we looked at each other over Haymitch's ducked head. He nodded a few more times as he continued to check the plans.

Peeta and I slipped into the kitchen to wash dishes together and I smiled towards the living room when I heard the stereo switch on and the creak of Haymitch settling himself into the recliner beside it.

"He acts like he doesn't need anyone but you notice we always end up babysitting him until it's time to send him back to pass out at his own house?" I teased, scrubbing the dishes clean and placing them in the rack for Peeta to dry. I was starting on the silverware when I felt Peeta's strong arms wrap around my middle and his nose nuzzle the line of my jaw. I smiled and melted back into him, stilling my hands in the soapy water.

"He's just a big teddy bear…all growl on the outside; soft, cushy stuffing inside…" he murmured against the shell of my ear and then kissed his way across my cheek until I turned my head to catch his lips. We deepened our kisses as my hands remained in the water and I sighed softly when Peeta pushed his hips against my backside.

"Hey…" I whispered pulling back from the kiss finally. "That was nice, what's the occasion?" I teased, grabbing the dishtowel and drying off my hands before I turned in his arms.

"What, I need a reason to kiss my girlfriend?" Peeta whispered back and leaned in to kiss me again. Before I could respond, his lips were on mine and my hands went to his shoulders to steady myself. "I'm sorry I haven't been paying much attention to you…this way lately." He murmured against my lips. "We've just been so busy with the new bakery…" He explained and I nodded.

"It's fine Peeta. I've been just as exhausted as you when we get home at night." I smiled and stroked his chest. "It's not for lack of interest, believe me." I sighed and ran my hands up across his shoulders and down to his biceps, squeezing the muscles he'd developed during weeks of lifting and moving supplies to begin building. I could feel his eyes on me, watching me as I touched his arms. When they slid down to his hands, Peeta grasped my hands in his, entwining our fingers.

"Not on my part either." He sighed and rubbed his thumbs over the backs of each hand he held at our sides. I leaned in to kiss him again and heard a soft huff in the doorway to the living room.

"Honestly, can't you wait till I leave?" Haymitch asked and Peeta and I pulled back from each other and turned two pairs of annoyed eyes his way. Haymitch was pulling a light jacket on and reaching for the cane he'd been carrying around to herd the geese. We could hear them honking on the lawn, likely waiting for their own dinner to be served.

"Sure." Peeta said with a smirk and nodded towards the door. "Bye." He said tersely and Haymitch raised his nose in the air.

"Fine, I know when I'm not wanted." He huffed and made sure to poke Peeta lightly in the side with his cane as he passed by us. Peeta released one of my hands to swat the cane away and smiled as Haymitch opened the door.

"Night Haymitch." Peeta called after him sweetly and Haymitch waved a hand at us, letting the door slam shut behind him. "He's always slamming doors at us." Peeta chuckled. "I can't be sure, but I think it means he likes us." He said leaning in to capture my lips again.

"Something like that." I joked before deepening the kiss. "Come on…" I murmured against his lips. "The rest of the dishes can wait until morning."

Peeta pulled back and looked down into my eyes, searching them to see what I was thinking. "Kay." He said with a nod and let me lead him out of the kitchen and out into the living room where the stereo and T.V. were still on, the foot rest of the recliner still kicked out. Peeta frowned and rolled his eyes.

"Gee, thanks for cleaning up before you leave, Haymitch." He said to himself and released my hand to go roll up the plans still spread out on the table. While he did that, I moved around the room, straightening up after our messy neighbor. I folded up a newspaper, turned off the T.V. and decided to leave the recliner how it was. I moved across the room, dropping into it and turning off the light beside it but not the stereo.

I could hear Peeta storing the plans back in the hutch in the dining room and looked up when I heard him re-enter the living room. He smiled at me stretched out on the recliner and folded his arms as he leaned against the wall. "Room for one more on there?" He asked with a nervous lilt to his voice.

"Always." I said patting the armrest and scooted over to let him climb onto the chair with me. I snuggled into his side as the song on the stereo changed, tangling my feet with his and pushing our socks off.

"You have funny looking feet." Peeta said out of nowhere and I lightly bit his chest with a grin.

"Hey!" I laughed and rubbed my 'funny looking feet' against his and snuck my small hands out from under his back to start tickling his ribs. "If you consider that a come on line, your pick-up skills need work!" I turned over to straddle his hips as he howled with laughter, trying to squirm away from my hands.

He finally caught a hold of my wrists and crossed my arms so that they were pinned to my chest, both of us breathing heavily from the exertion. "Really? Cause it looks like teasing you about your feet got you right where I want you." He grinned proudly through disheveled bangs and raised his hips up against mine so that I could feel his excitement. I moaned quietly, pressing my hips down onto his in response.

"Mmm…yeah, wow…" I chuckled biting my bottom lip, my arms still pinned to my chest. "I must be slipping." I teased and tried to pull my arms away from him. I put on my best pout when he held fast.

"Give up?" Peeta asked tugging me forward so that our faces were closer, but not close enough for me to lean in and kiss him. Bastard. I sighed and looked across the room, pretending to think about it and shifted my hips again, rubbing against him in what could have been seen as a harmless attempt to get more comfortable, but Peeta knew better. He stifled a moan of his own and tightened his hold on my wrists slightly.

"Alright, alright! You win!" I growled and just like that, he released my arms and our mouths crashed together in a searing kiss. I gripped the back of Peeta's neck with one hand as the other crept to where his jeans and t-shirt met, slipping underneath the shirt. I lightly scratched my short fingernails over his tight abdomen and then quickly switched gears, digging my fingers into his armpit. Peeta broke the kiss with a very unmanly screech of laughter and bodily turned us over so that I was underneath him.

"That was cheating!" He growled and wiggled both of his hands down to grip my hips, squeezing them and making me kick wildly, laughing almost to the point of hysterics. "You'll have to be punished…" Peeta said with mock sadness and pulled back to look down into my face, both of us breathing heavy again from all the laughter.

"Oh yeah?" I said finding it difficult to hide my enjoyment of this little game.

"Oh yeah." Peeta said with a nod and slipped both of his hands, palm down at the hem of my shirt underneath the material slowly. At the feel of his warm, calloused fingertips on my belly, I stopped squirming and the silly smile on my face fell a little, the mood changing from playful to crackling with sexual tension like a flash of lightning. He moved his hands achingly slow, pushing my shirt up until it was bunched up under my chin. I could feel the cool night air filling the room from the open windows on my torso and gooseflesh spread across the exposed skin. Peeta smiled at my response and reached a hand underneath my back and popped the clasp on my bra before gently removing my arms from the sleeves of the shirt and lifting it over my head. The bra followed and he tossed both over the back of the chair towards the stairs to the second floor.

He took a moment to pull back and look me over and I let my hands fall above my head, letting him look as long as he pleased. I was his and I didn't want there to be a shred of doubt in his mind about that.

When he seemed to have been satisfied with the response he saw in my body as well as my eyes, Peeta moved one hand to easily clasp both of mine against the chair where they were resting above my head. With the other he stroked his fingers over my abdomen, smiling when he dipped his pinkie into my navel and continued up to circle each breast with his knuckles. I couldn't stop the arch of my back if I'd wanted to, nor the little mewls of pleasure that slipped past my lips.

"Peeta…" I gasped and let my eyes flutter shut at his touch. I didn't need them open to hear the smile in his voice as he hushed me and lowered his lips to the peak of one breast, laving it with his tongue until I felt I was about to burst only to then release it and move onto the other. When he sensed I was close, he would again shift his attention to the other breast.

Punishment my ass, this was torture.

"Please…please…" I begged, my hands struggling for release just like my body was. I tried to raise my hips again only to have them pinned to the chair like my hands.

"No more tickling?" Peeta asked with a warning in his voice and to punctuate the question, pressed his growing hardness against one of my pinned legs.

"No more tickling." I promised. "Just let me touch you." I groaned and struggled to free my hands once more. Peeta had shown pretty considerable restraint throughout this little exchange, but as soon as I asked to touch him, his calm exterior came crashing down and he released me immediately.

"Always." He said with a ragged sigh and caught my lips in a searing hot kiss. I wrapped my arms around his back, gathering the hem of his shirt as I moved my hands upwards and yanked the shirt over his head. I made a noise of frustration when I felt the shirt catch on something around Peeta's neck, and pulled back from our kissing trying to see what it was.

My eyes immediately filled with tears when I saw, in the moonlight filling the room, just what had hindered me on my goal to undressing him. On a thin silver chain, clearly more suited to a woman's neck than a man's, was my pearl. Held by a claw-shaped setting and dangling in the space between Peeta's collar bones.

He watched me cautiously as I reached out to touch it with my fingertips and then leaned forward to kiss it like I had a million times when his lips weren't there to kiss me back.

"Now you can keep us both safe for as long as you'll have us." He whispered, sitting up around my hips a little and reaching behind his neck to unhook the chain. I wiped my eyes and sat up as gracefully as I could, topless and with snot running from my nose.

I nodded as he hooked the chain around my neck and I touched it again with the fingertips of one hand and with the other, ran fingertips over his lips that were as soft as the pearl.

"Forever Peeta, I'll keep you both forever." I sniffed and finally pulled him close so that our bare torsos were pressed firmly together, the coolness of the pearl digging into one of my own collar bones as we kissed passionately.

After a few more minutes of kissing, Peeta climbed from the chair, pulling me up with him and hoisted me into his arms so that my legs went around his hips at the waist of his jeans and his arms were wrapped around my naked upper half. We kissed and pawed at each other as he stumbled towards the stairs, hoisting me higher on his body before he started climbing the steps as fast as his prosthetic would carry us.

I focused on kissing his neck and shoulders while he kept his eyes on the top of the landing.

"I love you." He grunted as we slammed into the closed bedroom door. I moaned and pulled back to look into his eyes. He'd never heard me say it back while he was awake and I wanted to make sure he heard me loud and clear now.

"I love you too, Peeta. More than anything." I breathed and dropped my legs down so that I could stand. His answering smile could have lit the whole house.

While Peeta was reaching around me for the doorknob, I reached for the fly of his jeans and hastily pushed them to the ground, followed by my own. We stumbled into the bedroom, kicking our pants from our feet as we went and fell onto the bed together with nothing except our thin underwear between us.

"Katniss…" He whispered and it felt like a question. A question that could only be asking for permission to cross that final line.

I answered him by reaching into the nightstand for that box Haymitch had given him several weeks earlier and removing one of the small packages from inside. I placed it on top of the comforter beside us and moved up the bed so that my head was resting on the pillows and opened my arms to him.

Peeta swallowed nervously and crawled up the bed to hover over me. "Just let me know if you need me to stop." He whispered, kissing his way across my shoulders and then pecking me on the lips gently.

I nodded, just as nervous as he was, and reached down for the edges of my panties and started to slide them down. Peeta's hands stilled my progress and I looked up into his eyes, narrowing my own in confusion.

"Please let me do that." He begged and I dropped my hands to the bed, gripping the comforter in my fists and nodding vehemently.

With unbelievable gentleness, Peeta hooked his forefingers into either side of my underwear and slowly began to slide them down my thighs, kissing his way from my shoulders to my breasts, and down my flat belly as he went. He ghosted a kiss over my aching center, down my inner thighs and stopped at my feet. He smiled against my instep, probably thinking of the joke about my funny feet that had begun this encounter, and nipped at my big toe as he pushed the balled up panties aside at the edge of the mattress.

He stood slowly at the end of the bed, never taking his eyes off of me as he reached down and unhooked his prosthetic first and then pushed his boxers to the ground. I lay there looking him over. Lingering on some of his more prominent scars, tracing the rounded stump where his real leg ended with my eyes.

He stood there for a moment just letting me take in the sight of him and smiled when my eyes landed on his throbbing erection. I couldn't help the blush that rose to my cheeks as I thought about it being inside of me. More to the point, how on Earth it would fit.

"Like I said…" Peeta whispered kneeling on the bed and crawling up to me. "Let me know if you need me to stop." He said with jagged breath and brushed his nose against mine gently before kissing me sweetly as he settled on top of me. I nodded again and held his face with one hand, tracing the column of his spine with the other as we squirmed against each other.

We kissed and petted to the point Peeta's sweaty body began to glide effortlessly over mine until our hips were almost aligned perfectly. With a shuddering breath, Peeta pulled back from my lips and looked down into my eyes. He turned his head to wipe the sweat from his forehead against his shoulder which mussed his hair adorably and reached for the little package beside me on the mattress.

I smiled and settled my hands on his hips as he sat back straddling my knees and worked with shaky fingers to open the package. I wanted to offer to help, but I honestly had no idea how to use the protection. I silently hoped that Haymitch had given him some idea of what to do with it. I watched with open interest as Peeta removed a small rubber circle from the wrapping, pinched a small bubble in the middle of the circle, and placed it against the tip of his penis before carefully rolling it down to cover his length.

I had lifted myself up onto my elbows by this point and was arching an eyebrow at him, uncertainly. "That's it?" I asked, using the back of one hand to wipe my own forehead.

Peeta looked down at himself and laughed softly. "I sure hope you mean the condom and not my…" he scratched the back of his head nervously and I gasped and shook my head with a chuckle.

"No, no…I was just…I don't know how they work and I was just hoping that maybe Haymitch…" I trailed off and Peeta scooted forward, leaning forward over me where I still lay propped up on my elbows.

"He did tell me how to use them…unfortunately that's a discussion that I will never be able to erase from my memory." He joked and pressed a few soft kisses to my neck, my cheek and finally my lips.

I giggled and lay back against the pillows, settling my hands on his hips first, and then with a spark of boldness, moved them to his backside and squeezed lightly.

Peeta took my cue and began to kiss me slow and deep as one arm went under my neck to support my head and the other slid down between us to warm me up for what was to come.

"Oh Peeta…" I gasped and began pumping my hips as he slid two and then three fingers into me. I could feel myself opening up to him more and more, my insides loosening up with every stroke of his fingers.

"You feel amazing Katniss…" He grunted and I felt his hardness pressing more insistently against my hip. "I'm…I don't think I'll be able to…what I mean is, this might be kinda…fast the first time…" He whispered with red cheeks and I smiled and reached to move his hand away from me only to guide him to wrap it around himself.

"I'm sure it'll be wonderful, Peeta. Everything we've ever done together to this point has been." I assured him and with a deep breath, spread my legs out to the side and raised them up so that my knees were at his hips, my heels digging into the mattress around them.

He seemed to relax when I said this and leaned in to kiss me again. I felt his tip graze my center a few times, collecting the wetness there and spreading it over his length, most likely to help him ease in as comfortably for me as possible. Knowing he was going to such lengths to put me at ease made me love him just that much more and I used my hands on his backside to guide him where I so desperately wanted him to be. He tried hard to continue kissing me as he began to slowly, inch by inch push himself inside.

I couldn't keep my eyes from widening at the sensation. He was much bigger than the fingers he'd been using on me thus far. I knew he could feel my reaction as I sensed him moving even slower than before. I fought to control my breathing, in through my nose and out through my mouth. I screamed at myself in my head, telling my body to relax and accept him inside. That this was Peeta and he'd never, ever do anything to purposefully hurt me.

It was in the midst of this internal argument that I realized he had stopped moving and I opened my eyes to look down between us curiously. He was buried completely inside of me, filling me gloriously. I took another deep breath and looked up into his eyes where I could see it was taking every ounce of his self control to keep from moving. He was waiting for me to tell him that it was okay to.

"I…I'm alright, go ahead." I said with a shaky breath and Peeta narrowed his eyes at me, wanting to be certain I was telling the truth.

"Move Peeta, please move."I gasped and tried to wiggle my hips against his. He moaned and dropped his head to my shoulder, breathing like he had run from here to the Capitol and back, and slowly began to pull out. I gasped again, louder and his head lifted immediately so that he could look into my eyes. He'd thought he'd hurt me.

"Sorry, that was a good noise, I promise." I said trying to laugh a little but it really just came out as a moan when he started pulling back again. This time he kept his eyes steady on mine as he pulled back to the entrance and pushed up onto his elbows to begin pushing back in.

I was ready for him this time, already knowing what to expect and enjoying every amazing inch of him against my walls as he slid in to the hilt. He started to pull back again and I raised my hips with the movement, trying to catch the rhythm he was trying to set.

"Faster…please faster, Peeta.."I moaned and bit down on his arm where it was propped on the elbow beside my head and moved one leg to stroke down the calf of his remaining one with my foot. He clearly didn't need to be told twice.

Still kissing me, he slid one arm under my lower back, angling my hips to take his thrusts more directly and he began to push in and out at a faster pace, the grunting against my lips only increasing my excitement.

I moaned loudly and moved both legs to wrap them around his waist, moving awkwardly with him but obviously doing enough right to push us both closer to that edge I'd last let him push me over in the shower. I let my body remember the feel of his hands and lips on me that morning so many weeks ago and then I could not only feel the edge, but see it reflected back in his eyes as he began pounding his hips into mine relentlessly.

"Shit Katniss…." He cried and squeezed his eyes shut tight, I'm sure trying to hold off as long as possible. Knowing that he was so close made me feel a little rushed and I saw that edge slipping away from me slightly. Looking at Peeta's face, I knew there was no stopping him from reaching his climax; he was at the point of no return.

"Go on, it's okay." I whispered beside his ear and he dropped his forehead to my shoulder, his hips snapping back and forth of their own accord. He no longer had control over the rhythm of his body and I knew he was about to finish.

And with one last long, low grunt, he did. I arched into him, feeling his whole body shaking with his release. I knew he was spent when he collapsed on top of me and his lungs heaved for breath in the humid room. I stroked my hands down his back to calm him, drawing random shapes in the slick sweat that seemed to coat his whole body.

"That was…you were…" He whispered hoarsely and I smiled against the wet hair at his temple and kissed his ear.

"Shh…rest…" I said with a chuckle and shifted my hips slightly as I began to feel uncomfortable with him still inside of me. Peeta used his last ounce of energy to pull out and I sighed in relief, my core still tingling and not surprisingly, hurting a little from our encounter.

I continued to lazily stroke my fingers up and down his strong back as our breathing returned to normal. Finally, Peeta pushed himself over onto his side with a groan and reached down to remove the condom. As he did so though, he looked down between us and gasped at the drops of blood staining the light comforter.

"Shit! Shit! Did I hurt you?! Are you alright? Let me see Katniss!" He said sitting up and tossing the condom in the trash with one hand, trying to part my legs with the other. I suddenly felt really embarrassed and grabbed for the throw blanket at the end of the bed, pulling it up over my naked body and pushing his hand away.

"Peeta, stop! I'm fine alright, just…sore…" I hissed, fixing the blanket around me as I sat up against the pillows.

"But…but the blood…" he said waving a hand at the stain between us. I rolled my eyes and threw a nasty glance toward the window that looked out at Haymitch's house.

"Seriously..." I muttered and turned back to Peeta. "He gave you protection, I would have assumed he explained how things would work on my end…" I groaned and tucked the blanket under my armpits with a sigh. "That's totally normal for some girls the first time." I explained and Peeta looked between me and the stain a few times, not sure whether I was telling the truth or not.

"Honest, I'm really okay. Just a little sore is all." I promised and reached out to stroke his cheek. Peeta averted his eyes quickly and threw his own nasty look towards Haymitch's house.

"Oh. Okay. So…that was…that was…I dunno, good for you then?" He mumbled, still not looking at me. I reached out a hand and touched his cheek again, turning his face so that he was looking me right in the eyes.

"That was better than good." I answered honestly and offered him a smile that was so sappy the old Katniss from before the games would have gagged.

Peeta's shoulders dropped immediately and he smiled back. "Oh…cool." He said faking nonchalance and scooted over to my side of the bed and tugged on the edge of the throw. "Room for one more in there?" he asked mimicking his tone from downstairs when he'd asked to sit on the recliner with me.

"I think it'd be better if we just got under the covers." I suggested and stood with the throw still around me and tugged the comforter, blanket and top sheet down.

Peeta smiled and leaned over to snatch his boxers from the floor, slipping them back on before he slid under the covers and waited for me to join him. I kept the throw around me for the time being and climbed under the covers myself, snuggling into his arms.

Peeta folded his arms around my back, the fingers of one hand toying unconsciously with the fringe around the throw blanket I was wrapped in, the other stroking up and down one of my bare arms. I was surprised to find that despite all of the emotional growth Peeta and I had experienced since we'd both been together in 12, making love with Peeta had made me feel even closer to him than I'd already grown. I'd felt safe those nights on the train during the victory tour, but that safety seemed to only last as long as it took for the sun to rise again the next morning. It was an ephemeral feeling of safety at best. But lying in our bed, in what we had begun to call our home, the sweet and sort of musty smell of our love making still hanging in the air, I felt totally and completely at peace for the first time in…well, I couldn't even remember how long.

I snuggled deeper into his arms and Peeta kissed the top of my head gently. I lifted my chin and caught his lips in a languid kiss. We cuddled closer, brushing sensitive parts and I sighed happily and stretched against him.

"Can we lose the throw?" Peeta mumbled between kisses and I chuckled into his mouth.

"Actually, I could use a break for a bit if you don't mind." I said feeling my eyes droop. Of course, I wasn't JUST talking about being tired. I really was sore. Peeta sighed and pouted his bottom lip out adorably and I caught it between my teeth. "Later, promise." I whispered and turned over, snuggling into his arms with my back to him.

"Oh, wait, hang on." Peeta said grunting as he climbed off of the bed and hopped over to the windows, holding onto furniture as he went since he had taken his prosthetic leg off for the night. He went to the window that was already cracked open and pushed it open some more and then moved to the next one and opened it all the way as well.

"Hey, it's not that warm at night anymore." I laughed and pulled the covers around myself more as he hopped back over to the bed.

"Don't worry." Peeta grinned and climbed back into bed, tugging me back into his arms securely. "I'll keep you plenty warm." He said kissing the back of my neck with a smack. I settled back into his arms and fell asleep quickly to the sound of Peeta breathing in my ear and a chorus of crickets chirping outside the bedroom windows in the summer night.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

I'd planned on sleeping for a little and then waking up to give Peeta that 'later' I'd promised him, but truth be told, I hadn't realized just how tired I'd be. Sex was exhausting.

When I did finally wake up, it was already mid-morning and every muscle in my body, including a few I didn't know I had, felt like they'd been stretched in a taffy pulling machine like the one Peeta and I had looked at a few days earlier to have installed in the bakery.

I felt the heavy weight of Peeta's arms around me and the telltale heat of his breath on my cheek as I blinked open my eyes and rubbed the sleep out of them. I stretched slowly and felt my joints pop, my muscles protesting even the simplest of movements. I grinned to myself and turned my head slowly to find Peeta was still asleep and didn't look likely to wake up anytime soon. I lay there watching the gentle breeze from the window rhythmically sway the curtains back and forth.

I moaned softly, remembering the rhythm Peeta and I moved with last night, and felt a blush spread from my neck to my cheeks. I quietly slipped out of the bed.

The throw I'd wrapped myself in had loosened at some point during the night and I tightened it as I climbed off of the bed and went to look out the window.

I couldn't help but smile at Haymitch, hollering at a pair of geese who had strayed from the flock and chasing after them with his cane. I was so caught up in watching him that I didn't feel Peeta coming up behind me until his arms were around my shoulders.

"Morning, beautiful." He murmured with a sleep roughened voice that made me weak in the knees. I reached up to grip his forearms where they were folded across my chest and kissed the bicep nearest to my lips.

"Morning, sleep well?" I asked with a grin as I turned my head enough to look up into his face. His eyes were still half closed and he had a slight 5 o'clock shadow dusting his face. He'd literally never looked sexier.

"Mmmm…only the best ever…" he whispered and swayed gently back and forth with me still wrapped in his arms. He chuckled watching Haymitch with the geese and blew a raspberry on my neck before hopping back over to the bed and throwing himself on top of the covers spread eagle on his back.

I turned from the window, raising my eyebrows at him and leaning back to perch on the edge of the sill. He was just opening his mouth to say something when the telephone rang and he leaned over to grab the handset off of the nightstand.

"Hello?" He asked sitting up and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

"Thom…hey…yeah…" he made surprised face at me and leaned backwards to look at the clock. "Oh shit! Yeah, sorry I guess I…slept in….not feeling well?" He asked, testing the words as he thought about whether they held the key to his getting to stay home for the day rather than go take the finalized plans to look over with Thom, the foreman on the bakery build. "Uh…yeah…I guess that might…might explain it…" he said trying not to smile. "Sure…I'll bring em' by first thing tomorrow…uh huh…you too…later." Peeta dropped the phone back into the cradle and flipped back over, smiling devilishly at me. He burst out laughing when he saw the mock shocked and disappointed look on my face.

"Peeta Mellark!" I gaped and strode over to the edge of the bed, sitting down heavily and shaking my head. "I certainly hope my lack of good manners isn't rubbing off on you." I said trying to sound like Effie.

"So what if it is?" He asked reaching out and grabbing me around my waist, pulling me down to the blankets with him. "I like you rubbing off on me." He whispered and pushed his hips suggestively against mine. I gasped at his double entendre and swatted him on the chest playfully.

Peeta just chuckled heartily and settled his full weight on top of me, leaning in to kiss my lips softly. I could already feel his growing erection stirring against my belly between us and I hiked the hem of the throw blanket I had wrapped around me up so that it rested just above my knees. Peeta reached for the top where it was tucked under my armpits and slowly began to unwrap me.

"I love you." I whispered and melted into his kisses.

"Love you too." Peeta whispered back and unwound the blanket from my body until I was lying bare beneath him. He reached for the box on the nightstand and removed another package from it, laying it next to my head as he deepened our kisses, his hips already beginning to move like he was inside of me.

I reached down and pushed his shorts to his knees and fumbled for the little package next to my head. Peeta smiled against my neck as he kissed his way down to my chest and back to my lips, pulling back briefly to watch me frantically trying to rip open the condom.

"Mmm…I can't wait either…" he gasped and sat up on his knees, watching as I rolled the condom onto his length to make sure I was doing it right. I scooted myself back to the pillows and slid under the covers, holding them up so that Peeta could join me, which he did.

He kicked his boxers the rest of the way off and climbed on top of me under the layers of blankets, peppering kisses up and down my body. He seemed to know enough about this to realize that I needed a little bit more foreplay than he did. Not much at this point, but a little.

When we were once again face to face, I pulled his face down to mine, kissing all over it tenderly as I felt him lining his hips up with mine and entering me with just the tip at first. I moaned loudly and thrust my hips up to meet his, looping my arms around his torso and gently beginning to run my nails up and down his smooth back.

This was all the encouragement Peeta needed. He kissed me long and hard as he pushed my hips back down to the bed with his, entering me slowly at the same time. It wasn't long before we were both thrusting against each other searching for release. I hadn't reached my climax the night before, having psyched myself out with the enormity of the act we were engaging in. I planned on making up for that.

I surprised myself by how quickly I was nearing my peak as Peeta tried to do all of the same things he'd done the night before to bring us both pleasure. I still felt a little pain where we were joined but nothing bad enough to dampen the good feelings. I moaned into his mouth and pushed my hips up harder against his, letting him know that it was okay to move faster and harder too.

Peeta picked up on my cues pretty well for this only being our second time doing this and soon we were both tumbling over the edge together and collapsing in a heap of sweaty limbs beneath the covers. Peeta rolled off of me and discreetly disposed of the condom before rolling back into my arms.

"Do those…feel okay?" I asked nodding towards the box on the nightstand and propping my head up on one arm as I moved my hand across Peeta's head, twisting little curly-cues into his blonde hair playfully.

Peeta looked thoughtful for a moment and then shrugged. "I don't think I feel as much as I would without them, but they're okay." He answered in the most unconvincing voice I'd ever heard.

"I could call Effie…see if she can suggest something…I…I heard there's this…shot they can give to girls. It lasts 3 months and we wouldn't have to have anything between us." I ran a thumb over his bottom lip and leaned in to kiss it gently. "That'd be nice." I whispered and nuzzled his cheek with my nose.

"Sure, I mean…only if you want that." Peeta said propping his own head up on an elbow and reaching out to play with a strand of my tangled hair. I could tell just by the ghost of a smile on his lips that my hair must have been a wild mess.

"That bad huh?" I chuckled and reached up to touch my hair. Peeta chuckled and I sat up, letting the covers slip to my waist. "Wanna help me get the knots out in the shower?" I said with a grin and slid off the end of the bed, offering him my hand to help him up.

"Uhh..let me think about that one…sure." He laughed and threw off the covers, scooting himself to the edge of the mattress and taking my hand. I looped his arm over my shoulders and we were just heading into the adjoining bathroom when there was a knock at the door downstairs.

"Ugh…Haymitch." I grumbled and helped Peeta into the bathroom, turning on the water to let it warm up. "You okay a second while I run down and kill him?" I asked grabbing a robe from the back of the door and pulling it on.

"Sure, don't be long…I'll help you get rid of the body later, just tuck it under the porch steps for now." He quipped and I winked at him as I tied the robe and hurried out the bathroom door and down the steps. I rolled my eyes when I heard him knock again.

"Alright, alright! Jeez, Haymitch what's so freakin' important that it can't wait until after noon when…" I trailed off as I yanked the door open and my jaw nearly dropped to the ground.

"Gale…" I was surprised I even managed to force his name past my lips.

"Hello, Katniss."


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Glad everyone seems to be enjoying this! Lots of views and follows already!

Chapter 6

I was so shocked by his presence that what manners I did have took over on autopilot and I stepped aside to let him in. Gale smiled cautiously and stepped around me into the foyer. While he stood glancing around the house, I took the opportunity to look him over after not having set eyes on him in some time.

He looked older in his new Capitol uniform. Having taken some important job within the government and now living in District 2, it seemed Gale was well-fed and keeping himself in shape. Of course he looked good, he always looked good to me. He had been my best friend and closest confidant for years. This man knew things about me that even Peeta didn't.

Peeta!

I glanced toward the stairs and tightened my bathrobe around my body modestly as I remembered I was naked beneath it.

"What…brings you back to 12, Soldier Hawthorne?" I asked trying to joke with him. Things had been strained between Gale and I since the end of the war. Neither of us knew for sure whether it was one of the bombs he designed that had killed my little sister, but when it came down to it, I didn't really need certainty. It was enough to know that there existed a possibility that my best friend had a hand in the death of my little sister. Gale and I had mutually agreed that based on that possibility, I would never be able to love him in the way he wanted me to. I would never be able to love him like I loved Peeta.

Gale smiled sadly and played with the brim of his hat as he held it in front of his chest. "Just…thought I'd come see how you're doing…what with the house arrest and all." He said clearing his throat.

I shrugged and folded my arms over my chest. "Twelve is my home." I said trying to keep the defensive tone out of my voice. "I'd be living here even if I wasn't made to by the government." I said moving to stand in front of the stairs.

Gale, a life-long hunter immediately noticed my change to a protective stance. He glanced briefly up the stairs, trying to keep emotion off of his face and then took in the sight of me. Arms folded, hair a mess, cheeks ruddy from the brush burn of new facial hair being scratched over them, robe wrapped tightly around my body.

He tried, but couldn't hide the slight look of disappointment that passed over his face, nor the crinkle between his eyebrows as he dropped his gaze to the floor.

"Yeah…I know it would be." He mumbled and dropped his arms, tapping the dress hat against his thigh. "So…you and Peeta…" he said looking up the stairs again and back to me. "He any better?" he asked sounding genuinely curious.

I allowed my arms to drop a little and looked up the steps with the smile I reserved only for when thinking of Peeta.

"You know…good days and bad…he's getting there." I said still smiling as I looked up the stairs.

I swung my gaze back to Gale when he didn't respond to that and was met with a look of obvious sadness. Knowing what he was thinking, my own face fell, mirroring the sadness I saw in Gale's.

"You know…there was a time I would have given anything to have you smile for me that way." He whispered and I stepped forward, an ancient loyalty to this boy who'd helped me feed my family for so many years, trumping any negative feelings I had for him since the death of my little sister.

I took his hand gently in mine, looking down at our entwined fingers. "There was a time…when you were the only one I wanted to smile for that way." I admitted freely, knowing it wouldn't change anything.

When Gale raised his eyes to mine again, gone was the soldier of the new Panem. Gone was the golden boy of the Star Squad. Gone was the quiet rebel who shook his fist at the Capitol in the privacy of our forest haven. In the eyes of the man before me, I suddenly could only see that 14-year-old boy I met in the woods who had also lost his father. I reached up to wipe a tear from one of Gale's eyes and tugged him forward by the hand I was holding until we were holding each other and crying.

I was never going to be Gale's. He knew that and I knew that, but that didn't mean we couldn't both mourn the loss of the people we thought we would be together.

I didn't know how long we stood that way, but what finally broke us apart made my life miserable for the next 4 days.

It was Gale who broke his hold on me first. I was just turning my head to see why he had so abruptly let me go when I heard him gasp.

"Woa, hey…Peeta, wait!" Gale called up the stairs and I quickly pulled back from him myself and rushed for the bottom of the staircase. As I reached the bottom step, what I saw on the top one broke my heart.

Peeta was standing there, his prosthetic leg in place and his boxers and an undershirt back on, gripping the railing on both sides of the stairs so tightly that I could see the white of his knuckles on both hands even from where I stood. The worst part though was his face. His eyes were squeezed shut tightly as he shook his head back and forth and I could just hear him whispering 'not real, not real, not real' over and over and over.

"Gale!…Get Haymitch!" I yelled over my shoulder as I rushed up the stairs trying to get to Peeta. Without thinking, I threw my arms around his neck, pressing my cheek to his and whispering over and over 'not real' just as he was.

"It's okay Peeta, it's okay." I said holding the back of his head with both hands and scratching my fingers through his hair lightly. When he realized it was me holding him, Peeta pulled back with a groan and began weeping like I hadn't ever seen him do before which of course, set me off crying as well.

"I'm so sorry…I'm so sorry, sweetie." I cried covering my mouth with both hands as I dropped to my knees in front of him. Peeta was still holding onto the railings like a life-line and I turned when I heard Haymitch hollering at me as he climbed the steps.

"What are you crazy, girl? Get the hell out of here! Get over to my house, now!" He yelled, yanking me from the floor and turning me towards the downstairs. As soon as he saw that I was stumbling down the steps he turned back to Peeta. I was met by Gale at the bottom step and he pulled me into his arms again as I was crying inconsolably, and fixed my robe which was slipping from my shoulders a bit. I glanced back to where I could still hear Peeta and Haymitch upstairs and I could make out Peeta still maniacally repeating 'not real' and Haymitch trying to calm him down and get him back to the bedroom.

"Hawthorne, you get her outta here! I'm gonna put him in the shower and see if I can't settle him down!" He yelled down the steps and Gale opened the door before scooping me up into his arms. He carried me across the lawn to Haymitch's door and took me inside.

Gale carried me up to the second floor and pushed open one of the bedroom doors with his back before taking me inside and settling me on the bed gently. I couldn't have stopped my tears if I'd wanted to. This was the worst I had seen Peeta react to something since he'd been back. And once again, I was the cause of it.

"Shit, I'm so sorry Catnip…" Gale whispered, sitting down on the edge of the bed and stroking my cheek with the back of his hand.

I nodded, trying my best to settle my breathing and stop crying. I wiped my eyes with the too-long sleeves of my robe and curled up in a ball.

"Can I get you anything? Is there anything I can do?" Gale asked still stroking my cheek. I shook my head and turned over to bury my face in the pillow with a hiccupping sigh.

"Alright, well I can at least go grab you some…some clothes from next door. Why don't you go get in the shower? See if that makes you feel any better? I mean, you were headed for the shower when I came to the door anyway right?" he said quietly and I nodded into the pillow but said nothing else.

I heard Gale turn the water in the bathroom on before he went out the door and headed next door.

I lay there for a few minutes, just trying to settle my breathing. How could I have been so stupid? I finally dragged myself from the bed and stumbled into the bathroom and climbed in the shower. It didn't make me feel any better considering this was the shower Peeta and I had first touched each other in.

I heard the door to the bedroom open as I was rinsing the shampoo out of my hair.

"Katniss?" It was Gale. I sighed and leaned forward to rest my head against the tile wall with my eyes closed.

"I'll be out in a minute…" I called over the water and rinsed once more before turning the water off. I toweled off in the shower and pulled my robe back on. I was running a brush through my hair as I walked back into the bedroom and Gale was sitting on the windowsill looking out at the house next door.

"How's he doing?" I asked trying to sound casual but the waver in my voice betrayed my true feelings.

"Still pretty out of it." Gale answered without turning his head and I took this as a sign that he was planning to avert his eyes until I was dressed. _Still pretty out of it._ If there was one thing I could always depend on Gale for, it was to give it to me straight.

"I'm so stupid…" I sighed picking up my underwear from the pile of clean clothes Gale brought back with him and pulled it on under my robe. I picked up the rest of the clothing and moved over to set them on top of the dresser that put me most directly in line with Gale's back and shrugged out of the robe.

"You didn't know he'd come down the steps like that, Katniss." Gale said shaking his head as he continued to stare out the window. "We weren't doing anything wrong anyway…it's just the way it looked in his head because of the hijacking." He said trying to reason with me.

I shook my head even though he couldn't see me and quickly pulled on a bra, pants and a t-shirt. I mindlessly braided my hair as I walked over to sit across from Gale in the window.

"How long were you planning on staying?" I asked and then chuckled lightly when I realized how rude that sounded. "I mean…I mean are you staying in 12 for a while?" I asked and Gale turned his head toward me, looking at me for a long time before he sighed heavily.

"Well, I came here to see how you were and I guess…a little bit hoping that maybe you were still moping around alone in your house…" he said with a smile that told me he was kidding, but only partly. "So…I guess I'll just leave with the next train but that doesn't come in for another week." He mumbled. "It's okay though, I'll stay with Haymitch if it's easier on Peeta."

I laughed without humor and leaned my head back on the windowpane. "It's probably Peeta who will be staying with Haymitch, Gale." I whispered, trying to keep the tears at bay but it was just so shocking to be where I was right at that moment when just the night before, just that _morning_, I'd been giggling happily in Peeta's arms as we learned more and more about each other's bodies.

"Then I'll stay in Peeta's old house." Gale said standing up with a huff. "I'm not going to make this any harder on you guys, Katniss." He said putting his hands on his hips. "I know it's hard to believe, but I don't _try_ to cause you pain on purpose." He growled and started pacing in front of me.

I stood and walked into the line he was pacing, making him stop short before he walked into me. We each held our ground, staring into each other's eyes. "If you think I'd believe you did any of this on purpose…" I hissed, shaking my head. "Then you don't know me at all, Gale Hawthorne." I said moving around him and heading for the door. He reached out and caught me by the elbow before I could leave the room and I spun on him with an aggravated sigh.

"Alright, that was a low blow…I'm sorry." He mumbled and released my arm when he was sure I wasn't going to run.

"I'll stay at Peeta's, you stay here and be ready for him in case…for _when_ he comes back." I appreciated his change of phrasing and acknowledged it with a small smile.

"Thanks…I…I think that'd probably be for the best." I said before finally heading back downstairs, pulling on a pair of shoes I'd left at Haymitch's and went out on the porch just in time to see Haymitch coming out onto my porch and closing the door behind him. He saw me standing anxiously on the steps down to the yard and his shoulders sagged slightly as he made his way over to me.

"Well?" I demanded when he didn't say anything. Haymitch looked over my shoulder and I sensed that Gale was at the door behind me.

"Haymitch, tell me!" I growled and he took another step toward me and held his hand out. The red X was hanging from one of his fingertips.

"Until further notice…this goes for your whole house. You can stay here and I'll stay with the boy." He said with a shrug and I felt the tears I'd been trying to hold back suddenly rush to my eyes once again. I looked back at Gale, then to Haymitch, and then to the house Peeta and I shared before I stepped forward into Haymitch's waiting arms.


	7. Chapter 7

_A Constant Reminder _

_Of where I can find her_

_A light that might give up the _

_Way_

_Is all that I'm asking for _

_Without her I'm lost_

_Oh my love, don't fade away _

Mumford and Sons- Reminder

**Chapter 7 **

I spent that night sitting on the porch of Haymitch's house wrapped in a fleece blanket, my eyes trained on the open upstairs window of my house where I knew Peeta was fighting off his demons. Haymitch was with him but I knew Peeta wouldn't let him stay up there in the room with him. He preferred to fight these particular battles on his own.

When I woke up laying on the porch swing in the morning, I found Gale sitting on the railing in front of me, his arms crossed and a disapproving frown marring his otherwise attractive face. I could tell I was in trouble. I was also hopeful that Gale could tell I didn't give a damn.

"Morning." He quipped with a smirk and I rubbed my eyes as I sat up, pulling the blanket around my shoulders better.

"Yeah, yeah spare me the lecture. I know I shouldn't be sleep-" I was on a roll but Gale cut me off as he hopped down from the railing he was sitting on and started down the steps, heading toward Peeta's old house that he had stayed in the night before.

"Come with me." He called over his shoulder and I looked around, puzzled and still a little sleepy. I waited until he was almost to the front door before I dragged myself off the swing and adjusted the blanket so that I wouldn't be dragging it as I followed him over to the house.

Gale had left the door open for me and I called his name as I pushed open the front door.

"In here!" he called from upstairs and I climbed the steps to the second floor. When I reached the upstairs hall, I noticed the door Peeta used as an art studio was the only one open so I shuffled down to it and slowly pushed open the door.

What I found was Gale sitting in the middle of the room on a stool. He had the same look on his face I saw on Peeta's the morning after Gale was whipped and I woke up with my head on the table Gale was recovering on, having held his hand all through the night. It was in that moment that Peeta had become acutely aware of how deep my feelings for Gale went.

I could guess the reason why that look was on Gale's face that morning sitting amidst walls practically papered with paintings, charcoal drawings, and pencil sketches of nothing but me. I was looking around the room, slightly in awe (even though I had seen his work before, it was still a little intimidating to walk into a room and see your own face everywhere) when Gale sighed heavily and rubbed his forehead with both hands.

"I wasn't sure yesterday when you said that he was getting better…" Gale's voice was so quiet I could barely here him. It was the tone he used when we were actively hunting in the woods, waiting for game to cross our path. "…but he….he's still in there, isn't he?" he asked looking around the room. "The Peeta who's loved you since he was 5-years-old?" he asked finally settling his eyes on me.

I took a deep breath myself and looked around the room again. A small smile forced its way to my lips and I nodded slowly, pulling the blanket tighter around my shoulders like it was Peeta's own arms holding me.

"Yeah. He's still in there." I whispered and moved over to Gale, reaching out to take his hand gently. I stood there, just holding his hand as he looked at me, any final hopes he might have had of a future with me getting sucked out the window with the light morning breeze.

Gale and I were eating lunch in Haymitch's kitchen (after spending an hour cleaning it up of course) when we heard the geese going berserk on the lawn followed by Haymitch's usual shouting and swearing at them. We both sat up straighter in our chairs as he stomped up the porch steps and entered the house through the kitchen door.

He cut a glance at the two of us looking expectantly at him, grumbled to himself and went to the sink where he pulled a bottle out from the cupboard and took a long swig. We watched as he made his way back to the table and dropped into his usual chair with a huff…and took another swig.

"Damn, stubborn…mule-headed boy." He growled and shook his head.

"He's still in the bedroom?" Gale asked when it became clear that my voice had left me.

Haymitch nodded. "Still…won't even let me come in to give him food, I have to leave it outside the door." He spat out and slammed the bottle down on the tabletop.

I flinched when he slammed the bottle and it jostled me out of my panicked silence. "This is the worst it's ever been." I mumbled and folded my arms on the table, dropping my face into them so that I didn't have to look at either Gale or Haymitch.

Nobody said it but we were all thinking about why this was the worst episode Peeta had since he'd been back in twelve. Of course it was because Peeta had been brainwashed to believe that all of my feelings for him, even the real ones, were a fabrication I'd made up in conjunction with the Capitol. They'd told him that the child we'd lied about _had _been real but it was Gale's child. Gale's child that I secretly had aborted to keep Peeta from knowing the truth. This was, of course, a lie, but when you're dealing with someone who even questions the name of the math teacher we had together 3 years ago, convincing him of even the smallest of details was sure to be an uphill battle.

"I want to talk to him." I said through the crack between my arms. I knew it wasn't the best idea at the time, but knowing just how badly Peeta was suffering, took me right to that place in my mind, back in 13, imagining all of the horrible things being done to him by the Capitol. I just wanted to hear his voice. To whisper to him that everything was alright. To hold him and protect him from the twisted, tortured memories the Capitol had poured into his head.

"Not a chance, Sweetheart." Haymitch sighed, leaning back in his chair. I knew what his answer was going to be but that didn't make it any easier to hear. I said nothing, just kept my head down on my arms and reached for the pearl dangling from my neck. I rolled it back and forth against my lips, trying to calm myself down. I would have needed a pearl the size of watermelon to calm me down after what I heard next leave Gale's mouth.

"Why don't I go try and talk to him?"

I lifted my head quickly and glared at him. "What are you _crazy_?!" I gasped and looked over to Haymitch for backup, only to be shocked when I saw him thinking it over. "Are you _both_ crazy!?" I yelled, pushing away from the table and stalking to the window to look over at my house.

"I'll admit…it's not the best plan we've ever cooked up, but at least Gale can fend for himself if Peeta gets physical…" Haymitch mused, watching me as I stood looking out the window.

"No, no way. It's insanity!" I growled and turned on them both, leaning with my back to the counter and crossing my arms. "Why is it any different that Gale should be around him? It was seeing BOTH of us that set this episode off in the first place." I argued and Gale sighed, and leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms.

"Right…seeing us hug set this off so you'll understand if I feel a little responsible for the state he's in…" he mumbled and I saw real regret on his face. I suspected it wasn't so much regret for Peeta's episode, though I'm sure he truly did feel bad about that, but more so, regret for what he was about to say.

"…and besides that, I as much as told Peeta that I knew you'd choose him…" he said softly and Haymitch's head snapped up.

"When?" he asked and his look of surprise grew when instead of Gale, I answered the question.

"During the war…when we were hiding out in Tigris' cellar…" I said looking only at Gale.

His cheeks reddened as he realized I had been awake for his and Peeta's conversation about who they believed I would choose to be with once the war was over. Despite all of the other pains I was feeling physically and emotionally that night snuggled into a pile of fur underclothes, the deepest cut had been listening to two of the people I cared about most discussing my choosing a partner based on survival rather than love.

Of course it was Gale who had said it, but Peeta certainly hadn't refuted it.

"Sorry…" he said looking truly remorseful. "You know we didn't mean it that way, Katniss." I couldn't help but smile.

"Of course you did." I said simply. "I was a different person before this war, Gale. Before the Games, before Peeta was hijacked…." I smiled sadly and looked at the floor then back to Gale. "I was a survivor. So were you. It's what any survivor would have expected of another."

At the time, my feelings still had me so terribly confused. Of course I loved them both but what motivated that love? Did I love Peeta before he was hijacked as Finnick said? Did I really already love him when he walked into that force field in the quarter quell and his heart had briefly stopped beating? According to Finnick I did. Even Prim seemed to recognize that I had strong feelings for Peeta and had told me as much in our temporary home in 13. I told myself that I had chosen Gale after he'd been whipped but was it Gale I was choosing or was I choosing the rebellion?

I had been pretty wounded by that late night conversation between Gale and Peeta. Especially with so many unanswered questions bouncing around in my 'mentally disoriented' head concerning the degree to which I cared for each of them. Before I fell asleep that night, I had even told myself that I could do just fine without either of them. And all that seemed to imply was that I did love them both if I cared so much about what they thought of me.

"It's your call Katniss." Haymitch said pulling me out of the memory of that night. I looked up to find both he and Gale staring at me, waiting for an answer. I was about to ask why I was the final word on whether Gale was allowed to go and talk to Peeta when the answer suddenly dropped on me like a ton of bricks.

For years, the sick and dying had been brought to my mother by loved ones desperate to see them healed. She did the best she could with what she had, but in the Seam good fortune was hard to come by, and proper medical care for the ills that plagued its people even harder still. When it came time for those final decisions to be made, or bad news to be shared, it was always the closest person to the patient whose word was final. Parent for a child. child for an elderly parent. Sister for a brother. Wife for a husband.

_Wife for a husband. _

Haymitch and Gale looked upon me as Peeta's mate. My back straightened and I shifted against the counter, crossing my arms self consciously over my chest again. It was one thing for Haymitch to think of Peeta and my relationship that way, but Gale had only been back in my life for a day!

"Do you think he can handle it Haymitch? You were with him last night and this morning…do you think he can take a visit from Gale?" I asked moving over to sit at the table once more. Haymitch leaned back in his chair and scratched the back of his head with both hands.

"Hard to say…I've never seen him quite like this. You have to remember kids…" He said looking between Gale and I. "A great deal of what they brainwashed him with during the hijackings had to do with you lying about your feelings for him and running around kissing Hawthorne." He said with a thumb jab towards Gale.

I could tell he immediately regretted the flippant way he had said that, but he was right. While Peeta was being tortured by the Capitol, I _was_ kissing Gale part of the time. The other part of the time I was wandering aimlessly from supply closet to janitorial closet living up to the 'mentally disoriented' classification written on my hospital bracelet. When it came down to it though, some of what Peeta had been shown during those hijackings was true.

I sighed heavily and slumped back in the chair defeated. "Fine…just…be careful, ok?" I said angrily as I turned to Gale. "You may be bigger than he is, but I can tell you from personal experience how strong he is during an episode." I said reaching up to touch my neck gently.

Gale nodded and looked between Haymitch and I for a long moment and then pushed away from the table. "I'll call in a little and give you an update." He said simply and dropped his dress coat on the back of his chair followed quickly by his tie. He was unbuttoning the top button on his collar as he headed for the door.

"I shouldn't ask you if there's anything you want me to tell him because that'd probably just set him off worse…but…" he turned in the open doorway and waved a hand at me, silently telling me that if there was anything I wanted to say to Peeta, it was now or never. I had to agree that passing a verbal message on was probably a poor idea. So instead, I passed a physical one on.

Gale's brow furrowed when I stood from the table and walked over to him, unlatching the necklace as I did.

"Tell him to wear this. Tell him to think of the other night…" I couldn't hide the slight blush on my cheeks even though I was trying very hard to. "….when he gave it to me and let it help him find his way back to me." I whispered dropping it into his waiting palm.

Gale, never one for many words, nodded once with a flash of that pained expression I'd seen in Peeta's art studio, and slipped out the door. I watched him walk all the way across the lawn, up the steps to my house and noticed that he took a moment for a deep breath, steeling himself for what he would be met with inside. I didn't look away until the door had opened and shut, but when I did, my eyes fell on Haymitch.

"Well…" he said cracking the seal on a new bottle and settling back into his chair. "This should be interesting." The statement was dripping with sarcasm, but I knew Haymitch was just as worried about how this was all going to play out as I was.

I nodded and moved robotically back to the table, dropping back into my seat. It only took about five seconds for Haymitch to assess my condition before he leaned forward and pushed the bottle he'd just opened over to me.

"First sip?" I asked raising my eyebrows as a small smile twitched its way to my lips. He waved an impatient hand at me and nodded. "Well ain't I special." I sighed and lifted the bottle to my lips, downing a hearty mouthful before depositing the bottle back in front of Haymitch.

His lips quirked up in something resembling a smile that fell just as quickly as it came. We both stared into each other's eyes for nearly a minute before we both turned our attention to the kitchen window and the house across the yard it was framing.


	8. Chapter 8

_So Give me hope in the _

_Darkness that I will see the _

_Light_

_Cos' oh, they gave me such a _

_Fright_

_But I will hold on with all of my might_

_Just promise me we'll be_

_Alright _

Mumford and Sons – Ghosts that we Knew

**Chapter 8**

(Peeta's POV)

_Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock. _

_This is a clock. _

What bits and pieces of this time in my life I remember I'm more than happy to share if it helps even one other victim of the Capitol's hijacking. Unfortunately, the general idea behind hijacking is that it takes away everything that makes us human. Our memories, feelings…the capacity for physical and verbal restraint. It leaves you acting like a beaten dog, snapping at anyone who gets too close because you've been conditioned to fear everyone and everything that once made you feel safe, or loved.

I count myself as one of the lucky ones because I was able to salvage something of a life after my torture and I know for certain that not everyone is able to say the same. I know it may sound crazy that I could ever think of myself as lucky after two trips to the arena, a lost leg, weeks of torture, and then having a quarter of the skin on my body damaged by an explosion that left me in a burn unit recovering for weeks and with scars on most of my body.

But I am lucky.

What else do you call a guy who goes through all of that and still gets to marry the girl he's loved since he was five and then has two of the most beautiful children on earth with her?

Sure, there are still times when I have to hold onto the back of a chair or keep a distance from Katniss and the children until I feel like myself again, but in the grand scheme of things, I walked through Hell and came out the other side.

It's not easy to still be having these troubling thoughts twenty years after the fact, but I have Katniss to help me through it and when the devil on my shoulder is paying too close attention to her, I have our children. My sweet little Bow who draws me pictures (she's already demonstrating quite a talent for art which of course, has me ecstatic) and pushes them under the door when the red X hangs on the knob, trying anything she can to make me feel better. My boy who has inherited more than just his mother's eyes, wants so badly to take care of everyone in his home. He seems to be a sort of canary for my episodes, always coming to me and curling up in my lap when he senses a change in my mood. He asks me to make 'treats' and so we spend the next few hours baking together which helps distract me from those hijacked thoughts.

Katniss scolds me for the amount of sweets I dole out to our kids on a day-to-day basis. I argue, and Haymitch stands up for me, saying it's nice to see children in District 12 with chubby cheeks and plump little bellies.

Yes, Haymitch still lives next door, though I don't know why he doesn't just move in to our house since he spends most of his time there anyway. He continues to act as a surrogate father to Katniss and to me, both of us having lost our father's before we'd reached adulthood.

Our children know him as their 'Paw-Paw'.

Of course he pretends he's merely tolerating the name for the sake of the children. Katniss and I find that hard to believe when we find him sleeping in the old recliner in our living room a few nights a week after dinner, the same two little children he claims to find bothersome tucked under each arm sleeping as well.

He's aged well despite his continued dependence on white liquor and is at least able to refrain from drinking when watching the children when Katniss and I get out of the house for some time alone. But I still have my episodes and Katniss still has her nightmares. There are days when she finds it difficult just to get out of bed and face the day. If we can carry the scars of our past, I suppose Haymitch is entitled to do the same.

After all he's done for us over the years, we at least owe him that. He's been more than just a mentor since we all returned to 12, acting as a teacher, therapist, marriage counselor, referee, and of course, the unofficial keeper of the rules of the red X. Others have helped along the way, but Haymitch has remained the most steadfast presence in our adult lives. Though we may not say it, Katniss and I both appreciate him more than he'd ever truly be able to understand, or accept for that matter.

_Tick. Tock. _

_Tick. Tock. _

_This is a clock. _

I mentioned that Haymitch had been there to help us both from the day I returned to 12. He knew that I wanted to repair my relationship with Katniss. That despite everything, I still loved her with all of my heart, even if my damaged mind didn't always agree. He was the one who had approved of my idea to plant primroses around Katniss' house and leant me the wheelbarrow and shovel to go dig them up.

I'd done pretty well in those first few months and was able to keep the bad thoughts away for the most part. Katniss and I had our routines of hunting and baking and when we came up with the idea for the memory book, it seemed to give us a shared purpose and made us feel like we were contributing something to this new post-Hunger Games world.

The hardest part was that sometimes there was no warning that an episode was coming. One minute I'd be fine, the next I'd snap. And when the fog finally lifted from my mind, I'd have missed several days. It used to scare me to death, now it's just something that I'm kind of…used to for lack of a better word. I wish my children weren't so used to it, but then they don't really know what that red X on the door means yet.

The first episode that brought up the idea for the red X ended with me grabbing onto Katniss' wrists so hard that she was bruised for a week. I had been showing her how to bake her beloved cheese buns when out of nowhere, I had her on the floor and was pinning both of her hands to the ground above her head, hard. Katniss had blown it off in the way she'd been doing during smaller episodes in the months since I'd been back but I insisted on having some kind of signal, some way for Katniss to know when it wasn't safe to be around me. With Katniss, I knew it had to be something physical, something tangible that she could see and touch that would force her to stay away no matter how badly she wanted to help. Even now, when I'm as far gone as I am during the worst episodes, I'm the only one that can help find my way back. Well, most of the time that's true, with very few exceptions in the past 20 years. Katniss has helped me during some lesser episodes, and Haymitch with some of the worse ones. I never would have expected it in a million years, but the person who helped me through one of the worst ones after I'd first returned home, was none other than Gale Hawthorne.

(20 years earlier)

_Tick. Tock. _

_Tick. Tock. _

_This is a clock. _

It's amazing the way time passes without you noticing it sometimes. When I was in my cell in the Capitol, I used the number of houses of cards I could build between visits from my armed guards to give me a rough estimation of the time. When they'd finally left behind any pretense that they were treating me well and I was kept in what amounted to a 6 foot by 6 foot cage, left dirty and starved between beatings and hijackings, I told the time by the pattern of screams I heard from the cells around me. Johanna's torture took place generally in the morning, a few hours before my own. Annie Cresta's time was usually a little after they slid a small jug of water and a single chicken leg under the door to me (the one meal per day that I received). Hers was mostly emotional and mental torture, but that didn't make it any less difficult to listen to night, after night, after night.

_Tick. Tock. _

_Tick. Tock. _

_This is a clock. _

It was while staring across the room I shared with Katniss in her home in Victor's Village at the clock on the wall thinking of my time in my cell, that I heard someone enter the house downstairs. I assumed it was Haymitch coming back to check on me. I would have rolled my eyes if even that simple movement didn't cause me pain after the emotionally draining day and night I'd had because of seeing Katniss and Gale hugging at the bottom of the steps the morning before. I'd like to think that I'd come a little farther in my recuperation than to be set off just by seeing Katniss hug her oldest friend, but I'm sure most of my reaction could be attributed to the fact that it was on the heels of our first night having sex.

Yeah, talk about lousy timing.

"Go away, Haymitch! I haven't hung myself or…swallowed a gallon of paint or anything yet!" I bellowed from my position curled up in the corner of the bedroom with the throw Katniss had slept wrapped in two nights ago around my shoulders. I was in a pair of boxer shorts, but that was as far as I'd gotten towards getting dressed in the last day and a half. I didn't even have my prosthetic leg on anymore.

The door opened suddenly and my eyes almost bugged out of my head when Gale slipped into the room. "I think the fact that you came up with those two ways to off yourself so quickly warrants at least a 'how ya feeling?'." He said with a careful smirk, making sure not to make any sort of movement towards me.

"Wow. It must be pretty bad if you're the best plan those two could come up with." I said with just enough of an edge in my voice to let Gale know he was smart not to approach me.

Of course he ignored the threat, instead choosing to look around at the damage I'd done to the bedroom. Paintings of mine hung sideways on the walls, the bedside lamp lay broken on the floor, the shade that had been over top of it was somehow above the bed, skewered and spinning on the end of the ceiling fan there. Oh, and I'd torn our bed linens to pieces. I'd have to try to remember to have some new ones ordered when I stopped not giving a damn.

"Damn…" Gale said with a whistle as he started slowly moving around the room in the opposite direction from the corner I was still sitting on the floor in. "I sure hope you did all this yourself and it wasn't you and Katniss…" he trailed off and cut a glance my way.

I knew he was trying to break the ice, letting me know he was aware of the developments in mine and Katniss' love life (like that we had a real one now and not the ruse we'd been playing since the first games) but that didn't stop 'hijacked Peeta' from twisting the knife a little.

"Jealous?" I asked with what I'm sure was a mean and dangerous smile considering the way Gale reacted. I barely gave him a second to respond before the next awful thing I _didn't_ want to say came out of my mouth without permission.

"Because you should know; she's a _fantastic _lay." I really didn't want to say that. The real Peeta cringed somewhere deep inside of me and scolded 'hijacked Peeta' for such bad form.

Despite keeping his face completely neutral, I saw Gale's hands ball into fists where they hung against his legs and he took a long moment to respond. Just long enough for me to get one last dig in.

"Yeah…go ahead and do it." I said resting my head back against the wall and pulling the blanket around me a little better with a shrug. "Beat up her crippled boyfriend, you already killed her little sister. That would just be the icing on the proverbial cake." I even yawned at the end of the sentence while 'real Peeta' begged me to stop hurting Katniss' oldest friend.

"Listen, Mellark." Gale said taking just one step closer to me. His voice was icy cold and his calm exterior showed just a hint of fracturing. "I don't know what the 'voices in your head' told you that you saw yesterday morning…" He said moving slowly to sit on the edge of the bed closest to me. "But it was _not real_." He emphasized the 'not real' in the same way he and the other soldiers in the Star Squad had on those nights I asked question after question around the fire at our campsite.

This was just enough to make me lift my head and glare at him. "You don't know what I saw." I spat out and cursed the angry tears that welled in my eyes. "You don't kn…nobody knows, nobody could _ever _know." I dropped my head forward so that my chin was to my chest trying to hide the tears. Unfortunately, gravity took over and as soon as my eyes fell to my lap, so did my tears. I sniffed them back and wiped my eyes quickly before turning them to stare at a point on the wall.

"You're right." He said quietly, the gentle tone he'd been using before my outburst returning slowly to his voice. "I don't know." He admitted. "My torture…" he said and shifted his shoulders unconsciously, probably thinking of the pain he'd felt each time that whip had come down on his back. "While pretty damn painful, only lasted a few minutes. You were tortured for weeks and in more ways than just physical." He hadn't moved any closer than the end of the bed and both Peeta's fighting for control in my head appreciated that.

"You don't know what I saw, man." I said again but without the venom of the last time. "I know…I know you did kiss her, in the woods one day in 12 before the Victory Tour." It wasn't so hard for me to believe that he would do something like that in a last ditch effort to show Katniss how he felt after a few years of budding, unrequited love. Hell, I would have done exactly the same thing if I was in his position so how could I blame him?

Gale just nodded, not even trying to pretend like it didn't happen. "Yeah, I did." He said with a sigh and looked out the bedroom window, surely remembering that day outside of the fence.

"I just…had to. The Victory Tour was coming up, I knew even before I think you two did that the Capitol would expect you to keep up the charade. I just...felt like I was going to miss my chance to ever show her how I felt if I didn't do it right that second." He smiled sadly. "She looked pretty damn surprised." He said with a chuckle.

I smiled and swiped the corner of the throw under my nose with a sniff and tried to get my emotions under control. It was one thing to be this way in front of Katniss, or have Haymitch take care of me, but Gale and I had a strange connection to each other rooted in our mutual affection for Katniss. It was both a common bond and a point of contention between us.

I couldn't blame the guy though. I hadn't exactly been forthcoming with my feelings for her in all of the years leading up to the first Games we were in together.

"Yeah…I bet." I said with a short laugh and shook my head. "Probably just as surprised as when I told all of Panem I was in love with her on live television. Though I doubt she tried to break your neck after you kissed her."

Gale laughed at that too and shook his head. "Nah, she didn't do anything…" He gave a mirthless laugh at that and cast his eyes to the floor. "I guess that should have given me some idea of where she stood."

I sat up a little better and stretched my good leg out in front of me, reaching down to try and rub some feeling back into it.

"I don't think so." I argued and looked up at him where he still sat on the corner of the bed. "I think it's just that she has a very difficult time sharing how she feels. She's been so concerned with taking care of her family since her father died that she hasn't had time to think like a normal teenage girl."

Gale's brow furrowed and he shrugged his shoulders. "My father died the same time as hers. I've been pre-occupied with taking care of my family too and I still had time to think about…her." He said and I smiled my first real smile in almost 2 days.

"Yeah, well we're guys…" I said as if that explained everything. "We can think about girls even if we're performing brain surgery."

Gale laughed heartily and nodded. "Well I guess you've got me there." He said and looked me over critically in much the way I imagine he'd check over a wounded animal in the forest to assess how hurt it was. "So…you…need anything? Food? Water?..." another smile played at his lips and his eyes fell to the stump where my leg ended just above the knee. "…a leg?"

We both burst out laughing at this and I used the wall and bedside table to slowly pull myself to my feet and Gale stepped forward to grab my arm at the elbow and keep me steady.

"Thanks." I whispered and hopped back over to sit down on my side of the bed, reaching behind me and lifting a piece of the shredded top sheet. "I'm uh…I'm sorry about what I said when you first came in here." I mumbled and looked up to meet his eyes. "This…this thing…I can't control what I do or say when I'm in its grip and…" Gale held up a hand to silence me.

"No worries…" he said passing me my prosthetic which a quickly attached and then stood from the bed again. "Well, how about we start with cleaning this place up? I can't imagine Katniss is gonna be real happy when she comes home and it looks like a pack of wild dogs ran through here." He laughed and I shook my head with a sad smile.

"Nah, just one wild dog." I said trying to joke and Gale shrugged.

"Something tells me she'll probably forgive you." He said handing me a shirt as I tossed the throw back onto the pile of ruined blankets. I could feel his eyes sweep over my scarred skin as I pulled on the shirt. I wasn't used to seeing anyone's reaction to the melted looking skin that covered a good portion of my torso and parts of my arms and legs. Katniss was the only one who saw them regularly and she had similar scarring on a lot of her body as well.

I nodded but said nothing as I grabbed a pair of pants off the floor and pulled them on as well.

"I've got some stew Haymitch left for me down in the refrigerator. I think we'll have some of that first and then worry about cleaning this up." I said heading for the door. I knew letting Gale stay and help me was for the best. I'd never admit it to Katniss or Haymitch lest they start thinking all of their crazy ideas make sense, but I had to admit, talking to someone who loved Katniss as much as I did helped me to remember what I felt for her before the hijacking. Seeing those feelings I knew were somewhere inside me reflecting back in his eyes reminded me why I fell in love with Katniss in the first place. It reminded me of that pretty girl with the braids who had no idea the effect she could have on a boy from the Seam, a boy from Town, or on a nation who would fight in her name for the freedom they so desperately longed for.

"That sounds like a great idea. I don't think I'll ever get tired of having food so readily available like it is now." Gale admitted and followed me down to the kitchen. "Oh, hey, wait. I have something for you." He said and I stopped at the bottom of the stairs and turned to face him. I frowned watching him dig around in his pants pocket, wondering what he possibly could have to give me.

"You're not gonna…pull your hand out and punch me in the face are you?" I asked backing away a little, raising my hands good-naturedly in surrender. "Cause I had two older brothers and they used to do that to me all the time…I'm onto that trick."

Gale shook his head and laughed. "I used to do that to my little brothers too. They _hated _it." He said opening his hand to reveal Katniss' pearl necklace I'd give her two nights ago right before we had…

Gale laughed softly and placed it in my hand. "Katniss blushed too, when she told me to give it to you." He said rolling his eyes slightly. "I'd ask what that's all about but after what you're less congenial alter ego said to me when I first came over here, I'll just ask you to keep that between you and her instead." He said clapping me on the shoulder which made me look up into his face. "She said to remember when you gave it to her the other night and to let it help you find your way back to her." He said and cleared his throat. I saw a quick flash of sadness pass over his face that I immediately recognized. Getting over Katniss Everdeen was a process I was pretty familiar with.

"Thanks." I said clearing my own throat and waited until he was walking away towards the kitchen to latch the chain around my neck, stopping to toy with the pearl. I peeked towards the kitchen before bringing it to my lips and rolling it back and forth a few times before I whispered 'Always' softly to myself and then followed Gale into the kitchen.

We ended up talking for so long over our afternoon meal that it was after dark when we finally remembered that we were going to clean up the upstairs.

We talked about our old lives in 12, about school and friends, most of whom were now gone. We shared stories about our families, gaining some insight from each other on what it was to be the oldest and the youngest in a family of boys, or in Gale's case, mostly boys. We talked about painting, and hunting, and wrestling, and baking, but the topic that snuck up on us between every other story, was Katniss.

We each shared the first time we'd seen her, when we first met her, when we first knew we'd loved her. I heard the story of their first meeting in the woods when Gale had thought she said her name was Catnip and how it had just stuck as a nickname from then on.

I told him about the night he was whipped and how I'd seen how much she cared for him then. I told him about our first meeting with Haymitch when I'd had to clean him up because he was covered in his own vomit, and about the sleeping together on the train because we helped each other with the nightmares plaguing us since the Games. He laughed when I told him about how scandalized Effie was by the whole thing, mistaking traumatized kids for hormonally crazed teens.

"Wow, we better get to work…it's almost 9 o'clock." Gale said with a groan and stretched his arms over his head. He didn't mention anything about going to see Katniss or Haymitch and I appreciated that. We headed back up the stairs together and he thanked me for the meal and the conversation.

"No problem, and thanks for helping me clean up here. I really do appreciate it…especially since it…might not just be the bedroom that I destroyed…" I murmured as we strode down the hallway.

Gale threw a look over his shoulder at me and stopped to look up and down the hall. "Meaning?" he asked stretching out his arms and back in anticipation of the task to come.

"Well…I might have also destroyed part of my art room here…though it's not as big as the one in my old house if that makes any difference…" I chuckled and headed into the bedroom and over to the bed to start pulling the sheets off.

I looked up as Gale moved over to the other side of the bed to help me and noticed he had stopped dead and was staring down at the bed where I'd just removed the blankets to reveal the spots of blood from the other night. Jeez.

"Awkward." I said finally after almost a full minute of silence from both of us. Gale's eyes shifted up to mine and we both reached up to scratch the backs of our necks embarrassedly.

"Uh…I'm gonna go start on the art room." Gale said pointing a thumb over his shoulder.

"Cool. See ya later." I said quickly after, just wanting this moment to pass as quickly as possible.

I watched him go and as soon as I heard the door to the art room open and close, I quickly grabbed the fitted sheet and yanked it off the bed, throwing it in the pile of ruined bed clothes on the floor.

I stared at the pile for a moment before my eyes moved slowly around the rest of the room, surveying the damage I'd done. "Well evil Peeta." I said to myself and folded my arms over my chest. "At least I can rest easy knowing you're in here too and have to help me with the work." I growled and stretched my own arms and back before setting to work.

Gale and I found each other around 3 a.m., back in the kitchen grabbing a drink of water and a quick bite. "I'm about finished in there." I said and Gale nodded while swallowing a mouthful of cheese bun.

"Same here, I was just going to head back to your old house, I…I hope it's okay with you that I stayed there last night…" he asked and I excused him with a wave of my hand.

"Yeah, no worries I only go over there to bake for the town now anyway and I can't really do that until I'm feeling myself again." I shrugged and propped my prosthetic up on the extra kitchen chair. "You could stay here if you wanted, take the couch or one of the extra rooms. I feel a little better when someone else is in the house with me anyway." I admitted around a mouthful of bread.

Gale thought on this for a minute while he chewed on the last of his cheese bun. "Got any more of these for the morning?" he asked with raised eyebrows and I smiled and nodded.

"Katniss eats them with almost every meal so I keep a pretty steady stream of them baking throughout the week." I explained and he nodded. It was settled. In a very manly, grunt and scratch kind of way, but settled nonetheless.

We headed out into the living room, Gale plopping down on the couch and me into the recliner with the thought that we'd watch a little T.V. until we were tired.

Haymitch found us in the same place when he stopped by to check on us in the morning.

"Hey, Hawthorne." He said starling us both awake as he kicked one of Gale's feet off of the coffee table where it was propped. "You were supposed to call us yesterday so we knew the kid didn't off ya." He growled and looked between the two of us, not quite sure what to make of the situation.

Gale sat up with a yawn and stretched his arms behind his head. "He didn't off me." He said with a smirk and I grinned at Haymitch just because he was scowling and I wanted to get a rise out of him.

"Miss me?" I asked and punched him gently in the shoulder as I walked past him on my way to the downstairs bathroom. Haymitch just rolled his eyes and headed for the kitchen, probably to start a pot of coffee for the three of us.

"Well you look better." He called after me and I left the door open a smidge so I could hear him while I relieved my aching bladder.

"Thanks, you look chipper as always, Haymitch!" I called back and heard him grumble something and then Gale reply but couldn't make out the words. I washed my hands and headed for the kitchen, dropping into my usual chair as Haymitch placed a mug of tea in front of me and a mug of coffee in front of Gale who was sitting in Katniss' seat.

"Feel up to a visit from the girl?" he asked and I shook my head vehemently, surprising both Haymitch and Gale. I just didn't feel like enough time had passed considering the how bad I was only days before. The idea that I could possibly hurt Katniss was even more abhorrent to me now that we were physically involved than before. I reached up and touched the pearl resting against my throat and looked down into my mug of tea.

"I just don't feel like it's safe yet. I mean…not that I didn't work some stuff out with Gale last night…and I feel better today…but I just think I need another day or so to make sure I'm really, totally back." I said still looking into the tea. I knew Haymitch and Gale were exchanging a look that meant they'd talk later.

"Are you sure that's what you want?" Haymitch asked and I released an exasperated sigh and glared at him.

"Of course it's not what I _want_!" I yelled and then took a deep breath to calm myself down. "What I _want_ is to be able to see her and…and hold her and tell her everything is alright, but I'm just a _little_ bit worried that I might try to strangle her if I see her right now, so you can understand my hesitance."

Haymitch and Gale shared another look and then Haymitch reached for the flask he'd set on the table, and raised it in my direction. "Point taken." He said pouring some liquor into his coffee with one hand. "Cheese bun?" he asked holding the tray out to me with the other.

I reached out and grabbed one from the pile and then leaned back in my chair and took a bite as I stared out the kitchen window at Haymitch's front door, wondering if there would ever be a time in my life when hurting Katniss wouldn't be something I feared.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: Okay, so I needed a little bit of a fluffy interlude of sorts after all the angst. I'm a generally pretty happy person and there's only so much angst I can write before I need to fluff it up a little bit so Chapter 9 was born of that need. We'll be back to your regularly scheduled angst soon enough. Enjoy!

Chapter 9

(Katniss' POV)

Peeta's never told me all that was said on the night Gale stayed at our house with him while he was having a bad hijacking episode, and I've never really asked. Whatever it was though, it seemed to help Peeta a great deal because when Haymitch returned from checking on them the next day, he reported that Peeta seemed much better.

"Good enough for me to come back?" I asked hopefully from Haymitch's couch I had spent the night curled up on. I knew the answer as soon as he looked at me. "Why the hell not?" I snapped and strode over to the window. "If he's better than I should be able to go see him! And where the hell is Gale?"

"Slow down, Sweetheart…" Haymitch said with a wince and touched his forehead. "I can only answer one of those questions at a time and I think I heard about ten coming at me just now." He muttered and dropped onto the couch, laying down in the spot I'd just vacated.

"In short…" he said folding his arms behind his head. "He's worried seeing you too soon might set him off again worse so he'd rather just spend another night over there and reassess tomorrow." He had just closed his eyes when I stormed for the front door and he sat up with a jolt.

"Hey hey! What do you think you're doing? You know he's just gonna holler at you to get out of there if you try it Katniss…think here." He warned and I turned on my heel.

"I can't spend another night away from him, Haymitch! Doesn't he _realize_ that? Doesn't he know that he helps me at night too?" I said, my voice catching and hot tears stinging my eyes.

Haymitch frowned and pointed a scolding finger at me. "Now that's very selfish of you to say, Sweetheart. Frankly I'm surprised." He said sitting up and making room for me to sit down, which I did since I was already feeling like a misbehaving child in a schoolroom.

"Now you know that boy loves you more than anything in the world. You think he's in bad shape when he has these little 'episodes'?" he asked and placed a hand over the one of my own that was resting on the couch beside my leg which made me look over at him finally. "If he did something to _really _hurt you, I mean serious physical damage…I can tell you right now, he'd never recover. Never." He leaned on the second 'never' for emphasis and it worked.

I growled loud and frustrated before the tears finally began to run fast and hot down my cheeks.

"Don't worry about him, he'll be alright." Haymitch said tugging me over into his side and I leaned my head on his shoulder. "It's the two of us that need caretaking." He joked and I sniffled and laughed at the same time. "Hey! Watch it! Don't go getting snot all over me…"

"Sorry." I said with a soft laugh but stayed in my position leaning against his arm until Gale came back a little after noon.

He took in the sight of Haymitch and I sitting on the couch and I could tell just by his face that we must have looked pretty pathetic. "He says he'd like to catch up on some baking today and maybe some painting later tonight to try and keep busy. I told him I'd head into town and drop off the plans for his bakery to Thom. I could use some catching up with old friends." He smiled softly and I knew that meant he'd likely be at the new tavern in town for the rest of the day.

"Unless you need me for anything here that is…" he said quickly and I shook my head.

"Nah, go ahead," I said and made a shooing motion with my hand. "Haymitch and I prefer to wallow in self pity on our own anyway." I teased and Gale huffed a laugh and nodded his head slowly.

"He really is doing better Katniss." He promised with a soft smile. "I'm sure you'll be back in your own house tomorrow."

I sat up a little better and swept an arm around Haymitch's living room, taking in the sight of all the clothing bottles, glasses, newspapers and other odds and ends strewn about the area. "What and leave all this?" I teased. Gale laughed and Haymitch threw me one of his infamous scowls.

"Hey!" he said and threw a pillow at me as I hurried for the kitchen to avoid his comeback. "No one asked you to stay here!" he bellowed after me and I heard him talking to himself as he lay down on the couch to pass out for the rest of the day.

I was pouring myself a glass of water when I heard the door open and close again signaling that Gale had left. I couldn't blame him much for not wanting to be around me right now, while I was moping around waiting to be able to see Peeta. I made it a point to do something with him before he went back to District 2. Something he would like and that the bad thoughts in Peeta's head wouldn't be able to find fault with. I would take him to the woods to hunt.

I was pleasantly surprised later that day around our usual dinner time, when Haymitch's phone rang and he popped his head into the bedroom where I was working on the memory book with a smile.

"Peeta?" I asked excitedly and rushed to grab the phone beside the bed.

"I'll put your plate in the oven, come have it whenever you're done." He whispered and I nodded even as I was lifting the receiver to my ear and he was closing the bedroom door.

"Peeta!?" I gasped into the phone and was met with his soft chuckle on the other end.

"Hey beautiful, don't miss dinner on my account." He teased and I sat down heavily on the bed with a goofy smile on my face. That one that old Katniss would have been disgusted by.

"I'd miss breakfast and lunch too just to know that you're okay now." I said with a shaky sigh and shook my head even though he couldn't see it. "I'm so, so sor…" He cut me off before I could apologize for hugging Gale and setting off his episode.

"You know, I plan on hanging around you for quite some time in the years to come, so if you apologize for every time I have an episode, I'm gonna get pretty tired of hearing it…" he said evenly and I could hear the trace of a smile in his voice.

"I know, I know Peeta but I just…I hate that nine times out of ten it's something I do that sets them off." I said flopping onto my back on the bed and staring up at the ceiling.

"It's not your fault, Katniss." He said both simply and with no room for argument.

I let silence hang in the air between us for a long few moments before I decided to change the subject like I knew Peeta wanted me to. I figured stroking his ego might go a long way to making us both feel better after the last few hard days.

"I've missed you at night." I whispered and his answering silence made me smile. "And if you're wondering, I don't just mean for keeping the nightmares away." I finished and I heard him breathe in through his nose and out through his mouth slowly.

"Really?" he squeaked out and I grinned; mission accomplished. "Well…I…well that's….well…" he stammered and my grin widened.

"Why Peeta Mellark…" I began playfully and rolled over onto my stomach propping myself up on my elbows. "Did I just render you speechless?" I asked and he laughed nervously on the other end.

"Well don't…sound so proud of yourself, jeez Katniss." He murmured and I giggled softly.

"So how did baking and painting go today?" I asked trying to hedge towards possibly getting invited back over to the house early than tomorrow.

"Good, I caught up on what I missed the last few days and Gale said he'd take them to town for me in the morning but I might be okay to do it myself. We'll see." He said and I could tell it was his way of asking me to please just let him have until the morning to make sure his thoughts were sorted out.

"Good, that's really good. I've just been working on the memory book some. You'll have a few pictures to do once I'm back home. It'll be a nice break from working on everything for the bakery now that the plans are done and all of the equipment has been ordered. We'll just keep to ourselves for a few days." I smiled and then remembered I had wanted to ask Peeta how he would feel about me hunting with Gale before he leaves.

"Oh, and I did want to see how you'd feel, and you can definitely say no, about me taking Gale hunting before he leaves on Saturday." I asked in a rush and heard laugh softly on the other end.

"Wow, that one took some working up to huh?" he asked and there was a long, nerve-wracking silence during which I knew Peeta was mulling over how he felt about that. "Sure, I don't see why not. I know enough now about all those days you spent hunting together before the Games that I don't think it will cause any issues for me." He said slowly and I nodded.

"Thanks Peeta, I really appreciate you trying to get along with him. Besides, he'll be back in District 2 soon and then it's just you and me….and Haymitch." I teased and Peeta chuckled again.

"Oh yes, can't forget Haymitch now can we? What fun would life be if we couldn't regularly torment him with our affection for one another?" he laughed and so did I.

"I love hearing you laugh again." I said quietly and lifted my head to look out the window to the house across the street. I wasn't surprised to see a face in the upstairs window opposite the one I was in looking back at me.

I watched as Peeta gently placed his palm against the glass of the window and saw his smile even from that distance. "Then I suppose another tickle fight is in order once you're home?" he asked with a whisper that I'm sure was meant to sound menacing but just sounded sexy to my ears.

I placed my palm on the window where he could see it and smiled back. "You're on." I whispered and Peeta chuckled again but I noticed he kept his hand on the window. "Well, I guess I better go eat." I said even though I really wanted to curl up on the bed and talk to Peeta until morning.

"Yeah, me too…I've gotta clean up the paint in here and wash up first." He said and I frowned, confused.

"You're painting in the bedroom?" I asked and he cleared his throat nervously.

"Well, I messed up the painting room here a little bit during my episode and so I just brought the easel and some things in here to work tonight." He said quickly and I looked over to see his hand was gone from the window and that he had moved back to sit on the end of the bed.

"What painting are you working on?" I asked, curious now that he seemed a little bit nervous to talk about it.

"Uhh…just a…just something new, not any of the ones I've been messing around with lately." He answered evasively and I sat down on the bed with a mischievous smile.

"Peeta! Why won't you tell me what you're painting?!" I laughed and his answering growl was both frustrated and embarrassed.

"Because I'm…painting you and it's embarrassing to tell you that!" he mumbled with a shy laugh and I rolled my eyes.

"You paint me all the time, why would you think it's embarrassing? I think it's sweet." I argued.

"Because in this one you're naked!" he said in a rush and it was my turn to be the one left speechless.

I shifted uncomfortably on the bed and looked out the window again to see him leaning forward with one hand covering his face as the other still held the phone receiver to his ear. Naked? Oh boy. I decided I'd have to think on that one for a little. Not that anyone ever really went into Peeta's painting room or he ever displayed any of the paintings he did of me, they were more for therapeutic purposes anyway. But Gale had been in the painting room in Peeta's old house. It wasn't like he kept a lock on the door.

"How naked?" I asked cringing as I felt a little bit of a panic attack coming on and tried my best to keep it at bay. I watched Peeta rub his forehead and heard him groan quietly.

"Oh…pretty naked…" he mumbled and I said nothing back. "Katniss? Are you still there?" he asked quietly and I opened and closed my mouth a few times.

"Yeah, I'm here." I said in a voice a few octaves higher than my usual voice even though I was trying really hard to play it cool. "I'm uh…I'm gonna go eat…could you go ahead and lock up that painting somewhere that Haymitch or Gale isn't going to stumble upon it so that I can try and sleep soundly tonight?" I asked in something closer to my normal voice.

"Oh yeah sure, no problem at all." Peeta promised and I finally let out a breath I'd been holding since I heard the word 'naked' leave his mouth.

"Alright…well…good." I said with a satisfied nod. "So can I see it later?" I asked and heard another mortified groan from Peeta. "Alright, alright. I'm going to eat. Call me back later if you're lonely?" I asked and he sighed.

"I think I'll be alright. I'd really like to try staying by myself tonight. I might soak in the tub for a little before bed with some of those sleep salts to try and relax."

I wished he hadn't told me that because then my mind drifted to thinking of Peeta in the tub. Sex had done some very confusing things to the way my brain worked over those days since we'd first been together. It also made think of some alternative ways _I _could help him relax that didn't involve salts but could have definitely involved the tub.

"Okay…well, I'll see you tomorrow?" I asked hopefully and looked back to the window, smiling when I saw his face there again looking over at me.

"Count on it." He said and placed his hand on the window once more before we hung up.


	10. Chapter 10

a/n: Sorry for the delay but it's a long chapter so hopefully that makes up for it! Enjoy!

Chapter 10

_Well I came home  
Like a stone  
And I fell heavy into your arms  
These days of dust  
Which we've known  
Will blow away with this new sun_

Mumford and Sons- I Will Wait

I slept with the phone in my hand all night in case Peeta called and needed someone to talk to. When I woke in the morning, I was on my side, the phone clutched to my chest with both hands. As soon as my eyes opened, they landed on the bedside digital clock. It was already 9:13. I could _never_ have slept in like that unless…

I lifted my head quickly, swiveling it around the room to try and find him.

"Peeta!" I shrieked when my eyes landed on him. He was sitting in a chair by the end of the bed, his easel and paints laid out in front of him as he painted. I dropped the phone on the floor as I climbed down the bed as fast I could move, Peeta laughing all the while.

I jumped off of the end of the bed, right into his lap making him toss his paint pallet aside. "I missed you." I whispered wrapping my arms around his neck and holding him close. His arms came up slowly around my waist and I smiled when he tugged me closer into his body and rested his head on my shoulder.

"I missed you too, Katniss. So much… I love you so much." He whispered back and I held the back of his head as I pulled away a little to look into his eyes and smiled brightly. He laughed softly while I peppered happy kisses all over his face and hugged him so tightly he joked that I should be careful or his eyes might pop out of his head.

"How are you? Are you…are you okay now?" I asked looking into his eyes for any trace of that hijacked look. Thankfully, all I saw was my Peeta.

"I'm great…even better now that I'm here with you." He said reaching up to hold my face between his hands. "Come on, Sae came over to make breakfast for us all. Pancakes, bacon, sausage, eggs…" he rattled off and settled his hands on my hips as I leaned back a little, my arms still loosely around his neck. "Then I thought maybe we could go to the lake and practice swimming for a little…" he smiled. "I could use some airing out after being inside the house for almost 4 days."

I turned and looked at the painting he was working on over my shoulder. It was the lake on the day of one of his first swimming lessons. Peeta was flapping around helplessly in the water and I was holding him up under his back to keep him afloat. Peeta perfectly captured the look on my face in his painting. Equal parts encouragement and exasperation as I tried to teach him to float. I couldn't help but laugh at the painting and Peeta swatted my backside where it rested on his thigh.

"Hey! That was a nice day if I remember correctly! You learned to dog paddle perfectly." I teased and Peeta swatted me again and dug a thumb into the space behind one knee making me squeal.

"Hey, hey!" A raspy grunt came from the bedroom door and we both turned our heads to find Haymitch leaning against the door jam. "Do that stuff at your own house later, now get on downstairs and eat some breakfast." He said with a wink and pushed the door open all the way, signaling for us to follow him.

I climbed off of Peeta's lap carefully and pulled him to his feet. Neither Sae nor Haymitch could hide their smiles when we came bouncing down the back stairs into the kitchen, me riding along piggy back style on Peeta, my arms around his shoulders.

He dropped me into a chair and took one of my hands as he settled into the chair closest to me and we both dug into our food. Haymitch watched us with a small smile as we devoured our food, neither of us really having eaten much in the days prior.

"Where's Gale?" Peeta asked around a mouthful of eggs. Instead of Haymitch, Sae answered from her spot at the stove flipping the pancakes we would eat next.

"Come and gone," she said matter-of-factly. "I fed him early this morning and he was off to the woods." She explained pointing her spatula towards the tree line a little ways down the road from Victor's Village. I looked at Peeta and found him already looking at me asking a silent question with his eyes.

"He take a bow?" I asked around my own mouthful of food then washed it down with almost half a glass of milk. Sae shrugged and flipped the finished pancakes onto a large plate.

"Didn't see one on him." She answered in the simple, straightforward way she always had. I stared out the window at the tree line for another moment, wondering what Gale was up to out there, before I went back to my breakfast.

A little later, our stomach's stuffed with food, we thanked Sae for our breakfast, cleared our plates and headed out into the yard together walking hand in hand toward the forest.

"Feels good to be outside." Peeta said raising his chin into the air as the already hot sun beat down on his face. He stopped a moment to close his eyes and soak it in. I took the opportunity to look him over quickly, making sure he hadn't hurt himself while out of my sight for so many days.

He was wearing a light blue t-shirt, almost the color of his eyes and I could see most of the skin on his arms, neck and face, all of which looked normal. He had on cargo shorts that fell just above his knees and I could see that his good leg was unharmed as well as his ankle which was bare above the dark brown leather moccasins he had slipped on his feet as we went out the door.

"Come on, let's get in the shade before we roast to death." I said tugging him along. The change in temperature was immediate once we were under the cover of the trees but it was no less humid. In fact, it felt a bit like the air in the arena during the Quarter Quell. Already the hair that was free of my braid was sticking to my neck and I pinched the front of my dark green tank top and pulled it away from my torso a few times quickly, trying to let some air in against my body.

"Feels like it's gonna be a scorcher today." Peeta said releasing my hand which was swiftly becoming slick with sweat. I nodded in agreement and continued walking, unconsciously taking us in the direction of one of Gale and my old meeting spots. It wasn't long before we stumbled across him sitting on a fallen tree dressed similarly to Peeta.

"Hey Catnip." Gale said with a genuine smile as he stood from the tree and gave me a swift hug. "Peeta, you're looking a helluva lot better." He said reaching out to shake Peeta's hand.

"Thanks, I'm feeling much better. Thought a walk in the woods might be nice as long as we don't melt before we get back." Peeta quipped and Gale nodded, looking up towards the sun poking through the trees.

"Yeah, I was just heading back to the Village myself, I didn't think to bring a canteen with me." He said bashfully and scratched the back of his head. "I guess I've been too long away from forest life." He said with a smile but all I could hear was the sadness in his voice.

"Sure you don't wanna walk with us a while?" I asked gesturing between Peeta and myself.

Gale smiled wider and shook his head. "Nah, you guys go ahead. You haven't seen each other in a few days. I'm sure you have some…catching up to do." He said with a smirk and I rolled my eyes. Peeta took it in stride and reached for my hand again.

"Alright, well we'll see you back there. I made a pot pie for Haymitch for his lunch and dinner. Don't go letting him think he gets it all to himself." Peeta said as we started walking again.

"No, don't worry I won't. Thanks." Gale said starting to walk in the other direction with a little wave. "Have a nice walk." He called over his shoulder and Peeta and walked in the other direction after one last look over our shoulders at Gale.

When I was certain he was out of earshot, I looked over at Peeta who was already huffing and puffing from the exertion of walking in the heat. "So how come that didn't seem as….awkward as some of our previous encounters?" I asked with a grin and Peeta shrugged.

"I think we've come to a sort of…understanding, Gale and I." He said rather evasively and I cut my eyes at him between watching my step as we walked.

"Care to elaborate on that?" I asked and Peeta just smiled and shook his head, the only sound to hear was that of the forest animals voicing their own opinion of the heat. The cicadas rattled louder and louder and birds sang as they hopped from branch to branch, searching for a cool spot to rest.

It wasn't long before we came upon the little concrete house on the lake where my father had taken me when I was a small child. Whenever I went to that spot after he'd died, I always took a moment when I would first arrive to look around. I stared out over the shimmering water to the trees on the other side that seemed to go on and on forever. The bright, hot sun was beating down on the water and warming the smoothened stones that littered the banks of the lake.

I was so occupied taking in the view that it startled me when Peeta's arms came up around my waist and he kissed my neck softly on the side opposite the one my braid was resting.

"Hey…what are you thinking about?" he whispered and kissed my ear and then my cheek right next to my lips. I smiled and placed my arms over top of his with a smile.

"The doggy paddle." I teased and Peeta tightened his arms around me and started nibbling on my neck to make me laugh. I tried to wiggle out of his grip by reaching for his shoulders to grab onto the sleeves of his shirt only to find that he wasn't wearing it anymore. He let me flip around in his arms so that I was facing him and I got a good look at him for the first time since we arrived at the lake. Not only had he removed his shirt, he'd removed the rest of his clothes along with it.

"Peeta!" I gasped and my eyes swept the surrounding trees for any passers by. "Are you crazy!?" I laughed and wrapped my arms around his torso just under his elbows and pulled him close.

Peeta grinned and leaned in to kiss me deeply, his arms slipping down so that his hands rested on my hips where my shirt met my shorts. He slid his hands slowly up the shirt to rest on my bare back.

"No…" he breathed against my lips between kisses. "I'm freaking roasting hot!" he yelled with a laugh and then scooped me up into his arms with one arm behind my back and the other hooked behind my knees. I screeched when he picked me up and started for the water.

"Peeta Mellark! Don't you DARE!" I cried and struggled to get down out of his arms. He released my legs, letting them fall so that I was standing on the ground again.

"Fine! Then come in yourself!" Peeta said reaching down to unlatch his prosthetic and set it aside on the bank of the lake. He hopped to the edge of the water and then took a few short hops forward and dove into the shallows, surfacing a few seconds later and whipping his hair out of his eyes.

"Come on!" He shouted back to me and I bit my lip, looking around once more to make sure no one was around. How could I possibly resist his infectious joy? Especially after the Hell we'd both been through in the days before.

I kicked off my shoes and shimmied out of my shorts, letting them fall to the ground. I started walking towards the water as Peeta swam around, alternating between floating on his back and practicing some of the basic strokes I taught him. I threw my shirt on top of the shorts and shoes followed by my panties and bra.

I hurried into the chilly water, diving in when I was far enough out and surfacing right behind Peeta.

"Ohhh..this feels so nice.." I moaned feeling gooseflesh spreading all over my body from the cold water. "It's freezing but it feels so good." I said treading water next to Peeta.

"Come here, I'll keep you warm." He grinned and pulled me over into his arms. I wrapped both of my legs around his one and hugged him tightly. Between the cool water lapping over me and the feel of Peeta's skin against mine, I couldn't think of a more perfect way to be spending my day.

"I love you." I whispered with my forehead pressed to his and Peeta cupped his hands on my backside. He tilted his chin and kissed me softly once on the lips and I deepened it, pushing my tongue past his lips and rubbing it softly over his teeth and tongue. Peeta met my passion with his own, his hands moving of their own accord to slide up and down my sides, to my chest where he massaged my breasts. Finally, they moved to my backside again where he kneaded the flesh there in a way similar to how I'd watched him knead dough while he baked.

I was just reaching down between us to touch him when he caught my hand and brought it up to rest against his chest. I pulled back a little and looked into his face confused.

"You okay?" I asked taking the break from kissing to catch my own breath and put my feet down on the sandy mud below.

Peeta worked to catch his own breath and nodded vigorously. "Yeah, yeah, I'm okay just…no nightstand drawer in the lake." He said with a soft huff of a laugh. I cringed and looked around us at the forest, trying to think of a quick way to fix this problem of ours.

_No condom trees in the forest, Katniss._

"Oh..well…you could just…maybe we could…" I looked back into Peeta's face and he reached up to push my hair back from my face.

I sometimes forgot how perceptive Peeta could be, especially where I was concerned.

"Let's just swim a little and enjoy the water okay?" He said softly and pushed back from me with a hiss of pain. "I'll be over there in the colder water for a few minutes if you need me." He teased and splashed water at me gently. I rolled my eyes and pushed off the bottom with my toes, floating onto my back a little and doing the backstroke as I moved in a big circle.

Peeta did actually move further out into the water, trying his hardest to do the front stroke the way I taught him and doing it…mostly right. I laughed and rolled to my stomach, swimming over to where he was after watching his technique for a few minutes.

I sidled up to him and swam, letting him watch me and match his movements to mine. Peeta stopped swimming and tread water, watching me swim back and forth for a few turns and then pulled along side me and tried to match his movements to mine as best he could.

"Good…Good job!" I smiled proudly when he seemed to really be getting the hang of it. Peeta's answering smile was a mile wide and the praise seemed to motivate him to keep going. I stopped swimming once Peeta seemed to have a good rhythm going and tread water a little ways off from where he was swimming back and forth.

Just watching him I could see the stress of the last several days melting away with each pass he made through the water. Back and forth, back and forth. His shoulders began to relax, his strokes through the water lengthened and he seemed generally more at ease.

I smiled as I watched him for another minute or so and then let my eyes drift around at the beautiful scenery surrounding us. The trees, the light but humid breeze making the leaves of the oaks and maples sway and cast shadows that danced over the water.

While looking around, I also noticed that we'd strayed quite a distance from the little concrete house.

"Hey!" I called out and Peeta immediately stopped swimming and turned in my direction. "We're kinda far out!" I called over to him, pointing toward the little house. We were almost to the opposite bank of the lake.

"Is that…bad?" Peeta asked clearly not having the foggiest idea of my concerns since he was new to swimming. I shrugged.

"Probably shouldn't get too far away, you're still a beginner..." I said paddling over to him slowly. "Let's head back into the shallows." I suggested and Peeta nodded, paddling up beside me and following me back towards the shore.

I remembered my father telling me to keep the little house in sight when I was a young child and he'd first taught me to swim. Being a stubborn 6 year-old, I pushed the limits, moving myself a little farther out into the deeper water when his back was turned. I'd paddle around, keeping myself up by crawling my hands along through the mud while kicking my feet behind me in the way he'd been showing me in order to move through the water. I'd tilt back my head to keep my mouth and nose above the water line and so that I could hear everything in the forest around me. He'd taught me to always keep my wits about me, even when playing.

I smiled when we reached the point that we could probably touch and went further still until we were in water so shallow that we had to crouch down with our knees almost to our chests to cover ourselves. They were the same shallows I had crawled around in as a child, scooping my hands through the mud to find crayfish and trying my best to mind their painful little pincers.

Peeta crouched down with me and then rolled onto his back, his one leg floating a little above the water and I could see that he was leaning back on his elbows even though everything from his ears down was submerged like he was in a bathtub. I slid over and moved to sit behind him, reaching out and hooking my forearms under his armpits. I tugged him back so that he was lying with his back to my chest, my legs resting around his hips and upper legs.

"Mmm…this is nice." Peeta said as I started massaging his chest and then his neck, working my hands up to his temples and massaged them with my thumbs as I rested my chin on the top of his wet head.

"Shh…" I whispered and continued to rub his temples as I felt his body becoming more and more boneless and he sank back into my arms. Four days away from this boy left me with a lot of time to feel guilty about the state he was in. Peeta would be pissed if he knew this was part of the reason I was caring for him in this way, so instead I shushed him with the excuse that he was disturbing my focus and he snapped his eyes shut obediently.

It only took a few minutes for Peeta to be so relaxed that his arms were floating on the top of the water and his face was so serene with eyes closed, that I thought he might actually be sleeping. I stopped rubbing and laughed when one of his blue eyes peeked open and he turned his head a little to look up at me.

"Hey, what's the big idea?" he murmured and I laughed, wrapping my arms around his neck loosely. As I did so, my arm rubbed against the pearl necklace I'd leant him. I reached out to toy with it and Peeta sat up and removed it from his neck and turned around straddling my thighs as he hooked it back in place around my own neck. I leaned forward to kiss him on the nose and whispered an 'I love you'.

"Love you too." Peeta whispered back and leaned forward as I was pulling away and captured my lips again. He reached up to hold my cheek, deepening the kiss and sliding his other hand up my naked back. He traced the bumps of my spine from where the water line began just above my waist up to the space between my shoulder blades where he laid his palm flat and used it to pull me closer still.

I noted, with a touch of amazement, that I was still able to keep my ears open to the sounds of the forest around us; just like my father had taught me to do in the same water years before.

Peeta used the gentle lapping of the little waves coming in onto the shore just behind us to pull us closer in to the bank. Before I knew it, I was underneath him, my back pressing into the soft mud beneath the water and his hands were all over my body as we kissed and kissed.

I gripped his sides, wrapping my legs around his waist and trying to pull his hips in line with mine.

"No…Katniss, no…" Peeta groaned against my lips. "Let's go home…I want you in our bed, not here." He whispered and then kissed my nose to temper his words and I watched a smile tug at his lips. "Well, sometime I'll want you here I'm sure, but right now I just want to take you home and spend the rest of the day making love with you."

I smiled widely and pulled him down for one more kiss. "Wow," I chuckled against his lips. "Sometimes I forget how much I love your straightforwardness and then you go and say something like…that and I fall in love with that part of you all over again." I whispered and sat up, dipped my hair back into the water once more to smooth it out and stood up so that the water hit me just at my knees. I held a hand out to Peeta who was sitting with his good leg bent so that his knee was poking out of the water as he leaned back on his hands once again.

"You go ahead and get dried off, I'll be there in a minute." He said still trying to calm his breathing. I nodded and gave one last little slap of the water, splashing him in the face playfully before I waded back onto the shore and stretched out on a big flat rock to let the hot sun dry my skin.

I didn't think I'd been there long but I must have started to doze, because the next thing I knew Peeta was stroking my cheek to wake me and I held an arm above my head to block the sun.

"As much as I'm enjoying the view…if your new skin is as sensitive as mine, you shouldn't be laying out like that too much longer." He said holding onto the rock to steady himself and then sitting down beside me. "Ouch! Hot..hot!" he screeched adjusting his position so that only his backside and heel were touching the surface of the rock and brushed his damp hair out of his eyes with one hand. "How have you been laying here for more than a minute?! It's like laying on a coal right out of the fire!" He laughed and I smiled and stretched my arms above my head and pointed my toes like I'd sometimes seen Prim's cat Buttercup do when lying in a sunny spot by a window.

"It feels good after being in the cold water." I replied simply and sat up beside him, resting my chin on my tented knees. "Everything under control now?" I asked trying to peek into his lap and Peeta gave me a good natured shove before I hopped up from the rock and walked around to the side he was on.

"Yes, I'm fine for now, but if you don't take me home soon, I might take you up on that offer you were making over in the shallows a few minutes ago." He teased and held a hand up to me so that I could pull him up to standing. He looped an arm around my shoulders easily and hopped in synch with my steps until we reached the spot where we'd left our clothes.

We dressed in companionable silence and then blindly reached out for the other's hand as we headed back into the woods. I had taken the tie out of my hair and re-braided it to keep it off my neck while Peeta was strapping his prosthetic back on, but it was still just as hot now that the sun was high overhead indicating it was passing noon.

By the time we got back to where the old fence had been, we were both completely dry. I allowed myself a satisfied smile as I realized any evidence of our late-morning swim would go unnoticed by anyone who might see us emerging from the woods. To the untrained eye, we were just a young couple taking a stroll on a sticky summer day.

As we passed Haymitch's yard, he called to us from the porch. "Hey! You comin' in for lunch?"

I could tell just by looking at him that he was in between his morning blackout and his afternoon one.

"For what? The stimulating conversation?" I called back and Peeta shook his head.

"We'll stop in later tonight, Haymitch. I baked some banana bread this morning before I came over to get Katniss, I'll bring it for dessert!" he hollered and Haymitch nodded and threw us a quick wave.

"Sounds divine!" he called back with a smirk and folded his arms behind his head as he leaned back in the rocking chair he was in. "Now you two behave you hear? I don't want to be woken up from my afternoon nap!" I knew he must have been really proud of himself for that one. Probably worked on it all morning just waiting for the right time that we would pass by, refuse his invitation to lunch, and he could hurl it our way with the intent to embarrass us both.

We had just gotten to the steps up to our front porch when I started climbing them backwards, pulling Peeta along with me by the hand. I stopped as I grabbed the door knob, not able to let him get the last word in.

"Well then you better turn that stereo of yours up good and loud!" I shot back and tugged a laughing Peeta into the house behind me. Peeta pushed the door closed and pulled off his shoes in the foyer. I was already moving around the downstairs, shutting windows so that the air conditioning would kick in.

"I'm gonna grab some things from the kitchen in case we get hungry and I'll meet you upstairs in 5 minutes." I said giving Peeta a quick kiss at the bottom of the stairs. He nodded but grabbed my chin and deepened the kiss to the point that I went weak in the knees.

When we finally pulled away from each other, I almost said screw the food and knocked him over right there on the stairs to have my way with him, but I restrained myself.

"F..food." I stuttered and pointed towards the kitchen. Peeta looked me over once, bit his bottom lip and then nodded slowly and started walking up the steps backwards so that he could hold my gaze.

"Go!" I laughed and ran for the kitchen to grab an assortment of snack foods for us. On my way through the upstairs hall to our room, I couldn't help but stop outside of Peeta's painting room which used to be my mother's old bedroom. I knew he didn't really want me to see the painting he'd done of me the day before, but I had to see it. I set the snacks down gently on the hall floor and looked at our bedroom door for a long few moments. I heard Peeta in the shower and knew he'd be a few minutes still. I pushed the painting room door open slowly and slipped inside.

Typically Peeta propped his paintings around the room wherever he could find space. There was some method to the madness though as I realized he often put the finished paintings to one side and ordered them by what he planned to do with them. Some he sold in town, others were designated to go in different rooms of our home or given to close friends like Haymitch or Greasy Sae.

The more violent images from the Games or his nightmares that he knew I found upsetting, he kept in the large walk-in closet in the back of the room so that I wouldn't see them unless I went looking for them. I suspected that this painting he'd done of me the day before might be in there too. I stood in the middle of the room for a minute, kicking at the corner of a large drop cloth that had been spread across the floor to protect the hardwood from paint, mulling over whether it was worth the likelihood of bringing on some nightmares of my own to go in there and look for it.

"Oh, what the hell." I growled and marched over to the door and pulled it open. I stood there another full minute before I got up the nerve to reach in around the door for the light switch. When I flipped it on, I had to close my eyes and take a deep breath before I could step in. Peeta was and still is an extremely gifted artist. Looking at those paintings was for me like being right back in the arena. The good, the bad and the ugly of each of our two trips there staring at me in living color from every corner of the relatively small space. I fought a shudder and wiped my sweaty palms on my shorts before quickly scanning the room for…

And suddenly, there it was. The canvas was about 3 feet tall by 2 feet wide. I don't know what I was expecting it to look like, maybe like the tasteless, tawdry pornography I'd seen occasionally in the Capitol when I was there for the games. Knowing Peeta the way I did, I should have known better because what I saw on this canvas was truly art.

I didn't know exactly what memory of our first night together he had captured because in the painting, I was sound asleep. During his bashful confession over the phone, Peeta had left out the little detail that he too was in the painting and equally undressed. The only difference was that most of Peeta was covered by my body as I lay draped over him on the bed. We must have become too hot under the covers sometime during the night and pushed them off of us but I was still tucked close into Peeta's side, one arm tucked up between us, my hand curled against his chest and my cheek resting against my own knuckles.

My hair was fanned out on the pillow behind me and the pearl necklace placed (purposefully, I'm sure) in the center of the painting, was hanging just above one partially visible breast whose nipple was pressing into Peeta's ribs. My leg directly touching the mattress was held straight, the toes of its foot pointing down towards the end of the bed and my other leg was bent at the knee strategically covering Peeta's crotch as I had it thrown casually over his lower body.

He'd clearly paid particular attention to the curve of my backside as I noticed the detail with which he'd painted the soft, feminine taper of the curves I was beginning to regain since returning to 12. I smiled when I noticed that the hand belonging to the arm he had beneath me was resting gently on the curve of one butt cheek, the way the fingers were splayed indicating he had likely been stroking my backside in this memory. His other hand rested at my neck, his four fingers disappearing from between the first and second knuckle down into the hair resting on the pillow just behind my neck, and his thumb resting gently against the line of my jaw.

The part that finally made me blush though wasn't the nudity, but the look of complete adoration and love on Peeta's face as he looked down into my face where it rested against his shoulder.

How had I ever doubted this boy's feelings for even a moment? I'll admit that now, all these years later, when we've had a particularly heated disagreement or I find myself focusing too much on his faults, I think of his face in that painting and it helps me to get over it all that more quickly.

I was so focused on the painting that I didn't hear Peeta enter the room until he stepped on a floorboard directly behind me in the closet doorway. I snapped my head around to find him standing with his hands holding onto either side of the doorway just above his shoulders, staring at me with a lopsided smile. He looked fresh and clean from the shower standing there in just a pair of thin, dark blue sleep pants.

"Hey. You found it huh?" he asked with a soft nervous laugh and I walked over to him, wrapping my arms around his torso as I stood to one side. We both looked at the painting together for a quiet moment and then I turned my head and kissed his chest over his heart lightly.

"It's perfect…I love it." I whispered and then tilted my head a little to one side. "There's something though…that I just can't figure out." When Peeta didn't immediately respond I went on. "Something about the angle of it that just seems…" He cut me off with a chuckle.

"You're so observant about some things, Katniss that it makes me laugh to think that you never noticed me watching you in school or when you stopped in the bakery to trade squirrels." He said quietly and continued when I lifted my head and looked up at him confused. "It seems off because it's backwards." He explained with a nod. "We slept in opposite positions on the bed that night but THIS view, is what I saw in the reflection of that full length standing floor mirror by your dresser." He said sounding quite pleased with either himself for the explanation or me for noticing something was off with the point of view, I wasn't sure which.

"Oh!" I said in surprise and looped my arms around his waist. "That's it!" I laughed and kissed his chest again. "Really though, Peeta. I love it."

I hadn't realized just how hard he'd been sweating the idea of me seeing it until I felt him let out a long breath and the muscles in his upper body relaxed visibly. "Actually…" I said moving around to stand in front of him more, my arms still wrapped tightly around his torso so that I had to tilt my head back to look up into his face. "If you'd like you can paint me like that sometime when I'm awake." I offered and Peeta leaned in to kiss me tenderly. When he pulled back, the look in his eyes had intensified and I recognized it immediately from that first night we'd been together earlier in the week.

"That's good news." He whispered and kissed my lips again and then my cheek and my ear. "Because I was thinking I'd really like to…paint you right now…" he breathed and his hot breath tickled the inside of my ear, making me flinch.

"Right now?" I asked in that squeaky voice that only happened when I was nervous and trying, but failing miserably, to hide it. Peeta nodded slowly and lowered his hands from the doorway to settle them on my upper arms.

"But not the way you're probably thinking." He said with a smile and slid his hands down my arms until he was grasping my finger tips. "Come here." He urged quietly with a tug on each hand as he backed out of the closet.

"Peeta I…" He cut me off with a 'shush' and asked me if I trusted him. I responded without hesitation in the affirmative.

"Good, then shush and stand right here." He said leaving me standing in the middle of that drop cloth I had been kicking at when I first walked into the room. I watched with open curiosity as he moved around the room, gathering up small jars of paint and examining different sized paint brushes before he found one he liked and grabbed a handful of similar brushes on his way back over to me.

He smiled as he sat down on a stool at a small worktable and laid out the paints, mixing and pouring them into smaller jars lined up in a thin plastic box and then stuck a brush in each. At this point, I was too curious and had too many questions to even ask what was going to happen and I felt my heartbeat increase slightly in anticipation.

When he seemed to have everything he needed, Peeta walked back over to me and set the little box of paints down on the floor beside his feet and stepped forward into my personal space.

"Trust me?" he asked again when I looked up into his face with wide, anxious eyes and again, I nodded.

"Always." I said firmly and dropped my arms which had been crossed over my chest, to my sides.

Seeming pleased with that answer, Peeta reached out and lifted my chin with one finger and pressed his lips to mine. I closed my eyes and melted into the kiss, my hands moving of their own accord up to wrap around the back of Peeta's neck.

"Love you." I breathed against his lips and Peeta dropped his hands to my lower back, pulling me in closer to his body and slipping his hands up the back of my shirt slowly. He peeled the tank top over my head and slid his hands up my belly to massage my breasts. I moaned deep in the back of my throat and pressed into his hands as our kisses became more heated.

"Love you too." He sighed into my mouth when we came up briefly for air. "So much Katniss…always…" he murmured as he kissed his way down to my neck and back up to my lips while reaching behind me to unhook my bra. He tossed it aside with my shirt and went immediately to my shorts, unbuttoning the top button and sliding the zipper down slowly before tugging me forward so that I stepped out of them. I felt him kick them aside as well right before he scooped me up into his arms and gently laid me down on my back on the drop cloth.

He kissed his way down between my breasts, circling each one with feather light kisses before laving each nipple in turn. I moaned and gripped his hair tightly, holding him there to let him know that it was exactly where I wanted him. "Oh Peeta.." I gasped and he settled himself between my legs which had been squirming together since he first laid me down on the floor.

I reached down for the edges of my panties only to have Peeta stop my hands at my belly with a shake of his head.

"Just lie back." He said with a nod and I watched his eyes for a moment before I complied. I watched as he reached over for the paints I had forgotten in my passion and set the little box of jars on the edge of the drop cloth. He took a brush out of one of the jars as he moved toward me.

Oh. _Paint me._ I guess to be fair, he DID tell me that he wanted to paint me, I just didn't realize at the time that he meant for me to be the canvas. As weird as it sounds, I found it to be one of the sexiest things I had ever heard.

I tried to be as still as possible when I felt the first touch of the brush to my skin when he set it against my upper left arm. The cool, slippery feeling of the paint felt odd at first, but changed quickly from odd to sensuous as he moved it down to my elbow and gently swept the brush back and forth across my skin from shoulder to elbow. I closed my eyes and relaxed into the sensation, feeling both aroused and deliciously wicked at the same time.

When he'd finished my arm, I opened my eyes to find he'd painted a loaf of bread there. The same type of bread that he'd thrown to me that awful day in the rain. My eyes welled up briefly with tears which I bit back. I watched as he moved on to my lower arm, using the scar from where Johanna had dug the tracker out to paint a rather fierce looking mockingjay in flight, the scar acting as one of the bird's eyes.

I smiled, enjoying the creativity with which he was going about this. I closed my eyes again, letting him work, until there was a brief pause and I knew he was switching brushes again. I felt my breathing speed up a little as my mind considered all of the places he could go next. Left in just my panties, the possibilities were many.

I grinned when I felt the brush beginning to stroke softly back and forth over my lower abdomen and even around my navel. I could only imagine what he was painting there.

"You okay?" he asked and I could hear the smile in his voice.

"Uh huh…it tickles a little though right there." I admitted, still grinning.

"Not as much as here I bet…" he whispered and I jumped when I felt the brush circle first one and then the other knee. I couldn't help squirming as he lifted my knees so that they were tented off of the floor and ran the brush once lightly over the inside of each making me giggle.

"Hold still!" Peeta laughed and I squeezed my eyes shut more tightly and bit my lip to try and fight the urge to move and laugh.

I felt the brush leave my body and slowly slid my legs back down to lay them flat as I waited for the next brush. I gasped softly when I felt him slowly dabbing the center of my left nipple with the brush and then circling around and around it, moving back a little at a time until it had covered my entire breast.

Next, I felt a new brush on the other breast and concentrated on the feel of it as he did the same on this side but made more of a crescent shape around this one. Whatever the case, it was no less stimulating for him to paint half of a breast than a full one, so I wasn't going to complain. I felt yet another new brush working on the area between my breasts and down to just below my sternum.

By this point, I was squirming from even the slightest touch of the brush and I rubbed my knees together slowly and felt that there was already a great deal of wetness between my legs.

Judging by where I could hear Peeta's soft breathing as he worked on my chest, I chanced an 'accidental' reach and wasn't surprised to find him nearly busting out of his sleep pants with excitement.

"Peeta please, I need you." I begged and then groaned when he pulled his hips out of my reach.

"Just a minute, Sweetheart," he said using his best imitation of Haymitch's voice. "I'm about done here and then you can take a look at it." He said in such a way that I knew he was having as difficult a time as me holding off.

"Okay, there." He said and I felt him sit back from me so I opened my eyes. Peeta was looking me over with a look that said he either wanted to frame me and hang me on the wall or he wanted to climb on top of me and get covered in paint himself.

I sat up slowly, stretching out my muscles from forcing myself to lie still for so long and then slowly climbed to my feet and helped Peeta up from the floor. He held my hand as we walked over to the full length mirror on the back of the door and I gasped when I finally saw the finished product.

The loaf of bread and the mockingjay were still perched on my left arm but the rest of me looked almost like I was wearing a skin tight suit of paint except for where my simple panties still could still be seen.

I smiled as I looked at the trail of lady bugs climbing up my leg like a tree and tried to resist reaching out to touch the beautiful wildflowers that covered my abdomen. I giggled when I noticed he'd used my navel to create a large sunflower in the middle of the bunch.

When my eyes reached my upper body, I couldn't help the wave of emotions that overcame me, knowing the meaning of what he'd drawn right away. On one breast was painted the moon, a perfect crescent like it had been on that first night we'd made love. On the other, the bright yellow sun. I could almost feel the heat of it and knew this was his way of thanking me for the adventure we went on that morning to the lake. Between the sun and the moon was a dark night sky dotted with stars, the brightest one having been painted over my heart.

The north star. The way for him to always find his way back to me, no matter how lost he got.

"Peeta…it's….I don't know what to say I just…it's beautiful." I said gaping at what I saw in the mirror.

"Anything on you looks beautiful." He said moving to stand behind me and kissing the back of my neck. "Though nothing has its perks too." He teased and stroked a hand down my side from the outer curve of my breast to the flare of my hip.

I turned around after one last look in the mirror and wrapped my arms around his neck and stood up on tiptoes to kiss him with a passion he hadn't yet seen. I heard him groan as the paint began to quickly smear from my body onto his and he pulled me closer in his arms and started walking us backwards toward the drop cloth on the floor where I'd just been lying.

There was no way we could go to our bed right now and so I just let Peeta guide me back down onto the cloth with one hand as he reached between us to tug down my panties and push them aside.

"Your turn." I said against his throat and reached to push his sleep pants down as well. By this point, all of the touching and rubbing against one another had left us both equally covered in paint.

I couldn't help chucking a little at the feel of the slimy paint between our bodies and the soft sucking sound it made when our bodies pulled apart. Once Peeta's pants had been kicked aside, there was no stopping us. I pulled him over so that he was on top of me and he cut a glance towards the door.

"I have to run in the bedroom for a second, I forgot a condom." He whispered against my jaw and I shook my head, knowing that him being out of my sight for even a moment was not going to work for me.

"No, don't go." I whispered reaching up to hold his face in my hands. "Just pull out of me before you finish." Apparently Peeta was in no mood to argue because he slid forward, pushed my legs open and thrust inside me in under 5 seconds.

I hissed at the initial feel of him entering me and smiled up into his eyes appreciatively when he held still, letting me adjust before he began to move. When I gave him a slight nod, he leaned down to kiss me again just as he was pulling out, and slipped his tongue in between my lips as he was thrusting back in.

"Oh shit, Katniss!" He cried out. "It…you feel amazing this way." He almost whimpered and I realized this session wasn't going to be long, but it had been damned memorable.

I nodded and arched my back a little to give him a better angle of penetration. "I know, I know it's…perfect." I moaned back and before I knew it, our hips were snapping into each other feverishly and I felt the tightness not only of the paint drying on my skin, but of my orgasm building fast and furious in the pit of my belly.

"Peeta!" I cried out as I came and continues to pant his name as I came back to earth. I brought my hands down onto his backside, guiding him to the rhythm I liked best and that would bring him relief as well. It wasn't more than a few seconds later that Peeta suddenly pulled back from my body with a grunt and grabbed onto himself pumping his hand furiously until he came on the drop cloth beside us.

"Oh my…that was…wow." I said feeling like a redundant idiot as I had been throwing wow around a lot lately.

I settled into Peeta's arms as he brought them up around my body and I snuggled in close to him.

"Well, I do believe another shower is in order for both of us." I chuckled and looked down at our bodies in the bright afternoon light coming in through the windows.

"Sounds like some good clean fun to me." Peeta smiled and blew a big raspberry on my neck to make me smile. "Though that would require getting up and moving huh?" he teased and I rolled onto him suddenly and kissed him hard.

"Come on, I'll race ya there and then we'll go for round 2 back in the bedroom." Peeta grinned and stood slowly, looking over his body covered in second hand paint.

"Sounds like fun to me." I said letting him help me to my feet and taking his hand as we headed out the door and over to the master bedroom and bath.

While Peeta was warming up the water in the shower, I had time to think more about that painting and how in love we had seemed. I made a wish, or perhaps a silent promise to myself that whenever I had any doubts about how much Peeta loved me, I would need only to think of his face in that painting to remember how much he cared for me. That even when the red X was hanging on the door, my Peeta was still in there somewhere, trying his damndest to find his way back to me.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Peeta and I didn't make it to dinner at Haymitch's that night after round 2 turned into round 3…and then 4. We did show up with the promised banana bread just after dinner when we knew Haymitch would be at his most lucid. We were both fed and rested following our own quick dinner when we walked in through Haymitch's kitchen door and found him sitting at the table with the remnants of his pot pie on a plate in front of him and Gale sitting in a chair across the table.

"Evening kids." Haymitch said with a smirk and nodded his head once in the direction of the oven. "Still some pot pie left if you're interested." He said and we took the remaining empty seats across from each other putting us both between Gale and Haymitch.

"Thanks, we ate something before we came over." Peeta said putting the banana bread down in the middle of the table and taking Haymitch's knife to slice it. Everyone reached for the middle of the table and grabbed a slice which we all spread a generous amount of butter on before leaning back in our chairs to eat.

"You feelin' alright boy?" Haymitch asked between bites of bread and Peeta smiled easily at him and then cut me a shy glance. I couldn't help looking over at Gale quickly. He was sipping a glass of water and looking at Peeta with a mixture of sympathy and envy. I assumed he, like Haymitch, was smart enough to figure out what Peeta and I had been up to most of the day.

"Yeah, I'm good." Peeta said looking at Haymitch and then back at me again. "Thanks, Haymitch." He said turning back to his slice of bread and lifted his eyes to Gale.

"What have you been up to today Gale?" I asked leaning forward with my elbows on the table and reaching for another slice of bread. Gale chewed slowly and swallowed before he answered.

"Hung out with Sae a bit this afternoon, met up with Thom for a little." He said and turned his attention to Peeta. "Saw those plans for the new bakery. It looks like it's gonna be really nice, good luck with it." Gale said offering Peeta a genuine smile. "I'm sure it'll help things feel more like home here to have the smell of the breads and cakes in the town square again." He said and Peeta nodded.

"Thanks, I like to think it'd make my parents and my brothers proud to know I kept the family business going. Now that everyone can afford the breads and cakes and other sweets they stared at in the bakery window for years, there's a bigger demand for them in 12." Peeta explained and smiled at me again. "Besides, I think Katniss' cheese bun habit is getting bigger than the kitchen in my old house can accommodate." He teased and everyone laughed.

"Shut up!" I said tossing a balled up napkin across the table at him which he caught easily and threw back at me. I deflected it with one hand and shook my head at Peeta with a little laugh.

"Haymitch tells me you also sell your artwork now too." Gale said sitting back casually in his chair. "I could use something on the walls in my new apartment. If you wouldn't mind, I'd like to take a look at some of your stuff before I leave Saturday." He asked and Peeta nodded.

Gale's mention of Saturday reminded me that I wanted to invite him to hunt with me. The drama surrounding Peeta's episode had taken up almost all of Gale's visit and I realized that if I wanted to ask him, it'd be now or never. Having spent the day reconnecting with Peeta, I felt it was safe enough to ask.

"Oh! Before you head back to District 2, I thought maybe you'd like to go hunting with me tomorrow?" I asked and tried not to look nervous about his answer.

Gale's eyes immediately went to Peeta and then to me. "Is…that a good idea?" he asked looking between the two of us. "I mean, could it set Peeta off again?" he explained and I opened my mouth to answer, but Peeta beat me to it.

"I'm okay for now…." He answered honestly and looked at us both. "One of the things Dr. Aurelius wants me to work on is to be more trusting of people and take them on their word." Peeta explained quietly and then smiled at me. "I'm doing pretty well with trusting Katniss…" he said and then turned his attention to Gale. "I _want_ to trust you." He admitted freely and Gale looked at him for a long few seconds and nodded.

"That sounds good enough to me I guess." He shrugged and looked back to me. "Sure, I'll go hunting with you tomorrow. You have an extra bow still stashed away somewhere?" He asked standing and clearing his spot, placing the dishes in the sink.

I nodded. "Yeah, sure. Meeting spot at 7 o'clock tomorrow?" I asked and Gale nodded. I could tell that he was happy to be making such familiar plans with me, even if his motivations weren't the same as they were when we were just young kids trying to feed our families and slowly growing to love each other as more than friends.

Gale washed his hands before heading for the door, leaving the three of us with one last smile before he went back to Peeta's old house for the night.

Haymitch waited until Gale's footsteps had left the porch before he spoke. "You two talked about this?" he asked and then grunted when we both nodded. "Okay, just hope you know what you're doing." He said in that tone he used when he wanted to say that he knew better than us, but was trying to resist actually coming out and saying it.

"Relax old man, we got this." Peeta said giving Haymitch a good natured slap on the shoulder to which he raised an eyebrow.

"You seem cheery this evening, been up to anything productive today? Get a lot of baking done? Some paintings to sell in town?" he asked not being able to resist harassing us. Peeta probably should have held off on the 'old man' comment.

Peeta was impressively unfazed by his teasing. "Yeah, actually I did get some painting done." He said winking at me and biting into his third slice of banana bread. I know I must have turned bright red but I also couldn't help the smile in my eyes.

Haymitch huffed and grabbed the bottle of liquor next to his plate and took a long swig. "Nevermind, I'm sorry I asked." He grumbled and Peeta shook with laughter. I joined in a moment later as we both enjoyed seeing Haymitch be the one embarrassed for a change.

We left shortly after just as the sun had set completely beneath the horizon and walked back to our yard. Peeta was starting for the door talking about getting some _actual _work done but I tugged his hand, leading him to the backyard.

"Where are we going?" He asked with a smile but continued following me. I turned the corner into the backyard in answer.

Before we had left for Haymitch's I had laid out a blanket in the yard similar to the one we had taken up onto the roof with us for our all day picnic the day before the Quarter Quell. Peeta smiled and looked around the yard which he'd mowed a few days before his episode.

"Needs a trim." He said reaching down to run his fingers through the shaggy grass. I leaned into his side as he stood and one of his arms came around me, holding me close.

"Do it tomorrow while Gale and I are hunting." I suggested and kissed his neck once softly. "It'll keep your mind busy." Peeta nodded and we stood watching as the flicker of more and more fireflies appeared in the summer evening. As we started walking over to the blanket on the lawn, a chorus of crickets could be heard tuning up their instruments for their nightly show.

"Look at that, a light show and background music, you sure are lucky to have a girlfriend who plans ahead so well." I joked as we kicked off our shoes and lay down beside one another looking up at the stars that stretched far and wide across the night sky.

"Lightings not bad either." Peeta sighed and pulled me over so that I was tucked under one arm. I lay my head on his chest and he began to play with my hair, probably thinking of practicing his knot tying skills like he had on the roof that day.

"Thanks Katniss, this is great." He whispered and brought one hand down to rest over the one I had placed on his stomach.

I nodded. "You're welcome. I figured you wanted to spend time outside after being in for so long…and I didn't exactly give you a whole lot of outside time after the lake this morning." I smiled and Peeta chuckled softly.

"Yeah, I'd complain if I didn't have so much fun being inside the rest of the day." He whispered and stroked a finger up the back of my arm, spreading gooseflesh in its wake. I lifted my head and grinned up at him, leaning in to kiss him silly.

"Well, then I'm glad I did keep you inside…" I teased against his lips and he moved his hands down to my backside, tugging me up to lay on top of him. I let my legs fall to either side of his hips and propped myself up on my flat palms as I continued kissing him. The sound of the crickets grew louder, making me think of the Capitol crowds when they would cheer us on each time we kissed in public.

I pulled back with a start and looked down into Peeta's eyes. I could see him pretty well by the light of the half moon and he was frowning. "You alright?" he asked a little louder than a whisper and I shrugged and took a deep breath.

"Memories just…getting in the way," I murmured and looked around the yard briefly to remind myself that this wasn't the Capitol. That Peeta and I were safe and alone in our own yard together.

I was watching a firefly crawl on a long blade of grass beside the blanket when I felt Peeta reach up and cup my cheeks in his hands, forcing me to look into his eyes.

"You know, sometimes with all of the problems I have, it's easy to forget that I'm not the only one whose been emotionally damaged by the Games and the war." He said almost sounding apologetic. "I'm going to try and work on that…hopefully I'll have plenty of time to get better at it." He said with a small smile and leaned up to kiss me once gently on the lips.

"I love you Katniss. More than anything in the world." He whispered. Usually I'd think people saying something like that would be corny, but with the conviction Peeta puts into everything he says (because he actually does mean _everything_ he says), it just made me feel…cherished. It wasn't something I'd felt since I was a little child and my father had been alive, or since my sister had been killed and my mother left District 12 and all of the ghosts behind. It was the feeling of family. It was then that I realized Peeta was my family and would be for as long as I'd like.

I took a shuddering breath as a peace I hadn't felt in some time, if ever, settled over me. Dr. Aurelius would call it a 'break through'. I still had some deep seeded aversion to the idea of marriage that certainly wasn't lessened by the whole fake proposal and wedding planning in the Capitol, but sharing the rest of my life with Peeta seemed like something I could definitely do.

"I love you too, Peeta. More than anything or any_one_ in the world." I whispered back, feeling my eyes welling up with tears. Peeta brushed them away with his thumbs before rolling us over on the blanket until he was on top of me and started kissing me passionately. I wrapped one arm around his torso, tracing the length of his spine with my fingertips as the other arm slipped between us and reached for the zipper of his shorts.

"Mmm…jeez Katniss, aren't you tired of me yet after today?" he teased against my lips and I shook my head.

"Never." I said biting his bottom lip gently between my teeth as I freed his erection from the shorts but left them on.

"I'd like that in wriring for future use if it isn't too much trouble." He laughed against my throat and groaned when I gripped him tightly. "Ohhh…that's nice." He moaned and reached down between us, his hands shaking around mine as he reached for the zipper on my shorts and worked them and my panties down to my knees.

I giggled and reached for the corner of the blanket near my head and produced a small packet from beneath it and ripped it open between our faces. Peeta laughed and kissed me while I rolled the condom onto him.

"Wow, I suspected there might be some kissing but you _did_ plan this you hussy." Peeta growled beside my ear and I pinched his inner thigh which made him yelp. "alright, alright! I'll behave!" he laughed and I wrapped my arms around his torso again so that my hands were flat on his back. I looked up into his eyes and suddenly the situation wasn't quite so funny anymore.

I raised my hips to his, rubbing against his hardness gently and Peeta brought his lips down onto mine again, kissing me hard as he slowly sank into me. He thrust his hips suddenly when he was about halfway in and I cried out as it both burned a little and felt fantastic at the same time.

"Okay?" Peeta asked with a shaky voice beside my ear and I nodded quickly and hooked my ankles behind his knees to open myself up to him more. "Love you." He whispered as he began to move. He reached down one hand at a time and pulled my hands up so that they were on either side of my head, our fingers entwined.

I focused on the sound of the crickets and the slow twinkle of the stars above us as I eased into the feel of him inside me. Even after all we had done that day, it still felt a little strange. I didn't know if it was his size or the fact that we were both new to this, or that we were essentially out in public, but I had to work to calm my nerves and I felt Peeta respond in kind to my anxiousness. He slowed his movements, thrusting shallowly until I had relaxed enough that he could move more fluidly.

I began raising my hips to his which told me that I was nearing my climax, and I could tell Peeta was close by the way he was breathing. He sounded like he was training for a marathon. I smiled against his lips and pushed up with my hands. Peeta initially mistook my pushing for me wanting him to get off of me and he pulled out and raised his head back so that he was looking down into my face.

"Sure you're okay?" he asked again and I nodded shyly.

"Yes, yeah I'm fine, I just…wanted to try something…" I mumbled and Peeta smiled softly and nodded for me to go ahead. I sat up and pushed him over onto his back on the opposite end of the blanket and kicked my shorts and panties aside as I moved to straddle his belly.

Peeta's face told me that what he assumed I had planned was definitely working for him. He reached for my hands again and placed them flat on his chest over his t-shirt and then reached for my hips which he helped me to raise up. We both looked down between us in the moonlight and helped each other to line up our hips again. I sank slowly down onto his erection, not able to take my eyes off of where we were joined until he was all the way inside.

"Shit!" Peeta gasped and gripped my hips so tightly I almost cried out. "Uhh..yeah, I'm gonna apologize in advance..." He grunted as I slowly lifted myself off of him and then settled back down. "Because I'm gonna last for about 2 more of those and that's it!" he cried and dropped his head back to the blanket, digging the back of it into the ground underneath as his eyes rolled back.

I smiled wickedly and repeated my little move, chuckling softly at the way Peeta's cheeks puffed out and sweat began to bead above his lip and under his eyes. I had to admit, it felt amazing to me too, but my feelings probably had more to do with the power it gave me over both of our pleasure.

Slowly but surely I began to rock my hips back and forth, leaning forward so that his penis was making contact with my most sensitive parts. I raised my hips up again and felt Peeta's hands go to my chest, massaging my breasts through my shirt tenderly as I continued to move on top of him.

I threw my head back and looked up at the stars again, thinking that this was just one of the first of a million memories I wanted to make with this boy and that was what finally pushed me over the edge. I dropped forward so that I was lying on Peeta's chest and buried my face in his neck as I let out a loud noise of satisfaction.

Peeta wasn't far behind, as I felt him still his hips, his face pressed against my shoulder as he cried out too and then went slack underneath me.

We lay there, the sound of our panting almost drowning out the crickets and the lights around the fireflies looking fuzzy and out of focus to my bleary eyes.

"Fan-damn-tastic." Peeta moaned as we kissed and I felt him soften inside of me and slip out slowly. I climbed off of his lap and lay down beside him again as he hiked up his pants and I pulled the part of the blanket we weren't lying on over my exposed lower body.

We huddled close together, kissing occasionally and stroking our hands over different heated parts of bodies until we each regained the ability to form a coherent thought.

"Bed." Peeta finally croaked out and I whined.

"No, no more…I can't…" I almost cried and Peeta laughed and kissed the top of my head. He lifted his head and looked around at the dark houses that surrounded ours in Victor's Village. The lights in his old home were out indicating Gale was likely asleep and the house to the other side, occupied now by a few of the builders working to restore the town was dark as well. It must have been pretty late.

"No, no I meant for sleep." He said sitting up and reaching for my shorts and underwear and handing them to me along with both of our shoes. Before I could even sit up to put them on, Peeta stood and scooped me up in his arms still wrapped in the blanket and carried me inside the house.

It was a cool night and as Peeta set me down on my feet inside the door and I fixed the blanket around me, I saw him go to the thermostat and turn off the air conditioning. I knew his next step would be to head upstairs and open all of the windows on the second floor for sleeping.

"I'll get the windows and meet you in bed." I said kissing him at the bottom of the stairs. "I'm sure you need to use the bathroom first." I said against his lips and Peeta nodded and followed me up the stairs.

When Peeta finally made his way into our bedroom I was already changed into a light nightgown and curled up on my side of the bed. He was back in another pair of cotton sleep pants like the ones he'd had on...briefly during the day. I smiled at him as he sat down on the end of the bed to remove his prosthetic and then climbed under the covers himself.

We lay on our sides staring at each other in companionable silence for a few minutes before Peeta yawned and I scooted over into his arms, resting my head on his shoulder.

"Goodnight Peeta. I love you." I whispered turning my head to look up at him. He lowered his lips to mine and kissed me once and then twice before settling his head back onto his pillow with a happy sigh.

"Love you too, wake me if you need anything." He said probably thinking of his promise to be more mindful of my struggles. But it was all for naught as we both fell asleep almost immediately with the crickets singing through the open windows and the fireflies blinking their own version of Morse code across our drapes.

That week was the last time I saw the red X on the door for such a stretch of time that I wondered if perhaps Peeta was actually cured of his episodes. Naturally, that made it even more devastating the next time I saw it...

On the same night he first proposed to me for real, and the first time I turned his proposal down.

_To be continued in chapter 12…_

A/N: _Obviously the next chapter is going to focus on an episode caused by her turning down his proposal and I have a few life events already in mind for episodes that will bring out the X, but if you have any in particular that you'd like to see leading up to where they are in the first chapter where Katniss begins telling the story of the red X, let me know in reviews or with a PM and I will try and work them into the story! Thanks! _


	12. Chapter 12

_Well, I don't want the whole world  
The sun, the moon, and all their light  
I just want to be the only girl  
You love all your life  
You love all your life_

The Band Perry- All Your Life

**Chapter 12**

It was more than half a year after we'd first grown back together and begun living as a couple in what was my Victor house when it happened the first time. The red X hadn't hung on a single door in the house in 4 months and I was being lulled into what would soon be exposed as a false sense of security.

Gale's visit had ended with Gale and I promising to keep in touch, attempting to repair the friendship we'd once had. If there was one thing I learned from all of the losses in my young life so far, it was that life was just too damn short. Peeta had a few small episodes after that, nothing taking a hold of the back of a chair for a minute or two didn't fix, and only 2 big ones that led to the X hanging on the door in those two months after Gale's visit.

During the first one, I had gone to Haymitch's and gotten drunk. Peeta was pretty mad at me in the morning, saying it was of no help to him if he knew I was becoming a drunk thanks to the warped thoughts that plagued his mind. I apologized and slept on the couch most of the day with a killer hangover. As if Peeta's scolding hadn't been punishment enough.

During the second, I had spent the entire day at the lake swimming, fishing and thinking about the time Peeta and I had spent there throughout the summer. I fell asleep by the little fire I made in the concrete house and when I returned in the morning, Peeta asked where I'd been. The look on his face told me he wished he'd been able to go too. I grabbed a sleeping bag, packed a picnic and took him back to the lake with me to spend another day and night there, being unable to refuse him almost anything after an episode.

The next 4 months were our happiest yet. Peeta and I both threw ourselves into the bakery being built and he began taking me with him to his old house to bake a few ours a day, trying to teach me the trade.

I wasn't very good at first and many of my lessons ended with me coaxing Peeta up to his old bedroom while whatever we were making was in the oven. Peeta only half-heartedly scolded me for the distraction when we burned a couple of batches of cookies that way.

The bakery opened late in the fall just before what had been our Harvest celebration in the days of the Capitol. Each district held their own harvest festival that year, finding it hard to break with some of the old traditions (especially the ones we had actually found some enjoyment in).

We spent all of the late summer and early fall painting and preparing the bakery to open so it wasn't surprising that neither of us noticed the other residents of 12 sneaking around as they planned to make the bakery opening the center of the Harvest celebration. On the first day of the holiday when the bakery had been opened for a full week, we were both humbled to find a large party tent set up in front of the bakery with tables, musicians, a dance floor and donations of food and decoration from nearly every merchant who had returned to 12.

We danced together to the fiddle music of our childhood, mingled with neighbors and even Haymitch made an appearance. He limited his social circle to Peeta, myself and Sae mostly but at least he was out in the fresh air and trying to look sober.

When nearly everyone had returned to their homes for the night and Peeta was cleaning up the cookie trays and cake plates we'd brought out to the tent, I pulled Haymitch up from his chair in the corner and made him dance with me. He humored me, spinning me around the dance floor and showing me some quick step dances from when he was a boy.

I was in near hysterics laughing at Haymitch doing a silly little dance purely for my entertainment when I caught Peeta's eye from where he was leaning on the railing outside of the bakery door. He was watching us with a little smile, his apron still tied around his waist and a cleaning rag in one hand. I smiled brightly and threw him a little wave which he returned. I excused myself from Haymitch after sitting him back down in a chair with a slice of pie and walked over to the bakery where Peeta was still standing.

"I'm impressed he could make it through that without puking or falling down. I know from experience you're difficult to keep up with." He teased and sat down on the stoop. I chuckled and joined him, linking arms with him and laying my head on his shoulder.

Peeta kissed the top of my head and rested his head on top of mine. "Have fun tonight?" he asked and I nodded slowly.

It was really sweet of everyone to make the bakery opening part of the celebration." I whispered and felt Peeta smile against my head. "Kinda makes it feel like home for you again don't you think?" I asked and Peeta lifted his head and looked up at the sign over the door.

" 'Mellark Bakery'." He read to himself. I could see him rolling that around in his head for a few moments before he turned and looked at me. "You know it's as much your bakery as mine…" he said with a nervous lilt to his voice that set off an alarm or two in my brain. Peeta didn't get nervous unless it had to do with me.

"Yeah…I know, but it was your family's trade so it makes sense that it has your name on the sign. It's familiar to the people in 12." I said with a shrug and looked around the square, smiling as I watched a few families still making their way home, laughing and talking excitedly. "They could use some familiarity right now." I nodded and then looked up at the sign again with a grin.

"But you know, if you wanted to I wouldn't be opposed to throwing 'and Everdeen' up there under the Mellark." I teased and dropped my eyes back to Peeta's. My smile faded a little when I met his gaze. He had leaned in closer to me and his expression was a mix of terrified and hopeful.

"Or…or w-we could just make you a Mellark." He said entwining our fingers together on my knee. I dropped my eyes to our linked hands and sighed softly.

"Peeta…" I started quietly and he reached up with his free hand, taking my chin between his thumb and forefinger and turning my face towards him. He leaned in and kissed me to cut off the gentle rejection he seemed to already know was coming. He kissed me breathless and was just reaching around behind me to pull me close when I placed a hand on his chest and pulled away from the kiss.

"Peeta…please." I begged and scooted away from him on the stoop. "Why do you want to marry me?" I asked with an edge of anger in my voice as I folded my arms over my chest defensively. "I mean, aren't we happy? Aren't we happy how we are now? We live together, we share a bed, we just opened a business together…we already live like we're married, so what would change just because we get married?" I argued and Peeta rubbed the back of his head in annoyance and stood. He turned to face me with his hands on his hips.

"Exactly Katniss! What would change, so why not just do it?!" he said angrily and paced in front of me. "Why are you so afraid to marry me? Don't you love me enough to want to be my wife?" He asked slowly. I knew it was something that haunted him since his hijacking so I should have been more understanding, but my fears of marriage went much deeper than even I could logically explain.

"Of course I love you, don't you ever say that again!" I said standing up and getting in his face a little. "I love you so much that the idea of marrying you terrifies me." I growled and felt hot tears pricking my eyes. "I love you…I love you like my mother loved my father…" I said, my voice cracking. "And she nearly died _herself_ after he was killed in the mines!" I yelled dropping back down onto the stoop and covering my eyes as I sobbed.

I assumed Peeta would be at my side in a second and when he wasn't I peeked through my hands to find him not standing in front of me anymore. I glanced around quickly, turning my head when I heard the bell over the bakery door jingle behind me. In the window of the door just beyond the CLOSED sign, I could see Peeta's downturned head and closed eyes. I stood and realized he was gripping the push bar on the inside of the door so hard it looked like he could almost rip it off.

"Oh no, Peeta! No!" I cried and ran to the door, trying to pull on the handle. He'd locked it. "Peeta! Not real! It's not real Peeta, I do love you!" I cried pounding on the door. I was reaching for the handle again when Haymitch's strong arms came up around me and pulled me back off of the stoop onto the street.

"What the hell happened?" He asked with a stricken look that told me he too had started to think that perhaps the days of hijacking episodes were over with it being months since his last one. I shook my head, unable to explain and turned in his arms so that he could hold me. When I couldn't have Peeta during times like this, Haymitch was still the only person whose comfort I wanted.

"Take her home Haymitch!" Peeta screamed through the door in that voice. That horrible voice we only ever heard from what we'd taken to calling the 'bad Peeta'. I sobbed into Haymitch's chest as he turned me away from the bakery and started walking me back home.

He didn't talk on the way and I appreciated that. He knew I would talk when I was ready and I certainly wasn't ready right then. How could I have been so stupid? I knew that even the smallest things could set off an episode for Peeta, but since most of my own trauma was wrapped up in nightmares of losing those I loved, his proposal had set off an episode of sorts for me as well. No one knew what I went through that first year after my father died. Not only had I lost a loving father and with him, our main source of food, but the depression my mother fell into after his death had left me feeling like an orphan.

I watched my little sister waste away and knew it was only a matter of time before she would be lost to starvation. My mother was the same way, refusing what food I could find most days and spending her time staring into space like a corpse herself. It was the most terrifying time of my life. Scarier than either of the Games I had lived through.

The next thing I knew, Haymitch was putting me to bed in my house. I sniffled, rubbing the sleeve of my long t-shirt under my eyes and nose as he petted my hair like a child. He didn't ask me what had happened, just sat there quietly until I was ready to let him know on my own.

"He asked me to m-marry him." I managed to croak out. Haymitch watched me for a long moment and then dropped his eyes to the floor with a sigh but kept stroking my head.

"I hope this wasn't his reaction to you accepting his proposal." He tried to joke and I cut my eyes at him with what I hoped was a look that adequately communicated 'fuck you'.

"Sorry, not funny." Haymitch mumbled clearing his throat. He turned on the small lamp by my side of the bed and opened the window a crack like it would have been if Peeta was here. He settled into the chair by the bedside, obviously preparing himself to stay there for the night. I appreciated the gesture but really just wanted to be left alone with my self-pity.

"You don't have to stay here, Haymitch. I'm fine." I lied and pulled the covers up over my head. "Can you go back and check on Peeta though please?" I said through the blankets. Even without seeing him I could tell he was annoyed that I was sending him away but to his credit, he didn't make mention of it. He did however, stop in the doorway and ask me one more question.

"Not that it's any of my business, but…would it really be so terrible to marry the boy, Sweetheart?" He asked quietly. "Because I think it'd do both of you a world of good. Something tangible for Peeta to hold onto when he has doubts about you. Something for him to take out of a box and read that says in black and white that the two of you are bound to each other by more than just those fluffy words you pass back and forth between you in bed."

I tried to remain as still as possible, hoping he would think I had fallen asleep but Haymitch knew me better than that. He knew I was still listening intently through the covers. I sniffed again and heard Haymitch reaching for the door to pull it closed behind him.

"Who knows, maybe that's what Peeta was thinking too when he asked you." And with that, he closed the door and left. I tossed the covers off of my head with a huff and glared at the door.

I hated to admit that Haymitch was probably onto something with his little speech, but it made sense. Having never married himself, perhaps he also had a better idea of where I was coming from than I cared to admit. Did I want to spend the rest of my life with Peeta? Of course I did. I just didn't feel like I needed the government's approval to do so. I had spent so much of my life acting outside of the law; hunting in the forest, trading in the Hob, defying the Capitol with those damned berries. It just seemed natural that I would want them to keep their nose out of my love life too after they had already spent nearly 2 years with their whole freakin' head in it.

I was too upset to think anymore about it that night and so I pulled off my clothes and scooted over to Peeta's side of the bed, wrapping my arms around his pillow. Even with as exhausted as I was, it still took a few hours for my mind to shut down enough to let me sleep, especially without Peeta there to hold me and keep the nightmares at bay. When I finally did fall asleep, it was never soundly.

Nightmares of Peeta being taken from the arena in the Quarter Quell and worse, of his torture in the Capitol were the rotating themes that night. The one that woke me up though was the most terrifying of all; Peeta looking disappointedly over his shoulder at me before walking onto a train that would take him away from District 12 and me forever. In the dream, I ran to our bakery only to find it locked with a for sale sign on the front. Next I went to his Victor house to find it empty of everything that made it Peeta's. No paintings on the wall, windows and draperies shut tight, and only a lingering smell of fresh baked bread. The last thing I remembered in the dream was falling to the floor, sobbing and alone.

I woke with a start, sitting straight up in bed and breathing like I'd just left the bloodbath at the cornucopia. Peeta was sitting in the chair Haymitch had been in the night before just looking at me. I held the blankets to my chest trying to calm my breathing and looked around the room. His shoes were by the bedroom door where he always left them and his coat was thrown across the bottom of the bed. He clearly hadn't been here long. I glanced at the clock on the nightstand, reading that it was only a little after 6 in the morning. The red X was on the nightstand beside the clock, signaling to me that Peeta had returned from that dark place of mental capture.

Peeta looked like himself but he had sad expression on his face that I almost wished he was still having an episode. Almost.

"Hey." I said scooting over to my side of the bed and pulling the covers back for him to join me as a means of apology. Peeta glanced at the place where he usually slept and took a deep breath in through his nose and blew it out through his mouth.

"I want to marry you Katniss." He said leaning back in the chair and pulling his good leg up onto it with his foot flat on the seat. His prosthetic he stretched out to rest on the edge of the mattress and I almost reached out to tug on the ankle of his pants to try and get him to come closer to me. I could tell by his expression that it wouldn't be a good idea.

"I know you do." I said softly and sat up against the headboard with the blankets tucked under my armpits. I tented my legs and leaned forward a little to rest my folded arms on my knee, resting my chin on top of them.

"Is it really because of how your mom was after your dad died? Is it because if you marry me, than that means something terrible will happen to take me away from you and your heart won't be able to take it. Is that true?" he asked looking at me again, searching my face carefully for any trace of deception. I had said it to him last night in the heat of our argument, but he clearly needed to hear it again. while looking me in the eyes.

I weighed my answer carefully, trying to decide which would be the more painful option. Lying and losing his trust, or telling the truth and exposing one of my biggest weaknesses. Losing his trust seemed like the worst case scenario and the answer just fell from my lips.

"Yes. Well…that's a lot of it." I admitted and Peeta nodded and stared our the window for a few quiet beats. The clock on the wall ticked away nearly 30 seconds before he responded.

"Well while you're thinking about all of your reasons not to marry me because you had a really shitty year after your dad died…" he said trying not to sound bitter and failing for the most part. He turned his gaze back to me with one of those soul-searching looks I'd always found so uncomfortable from him and continued. "…try to remember what it was that turned your circumstances around and reminded you that there was still good in this world worth living for." He mumbled and looked back towards the window.

I felt tears welling in my eyes as I replayed that day in the rain when he'd thrown me the burnt bread in my head. I could never forget it. It was as much a part of me as my height or the color of my eyes. "I do remember." I whispered and slid from the bed in just the panties and bra I'd stripped down to the night before and moved over to the chair where I crouched down and took Peeta's cheek, making him look at me.

"It was a boy who burnt a loaf of bread on purpose…because he'd been in love with me since the first time he saw me when we were five. A boy who took a pretty impressive strike across the face from his mother for it but still looked at me, starved and soaking in the rain, like he would do it all over again." I stroked his cheek and he leaned into my touch just the slightest bit.

"A boy who the thought of losing nearly makes my heart stop just like his did when he slashed a knife through an electrified force field in the Quarter Quell." I admitted and Peeta's eyes welled up with unshed tears of his own.

"Then marry me, Katniss." He asked again and took my hand in both of his. "Marry me and you'll know that you have me forever." He begged and kissed my knuckles. I couldn't answer him, I only bowed my head in answer, not able to look him in the eyes.

Peeta groaned and dropped my hand to wipe his eyes, letting out a shuddering breath as he stood from the chair and pulled his shirt over his head, climbing into bed and reaching for me. I knew he was still upset that I hadn't been able to give him an answer again, but the dark circles under his eyes told me he'd had just as restless a night as I had without him.

"I'm not going to stop asking you." He said with enough petulance that I chuckled softly through my tears as I curled up in his arms to finally sleep.

"I know you're not. And maybe one of these days I'll be brave enough to say yes when you do." I said kissing his neck gently before tucking my head under his chin and closing my eyes.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Peeta only sulked about my turning his marriage proposal down for about a week before he let it go…for the time being. I knew he was genuinely hurt by it because he was stingy with physical affection for several days afterward. He still held me at night when we went to bed, but he'd been very physically affectionate with me since we'd been living together. Pulling me onto his lap on the couch at night while we watched television or worked on the memory book, always touching my arm or placing a hand on my back when he squeezed past me at the fridge or when we were cleaning up after meals. He rarely even kissed me good morning or good night that week.

I finally had to be the one to initiate contact, climbing into his lap like a child while he painted one night in his studio. I wrapped my arms around his neck as I sat sideways across his thighs on his painting stool. Peeta had stiffened at first but when I scratched the fingers of one hand through his hair lovingly, he leaned into my touch instead of away like I'd been expecting.

It wasn't my finest moment as a strong, independent woman, but I dropped my chin, stuck out my bottom lip, and threw the big eyes in for good measure. "Gimme a hug." I pouted and Peeta couldn't stop the smile curling his lips.

He sighed dramatically and dropped his paintbrush onto the lip of the easel before wrapping his arms around my waist lightly. I made the eyes and lip more cartoonish and he started chuckling softly and hugged me tightly like I'd wanted.

"Have you no shame woman?" he growled playfully into my neck and smacked a kiss there. I giggled and pulled back to look into his face. He was smiling but there was still that hint of hurt in his eyes.

I stroked my fingers through his hair again and leaned in to kiss his lips gently, smiling when he responded with more enthusiasm than he had since the Harvest Festival. "Nope, no shame at all." I whispered when our lips parted. "Falling in love with you has made me very selfish in some ways." I said stroking his cheek with my pointer finger, stopping it at his chin and stroking the little cleft there.

Peeta smiled and pulled me closer into his arms, kissing me deeper. "You love me…" he murmured against my lips. "Real or not real?" I smiled and tightened my arms around his upper body, rubbing his back as I moved my mouth to his closest ear to make sure he couldn't possibly mishear my answer.

"Real, Peeta. Absolutely real." I whispered and nipped at his earlobe lightly. Peeta moaned and stood from the stool in the same breath, carrying me to our bedroom and proceeding to show me just how much he forgave me.

The next time the X hung on the door, it wasn't in our home or even in District 12. It was in the Capitol itself.

It was about a month before the first anniversary of the rebels' victory when I received a phone call from Plutarch Heavensbee regarding the upcoming holiday to celebrate. I think he was a little hurt that I didn't sound more excited to hear from him, but I found it difficult to feel festive when the day the Capitol fell happened to be the same day my little sister was blown to bits.

Plutarch waved off my objections as only someone raised in the Capitol all of their life could when he pleaded with me to come back to the Capitol for the holiday. Peeta and I, as the poster children for the rebellion that led to our country's freedom, were to be among the honored guests they wanted to parade around to various social events being held to celebrate.

I was on the phone with Plutarch the night he called, insisting to him that Peeta and I preferred to just be left alone after all we'd been through, when Peeta walked in the door from work, a smile on his face and a little cake he'd obviously baked just for our dessert in one hand. He held it up to me with raised eyebrows and a smile and I tried for a grin but it just came out as a grimace.

_Who is it?_ He mouthed and I held up a finger asking him to hold on and then pointed towards the study. Before he could question me any further or listen in on the conversation, I ducked out of the kitchen and into the study, shutting the door behind me as I went.

I waited until I heard Peeta knocking around in the kitchen finishing up dinner for us before I resumed my conversation with Plutarch.

"Seriously, Plutarch…" I hissed and sat down in the big fireside chair farthest from the door. "I know _I _don't want to come, so do you really think Peeta, who spent weeks and weeks in the Capitol being _tortured_ is going to be any more open to the idea?!" I couldn't believe that the new government thought this was not only a great idea, but something we'd be willing to do without a second thought. I wondered how many other of the remaining victors were being tapped to attend and made a mental note to call Annie Odair as soon as I could.

"Now, now Katniss…" Plutarch answered, sounding like he was trying to placate a small child. That certainly wasn't earning him any points. "You've been away for quite some time…we've done loads of remodeling to the Capitol city, you'd hardly recognize it anymore!" He said brightly as if that should make all the difference in the world. I was about to reply with some sarcastic retort about how we would definitely come then if that was the case, but something told me sarcasm was probably mostly lost on the Capitol-born.

"I'm sorry, we can't…I wish I could help you after everything you've done for Peeta and for me…but it…it's just too much, Plutarch." I whispered and hung up the phone.

I had to take a few minutes to calm myself down before I went back to the kitchen. I couldn't very well lie to Peeta about who was on the phone, but telling him the truth didn't seem like any better of an idea. It was bad enough that Peeta and I both woke up a few nights a week from some Capitol related nightmare, now they wanted to send us right back into the real thing. I shuddered and pressed the phone receiver to my forehead, trying to get my own demons on the subject under control.

I was just standing to leave the study when the door opened and Peeta stuck his head in quietly, expecting that I was still on the phone. When he saw the receiver dangling at my side his brow furrowed and he opened the door all the way.

"Who was that?" he asked holding his arm across the doorway so that I had to walk under his arm to get out of the study. It was a trick he'd taken to using more and more when he wanted me to tell him something. I ducked under his arm with a shrug.

"Plutarch." I said trying for casual as I dropped the phone on the kitchen island and went back to the stove. I opened the door to the oven and pulled out the chicken I made for us. As I turned around to carry it to the table, Peeta turned from the fridge where he had just stuck the cake and cut a suspicious glance my way.

"Really? What'd he want?" he asked as he walked over to join me at the table. "Oh, 'hi' by the way." He said with a smile that melted my heart as he leaned over to smack a quick kiss on my lips. It made me want to tell him about the phone call even less.

I shrugged and dished out the chicken as Peeta spooned rice onto both of our plates and reached for the tongs in the salad bowl. "Just to invite us to some…big to-do for the first anniversary of the rebellion," I said with a wave of my hand, not looking up from my plate as I cut my meat. "I told him we weren't interested."

I kept my eyes down, letting Peeta absorb the news in his own time and respond accordingly. I was just reaching for the butter for my rice when he finally spoke in such a soft voice that I almost couldn't hear him. "In…in the Capitol?" he asked and I finally looked over at him. His hands were folded in his lap, his shoulders hunched forward and he was looking into space in the same way I did back in school when I was trying to solve a really difficult math problem. His eyes shifted back and forth slowly and when I moved to reach a hand out to touch him, Peeta raised a hand suddenly and waved off my concern.

"No, no…it's alright, I'm okay to talk about it." He promised raising his eyes to mine finally. "So you told him no then?" he asked and I shrugged again, looking down at my plate and back to him. As my eyes moved to swing back towards my plate, I caught just a flicker of indecision in Peeta's eyes and my own widened.

"Are you kidding me?" I asked trying to keep my voice even. "Are you seriously considering going back there?" Keeping my voice even was becoming more and more difficult with each passing second. Peeta dropped his eyes embarrassedly and reached for his utensils, fumbling with them a little as he nervously lifted them from the table.

"I dunno…maybe we…maybe we should, Katniss." He mumbled as he began cutting his own chicken up. "Maybe facing it and seeing how things have changed there would be good for us. Maybe we'd be happier if we were able to see first hand that it's not the same Capitol we experienced all of those horrible things in." he suggested and I scoffed, cutting my chicken with a little more force than was probably necessary.

"Yeah, the part about it being where 'we experienced all of those horrible things' is my main concern here, Peeta." I argued and he reached over and placed a hand on top of mine gently to stop me from cutting.

"Easy Kat, it's already dead." He said with a sad smile and I dropped my fork and knife both to the plate with a clang and sat back angrily in my chair with my arms crossed.

"This isn't a joke, Peeta." I said with a frown and shook my head. "Why would you want to risk this?" I asked waving my hands around us indicating the life we were beginning to build together. "Why would you risk what we have now by going back there and possibly relapsing to the way you were when they hijacked you?" I said more loudly and Peeta dropped his own utensils with an even louder clang and pushed quickly away from the table and stood.

"Relapsing?!" he said with a humorless laugh and held his head between his hands for a moment like he was in pain. "Katniss, what do you call how I am _now_?" he asked sadly, his voice breaking on the _now_. I watched him angrily wipe at his eyes, blinking away the tears that were forming there.

"Peeta…" I said gently in the way I knew he hated, but I couldn't help it.

"Don't." he bit out through clenched teeth. "I hate it when you talk to me like a child Katniss." He said with a weary sigh and placed his palms flat on the table, looking only at his plate. "It may not always show and I may seem like I'm doing better these last several months, but I live with these…these _thoughts_ every day. Every. Day." He said cutting his eyes over at me. "I would have thought that the fucking wooden letter sitting upstairs in my dresser drawer made that clear enough for you to understand." He growled and ran a hand through his hair angrily.

I felt my cheeks redden at his use of profanity. Peeta didn't use language like that around me often so I knew he wanted me to know he was serious. "So…you want to go?" I asked weakly and felt tears rushing to my own eyes. "Back on a train like the ones we took to _both _Games we were in? Or the ones that took us on a victory tour through each district where we had to look into the eyes of the families of every child who died in the arena that we came out of alive?" I wiped at the tears stinging my eyes quickly as Peeta sat down in his chair with a huff.

"I don't know Katniss." He answered honestly and I could hear his voice softening slightly. "But I at least want the chance to think on it and make my own decision about whether I want to go or not." He said and reached tentatively for my hand which I gave to him willingly. "I know we're a couple now," Peeta said with a hint of a smile. "But I do have my own brain still." He teased and brought my hand to his lips, kissing my knuckles gently. "It may be partially scrambled, but it's still mine."

I rolled my eyes and leaned sideways in my chair so that I could kiss the top of his head soothingly. "I'm sorry. I'll call Plutarch in the morning and let him know we're thinking about it." I said turning back to my meal. "Either way, I think it should be one we make together. We either both go or neither of us goes. Together." I said squeezing his hand gently.

"Together." Peeta agreed and squeezed my hand back before we returned to our meal.

I called Plutarch in the morning as promised and told him to give us a few days to talk about it. He agreed, telling us to take as much time as we needed but he had to know for sure by the week's end. I got the sense from talking to a few of the other victors, and the tone that Plutarch used when he gave me the deadline, that the others were wavering as well and were likely to decide based on what Peeta and I chose to do about this celebration.

Peeta and I weighed the pros and cons one night from dinner time well into the wee hours of the next morning. We finally decided, with some provisions, that we would make the journey to the Capitol this one time with the stipulation that if either of us found we couldn't handle it anymore at any point in the visit, we would leave.

There was one major condition that I wasn't quite sure how we would work around, but I decided to leave it up to Plutarch to figure out once I called and gave him the news.

He was, of course, thrilled when I called at the end of the week and told him we were willing to give it a try.

"That's fantastic news, Katniss! Just wonderful!" he gushed excitedly on the other end of the phone.

"Well, don't get too excited yet." I grunted and took a deep breath before I went on. "We do have one very specific requirement if we're going to come out there."

"Oh certainly, anything you need." He assured me and I could hear the relief in his voice.

I decided it was best to get it out quickly, much like ripping off a bandage when it's no longer needed. "No train." I said shaking my head even though I knew he couldn't see the action. "Neither of us has the stomach for it. The last two times we were on a train out to the Capitol, we were going into the arena."

There was a long silence on the other end of the phone during which I assumed Plutarch was trying to cook up an alternative means of transportation. Hovercrafts were out of the question as most were in varying states of repair since being used in the war.

"I think we can handle that." He said and I could almost hear his smile on the other end. "I'll arrange for a car to be delivered to you and you can drive out yourselves. All of our vehicles are equipped with a guidance system that will steer you straight here step by step." He said brightly. "It's a beautiful drive and it might give you two some time to talk. I hear you've been quite busy with the new bakery you've built together there in 12, I'm sure you could use some catching up." He said.

I frowned and rolled my eyes, wondering if former Capitol citizens would be able to eventually learn the meaning of such words as 'logic' and 'practicality'. "That's all…well and good Plutarch but won't it take _days _for us to get there if we drive? And…and where would we sleep?" I asked and Plutarch chuckled.

"Yes, it will take several days and I assure you the vehicle I'll send will be equipped for reasonably comfortable sleeping." He said and I could still hear the smile in his voice. "You'll need someone out there to giving you a few driving lessons in the coming weeks as well."

"Okay, well…but how will we get there? We can't very well drive on the train rail…" I asked, confused about what exactly he had in mind.

"Oh, Katniss…" he said in a sing-song way that made me feel like a little child being scolded for believing in fairy tales. "I told you my dear, lots of work being done in the country since you've been back home in District 12…" he offered cryptically. "How well did you do in your history lessons when you were in school?" he asked in a leading way and I shrugged.

"Alright I guess…what does that have to do with our traveling to the Capitol though?" I asked and could almost hear his smile widening over the phone.

"Oh, plenty…" He said with another light laugh. "What do you know, my dear, about the term 'interstate highways'?"

_To be continued in Chapter 14..._


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Three weeks after I had called Plutarch to let him know we were going to come to the celebration, Peeta and I stood outside of our house, freezing our asses off as we packed a strange bullet-shaped contraption attached to the car Plutarch had sent for us to drive on our journey to the Capitol. He told us it was road-worthy, but I joked with Peeta that it looked more worthy of a can opener than a 4 day drive. That was how long the remote guidance system assured us (in an upbeat Capitol accent) the trip would be when we'd set it up the night before.

Gale's friend Thom had given us both rudimentary driving lessons in the weeks leading up to the trip and we both felt secure enough in our abilities to make it without much trouble. Haymitch had offered to go with us in the car, but really he was just worried about Peeta having an episode while we were on the road and there was no one there to protect me.

We didn't necessarily blow off his concerns, but Peeta told him it was too cold to have him sleep in the car while we took the bed in the trailer and he sure as Hell wasn't going to let Haymitch curl up in between the two of us at night. He didn't like it, but he agreed and was sitting on his porch watching us pack up the morning we left. He would be taking the train to the Capitol celebration but it wasn't set to roll into town for 2 more days.

Peeta turned away from the trailer after placing the last of our luggage and food we'd need for meals on the road inside. He walked up beside me where I stood watching Haymitch pouting on his porch, making sure he was looking anywhere but at the two of us.

"Aw man," Peeta laughed wrapping his arms around me over my heavy winter coat and pressing his lips to my ear. "He looks like a sad little puppy we're abandoning on a doorstep." He said shaking his head. "Come on, let's go say good-bye and get on the road." He said and released me so that we could both walk over to Haymitch's.

I climbed up the front of his porch to hang over the railing and Haymitch startled when I suddenly appeared in front of him. "Miss me yet?" I said with an animated grin and Haymitch rolled his eyes as Peeta climbed up beside me, hanging his top half over the rail like a child too.

"Can't very well miss you when you're still here, trampling over my flower garden like the poor-mannered brats I know you to be." He quipped and Peeta and I cut our eyes at one another at the same time and laughed.

"It's cute how he hides his affection for us with that general grumpiness." Peeta whispered to me and Haymitch tossed a frosty chair cushion at him which he deflected with a laugh.

"You know talking about me like I'm not sitting right here in front of you doesn't, in fact, help your case any." He grumbled as we hopped over the railing. We both plopped down on the bench he was sitting on, sandwiching Haymitch between us.

Haymitch harrumphed and folded his arms to make sure he wasn't touching either of us as we leaned into him. Childish, but affective in offending us just the right amount.

"Hey! Don't be such a grump! You're not going to see us for almost a week." I said reaching across my body to pat him hard on the chest. He pushed my hand away and crossed his arms.

"Now stop all this silly nonsense and listen to me." Haymitch sat up straighter and nudged each of us to sit up next to him so that he could glance back and forth between our faces. "You be careful driving that thing." He said nodding towards the car and trailer in the road. "Vehicles are nothing to play around with, and when you get tired, you stop and you sleep. Don't go trying to rush out there and end up wrecking somewhere along the way." He lectured.

"Yes, sir." We both said with a grin and Haymitch rolled his eyes. Peeta and I smiled at each other again. Despite the fact that we were going to be on our way to the Capitol, there was something exciting about taking such a long trip. Just the two of us together on the road, seeing the sights of the various districts we'd be driving through.

"Alright, well if you think of it, give me a call when you get there. Let me know how the drive was." He was trying for gruff, but I could hear underneath that he really did want to know that we were there safely.

"Sure, as soon as we get there you'll be our first call." I said with a chuckle and turned to look at him. I was so surprised by the sad look in his eyes that before I could stop myself, I leaned over and wrapped my arms around his shoulders, hugging him tightly. "See you in a few days." I whispered and gave him a quick peck on the cheek before I stood and hopped back over the railing, ambling over to wait by the car for Peeta. I watched as he and Haymitch both stood and embraced quickly. I smiled sadly as I watched Haymitch reach up and pat the back of Peeta's head before they parted.

He followed behind a moment later and climbed in the driver's side to take the first shift as we'd agreed upon. "You ready?" he asked reaching over to hold my hand when I climbed in on the passenger's side. I suddenly realized, looking over at Peeta, that as young as we were, I had already had more important life experiences than I could count on two hands with this boy.

I leaned over and placed a soft kiss on his lips which he not only returned, but deepened. "Definitely." I whispered when we pulled away. I smiled into his eyes and turned my head to look out my window when I saw Peeta's eyes slide over to Haymitch's porch again. He was still sitting on the bench, wrapped up and watching us but pretending he wasn't. We both threw him a wave which he returned after a few moments along with a soft smile. When we smiled back he waved again but in a shooing motion this time and Peeta chuckled and turned around in his seat to start the car.

I watched him, making sure I remembered how to start the ignition and put the car in gear to drive. Peeta seemed to have the hang of it as he pushed down on the gas and we were off.

"Good thing driving a car is a right-footed activity." He joked when we were about 5 miles down the road. I smiled and turned in my seat to face him a little better. I watched Peeta, sitting comfortably in the drivers seat, both hands on the wheel and his eyes on the road ahead. It sometimes annoyed me how comfortable he was able to find himself in almost any situation when I saw myself as awkward at best during even the most mundane of activities.

"Did you ever drive a car before our lessons?" I asked and Peeta shook his head and continued to watch the road ahead of us.

"My brother's and my dad drove the supply truck to the train and back and used it for deliveries sometimes." He said softly and I saw a sad smile stretch across his face. "My brothers used to fight over who got to drive it. They'd harass me relentlessly about not being able to drive yet but to be honest, I didn't really care." He laughed and glanced over at me. "I was happy enough to sit in the back room and decorate cookies and cakes all day. I'm not real competitive if you hadn't noticed." He grinned playfully and I laughed thinking of his trying to die to let me go home in the first Games and then Finnick's remarks in the second about Peeta being the only one in the Quell who was a victor by chance.

"As a matter of fact, I _did_ notice that." I teased and leaned back in my seat trying to get comfortable. "Did you get along with them? Your brothers I mean." I asked and Peeta's face fell a little. "I'm…I'm sorry, Peeta. We don't have to talk about.." I started to apologize when he shook his head.

"No, no it's okay." He said reaching over for my hand with one of his, the other he kept on the wheel to steer with. "I should talk about them." He said quietly and took a deep breath. "I…don't know why I haven't before now." He whispered with a hint of shame in his voice. "I guess it was just too hard before and with the things they put in my head during my hijacking about you…and trying to make me think you were responsible for what happened to my family…" he trailed off with a shrug and then cleared his throat and squeezed my hand once before returning both of his to the wheel.

"Part of being in a relationship is sharing feelings, and memories, and stories about our families." He said with a small smile. "Maybe that's what we can do while we're driving." He offered. "I know about your school life because well…you didn't really seem to have much of one." He chuckled and I smirked at him. "And I'm _starting _to know about your life in the woods hunting with Gale." He tried to say it casually, but there was a little bit of an underlying edge to his voice that I realized might always be there when Gale's name came up. "I don't know much about your family except for what I experienced myself hanging out at your house before the Quell. I know the story about Prim's goat and I know that when your father sang, even the birds stopped to listen which is a talent he passed on…" he said gesturing to me with a loving smile. "But tell me more, I want to know as much as I can about what you came from, Katniss." He said sounding genuinely interested. "I know as a Town and a Seam kid growing up, we had particular ideas about how the other lived, but I want to know what it was really like for you. I want to know everything about you. Especially the things I've forgotten or think I've forgotten because of…because of what they did to me."

He said it so passionately and with that genuine interest that so defined him (and still does), that everything just began to flow.

I told him about the first time my father took me into the woods as a child. How afraid I'd been at first, knowing from school and our frightened neighbors that going into the forest was strictly forbidden. I explained to him how I'd begged my father not to take me with him at first, insisting that some horrible wild animal would attack us if we did and how my father explained to me that there wasn't anything in the forest the Capitol wanted to protect us from. That it was what they wanted to keep _inside_ the fence they feared the most; us. I didn't understand at first because I was such a young child.

As I spent more and more time in the woods with my father, learning to use a bow, gathering plants and herbs my mother needed for healing the sick, helping him to feed our family without depending on the government for everything, it started to make sense to me. Without that complete dependence on the Capitol for everything, came a sense of freedom and self-worth and with that freedom and self-worth came a new and unfamiliar word; rights. Rights that should have belonged to every citizen but did not because of the power the Capitol held over every aspect of our lives.

Peeta listened as he drove, occasionally commenting on ways the Capitol controlled the merchant class as well. Taxing their businesses, their supplies, the ingredients that came in on the trains from other districts. It helped to give me some insight of my own into the difficulties the people in town faced.

I already had my opinion of those in the town changed in the first games when Peeta told me that most of what they ate was stale leftovers from the bakery. Before the Games, I had always assumed that the merchants lived a superior life to those of us in the Seam, but hearing that from Peeta was both surprising and enlightening.

Nobody's life was easy under the reign of the Capitol.

The conversation was awkward and stunted at first, but by the time we had burned through the car snacks for the day and needed to stop and sleep for the night, we had learned more about each other in that seven hours driving than we had in our whole lives growing up in 12 together.

"I'm going to go check how well that little stove in the trailer works and see if I can make us something hot for dinner." I said pulling my coat around my body better as I climbed out of the car.

Peeta nodded and climbed out too, saying that he was going to stretch his legs.

"Hey, Peeta?" I said and he turned from where he was walking toward the tree line around the rest area we'd stopped at. "Thanks…I mean, for what we talked about today." I said shyly and shrugged my shoulders. "It was nice to hear where you came from too and…I dunno, I guess I just feel…closer to you now." I said quietly and hoped he could hear me over the icy wind that had begun to pick up.

Peeta stood there motionless for a moment and then that goofy smile I had started to associate with his inner five-year-old self appeared. He strode back over to me, stopping when he was only inches from my face.

"I know, I feel it too." He said quietly and lifted his eyes to mine before he leaned in and kissed me slowly. I reached up and gripped the sides of his jacket at his ribs and held him close. When we pulled away, he held the car keys up between us.

I took the keys from him with a smile and walked around to the back of the car where the trailer was hitched as Peeta headed off into the woods to look around.

The trailer still looked like a big silver bullet to me, but I guessed it would do for keeping us out of the elements while we slept.

The sun was just beginning to set as I opened the door and stepped inside, flipping on a light hanging in the middle of the room. It was a small space and not an inch of it was wasted. A small double bed took up most of the back of the trailer with a small bathroom to one side of the foot of the bed and a little bench seat and a table for eating beside it. On the other side of the bed was a small kitchen space with stove top, oven, small refrigerator, and a sink. There were plenty of windows which I knew Peeta was happy about. One skylight over the bed and then two double windows with blinds over both the kitchen space and the seating area.

I walked over to the bed and opened the drawers underneath which Peeta and I had stocked with clothes for the trip, and pulled out a pair of Peeta's sweats and a flannel shirt of my own that buttoned up the front. Something told me that even with the heat on, this might be a chilly night spent in the trailer. I turned on the heat and set the stove to warm up before I changed quickly into my nightclothes and used the bathroom.

I was just putting a small roast into the oven to reheat when Peeta stomped in the door, huffing and puffing and rubbing his hands together from the cold.

"Fuck, it's freezing out!" he laughed and pulled the door shut tight, locking it behind him.

"That tends to happen in the winter genius." I teased as I started some water boiling on the stovetop for vegetables. Before I could even turn my head to catch his response, Peeta was right beside me, grabbing me and sticking his ice cold hands up the back of my flannel shirt.

I screamed and grabbed onto his wrists, trying to push them away with very little luck as he laughed and pushed me towards the back of the trailer. We toppled onto the bed in a screeching, squirming heap.

"Alright! Alright! Stop it!" I screeched through peals of laughter and Peeta pulled his hands back and propped himself up on his elbows from where he lay on top of me. It was a little better with his ice block hands not touching my skin directly, but his whole body stretched out on me was still pretty chilly.

"Get off! You're whole body feels like walking into the big freezer in the bakery!" I begged and Peeta leaned down and kissed me with frosty lips, making sure to dig his chilly red nose into my cheek. I swatted his shoulder and he finally relented, rolling off of me onto his back.

"No more making fun of me then." He smirked and I put my hand over my heart and turned my head to look at him.

"Promise." I said seriously and then smiled sweetly. "Well, at least until tomorrow." I said with a grin and he flipped over, his hands grabbing at my hips again as I kicked and tried to roll away from him. " No stop! I'll behave!" I squealed and Peeta gave me a look of warning before rolling onto his back again. "Come on! Get changed, dinner will be ready soon." I said pulling away from him and climbing off of the bed.

I was almost finished with the vegetables before he finally climbed from the bed and started pulling off his clothes. "So you really liked talking like that today?" I asked curiously and Peeta nodded vehemently as he threw his clothing from the day in a pile and pulled on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt for bed.

He moved over to lean against the small counter beside me and looked down at the floor in that nervous way he sometimes did when he thought of 'unattainable Katniss Everdeen from the Seam, who hunted in the forbidden woods and traded at the Hob with adults'. "I always thought you were amazing before I'd ever spoken to you, so I knew you had to have come from an amazing family with an amazing guy for a dad." He said with a nervous laugh. "It was nice to have my suspicions confirmed today."

I was past being embarrassed by the way Peeta had idolized me since he was a child. It was as much a part of him as his eye color. If I was honest, by this point in our developing adult relationship, it was kind of a turn on that he saw me as such a strong, independent woman and found that attractive rather than intimidating.

I nodded with a little smile and turned off the stove before moving over to loop my arms around his waist. "Just like it was nice for me to have always known that the popular baker's son who was always surrounded by a crowd of friends in school, was the type of kindhearted boy who would take a beating to feed a poor, starving little girl from slums of his district." I said reaching up to kiss him deeply.

We held each other, necking against the counter for a few minutes until the timer on the oven broke the spell of that moment. "Mmm…" Peeta groaned as he pulled back and cast an angry glare at the offending appliance. "…just when things were getting interesting." He teased and tugged me a little closer to him, just close enough to feel how interesting things were getting to him.

I felt a little thrill run up my spine, never tiring of the effect I seemed to have on him. "They can still be interesting after we eat." I whispered and leaned up to kiss him one more time before going to take the roast out.

Peeta set the table and was grabbing some bottled water for each of us from the fridge when he made a noise of surprise and pulled back his hand with a large bottle grasped in it. "Oh boy." He chuckled and turned to set the bottle on the table so that I could see it.

"What? What is it?" I asked walking over with the roast and placing it in the middle of the table. Peeta just pointed at a note I hadn't noticed was attached to the bottle and I turned it toward me to read.

_Relax and enjoy, but don't you dare drive a foot after drinking this.-H_

I grinned and lifted the bottle of fine wine to look it over. "He _does_ love us after all." I said with a dreamy sigh and handed it to Peeta. "Will you do the honors?" I asked and he chuckled as he took it in both hands and aimed the top of the bottle toward the door. It only took a moment for him to get under it and the cork shot across the little room with a _pop!_

"Very nice, Haymitch." Peeta chuckled and grabbed two wine glasses from the small cupboard. He placed them on the table and poured us each half a glass and set the bottle down in the middle of the table for later.

We both sat down together on the bench seat attached to the wall and filled our plates. I hadn't realized how hungry I was until the food was right there in front of me. We chatted amicably about the drive and discussed what the plan for the next day was, sipping wine and scooting closer together. By the time we finished eating and our bellies were full, Peeta had turned to lean against the wall beside the bench with his feet out straight across the seat and me sitting between his legs as I lay back against his chest. We each still had our glasses of wine and were sipping them as we continued to talk.

Haymitch had chosen a very nice bottle of wine, indeed.

I was reminiscing about the time Haymitch interrupted us the first day we had rediscovered our sexual attraction to each other when Peeta laughed and kissed my neck.

"I was soooo worried you were going to turn over and punch me." He whispered, thinking about that afternoon when we had woken up snuggled tightly together and began something that Haymitch's bellowing for a meal had quickly ended. "I still wasn't completely sure that you ever really even…felt that way about me." He admitted quietly and I turned my head to look up into his face.

"I'm sorry you ever doubted that…" I started and then turned over so that I was straddling his lap and smiled softly. "You know, I as much as _told_ everyone at the dinner table in the first games that first night after training and you were totally oblivious." I said proudly and Peeta's eyes narrowed as he tried to think of that night.

"What? When?" He asked wrapping his arms loosely around me and stroking his hands up and down my back.

I grinned, proud of myself for having been able to share this memory with him. "Don't you remember? When you told Haymitch about the squirrels I brought to your dad and how I shot them all through the eye…" I said leadingly.

"I'm pretty sure that only shows that _I _have always been attracted to…and kind of creepily watching…_you_." He teased and I chuckled and shook my head.

"No, no…I'm talking about when I told Haymitch about _your_ strengths." I said trying to gently stir up the memory for him. It hurt my heart to watch him trying to remember. I could almost see him sorting through all of the horrors in his mind, searching for the memory of that night at the dinner table. "I told him that you were strong and that I had seen you throw a hundred pound bag of flower right over your head…" I whispered, leaning back from him a little and stroking my hands down those strong arms from his shoulders to his wrists.

"And I told him how you placed second in wrestling in the school…" I said bringing one of his hands up to my face and kissing the inner part of the wrist gently. I smiled when Peeta moaned softly and shifted his hips. "I always thought you looked kinda cute in that wrestling leotard." I chuckled and kissed my way up the inner part of his forearm until I hit the bend in his elbow where I stuck my tongue out to gently touch the skin there.

I heard the breath catch in Peeta's throat and he instinctively dropped his hands to my hips, pulling me flush against him. Clearly his interest from before dinner hadn't waned any even after a full belly and half a bottle of wine.

"I wish I still had that, I'd parade around the house in it whenever I was feeling frisky." He laughed and brought his lips down onto my neck, kissing slowly up to my ear.

I moaned softly and slid my hands up into his hair, turning his head so that our lips met. "So that'd be…every day then?" I laughed back and Peeta laughed harder and reached for the buttons on my flannel shirt, gently slipping them free of the fabric as he moved his hands from my throat to my navel.

"Pretty much." He whispered slipping his hands inside the open shirt. He held onto my bare waist and kissed his way down my neck to my chest. "Mmm…no bra…good thinking." He murmured and wrapped his lips around one nipple, pulling it into his mouth and sending a hot stab of need straight to my center.

"Bed." I gasped, fisting my hands in his hair. Peeta grunted in agreement and released me long enough to let me hop off of his lap and help him up from the cramped bench seat. He grabbed me in the middle of the tiny room and we kissed passionately for a few moments before starting to shuffle back towards the bed.

"Mmm…Peeta," I said between kisses as he brought his hands up between us to massage my breasts. "I love you…and I'd sincerely love nothing more than to get naked with you right now…" I murmured between searing kisses. "But it is _freezing_ outside and not a whole lot better in here…" I stopped when Peeta cut me off with a kiss and a whispered promise.

"I'll keep you plenty warm, Katniss. Don't worry about that." He said it with a shuddering, needy breath that would have had me letting him take me outside on the cold ground if he'd wanted to. I pulled back and looked into his intense blue gaze and nodded quickly before pulling him over to the bed with me.

We fell back onto the mattress with an 'oof' from each of us followed by peals of laughter as we crawled under the covers together and Peeta pulled them up over our heads.

"Hey." He grinned as he reached out and pushed the open flannel shirt off of my shoulders, leaving it on the bed behind me.

"Hey." I smiled back and reached behind him for the hem of his t-shirt, tugging it up and over his head and leaving it between us on the mattress. We were left wearing matching sweatpants as I had grabbed a pair of Peeta's and pulled them on for bed.

Peeta raised his eyebrows as he looked down between us in the dim light under the blankets. "They look way better on you." He said reaching out with one hand to trace the waist of the pants I was wearing with a finger tip from one hip to the other. "I used to imagine you wearing one of my t-shirts or a baggy pair of my sweats like this…" he blurted out suddenly and I pulled the covers off of our heads and raised my eyebrows.

"You did, did you?" I said with a sly smile sneaking to my face. "And when was this?" I asked propping my head up on one arm. I could tell he immediately regretted what he said because his cheeks pinked and he wouldn't look at me as he squirmed around and rolled onto his back, looking up through the skylight when his head popped out the top of the covers.

"I dunno…forget I said anything." He groaned and threw an arm over his face to hide his embarrassment. I leaned over and grabbed his arm, pulling it away and making him look at me.

"Hey! I'm not making fun of you, I'm just…curious I guess…do you mean like, before or after we really met in the Games?" I asked and Peeta sighed and closed his eyes.

"Both." He said and grimaced, covering his eyes again. "Please don't make me talk about this…it's insanely embarrassing." He groaned again and pulled the covers over his face. I rolled my eyes and pulled my own head back under the covers with him.

"No it's not! I think it's kinda…hot actually." I admitted and rubbed my thighs together when I felt the slickness of my arousal building between them. "Did you have those kinds of thoughts about me a lot?" I asked reaching out to trace the waist of his sweats in the same way he'd done to me.

"Of course I did, Katniss! I've been in love with you my whole life, who else would I think about like that?" He asked exasperated and I bit back a moan as I slid my hand a little lower to touch him through his pants. He was already hard but stiffened even more when I wrapped my hand around him.

"Did you touch yourself like this and pretend it was me?" I asked and leaned forward to kiss across his chest gently as I continued to stroke him, adding my other hand and slipping both down the front of his sweats to touch him. I didn't know what had me so emboldened that night. Peeta was usually the more talkative one in bed but there was something about knowing he'd imagined us together even as a young teen, trying to be quiet in his bedroom over the bakery, that I found to be a gigantic turn on.

"Uh huh." He grunted and I felt him start to thrust into my hands as his eyes dropped closed. "Ahh…Katniss." He hissed and I pushed his sweats down to his feet and tugged them off gently. I was running my fingers over the latch on his prosthetic when one of his hands reached down to still both of mine.

I couldn't see his face, I was too far under the covers, but I looked up anyway. "What? What's wrong?" I whispered and Peeta tugged on my hands, pulling me back up so that we were face to face.

"Nothing, I just want to leave it on for now." He whispered and leaned in to kiss me. "Could…can I try something?" he asked nervously and I reached out to stroke his cheek.

"Sure…I think…" I chuckled and waited patiently for him to continue.

Peeta took a deep breath and rested a hand on my hip as we lay on our sides facing one another. "It's just something I heard my brother's talking about one night when they thought I was asleep." He mumbled and if possible, his cheeks grew redder. "My oldest brother, Leven…he was talking about him and his girlfriend and how they…they had sex this one night and he was behind her…" My eyes widened at the implication and Peeta laughed and quickly shook his head. "Not…not like that." He assured me and I let out the breath I was holding. "Just…from behind. He said it works best if you're both up on your knees."

I could tell just by looking into his face that he was terrified of how I was going to respond to his request. We had plenty of sex in the many months leading up to that night, but always in relatively the same way. We had figured out some things along the way with both of us being each other's first experience, but when it came to the actual act itself, we had kept things relatively simple.

Peeta was chewing on his bottom lip nervously when I looked back up into his eyes. I smiled and wrapped a hand around the back of his neck, pulling his lips down to mine and kissing him deeply. "Love you." I said pressing a kiss against his temple and squirming over to lie on top of him.

"Love you too, Katniss. So much." He gasped running his hands up and down my bare back a few times as we kissed and rubbed against one another.

I dropped my legs down on either side of his hips and began to lightly tease him through the sweatpants I was still wearing and Peeta moved his kisses to my neck and across my collarbones. I pressed my face into the pillow beside Peeta's head and moaned when one of his hands slipped under the front of my sweats and the other continued to stroke up and down my spine methodically.

I couldn't stop myself from bucking into his hand when he slipped first two then three fingers into me. "Wow, you're so ready…" Peeta grunted against my shoulder and I pulled my face back from the pillow and smiled.

"Maybe because that idea you had is sounding pretty good to me, too." I admitted and bit my own bottom lip bashfully, looking down at him as I continued to push my hips into his hand.

I could barely tell in the dim light beneath the covers, but I saw Peeta's eyes widen a bit and his fingers paused inside of me briefly. He nodded and removed his hand from between us, sliding it around to my back with his other hand.

"Sh…sure…but let's work up to it okay? No pressure." He smiled softly and cupped both hands around my backside, squeezing roughly as he pushed his hips up into mine. I nodded and rolled over onto my back, tugging Peeta with me so that he was on top of me. His hands, which were still on my backside but now pinned between me and the mattress, gripped the fabric of the sweats and tugged them down to my knees. I used my feet to push them down the rest of the way and left them at the bottom of the bed.

With nothing between us now, Peeta kissed his way down my body again and I felt a heightened sense of anticipation when his head disappeared beneath the covers as he passed my waist and brought his lips down onto me directly. I gripped the mattress and moaned over and over as he worked me with his mouth. Knowing that it was to make me more comfortable and relaxed for what we were about to do made it even better.

"Unh…Peeta." I groaned and reached down to grip his hair with one hand, moving the covers just off of my face so that I could breathe. He continued to use his tongue, adding his fingers along with it and the dual sensations pushed me quickly to the edge. When I squeezed his left shoulder, which was usually the signal that I was close and wanted him to stop, Peeta ignored me and instead quickened the pace of his tongue and fingers which sent me screaming into my orgasm.

I was lying panting and sweating, my arms and legs sprawled out on the bed when Peeta slipped back up beside me and popped his head out of the covers with a wicked grin.

"That was for the 'genius' crack when I first walked in from outside." He chuckled, kissing me deeply so that I could taste myself on his lips.

Still gasping for air, I laughed lightly with him. "If that's what you call a punishment, I'll be sure to make jokes at your expense more often." I said holding his face still so that I could kiss him back leisurely.

Peeta smiled against my lips and shook his head slowly as if I would never be able to stop surprising him, so I decided not to disappoint and surprised him again.

I kissed him once on the nose and slowly turned over underneath him so that I was lying on my stomach and Peeta was stretched out on my back. I turned my head and he kissed me over my shoulder with a few short, quick kisses. Peeta's way of saying 'thank you'.

"You're welcome, baby." I whispered and he moved my loose hair over to one side of my neck, bringing his lips down on the other side as he slipped a knee between my thighs from behind and ground his hips into my backside. I welcomed his touch, raising my ass against him, inviting him to take over.

Without a second though, Peeta climbed up onto his knees (which gave me a clue as to why he'd wanted me to leave his prosthetic on) and hooked an arm under me at my belly, tugging me up onto my hands and knees. He kissed his way up my spine to my neck and kissed my ear before nibbling on the lobe sensually. I moaned and reached back with one hand to grip his side, letting him know that I liked what he was doing so far.

"Yes…like that." I gasped and the hand he had on my belly slid slowly up my torso to cup one breast, kneading it for a few moments before moving to the other and doing the same. I pushed my hips back into his harder and felt Peeta's straining erection against my backside.

"You ready?" Peeta grunted beside my ear. When I nodded enthusiastically, he moved the hand that had been massaging my breasts to my sternum and guided me up just onto my knees and sat back on his heels. The chill of the room hit me like a wall and Peeta grabbed the blankets we had tossed aside, pulling them out from where they were tucked into the bed so that they were loose and swaddled the two of us in them together. He tucked the covers tightly at our armpits to keep them around us like I did with a bath towel so that we were warm and also basically trapped with his front to my back.

"Sit up a little." He said putting both hands on my hips over the blankets and lifting me off of his thighs where I had landed when we sat back together. I felt him lining his hips up and his tip poking at my center. I spread my knees apart so that they were on either side of his bent legs, our calves touching, and slowly, a little at a time sank down onto him.

The feeling was definitely different compared to how we usually had sex. The angle allowed him to go deeper and every inch of him to rub against the most sensitive parts of my inner walls as he pushed in. My eyes rolled back in my head as I thought about how it would feel once he really started moving. 'Or when _I_ really started moving' I thought as I suddenly realized I would have to do the majority of the work in this position.

"Just move how it feels good for you, Kat." He whispered, folding his arms lovingly over my belly on top of the blankets and resting his cheek between my shoulders. I nodded and reached back with both hands to hold onto his hips and slowly raised up onto my knees, feeling him rub against my walls in a completely different way. I hissed and froze for a moment which of course, made Peeta think that something had hurt or felt wrong.

"What? You okay?" He asked lifting his head from my back and tightening his arms around my middle. I nodded but didn't speak at first, just rose up a little more until all that was left of him inside me was the head.

"Yeah, yeah I'm okay, it just feels…different. REALLY good different." I amended quickly and Peeta laughed softly. "Oh good, cause it feels fan-fucking-tastic for me." He moaned and dropped his head back to between my shoulders.

"Peeta Mellark!" I said with mock scolding. "What would Effie say about your language around a lady?" I laughed and slowly sank back down onto him as he moved his hands to hold my hips and helped guide my movements.

"Probably the same thing she'd say to said _lady_ about having sex in this position." He growled behind me and I felt his hands leave my hips as he leaned back on them to support my weight better. I started moving faster, raising and lowering myself onto him, part of me loving the control it gave me over both of our pleasure.

"Oooooo…Point, Mellark." I chuckled breathily and dug my fingers into his hips as he began to raise them up to meet mine every other thrust. "Oh Peeta, this feels amazing…I think I'm going to...yeah, definitely getting close again." I grunted and felt hot air billowing from the space between our bodies, trapped in by the blankets wrapped around us.

"I'm close too…" Peeta gasped and I felt him shift his legs underneath me. "Can…could we move forward a little, my leg is falling asleep." He said with a short laugh and I let go of his hips and put my hands down flat on the mattress in front of me. Peeta, being tucked into the same blanket with me, was pulled forward with me and almost fell on my back but caught himself with his hands against the mattress too.

"Ooops." I chuckled but it turned into a moan when he began to thrust into me with renewed enthusiasm.

It was at that point that all talking ceased as we both became completely caught up in the sensations tearing through our bodies. I pushed back against Peeta with a passion equal to his own and finally cried out, tumbling over the edge when Peeta slid one of his hands between my legs, rubbing me through the blankets. He followed right after and we both collapsed to the bed together, our bodies slippery with sweat.

Peeta was the first to move, slipping out of me and loosening the blankets around us so that he could slide off of my back.

"Ohhh…I still can't feel my leg." He said between gasps for air and pulled the large down comforter from the end of the bed up and over the two of us. "What's weird though is I think I can feel my missing leg again." He teased and I started laughing so hard that no noise came out of my mouth. Peeta joined in and rolled over, pulling me into his arms.

When we finally composed ourselves, I took his face between my hands and kissed his lips lightly. "Once again, Mr. Mellark, another of your ideas proves to be a hit." I said snuggling into his arms. "That position is definitely going into the rotation." I said peppering kisses across his throat.

Peeta reached up to play with my pearl necklace as he often did after making love and I rested one of my hands overtop of the one he had at my neck. "Glad to hear that." He whispered and brought my hand to his lips, kissing my knuckles in an adorable, gentlemanly way.

"Love you." He said with a hoarse voice that told me he was getting sleepy. I could understand; he had driven a long distance with very little experience doing so under his belt.

"Love you too, now get some sleep." I said resting my head in its usual spot over his heart. When Peeta didn't respond, I lifted my head slowly and looked up at him.

He was sound asleep.

.

.

.

.

.

.

The next thing I knew, I was back in the square in front of the President's mansion in the Capitol on the day of the final rebel assault. On the day I saw my little sister killed in an explosion while trying to help wounded children.

Thinking back, I should have known that it was a dream, but it felt for some reason like a premonition. It was like I had been magically transported back in time to right the wrong of that, the most horrible moment in my life. I quickly discovered that what was more horrifying than having lived that moment the first time around, was reliving it knowing what was to come and being able to do absolutely nothing to change it.

In the dream, I had just watched the second wave of parachutes being dropped into the square and was screaming at Prim, trying to get her attention, when I woke up screaming her name and thrashing in a tangle of sheets. I sat straight up with a huge gasp for air, my hair clinging to my sweaty neck and face.

I jumped when Peeta reached out to touch my arm in the dark, whispering soothing words to me. "Shhh…it's alright Katniss, you're with me…I'm with you." He said gently but I could feel he wasn't moving any closer to me, waiting to see if I'd want his comfort.

I answered that question pretty quickly when I threw myself into his arms sobbing. He wrapped me in his arms, stroking his hands over my back and arms, petting my hair lovingly. "Shhh…it's alright, I'm here. I have you." He said it over and over as I cried until my head felt like it was going to explode.

I felt Peeta move and the little nightlight beside the bed flicked on. "Hang on, let me get you something for your head." He could be so perceptive even after less than a year living with me.

He slipped out of bed naked and went into the little bathroom, returning a moment later with a glass of water and a small pill. I sat up, still trying to get my breathing under control, and took the pill and water from him with an appreciative smile.

"Thanks." I croaked out and chugged the whole glass of water as Peeta climbed back into bed beside me and sat waiting until I was ready to talk. As it turned out, on that particular night, I wasn't going to be ready to talk at all.

"No problem. You want to talk about it?" he asked gently and I immediately shook my head.

"No, no…thank you, but no, not tonight." I said whispering the last few words and looking down at the empty glass in my hands. Peeta accepted that without question. There was many a night that he awoke screaming at the ghosts that haunted him and not wanting to discuss them. We always asked but never pushed the other to share. Sometimes we could stand the pain long enough to let the other share the burden of our nightmares, most times we could not.

"Okay." Peeta said reaching over to touch my hand where it was clutching the covers to my chest. "Then can I at least hold you and stand guard over the rest of your night?" he whispered and I scooted over into his welcoming arms with a nod.

"Thank you." I said hugging him tightly and tucking my head under his chin.

"Sleep now, I'll catch the rest of my Z's during your turn driving tomorrow." He said kissing my forehead and I chanced a small but sad smile.

"Hey, I kept you entertained during your drive, I expect the same." I whispered as I snuggled into his arms, cursing the fact that I was shaking like a leaf. Peeta just pulled me close as the pill he gave me started to take effect.

"You'll…you'll stay with me?" I remember asking groggily as the medicine quickly pulled me under. This time, I did catch Peeta's whispered response and I like to think it helped me to make it through the rest of that night.

_Always. _

When I woke up the next morning, I was swaddled in the blankets and curled up on Peeta's side of the bed. I lifted my head and looked around, confused for a moment by the combination of Peeta's familiar smell all around me in an unfamiliar place.

"Peeta?" I called out hoarsely and only then did I notice the water in the bathroom was running.

"In here! I didn't want to wake you!" He called back and I couldn't help but chuckle when he stuck his soapy head out the door to look at me. "I'd have invited you in, but I barely fit in this stupid shower by myself." He said and I could feel him assessing my mood. "You sleep better after…" he didn't finish the sentence. He didn't need to.

"Uh, yeah, I did….thanks." I said meekly and tucked my hair behind my ears self-consciously. It should have been old hat by that point, waking up screaming in the middle of the night, but it still bothered me. It might have been that part of me still wished for a time when Peeta and I would be able to make it a week straight without one of us needing to be comforted like a child afraid of the monster in their closet.

It could have also been the crushing, sometimes panic-inducing knowledge that the monsters in mine and Peeta's closets were real.

"Good, I'll be done in here in a second." He said and pulled his head back into the tiny bathroom. I nodded and yawned, slipping out of bed and pulling one of the blankets around my shoulders. I went to the kitchen area and turned on the little coffee pot there before peeking out the blinds. It was bright and sunny out and I couldn't hear the wind like the previous night. It was looking to be a pretty nice day for driving.

I pulled the blanket around me more and slipped into the bathroom to relive my bladder. Peeta heard me come in and stuck his head out of the small shower curtain, raising his eyebrows when he found me sitting on the toilet.

"Want me to leave this on for you?" He asked reaching for a towel and averting his eyes. I laughed and rolled my eyes at him. And _I _was the pure one?

"What? I have the blanket around me, and I had to pee…" I grumbled sleepily as I stood and put the toilet seat down. Peeta shook his head and held onto the towel rack so that he could hop out of the shower. I noticed his prosthetic leaning against the sink as I tossed the blanket aside and climbed in the shower.

"Were you okay sleeping with that on last night?" I asked as I started rinsing off and Peeta dried off on the mat by the sink. I knew he didn't really like sleeping with it on and when he forgot, I usually remembered and took it off of him before I went to sleep. That night before however, I was in no shape to help after making love like we had. A hovercraft could have carpet bombed the trailer and I would have never been the wiser.

"Yeah, I pulled it off later when you went back to sleep after your dream." He said wrapping his towel around his waist and sitting down on the toilet seat to reattach his leg.

I was soaping up my hair and glanced over at him through the clear curtain. "Memory…not dream." I said shortly and Peeta just nodded.

"Take your time, I'll make us something for breakfast and repack the car cooler for the drive. You sure you're gonna be okay with driving today? Cause I could take another turn if you want, it's not problem." He asked standing and pulling the door open.

"Yeah, I'll be fine. Thanks though." I said trying to sound light. I could feel his eyes on me for another long few seconds before he left the bathroom and shut the door behind him.

When I exited the bathroom, Peeta was dressed and leaning against the counter talking on the phone the trailer had come equipped with. I walked over to my side of the bed and started getting dressed while I listened to the rest of his conversation. I knew right away who he was talking to.

"Yes, it's very nicely decorated…we appreciate that…uh huh, very soft bedsheets." He said and widened his eyes at me. I grinned as I started to remake the bed, enjoying watching Peeta flounder a little under the Effie Trinket inquisition.

"That's really nice of you, Effie…I'm sure Katniss will be thrilled to know you're going to be with us all through our visit." He said and I made a face similar to that of a child being told they could go out late with their friends as long as their older sibling accompanied them. I dropped my head back, looking up through the skylight over our bed and did a little angry dance in place, that Peeta seemed to find really entertaining.

"Oh, I'd love to give the phone over to her, but you know what? She's showering right now as luck would have it." He said with a smirk in my direction and I folded my hands together and mouthed a silent _'thank you'_. He nodded and after a few more flattering parting words, hung up and turned to me.

"She just feels responsible is all, Katniss." Peeta laughed and moved over to help me finish making the bed. "She's…seen the error of her ways, or the error of the Capitol's ways I should say, and she wants to take care of us while we're there to make up for it."

Neither of us knew all what exactly had been done to Effie between the Quarter Quell and when we saw her again at the end of the war, but it had changed her view of the Capitol and the Hunger Games drastically. She had been almost reserved when we had seen her last.

"I know, it's just…it brings back a lot of feelings for me, doesn't it for you? Going into the Capitol, with Effie chaperoning…" I trailed off and Peeta nodded slowly. I could tell this was just as hard for him to accept, but as a person who had spent his whole life trying to see the best in others, Peeta wanted to believe that things had changed. That what Plutarch had been telling us over the phone for weeks was the truth.

He walked around and met me at the end of the bed, tugging me into his arms and kissing the top of my head. "It'll be alright, Kat…" he whispered. "Being in the Capitol again, seeing Effie, having all of that attention on us again…" he promised and I sighed and pulled back to look up at him.

"How can you be so sure though?" I asked looking into his eyes. Peeta smiled softly and cupped my cheek tenderly in one hand.

"Because I'll be there for you and you'll be there for me….because that's what you and I do; protect each other. Real or not real?" he said this last line in a whisper and I wrapped my arms around his torso, hugging him tight.

"Real, Peeta. Real." I murmured into his chest and kissed the spot over his heart gently.


	15. Interlude 1

Interlude- Katniss Present Day

"Mommy! You're not watching!"

I turn my head, shaking out of the daze of an old memory and see my daughter standing with hands on her hips and a scowl on her face. If Peeta weren't upstairs with the red X on the door, this would be the point at which he'd look at me with his 'oh-boy-is-she-your-daughter' look.

I look around quickly, reconnecting myself with my current surroundings. I am on my front porch on a summer morning with my two small children…who are looking at me rather irately.

"Hmm? Oh, I'm sorry baby, what did you want me to watch?" I ask moving over to sit cross-legged on the porch where Bow and Finn are playing together. Finn is wearing a t-shirt and a diaper and is covered in chalk dust. His sister is smiling proudly at her mini masterpiece.

"Very nice, and did Finn agree to this willingly?" I ask even though I know that boy will do ANYTHING his sister says. He just smiles dreamily up at me and then looks over my shoulder at the porch steps as his sister moves on to drawing with the chalk on the porch floor.

"Paw-Paw!" He cheers and I turn to see Haymitch making his way slowly up the steps. He mumbles a good morning and drops onto the porch swing as Finn struggles to his feet and motors as fast as he can over to climb into his lap.

"Why is this child covered in chalk?" Haymitch asks standing the toddler up on his thighs and looking him over. I can't help but chuckle as he holds Finn back from him and the boy tries to propel himself forward into Haymitch's arms. Bow collects her tub of chalk and strides over to sit down in front of them and starts tracing Haymitch's feet on the porch without any preamble.

"So he will look nice for Daddy when the red X is gone, duh Paw-Paw!" Bow announces, not looking up from her work. Haymitch and I are about fifteen feet apart at this point, but the look he casts my way speaks as loudly as if he were whispering in my ear.

I just nod twice before Bow looks up and glances between two of the most important grown ups in her life. She is still sitting by Haymitch's feet, drawing all kinds of silly designs on the chalk shoes she has made on the porch. She pushes her loose bangs back from her eyes with the back of one hand and squints up at Haymitch in the bright morning light coming from a sun not quite high enough in the sky for the porch roof to block its rays. The only sound for a moment is the gentle tingle of the wind chimes Peeta made with the children in the spring that hang beside our front door.

"Will we sleep at your house tonight?" She asks climbing up onto the swing with Haymitch who has set Finnick down beside him and given him something to play with; a new toy I'm sure.

Haymitch smiles and tugs her over into his side with three playful pats on her outer thigh. "We'll see, don't worry about it right now little one, lots of time between the sun coming up and it going down." He whispers pointing to the big yellow ball rising in the sky.

Bow smiles and looks up into his face, her big grin so full of hope and life like her father's usually is that I have to look away for a moment as a stab of pain shoots through my chest.

_Oh, Peeta._

"I'm going to draw a BIIIIIIG sun for Daddy, you can watch me Paw-Paw." Bow says as she slides back down to the porch, fixing her nightgown as she skips over to an area on the far end of the porch that she hasn't decorated yet. "Mommy was watching but then she was dreaming and forgot to watch." She says while looking her new blank 'canvas' over in a way only an artist could.

I smile sadly and bring my knees to my chest, wrapping my arms around them and laying my head on top as I watch her. "A memory Bowie, not a dream." I say just like I had said to Peeta on that first morning on the road to the Capitol for the first anniversary celebration.

She shrugs as if the difference is merely semantics and grabs the yellow, orange and white chalk pieces, laying them out carefully before she begins.

I look around at the children's toys in the yard and stand up, smoothing out my own nightgown as I make my way over to sit down on the porch swing beside Haymitch. Finn climbs over Haymitch's lap and settles in between us with his new treasure, which is in fact a wooden goose Haymitch has obviously carved himself and painted.

"Pretty talented with a brush yourself." I say making an impressed face and Haymitch almost smiles as he tugs a hanky out of his pants pocket and starts brushing the chalk dust off of my son. I know that this is merely an excuse for him to turn my way without making Bow more suspicious than she already is and my suspicions are confirmed when he begins talking in a hushed voice without looking up from his chore of cleaning up Finn.

"How long?" He asks in the shorthand we've developed over the years. I smile down at Finn who holds his goose up with a 'quack' and dances it in front of my face.

"Just this morning, Bow saw the X when she got up, I was already downstairs with the early bird." I say quacking back at my son and kissing the back of his pudgy hand that is holding the goose.

Haymitch nods knowingly. "Go grab them some clothes, I've got diapers for the little one over at my place. I'll put them to work, have them help me feed and water the geese, they can chase them around in the yard for the rest of the morning. I can feed them something for lunch and put them in the extra bedroom together for a nap." He says quietly and I reach over to place a hand on his knee.

"Thank you." I whisper and he places his hand over mine, giving it a reassuring pat before he scoops Finn up and blows a raspberry on his neck making the little boy squeal with delight.

"We'll let Bow finish her sunrise first." He says settling Finn into his lap.

"SunSET." Bow corrects, not looking up from her work. "That's Daddy's favorite sun." She explains and I have to fight back a sob as I scoot closer to Haymitch and lay my head on his shoulder.


	16. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

_We will run and scream  
You will dance with me  
They'll fulfill our dreams and we'll be free_

And we will be who we are  
And they'll heal our scars  
Sadness will be far away

Mumford and Sons- "Not With Haste"

We arrived in the Capitol on schedule 4 days after the initial start to our trip. We had stopped to sleep 2 more nights after the first and eating and sleeping in the trailer became less uncomfortable with each passing day. It actually began to feel like our own little home away from home.

"Arriving in Capitol city in…2.3 miles." The voice on the guidance system reported this news with an excitement neither of us felt in the slightest. Everything up to that point in the drive had been fun and full of new experiences. We had shared story after story about our families, our friends, secrets from childhood we had told to no one else. I learned that Peeta kept the remaining piece of a thread-bare blanket that he'd had as a child in his drawer in our bedroom beneath his layers of clothing. He learned that I kept one of Prim's hair ribbons in the end table on my side of the bed.

Peeta slowed the car to a stop, putting it in park and taking a deep breath as we reached the most outlying part of the Capitol. I knew this was going to be tough on both of us, but Peeta had the worst experience being in the Capitol by far.

I watched quietly as he took another breath, staring straight ahead at the road that would lead us back into the place we hated most. I reached over and took his hand on the seat between us, running my thumb soothingly over his knuckles to try and calm him.

"I'm with you, Peeta. It'll be okay." I whispered and he nodded after a minute and offered a tentative smile. He squeezed my hand before putting the car back in drive and slowly heading down the road.

The first thing we noticed was that where there once had been a Capitol check point with armed peace keepers and what amounted to a barricade blocking entrance to the city, there was now a small arched tunnel that led straight through to the other side of the Capitol's walled city center.

"Man, Plutarch wasn't kidding was he?" I asked leaning forward in the car and craning my neck around to see the various drastic changes that had occurred in the time since we'd been there last.

The cold, militaristic style of the old regime was gone. In some cases that style was literally gone, as I noticed some buildings I'd seen on the Star Squad's covert trek through the city had been demolished and smaller, more inviting buildings erected in their place.

Peeta drove on quietly but I could see him looking around at the new buildings and monuments as well. He followed the directions the guidance system provided until we pulled up in front of a building we had never been to before and climbed out of the car. I walked around to Peeta's side and was just reaching for his hand when we heard a familiar voice calling to us from across a street where nice, new cars passed us going in both directions.

We both turned around and found Dr. Aurelius smiling and waving us over to where he was standing. I took Peeta's hand and we waited for a lull in the traffic before we hurried over to the cobblestone walkway he was standing on outside of what looked like an apartment building.

"Hey Doc, long time no see….thankfully." Peeta said with a tight smile and shook the man's hand. Dr. Aurelius turned to me next, taking my hand as he had Peeta's and shaking it gently.

"Katniss, good to see you." He said looking me over in a way only a doctor could. "You look well, that's wonderful, just wonderful." He smiled and looked down at our linked hands.

Thanks to our weekly telephone calls and a persistent interest in our daily activities, Dr. Aurelius knew about the developments in our relationship since we'd both returned to District 12. He actually knew more about those developments than either of us felt comfortable with once we were face to face with him. It was one thing to talk about such intimate topics over the phone, but in person was a different story.

"I am, thank you." I said with a tired smile and leaned into Peeta's side as we waited for…whatever was to come next. Despite the awkwardness, it was probably wise that they had sent us to the person from the Capitol we were in closest contact with and who we probably trusted the most as a way of easing us back into the city.

"Oh! Right, right…um…accommodations." Dr. Aurelius said turning and waving hand in the direction of the building behind us. "You've been assigned a private residence for the duration of your stay." He said and both mine and Peeta's jaw dropped open. It was the size of 3 victor homes. When the doctor saw the looks on both our faces, he laughed softly. "Miss Trinket will be joining you as well and of course Mr. Abernathy is due in on the train tomorrow."

"We're all staying together?" I asked trying to keep the uncertainty out of my voice. I wasn't sure if it would be better or worse on us to have our Hunger Games chaperone and mentor staying with us like they had in the Games.

Dr. Aurelius heard the change in my voice and explained quickly. "Miss Trinket still considers schedule keeping to be her specialty and Haymitch, as you have both told me on many occasions, is the closest thing you have to family and I believe his presence will help to keep you grounded to District 12 while you are here." He paused a moment and then smiled. "Of course, some of your fellow remaining victors will be staying here as well including Johanna Mason and Annie Odair."

When Peeta and I raised our eyebrows in surprise, he nodded. "Both of them expressed a desire for shared accommodations. I think it's safe to assume that you aren't the only ones feeling a little apprehensive about being back in the Capitol." Dr. Aurelius explained with a tight smile.

"They should both be arriving sometime early tomorrow so why don't you get yourselves settled in. Get something to eat, get a good night's sleep." he said walking with us back across the street to collect our luggage from the camper. He helped us carry our things back across the street and we stood at the entrance to the large property not saying a word.

When Peeta and I both looked the large building over nervously and turned our eyes back to him, the doctor leaned back against the wrought iron gate that stretched along the walk in front of the property as his face grew serious.

"I don't want either of you to think that the government is taking your willingness to return for the anniversary lightly. We recognize that this was a very difficult decision for you all to make and we want to make sure you are as comfortable as possible during your visit." He said and glanced at the large estate with a shrug. "We're aware obviously, that nothing will make up for the trauma you've sustained, but we just wanted you to know how much it means to us and how much it will mean to the country, to see you again." He said and looked down at our hands which were once again entwined. "To see that you're healing and moving forward with your lives just as they are."

We both nodded silently and he let us take the first steps through the gate and up the walkway to the front door. Dr. Aurelius rang the bell and a kind looking older gentleman answered and welcomed us inside. He identified himself as Avitus and said he would tend to anything we needed while in the residence. He was dressed in a simple charcoal colored suit with a white button down shirt and a tie.

"Your dinner has been prepared and is awaiting you in the dining room whenever you are ready." He announced with a smile as he ushered us into the huge foyer with two staircases right in front of us leading up to the same point on the second floor.

"Actually, if you don't mind, could we just have it brought to our room and eat there if it's not too much trouble?" I asked looking Peeta over quickly and realizing just how physically and emotionally exhausted he was. Avitus smiled and gave a quick little bow.

"Speaking of, how the heck do we _find_ our room? This place is gigantic." Peeta asked switching the suitcase he was holding to his other hand and craning his neck back to look all around him.

"This way." Dr. Aurelius said with a wink and cocked his head toward the stairs. We climbed them together to the second floor silently and he led us to the left once we reached the landing. "I took the liberty of choosing your bedroom for you. I hope you don't mind…" he said taking out a key and unlocking a door before handing the key to me.

"There's a beautiful balcony with a seating area and it looks out on most of the city." He said as we stepped into the room. "I thought perhaps Peeta might like to draw some so I had them place an easel by the French doors to the balcony and bring in an assortment of oil paints, sketchpads, pencils, anything you might need…"

I had to admit, Dr. Aurelius had gone all out. The room was magnificent. Two of our bedroom at home could have fit inside of it. The bed was the biggest I'd ever seen, four posts with a covering I recognized as a canopy and dark curtains that went all the way around on the three sides of the bed not including the headboard which was pressed against the wall. Dr. Aurelius had clearly been listening when we spoke of our sleeping difficulties and probably wanted to give us something that would keep light out for as long as possible.

I made note of a large double-door closet and a smaller door that likely went into a bathroom.

Peeta placed our bags on the floor and dropped down to sit on the bed, his eyes going immediately to the easel and painting supplies in the same way Prim's had always gone to the cakes and cookies in the bakery window when she was little.

"Thank you, it's…perfect." I said putting my own bags down and turning to offer the doctor my hand. He smiled faintly and shook my hand back. As he headed for the door, he turned and cleared his throat.

"Now I know they look tempting, Peeta, but you leave those painting supplies until tomorrow." He warned with a smile and nodded toward me. "Unpack your things, eat something and sleep. Now, I don't have my prescription pad on me, but those are the doctor's orders." He said opening the door.

"Good night, Doc…and thanks." Peeta said finally looking away from the paints. Dr. Aurelius smiled tightly and bid us both a good night as he closed the door behind him. I looked over and caught Peeta eyeing the art supplies again.

"I'm going to go wash up and change into something more comfortable…" I said and chuckled when Peeta dragged his gaze away from the easel. "I won't tell on you if you want to check that stuff out…your secret'll be safe with me." I teased and a grin stretched across Peeta's face as he stood from the bed and walked over to me slowly.

"Thanks." He said leaning down to kiss me softly once and then twice. I nodded and patted his chest. "I'll give Haymitch a quick call first. Don't want him to get his nose all out of joint that we didn't check in."

"No problem, dinner should be up soon, I won't be long." I whispered and headed into the bathroom with a change of clothes I pulled from my suitcase. I untied my braid and shook it loose before shucking my traveling clothes from the day. I was just going to change but decided on a quick shower first to wash off the road dirt from the day.

When I emerged from the bathroom ten minutes later in a pair of cut-off sweats of my own and one of Peeta's big t-shirts, I saw a cart with several covered trays on it that I assumed was our dinner. Peeta had stripped down to his boxers and undershirt and was sitting at the easel with the drapes to the balcony open, doing a quick outline of the buildings we could see from our window.

I stepped up beside him and reached out a hand to run through the hair at the base of his skull and Peeta dropped his head back into my touch. "Looks nice." I commented looking between what he'd drawn and the city that lay outside the window. I had to admit, it looked very little like the city we'd seen during our last several visits.

"It's different." Peeta said with a shrug. "I guess that's good." He mumbled uncertainly and I moved around him to sit in his lap as we continued to watch out the window as the last rays of sun slipped below the horizon.

"Hey," I said taking his cheek and looking into his face. "No one expects this to be easy for us…you heard the doctor. It sounds like they're doing all they can to make us comfortable and I mean, look at this place…" I waved a hand around the room.

"I know, Katniss. I guess…I guess I'm just worried is all…" he sighed and ran a nervous hand through his hair. When I furrowed my brow as I tried to guess at what exactly he meant, Peeta reached into his pocket and pulled out the little red X.

I sighed and took it from him, closing my hand around it as I lay my head on his shoulder. "Don't be worried." I whispered. "I'll be here, Haymitch and Effie will be here." I smiled softly. "Your girlfriend Joahanna Mason will be here…" I chuckled and Peeta laughed and then groaned.

"She's going to be unbearable about this whole thing isn't she?" he asked pointing between the two of us. I lifted my head and kissed him softly.

"I'm sure we'll get some ribbing once she finds out we're living together, but hopefully she'll get it all out of her system early on and then cool it for the rest of the week." I grinned and kissed him again. As we kissed, I felt Peeta beginning to relax and I looped my arms around his neck, subtly reaching over to drop the letter on the edge of the easel.

"Come on." I whispered when I pulled back and stood from his lap. "Let's eat, I'm starving." Peeta nodded and stood with me as we went over to remove the lids from the dishes and placed them on the little dining table by the bed. I smiled when I noticed they had sent us the lamb stew we both loved. Dr. Aurelius was clearly trying to provide us with as many pleasant reminders of the Capitol as possible to help us settle in.

"Mmm…looks great." I said sitting down across from Peeta and ripping a large loaf of bread in half for us to share. We each ate 2 full bowls of the stew and were sitting cross-legged on the bed looking over the week's itinerary, each with a fork in hand as we shared half of a small chocolate cake sitting on a platter between us.

"Doesn't look too bad," I commented with a shrug around a mouthful of cake. "A welcome banquet tomorrow night…touring of the new city on Monday and Tuesday, unveiling of the Hunger Games memorial on Wednesday, interviews on Thursday, then we get something called 'choice excursion/rest day' on Friday, whatever that means…" I shrugged and looked up as a wicked grin spread across Peeta's face.

"I can think of a few 'choice excursions' that wouldn't even require us to leave this room that day." He said trying for sexy which was difficult since he had chocolate frosting in both corners of his mouth. I laughed and leaned over the plate like I was going to kiss him but reached up between us to gently wipe the frosting from his mouth with one finger which I then popped into my mouth to lick clean.

Peeta rolled his eyes and grabbed a napkin, wiping his mouth clean and leaning the rest of the way over to kiss me. "What about Saturday? Some big banquet again to say farewell I'm sure?" He asked and I rolled my own eyes and nodded.

"Doesn't seem too bad." He said trying to sound nonchalant but didn't look up from the remaining cake he was eating off of the plate. I reached over and took his free hand on the mattress between us and squeezed it gently.

"And it'll be even better because we have each other to come back here with and help make it through the night." I said softly and smiled at him when he finally looked up.

"Love you." Peeta whispered smiling back and turned his hand over to entwine our fingers.

"Love you, too." I whispered back and held up the last bite of cake on my fork for him to eat.

Peeta gasped and a grin stretched across his face. "Last bite?" he said excitedly. "Man, you really _do_ love me." He said wrapping his lips around the fork with a chuckle. I rolled my eyes again and climbed off of the bed, taking our forks and the cake plate away and putting them on the cart which I then pushed out into the hallway outside of our door.

When I came back into the room, Peeta had pulled down the covers on the bed and was stretched out on his belly with his arms wrapped around the pillow under his head. I smiled and turned out the lights before cracking the window open to let in fresh air and then pulling the curtains around the bed tightly so that no light would penetrate them in the morning.

I climbed in next to Peeta and pulled the blankets over us both and wrapped my arms around my own pillow. "Night, Peet." I whispered and leaned over to kiss him. Peeta returned the kiss as he rolled to his side and pulled me over into his arms.

"Night, Katniss." He murmured and I rested my head in its usual place over his heart. Despite being in an unfamiliar place we both fell asleep quickly.

Neither one of us had any nightmares that night, which would have been pleasant enough a realization to wake up to except that I had an even more pleasant one for it to contend with. As I woke, I slowly became aware of Peeta's hands stroking their way under my shirt and up to hold my sides as he kissed down one side of my neck and across my collar bones to the other side.

I let him know I was awake and enjoying what he was doing with a quiet moan as I turned more into his arms and blinked my eyes open. It was still dark, but that didn't mean anything inside of our little cocoon behind the canopy curtains. It was kind of nice not knowing exactly what time it was though, and when Peeta's lips moved down as his hands pushed the shirt up farther on my chest to reveal my breasts, I wouldn't have cared if it was time for the evening's welcome banquet; I wasn't going anywhere right then.

"Mmm…morning." Peeta moaned against my chest as he wrapped his lips around one breast and began to tease the nipple with his rough tongue. I arched my back into his mouth in response and gripped the back of his head to let him know he was right where I wanted him to be.

"No…nightmares…" I panted and began to squirm as he settled me onto my back and climbed on top of me. I could feel that he was already naked and the fact that he had obviously planned to wake me up this way sent a thrill from my chest straight down to between my legs.

"I know…" he whispered into my cleavage as he worked his way over to the other breast. "Thought we'd celebrate properly." He murmured and I lifted one leg so that my thigh rubbed against his already straining erection.

"Sounds fantastic." I giggled and continued to rub my leg against him as he took the other breast in his mouth and pushed my hands back against the headboard so that he could push the t-shirt up my arms and over my head. He left it bunched at my wrists and when I moved my hands to slip them out of the shirt the rest of the way, I felt Peeta twist the fabric twice so that my hands were bound together and then slip the shirt around one of the rungs of the headboard. He pulled it back through so that he had me effectively handcuffed to the bed with my hands above my head.

He held onto the part of the t-shirt he had pulled back through and slid his other hand slowly down between us and under the waist of the cut-off sweatpants I had worn to bed. I bucked against him when his calloused fingers sank into me and tried to tug my hands away from the backboard with little success.

"Peeta…" I started to question him but he cut me off with a kiss and moved his fingers in and out of me gently at first and then with increasing speed.

"Shhh…I wanna make you come this way first." He whispered and I nodded and tried to control my breathing. Peeta had never done anything like this before. We generally took turns taking charge when we made love but never had either of us thought to take control without asking first. When I think back on that first year now, it makes me laugh to think of how adorably polite we were to each other in bed up to that point.

I nodded and tried to relax into the feel of him doing these things to my body, leaving me without the ability to reciprocate in any way. I quickly realized that without having to worry about making Peeta feel good too, I was able to focus solely on the feelings coursing through my own body and was surprised to find that it magnified them ten-fold. I had gone from 0-100 miles per hour in just over a minute since I had woken up and it had me trembling with the promise of a very powerful orgasm.

"PEETA!" I called out loudly and bucked my hips over and over into his hand. He moved the hand holding the t-shirt to the end of it closest to him so that he was barely holding onto any fabric at all but still keeping my hands pinned to the headboard. He pulled back his hand that was down my sweats suddenly, just as I was about to burst and pushed the pants down all the way to my knees.

"Hang onto the rails, Katniss." He whispered against my lips with a smile before kissing his way down my torso. As soon as I realized what he was going to do, I wrapped my hands around the rails, holding on for dear life. I had to admit that bossy, take charge Peeta was secretly one of my favorite sides to his personality, and to see it in bed made my libido do cartwheels.

He brought his mouth down on me hard, licking and kissing and probing with his tongue until it I felt like my entire body was a bomb about to detonate. I know I must have been making obscenely loud noises by that point, but I seriously could not have cared any less.

"Come on, Kat, it's okay, let go now…" he murmured against the heated flesh of my inner thighs and that last little tickle of his hot breath on my overheated skin was what pushed me over. I gripped the bedrails so hard I'm surprised they didn't snap off and dug my heels into the space between Peeta's shoulder blades as the most powerful orgasm I'd ever had tore through me.

When Peeta reappeared beside me, all I could see were his eyes in the darkness of our curtained bed. I was panting and covered in sweat as I turned over sluggishly and Peeta released my hands from the t-shirt finally so that I could bring them down around him.

"Ohh…Peeta…that was….absolutely amazing." I moaned and felt tears welling in my eyes unexpectedly.

"Katniss? You okay?" Peeta asked pulling back in alarm when he realized I was crying. He stroked my cheek with the knuckles of one hand and I could feel his eyes boring into mine. I nodded so that he could feel my head move and snuggled deeper into his arms.

"Yes…yeah, I'm fine I just…sometimes it overwhelms me to know how much you love me." I whispered with a sniffle and reached up to stroke his cheek. "…and to know how much I love you." I said catching his lips in a deep kiss.

This seemed to quell his concern and he rolled slowly to his back, pulling me with him so that I was stretched out along the length of his body. I dropped my legs to either side of his hips, trapping his erection between us and rubbing my belly against it a few times. When he hissed I knew he was already close from all that he had done to pleasure me and I pulled back from the kiss briefly.

"You ready?" I asked nipping at his chin and he nodded vigorously.

"How much longer is your shot good for?" he asked cupping my behind in both of his big hands and grinding up against me.

I had started taking bi-monthly shots for birth control in place of using condoms and I appreciated that Peeta kept track of them as well even though I suspected he definitely wanted to have children with me at some point. He had denied it, saying that he'd be happy with just the two of us for the rest of his life, but I saw the way he was with the children who came into the bakery. How he always snuck a few extra treats in with their parents' orders or how on one Sunday a month he ran a baking class for young children and I thought his face might split in two from all the smiling and laughing he did while trying to teach them to roll dough and add ingredients to cake and cookie mixes.

I tried to pretend I didn't see how much he enjoyed them, hoping that it would afford me a few years at least, before I had to start refusing him yet another happiness he deserved. I was still uneasy about the idea of marriage, having children wasn't even something I could begin to think about in those days.

I looked down at Peeta, waiting patiently for my response and shook my head to clear it of all the scary thoughts suddenly racing through my mind. "Umm…we're fine, it's only been a little over a month since my last one." I said even as I was raising my hips to line up with his.

Peeta nodded and slid his hands to my hip bones, rubbing little circles with his thumbs as he guided me to sink down onto him. We both sighed happily when he was all the way inside and I began to rock gently back and forth, my hands flat on his strong chest supporting me.

I reached over and pushed one of the curtains aside just enough to let some light in so that we could see each other clearly. I smiled down at him and he smiled back up before his eyes rolled back in his head when I began to bounce, pushing him deeper and deeper with each push of my hips.

"Ohhh…Katniss, shit that's good!" he gasped and began to thrust up in time with my bouncing as his hands slid to my chest and he squeezed my breasts hard. I moaned back and moved faster still, biting down on my bottom lip to keep from screaming as I felt another white hot orgasm building in my belly.

It was only a few seconds later that he thrust upwards once more and stilled as I felt him pour into me with his release. I kept moving as fast as ever though, and screamed loudly when I reached my own climax just after him. We collapsed in a sweaty heap and lay listening to each others ragged breathing calm. I felt Peeta softening quickly inside of me and with what little energy I had left, raised my hips off of his and we both groaned as he slipped out of me.

"Now _that's_ the way to wake up." I teased in a raspy voice as I settled into his side and Peeta pulled the covers back up around us.

"You're welcome ma'am." He grinned and smacked a loud kiss on my cheek. I peeked up at him and smiled softly.

"I'm glad we didn't have any nightmares last night." I said stroking a hand across his abdomen and poking my finger into his navel playfully. Peeta's grin widened and he reached up to brush a strand of hair out of my eyes.

"So am I…obviously." He teased and stretched his arms above his head with a yawn. "What time is it?" he asked rubbing his eyes as he sat up. I pushed the curtain on my side of the bed away and blinked at the bright light coming from the bedroom window as I searched for the clock on the bedside table.

" It's after noon…" I said with an impressed chuckle and fixed the blankets around me as I turned to lay with my head in Peeta's lap. "We should probably get up and eat something. Dr. Aurelius said Johanna and Annie were going to be in sometime early today."

As if she had heard mention of her name, the door to our bedroom suddenly flew open and Johanna Mason herself strode into the room and took in the sight of us in bed. Peeta and I stared at her like two deer coming face to face with a hunter.

"Wow, smells like sex in here, good for you guys." She said without batting an eye and gave us both an animated thumbs up before surveying the room. "Screw this, you're room is twice the size of the ones Annie and I have!" She said striding over to the bathroom door and sticking her head inside for a look around. She cast a dirty look at the French doors to the balcony and folded her arms in a pout as she came to stand at the end of the bed.

"Johanna…" I said sweetly as I sat up fixing the blankets to make sure Peeta and I were both still covered. She looked at me expectantly and raised her eyebrows.

"Yeah, what?" She asked and shook her head as she looked over at the balcony once more and back to me.

"Please feel free to GET THE FUCK out of here. Like _now_." I said just as sweetly and tilted my head, smiling and batting my eyelashes for good measure.

She dropped her arms to her side with a huff and rolled her eyes. "Still kind of a prude huh?" She asked with a long suffering sigh as if she were a parent who just didn't know where they had gone wrong with their child. "How bout you, Blondie?" She asked wagging her eyebrows and lifting her chin to try and peek over the covers into Peeta's lap.

"Good-bye, Johanna…we'll come find you both for lunch shortly." Peeta said as if scolding a child who just wasn't understanding the meaning of the word no.

Johanna raised her hands defensively and then shrugged and headed for the door. "Take your time, she could obviously still use some…loosening up." She smirked and we could hear her mumbling something about thinking we would have been more appreciative since she at least waited until we had finished before she barged in.

When the door slammed behind her, I dropped back onto my pillow with a groan and covered my face with both hands.

"Did Johanna just tell us she was waiting outside our bedroom door _listening_ to us have sex?" I mumbled through my hands and Peeta chuckled so I threw an arm at him blindly and smiled at his answering 'oof' when I made contact with his stomach.

"Hey!" He laughed and leaned over to kiss my cheek quickly. "At least we didn't have to lie in wait each night, wondering when the night would come that she would wreak embarrassing havoc on our love life! We got it out of the way in the first day!" he joked and I groaned again and covered my face.

"Oh stop, she's harmless…mostly." Peeta said clearing his throat and I dropped my hands to my side and propped myself up on my elbows to look at him. I couldn't help smiling at him, especially when he was grinning in that way that reminded me of a child caught with their hand in a cookie jar.

"I guess you're right." I sighed and shook my head. "Come on," I said pulling just the big t-shirt back on and climbing out of bed. "You…clean up in here while I get a quick shower and then we'll switch and head down for lunch."

"Do you think Annie brought the baby with her?" Peeta called after me as I headed into the bathroom. I turned on the shower before turning back into the doorway to talk to him. Peeta was standing in his underwear making the bed.

I shrugged and leaned against the doorway. Baby Zale. When Plutarch called to tell us that Annie had given birth, he told us his name and explained that it was an old Greek word meaning 'sea strength'. I hadn't asked why she didn't name the baby after Finnick. From the first pictures of the child we received it was clear that he was the spitting image of his father. That would likely be difficult enough on the little guy as he grew without giving him Finnick's name.

"Probably," I said with a sad sigh. "He's barely what? 3 months old? I'm sure she wouldn't leave him for the week."

Peeta nodded and smiled. "Can't wait to see him in person." He said sounding genuinely excited. I nodded and smiled back but didn't share the same excitement. At least not in the same way. A baby was a wonderful thing of course, but how many of them can you say you've watched their father die right in front of you?

I closed the bathroom door and climbed into the shower, trying not to think of how many people I'd loved and lost.

We found our way (after a few wrong turns) to the dining room where Johanna was already sitting eating a sandwich and soup for her lunch.

"Ah, there's the little love birds!" she grinned and gave us each a once over. "Look at you! You guys look great, even better now that I've seen you in clothes again." She winked and Peeta and I both turned red instantly.

"Johanna, be nice." A soft voice called from behind us and we turned in time to see Annie Odair coming around the corner into the room with a little pudgy baby propped on her shoulder.

Peeta smiled and stepped forward first, wrapping an arm around Annie's other shoulder and giving her a gentle hug so as not to startle the baby. "Annie, you look wonderful." He murmured and blushed when she kissed his cheek and told him he was getting more handsome every time she saw him. I stood with my feet frozen to the floor as I watched her slide the baby down into the crook of her arm and I came face to face with Finnick's son.

"Hey little guy." Peeta cooed and offered the wide-eyed baby his finger to hold. Little Zale startled slightly at Peeta's voice and began to whimper.

"I'm sorry, Peeta, male voices aren't very familiar to him, he's mostly just used to hearing me speak." Annie explained with a sad smile. Peeta nodded and wiggled his finger at the baby without speaking and Zale's little brow furrowed as he focused as hard as he could on the finger and then grabbed it with a grunt. He gave Peeta's finger only a cursory once over before proceeding to try and stuff it in his mouth.

Peeta and Annie both chuckled and without even asking if he would be comfortable with it, Annie transferred the baby into Peeta's arms. She clearly knew a natural when she saw one. Peeta tucked the baby comfortably into his arms and rocked him from side to side.

"Hey buddy, you sure are cute aren't you?" He cooed and the baby stared up at Peeta with his big green eyes as he continued sucking his finger. Annie kissed the baby's head reverently and then turned to me and smiled with tears shining in her eyes.

"Katniss, it's so good to…to see you." She stammered. I could understand her timidity around me. Her husband had died protecting me. I was the last person to see him alive and the first to see him dead.

"He's beautiful, Annie." I said stepping forward and wrapping her in a hug which she surprisingly returned with a tight one of her own.

"He is isn't he?" She chuckled and pulled back to look over at her little boy. "Besides Finn, he's the best thing that's ever happened to me. Sometimes it feels as if I haven't lost him at all when I look at Zale and everything about him reminds me of his father." She whispered and I reached out to hold her hand as we watched Peeta lift the baby to his shoulder and rub his cheek against his fuzzy bronze head.

"Yeah, well I sure hope he isn't as loud as his father could be when he wanted, remember I'm in the room right next to yours." Johanna said with a smirk and slurped a spoonful of soup into her mouth.

Annie grinned. "I'll be sure to wake you up so I have company during his 3 a.m. feeding, Johanna. Don't worry, I know you don't like to miss anything that's going on." She teased and Johanna rolled her eyes but then smiled slowly and turned her attention to Peeta and I.

"Speaking of not missing anything that's going on…it was pretty damn hard to miss what was going on in Peeta and Katniss' room when we got here." She started as we all moved to the table to sit for lunch and Peeta kept a hold of the baby.

"Don't be crass, Johanna, Peeta and Katniss didn't come down to lunch to have you tease them about their relationship and it's none of your, my _or_ the baby's business what goes on inside their bedroom." Annie scolded and Johanna sat back in her chair with a pout.

"Oh come on," Johanna said glancing over at the baby where he lay back in the crook of one of Peeta's arms. "He doesn't know what the hell we're talking about!"

Annie frowned and took a few slices of sandwich for herself and filled a bowl with soup. "Still, it's improper. You should be ashamed of yourself." She clucked and Peeta and I both chuckled as we made our own plates.

"Oh boy," Johanna sighed and reached for another slice of sandwich from the platter in the middle of the table. "This is gonna be a swell week in dullsville with you people." She mumbled and sat back down.

"Do you want me to take him back so you can eat, Peeta?" Annie asked and Peeta waved her off. "No, no I'm fine." He said holding the baby up in front of him and chuckling when his little legs kicked like a frog. "He's great, Annie." He smiled and laughed again when the baby smiled toothlessly back at him.

Annie cut her eyes over at me in the chair beside Peeta when she noticed I was making a point of not looking at Peeta with the baby. She didn't say anything but I sensed she knew exactly what was making me so uncomfortable and that she'd be having a conversation with me in the not so distant future about it.

During lunch, we all caught up on what we'd been doing since we'd seen each other in the last year. Zale was passed back and forth and I even held him and earned a smile for my trouble when I made silly faces for him.

When we'd finished, Annie said she was going to feed the baby and put him down for his afternoon nap. She and Johanna showed us their room and Annie raved about the beautiful crib that had been brought into her room for the baby.

"It even has a seashell mobile above it like the one he's got at home!" She said settling into a chair by the window and discreetly fixing her shirt for the baby to eat. I was the only with her as Peeta and Johanna had wandered off together to explore the rest of the rooms a few minutes earlier.

I walked around the room looking at the décor as compared to what was in our room. There were pictures of the beach on every wall and a small framed photo from Annie and Finnick's wedding that I was sure she had brought with her sat on the bedside table. I picked up a little stuffed animal crab and smiled as I ran my fingers over it.

"Peeta was wonderful with him today." Annie said suddenly and I turned my head to see her smiling down at the baby. I took a deep breath and tried to make my face neutral when she glanced up from Zale eating to look at me.

I shrugged. "Yeah, he's pretty good with kids. Sneaks the ones who come in the bakery free treats, runs a baking class for them on some weekends." I said casually and picked up a trinket from the dresser, inspecting it closer than was probably necessary.

"Do you guys talk about having kids at all?" She asked with a soft smile and I moved over to look out her window at the city.

"We're still only 19…" I said evasively, not really answering her question and folded my arms over my chest defensively. I knew it was just her attempt at girl talk, but unfortunately she didn't know that was an area I wasn't particularly strong in or that the thought of having children still sort of terrified me.

"That's true, you're still very young…" She said cooing to the baby. "I would never have thought I wanted Zale when I was 19 even though I was with Finn for 2 years already by then. I worried so much about the…the Hunger Games and I couldn't imagine sending a child of my own into the reaping after what I had been through in mine, and…and what Finnick had to…do after his."

She stopped and started a few times and when she made a veiled allusion to Finnick's prostitution at the hands of the Capitol, I saw a pain in her eyes that made me sure she knew _exactly_ what happened each time he was called to the Capitol.

"Weren't you scared when you found out you were pregnant?" I asked knowing that it was only shortly after Finnick died that she discovered she was carrying his child.

Annie smiled and looked back down at the baby. "I was…at first." She said stroking Zale's pudgy cheek as he nursed. "But then I realized it meant a piece of Finnick would live on through his son. That I would look at him, and I would be sad…but I would also be so happy to have been given this final gift from him. And that was something no one would be able to take from us. They may have taken Finnick from me, but we won in the end because when the Capitol fell, I had my freedom and a child growing inside of me whose name would never go on a slip of paper into the reaping bowl." She tickled the bottom of one of his little feet and the baby pulled his feet up to his belly.

I wasn't entirely sure what Annie meant or that I even agreed with what I did understand of her explanation, but I could see so clearly that she believed with all of her heart that her child would be safe. That his father's sacrifice had created a better life for him. Isn't that what any parent would do for their child in that world my father spoke of during our trips beyond the fence? Were we finally now living in such a world?

I nodded when Annie looked up at me and she smiled a secret smile I suspected only another parent would be able to interpret.

"Well, like you said…" she whispered as the baby nodded off to sleep and she stood to place him in the crib. "…you're only 19. Things change." She said touching the seashell moble to make it spin slowly over her sleeping child.

It is only now, as a parent myself, that I recognize what that look in Annie's eyes had been all those years ago. It was something that I hadn't seen very much of in a young life spent under the rule of the Capitol.

It was hope.

I left Annie and baby Zale to rest up for the welcome banquet that would be held in the evening and went back to Peeta and my room to see if he was there. He wasn't, but there were two dressing bags hanging from one of the beams of the canopy bed. I approached them curiously, glancing around the room to make sure I was alone.

I unzipped one and found a beautiful dark blue suit for Peeta that I remembered from his wardrobe during the Victory Tour and in the other, I found one of Cinna's beautiful works of art in a black velvet dress with a white fur wrap. I touched the material as tears suddenly streamed down my cheeks and I closed my eyes to try and chase away yet another ghost of my past.

I wiped my eyes and dropped onto the bed, curling up with my back to the clothes and falling into a fitful sleep.

When I woke up later, Peeta was asleep beside me on the bed and by the looks of him, he'd been there for a while. I was impressed that I hadn't even woken up when he came in. I stretched and yawned, leaning over to kiss his elbow where it peeked out from under the pillow he had his arms wrapped around.

Peeta's eyes fluttered open and he rubbed his face into his pillow with a yawn. "Hey, sleep well?" He asked lifting his head to look at me. I was momentarily distracted by just how _good_ he looked all sleepy and disheveled and felt my cheeks flush when he grinned at me.

"Yeah, I did, how about you?" I asked cuddling closer to him and kissing his chest when he wrapped me in his arms.

He told me about his travels around the building with Johanna and that he had told her to give it a rest with the sexual innuendo. She had reluctantly agreed to ease up and he suspected the rest of our visit was going to be much more comfortable.

"Good, though I am still horrified that she was listening to us this morning." I mumbled grumpily and Peeta laughed and tilted his chin down to capture my lips.

"Don't be…she was probably just jealous of how much fun we sounded like we were having." He whispered and deepened the kiss. I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him back, melting into his arms until an intercom I hadn't noticed beside the bedroom door came on with a crackle. Avitus announced that Effie and Haymitch had arrived and that Effie 'certainly hoped we had begun dressing for the banquet this evening'.

Peeta and I looked at each other and rolled our eyes. "Glad to know some things never change…" Peeta chuckled and climbed off of the bed after one more kiss.

Peeta shaved in the bathroom while I laid out our clothes and flat ironed my hair because it was about all I knew how to do from memories of watching my prep team work. I was standing in front of the mirror holding the necklace with my pearl on it up to latch around my neck when Peeta came up behind me and gently took it from my hands and latched it himself.

"You look beautiful." He whispered kissing the back of my neck and reaching down to settle a hand on my tailbone where the zipper on my dress began. He slowly pulled it up until it stopped between my shoulder blades and then kissed the spot lightly.

"Thank you." I smiled at him in the mirror and turned around to face him. "Strapless in the winter isn't the best idea, but the wrap should keep me warm…" I said smoothing my hands over my hips to straighten it out.

Peeta had pulled on the pants, socks and shoes of his suit and was reaching for the crisp white dress shirt to put on next. He shrugged into it and I reached out to pull him closer, bringing one of his arms up between us and buttoning the sleeve for him and then reaching for his other arm to do the same. While he was tucking the tails of the shirt into his pants and zipping up, I grabbed the jacket to his suit and held it up for him.

"Thanks….you ready to do this?" he asked pulling me forward and resting his forehead to mine. I took a deep breath and pulled back to look into his eyes as I offered him one hand, holding the wrap with the other.

"Together?" I asked and Peeta placed his hand in mine.

"Together." He nodded and leaned in for one more kiss…just as the intercom crackled to life again and we were treated to a belligerent Haymitch hollering at us.

_"Boy, you better get off of her and both of you get your asses down here RIGHT quick so we can leave for this silly banquet where there better be PLENTY of alcohol waiting for me!" _

Peeta and I looked at each other and burst out laughing as I slipped into my heels and we headed for the door.

"I missed him." I said when Peeta opened the door for me and I stepped out into the hall.

"Me too, me too." he said and linked his arm with mine as we headed for the large staircase to the first floor.

_To be continued…_


	17. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

"Hey, you doing okay?"

I turned my head at the faint sound of Peeta's voice coming from over my left shoulder. It was a wonder I heard him at all over the band playing on the dance floor just inside the door. I had snuck out onto a balcony of the large mansion the welcome banquet was being held in to enjoy my drink in something close to peace and quiet.

We had been at the banquet for nearly three hours, being passed around from adoring fan to adoring fan. I had hoped it would feel different than when we'd been in the Capitol on the victory tour, but most of them were still the same out-of-touch Capitol citizens only with a little less glitz and glamour. One of the conditions that had been set forth as part of the change in government was that it was no longer 'Panem et Circenses' for the Capitol citizens.

Everyone had to work to earn their keep equally whether Capitol citizen or District 11 field laborer.

I shrugged as Peeta came to lean against the railing I was resting my elbows on with my drink dangling from one hand. He sighed and took off his jacket, slipping it around my shoulders as I stood back and turned to look up at him.

"I'm sorry I'm not being more sociable and kinda leaving you to do all of the talking…" I whispered and glanced over at the door as a particularly rowdy group of partiers stumbled by. I hurried into Peeta's embrace to avoid any of them seeing me. He chuckled and wrapped his arms around me, rubbing my back to keep me warm in the chill of the winter night.

"It's alright…I'm not having a very good time either to tell you the truth." He mumbled against my hair. I didn't need to venture much of a guess as to _why _he wasn't having a good time. The Hunger Games might have been over, but in the eyes of most of the people attending this banquet, we were still 'victors' and as such, were subject to one imposing question after another about our personal lives.

We might not have had much, but the privacy of our life together was more valuable than anything we could buy with the money the bakery or selling game brought in.

I nodded and tucked my head under his chin like I often did at night in bed. "I can't help it…I still hate them." I admitted and Peeta's arms tightened around me.

I thought I might feel about the 'new' Capitol citizens like I had my silly prep team; imagining them as spoiled children or excitable pets but the truth was, I had reached a limit so far past being able to write off their behavior as being 'all they ever knew' or 'part of their lifestyle' like Plutarch tried to convince me. I'd seen and lived through too much to care about hurting their feelings anymore. There's something very enlightening about riding on a train through starving district after starving district that makes life in the Capitol seem just that much more despicable.

"I know you do…so do I." Peeta whispered against my head and I finally put my arms around him too after downing the rest of my drink and dropping my glass on the stone floor of the balcony with a satisfying shatter. "You wanna get out of here? I think Annie wanted to put the baby to bed soon, we could ride back in the limo with her." He offered.

"Yes, please." I answered immediately making Peeta chuckle as he dropped another kiss on my head. He took my hand and led me back into the ballroom and took me over to where Annie was standing with a crowd around her and little Zale. I had no idea where Johanna was and had last seen Effie and Haymitch when we'd first arrived and exchanged pleasantries with Plutarch.

"Let Annie know we're leaving and see if she'd like to ride with us, I'm going to go let the driver know and grab your wrap." He said releasing my hand and heading for the main entrance.

I looked up at the crowd I'd have to pass through to get to Annie as if they were leeches. Annie was the center of their attention so none of them noticed me skimming around the outer rim of the group except for Annie herself and only because she was facing me. She caught my eye and I nodded toward the door as I slipped through the crowd and came up to her side.

"Peeta's getting the driver, you want to ride back with us?" I asked as quietly as I could and Annie's eyes widened in thanks and she shifted the baby to one shoulder. I could tell she was tired and offered clumsily to take the baby from her.

"Thanks Katniss, I appreciate it." She sighed, obviously relieved and started to hand the baby over to me. I had noticed that she was purposely keeping anyone else from holding him all night even though there were plenty of adoring 'fans' of Finnick who had obviously shown interested in holding his child.

"Oh Annie! Let me hold him! I want a turn!" One of the Capitol women beside me started pushing forward as I took little Zale in my arms and it set off a domino effect of everyone in the group pushing and shoving to get to him. I cupped one hand on the back of the baby's head and tucked him closer into my body with the other as I pushed back, working to get through them all. Zale started crying halfway through the group and I felt Annie holding onto my arm as we propelled ourselves forward.

"Katniss?! Katniss is he alright?" Annie asked from behind me and I could hear the panic rising in her voice. I let go of his head to push the hands away that were reaching out to grab at the little boy.

"Stop! Don't touch him!" I growled at them and the baby cried harder and struggled in my arms. "He's alright Annie, just scared!" I called out to her and felt her grip on my arm tighten. Annie was becoming just as agitated as the baby and I was feeling like I wanted to curl up and cry myself when we finally broke through the circle and I almost ran straight into Peeta's chest.

"Oh! Peeta!" I gasped and grabbed onto his shirt tightly. I could feel him reaching behind me, presumably to grab onto Annie as well, and he pulled us both swiftly away from the crowd and into a hallway. When I was able to get my wits about me again, I realized Annie was standing with her hands over her ears and rocking back and forth slightly as Peeta stood in front of her holding the baby and talking softly to her. I hadn't even felt him take the baby from me.

"Is the car out front?" I asked taking my wrap from him and throwing it around Annie's shoulders.

"Yeah, let's go out the back way though…" Peeta whispered with shaky breaths. I could tell the incident with he crowd had shaken him as well. He snapped out of it a little when the baby began to cry again and I handed him his coat which he put on and then tucked the little guy into his coat, buttoning him into his arms as we each took one of Annie's elbows and led her toward the back exit.

As we slipped out the back, I noticed that Peeta had also grabbed the bag Annie brought in with her containing diapers and extra clothing for Zale. From the smell of the poor little guy, he was going to need it when we got to the car.

Once we were free of the mansion and in the crisp winter air, Annie seemed to calm considerably and turned to reach for the baby as we rounded the corner of the building and the limo came into view.

"I've got him Annie, get in the car and I'll hand him in to you." Peeta said, still keeping a strong hold on Zale as we reached the car. The driver was waiting for us and opened the door quickly, letting me slide in first so that I could help Annie in. Peeta climbed in last and dropped onto one of the plush benches in the limo and quickly began unbuttoning his jacket to slide the baby out.

I placed one of the warm blankets from the baby's bag on Annie's lap and she quickly wrapped Zale up in it when Peeta placed him in her arms.

"Ohh…my sweet baby," She cooed and held him tight. "I'm so sorry…I'm so sorry…I'd never, ever let them hurt you…never…" she murmured and kissed all over his head as she rocked him back and forth in her arms. I could see her hand shaking as she ran it over Zale from head to toe making sure he was alright.

"I'm so sorry Annie, I should have stayed with you…I just…I needed to get out of there for a few minutes and I…" Annie shook her head and reached over to hold one of my hands in my lap where I was wringing them together nervously.

"Don't Katniss, I understand…trust me, I understand." She said weakly as she continued to try and steady her breathing. We locked eyes for a moment and I could see that she truly did. "Peeta…" She said with a little more strength and cleared her throat. "Could you hand me his bag, I need to change his diaper." She said and Peeta grabbed a diaper and cloth wipes and set them on the seat beside Annie.

He turned back to me as Annie lay the baby down and started to unbutton his outfit.

"You okay?" he asked in a hushed voice and pulled me into his side. I nodded, still not taking my eyes off of Annie and the baby.

"I'm fine, are they alright?" I whispered back and Peeta started rubbing his hand that was around my shoulders up and down my arm to warm me up. He just nodded and tugged me closer into his side. As he did, I could feel that he too was trembling. "Are _you_ okay?" I asked turning my head to look up into his eyes with a sad laugh.

Peeta took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment before he nodded and rested his head to mine. "I'll be fine…better once we get back to our room." He murmured and I finally relaxed with the realization that Peeta wouldn't likely be having an episode tonight.

When Annie finished cleaning up the baby, she wrapped him back up in his blanket and snuggled him into her arms as he quieted down and dozed the rest of the way back. When we pulled up in front of the large estate where we were all staying, Peeta climbed out first and held the door open for myself and Annie, taking the sleeping baby from her without a word, and carrying him inside.

"I'll put him down if you want to help Annie get ready for bed." Peeta whispered to me as we climbed the stairs to the second floor and turned right at the landing to head towards Joanna and Annie's rooms. I just nodded and linked my arm with Annie's smiling at her softly when she shot me a tired but appreciative look.

Avitus, who had followed us up from the first floor, opened the door for us all and I led Annie straight to the bathroom while Peeta laid the baby in the middle of the bed, removed his suit coat and unbuttoned and rolled his sleeves. I saw him climbing onto the end of the bed with the baby in front of him as I guided Annie into the bathroom after grabbing a pair of pajamas and a robe for her along the way.

"Do you want me to turn the shower on for you?" I asked her as I unzipped her dress for her and she stepped out of it when it hit the floor. "Might make you feel a little better…" I said with a shrug and she looked toward the door back into the bedroom where Peeta was with the baby. "We'll stay here with him until you're done, it's no problem, take your time Annie." I said gently and watched her shoulders slump in relief.

"Tha…that would be w…wonderful, thank you Katniss…" She said meekly as I took a towel out of the linen closet and set it on the counter for her. I was suddenly reminded of the video of the reapings from the Quarter Quell and the hysterics Annie had been in when her name was called. I touched her shoulder gently and gave her a reassuring smile which she tried her best to return.

"No problem. Like I said, take your time okay? We've got Zale…you just take care of yourself first."

I shut the door behind me as I went back into the main bedroom and found Peeta lying on the end of the bed, his shoes kicked off and his head propped up on one elbow as he patted the squirming baby's bottom.

"Thought he was asleep…" I said leaning against the dresser across from them and folding my arms over my chest. I was starting to see what Peeta meant when he told me it showed on every inch of my body when I was uncomfortable with a situation. Of course, it didn't help that he also smiled at me from where he was on the bed in the way that let me know that was _exactly_ what he was thinking at the moment.

"Gettin' there." He whispered and cocked his head to call me over to him. I approached the bed carefully and kicked off my own shoes before slipping onto the bed in front of Peeta. He raised his arm to let me in and then reached over my waist to resume patting the baby. Despite my general discomfort being around an infant, I couldn't help but smile at the little guy when he cooed and tried his hardest to focus on my face and then Peeta's.

His droopy eyes were quickly betraying him and he grunted and squealed a few times, rubbing his face into the mattress. While my reaction was to stiffen, paralyzed with a lack of knowledge as to what to do next, Peeta leaned forward and kissed the back of my shoulder softly once and quietly began to 'shush' the baby as he moved his hand up to rub circles on Zale's tiny back.

"How are you so good at this?" I whispered and snuggled back into his arms. I felt Peeta shrug behind me.

"I dunno…I guess I feel kind of a uhhh… camaraderie with helpless creatures at the mercy of bigger, more powerful beings." He said starting to laugh softly until I threw a dirty look at him over my shoulder.

"Don't joke about that." I scolded. "There's nothing funny about what happened to you, Peeta." I argued and he sighed and smiled softly as the baby quickly lost his battle to stay awake.

"Sorry, it's just…easier for me sometimes I guess." He whispered beside my ear and chuckled softly when the baby groaned in his sleep, probably still protesting the need for rest in his dreams.

We lay like that for several minutes and the only sound in the room was the quiet noises the baby was making as he fought sleep and the trickle of water from the shower in the bathroom.

"How's Annie doing?" Peeta asked softly and continued rubbing the baby's back to make sure he was asleep. I shrugged and leaned my head back so that it was resting against his chest.

"I told her to try taking a shower. I thought the warm water might make her feel better and help her to relax." I said quietly so that I wouldn't wake the baby. I felt Peeta nod again and He slowly sat up and reached over me to lift the baby into his arms.

"Sounds like good advice that maybe we should follow when we get back to our room?" he suggested, bouncing the baby from side to side gently as he walked over to the crib and laid him down. "Fill the tub maybe? Take a nice relaxing bath?" he said moving back over to the bed and scooping both pairs of our shoes up along the way.

I nodded and sat up on the end of the bed to make room for him to sit down just as the door opened and Annie came out in pajamas and a bathrobe drying her hair with a towel.

Peeta sat down on the bed with me and smiled at Annie as she walked over to peek at the baby. "Thanks for…for helping with him and watching him while I showered." She said looking at first Peeta and then me. "I feel much better now so I should probably get some sleep before his next feeding." She whispered, still a little anxious and leaned against the edge of the crib for a moment, looking down at her son.

I smiled sadly when she reached into the crib and stroked a finger over the little cleft in his chin just like I had seen her do to Finnick several times. I couldn't imagine how hard it had to be for her to look at her son every single day and see the husband she lost. I added that to my list of reasons never to marry or have children myself.

Peeta stood from the bed first and I followed him. "Okay, well you know where we are if you need anything just give us a call." He said walking over to Annie. He leaned in and kissed her cheek as she placed a hand warmly on his bicep.

"Thank you Peeta, for everything." She whispered and hugged me next. Her embrace was so warm and honest that I accepted it without any hesitation and whispered the same offer Peeta had just made in order to reinforce it in her mind.

"Seriously, anything you need, we're just down the hall…"I said and then grinned and rolled my eyes. "Well…down the hall, like a mile…but you know what I mean." I chuckled and pulled back from the hug.

Annie laughed weakly and nodded as she walked us to the door. "I will thanks. Good night." She whispered as we stepped out into the hall and she gently shut the door behind us. I reached over for Peeta's hand and entwined my fingers with his as we walked quietly down the hall to our room.

"She's amazing." I said shaking my head as we passed the stairs and Peeta told Avitus we were all good for the night but he should keep an eye out for Johanna stumbling in sometime later.

"She is, isn't she?" Peeta said shaking his head as we got to our door and he unlocked it. "I don't know how she does it with the baby all on her own and still keeps herself together." He admitted as I went inside the room ahead of him and turned on the lights.

I gave a mirthless laugh and pushed the top of my dress down enough that I could reach the zipper and then let it fall to the floor as I headed into the bathroom to start the faucet on the big tub. "Yeah, especially since the two of us can barely take care of our own selves without the other's or Haymitch's help." I called across the room and turned my head when Peeta came strolling into the bathroom in just his boxers. He sat against the counter and stretched his arms over his head with a yawn.

"Zale's a good baby at least. He's really a cute kid huh?" He asked with a goofy smile and stared across the bathroom. I sensed the 'kids one day' conversation coming on and realized I'd have to redirect Peeta pretty quickly if I wanted to avoid it. Luckily, I had gotten pretty good at redirection when it came to Peeta.

"Yeah, he's great." I said turning and slipping out of my panties which I then slingshot across the bathroom right into his face. Peeta startled and tossed the underwear over his shoulder onto the countertop with a chuckle and shook his head. He pushed his boxers off and unlatched his leg before he made his way over to the claw-footed tub and slipped in so that he was leaning against the back. I lowered the lights and climbed into the tub, sitting down in front of him between his thighs and leaning back against his chest.

We both took a deep breath and released it slowly as Peeta brought his arms down around me and folded his hands over my middle. When he began to stroke my abdomen lightly, I knew that the baby conversation wasn't quite as over as I had thought. I was right.

"Do you really _never_ want to have kids, Kat?" Peeta whispered against my ear and kissed my cheek softly. When I stiffened, Peeta rested his hands on either side of my hips and I felt him shake his head behind me.

"I'm not talking about like…tomorrow or next year, or even five years from now, I just mean…don't you think maybe _someday_ you might want to have kids?...like…_my_ kids?" he mumbled nervously and I flipped over in his arms, sitting up a little to straddle his thighs and reached up to stroke his cheek.

You know, that night on the beach in the Quarter Quell, when you showed me the pictures in your locket and tried to convince me to be the one to go home…" Peeta nodded, remembering the night. Obviously he remembered _a lot_ about that night because when I said this, his eyes dropped quickly to my lips and then slid slowly back up to my eyes. "…I tried to imagine you as a father…" I admitted and smiled as I pictured his still boyish looks in a little baby like Zale. "…tried to imagine a world where a child of yours would be safe from the Games, the control of the Capitol…all of it." I whispered and brought one hand up to touch the skin over his heart.

"It's here Katniss, that world is _now_." He whispered back emphatically and placed his hands on my waist. "The Games are over, Sweetie…you and I are together…" he whispered and tugged me forward so that our chests were nearly touching. "I love you and I would do everything in my power to protect our child just like I would you. Our child would be as safe as anyone with two Hunger Games victors for parents could be." He said with a soft smile and leaned forward to kiss my lips lightly.

I couldn't help but smile at his remark about having victors for parents, but I still wasn't sure about the idea of having children. When Peeta pulled back from the kiss, the hopeful look in his eyes melted my heart to goo. I couldn't possibly say 'no', so instead I leaned in and kissed him again with a murmured a promise that I wouldn't say 'never' again when it came to kids.

"Good." Peeta whispered against my lips and pulled me flush against him. "Anyway, I'm not saying that I want them tomorrow…" he teased. "I am kinda enjoying having you all to myself a little too much right now." He grunted and raised his hips to mine, rubbing against me lightly.

"Mmm…good answer." I chuckled and wrapped my arms around his neck as we sank down into the hot water together to unwind after such a difficult night.

When I woke up in the morning, I was lying upside down on our bed with one foot resting on my pillow and the other across Peeta's chest where he lay sprawled out on his side of the bed. I lifted the top sheet covering us to find that neither of us had on a stitch of clothing. As I raised my head and blinked in the early morning light that was coming in through the bedroom window, (in our passion the night before, neither of us had bothered to close the curtains around the bed before we passed out) I noticed it must have still been pretty early so I spun around on the mattress and crawled up under the covers until I reached Peeta's side.

I settled onto my side gently with my head propped up on one arm as I watched Peeta who was still passed out. With his face slack and relaxed, he looked even younger than his 19 years, and it was easier to see what a child we might have together would look like than it had been when I pictured it the night before in the tub. I couldn't deny that there was a deeply buried biological urge I felt to have Peeta's child. I was in love with him and procreation is our most basic instinct as part of a drive to continue the species.

That aside, I was absolutely certain they'd be pretty damn cute.

As I was thinking this over, Peeta rolled to his stomach with a yawn and frowned in his sleep as he sensed the light from the sunrise in his eyes. I laughed softly when he immediately stuffed his head under his pillow and put his arms over top of it to hold it down.

"Hey, come on…" I laughed and reached over to pull the pillow off of his head. "We're up early enough to have some breakfast brought up to the room so that we don't have to go down to the dining room later and deal with grouchy, likely hungover, Johanna!" I teased and climbed over him to the other side where I could see his face was turned under the pillow.

Peeta peeked an eye out at me and groaned. "I've kinda been enjoying sleeping in and not having to get up at the ass-crack of dawn to bake though." He pouted and I rolled my eyes.

"Well…if you do wake up…" I said leaning over to kiss his shoulder. "Maybe you could pass the time while we're waiting for our breakfast to be cooked with a little private painting session…" I suggested and Peeta pulled his head out from under the pillow and cocked his head at me.

"I'm listening…" he said still a little groggy but obviously interested in what I was going to say. Instead of saying a word, I used my toes from where I was lying on my side, to work the covers down off of both of us until I was laying naked before him.

Peeta took one long look at me before he leaned over and punched the intercom buzzer that would connect us to Avitus. "Better make sure we order a lot so it'll take a while for him to bring it up." He rushed out and I threw my head back and laughed.

Aside from the time Peeta had done a painting of me from memory after our first night together, and the time he had quite literally _painted_ me, I had never in the time we'd been together posed on purpose for him, and certainly not while I was naked.

Despite my comfort with him, I could still be a little sensitive about my scarred body from time to time and so I had never actually offered to sit for him to sketch or paint me.

We ordered our breakfast and Peeta climbed out of bed and pulled a pair of warm sleep pants on as he practically bounded over to the easel like an excited puppy towards a big bowl of food.

"Where do you want me to lay…or…be…or…." I stammered and turned onto my stomach and dropped my face into the pillow. "I'm sorry, this seemed like a good idea a few minutes ago and now I'm a little freaked out." I admitted and Peeta chuckled as he prepped his paints and brushes and turned the easel so that he would have the right light.

He looked around the room for a moment until his eyes fell on the cushioned window seat to the left of the balcony doors.

"Peeta…" I warned and he grinned and looked over at me.

"It's still early yet, no one'll see you." He argued, still grinning and walked over to the bed and grabbed two of the decorative throw pillows which he carried over to the window and arranged against the side of the window with the most light.

I sighed and chewed on my bottom lip a moment as Peeta turned back to me and placed his hands on his hips.

"It'll be fine, I'm going to have you looking out the window anyway so if you happen to see anyone, just get up and move away from the window." He said patting the long cushion gently to beckon me over.

I chewed my lip for a moment longer and then slipped off of the bed slowly and made my way over to him, hoping that Peeta realized just how big of a deal this was to me. Even without the burn scars, being a young woman with a body that was still developing from that of an adolescent to an adult, I had some hang ups about the way I looked completely nude. It was one thing for Peeta to see me that way while we made love, but it was an entirely different situation altogether to have him paying the kind of close attention to each inch of my body that he would need to in order to place it on the canvas.

I was wondering if this was a good idea for the 30th time in the ten seconds it took me to make the walk from the bed to the window seat, when Peeta reached out and took my hands, pulling me forward so that they were resting on his hips just above the waist of his pants.

"Relax." He said breathing in deeply through his nose and letting the breath out through his parted lips. He raised his eyebrows and took another deep breath which I assumed was my cue to do the same.

I breathed in enough air to power a hovercraft from here in the Capitol all the way back to our home in 12 and then let it out through my lips like Peeta.

"Come're." he mumbled and tugged me forward into his arms and tilted my chin so that he could kiss me. We kissed deeply as our hands began to wander over each other's bodies and Peeta turned us, pressing me against the little strip of wall separating the balcony doors and the window seat. My pulse quickened and I felt that familiar warmth pooling between my legs. I didn't even notice Peeta was subtly guiding me over to the window seat until I way lying with my head and shoulders propped on the pillows he'd placed there and my leg closest to the glass of the window was bent so that the bottom of the foot was lying flat. My other leg, the one closes to Peeta, hung a little to the side with the lower part of my leg past the knee dangling over the edge of the window seat.

He pulled back from kissing me with a smile and took the arm that was against the window and folded it behind my head so that my ear was resting against my forearm as if I was simply relaxing on a picnic blanket in the warm sun of summer. Instead though, I was naked and stretched out in what Peeta was quickly turning into a sexy but tasteful position to be painted in. My breathing was heavy from our kisses and my cheeks were hot which told me they were likely red, and my eyes glassy with want based on the way Peeta was staring intently into them. He lifted my other arm from where it was resting at my side and settled it gently on my hip, angling it down so that I could feel my finger tips were just barely grazing the line where my pubic hair began.

I shifted my legs at the look of heat in his eyes and licked my lips unconsciously, trying to resist the urge to squirm. The corners of Peeta's lips quirked up in a little smile as he backed away and looked me over where I was stretched out for him.

"Alright, perfect…" Peeta smiled and backed up to stand beside the easel. "Now, just…just turn your head slowly and tilt your chin up so that you're looking out that middle pane of glass there." He said indicating a small square of glass just above my head.

"It's really cold." I said with a smile and bit my bottom lip as I adjusted my head the way he asked me to. I felt gooseflesh spreading all over my body and the strain of my nipples tightening under his gaze.

"I'll try to do the outlining quickly." Peeta promised as he hopped onto the stool by the easel so that he was facing me and picked up a brush. I nodded slowly and kept my eyes trained out the window, picking out a building far out in the city and focusing on the peak of it as I tried to steady my breathing.

"Relax, Kat…it's just you and me here." Peeta whispered in that multitasking tone that told me he had begun painting but was trying to put me at ease at the same time.

I took a deep breath and willed my body to relax and melt into the comfortable cushion and the soft, fluffy pillows behind me. It must have worked.

"Good, good…now just lay right like you are and relax…" he said and I could hear his voice dropping an octave or two in the husky way it did when he was very turned on. "You're gorgeous." He said with such awe that I had to fight to keep my legs where they were when all they wanted was to rub together.

"Hey! Lie still!" Peeta chuckled and I sighed again, fighting a smile on my lips as I cut my eyes over at him. Bastard. He was adjusting his sleep pants as he shifted on the stool and I immediately knew he was having just as difficult a time as I was to avoid saying 'forget the painting and just take me right here in the window.'

"I'm trying!" I screeched and my body shook with laughter as I tried to hold the pose.

"Katniss…" Peeta said in a warning voice. "Behave or I'll tickle you mercilessly when I'm done here." He laughed and I shook my head slightly and stretched my lips over my teeth a few times trying to regain a neutral face. "Well you can still smile, jeez." He mumbled and I chuckled again and let my face rest in the easy smile that always from bantering with Peeta.

"Good girl." He said softly and I smiled a little wider and took a deep breath as I tried to focus only on the city in front of me.

We settled into a comfortable silence after that and I managed to actually relax and let go of my worries about how I looked long enough for Peeta to finish the outlining of his painting.

"Okay." He said clearing his throat after we'd been silent for a half hour. "Uh…you can get up now, I'm finished with the outlining. I can finish it up later tonight after the first part of our tour of the new city." He rubbed the back of his head and I could see he was adjusting his sleep pants again.

"Or…I could stay right here and you could come over and keep me company until breakfast gets here…" I said and Peeta smiled and stood from the stool. He was just starting to walk over to me when there was a knock on our door.

We looked at each other and sighed heavily before I climbed from the window as Peeta grabbed my robe and slipped it around my shoulders. "To be continued." He whispered and pecked a kiss on my cheek quickly.

He went to the door and opened it slowly to reveal Haymitch leaning against our cart of food. "Room service." He smirked and looked between the two of us with just a hint of anger in his eyes. Shit. We hadn't let Haymitch and Effie know we were leaving the banquet the night before.

"Oh, Haymitch…I'm so sorry!" I gasped as he pushed the cart into our room and over to the dining table. I cut a glance at the easel and was relieved to find that Peeta had turned it toward the corner of the room, probably while I was tying the sash on my robe.

"For which part?" Haymitch asked taking one of the lids off of a random tray and helping himself to the plate beneath it. He must have known that in our shame, neither Peeta nor I was going to protest sharing our food with him. He plunked himself down in one of the chairs at the table and set his plate in front of him. "The part where you left the banquet without telling us, or the part where no one thought to call once you got back here and let myself or Effie know what the _Hell_ was going on?" he spat out and we had the decency to look ashamed of ourselves.

We stood beside one another waiting for the scolding to continue but Haymitch just looked up at us from his food and sighed. "Well don't just stand there, take your plates and sit down." He growled and we both hopped into action, setting the table with the rest of the covered plates.

"For Pete's sake, why did you order so much food? It's not like you didn't eat just last night." He mumbled more to himself than to us as we sat down in the chairs across from him and started to eat.

We sat in silence and for a few minutes, the only sound in the room was our utensils scraping against the plates. "So go ahead, explain yourselves before I order tracking bracelets to be permanently placed on each of your ankles." Haymitch said sitting back in his chair and pouring about a quarter of a flash he produced from his pocket into his coffee cup.

Peeta and I cut each other a look, trying to decide who was going to be the one to speak first. I set my knife and fork down on my plate indicating that I would be the one to explain this time. "It was these stupid Capitol people." I started and cut a nasty look towards the window overlooking the city. "Peeta was fine, it wasn't an episode or anything…" I said knowing that would be the first thing Haymitch would think and be worried about. "They were all crowding around Annie and the baby and I was having a shitty time to begin with so I went to ask Annie if she wanted to leave while Peeta got my wrap and told the driver we wanted to go…"

Haymitch listened patiently while I explained the rest of the incident with the mobbing crowd, the crying baby and Annie quickly falling to pieces. He sighed and glanced toward the door, probably thinking about stopping in to check on Annie next.

"Why didn't you come find Effie or I?" he asked more gently when I was finished telling the story. I shook my head and twisted my hands in my lap as I felt tears welling in my eyes. Peeta reached over and placed a large, warm palm over my hands and squeezed them supportively.

"We just wanted to get the fuck out of there, Haymitch." He supplied for me. I couldn't have said it better myself. Haymitch looked up from his drink and watched us both closely for a long moment before he took a sip and set the cup down on the saucer with a gentle clink.

"Alright, well I'll talk to Plutarch. Get personal security for each of you for the rest of the week." He said and waited a beat until we were both looking at him. "I won't let anyone that close to any of you, or that baby, unless you give the o.k…understood?" he asked gently and we both nodded vigorously.

"Thanks Haymitch." Peeta said meekly and I cut my eyes over to him and saw that he was fighting back tears. I turned my hands over underneath his and squeezed his hand tightly to let him know I was there. When I looked over at Haymitch again, his face was a mixture of sadness, determination and a hint of empathy that reminded me he too, was a Hunger Games victor.

"No problem, kid. Just take it easy, you've done well so far with all of this." Haymitch said with a cough that signaled he'd reached his touchy-feely limit for the day. I smiled softly and squeezed Peeta's hand once more before releasing it and picking up my fork and knife again and digging into the pile of pancakes in front of me.

Peeta did the same and we both began to ravenously down our food. If I remembered correctly, we'd worked up quite an appetite the previous evening after we returned from the banquet.

Haymitch just sighed and rolled his eyes as he dug into his own food and Peeta and I smiled shyly down at our plates as we realized he must have drawn the same conclusion about why we were so hungry. When I looked up from my plate, Haymitch's cheeks had pinked slightly and I couldn't contain the snort of laughter that bubbled out of me if I tried. It turned into full fledged laughter when I heard Peeta make a similar sound and then start choking on his orange juice.

"You're both perverts, you know that right?" Haymitch said sourly which just made us laugh harder.

A little later, when we had all eaten, showered and dressed for the day, we met on the first floor in the foyer to wait for the limo that would take us on our first day of touring the changes in the Capitol.

When Peeta and I got to the foyer, Johanna was there, wishing us a good morning quietly which told me Annie had probably filled her in on what happened the night before as they were both standing together talking in hushed tones.

We nodded and wished her the same before I noticed Haymitch and Effie standing just behind them. I still couldn't get over how different Effie looked without buckets of make-up and with her natural hair which was a very pretty honey blonde color and hung to just above her shoulders.

She was leaning forward towards Haymitch's chest and smiling so I leaned around Peeta a little to get a better look and found that Haymitch was holding little Zale in his arms. The baby was fixated on Effie who was making irritating cutesy baby noises at him. Haymitch was frowning at Effie's attempts to entertain the baby and was rocking back and forth from foot to foot slowly.

"Careful there Haymitch," I said coming up behind him and grabbing onto his shoulders. He turned his head quickly and furrowed his brow. I could tell he wasn't sure whether to ask what I meant or leave well enough alone since I was probably going to say something smartass to him.

Well, I was.

"You could give that kid a contact buzz just breathing in his face." I grinned and Haymitch smirked.

"Hardy, har har." He said sticking his tongue out at me which made Peeta laugh. Effie reached out to take the baby from him carefully and looked at the three of us with her typical disapproval of our lack of manners.

"Now behave you three, we've got a very busy day ahead of us." She chirped and walked over to give the baby back to Annie.

I reached out to hold Peeta's hand as Haymitch turned to face us fully and stuffed his hands into his pockets. "Talked to Plutarch an hour ago." He said quietly. "He's set up the extra security beginning today. You'll each have a full time body guard with you this week whenever you set foot off this property." He promised and I felt Peeta relax considerably beside me.

"Did you tell Annie and Johanna?" I asked looking over at them and Haymitch smiled.

"Why do you think she let me hold her little drool maker there?" He said with a smirk and I couldn't help myself, I released Peeta's hand quickly and grabbed Haymitch, pulling him into a tight hug.

"Thank you." I whispered beside his ear and he brought his arms up around me in surprise and then tenderly hugged me back.

"You're welcome, Sweetheart." He whispered and kissed my cheek softly before I pulled back. We smiled at each other for a moment before Avitus appeared from the hallway and announced that the limo was pulling up. Everyone pulled on warm winter coats and we all smiled at the baby who Annie bundled so tightly into a snowsuit that his little arms and legs couldn't move and all we could see were his big green eyes under the hood.

"Ready?" I asked Peeta as we started out the front door ahead of everyone else and saw 4 big burly men in suits climb out of the limousine and open the doors for us all to climb in.

"Yeah, let's go." Peeta said more confidently than he'd sounded in the two days since we arrived in the Capitol. I smiled and leaned in to kiss him softly before we headed down the walkway to the waiting car.


	18. Interlude 2

Interlude 2

"You…you watch that one there now Finn! He's got a nasty bite on him!" Haymitch bellowing at my son pulls me out of yet another memory of days past and I sit up from where I have been lying on a blanket in his backyard. My eyes search every corner of the fenced in space quickly as I try to see where my toddler son is and what kind of trouble he's getting himself into now.

Peeta loves having children and he's stuck to that promise to keep our family safe to the best of his ability, but he didn't count on the fact that once they start walking, children develop a habit of trying to find certain death around every corner. It's a wonder either of us survived _one _child becoming mobile not to mention a second one.

I start to call out to the little boy when I see him chasing down a large goose with the kind of determination that usually ends in scraped knees and tears, when the bird suddenly turns on him and pecks him right in his upper thigh. Finn drops to his bottom in the grass with a look of complete and utter shock. I'd laugh at the expression on his face except that I know a wailing cry isn't far behind.

"Oh no, Finn!" My beautiful little girl suddenly comes running across the yard from the rock garden where she has been searching for 'extra special beautiful stones' to keep as treasures. She's wearing a little sundress that flows around her as she runs barefoot through the grass to his side.

When he realizes that he has the undivided attention of everyone in the yard, Finn's face screws up and he begins to scream, even throwing himself on his back to add a little spark of drama to the situation.

Haymitch chuckles from where he is sitting beside me in a large comfy lawn chair and shakes his head. "He's a real piece of work that one." He says nodding towards the children. "Better go save him before the police come and investigate us for child abuse." He grins at me and I sigh and climb to my feet.

"It just encourages him when we pay attention to this you know…" I mutter as I stroll over to the scene my little boy is so noisily making. Bow is beside herself trying to sooth her best buddy, stroking his blonde curls out of his eyes, hugging and kissing him, but he's having none of it. It isn't until I'm about 5 feet away that I can make out who my son is howling for.

"Da-dee! I w…w…wan' my Da-dee!" He wails nearing hysterics and I scoop him up and hug him close.

"N…no! M…my DA-DEE!" Finn screams and does what we refer to around the house as the 'croissant' (because the shape of his body when he arches his back to get away from your grip bears a striking resemblance to the pastry we sell in our bakery) as I try to carry him back over to the blanket where his toys are scattered around on the grass.

I try pulling up the leg of his shorts, which are the only thing besides his diaper that he has allowed me to put on him on this humid summer day, as he continues to kick and scream. I finally manage to angle him towards Haymitch so he can tell me if there's any marks that need immediate attention. When he waves a hand at me indicating that Finn is fine, I do the only thing I can, which is place him in the middle of the blanket where he can't hurt himself or anyone else and let him cry.

"You come up here with Paw-Paw little man, I'll take a look at the ouchie that mean old goose gave you." Haymitch offers and holds his hands out to Finn. Bow, who has followed me back to the blanket, quietly walks over to the chair Haymitch is in and climbs into his lap wrapping her arms around his neck.

"I want Daddy too…" She whimpers into his chest and Haymitch looks up at me startled and starts patting Bow's back and stroking his hand over the back of her head.

"Ahh…don't cry little Sweetheart…" He coos and wraps Bow up in his arms as she really begins to cry. I bring both hands to my face for a moment and dig the heels of my hands into my eyes.

I wish I could say this is the first time my children have fallen apart while Peeta is 'gone' during an episode, but it's not. Bow, who has always been a Daddy's girl, was devastated at about 2 and a half when Peeta spent 3 days in the bedroom with the red X on the door. She found it impossible to understand that her Daddy was home but couldn't hold her or play with her, or make her cookies.

I had to send her to Haymitch for one of the nights and the other, I spent cramped and exhausted curled up in her little toddler bed with her. It hadn't helped that I was also in the beginning of my second trimester carrying Finn.

As I pull my hands away from my eyes and try my damndest to force that brave face back into position, I see Haymitch looking over at the upstairs windows of my house and know Peeta must be there looking out at us. If I turn, I'll see him and the sadness that comes with each awful, devastating visit from that red letter on the doorknob and so I don't.

Instead, I kneel down next to my son who is still weeping for his father, remove my pearl necklace and slip it over his tiny head. He stills when he feels the weight of it around his neck and sits up slowly, his breaths coming in short gasps and his face as red as the apples that grow on the trees behind our home in the fall.

I gasp and smile down at him, wagging my eyebrows with a fake excitement I hope I can sell him on.

"Oh my goodness, what do you have Finn?" I whisper and he brings a hand up to touch the rough braided metal of the chain, sliding his fingers down both sides of his neck until they reach the pearl. He pulls it out from his chest to get a better look at it as his breaths even out slightly.

"Pearl." He croaks and smiles up at me sadly, his gray eyes mirroring the sadness in my own. I nod and reach out to stroke one of his hot little cheeks and he leans into my touch enough that I chance reaching for him.

"Yes, that's our pearl, right?" I whisper and scoop him up into my lap as I sit down on the blanket. "I can share it with you if you can calm down and be a big, big boy." I whisper beside his ear and Finn snuggles into my chest with a deep sigh.

"My Da…Da-dee…" he whimpers rubbing his shaggy hair with the hand not holding the pearl and looks up at me with tears welling in his eyes once more. I don't try to hide my own this time, thinking maybe it will help him to feel less alone if he knows that his mommy is missing Daddy just as much.

"I know baby, I miss him too…" I say and hug him close. I glance at Haymitch and Bow over Finn's head and see that my little girl is watching us with her head tucked safely under her Paw-Paw's chin. Tear tracks stain her cheeks and she is methodically stroking a piece of Haymitch's graying, chin-length hair.

"You wanna hear a secret?" I ask both children in a loud whisper and they nod their heads slowly. "After Daddy gave me this pearl, he…went away for a little and I was sooooo sad." I begin and both children hang on my every word. Haymitch leans his head back on the headrest of the chair as he continues to comfort Bow and his eyes flit back to the window of my house so I know Peeta must still be there.

"He came back though, right Mama?" Bow asks nervously and I smile.

"Of course he did baby, he always does, doesn't he?" I ask and she nods slowly once more. "Well, while he was gone, I used to kiss this pearl…" I say reaching out to touch the little iridescent ball hanging almost to Finn's belly. "…and pretend it was Daddy's lips." I say with an animated 'silly mommy smile' and Bow giggles.

"You kiss Daddy a lot." She says through another peal of giggles.

"Yes, yes she does." Haymitch smirks and I make sure to give him a quick disapproving look before I turn my attention back to my story.

"Anyway…" I continue. "kissing the pearl was like a magic trick! I still missed Daddy but I felt a little better when I kissed it and it helped me remember that he would be with me again soon." I explain and Bow finally lifts her head and wipes her eyes with the backs of her hands.

"Can I try it?" She asks climbing down from Haymitch's lap after pecking him on the cheek in thanks for his comfort.

I nod and open my arms to her as she comes to sit in my lap, her legs overlapping her brother's as they squirm around to find enough room that they both can share. She reaches out to lift the pearl away from Finn's chest and he hunches his shoulders with a giggle as she leans in with eyes closed to kiss the little piece of jewelry.

When she pulls back, Bow smiles softly and holds the pearl up between her face and Finn's. "Your turn Finn-y!" She urges excitedly and Finn smiles shyly before quickly leaning forward and kissing the pearl. As soon as he pulls back, he flips over in my arms and buries his head shyly in my neck.

"And now you Mommy! Now you!" Bow claps and I take my turn kissing Peeta's pearl.

When I pull back, I look down into Bow's beautiful blue eyes and she looks excitedly around in anticipation of this 'magic' happening soon.

"So? What do you think? Do you feel better?" I ask as Bow looks around and my breath catches in my throat when I see her gaze stop on our house and her spine stiffen. A slow smile graces her little face and she nods slowly and waves to her father in the window.

I feel a single tear slide down my cheek and I can't help it this time, I turn my head and look up at the window too. I see my Peeta there, standing at the window with one hand pressed to the glass. In his mid thirties now, he is no longer the baby-faced boy from the memories I have been having all day, but he is still just as, if not more handsome now as the man he's grown into. Finn still has his head buried in my chest so I chance blowing a quick kiss Peeta's way. He closes his hand against the window and Bow and I watch as he brings the imaginary kiss to his chest and presses it over his heart.

"I feel better Mommy…I think the magic worked." Bow whispers and lies her head on my chest beside her brother's.

"I think so too baby." I whisper and look over at Haymitch who is taking a long drag off of a flask which he then caps with a sigh.


	19. Chapter 17

_Now I'll be bold_  
_As well as strong_  
_And use my head alongside my heart_  
_So tame my flesh_  
_And fix my eyes_  
_A tethered mind freed from the lies_

Mumford and Sons- "I Will Wait"

Chapter 17

Our first stop on the tour was I suppose what they figured would be our most difficult; President Snow's former mansion. I guess their thinking was if they got it out of the way first, the rest of the trip would be easy. It was thoughtful of them, but I could have told them that they should have just counted on the whole visit in general being pretty damn difficult.

"You good?" Peeta whispered to me as we walked the hallways of the mansion turned museum. Everything on display in the hallways, bedrooms, grand ballrooms, told the story of President Coriolanus Snow. I realized it was meant as an informative journey through his life but it felt more like a celebration of the man instead.

I shrugged when Peeta asked if I was okay. "I guess…" I whispered back as we all filed out of a large, opulent study that had been President Snow's personal office and into the hall. We were led next towards a large room at the end of the hallway with a plaque on the door that identified it as the Third Quarter Quell Memorial Gallery: The Final Hunger Games.

"It just feels weird you know?" I said raising my shoulders as a chill went down my spine. "Shouldn't they be more focused on vilifying him rather than creating some sort of…shrine?" I asked waving my hand around to indicate the whole house.

"I think our next stop will help you to see that 'shrine' isn't exactly the right word, my dear." I startled slightly as Plutarch put his hand on my back gently and nodded toward that end doorway as we all came up to it.

Annie, the baby and Johanna were at the front of the group with the tour guide followed by Effie and Haymitch and then Peeta, myself and Plutarch. Our security detail, who was doing their best to keep out of our way, hung back leaning against the walls of the hallway behind us. They stayed there while the tour guide opened the large oak door and we followed her inside.

I could hear the gasps coming from the front of our group and steeled myself for whatever I was about to see. I assumed based on the word 'gallery' being in the name that it was a room full of pictures from the final games. I wasn't really interested in going in if that was the case, but since I hadn't heard Annie or Johanna up ahead of us losing it yet, I decided to keep going.

Peeta took my hand as we neared the doorway and smiled reassuringly at me, as if he already knew what we would find in there. I smiled back tentatively as we passed through the threshold and entered a dimly lit room. It was the only room we had been in so far that was lit as such and as I looked around, I quickly discovered the reason for that. The only light in the rooms came from individual picture lights affixed below portraits that stretched all the way around the large room.

As we stepped farther into the room, I realized that each portrait showed a tribute from our Quarter Quell in their interview attire and that they were paintings, not photographs. In the space between noticing the portraits and seeing that they were actually paintings, I was struck with the realization that they were all done by the same hand; Peeta's.

I spun on him, looking into his eyes and finding my confirmation there.

"Surprise." He said with a smile and a little shrug. I gaped at him as we began moving around the room looking at portrait after portrait. They were all there. Every former victor we entered our second arena with.

"When did…how…." I trailed off, unable to find the words to say to him. Peeta smiled and brought my hand to his lips as we stood between the portraits of Brutus from District 2 and Wiress from District 3. Beetee's portrait was next. I understood that he had been doing a bit of work in the Capitol lately and wouldn't be joining us until the unveiling of the memorial on Wednesday.

"It was part of my therapy during those months before I was allowed to return to 12." Peeta explained as we stood looking at the paintings in front of us. They were magnificent, of course. I turned and looked at the opposite wall where I assumed following the trail from 1 to 12, I would find mine and Peeta's portraits. I smiled when my eyes fell on the portrait of me, not in the wedding dress, but in the mockingjay it transformed into when I spun around on the stage at the end of my interview.

"Wow, so _that's_ what I look like with clothing on in a painting." I teased in a whisper as I leaned into Peeta's side. He brought his arms up around me and turned us so that we were face to face.

"Ha, ha…" he smirked and kissed the tip of my nose lightly. "Well remember, when I painted these I hadn't seen you _without_ clothes on yet…" he replied in the space between our lips and I leaned in to kiss him softly. "Speaking of, I'll require your modeling skills again this evening if you're available." He whispered. "I still have to finish that painting of you on the windowsill and…" I had been playing with the collar of Peeta's shirt and hadn't noticed he wasn't talking anymore until I felt him tense and looked up into his face.

He was looking to his right, down the line of portraits on the wall behind him and I followed his gaze until I saw what had captured his attention.

Annie was standing in front of Finnick's portrait with their son swaddled in her arms as they both stared up at the face of the husband and father they had lost. The baby was cooing and gurgling to himself, which drew the attention of everyone else in the room straight to the child and his mother.

I leaned into Peeta more, resting my head on his chest for a moment and wrapping my arms around his waist. It was so easy with the daily trials we faced between the nightmares, flashbacks, never knowing when Peeta might have an episode, to forget that we at least still had our lives. Watching Annie standing there in front of Finnick's portrait with the son he would never know lying in her arms brought that into sharp focus.

Peeta looked down at me, his eyes asking a silent question. I nodded and took his hand, following him over to stand by Annie. I noticed Johanna standing on the other side of her with her arm around Annie's shoulders and playing with one of Zale's little feet with her other hand.

I got close enough to Annie that I was able to hook one of my arms through hers to link us together since I was still holding one of Peeta's hands with the other. With his free hand, Peeta reached out and offered little Zale his finger which the baby happily took and shoved in his mouth.

We stood there, the 5 of us completely motionless as we looked at Finnick's confident, smiling face in his portrait. This was the way I wanted to remember my friend; smiling and whole and alive. Not torn apart by mutts like I saw happen to him on the day he died. It was a beautiful painting of Finnick in his interview clothes, sitting casually in a high-backed wooden chair. The painting, done in Peeta's expert hand, was so rich and lifelike that it was as if Finnick actually was sitting right there in front of us.

No one in the room said a word. They all just watched us as we stood looking at the painting for the longest time, lost in our own memories of this man who had in one way or another, saved each of our lives.

Finally, the baby began to whimper and Annie shook her head as if awakening from a spell and looked down at him. She smiled and stroked his chin with one finger lightly, heaving a large sigh which I assumed was to calm herself down. Peeta, Johanna and I ping-ponged a concerned look back and forth among us before Annie spoke in a surprisingly strong voice.

"I think I'd like to go back to my room now." She said with a small nod and held the baby closer in her arms.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Plutarch starting to step forward to protest and a half a step behind him, Haymitch placing a hand on his arm to stop him from doing so. It may have only been a few short hours into our tour, but I knew Haymitch wasn't going to let Plutarch stop a one of us from cutting it short if we weren't able to emotionally handle the tours at any point.

Effie surprised us all by stepping forward next and walking right up to Annie. She placed a hand tenderly on the young woman's back so as not to startle her and then smiled when Annie turned her head. "Come on then, dear…I'll ride back with you." She never broke eye contact with Annie even when she addressed Haymitch next. "Haymitch, I assume you can manage the rest of the day on your own with Peeta, Katniss and Johanna?" She said confidently and he stepped forward and nodded.

"Sure thing." He said quickly and Annie smiled appreciatively as Effie turned her to lead her out of the room.

Annie took one last look over her shoulder at the painting and that was when I saw tears shimmering in her eyes. That was when I saw the true depth of the pain Annie felt at losing the love of her life. She'd been so good at being strong when talking about Finnick since her arrival the day before that I had mistakenly thought that the wounds left on her heart by Finnick's death had begun to heal. Coming face to face with Peeta's stunning portrait of him had obviously proved otherwise.

As the door shut behind them, I turned back towards the others in the room only to find both Peeta and Johanna's eyes swimming with unshed tears as well. That was all it took for me and I dropped my head forward into Peeta's chest and let my own tears fall.

"Give us a minute…" I heard Haymitch mumble to Plutarch as he made his way over to where the three of us were standing and handed Johanna and I each a hanky which we gratefully took. Plutarch slipped out the door quietly and Haymitch waited until the door closed completely before he spoke again.

"You know you all can head back the residence too if you're not feeling up to continuing with this today." He offered as Johanna and I blew our noses and tried to compose ourselves.

"I'm really sorry…I…" Peeta searched for words to properly apologize for upsetting everyone so much with his paintings, but Haymitch cut him off with a pat to his back.

"Don't fret boy, not your fault that you're talents lend to such faithful renderings of the dead." He huffed but Peeta still lowered his chin and I saw it quiver slightly as he wiped his own eyes with his sleeves. I reached up with the hanky Haymitch had given me and wiped his eyes gently before wrapping myself back in his arms.

"Alright, enough of this touchy feely crap, let's get out of here and get the rest of this damn day over with." Johanna said tiredly and Haymitch looked carefully between the three of us.

"You sure you don't want to bag this and go back?" He asked seriously and Peeta and I looked to each other first for confirmation. I could see in his eyes the same thing I was thinking and the same thing I knew Johanna was thinking. In the 75 years since the games had begun, it was said that the Hunger Games victors were the strongest among Panem's citizens. In the 75th Hunger Games, President Snow tried to prove that even the victors, the strongest among us, were not greater than the Capitol.

The look in both Peeta and Johanna's eyes told me that if we left now, then we were proving him right.

"Yeah, we'll finish out the day." I said and took a steadying breath. "Could we just break for lunch maybe after we finish here? I could use something on my stomach before we go anywhere else." I said and Haymitch nodded.

"Sure, Sweetheart…anything you want." He said putting a comforting arm around my shoulders and leading us all towards the door. I reached back behind me knowing Peeta's hand would be there to grab mine.

"They really are beautiful, Peeta." I said and Johanna and Haymitch both agreed. We could all tell from the reddening of Peeta's cheeks when Annie had asked to leave that Peeta was feeling a bit responsible since he'd been the one who so perfectly captured Finnick and all of the other tributes in the Quarter Quell in the portraits.

"Thanks….I guess." Peeta mumbled and I squeezed his hand as we left yet another set of ghosts behind us.

We opted not to tour the rest of the President's Mansion and skipped right to eating an early lunch. They took us to a nice restaurant and as we entered, I saw Haymitch give our security detail an appreciative nod when we saw that the whole place had been cleared out for us to enjoy our lunch in peace and quiet.

"We gave you a table overlooking the new peace garden!" The bouncy hostess announced excitedly as she led us to a spiral staircase that stretched above the back of the large dining area. We all cut each other confused looks and then looked back to the hostess who stammered and flushed embarrassedly.

"Well…well, of course it _is_ winter but…but the statues and sculptures are just _lovely_ and when the bushes and flowers are planted in the spring…well….it'll just be _stunning_." She gushed and Peeta, Johanna and I exchanged childish grins behind her back as we reached the top of the staircase and the hostess turned to lead us to our table.

Haymitch tried to give us each a scolding look but couldn't hide a grin of his own that was tugging at the corners of his mouth so instead he just shooed us on ahead of him. When we'd been left at our table alone we all burst out laughing and even Haymitch chuckled and shook his head.

"Gotta love the Capitol…" Johanna said as she leaned back in her chair and opened her menu. "They even do memorializing those they gleefully watched get murdered big." She sighed and we all turned to look down at the 'PeaceGarden'.

Peace. One of the many unfamiliar words connected to our newfound independence that I was still trying to wrap my brain around the meaning of.

Haymitch was leaning back in his own chair unscrewing the lid on the flask from his inside jacket pocket when I huffed a sarcastic laugh, continuing to stare out the window and down at the garden.

"Peace garden." I mumbled. "I wonder if they melted down the metal from the cornucopia to make the sculptures…" I joked and Peeta chuckled softly.

"Yeah, you know they probably could have used some of the sharper weapons from the training center to chisel them out too…" Peeta shot back and Johanna shook her head, laughing softly at both of us as she looked over her menu.

"Hey," Haymitch said wiping the back of his hand holding the flask across his mouth and setting it down on the table. "Give it a rest will ya?" he grunted and we all looked at him with raised eyebrows.

Any one of the three of us could have spoken first, but it was Peeta that beat both Johanna and I to the punch. He sat forward in his chair, tossing his menu aside, and folded his hands on the table in front of him.

"Wow, sorry…" he began sardonically. "…didn't know you were the only victor who was allowed to be grouchy, sarcastic and cynical about the Capitol." Peeta bit out. Both Johanna and I glanced at each other when we noticed Peeta's knuckles whiten indicating that he was holding onto his hands tightly.

I have to admit, all three of us jumped when Haymitch, moving with speed I had never seen from him, flipped his butter knife over his knuckles and drove it into the table with a loud thump.

"You're fuckin' right I am." He growled, looking at Peeta with palpable anger. "Damn….kids…" he growled with a shaky sigh and ran an agitated hand through his hair.

I frowned and reached for Peeta's hand on the table top when I saw the fear in his eyes at Haymitch's reaction to what he had said.

All being relatively young as we were at the time, Haymitch's response had seemed like a huge overreaction to what we considered to be harmless banter at the expense of the old regime. Of course, he explained to us why he had reacted so fiercely to our conversation but in our late teens and early twenties, we were able to understand only part of what had motivated it. It wasn't until much later in life, when I was able to think back on my youth and comprehend just how much Haymitch cared about us, that I understood the purpose for the lecture that followed his outburst.

The only thing he saw as being worse than traveling the dark and lonely road he had taken in life was to watch a couple of young people he loved tiptoeing towards the same path.

We had all narrowed our eyes at Haymitch, looking at him like he was a little crazy, a little drunk, or a lot of both. As we shifted uncomfortably in our chairs trying to figure out what in the blue hell was going on, Haymitch sat up and forward in his own chair which forced us all to lean in towards him as we waited to hear what he had to say.

He took another long swig of alcohol before he began. "Now…now listen to me and you listen good…all three of you." He started softly but the strength in his voice demanded our undivided attention. I hadn't seen Haymitch this serious since the night before the Quell when he had said what was meant to be his final good-byes to Peeta and myself.

"I want you to stop it with this…this anger and this hatred towards these people and this city…" he said waving a hand towards the window indicating the Capitol city below.

"You need to move on with your lives." He commanded, punctuating the statement by jabbing a finger at each of us. "You need to be…out, having fun and being young and stupid like you're supposed to be at your ages…like you would have been if you lived in the world that existed before the war or the Games." he said taking his time to look each of us in the eye pointedly as he spoke.

"You…you need to have stupid fights where you don't talk for two days and then spend another two days screwin' each others brains out apologizing…" his eyes were a little watery at this point and I suspected he was remembering something from his own past. A snippet of a conversation I had with him where he mentioned a girlfriend who was dead just after he was crowned victor floated through my memory.

"_Those_ need to be the hardest times to get through the rest of your lives." he said casting his eyes angrily to the side and letting them fall on his ever handy flask. "Not the times where you're drinking yourself into a stupor to get a few restless hours of sleep during the daytime because you share head with too many ghosts at night to sleep then."

He returned his eyes to us all, staring us down to make sure that we understood that he was drawing parallels between the state of his own life and where ours could be headed.

"You need to stop living in fear that everything and everyone you love or _want _to love is going to be taken from you one day so you just shut yourself off from anyone that tries to get too close." I couldn't have looked away even if I'd wanted to at that point. I knew exactly what Haymitch was trying to do, and frankly, it was working on me and I could tell Peeta and Johanna weren't unaffected either. He may have been talking to all three of us, but I was pretty sure this part of the speech was geared directly toward me. Specifically, to me and my resistance to marrying or having children with Peeta.

He continued on without stopping to let us comment and we could only sit there, hanging on every accusatory but completely accurate word that he said.

"You need to stop with the witty comments about this place and these people, above all else, you need to stop that immediately." He insisted, still looking between all three of us. "It may make you feel a little better, and it may feel like it helps, but let me tell you something right now; they have neither the will nor the capacity for the type of feelings you wish they had. Maybe in a generation or two things will change but not today." He shook his head and glanced sideways as the hostess started our way again, most likely to take our orders. "You should be able to see that just by that asinine welcome we got from Suzy Smiles-a-lot here…" he said lowering his voice so that only we could hear and the approaching hostess was none the wiser.

We all sat in stunned silence as 'Suzy' bounced over to our table and explained that because of our security restrictions, she would also be acting as our server for the meal.

"Super." Haymitch smirked and raised his flask to her which she of course took as the highest of compliments.

I knew then that Haymitch was absolutely right. I had tried to deny it when Plutarch made the same argument for the Capitol citizens but there was just so much anger and hate in my heart for them that in my immaturity, I had wanted them to change immediately. To suddenly realize the error of their ways and lose that terrible excitement for the Games and the victors that had been nurtured in them for all of their lives. When Haymitch said this to us it finally opened my eyes to the truth of the rebuilding that was going on in my country. It wasn't just the buildings and homes of the districts and the Capitol that needed to be rebuilt; it was the hearts and souls of the citizens themselves.

Just as Peeta and I had begun rebuilding physical things like his bakery and personal things like our relationship, the rest of Panem, including the Capitol citizens, were doing the same.

"So what can I get for everyone?" 'Suzy' asked brightly and we all quickly mumbled our orders before Suzy headed off to the kitchen to put them in.

"So do you understand what I'm trying to say here?" Haymitch asked when she was out of sight. I looked at Johanna and Peeta and saw the same ashamed look I must have had on my face.

"I think I do…" I said quietly as I cleared my throat. "I think you're trying to tell us that we have to…to give them some time and a chance to change. That it's not going to happen overnight or…even in a few years." I shrugged and remembered something from one of my phone conversations with Plutarch. "I mean…Plutarch has already told me that all of the curriculum in the Capitol schools has been changed to begin teaching the children that what the Games stood for was wrong and telling about the conditions all of us in the districts were living in." I shrugged and looked out the window with a sigh. "I guess that's a start." I mumbled and Haymitch reached over to put a hand on top of one of mine on the table.

I looked up into his eyes which were sad but smiling slightly. "It is a start." He said softly and a corner of his mouth quirked up. "It only takes one person, Katniss…one person like Cinna, or Plutarch, or any of the other Capitol citizens he worked with in the underground to plan the overthrow of the old government." He squeezed my hand slightly and sat up straighter in his chair. "You should know that better than anyone Girl on Fire." He said and I couldn't help the small smile accompanied by tears that rose to my own face.

Much as I hated to admit it, Haymitch was right. It only took a spark to ignite a revolution. Perhaps the Capitol citizens would be lucky enough to have some dumb girl like me accidentally begin changing their minds just by being who she was.

"Maybe there's hope for them then?" Peeta suddenly said from the seat beside me and I reached for his hand. I turned my head and smiled softly at him before we all turned our attention to Johanna.

She sighed and rolled her eyes slightly, looking away and out the window at the city. Peeta watched her a moment before he leaned over and gently took her hand that was resting on the table in his and squeezed it gently. Johanna turned her head slowly, looking first at their linked hands and then slowly sliding her gaze to his face.

She looked at Peeta, then me and then Haymitch before sighing in what seemed like defeat. "Yeah alright, I guess if Stumpy and Brainless can give it a shot, I can too." She said quietly and then raised her eyebrows at Haymitch. "I still think their idiots though." She said nodding towards the city outside the window once more.

"Agreed." Haymitch said with a smirk and raised his flask in a sort of strange toast to our agreement. He took a swig and then looked at each of us with as serious a face as I'd ever seen on him.

"Now you all stick to that, and you help Annie whenever she needs it too. Because…trust me kids, the last thing you want to be is the grouchy, sarcastic cynic who spends most of his life trying to numb the pain caused by the Capitol. Because guess what? If you do that, then you've already let them win." He said finally offering Peeta and I a small smile.

"You…" he said pointing at me. "Take some time, get over this bullshit about not wanting to ever get married and then give the boy what he wants." He turned his attention to Peeta next and glanced between the two of us. "And you…give her some time to get over that bullshit. Anyone with at least one good eye can see that she's idiotically in love with you. She'll come around." He said and winked at Peeta. "What other girl do you know would sleep next to a boy every night who has the occasional murderous thought about her?" He smirked and I narrowed my eyes at Haymitch for bringing that up. He could be such a dolt sometimes.

Of course Peeta, unflappable as always, took it in stride and smirked right back at him. "Actually, we went to school back in District 12 with _quite_ a few girls who were happy to sleep with guys who had occasional murderous thoughts about them…" He chuckled.

"That's kinda how your average teenage romance goes." I finished, trying for playful and squeezed Peeta's hand when he turned to look at me.

Haymitch chuckled himself and nodded. He was about to open his mouth and say something else when Johanna spoke first.

"I wouldn't worry about that." She said trying to remain stoic in the face of so many emotions. I noticed though that she was still letting Peeta hold her hand on the table, even if she was fidgeting uncomfortably. "There's nothing _average_ about how the two of you feel about one another." She said finally pulling her hand away from Peeta's embarrassedly. "Trust me, I've heard the evidence first hand." She said with a proud smirk and Peeta and I both flushed and then chuckled as Haymitch held up a hand.

"Alright, alright, I don't need the gory details, thanks. I live next door to them. I've heard how much they like each other plenty on my own." He mumbled and we all dropped hands and fell into a companionable silence until our meals came.

The rest of the touring that day was surprisingly less uncomfortable than the morning had been. I assumed it had something to do with Haymitch's talk at lunch, but whatever the reason, it actually turned out to be kind of nice to see what changes were being made to not only the buildings, but the people. We met several of the Capitol rebels like Plutarch while touring the new government building, all of whom were very gracious and friendly. They asked how we were doing and seemed to really care about the answers we gave. It was a pleasant change from what we'd seen at the welcome banquet and I was even more pleased when I learned that these would be the people attending the farewell banquet on Saturday night and not the Capitol citizens we had been forced to mingle with at the beginning of our visit.

By the time we got back to the residence, it was already past time for even a late dinner service so the four of us parted ways for the night. Johanna said she was going to go check on Annie and the baby to make sure Effie hadn't driven them crazy all day and Peeta and I, who were surprisingly not very tired after such a long day, said we were going to go change and then stroll around the house to check out any rooms we'd missed. Haymitch said he was going to try and catch some shut eye, which surprised us all but we didn't let it show. Haymitch trying to sleep at night? Perhaps he was finally becoming interested in bettering himself too.

Peeta and I ordered a quick meal from the kitchen and Avitus brought it right up to us, asking if we'd be needing anything else for the night. We told him we were just going to take a walk around the house before bed and he bid us goodnight after reminding us that pushing 1 on the intercom system would connect us directly to his quarters. We thanked him and he left us to ourselves for the rest of the night.

While Peeta was changing into pajamas in the bathroom, I stood in the bedroom in a nightgown and robe looking at the work he'd done on the portrait of me so far. It still felt a little strange to be admiring a nude painting of myself but I couldn't deny Peeta's ability to make anything seem beautiful. Even me and my scarred body.

He exited the bathroom quicker than I had anticipated and caught the blinding look of insecurity I was giving the painting. He moved over to stand behind me as I looked at it and wrapped his arms around mine where they were folded over my chest.

"We'll finish it up in the morning. I don't have the same light to do it right now anyway." He whispered and kissed a little trail down one side of my neck and I felt his erection stirring against my backside through my robe.

I chuckled nervously and cast a glance at the painting again, knowing that it was where Peeta's eyes were currently glued. "This _seriously _does that to you?" I whispered and Peeta nodded against my cheek.

"You're the most beautiful woman in the entire world to me, Katniss." He sighed and turned me around in his arms so that he could see my face. "How do you _still_ not get that?" he asked cupping my face in his hands and looking at me with a mixture of sadness and open lust.

I gave him a small smile and sighed heavily. "Please…like Haymitch said…just give me time." I answered and wrapped my hands around his wrists before I leaned up to kiss him soundly. When we finally pulled back, we were both breathing deeply. "So do you want to still go exploring or do you want to stay here and…" I trailed off and glanced over at the bed with a secret little smile.

Peeta chuckled and followed my gaze before I saw his eyes light up with an idea. "Perhaps we could combine the two." He grinned and pulled an undershirt over his head to go with the sweats he was wearing for bed. I got the distinct sense I wasn't going to like where whatever plan Peeta was hatching in his mind was headed.

"Come on." He said widening his grin and tugged me to the door by one hand. He opened the door to our room slowly, glancing up and down the hall a few times before he pulled me out with him. I couldn't help giggling at the look of glee on his face as we tiptoed down the hall past everyone's bedrooms together and into the main corridor of the home.

"Is this where you and Johanna were the other day?" I asked and Peeta nodded.

"Yeah, but there's another hallway down here we didn't get to. These rooms…" he said indicating the doors on either side of the hallway. "Were just bathrooms, small sitting rooms, this one is an office I think." He said pointing to the last room on the right before we reached the intersection of the hallway we were in and another one.

"Uncharted territory." I teased in a sneaky whisper and Peeta chuckled as he looked up and down the new hall.

"You pick which way we go. Maybe we'll find a library or something." He said quietly and I bit my lip trying to decide. Peeta bit his lip too, mimicking the face I was making until I swatted him on the elbow with the hand not holding his.

"Alright, alright….left." I said and we glanced behind us before heading that way down the dark hall. Peeta flicked a light switch on the wall that only illuminated the side of the hallway we had turned onto and we were able to see the doors more clearly and found that many of them were labeled. We didn't find any that indicated a library lay behind them but we did find one room labeled 'solarium' that we were both intrigued by.

When Peeta gently pushed the door open, both of our mouths hung open at the sigh before us. Inside was a large room made completely of glass with an intricate dome ceiling that framed the starry winter sky.

In the part of the room closest to us, was a large square something-or-other that looked like a tub meant to fit roughly 6 people. By the way it was bubbling, I assumed it might have been used to boil people or large animals for dinner.

"You never heard anything about…cannibalism in the Capitol in any of our school classes, did you?" I asked Peeta nervously and he chuckled as we walked over to look at it.

"It's called a hot tub. There was one in the therapy room at the…at the hospital I was in before I was allowed to come back to 12." He said dipping his hand in and then licking his fingertips when he pulled it back. "Yep, saltwater, just like the one in the hospital." He smiled and looked across the room.

The remainder of the space was taken up by 3 large sofas, an outdoor dining table with six chairs, and a fireplace on the wall attached to the house that was crackling away. The floor was tiles meant to look like rocks in an outdoor garden.

"Okay…" I said after we had taken in the overwhelming opulence of the 'solarium'. "…so just when I'm starting to think they aren't so bad, I'm re-disgusted by the fact that someone in the Capitol had a room like this…" I said waving my hand around.

Peeta nodded slowly beside me, still looking around at the stunning room. "Me too." He said and then sighed and shrugged out of his robe, tossing it on the back of a sofa that was right behind us. "Probably would be a shame to waste the hot tub though." He said quickly pulling the rest of his clothes off and searching for a switch on the side of the tub.

"Peeta! That is _so_ not what I meant!" I laughed and folded my arms as he found the switch he was looking for and the bubbles in the tub increased in triplicate. He smiled at me as he removed his prosthetic and held onto the sides as he carefully climbed up the few steps to the tub and slipped in with a hiss.

"Oh come on, Kat…you have got to get in here. It feels amazing." He moaned as he sank into the water. I glanced around at the glass walls, knowing that basically anyone could be outside looking at us. The reasonable side of my brain told me that the next residence was about 100 yards away and as best as I could see, their lights were all dark for the night.

"Oh fine." I grumbled and tossed my robe aside and climbed the steps to the tub. I hiked my nightgown up a little at a time as I sank into the water and finally pulled it over my head when I was up to my chest and tossed it onto the sofa with the rest of our clothes.

I had to fight the urge to sigh myself when I finally sank all the way in to my chin across from Peeta. When I opened my eyes, he was grinning at me so I splashed him. "Oh shut up, you know I think it feels fantastic too." I laughed and slid over to snuggle into his side.

We both took deep breaths at the same time and rested our heads back on the edge of the tub, looking up through the domed ceiling at the night sky.

"You seemed a lot better through the rest of the tours today after that talk Haymitch gave us." Peeta said softly after we'd been relaxing quietly for about ten minutes. I didn't answer or even open my eyes for a few moments as I tried to decide whether to answer him or pretend like I had fallen asleep.

"Yeah, I guess." I shrugged and turned my head as I opened my eyes slowly to meet his. "That was a pretty intense talk as far as Haymitch talks go." I said with a nervous laugh and Peeta brought one of his arms up around my waist, pulling me closer into his side.

"Yeah, it sure was." He said turning his head to kiss my cheek lightly. "Definitely one I think we all needed to hear though, much as I hate to admit that." He murmured and rested his forehead against my cheek. "I really will give you time, you know that right, Katniss?" he asked stroking his thumb in circles on my hip. "You know I'm not going to leave you just because you won't marry me right now or because the idea of having kids sort of scares the hell out of you?" He whispered and I turned my head slowly until our foreheads were touching and we both closed our eyes.

"I do." I said simply and reached across him to grip my hand on his opposite bicep. "And I appreciate that you're willing to wait for me to be ready to take those steps, even if it means we never do." I answered honestly and Peeta pulled back a little making me open my eyes.

"I'd wait for you forever, you know?" he said with a sad smile and leaned in to kiss me gently.

"I do." I repeated and it sounded almost like a vow. Peeta's response to the words was immediate. He threw his good leg forward over both of mine so that he was straddling my thighs and began to kiss me reverently all over my face and neck as he gripped my hips with both hands. "I love you so much, Katniss. I always have and I always will." He said with a sigh as he pressed his lips to the spot over my heart. I raised my back a little so that just my breasts emerged from the water and Peeta took the cue, wrapping his lips around one hardening peak as he brought a hand up to massage the other.

"I love you too, Peeta. Forever." I moaned and gripped his sides with both hands tightly as he angled his hips to rub his hardness between my legs. I spread them beneath him quickly and slid my hands on his sides down to his ass as I pulled his hips forward, urging him to enter me.

"Ohh…Katniss..." He grunted as he began to push his way in slowly. I nodded and arched my back, never tiring of the feel of him filling me completely.

"Peeta…" I grunted back and started stroking my fingernails lightly up and down his back letting him know it was okay to start moving. Peeta slipped his arms under mine so that he could grip the edge of the tub for leverage and began moving slowly at first but building momentum with each snap of his hips.

"Ohhh…Peeta…that's so good!" I cried out and planted my feet on the bottom of the tub as I began to raise my hips up to his with each thrust. "So good…you feel so good." I gasped and he raised his head from where it was buried in my neck and began to kiss me languidly, in no rush to finish.

As he began trailing his lips down to my chest again, I placed my hands on his shoulders and pushed him back a little so that I could see his face. Peeta narrowed his eyes at me and just when I could tell he was about to ask me what was wrong, I smiled slowly and placed my hands on his abdomen, pushing him back so that he slipped from my body. I turned over so that I was kneeling on the seat with just my arms and shoulders out of the water and I leaned forward with my cheek against my folded arms on the edge of the tub.

I smiled at him over my shoulder and Peeta let out a shuddering breath as he slid forward once more and began to kiss me between my shoulder blades and up to my mouth. "You're an amazing, amazing woman Katniss Everdeen." He growled next to my ear and I felt him positioning his hips to push into me from behind. "My girl on fire..." he whispered as he slowly slid into me and braced himself with his own hands gripping the edge of the tub just outside of where my arms were folded.

He settled his torso against the length of my back and nudged one knee between my own to open me up a little more as he pushed all the way in.

We both moaned loudly, and I hissed a couple of very unlady-like words at the feel of him inside me this way again. There was something about the fluidity of the water that made it feel even better than when we had first done this in the trailer on the way to the Capitol earlier in the week.

"Move…please, Peeta move!" I moaned and turned my head as he brought his lips down to mine and began slowly but deeply thrusting in and out of me. I thanked the stars above us through the dome that we were in the unoccupied area of the house because there was no way I was able to stop the moans and cries of pleasure that were coming out of me louder and louder as he increased the speed of his movements.

We were so lost in our ecstasy, that we didn't hear the knock on the door or the twist of the knob as Effie rushed into the room in her pajamas and a robe, looking worried.

"Oh, Peeta and Katniss, it's just _you_…" she began in a relieved tone as we abruptly stopped moving in the tub. She could only see my folded arms on top of the ledge and my head above them from her position and all she knew was that Peeta was standing closely behind me in the hot tub. As she moved closer to us, saying how relieved she was because she saw the light on down this hallway and was worried someone had broken in, she suddenly gasped and brought her hands to her quickly reddening cheeks. She likely noticed the looks on our faces, the fact that we were both breathing heavily and probably saw that my shoulders were bare of any type of straps that would accompany swimwear.

"Oh!" She screeched stopping immediately in her tracks. "Oh goodness me! I'm so…I'm so sorry!" She stammered backing away quickly to the door and pulling her robe more tightly around her body. She was probably wishing she could do the same to the two of us. "I didn't mean to interrupt…I was just….I saw the light and was worried and…" Peeta cut her off with a groan of frustration and a hollered, 'Effie, please! Just get _out!_'.

"Yes!..." She squealed grabbing onto the door and averting her eyes. "…I'm…I'm so sorry….good night." She gasped and slammed the door behind her.

Leave it to Effie to still remember her manners and wish us good night even after walking in on us having rowdy sex.

Unfortunately, Peeta and I were to the point that neither of us was going to be able to stop even after such a disruption and we picked up right where we left off as soon as the door was shut.

"Shit…that was awful." I grunted as Peeta began pounding into me again over and over.

"The worst…" he growled and brought one of his hands down between my legs in front to touch me and force me into my climax the best way he knew how. As soon as fingers began circling the tiny nub there, I went screaming into my orgasm with Peeta not far behind.

We collapsed against the side of the tub together, Peeta with his head laying on my back between my shoulders as we heaved for breath. I turned over under him when I could finally feel all of my limbs again and smiled into his face as he moved to lower his head to my chest.

"Well…" Peeta began hoarsely. "Horrifying embarrassment aside, that rocked." He chuckled turning his head so that his chin was on my chest and he could kiss my jaw line.

I brought my arms up around him, laying my forearms flat on his back and drumming softly. I chuckled at the wet smack of my skin on Peeta's and he kissed his way down one side of my neck all the way to the point of the shoulder. "You are welcome." I said punctuating each word with a kiss.

Peeta lifted his head finally and looked around the room. "Wanna soak a little longer before we get out?" He asked moving to sit beside me again on the bench. I shook my head.

"We can get out now, but why don't we lay by the fire for a little and dry off before we venture out." I suggested and groaned again, covering my face with both hands. "Give Effie time to get back to her room so that we don't have to face her again tonight." I said through my fingers.

"Pleaaaase let me at least tell this story to Haymitch." He said sitting up suddenly. "He gets so little enjoyment out of life in general…he needs this." He begged and I rolled my eyes as I sat up too. I made my way across the tub to the steps and looked over my shoulder at him for a long moment.

"Fine." I conceded with a sigh. "But no details, the basics only." I said pointing at him before I hurried out of the tub and pulled my big fluffy robe on but left my nightgown on the sofa for the time being. Peeta fist pumped silently as he climbed out too and reattached his prosthetic before pulling his robe on as well.

I went over to the fire which was beginning to die down and stoked it to keep it going. When I turned around, Peeta was spreading a large fleece blanket out right behind me and I lay down on top of it and opened my arms to him. He tightened the tie on his robe and smiled as he lay down with me and we snuggled into each others arms.

"Woo boy…I'm more tired than I thought." I said through a yawn and Peeta chuckled and nuzzled my cheek.

"You're welcome ma'am." He teased and I chuckled back and slid one hand into his robe to rest on his chest over his heart.

"Well, I think it probably has more to do with the touring the city all day but we'll just call what happened in the tub the final straw in leaving me completely exhausted tonight." I smiled and kissed Peeta slowly. "So you get partial credit." I whispered and sighed heavily which led to another yawn.

"Go on and sleep for a little, I'll wake you up in a while and we'll head back to bed." Peeta said scooting us over a bit and pulling one side of the blanket up over us which I snuggled into warmly and quickly fell asleep.

Peeta did wake me up a little bit later but instead of heading off to bed, we ended up throwing another log on the fire and making slow, sweet love under the cover of the blanket. It was like something about what Haymitch had said at lunch made us want to cherish every moment together. We both fell asleep afterwards and my mind went completely blank until I woke up to a blinding white light burning my eyes.

I blinked them open and hissed as the light seemed to get even brighter as I did so. "What the hell?" I groaned and sat up holding the blanket over my chest to cover myself. I looked over at Peeta, still unconscious and sprawled out on the floor beside me. I couldn't help smiling. He looked like a little boy with the way his cheek was mashed to the ground. I reached over and stroked his cheek with the back of my knuckles and hesitantly slid my eyes away from him to see where the light was coming from.

I gasped when I realized that the entire roof of the glass room was covered in snow and that the light shining in through all of the glass walls was the morning sun reflecting off of at least a half foot of new-fallen snow.

"Peet! Look!" I said shaking his shoulder and Peeta lifted his head with a start.

"What?! What is it? What's wrong?!" he asked groggily and hissed when he tried to open his eyes. "Ahhh! Shit! What the hell is that?!" he asked and I tugged on his elbow to help him roll over and sit up. The blanket that had been covering us quickly slipped to his waist and Peeta pulled it back up to his chin when he felt the sudden chill of the room. He tossed a glance at the fireplace which was long burned out and only then did he realize the source of the light.

"Wow…I mean…wow…I didn't know it was supposed to snow!" Peeta said looking all around at the snow outside the glass room. I shrugged, smiling widely at his childlike excitement and scooted over into his side as Peeta backed up a little to lean against one of the fireside chairs. He wrapped me in his arms and yawned as we cuddled for a few minutes. "Looks like we didn't make it back to the bedroom." He said playfully and threaded my fingers through the fingers of the hand on his thigh closest to me. I smiled and stroked my thumb over the back of his hand.

"Mmm…yeah, imagine that." I teased back. "Here I remember someone telling me they would wake me up in a little while to go back to our room and instead, I was woken up because my robe was being peeled off of my shoulders. And then I didn't get taken back to the nice, soft mattress in my room but found myself having sex on a thin blanket on a hard floor!" I laughed and Peeta ducked his head shyly and kissed the top of my head.

"I'm glad you think it's so funny." I said thumping our joined hands against his leg. "You owe me a backrub later dude, I can barely move." I sighed and dropped my head back onto his shoulder.

"Sure thing." Peeta promised and kissed my cheek with a smack before he leaned over and grabbed both of our robes. "Come on, we better get back to our room and shower so we don't get harassed for coming to breakfast looking like we had sex in a hot tub last night." He said pulling his robe on as he stood from the floor. I slipped my own around my shoulders and smiled when Peeta helped me up and tied my robe closed for me.

"Thanks." I said reaching up to kiss him lightly before I grabbed both of our clothes from the other sofa and Peeta folded the flannel blanket up and put it away before we went to the door together.

We slipped out into the hall and back to our room without encountering any of the others and showered and dressed for breakfast. Peeta told me he'd be down to eat in a little, he just wanted to work on the painting a little before breakfast. I asked him if he needed me to model for him and he shook his head shyly, saying that the image was branded on his brain.

When I neared the dining room, I could hear the voices of Johanna, Annie and Effie but no Haymitch, so he was either not there or hung over and not talking.

I rounded the corner into the dining room and found it was indeed just the ladies who had made it down to breakfast so far. I walked straight to Annie and leaned down to ask her how she was doing.

"I'm doing okay, thank you for asking Katniss." She said softly and stood the baby up on her lap so that I could see him. I smiled as Zale gurgled and cooed, smiling up at me happily.

"Hi little guy, you look like you slept well last night." I cooed back and opened my hands offering to take him from Annie. She handed him over willingly.

"He did, once me stressing him out all day wore off." She said with a sad laugh and stroked the baby's leg as I settled him on my lap when I sat in the chair beside her. I leaned down and kissed the top of Zale's head lightly mentioning that he looked no worse for the wear.

"Where's Peeta at?" Johanna asked and I cleared my throat and looked up at her. I almost laughed when I noticed that Effie was pointedly avoiding eye contact with me. Johanna noticed it too and looked between the two of us suspiciously.

"He'll be down in a little, he was working on a painting when I left." I said matter-of-factly and held the baby against me with one hand while filling my plate with the other.

"How was the rest of your evenings ladies?" Johanna asked still looking between Effie and me.

"Fine." We both said together and a self-satisfied grin spread across Johanna's face as she leaned back and folded her arms.

"Oh now I know you two aren't going to sit there and _not_ tell us why you can't even look at each other…what happened?" She asked excitedly and leaned forward in her chair a little bit expecting a story to follow.

"Drop it Johanna." I said with a big fake smile while still staring daggers at her over the table.

Effie fidgeted in her chair some more and brought one hand up to her face, fanning herself dramatically. "Johanna, some topics are just not proper for breakfast table discussion." She said fanning herself harder and fidgeting some more.

I could tell that the grand Johanna Mason inquisition was about to begin and I was about to open my mouth and ask her to drop it again when she looked up as someone came into the room behind me. Assuming it was Peeta, I turned my head quickly, a bright smile all ready for him, when I found Haymitch coming around the corner instead.

"Hey, Haymitch! Maybe you can give me some insight into what went down between these two yesterday, cause I know Effie came back here with Annie in the morning and we didn't get back until last night. I assumed everyone went straight to their rooms but something tells me that isn't _exactly_ how things went…" Johanna began but stopped abruptly when she saw the look on Haymitch's face.

I turned in my chair to look at him, lifting the baby to my shoulder as I did. "Haymitch, are you okay?" I asked passing the baby back to Annie quickly and standing to walk over to him. He nodded slowly and raised his eyes to mine, searching them for something but I didn't know what.

"You don't know." He finally said darkly and ran a hand through his hair in that way he only did when he was very agitated by something. I narrowed my eyes and shook my head.

"Know what?" I asked meekly as warning bells began to go off in my head based on the somewhat familiar look that Haymitch was giving me.

He cursed a blue streak under his breath before raising his eyes to mine again and glancing at the others around the table. All of a sudden, I knew what that look meant.

"Peeta…" I gasped and started for the door, but Haymitch caught me by my wrists, shaking his head.

"I saw it on my way down, I assumed you knew…" He said pulling me into his arms and holding me close.

"Are…are you sure? You saw it on the doorknob?" I asked biting back tears and Haymitch nodded against my head. I felt the tears beginning to roll hot and fat down my cheeks as I heard Johanna behind me asking what was going on.

"The boy's having an episode." He explained quietly and the mood in the room changed just that quickly. I pulled back from him, shaking my head.

"No...no he was...he was just painting, he said he was going to paint for a little and then he'd be down." I said trying to wipe the tears away as quickly as they came.

Haymitch nodded. "He's done this before, Sweetheart. You know that. " He said gently. "He was probably feeling it coming on and fed you the bit about wanting to paint to get you out of the room."

I groaned in frustration, knowing that was exactly what Peeta had done. "Damn it!" I said glaring out the doorway and wiping at my teary eyes again. Haymitch led me back to the table and made me sit down.

"Eat something, you'll feel a little better once you have something on your stomach." I started to protest but Haymitch raised a hand as he sat down in his place at the table. "Make a plate for him and I'll take it up when we're done and check on him, alright?" He said gently and I sighed heavily and nodded.

"Why don't we cancel the tours for today? I'm sure they're still clearing the snow away from the roads and I don't feel comfortable taking the baby out on the roads with it like this anyway." Annie said with a shrug and looked around the table. "We can bundle up maybe and go out for a walk in the snow. It's the first time the baby will have seen snow anyway." she said smiling softly and I reached out to hold one of his little hands.

"Sure Annie, that sounds nice." I whispered and she handed the baby to me again when she saw I could use a little extra comfort. I snuggled him close and Zale cuddled his face into my neck warmly as if he sensed my need for comfort too. I kissed his pudgy little cheek and rocked him close in my arms for a few minutes until he fell asleep and I felt well enough to try and eat something.

Before I began eating, I took a moment to silently hope for this to be a quick episode. Mostly because I hated seeing Peeta that way, but also a little bit because I knew I would never be able to sleep in this home in the Capitol without him.


	20. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

As promised, Haymitch took Peeta a plate of food and went to check on him when we finished eating. He found me in the solarium sitting on the couch by the fireplace with the ashes from the night before still smoking inside of it. I was wrapped up in the flannel blanket Peeta and I had slept on and wearing the corduroy pants and sweater I had changed into for breakfast.

When I straightened my back and looked at him hopefully he just waved a dismissing hand at me and shook his head as he plopped onto the sofa beside me.

"How'd you know I was in here?" I asked weakly and Haymitch sighed and crossed his legs at the ankles on the ottoman in front of him.

"Didn't, I've been looking all over this damned place." He growled and folded his hands behind his head in what I know was a pretty lousy attempt to act casual in the face of Peeta's episode. He cut his eyes at me and then lowered one arm to nudge me with his elbow. "I started with the closets and electrical rooms." He smirked and I rolled my eyes and snuggled deeper into the blanket.

"You gonna make stupid jokes or you wanna just tell me how he is?" I asked and Haymitch took a deep breath before he answered.

"He's alright." He said quickly. "Wouldn't let me past the entrance to the room but he did open the door all the way. He looks okay, just…confused." He sighed after searching the air in front of him for the right word for a few moments.

I dropped the back of my head onto the sofa and blew out a long sigh. "I thought he'd be okay once we made it the first night without any problems. I guess it was just too much to hope for." I said trying to keep my voice even but I knew Haymitch could hear me choke on a sob as I forced the last word out and he brought an arm up around my shoulders gently.

"Eh, he'll be alright, he always is." Haymitch assured me and cleared his throat. "Any idea what might have set it off? He wouldn't tell me much after he accepted his breakfast plate and took it to the table to eat." Well, that at least made me happy that he still had an appetite.

I shrugged. "I don't know, maybe he was tired from the tours yesterday…I knew I shouldn't have suggested we go exploring last night." I said mentally scolding myself. "He was probably tired and just went along with me because he knew I wanted to look around." I groaned and Haymitch looked around the room again.

"This where you ended up?" he asked and nodded, impressed, when I grunted in the affirmative. "Nice room. Arrogant as shit, but nice." He said and I couldn't help but burst out laughing at how close his description had come to the way Peeta and I had first observed the room the night before.

Once District 12, always District 12 I guess.

"What's so funny?" Haymitch asked looking at me like I was crazy. I shook my head and glanced over at him, the look of bewilderment on his face making me laugh even harder. I wiped my eyes with the blanket and shook my head as Haymitch gave me a minute to compose myself.

"Peeta and I slept in here last night." I said simply and Haymitch turned his head, surprised but still not quite getting what was so funny. He looked around the room once more, probably thinking that was a little odd since it was so obviously more of an outdoor than an indoor room.

"Okay…strange choice considering it's the dead of winter but being as I usually sleep face down on a kitchen table, I'm really in no position to judge." He shrugged and looked back at me still confused. His words and then the return of the bewildered face made me laugh again, but I managed to hold it down to a chuckle. I almost didn't explain what had happened, but we were both so sad about Peeta, I figured 'what the hell'.

"Effie walked in on us having sex in that tub over there." I blurted out with a grin and Haymitch's face ran the gambit from shocked that I would tell him that, to disappointed, to embarrassed and finally, I knew I had him when I saw the glint in his eyes and he snorted suddenly before dissolving into a fit of doubled over, full belly laughter.

It took almost a full 3 minutes for Haymitch to pull himself together and stop laughing and when he did, he resumed his position leaning back against the couch beside me and sighed wistfully.

"Man, do I wish I had been able to see her face." He said breaking into a new fit of silent chuckling. I started laughing too and leaned back against the couch again too, still smiling.

"She apologized….and wished us a good night…" I said biting my bottom lip to keep from laughing again. I couldn't help it though when the next thought popped into my head and I shared it with Haymitch. "I almost expected to find a hand written apology note and a fruit basket in our room this morning."

We both burst out laughing again and laughed until we cried. It was hard to tell by the time we were finished if the tears were from thinking of Effie interrupting mine and Peeta's intimate moment, or from thinking of Peeta possibly suffering up in the room by himself.

We sat in silence for so long that when Haymitch finally spoke, it startled me to the point I jumped a little bit. "I gave your head shrink a call. He's going to check in on Peeta shortly and then he'd like to talk to you if you're up for it." He said quietly and I sighed and snuggled deeper into the blanket.

"Yeah, sure. I guess that's alright." I whispered and wiped my nose on the edge of the blanket. Peeta usually called Dr. Aurelius within a day or two of his episodes and sometimes during them if they seemed to be lasting an exceptionally long time. It wasn't anything I thought I should be worried about but it was definitely a little weird to have him actually coming to _visit_ us during one. I was understandably a little worried about what Peeta's reaction would be, especially since we were actually _in_ the Capitol for this one.

Oh, Peeta.

I took a shuddering breath and felt unwelcomed tears stinging my eyes. "I'm worried it's going to be worse because we're not home. He needs to be home when he's having an episode. He should be home, not here." I rambled out and Haymitch wrapped his arm around my shoulders again loosely.

"I want to take him home, Haymitch." I said between sniffles. Haymitch rubbed my upper arm where his hand was resting and I pushed away from him slightly, feeling like he was patronizing me with false comfort. "I'm serious, I wanna go home!" I cried and he pulled me back over into his side with a huff.

"Stop your hollering, my hearing's just fine, kid." He said sounding exasperated and sat up to turn and hold me by my upper arms so that he could look into my face. "Now I want you to stop this and tell me what's wrong." Haymitch demanded but still with a hint of gentleness. "Are you really this worried about Peeta or is this just you being homesick?" He asked looking directly into my eyes. I tried to look away but Haymitch moved his head into my line of vision. He wouldn't allow me to look away from him.

"A little of both I guess." I finally admitted and he nodded slowly. If I had been completely honest, I would have told Haymitch that I was feeling just as overwhelmed with everything in the Capitol as Peeta was, only I didn't have the option of sinking into a hijacking episode, I just suffered quietly inside my own head while trying to seem completely normal on the outside. I did want to go home, but really only in the moment and because I felt that was where I could best take care of Peeta in the state he was in, and where I knew he would be most comfortable going through it.

He literally could not have been in a worse place to be having a hijacking episode than the Capitol.

I slumped back miserably on the couch and pulled the blanket over my face.

"That's what I thought." Haymitch said and I felt him sit back again as well. Say what you like about Haymitch, but he has always made a just about perfect person to commiserate with when needed. "Why don't you go outside with the girls and the baby for a bit?" Haymitch suggested referring to Annie's idea that we go for a walk and let baby Zale have his first snow experience. "The fresh air might do you some good."

I shifted under the blanket but didn't answer right away, instead choosing to shrug like a pouty child. I sometimes had a tendency to forget how strong Haymitch was despite his chronic drunkenness, so I was surprised when strong arms came up underneath both my armpits and the bend in my knees as I was unceremoniously lifted from the couch. I poked my head out through the top of the blankets, ready to give him hell, but Haymitch just told me to shut up before he carried me out of the room and back down the hall to the main living area.

"Haymitch, you put me down _right now_!" I hissed at him as we reached the long hall to all of the bedrooms. It was one thing for Haymitch to be verbally bossy with me, but it was something else entirely to be manhandled. I should have been more clear about the _how _of the putting me down statement because as soon as the words 'right now' were out of my moth, Haymitch dropped me flat on my ass in the middle of the hall.

I landed with an 'oof' before glaring up at him as he smirked down at me. "Done." Haymitch said proudly and pointed toward Annie and Johanna's end of the hall. "Now go borrow some warm clothes from one of the girls and get yourself outside in the fresh air." He said heading off in the direction of his own room.

"You know you could go against your better nature and join us if you'd like…" I called after him and Haymitch laughed as he turned to look at me, walking backwards.

"Sure, sure…I'll meet ya out there." He grinned and I rolled my eyes knowing that was about as likely as me taking flowers to place on President Snow's grave.

I got up and pulled the blanket around me better as I headed for Johanna's room first and found her pulling on warm outerwear. I asked her if I could borrow a jacket and some heavy pants and boots since my stuff was with Peeta back in the room.

She nodded to her closet and said "Have at it. I probably packed enough to stay here until summer…not that I'd ever want to." She added as she laced up her boots. "So did you figure out what set Peeta off? Haymitch told us that your doctor is stopping in to check up on him, see if he can do anything to help."

I found it both strange and endearing that Johanna seemed to genuinely care about how Peeta was doing. After treating me like dumb, annoying little sister for most of our relationship so far, it came as a surprise. A _welcomed _surprise, but still a surprise.

"Not sure," I said quietly as I pulled on the outerwear that most looked like it would fit me. "It's rarely ever one specific thing we can pinpoint that causes them. Sometimes, it seems like it's nothing at all…it just…happens." I shrugged and Johanna nodded silently and stared off across the room for a moment.

"Well," She finally said clearing her throat and speaking with a strong voice so as not to seem as in touch with her feelings as I knew she was becoming. "In any case, if he's not better by tonight, you're welcome to stay here. We'll make a girls night of it." She said smiling slightly. "Order a couple of bottles of wine from the kitchen, all the junk food we can eat and more importantly…" She said with a salacious grin. "…get you drunk enough to spill some details about bread boy and what I assume are his above average skills in the bedroom." She teased and I rolled my eyes and pulled my boots on.

"Shall we go find Annie and the baby for that walk now?" I asked sweetly and Johanna groaned as she stood from the end of her bed.

"Yeah sure, let's go." She sighed standing and pulling her coat on as she followed me to the bedroom door. "Plenty of time left in the day for me to convince you to share every sex-capade of the last year of your life." She said slapping me on the back as we headed next door to Annie's room.

Neither of us could hold in the laugh when Annie met us at the door with little Zale once again looking like a stuffed toy in his puffy snow suit, his beautiful green eyes the only things giving away that a human being was inside of it.

"He doesn't look _that_ ridiculous, does he?" Annie asked with a nervous laugh and Johanna and I shook our heads smiling. We both knew Annie could still be very sensitive and sometimes had difficulty interpreting facial expressions and social cues that most people were able to understand inherently.

"He looks adorable, Annie." I said reaching out to take the baby from her and cuddling him close. "What we can see of him looks adorable that is." I chuckled and Annie and Johanna both followed suit. I passed him back to Annie who went on to explain that she was just being over cautious because it was so warm where they lived in District 4 most of the year and he wasn't used to this kind of weather.

"You'll have to come visit Peeta and I in 12 in the winter each year so that he at least gets to see some snow from time to time." I offered and Annie looked touched by my invitation. "You too Johanna, you guys know you're welcome any time you want." I said as we made our way down the hall toward the stairs. "I'm the one who needs special permission or an invitation from President Paylor herself in order to be able to leave my district." I joked and Annie and Johanna both looked anywhere but at my face as they each emitted a nervous laugh. I laughed, drawing both sets of eyes my way and smiled reassuringly. "Don't worry about it girls, I wouldn't leave District 12 regularly even if I _wasn't_ basically under house arrest." I said stepping between them and hooking my arms through theirs playfully. Johanna chuckled and when I looked over to check that Annie had gotten my point, I saw her staring down the opposite hall where mine and Peeta's room was.

We all stopped at the top of the staircase, looking down the hall and easily spotting the door that stood apart from the rest with its small, but obvious decoration on the handle of the door.

I could sense Johanna's eyes on me in my peripheral vision as she shifted her gaze to my face.

"You good, Brainless?" She asked and I stared at the door for a moment longer before puffing out my chest and turning back to look down the stairs. A light snow was falling again in the late morning light I could see through the large window over the downstairs foyer. The outdoors. Yes, that was exactly what I needed right then.

"Yeah, I'm good. Let's go play in the snow." I said trying for a smile that didn't quite reach my eyes. I looked at Annie to my right and Johanna to my left and they both gave me encouraging smiles. The baby cooed from where he was cradled under Annie's opposite arm as we started down the steps and out the front door into the snow.

We spent the better part of the late morning and early afternoon walking the grounds of the estate that looked much bigger in back than it had from the front when Peeta and I first pulled up on the street several days before.

Avitus had managed to find an ornate child's sled stored away somewhere in the groundskeepers' shed and brought it out to us so that we could lay the baby in it and pull him along with us on the stroll. He even brought an extra blanket with it so that we could wrap the baby up and he wouldn't be jostled around quite so much.

I decided that if there were more people like Avitus in the Capitol, then perhaps I could find it in me to tolerate them a little more willingly.

We were enjoying walking and talking about what changes were happening in the districts we were living in so much that it was only when the baby woke from a mid-sled ride nap demanding his needs be taken care of that we realized how long we had been out.

"He probably needs a change and a feeding." Annie said scooping her son out of the sled which we propped by a tree for possible use later in the week.

"Yeah, I could go for a feeding myself." Johanna said touching her stomach lightly through her coat as we turned back for the house. I was definitely feeling better after some fresh air and conversation that wasn't focused on Peeta's episode or the Capitol, or the shared past that existed between the 3 of us.

"You'll have to find your own food Johanna," Annie joked as we reached the steps to the stone porch and stomped the snow off our feet. "I've only got enough for Zale, and that barely fills him…little piggie." She cooed and Johanna raised her hands.

"Easy there, District 4, I've been on solid foods for _quite_ some time now." Johanna smirked and pulled the door open for the two of us to walk in ahead of her. Annie and I both laughed and we all kicked off our boots by the front door and hung our coats, scarves, hats and gloves up on several of the numerous coat hooks lining both sides of the door.

We were talking quietly over the sounds of the fussy baby as we headed for the stairs to the second floor when we stopped suddenly as Dr. Aurelius came down them casually.

"Good afternoon ladies." He said with a pleasant smile. "Still a nip in the air out there, I see by the looks of your red cheeks and noses." He said meeting us on the bottom step. Annie adjusted Zale in her arms as he had begun to cry a little more earnestly.

"How's Peeta?" She asked before I could even manage to force the same words to my lips.

We all looked at the doctor expectantly and he pursed his lips briefly, not giving anything away before his eyes slid to mine.

"He's doing well, all things considered." He said and turned bodily toward me, his gaze dropping briefly and telling me that he had bad news. "I'd like you to keep away from your room the rest of the day at least, Katniss and possibly sleep somewhere else tonight. Peeta doesn't seem aggressive right now, but he is having a lot of difficulty sorting the hijacked memories from the real ones. He's irritable, a little edgy, and confused." He said shaking his head and looking between the three of us. "As you can imagine, that's not a very good combination." He said with a wince and then straightened his shoulders professionally and looked at me.

"Would you mind if we talked a little, Katniss? Avitus was just making me a bite to eat, you could join me in the dining room after you change." He offered with a pleasant smile, but I got the sense he was scheduling an appointment rather than inviting me to a meal. I nodded with a tight smile.

"Sure, I'll be right down." I said already heading up the steps with Annie and Johanna not far behind.

We waited until the doctor was out of sight as he headed to the dining room before we spoke again at the top of the steps.

"What do you think he wants?" I asked quietly as we reached Annie's door and Johanna opened it to let her in with the fussy baby. "Based on my own history with the head-shrinking types, I got the distinct impression that he wants to drill you for information." Johanna said as we headed next door to her room and began changing into dry clothes.

I really hoped that wasn't the case. Honestly, there wasn't much helpful information about Peeta's episodes that I could provide Dr. Aurelius with. They were sporadic, few and far between lately, but certainly not gone completely and sometimes Peeta still had a great deal of difficulty remembering things from childhood. It was hard enough to watch happen in person, I hoped that the doctor wouldn't ask me to relive the awful memories I possessed as the person witness to more of these hijacking episodes than anyone else.

I thanked Johanna for the change of clothes and she wished me luck as I headed back downstairs and made my way to the dining room. Dr. Aurelius was standing by the windows, looking out at the snow and holding his glasses in his hands as he cleaned one of the lenses with a cloth. He turned and smiled softly at me as I entered the room and moved to stand behind a chair at the table filled with food. Avitus had gone all out.

"How was your walk?" he asked holding the glasses up to the light and inspecting them carefully before he began buffing the other lens. I shrugged and drummed my fingers gently on the back of the chair where I was holding onto it.

"It was nice to get outside and to talk to Annie and Johanna for a bit." I said and smiled thinking of Zale's reaction to Annie placing his hands in the cold snow. "The baby was funny with the snow." I said and Dr. Aurelius chuckled softly as he walked over to the table and gestured for me to sit, which I did and he followed.

"I'm sure he was." He said softly as he began filling his plate. I did the same and we sat in silence for a few minutes when we began eating our lunch, each waiting to see who would be the first to speak.

"Well, aren't you going to ask me something about Peeta?" I blurted out when I'd finished half a bowl of stew and three quarters of a sliced sandwich.

The doctor looked up, surprised at my outburst. He narrowed his eyes at me as he finished chewing the food in his mouth and gently wiped the corners of his lips with a napkin. "What makes you think I'm going to ask you about Peeta?" He asked and I put the spoon I was using down in my bowl and raised my eyebrows at him.

I looked at the dining room door and back to the doctor. "Well…but…you came to check on Peeta because he's having an episode…" Dr. Aurelius cut me off mid-sentence.

"I know it's hard for you to remember when you only respond to roughly every other phone call I make to you, Katniss, but I _am _your doctor as well." He said with a smirk and I slouched back into my chair a little bit and felt my cheeks flush. "What made you think automatically that I wanted to talk about Peeta?" He asked sitting back in his own chair and sipping tea from a teacup casually.

Of coruse, I knew this question was a set up so I answered as honestly as I could. "Because…every minute of every day there's a small but relentless part of my brain that _never_ stops thinking about Peeta and everything he's been through." I said quietly and took a shaky sip of my own tea.

The doctor nodded and dug back into his own lunch. "I think what you're trying to say is that part of you feels immensely guilty for Peeta's condition." He said and I raised my eyes to his and nodded slowly.

"Of course I do. He was taken from the arena by the Captiol, tortured and hijacked all because of me." I said irately. "I'm sure they figured out very early on that he knew nothing about the plot to get us out of the arena so the only reason for the torture was to hurt me by hurting him." I said shaking my head slightly. "And…and then they turned him into a weapon whose sole purpose was to find and kill me." I narrowed my eyes angrily at my stew and put my spoon down again. I'd suddenly lost my appetite.

"Yes, they did." Dr. Aurelius said simply. "President Snow had _all _of those things done to Peeta in order to make your life and his as miserable as possible, because that's what President Snow did to victors, Katniss." He said leaning forward in his chair a little to try and catch my eye. "That's what he did to Finnick, to Haymitch, to any victor he deemed even the slightest bit dangerous. You aren't alone Katniss. You shouldn't ever feel like you're the only one that this type of thing happened to, alright?" he asked and I raised my eyes to his finally. "Look at Finnick for instance." He said with a sad look in his eyes. "Not only did he make him a Capitol prostitute, but you don't think Annie's name was pulled in the Quarter Quell by accident before Mags volunteered for her, do you?" he asked and I gasped softly as the realization that Annie _had_ been chosen first in the Quarter Quell reaping.

"That's what he wanted. For all of you to feel singled out. Responsible for the horrors your choices brought down on yourselves and your loved ones. I think you can agree that there was never any _real_ victor in 75 years of the Hunger Games except for the Capitol." He challenged and I nodded slowly, fighting angry tears that were forcing their way to my eyes. Dr. Aurelius continued, seeing that I was nearing the revelation he wanted me to come to. "Put 24 children in an arena together and make them fight to the death. 23, or as in the case of your first games, 22 die and the victor or victors are left in varying states of emotional trauma for the rest of their lives. That's called a win-win for the Capitol." He said with an anger that surprised me coming from a born and bred Captiol citizen.

Touched by his understanding and outrage, I allowed a few hot tears to break free and slide down my cheeks. He was right, of course. There were no real victors in the Hunger Games. I thought of Haymitch who couldn't sleep in the dark and could only do so in the daytime with a bottle in one hand and a knife in the other. It was always the Capitol who won in the end.

"What happened with the victors after the Games is what we call in academia a…self-fulfilling prophecy." He stated and I narrowed my eyes in confusion. "What that means is that the Capitol leads you all to believe that whatever has happened to you, your friends, your families, is of your own making until you believe it yourselves, without question."

I sat back in my chair a little and looked out the window with a sigh. "Haymitch said something like that to me once. He…he told me that after he used the force field to win his Games, his family and girlfriend were killed. That what happened to them on top of the trauma from his time in the arena led to the drinking and…well, and the way he is most of the time now." I said with a small, sad smile which the doctor understood and returned.

Despite the generally cantankerous person Haymitch presented himself to the world as, those of us closest to him knew just how deeply he cared about others. Aside from the trauma in his Games, it was the reason he needed to numb himself with liquor. To regularly destroy those feelings to prevent him from caring too much about anyone ever again. Especially the 2 children every year for 25 years that he mentored in the Games. Obviously, it hadn't worked very well in the case of Peeta and myself.

"Well, then Haymitch is a very self-actualized person." Dr. Aurelius said with a small smirk. "Perhaps not exactly self-actualized in the most positive of ways, but it works for him." He said with a shrug and picked up his teacup again.

I nodded and looked out the window again. "So what you're trying to say is, I need to reach a point where I can accept that what's in the past is the past and I can't do anything to change it?" I asked folding my arms defensively over my chest.

"Essentially." The doctor said setting his teacup down with a clink. "I want you to be able to accept it, but I don't want you to _forget_ it, Katniss. There's a difference between repressing upsetting events, and using them to guide your future decisions so that they don't repeat themselves." He explained and reached over to place a hand on top of mine on the table gently.

"You're never going to be able to love Peeta the way I think you want to if you continue to build it on a foundation of pity and some misguided sense of obligation to him. You _do_ love him. You probably have ever since he threw you that bread in the rain when you were children. It was a…different kind of love then, but it's completely understandable that you would have strong feelings, even for a boy you'd never formally met, when he'd done something so selfless and compassionate for you. Those are traits any girl would be looking for in a potential mate, even if she didn't recognize them in that way as an 11-year-old child." I hated to admit that what he was saying made some sense. I hated even more to admit to myself that some of what I felt for Peeta _did_ come from a place of misguided obligation. I did, however, know that I didn't want it to be that way anymore.

"Okay…so how do I fix it?" I asked reaching up to wipe my eyes subtly.

Dr. Aurelius smiled widely at me. "You already _are_ fixing it Katniss, don't you see?" he said tilting his head to the side as if I was some strange creature to be studied. "You moved from allowing him into your bed at night for comfort and to help keep both of your nightmares at bay, to making a home with him, to developing what, as far as I can tell based on what you and Peeta have felt comfortable sharing with me, is a healthy, mutually enjoyed sexual relationship." I flushed at this and rubbed the back of my neck nervously. "Unless I'm wrong and you've somehow been unwillingly coerced into that part of your relationship?" he asked and my head snapped in his direction and I shook my head vehemently.

"No! No…I was…it was actually me who initiated that part. Peeta would never have made the first move." I smiled softly and looked toward the door to the hallway. "He would have waited forever for me to be ready." I said quietly and turned my attention back to the doctor.

"Exactly." He said with a smile. "Because he loves you Katniss. Without pretense or condition, he loves you." I felt something warm and tingly rush from my head to my toes at his words and the tears returned, but this time, they were from happiness and something else sweet and a little sad that I couldn't quite put my finger on yet.

"I know he does." I whispered and wiped my eyes again. I expected Dr. Aurelius to say something more, but he just let that hang in the air for a long moment until, unexpectedly, I asked a question that had probably been nagging at me since that night of the interviews in the first Games, when Peeta first declared his love for me. One that had been nagging at me for certain since Peeta told me about how he watched me going home each day from school. Even since we had begun living together as lovers and running a business together.

"Why?" I asked barely audible and dropped my eyes to my dish as more tears began to fall faster down my face.

Dr. Aurelius leaned in toward me and squeezed my hand. "Peeta's right Katniss. You really don't know the affect you have on people, do you?" he said softly with a sad smile. He shrugged and laughed softly, but not in a way that made me feel like he was making fun of me.

"The heart wants what it wants, dear." He said gently. "What Peeta sees when he looks at you is a lovely, brave young woman who would do anything to protect the people she loves. He sees someone who is independent and not afraid to say what she's thinking, and I think he finds it…refreshing. You aren't like anyone he's ever met before. You're a fighter. You aren't willing to accept things the way they are, you want to make them better." He smiled again and sat back in his chair with a sigh. "Despite what you seem to think about yourself, Katniss, you are something of an optimist. You don't owe it to Prim, or to Finnick, or any number of people you lost in the war to get better. You owe it to you and you alone to allow yourself to be happy with Peeta." He said with a note of finality that told me his speech was over.

He was telling me the opposite of what both Haymitch and I had been telling ourselves since we all fell into this mess together; he was telling me that I _did_ deserve the boy with the bread. That I was worthy of the affection he so effortlessly gave to me.

That warm thing I felt a few minutes earlier began to course through my body again, and this time, it made me want to go to him even more than I usually did when he was caught up in an episode. And it wasn't because I felt obligated to, or guilty for why he was in that state, it was because I loved him more than anyone on the earth and wanted to be there for him when he needed me most.

This revelation made me both astoundingly happy, and devastatingly sad within a matter of moments. I had finally realized how much I truly loved my guy, but could do absolutely nothing to show it to him until his episode was over.

As if he could read my mind, Dr. Aurelius pushed away from the table and stood from his chair, walking over to me and placing a hand on my shoulder. "Finish your lunch, go back to Johanna and Annie's rooms and make an attempt at some girl talk." He smiled and I looked up at him, nodding slightly and smiled.

"Thank you, Doc." I said clearing my throat and wiping my nose with my napkin. "Maybe I can make a better effort to answer your calls every week from now on." I mumbled and Dr. Aurelius actually laughed at that.

"Well, I'd certainly appreciate it Katniss, but you've taken a big leap today in changing your way of thinking. Let's just take your recovery in steps from here on, shall we?" he said and I laughed softly myself and nodded in agreement.

I walked him to the door and watched him get into a car and drive off with a promise to call and check on us in the morning. I sincerely hoped that I would have good news to share when he did.

When I made my way back to Johanna's room, I found it empty but heard voices next door in Annie's room and assumed she had gone over there. When I knocked softly, Johanna opened the door and ushered me in when she saw my still puffy eyes and asked what was wrong.

"Nothing, just…had a good talk with the doctor is all and it made me really want to see Peeta." I said trying to brush off her concern. "Thanks for asking though." I said with a grateful smile and walked over to the window seat where Annie was changing the baby's diaper.

"He's been up since the end of our walk, I should really try and keep him up for a bit longer so that he'll take a nice nap this afternoon." She said leaning over and kissing Zale's belly which made him squeal. "Though to be honest, I could really use a nap after all of that walking." She chuckled and I shrugged.

"I can watch him for a bit if you want to lie down, Annie." I offered and Annie raised her eyebrows. "Yeah, Johanna can help, we'll take him next door to her room and play." I said and Johanna folded her arms behind Annie and glared at me. When Annie turned her head, Johanna quickly slapped a smile on her face and nodded.

"Yeah sure, we'll…do something with him…you get some rest." She said and narrowed her eyes at me when Annie turned back to me again. I had to fight a chuckle at the look on Johanna's face.

"Oh, well…that'd be wonderful! Thank you so much." She said handing me the baby and flitting around the room gathering up supplies for him. She dropped the large bag stuffed with toys, diapers and other baby odds and ends into Johanna's arms as we headed for the bedroom door.

"We takin' him for the afternoon or the month?" Johanna mumbled and I rolled my eyes at her while Annie gave the baby kisses good-bye and thanked us again.

When we made our way over to Johanna's room, I set the baby down propped up against the pillows at the head of the bed and he stared at the two of us expectantly.

"You're changing the diapers since you volunteered us to take him." Johanna said suddenly and I waved a hand at her. "Get some toys out of the bag will ya?" I asked and Johanna sighed and went to retrieve the bag from where she dropped it by the door.

We spent the rest of the afternoon entertaining the baby while Annie napped. Even Johanna had to admit when Annie finally came over to get the baby after she woke up, that Zale was a very content baby.

We met up with Effie and Haymitch for dinner back in the dining room and the embarrassment of the night before seemed to have worn off for Effie considering what was going on with Peeta since then.

"Have you checked on him since this morning?" I asked Haymitch when we were having dessert and after we had managed to find anything else to talk about for the entirety of the meal so far.

Haymitch nodded as he popped spoonfuls of sorbet into his mouth. "I did, this afternoon." He said simply and raised his eyes to mine. "The doctor gave him a…something of a project to work on. Channel his emotions into something positive or some such thing." He said and shrugged his shoulders.

"A painting?" I asked curious and Haymitch shook his head and licked his spoon clean as Effie looked on disapprovingly at his lack of manners.

"No, something to write I believe." He said pushing away from his chair. "Now if you don't mind, I'm going to take a quick walk around outside, check on the boy and return to my room to spend the rest of the evening with a very nice bottle of rum I found in the kitchen." I had to stifle a smile when he turned to Effie and hooked his thumbs in the pockets of the vest he was wearing. "Care to take a little moonlit stroll with an unmannered old goat? There might be some rum to warm you up at the end of the walk." He said holding out a gentlemanly hand.

Annie, Johanna and I exchanged playful smiles as we waited for Effie to answer. "Oh…oh alright, I suppose some fresh air would be nice." She said letting Haymitch help her up.

"Have a good night girls, and I do hope Peeta is feeling better Katniss." Effie said touching my cheek gently.

"Thank you, Effie. Have a good night yourself…" I said and wagged my eyebrows at Haymitch who made a face at me that made me laugh. They headed off together leaving Annie, Johanna and I at the table with Zale whining for his bedtime meal.

"Alright…"Johanna whispered conspiratorially. "Odair, you go feed the kid and put him to bed, Katniss and I will grab the wine and junk food and meet you in your room in a half hour." She said and pointed at Annie when she started to protest. "Hey, we watched your ankle biter for the afternoon so you could sleep and be able to hang out with us tonight! There is no way you're bailing!" Johanna warned and Annie groaned but then laughed and nodded.

"Alright, well we just can't be too loud so he stays asleep." She said and stood from the table patting her son's little back as she raised him to her shoulder.

Johanna and I slipped off to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of wine a few bags of salty snacks, and a half a chocolate cake from the fridge before we went up to her room and I again imposed on her to borrow a pair of pajamas.

"Would you stop apologizing, Brainless? You can borrow my stuff, it's no big deal." She said coming out of her bathroom in a large t-shirt and boy shorts underwear.

"Sorry, just force of habit I guess." I cringed. "I feel like I'm always putting Haymitch out when I need to stay at his place or send him over to mine when Peeta's…like this." I said taking the pajama pants and shirt Johanna had given me to wear into the bathroom to change.

"You need to get over that girly." Johanna said through the door as I changed. I rolled my eyes and nodded even though she couldn't see me do so through the door.

"So I've been told." I called back and re-braided my hair before opening the door. Johanna tossed me the bags of snacks and handed me the plate with the chocolate cake on it while she picked up the bottle of wine and 3 glasses we'd grabbed from the kitchen. We each grabbed a pillow from the bed and carried everything with us as we went to Annie's room and gently pushed the door open.

She was lying on the bed still nursing the baby who was nearly asleep. Johanna climbed onto the bed, stretching out across the bottom gently and I took the side of the bed Annie wasn't on, tucking my pillow under my head and reaching out to stroke one of Zale's soft tan legs.

We all stayed quiet until Annie gently slipped off of the bed and carried the baby over to the crib across the room and set him down. She stroked a finger over his cheek a few times as he wiggled and then stilled as sleep overtook him.

When she came back to the bed, Johanna was already holding a glass of wine out to her. "I shouldn't drink this Johanna, I'm nursing." She said but took the glass and climbed under the covers on her side and I did the same.

"One glass won't hurt, besides he'll probably sleep pretty good for you during his naps tomorrow if you drink it." Johanna said in a loud whisper and grinned at both Annie and myself.

Johanna folded back some of the comforter that was folded down at the bottom of the bed and snuggled into it on her side, her head propped up on one elbow so that she could see the two of us. I took a sip of my own wine and Johanna started passing around the plate of cake and a fork which I assumed we were all meant to share.

Girl bonding. Right.

"Okay, so let's get to it then shall we?" She said sweetly and took a long sip of her wine.

I just looked at her, puzzled and then to Annie who was smiling knowingly but also looking a little embarrassed.

"Get to what?" I asked fluffing my pillow behind my back and tenting my knees under the blankets so that I could rest the cake plate on them while I took a forkful.

Johanna rolled her eyes dramatically and sat up, pulling the comforter around her shoulders and sitting cross-legged. "Are you kidding me? Since the last time I saw you, you've built a bakery which you own with Peeta, moved in with him, and become a sexual being…I want details, like now." She said nodding excitedly.

"Details?" I asked nervously and passed the plate to Annie who sat up with her back against her pillows like I was sitting. I was pretty sure I didn't like the direction this particular corridor of girl talk was heading.

"Yeah, yeah…like when did it first happen? What did you say? What did he say? Where were you? Come on, Everdeen…I'm still too screwed up to handle a relationship at this point in time, I have to live vicariously, so spill!" Johanna said biting her bottom lip excitedly.

I groaned and dropped my head back onto the pillow behind me, reaching for my wine glass and taking a hearty gulp. "Well…it was about 3 months after Peeta came back to 12…" I began and rolled my eyes again when I saw even Annie leaning in closer to me, hanging on every word.

"He started having the episodes and came up with the idea of hanging the X on the door as a way of letting me know when he was having one or even when he felt like one might be coming on. I told them how I thought it was silly but he and Haymitch convinced me that it was the right thing to do if I wanted to protect myself and Peeta. We tried getting back into our old routines, me hunting, Peeta baking and that helped us a lot, but we still needed each other at night." I said and looked between Johanna and Annie. "You know, for the nightmares?" I asked and they both nodded solemnly and then tried to smile again.

"Anyway, we kind of slowly moved Peeta in with me over a few months. He still baked in the kitchen of his old house, but we spent every night together and well…one day we were asleep in bed in the early afternoon and just sort of…woke up kissing and touching each other." I mumbled and Johanna nodded sagely and threw me a sly wink. "Nothing happened that day, but it…I guess kind of woke something up inside of us that reminded us we did have _those_ type of feelings for each other." I said taking the plate from Johanna for my second shot at the cake. I ate another forkful before continuing with my story.

"And then?" Johanna said scooting closer up the bed toward Annie and me and wrapping her arms around her knees like a child listening to a suspenseful story beside a campfire.

"And then…well, there was this day where Peeta had a particularly bad episode and stayed at Haymitch's for the night. I went to check on him in the morning and we took a shower together…and…well, and we…touched each other." I murmured shyly and Johanna clapped her hands together gleefully.

"Johanna, keep it down! The baby!" Annie hissed at her and then to my surprise, turned more fully to me and smiled widely. "And then what?" she whispered and it was mine and Johanna's turn to chuckle. Annie blushed slightly and bit her bottom lip as she swatted at Johanna with one of the throw pillows from the bed.

"Just touched each other? What do you mean, you got each other off?" Johanna asked bluntly and I felt my cheeks flush even more as I brought my hands up to cover them.

"Nice." Johanna said grinning wider. "I can't believe you were able to hold off on having sex when you were naked in the shower together though. That's pretty damned impressive." She said shaking her head from side to side, amazed.

"Well, we were in Haymitch's house, it was weird enough that we did what we did in the shower. We weren't ready to do anything else yet anyway, we didn't really know what we were doing…" I argued as Johanna refilled our glasses.

Johanna nodded and set the bottle down on the nightstand as she leaned back on her pillows that she had propped on the footboard. "Well obviously considering what I heard the other day, you figured it out." She smirked and Annie giggled quietly as I felt my cheeks heat once again.

"You know, no one _asked_ you to be hanging out outside of our bedroom door Johanna, jeez." I mumbled and she rolled her eyes and tossed the little pillow Annie had thrown at her my way.

"Hey, don't sweat it, brainless, that was a compliment. I'm not making fun of you…much." She teased and I huffed and took a sip of my wine.

Being unfamiliar with girl talk as I was, I decided to try and lighten up a little. Johanna and Annie were just curious about how the 'real' story of the star-crossed lovers from District 12 unfolded. They seemed genuinely interested in finding out how we were brought back together after such awful circumstances.

I nodded and shrugged my shoulders. "Alright…well…then Peeta told me about his idea to rebuild the bakery and I was so happy for him and excited, and he asked me if I would help him with designing it and picking out the equipment and decorating so we got really wrapped up in that for a while." I shrugged again and looked between Annie and Johanna's expectant faces. "And…I mean, nothing happened for quite a bit after that. We were just so tired every night when we got in from working on the bakery…" I trailed off and Johanna nodded and shifted her position so that she was sitting forward.

"Sure, sure…so when did it happen?!" She asked loudly and Annie hushed her again and glanced over at the baby in his crib. He kicked his legs out once as if startled and then settled back into sleep.

I waited a few seconds to make sure the baby was really asleep, and maybe a little bit for dramatic affect, before I continued.

"Well, Haymitch was over for dinner this one night looking over the plans for the bakery for us and we were in the kitchen doing the dishes…" I said and bit my lip as I thought of that night. "Peeta came up behind me at the sink and started kissing my neck and I could…feel that he was excited." I whispered and Annie got a sad but starry-eyed look on her face which I assumed meant she was remembering a similar incident with Finnick.

I looked back to Johanna to give Annie a minute to compose herself and went on. "So we kinda kicked Haymitch out and were cleaning up the living room for the night and Peeta gave me this necklace while we were cuddling in the recliner." I said holding the pearl out from where it hung on my chest. "Peeta gave this to me in the Quarter Quell arena and I somehow managed to keep it when I was rescued by the rebels. I carried it around with me everywhere in the hospital in 12." I said softly and brought it to my lips, sliding it back and forth a few times lightly. "I used to kiss it and pretend it was Peeta's lips while the Capitol had him. Now I do it when he's having an episode." I said rolling it a few more times for good measure.

Annie and Johanna were both leaning forward with their elbows on their knees, their chins resting against the heels of their hands as they cupped their cheeks. I rolled my eyes a little and sighed. "and…then we started kissing, and some clothes started coming off so Peeta carried me up to our bedroom and…" I shrugged and looked towards the door, embarrassed. "We made love." I said picking at the blankets over my legs.

There was a long silence during which I began to feel embarrassed again until I looked up disapprovingly at Johanna's next comment.

"So how big is he?"

"Johanna!" Annie gasped and folded her arms. "That's none of our business!" She said scowling at her and then turned to me. "Don't answer that, Katniss, she's just being rude." Annie said turning her head to scowl at Johanna again.

I laughed and shrugged my shoulders. "I wouldn't know what to tell you anyway, I've never been with anyone but Peeta so I have nothing to compare him to." I said smiling softly. "I'll just say that he's perfect for me and leave it at that." I said with a single nod and Annie smirked at Johanna.

"You're so gross Johanna." She said resting back on her pillows again and sipping her original glass of wine.

"Oh please!" Johanna whispered loudly. "You told me _plenty _of carnal, descriptive detail about a few of yours and Finnick's hot and heavy encounters!" She said wagging her eyebrows and Annie gasped as I raised my eyebrows in surprise.

"Annie…wow, I didn't think you had it in you." I giggled. Yes, I actually giggled. Annie's cheeks turned red and she suddenly became very flustered as she set her wineglass down and folded her arms over her chest.

"Oh, she sure _had it in her_." Johanna cackled. "On Finnick's father's fishing boat, on the beach between the sand dunes…"

"Johanna!" Annie screeched and pulled the pillow from behind her head and pitched it at Johanna. Johanna deflected it with another cackle and fell over sideways on the bed laughing. I couldn't help laughing too. Unfortunately, in our fun we had all forgotten about the baby sleeping a few feet away until his little arms and legs shot out again and he began to cry.

"Ooops." Johanna said covering her mouth but still grinning as Annie got up and went to scoop Zale out of his crib. He curled into her neck as she carried him back to the bed and climbed in, settling him under the covers with her and rocking him in the crook of her arm.

The baby stared up at her grouchily making the three of us laugh. "Wow Annie, I just can't…I can't get over how much he looks like Finnick." I said leaning over to look at Zale's face more closely. "He's so cute." I said pouting out my bottom lip and reaching over to stroke the baby's impossibly tiny toes.

"Thinking of poppin' out a few little Mellarks yourself, Katniss?" Johanna asked and I shook my head quickly and sat back up against the pillows.

"We're only 19." I said defensively and saw Annie smiling out of the corner of my eye. It was the same lame excuse I had given her when she asked me the same question.

Sensing this was a sensitive subject, Johanna took the high road for once and changed the subject back to mine and Peeta's sexual exploits. I told them about Peeta freaking out over the blood on the sheets, about the second slow, sweet time in the morning and didn't even leave out the whole debacle with Gale coming to visit and sending Peeta into a 4 day episode.

I told them about the lake, and the backyard under the stars and about Peeta painting my body. I even told them about the new experience in the trailer on the way to the Capitol and they howled, waking the baby up again, when I told them about Effie walking in on us the second time we tried having sex that way in the hot tub.

When we all settled down and had gotten the baby back to sleep, we moved on to more tame topics as the night went on. I found myself actually enjoying girl talk which may have been the most surprising revelation of the evening.

Johanna talked about a guy she was seeing (casually, she claimed but I could see a hint of that look in her eyes that I had when talking about Peeta) back home. I was telling them about how well the bakery was doing and about Peeta running the baking classes for children on the weekend to make sure that every child in the District would be able to feed themselves if need be, when Johanna and Annie both looked at me with big smiles.

We were all curled up on the bed, drifting in and out of sleep occasionally and I looked between the two of them curiously.

"What?" I asked propping my head up on an elbow with a yawn. It was almost 2 in the morning.

"Nothing." Johanna said looking at Annie and smiling again. "You guys are just so damn cute it makes me want to puke." She teased and I dropped my head back onto the pillow with a chuckle.

"We're not…cute…we're…" I waved a hand in front of me, searching for the right word to describe our relationship. Before I could find it, a familiar voice supplied it from the doorway making all three of us gasp.

"Happy."

Peeta. He was standing in the doorway of the bedroom leaning against the jam with his arms folded over his chest. He looked tired but I didn't see anything to indicate he wasn't completely over the hijacking episode. I climbed off the bed with tears in my eyes and strode across the room.

"Very, very happy…most of the time." He said laughing as he caught me when I jumped up into his arms and wrapped my own around his neck, holding him close.

"You're okay?" I asked through my tears and buried my nose in his neck, breathing in the scent of him. Peeta rubbed his hands up and down my back and set me back down on my feet. He pulled back and looked down into my eyes.

"For sure." He smiled and kissed me soundly. I was so lost in the kiss that I almost didn't hear the identical sighs from Johanna and Annie behind me. I turned my head slowly and they were both sitting on the edge of the bed closest to us, Annie hugging the baby close in her arms and Johanna holding a pillow to her chest tightly as they watched us.

"Alright, alright…show's over." I said leaning into Peeta's side and looping my arms around his waist as he rocked me back and forth. "We were all starting to fall asleep anyway." I said and went back over to the bed and gave Annie and Johanna each a quick hug and kissed the baby on the head gently so that I wouldn't wake him again.

As I looked up from the baby, I saw Johanna staring curiously across the room. When I followed her gaze I reached out and smacked her on the knee. "Stop looking at his crotch!" I hissed and Johanna folded her arms and frowned. "Hey! He got to see my stuff!" She complained and Peeta smirked as I walked back over to him and he put an arm around my shoulders.

"Yeah, I did. Didn't _want to_ though." He said smacking a kiss on my cheek.

Annie wished us a good night and we headed out the door together and back down the hall to our room.

"Seriously, you're okay?" I asked when we stopped outside of our bedroom door and I wrapped my arms around his waist again. Peeta nodded and leaned down to kiss me gently once, twice and then wrapped his arms around me and deepened the kiss, slipping his tongue into my mouth to rub lightly against mine. I moaned softly and slid my hands down to his lower back, bunching his shirt in my hands tightly.

"Guess that answers that question." I teased when we pulled back finally. "I talked to Dr. Aurelius this afternoon. It was a good talk." I said smiling softly up at him and reaching up to stroke his cheek. "How was your talk with him?" I asked, curious about this special project he'd been given. "Haymitch said he gave you something to do? A…a writing or something?" I asked and kissed his jaw lightly.

Peeta nodded and turned his head to kiss a line down my neck to the little dip between my collar bones. "A speech for the memorial tomorrow." He mumbled and slid one hand up between us to untie the pajama pants I was wearing. "He thought with the way I gave speeches so well during the Victory Tour that I might be a good choice to speak at the dedication of the Hunger Games memorial tomorrow." He said with a shrug and I reached for the handle behind me and pushed open the door.

"That's a great idea." I said tugging him in with me and shutting the door. "It's actually kinda perfect." I smiled and started un-tucking his shirt from his pants and pulled it over his head.

Peeta smiled back and leaned down to kiss me again and slipped his hands into the back of my pants to cup my ass. I groaned against his lips when he started kneading it and I pushed my hips into his, grinding against the zipper of his pants.

"You know what else would be perfect?" Peeta murmured against my lips as I slid my hands all over his newly bare chest and back. I pulled back and looked up into his face. We were both already breathing heavy and our cheeks were flushed, our lips swollen from kissing.

"Take me to bed, Peeta." I whispered biting my bottom lip gently. He nodded enthusiastically and scooped me up in his arms.

"Yeah, that's what I was thinking." He grunted and threw me onto the bed making me squeal. He climbed onto the bed with me after pushing his pants to the ground and I was already kicking my pants away and pulling the t-shirt over my head.

"Hey, hey…let me catch up." Peeta chuckled and leaned over me, pressing his hips into me as he kissed me again and I could feel his erection straining against my belly through his boxers. I reached down and slipped my hand into his shorts, gripping him tightly and working him with my hand as we kissed sloppily, hurrying toward what we both wanted so badly after being apart all day.

Peeta sobbed a moan against my cheek, the hot air of his breath only making me more excited. I grunted myself when he slid a hand up to massage first one then the other breast as he continued to thrust into my hand as I touched him.

"You ready?" he asked in that raspy voice that always came out of him during sex and I nodded and squeezed him through one last stroke all the way from the tip to the base. Peeta hissed and slid the hand that had been touching my chest quickly down the middle of my body, over my sternum, my navel and plunged 2 fingers straight into me, moaning at just how ready he found me.

"Ohh..Kat…" he gasped and I pushed the front of his shorts down just enough to free his erection and dropped my legs open around him as he lined his hips up to enter me.

"Peeta!" I cried digging my fingers into his backside as he thrust hard straight up into me. We both stilled for a moment, taking in the feeling of being joined again and I kissed from one of Peeta's shoulders across his neck and upper chest to the other shoulder as we caught our breath.

"I love you, Katniss." He whispered shakily when I looked up into his face as he remained buried inside of me still not moving yet. I reached up and brushed his bangs out of his eyes, running my knuckles down the side of his face and smiling lovingly at him.

"I love you too, Peeta. So, so much baby." I whispered and moved my hands to grip his sides and raised my hips to let him know I wanted him to start moving. Peeta lowered his lips to mine and whispered 'so much' back to me as he slowly but steadily began to build a rhythm between us.

I raised my hips so that they met his as he thrust forward, pushing him deeper and deeper each time and drawing moan after moan from my lips. Our lips fell away from each others as he sped up even more and wrapped his arms around my torso, pulling me up as he sat back on the mattress with his legs behind me and I began to rock my hips faster and faster and wrapped my arms around Peeta's neck. Our sweaty stomachs slapped together driving us closer to our orgasms.

I needed only to thread my fingers through the hair on the back of his head, tugging gently but firmly and Peeta thrust once more upwards and stilled as I felt him explode hard inside of me. He grabbed onto my hips, digging his fingers into them as he raised and lowered me until I screamed out his name with me own powerful orgasm and we collapsed together at the bottom of the bed.

"Yowser." Peeta panted as he drew silly designs on my back in the sheen of sweat that was covering both of us.

I turned my head so that my chin was on his chest and smiled, still catching my breath.

"No kidding." I chuckled and kissed his chin once gently before sliding off of him and pulling the turned down blankets over us.

"Don't you wanna move back up to the pillows where you'll be more comfortable?" Peeta asked wrapping me in his arms so that my head was resting on his upper arm. I pulled back and reached up to stroke his hair back from his forehead again and shook my head.

"I've never been more comfortable than I am right at this very moment." I answered honestly and Peeta gave me one of his thousand watt smiles and snuggled into the mattress.

"Night Katniss." He whispered threading one of his legs through both of mine comfortably. I wrapped one arm across his chest and kissed the bicep my head was resting on.

"Night Peet." I whispered back and fell asleep wrapped safe and sound in the arms of the man I loved.


	21. Interlude 3

Interlude 3

There has never been a time in the past 20 some odd years where being behind the door with the red X on the handle has been easy. when Katniss and I were younger and it was just the two of us and Haymitch to think about, part of my suffering was due to the hijacked thoughts, of course, but there was another part of the experience that was equally, if not more, painful-

-Knowing what it was doing to the people I cared about most to see what I was going through, and being helpless to stop it.

I know by the look on her face when I finally emerge from the bedroom after one that it has never gotten easier for Katniss to know that I still have episodes where I feel like I want to harm her, or have thoughts that cast doubt on her love for me. I've tried many times to tell her that she needs to stop shouldering all of the blame every time I'm behind that door but I've stopped doing so in recent years because this particular conversation usually leads to a fight. A little before Bow was born we agreed to disagree on this.

Little did either of us know, with the birth of that beautiful baby girl would come an entirely different, but equally painful sense of guilt to weigh on my own conscience when I realized being away from Katniss during an episode also meant being away from my little girl who needed her mother for nearly everything in those first several months.

There were nights with several wake ups to feed Bow when I'm sure it would have been nice for Katniss to have someone to pass off the diaper changes, the rocking to sleep, or the seemingly endless loop walking around the house when Bow was colicy and took hours to get back down. I would hear her awaken with a cry and get up only to realize I was alone in the bed and Katniss and Bow were across the hall in the nursery together. We had placed a bed in there for Katniss to sleep in on the nights I had to be alone. It was heartbreaking to hear my baby crying and not being able to do anything to help her or to make the job easier on Katniss.

Like any parent I would then over compensate for the time I missed by jumping up to attend to every little noise she made at night or changing her if I noticed her diaper was even the slightest bit wet. Katniss finally had to sit me down and gently explain that this was, in a way, less helpful because the baby then expected to be held every minute of the day and screamed if her diapering and feeding needs weren't immediately met. We worked this out by Katniss choosing to start pumping milk for Bow when she was about 2 months old so that I could feed her sometimes too with the bottled milk and feel more included in her day to day care.

By the time Katniss was pregnant with Finn, Bow was a toddler and sleeping well at night but again, my hijacking absences became a problem when Bow developed what Katniss refers to as 'the daddies'. In a nutshell, this meant that Bow wanted to be with me every waking minute of the day. She cried when I left in the morning to go to the bakery even though she knew that Katniss would be bringing her there for lunch in a few hours. She wanted me to put her to bed every night and even using the bathroom became a social event as Bow would sit outside the door sometimes, waiting for me to finish (Katniss found that aspect of the Daddy phase to be pretty entertaining actually).

I found it mostly endearing until my episodes occurred pretty regularly for a few months when Katniss was still carrying Finn (another unfortunate trigger we had begun to notice for the episodes was if any big changes were going on and frequent morning sickness paired with some scary early labor false alarms meant definite big change in our home). Bow found it impossible in her toddler mind to understand why she couldn't be with me when I was in the house, right across the hall from her.

The first night she had kicked and screamed on the floor outside of the bedroom door _begging _to be let in, for me to hold her, to rock her to sleep and most heartbreaking of all, that she was 'sorry' which only made me feel worse knowing that she assumed I was mad at her and that was why I wasn't coming to her. There wasn't much Katniss could do at 5 months pregnant but to call Haymitch over to take Bow for the night which thankfully, he did. The next night Katniss had slept in Bow's little bed with her which earned her a three hour nap the next day when I was able to leave the room finally. I took Bow to the lake to swim so that Katniss would have the optimum peace and quiet for her rest and Bow barely let me put her down all day.

I was happy to have my smiley little girl back but the emotional damage had already been done for having put not only my wife, but my innocent child through that as well.

I felt just like I do right now watching my little son have a similar reaction to not being able to go to me for comfort after being bitten by one of Haymitch's geese.

I have been watching Katniss and the children since they moved from our front porch to Haymitch's yard late this morning. I'd like to write off the tantrum he's having as something as simple as that it is getting near lunchtime and he's hungry, but I know better.

I have to turn away from the window when I hear him screaming for me as Katniss tries to catry him across the yard. I just catch sight of him doing 'the croissant manuever' to try and make Katniss put him down before I move to rest my forehead against the bedroom wall. It's just too much to bear sometimes.

Through the open bedroom window I can hear Haymitch taking a shot at consoling Finnick by inviting him up onto his lap. Before Finn can respond though, it is Bow's tearful voice I hear telling Haymitch that she wants me too. If I wasn't at my breaking point with Finn's display, I am pushed over the edge hearing my usually strong daughter crying for me too.

I no longer fight back the tears that have been threatening since Finn began crying for me and I feel them rush down my cheeks as I move back to the window looking down on my family. Bow is in Haymitch's lap, her little arms around his neck as he comforts her as best he can. I can tell by how her body language that Katniss is exasperated. I can't say I blame her at this point, so instead I blame myself.

"I'm so sorry babies." I whisper softly and sniffle as my nose begins to run from crying so hard "I'm so sorry Kat." I close my eyes briefly, trying to steady my breathing and fighting a wave of 'bad thoughts' when I hear the commotion outside suddenly stop and open them again.

I can just make out that what Katniss is saying as I see my son sit up on the blanket he's been screaming on and pull something away from his neck. It only takes me a second to realize Katniss has placed her pearl necklace over his head.

I listen with a sad smile as she explains the origins of the pearl to our children, captivating their attention in a way only a mother can. I catch Haymitch's eye once or twice and know he has seen me at the window and I appreciate it when he says nothing to Katniss or the kids.

I smile slightly when Katniss tells of kissing the pearl and pretending it was my lips and then Bow makes note of how amorous she finds her parents to be and Haymitch agrees with her. I smile wider as I realize my children, unlike myself and my brothers, will never have reason to doubt their parents' love for each other if at 5 my daughter already thinks we kiss too much.

I raise my hand to rest my palm against the glass of the window as I watch Bow climb off of Haymitch's lap and cuddle into her mother's arms with Finn. Their voices are hushed but I can gather what has been said when I see the first the children and then Katniss each take a turn kissing the pearl.

I almost step away from the window when I see my daughter swinging her head from side to side looking for something but I don't. I know she has spotted me when her back stiffens and she cranes her neck up at the second story window I am standing in. I try to smile, safe in the knowledge that none of them can see my tears from this distance and offer her a little wave which she returns.

Katniss keeps a hand on Finn's head which is buried in her neck but turns and looks up at me as well. we hold each others gaze for a long moment, a million things being said with eyes like only two people who have been together through a dozen lifetimes worth of living can.

And when Katniss blows me a kiss I hear her heart saying S_tay with me_.

When I pretend to catch it against the window, I press her kiss to my heart and hope she hears mine answer A_lways_.


	22. Chapter 19

a/n: Soooo sorry for the long wait! You'd think as a teacher spring break would have given me plenty of time to finish this but that obviously was not the case! During my hiatus I noticed this story is up to 102 followers so that's was an awesome treat! Thanks so much for reading and reviewing guys! You rock!

Also, this is a fairly long chapter so hopefully, in this case, size will matter in making up for the long wait ;) Enjoy!

-Beth

Chapter 19

The morning of the Memorial I woke up with an immediate feeling of peace as I lay curled in Peeta's arms at the bottom of the bed where we had fallen asleep the night before, that was immediately replaced by a knot of tension deep in my stomach as I realized the memorial would mean lots of people and cameras and the kind of exposure I had avoided like some deadly plague since my return to District 12.

I must have had some physiological response to my sudden change in mood because Peeta suddenly startled awake next to me and then wrapped me closer in his arms and looked down into my eyes.

"Hey, you okay? What time is it?" He asked with a yawn and tried to focus his eyes past the bed curtains we hadn't closed the night before to look at the clock on my nightstand.

I lifted my head to look back up towards the top of the bed. "About 7:15." I whispered and pressed a kiss to his chest as I shifted over to my side, letting an arm fall around his hips.

"Didn't answer the first part of my question." Peeta murmured sleepily but with an edge of concern that told me he was awake enough to know that something was bothering me. When I didn't immediately respond, he lifted his head again and looked down at me steadily.

I sighed and dropped my head to the side so that my cheek was resting against his chest and I could hear the steady, comforting beat of his heart. I knew that the was having some feelings about the memorial too so I felt strange about laying my own fears on him as well.

"I don't know…just…freaking out a little bit over this whole memorial reveal today." I mumbled and wrapped my arms around him a little tighter and nuzzled the smattering of surprisingly dark chest hair that had begun growing on him in the past few months.

Peeta brought his arms up around me, hiking me a little higher up his side so that his eyes were level with mine. "What for? You're not the one giving a speech." He teased trying to help me shake the nervous feeling still gnawing at my gut.

He dropped one hand to my bare backside and stroked it softly before pushing me fully onto my stomach and kneading the tight muscles in my back to help me relax. I propped my upper body up on my elbows and stroked a hand over his chest and stomach lightly.

"Come on, Peeta…" I said moving my hand until it was flat on his abdomen. I pushed back a little to look at him seriously. "It's not exactly a secret to anyone in Panem that I don't do too well in front of…crowds or…or cameras." I said letting my head drop onto the bed beside Peeta's.

He shrugged and propped himself up sideways on one elbow to look down at me moved his hand from my back to thread his fingers through the one I still had resting on his stomach. "Oh come on, Katniss." He said leaning down to kiss me gently. "You didn't do all that bad in the interviews for the Games, and I saw your propos from the war, you were fantastic." He said smiling softly.

"Yeah, but I was…I don't know, in the moment for those propos. I wasn't…acting or following a script of anything like that. I was saying what I felt." I argued and Peeta kissed the anxious furrow that was forming between my eyes as I frowned.

"Yeah, I know who you were being. Yourself." He smiled. "That's my _favorite_ Katniss Everdeen you know?" he asked with a grin and I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah, well you don't count…you have to like me, you're my boyfriend." I mumbled and Peeta snorted and rolled us over until he was on top of me, his legs falling to either side of my thighs.

"Gee, Katniss, don't sounds so excited by that, it's embarrassing…" he laughed and I sighed and reached for the pearl resting against my throat. I brought it up between our faces to my lips and rolled it back and forth a few times, something I'd taken to doing lately when I was nervous.

"Well, at least today I don't really have to do any talking…" I said puffing out my cheeks. "The interviews tomorrow are going to be when I _really _freak out and start looking for a supply closet to hide in."

Peeta sighed as well and reached up to take the pearl from my fingers. He kissed it himself before rolling it gently over my lips in a steady rhythm. "You'll be fine." He promised. "I'll be there, Haymitch and Effie and Johanna and Annie will be there. We'll take care of each other, just like always." He whispered and I nodded slowly after a long moment.

"Now come on…" He said leaning down to kiss me once, twice and on the third kiss, he deepened it and caught my bottom lip between his teeth. "…call Avitus and have our breakfast brought up to the room so you can take your time eating and not have to leave the room until you feel comfortable…" He kissed me again and brought his hands up to hold my face as he deepened the kiss once more. "And while we wait, I'll finish the painting and you can be the first to see the finished product." He whispered and I slapped his chest. Hard.

I knew he was just trying to make me laugh, but I wanted to make sure he knew the world of hurt he was in for if he ever did think of showing my painting to anyone else.

"I better be the _only_ one to see the finished product Peeta Mellark." I warned and he fell to his side on the bed next to me, holding his stomach as he laughed uproariously at the look I was giving him.

I tucked the blankets from our bed under my armpits and stared him down with raised eyebrows as he continued to laugh. When I reached for my robe hanging on the footboard, Peeta sat up shaking his head as he tried to get his laughter under control.

"Alright, alright! I'll stop, just…go lay in the window seat and I'll tell you how to put your hands." He said trying to keep his face neutral as he scrambled off the bed in just his underwear. Peeta pulled his prosthetic on quickly before going to sit on the stool in front of the easel and turned it so that he could see the painting of me. I flushed slightly at seeing it again, a reaction I was pretty sure would take a long time to stop myself from having each time I saw it.

I reached for the phone beside the bed and called down to Avitus, asking if he could send up a selection of breakfast items in about an hour. When I hung up, I stayed under the covers for a few more minutes, watching Peeta's expert hands mixing the paints he would need to complete the painting.

I was so caught up in watching him, focused and completely in his professional element (aside from the fact he was in a pair of boxer shorts and nothing else) that I forgot an integral part of completing the painting was still not in place; me.

"You gonna lay there watching me all morning or you want to go get in the window so I can finish my new favorite painting?" Peeta asked glancing at me over his shoulder with a sly smile.

I held his gaze as I tossed the blankets aside and climbed off of the bed as gracefully as I possibly could without a stitch of clothing on. I strode over to the window, smirking at Peeta as I passed him and fluffed the decorative pillows still lying haphazardly in the seat.

"Which one was in front the green one or the blue one?" I asked and Peeta looked up from his paint mixing to tell me the blue was in the back and the green in front.

I fixed them and then took a deep breath before stretching out on the seat with the pillows propped behind my head and back.

"Where do my hands go again?" I asked trying to make my voice sound strong as I looked over at Peeta. He looked between me and the painting a few times, demonstrating with one of his own hands how the one above my head should go and I folded it behind my head easily. When he told me where to place the one at my hip, my sensory memory reminded me that I could just feel the top edge of my pubic hair when I'd last sat for Peeta like this earlier in the week.

"A little lower." Peeta said glancing between the painting and the hand on my hip. I slid the hand an inch closer to my center and stopped. "A little lower." Peeta said again and I frowned, knowing there was no way my hand had been any farther down. That was when I saw the glint in Peeta's eye and the hint of a smile tugging at his lips.

"Asshole!" I laughed and launched one of the pillows behind my head at him, hitting him in the face. Peeta laughed as he stood and brought the pillow back over to me, placing it behind me where it had originally been.

"Sorry, couldn't resist." He chuckled and sat down on the edge of the window seat. He stroked one of his hands up the leg I had propped on the seat from my ankle to the knee, all the way up to my hip.

My body responded instantly and I felt my nipples tighten and my heart rate and breathing increase as I felt a flush spreading over my body. It gave me the same affected look Peeta's kisses had before he began working on the painting the first time.

"Perfect." He whispered and leaned down to kiss me deeply as he slid the hand on my hip up to ghost over my abdomen and each breast lightly before grasping my chin between two fingers and kissing my lips.

When he pulled back, he smiled at the look in my eyes and rose, moving back over to sit on the stool and picked up his pallet as he began to paint again.

I turned my head to look out the same middle panel he had instructed me to look through before and relaxed back into the pillows. I could tell just by the occasional creaking of the stool or clearing of his throat, that Peeta was definitely becoming aroused.

"Wanna take a break?" I asked after a half hour of silence broken up only by the occasional soft breathing or clearing of a throat from one of us.

"More than you'll ever understand." Peeta whispered and then laughed softly. "But no, I'm just about finished…another 15 minutes probably." He promised. "Then I'm going to come over there and make love to you in the window." He said quietly and I couldn't stop my legs from closing and rubbing together briefly. "Katniss!" Peeta hissed and I groaned and put my legs back how they needed to be for the painting.

Those 15 minutes it took for Peeta to finish the painting felt like an eternity with how turned on I had become. When Peeta finally finished and brought the comforter from the bed over to the window to cover us, I practically attacked him.

"Hey…" Peeta laughed as he leaned down to kiss me and I looped my arms around his neck.

He draped the comforter over his shoulders and climbed on top of me on the window seat cocooning us inside as I reached to push his shorts down.

"Don't you wanna see the painting?" He whispered rubbing his nose against my cheek lightly.

"Later." I groaned and pulled the comforter over both of our heads with a laugh.

We were still snuggled together on the window a little later, when there was a knock at the door. Peeta slipped out of the covers and pulled his shorts back on and I pulled the comforter around me as I stood from the window and walked over to sit on the stool in front of the easel.

I had to admit, the painting was stunning. It never failed to amaze me to see myself through Peeta's eyes. When he returned from the door pushing a small cart of food, he left it by the table and walked over to stand behind me and wrapped his arms around my shoulders on top of the comforter I wore.

"Like it?" He asked and I could hear the trepidation in his voice. He really cared what I thought of it. He'd captured the look in my eyes that was equal parts love, lust and apprehension perfectly. I could almost see the gooseflesh on my olive skin and seeing the way my nipples swelled in the painting sent a jolt from my chest to between my legs.

"I do…it's very…tasteful." I said nodding and leaned back into his arms. I felt Peeta smile against my hair and he rocked me back and forth from side to side.

"You sure you're okay with me putting it in our bedroom above the bakery? I mean, no one goes in there except for us, but if you'd rather I kept it at the house or…or kept it away somewhere…" he trailed off and I shook my head.

"No, no. It's fine if you want to put it there. It'll look nice." I whispered and turned my head to kiss him softly. "Thank you. I really do love it, Peet." I smiled against his lips and Peeta slipped his tongue into my mouth, deepening the kiss briefly before he pulled back.

"And thank you." He whispered looking down at me. "For trusting me enough to let me paint you like that. I know it was a big deal for you to do it and I appreciate it." Peeta said turning back to look the painting over. "I'll leave it to dry now and then cover it and put it out in the trailer tonight when we get back from dinner. Sound good?" He asked and moved the easel so that it was facing away from the door where anyone who came into the room could see it.

"Sure." I said stretching as I walked back over to the bed and pulled my robe on after shrugging the comforter off of my shoulders. I looked at the bed we had been sleeping…and _not_ sleeping in for 4 nights already and then to Peeta. "Hey," I said as he walked over to stand on his side of the bed. "Pull the sheets off over there, we should probably send these down to be washed. I think I saw a set of fresh linens in the bathroom closet the first morning." I told Peeta as we pulled all of the sheets off of our bed.

Peeta was smiling as we removed the bed linens and I laughed softly. "You're so gross." I said shaking my head and Peeta brought the soiled sheets to his face and gave them a sniff.

"Ugh..yeah, they're getting pretty ripe." He chuckled and balled all of the covers up and set them by the door to carry down with us later. We remade the bed, ate our breakfast and then showered and dressed just in time to hear Haymitch's crabby voice over the intercom telling us that we'd be leaving in 15 minutes for the memorial and we ought to 'give it a rest for at least one friggin' morning anyway'. Peeta grabbed a few pieces of paper from his nightstand that I hadn't noticed the night before and folded them up as we walked out the door together and headed downstairs.

"You ready?" He whispered taking my hand as we reached the first floor foyer and joined the rest of our group.

"Yeah, I think I'm okay now. Thanks." I smiled and squeezed his hand gently before releasing it to take the baby from Annie to say good morning to him.

"Morning little man." Peeta whispered over my shoulder and chuckled when the baby's hand snapped out and he grabbed onto Peeta's nose.

The ride to the CityCenter on the other side of the President's Mansion was a quiet and tense one. Plutarch had decided that he wanted everyone's reaction to the memorial to be as authentic as possible and so none of us had any idea what the Hunger Games memorial was going to look like. All we knew was that it was a massive bronze statue of some sort.

Haymitch didn't like all of us going into this without knowing any more than that and I had heard him even as recently as the previous day on the phone with Plutarch heatedly discussing that point.

We all exchanged anxious looks in the limo and the only thing breaking up the silence was the baby's coos and cries. Johanna looked like she was fighting off a mixture of extreme anger and extreme nausea and not hiding it very well. Annie stared out the front window, her eyes focused on something farther away than any of us could see as she held the baby close and stroked the back of his downy head.

Effie and Haymitch sat across from each other, occasionally making eye contact between concerned looks at each of the rest of us in the car. I leaned into Peeta's side and he put an arm around my shoulders, pulling me closer the closer we got to the CityCenter.

For my part, I was nervous, but I was becoming more and more curious about the papers Peeta had tucked inside his coat pocket. I knew whatever he wrote down to say would be perfect, I was just surprised that neither Haymitch or Plutarch or any other government officials had asked to look it over first. The faith everyone from common citizen to the new President Paylor had in Peeta amazed me.

"Pulling up." The driver said as the car began to slow down, jolting everyone out of their own thoughts. I turned my head and looked at Peeta who offered me a reassuring smile as the driver got out to open the doors for us. I could already hear the murmur of the crowd as soon as the door opened and I looked over at Haymitch who offered me a similar reassuring smile and added a wink as well. I nodded and tried to smile back at him as everyone began piling out of the car to thunderous applause. Or at least I _thought _it was thunderous until it rose considerably when Peeta and I climbed out of the car last.

I looked around as I stepped out onto the road and pulled my black peacoat around my body tighter. There were thousands upon thousands of people lining the streets outside of the CityCenter and surrounding the stage that had been erected for those speaking at the dedication of the memorial. In the main square behind the stage was a massive structure stretching almost the length of the enormous stage itself. It was covered completely with white sheeting which told me this was probably the memorial.

We waved and smiled as we were all led to the stage with people yelling our names, cheering and calling out a million questions all at once. Just as we reached the steps to the stage, Plutarch suddenly appeared beside Peeta and me.

"Good morning Peeta, Katniss." He smiled and hugged me and shook Peeta's hand. "Feeling better today, Peeta?" He asked quietly as he leaned in to us. I could tell by the look in his eyes that he obviously knew about Peeta having an episode the day before and also that he was truly concerned about him.

"Much, thank you." Peeta said with a tight smile and I squeezed his hand between our hips as the others joined us at the steps. There were hellos all around from the head government officials, most of whom had been rebel leaders we had fought alongside those last days in the Capitol. Many others I knew from my tour of District 8 as President Paylor brought several of her higher ranking commanders to the Capitol with her to fill positions of power in the new government.

I was put a little more at ease when I saw genuine happiness in their eyes to see the remaining victors carrying on with their lives and beginning to heal from the horrors inflicted on us before and during the war. As we were being passed along the receiving line on our way to the stage, we were joined by Beetee who, as promised, left whatever new technologies he had been working on in the Capitol to join us for the dedication. I gave him a brief hug, still feeling a little awkward with him based on the connection he had to Gale and the bombs they had produced together. The bombs that had more than likely killed my sister.

"Katniss, Peeta. So good to see you back in the Capitol." He said with a smile and glanced at our joined hands approvingly. "And looking so well, too." I offered a smile back and Peeta nodded quickly and brought an arm back around me as we climbed the stairs to the stage together to more applause. Following us were Johanna, Annie and the baby, Haymitch and behind him, I spotted Enobaria. I had to admit, I was pretty surprised that she showed up for the dedication being as she was a bit of an outcast to both sides of the war. The rebels had seen her as a Capitol sympathizer because she was a career from District 2 who had been treated better than most Hunger Games victors. The Capitol had seen her as a victor and as such, someone who could not be trusted as the majority of the victors were obviously taking the side of the rebels.

'But that was during the war' I reminded myself. This was after and we were all trying to bring the country together as one. Not Capitol and District, but as equal citizens of a unified nation. I offered her a tight smile and was surprised when she returned it after a moment. We both nodded and went back to looking out at the seemingly endless sea of people still cheering and waving to us all.

The President was announced and came to the stage with very little fanfare (which I found to be refreshing compared to the elaborate entrances I'd seen President Snow making all of my life). She nodded politely to each of her officials and then stopped and shook the hand of each victor and spoke with them a few moments. When she reached Peeta, she stepped over to stand between the two of us and looked down at our linked hands with a small smile.

"Peeta, Katniss. I'm very glad to see you." She said with a nod and shook each of our hands lightly.

"Thank you for the invitation." I said with a clear and strong voice. "12 will always be my home, but it was nice driving out here and seeing all the changes for the better that have taken place since I was sent home." I wanted to make sure that she knew I was grateful, but also that I still remembered where I stood as something of a war criminal for having killed President Coin.

Paylor gave me the kind of smile that told me she knew what I was hedging at and looked out at the croud a moment trying to think of something to say to that. She heaved a sigh and linked her hands behind her back casually as she turned back and looked Peeta and I over briefly.

"I've kept up with reading Dr. Aurelius' weekly reports on your progress over the last year." She said looking between each of us, keeping her gaze focused on our eyes. "I'm pleased with the progress I've seen in his notes…" She looked down at our linked hands quickly and then back to our faces. "Very pleased." We both nodded and looked at each other quizzically and back to the President.

"Pleased enough…" She said leaning in close to us so that we could hear her clearly over the crowd. "…that I think if I feel safe enough to be around you without an armed guard, then I feel confident you needn't be confined to 12 anymore." She said and both Peeta and I gaped at her. "You have friends in other districts…" she said glancing down the line of victors at Johanna and Annie specifically. "And I believe your mother practices medicine in the new hospital in District 4?"

I looked at the ground and nodded. "She does…I…I haven't seen her since I returned to 12 though…only talked to her on the phone a few times." I mumbled and narrowed my eyes at the sudden painful realization that I missed my mother. I knew why she hadn't come to visit me because it was the same reason I hadn't suggested asking for permission to visit her. "I don't even know if she'd want me to come and see her." I admitted and then looked up when the president placed a hand on my shoulder.

"Well, then maybe you should ask her." She said with a soft smile and looked to her right at the front corner of the stage. My mother was standing in the front row of the crowd, a tentative hand raised in a small wave and a sad smile on her face. I suddenly wanted to run to her and hug her but my pride kept me in place beside Peeta.

I offered her a sad smile back and nodded to let her know I was fine if she wanted to come to me. Paylor nodded to two guards standing near her and they lead my mother to the steps which she hurried up and then made her way across the stage to me. Peeta turned slightly to the side so that he and Paylor along with the two guards who had brought my mom to the stage created a sort of wall blocking this private reunion between mother and daughter from the view of the crowd.

We stood staring at each other for the longest time, but it was my mom who spoke first.

"Katniss…I—."I didn't let her finish speaking, instead I just reached out and pulled her into my arms and hugged her tightly.

"I know, it's okay." I whispered beside her ear and she brought her arms up to hold me close too. There was too much in the past for either of us to put into words so we just held each other for a few long moments. It seemed like a much better idea than trying to fill the space with words that could bring no comfort only a year after losing the person we both loved most.

When we finally pulled back from each other, Mom smiled sadly and reached up to touch my cheek. "You look…so… _grown up_, Katniss." She whispered and I glanced at Peeta and felt my cheeks flush slightly. '_Can she tell?_' I wondered silently. Of course she knew from phone calls made and received, when one of us wasn't feeling crushed by the sadness of losing Prim, that Peeta and I were living together in my victor home, but we'd never exactly discussed the exact nature of our arrangement together.

When her smile widened and she followed my gaze to Peeta who was looking a bit bashful himself, I knew that of course she knew; even the smallest details seldom get past a mother's intuition. I remember thinking that the Gamemakers should have looked into harnassing _that_ power when they built the forcefields around their Hunger Games arenas.

She covered for mine and Peeta's embarrassment by noting that I hadn't been like a child in her eyes for quite some time, it was just the shock of not physically seeing me for a year that made her feel that way.

"Thanks, Mom." I murmured and she hugged me again before turning to Peeta. He straightened his posture and smiled that easy smile that made anyone he met like him instantly. My mother smiled brightly and stepped over to wrap him in her arms as well.

I hadn't seen Peeta with his own mother often, but from the few stories he'd shared with me, I gathered she wasn't a very nice person. I mean, who tells their own child that she thinks their district partner in the Hunger Games might bring the first victory for the district in years and doesn't think to care that this means her son will die?

Watching him with my mother, I could see the initial hesitance to accept her affection but when my mom slid one of her hands up to hold the back of his head like a small child, Peeta relaxed into her arms and brought his own up to hug her back.

"Thank you for taking care of my daughter, Peeta." I could just hear her say over the murmur of the crowd that was still gathering for the dedication. I heard him whisper back a shy 'you're welcome' before my mom pulled back and touched his cheek like she had mine.

"And you too, Haymitch." She said still looking at Peeta but addressing the man who stood just a few feet to Peeta's left trying, and failing, to look aloof. Peeta turned his head first and then my mother and I followed suit. All three of us tried not to laugh at Haymitch's obvious discomfort.

He mumbled to himself, shifting uncomfortably and didn't turn his head towards any of us when he replied.

"Yeah, sure thing…I just…pop my head in from time to time anyway…" he said clearing his throat. "They take care of themselves well enough." He said and Peeta and I both chuckled softly.

"I'm…I'm really glad you could make it to this." I said when my mother moved to stand between me and Beetee. Peeta had already reached over for one of my hands and my mother took the other in both of hers.

She cast her eyes nervously to the ground in such a way that I knew she was holding back from saying something. "Me too, I…I almost didn't come at all…" she said finally raising her eyes to mine and I laughed lightly.

"Me either…" I admitted and looked at Peeta quickly and then back to my mom. "We originally told Plutarch no, but Peeta said it might be better if we came and…faced our fears or…or something like that." I said and smiled at him. "He can be very persuasive as most of the country already knows." I said.

"Yes, he certainly can." My mother said with a knowing smile.

We all stepped back a little as the stage began to fill up with more official looking people, pushing our line of people who arrived first to the stage back toward the rows of chairs lined up for us all to sit in. I didn't hear one victor complain about our being removed, however temporary, from the center of attention as we each swiftly found our way to a chair. Once we had settled in and fixed coats and scarves around ourselves to better shield from the chill of the winter morning, my mother turned to face Peeta and myself better.

"I heard that you'll be giving the speech before the unveiling this morning Peeta, that's wonderful." Despite the pretty convincing act she put on for cameras when we returned from the Games, my mom has always demonstrated a fondness for Peeta. Maybe it was that she grew up in the town with his father and knew what a good and kind man he was, or maybe it was hearing the story of Peeta throwing me the bread in the first Games, but whatever the reason, she had a genuine affection for him.

"Yes ma'am, I am." Peeta replied shyly but, as usual didn't look the slightest bit nervous about facing the crowd in front of us or the millions that would be watching on television.

I squeezed his hand where it rested on his knee and he leaned over boldly and caught my lips in a kiss which I just as boldly returned. It wasn't for the crowd or to prove anything to my mother who already knew we were living together back in 12, it was a way of communicating that we were there to back up the other if either of us needed the support during this ceremony. When we pulled back slightly, I rested my forehead against Peeta's and we each took a deep, steadying breath.

"I love you." I whispered softly enough for Peeta to hear but not enough to avoid having my mother hear. Peeta leaned back a little farther and smiled his thousand watt smile at me.

"Love you too." He whispered back and winked at me as we heard the crackle of a microphone turning on and Plutarch walked to the middle of the stage. The crowd cheered and all of us on stage clapped politely until Plutarch raised his hands with a smile, signaling for the crowd to quiet down.

"Thank you, thank you! I'm delighted to see such a tremendous turnout for today's dedication of the Hunger Games memorial." Some more cheering ensued and I couldn't help smiling when I felt both my mother and Peeta each squeeze the hand of mine they were holding in a gesture of support.

"As you see behind me here on the stage, the remaining Hunger Games victors have graciously agreed to honor us with their presence on this day of rememberance." Plutarch said turning to look down the line of faces in the front row of chairs where we all sat, front and center once again since the government officials had moved to take the seats behind us when Plutarch headed to center stage. "And that is exactly what it is. Not a day for celebration, merriment, or silly parties where we fill ourselves with food and drink. It is a day for honoring the children plucked from their homes and families for 75 years and forced to kill one another in arenas filled with unspeakable horrors in the name of entertainment."

I realize it may seem redundant at this point, but the first thing that popped into my head after hearing Plutarch's opening remarks was '_Wow'. _I glanced over at Peeta whose eyebrows were raised and I could tell the same exact cliché word was ping-ponging around inside his head as well.

The murmur of excitement that had been coursing through the crowd changed just that quickly to an uncomfortable and offended buzz. Despite the obvious change in the mood of the crowd, Plutarch soldiered on, clearly bent on reminding everyone of the true reason we were all gathered there that day.

"Speaking today on behalf of the Hunger Games victors is 74th Hunger Games victor, Peeta Mellark."

Despite the hysteria and fear the Capitol had tried to instill in its' citizens during those last days as the rebel forces pushed farther and farther into the city, Peeta remained in the favor of most citizens once the dust had settled so to speak.

As soon as Plutarch said Peeta's name, the crowd broke into cheers and whistles. Shouts of his name could be heard from everywhere around the stage and down the surrounding streets.

Peeta leaned over and kissed me once more as he started to stand from his chair to head for the podium at the front of the stage. I reached up and held his cheek on the side of his head facing the crowd so that my wrist covered our joined lips. I knew that the whole country was watching us kiss and it made me feel a little bit better to give us that small bit of privacy.

"You good?" I whispered lightly and he deepened the kiss as I felt him reach up run a hand through my hair. The crowd cheered more loudly and I could only just hear Peeta's reply when he finally pulled back from my lips.

"I am now." He whispered and winked at me as he stood and turned toward the podium. I watched him straighten his shoulders and take a quick, steadying breath before he walked to the front of the stage.

The crowd continued to cheer and cheer as Peeta neared the podium but stopped when he reached it and raised a hand to quiet them. I could only see the side of his face, but it was enough to see that he definitely wasn't the smiling, puppy-love teenager any of them remembered him as.

"Good morning." He began and cleared his throat quietly before repeating the greeting a little louder. You could have heard a pin drop it was so quiet. The Capitol audience waited for him to continue. Instead of a pin though, all we heard was the whistle of the winter wind as it whipped through the city streets and the flap of the sheets covering the memorial as it moved them.

"I'm sure you're all already aware of a lot of what's been going on in my life since last year…" He said and I could see his cheek rise on the side of his face that was visible to me, so I knew he was smiling a little bit. "The photographers Katniss and I have had to chase off of our yard a few times in the past several months prove that."

There was a rumbling of quiet laughter through the crowd which told me that the Capitol citizens had, in fact, been keeping up with the continuing saga of the star-crossed lovers of the 74th Hunger Games. There were a number of entertainment news shows that they would have watched in that year following the war, grasping at any morsel of information about us in the same way any number of district residents would have grasped at a crumb of bread in those years leading up to the rebellion. I was certain that some of them thought they knew all there was to know about our lives since the rebellion.

Their reactions to the rest of Peeta's speech showed that those silly news shows hadn't even scratched the surface of the struggles we'd faced since returning to 12.

"I can joke about the attention paid to us now of course, but…uh…but that's because this is what Katniss and I would refer to as a 'good day'." I was immediately stunned by the realization that he was going to tell them about his episodes. The deep, dark secret known only to those close enough to us to understand what the red X means or the horrible things Peeta sees and hears in his mind when it hangs on a door I am not welcome to enter.

I sensed that Peeta knew I would be questioning his judgement to share this with the masses as his back stiffened slightly and he turned his head just enough to cut his eyes my way before he continued.

"Yesterday, when I wrote down everything I wanted to say to you all at this dedication, I was…by comparison, having a 'bad day'." He placed his hands on the podium and looked out over the crowd slowly. You could hear the confused murmurs of a crowd of people who still had no _real_ clue just what kind of emotional nightmare we had gone through, what each tribute who had ever been a part of the Hunger Games had gone through, from the moment our names were called at the reaping.

I watched as he reached into his pocket and pulled out that small wooden letter hanging on a piece of twine. Peeta held it in his palm for a few seconds just looking at it before he hung it gently on the neck of the microphone for everyone to see. Again, the quiet murmur of a confused crowd could be heard.

"A 'bad day' for me is one where the memories of the weeks of torture and brainwashing I endured after being taken from the Quarter Quell arena revisit me. I have nightmares where I remember in vivid detail the beatings, the near starvation, the hours and hours of questioning. Worst of all, I remember…." He stopped and looked down at the podium and I saw his hands grip the sides of it powerfully and almost stood to go to him but my mother kept a strong grip on my hand. When I looked over at her she just shook her head sadly.

"Let him finish, Katniss." She whispered and I swallowed the lump in my throat and turned back to watch him, trying to mentally send him the strength to continue.

"…I remember being strapped to a chair several times a day and having tracker jacker venom injected into me. They…they had some sort of ocular devices that forced and held my eyes open so that I didn't miss one millisecond of the videos they played trying to convince me that Katniss was some mutt they created to deceive and eventually kill everyone that I cared about."

He looked up at the crowd again and cleared his throat.

"The tracker jacker venom was terrible. It burned like fire in my body and did things to my brain I'd only ever thought could be done to an egg in one of our recipes at the bakery. But worse than the tracker jacker venom or the interrogations, or the beatings, was slowly beginning to accept and believe what they were saying about Katniss." His voice broke a little on my name and he turned his head to look at me with a sad smile which I returned and then mouthed to him that he could do it.

Peeta's smile widened just enough for me, but no one else, to notice and he turned back to the crowd once more. "What I didn't realize was that it wasn't Katniss who had become a mutt, it was me." He looked down again and I saw him take a deep breath before he went on. "By the time the rebels were able to put a rescue plan into action, the damage was already done…I was rescued along with Annie and Johanna, and taken to District 13 where Katniss was waiting for me, expecting to get back the boy she had…accidentally fallen in love with while _pretending _to love him during the Games to keep us both alive."

Peeta made no pretense about the nature of our relationship before the Games. The Capitol citizens already knew enough by that point in time that they were aware of the ruse we'd kept up, at least on my part, thanks to an expose on one of the same silly entertainment news channels I previously mentioned.

"What happened instead…was….was that when she found me in the hospital wing of 13, she ran to me, expecting a loving embrace…probably some kissing….okay, a _lot _of kissing." The crowd laughed softly at this and Peeta continued right over the sound of their laughter. "…but instead of reaching out to hold her, I…I grabbed her by her throat and tried to kill her."

Obviously no one in the Capitol had heard _that_ version of our reunion yet. There were gasps and screeches of horror from all around the stage.

"It's probably only thanks to the torture and malnutrition I experienced in the Capitol that I wasn't strong enough to crush her windpipe." I had to hand it to Peeta, he was certainly being candid with them.

I finally looked away from Peeta to see how everyone else was fairing as they listened to his speech. Haymitch looked as though he'd like to slip the flask from his coat pocket and down the entire thing in one gulp. Plutarch's attention was focused steadfastly on Peeta and I had a difficult time reading his face. Johanna's look was that of a force warrior as she watched Peeta and I could almost hear her thinking _'that's right, give it to them Blondie'._ Annie was holding her sleeping child close in her arms, rocking him back and forth as she listened to Peeta with a sadness so deep I had to look away from her after only a second or two.

"Through extensive therapy that I still continue with today, I have been able to repair some of the corridors of my mind with enough success that I'm able to share a life with Katniss today." He reached out to touch the dangling red X gently, making it swing back and forth on the microphone. "But I've been told that there is no way to completely reverse what was done to me during my capture." He let that hang in the air for a few long seconds before nodding to the X.

"I brought this letter with me today so that you could all see the object that acts as a daily reminder of that fact to Katniss and to me. Because on those 'bad days', days like yesterday, I hang this letter on the door of our bedroom and lock myself in there so that I can't hurt the girl I've loved my entire life." He looked around at the crowd and then over his shoulder at me. "It can be hours and sometimes days before I feel okay enough to leave the room without being worried I might try to harm Katniss. You can tell by the wear that it is a frequent and unwelcomed visitor in our home. More than any other horror I faced in the Games or during my capture, this is the most terrifying thing of all that the old regime left me with. I wake up every day beside Katniss silently wishing that it will be the last day we have to worry about 'bad days' and can live a more normal life." He laughed humorlessly at the thought. "Of course, that's just a dream because there are too many scars, physical and emotional for us…for _any_ of us…" he said looking at the other victors lined up beside me. "…to forget. As I'm sure you can see in the eyes of my fellow tributes up here on the stage…" He looked again to the line of faces behind him. "…there never really was such thing as a Hunger Games victor."

He turned back to the crowd once more. "And we shouldn't forget. Not one citizen alive today, whether they live here in the Capitol or one of the surrounding districts, should _ever_ forget the war, or the Games, or what brought our society to a place where any single one of us found it acceptable to treat another with anything less than the love and respect we all deserve as human beings." He glanced over his other shoulder at Haymitch and then back to the crowd.

"I'm not saying…that it will be easy or immediate…but if we can agree to the simple truth that _every_ life has meaning far beyond finding entertainment in its ending young, alone and away from loved ones, then I think we might be on the right track to healing some of the wounds inflicted on our society as a whole by the Hunger Games pageant. No, we shouldn't ever forget…but I for one have enough faith in my country to say that perhaps, with enough time, we can forgive each other the trespasses of our past with the hope of a promising future as citizens of one unified nation we can all be proud to call ourselves citizens of." When Peeta paused to let that sink in, a slow but steady clapping began from somewhere far back in the crowd that slowly rose to roaring applause.

Peeta looked to Plutarch who nodded in some previously agreed upon signal which Peeta returned before looking back out at the crowd. "This memorial," He said gesturing to the massive structure covered in sheets. "…presented to all of Panem today, will serve not only as a way to remember those we lost in 75 years of Hunger Games, but as the symbol of a promise we make here and now to help each other on that journey to becoming united as we once were."

As Peeta said that last sentence, the sheets were pulled away and a magnificent bronze monument stood before us all. As soon as I could see the full thing, the length of it I had been puzzled by when it was beneath the sheets immediately made sense as I looked at full-sized figures of all 24 of us tributes from the 75th Hunger Games standing in a line holding hands. It was like a perfectly captured snapshot in bronze of that moment on the stage the night of the tribute interviews. I was amazed that their existed any remaining footage of what, at the time, the Capitol had seen as a dangerous, revolution-inspiring image to be used to create such an extraordinary and detailed monument.

I didn't even realize I had moved from my seat or that I had wondered about the footage from the interview night aloud until Peeta took my hand where we were both standing beside the podium and provided me with the answer. "They did destroy all of the footage from that night that existed in film form." He said quietly and turned to look down into my eyes. "But they somehow forgot to erase it from here…" he said touching his forehead with the fingertips of the hand not holding mine and smiling softly.

I gasped and looked from Peeta to the line of statues, and back again. "It was you?" I asked looking back to the statues again. "You made that?" I asked in awe and Peeta chuckled. "No, no…my artistic talents are pretty much contained to paint and pastries, Sweetheart." He teased and turned so that we were both looking at the statues and wrapped an arm around my waist. "But if you remember, that image of us all on the stage made it to the monitors long enough for not only the whole country, but the 24 of us standing up there to see it for a few memorable moments." He explained with a self-satisfied grin. "Plutarch asked me to make a sketch of it and they used it as a guide to create the memorial."

No one stopped me when I moved across the stage towards the steps, holding Peeta's hand for support as we made our way to the spectacular sculpture that I was so proud to be able to say Peeta had helped create. "It's…it's unbelievable, Peeta." I said reaching out to touch the strong jaw of the statue of Peeta that was at the end of the line closest to us. I pulled my hand back with a start when I noticed, aside from it being cold to the touch and harder than his skin, the shape of the jaw felt exactly like touching the real thing.

Peeta chuckled at my reaction and nodded towards the space between our two statues' bronze feet. Placed there was a large plaque I hadn't noticed from farther away that had engraved on it the names of every single tribute who had been reaped from District 12 since the first Hunger Games. As I looked down the line of other statues, I saw similar plaques placed between each of the other pairs of tributes as well.

Between but in front of the tributes of Districts 6 and 7 was a large rock-shaped piece of bronze roughly the height of a six or seven-year-old chid. As Peeta and I moved closer to it, I heard Plutarch behind us on the stage asking that a microphone be given to me. When one had been passed from the stage through the crowd to where we stood in front of the bronze rock, it was placed in my hand and I turned to look up at Plutarch and see what he wanted me to do. While the initial reaction of the crowd to the sight of the memorial had been another murmur of gasps and hushed words, they had once again returned to a state of stunned silence.

"If you'll notice on the main plaque at the front of the monument, Katniss…in the circle that once held the emblem of the Capitol Eagle with arrows clutched in its talons, there now sits instead a mockingjay. _Your _mockingjay, holding an olive branch." I know I must have looked upset considering all of the trouble the image of my mockingjay pin had caused as an accidental call to arms to the citizens of the districts, but Plutarch just smiled and nodded to the plaque. "If you could read the words on the plaque for us please Katniss." He said and stepped back form the microphone at the podium.

I sighed but held tight to Peeta's hand as I turned to face the plaque and began to read the words into the microphone.

"This memorial, dedicated to the 1, 824 souls who competed in 75 years of the Hunger Games, stands as a reminder to us all that we are one nation. Not Capitol and District, or coal miners, field hands, fisherman and other trades, but one nation dedicated to the idea of equal rights and opportunities for every citizen. With the promise of a brighter future it is not only proper, but essential that we adopt a new national seal that illustrates both our commitment to rectifying the mistakes of our past, and to the promise of our future. There is no greater symbol of hope for a country striving to be better than where it came from, than a bird which evolved from the offspring of the jabberjays used by the Capitol as a tool to spy on rebels in the first revolution, and the wild and free mockingbird whose song is recognizable to anyone in Panem. Just like the District 12 tribute who wore it as a token in her Games, the mockingjay was never meant to be created but adapted and survived all the same. The strength and power of the eagle with its tools of war clutched close at hand must give way to the resourceful, intelligent and spirited mockingjay carrying the olive branch of peace to every citizen."

When I finished reading the plaque, I felt an immense sense of relief as I realized that the mockingjay had become something so much greater than a scared and confused girl with a handful of berries.

Looking at Peeta, I knew that he saw my relief too and he pulled me closer into his side with a smile and kissed the side of my head. "I told you Katniss…you have no idea, the effect you have on people." He whispered and nodded to the crowd standing motionless watching us.

I turned in his arms so that we were facing each other, the crowd to our side, and rested my hands on his hips as a large smile spread across my face. "No, I _didn't_…" I admitted as I leaned in close to his face. "…but I'm definitely starting to get it." I whispered just before my lips crashed up into his and Peeta pulled me closer in his arms. I looped my arms around Peeta's neck and as we began to kiss more deeply, the crowd nearly burst with joy as they began screaming, clapping and cheering like nothing I had ever heard before.

We finally pulled apart when, just like after we first saw each other following our victory in the 74th Games, Haymitch placed a hand on Peeta's shoulder and playfully told us to give it a rest.

We turned with tear-filled eyes to both embrace him next and Haymitch returned our affection in a way he never had before. He cupped the backs of our heads in each of his large hands before releasing us to the other remaining victors' embraces and then to my mother and those in the government we had personally fought alongside in the war.

As the victors, we were the first to walk along and view the memorial up close. There were frequent stops to read the names on the plaques or comment on the likeness of a statue to the real person. By the time we reached the District 1 statues, I could see the same emotional exhaustion I felt in the eyes of my companions.

Plutarch approached the small group of us gathered by the edge of the crowd that was now lined up by the thousands to be the first to view the memorial up close. We were all surprised to see President Paylor walking alongside him and halted our conversations and turned our full attention to them when they reached us.

"Those were powerful words you both said back there Katniss and Peeta." She said simply and it was Johanna who responded for us.

"Sure were, I just hope the government plans to back them up with real results before little Odair here is a parent himself." She said holding Paylor's gaze steadily.

The president gazed back just as coolly before her face softened into a smile and she clasped her hands behind her back. "I trust you'll have no problem letting us know if we're not moving fast enough for your liking, Miss Mason." Against her better nature, Johanna smiled back and gave a curt nod.

"Well then, I can tell you've all spent a sufficient amount of time in the public eye for today so I'll be happy to have your drivers notified and instructed to take you anywhere you would like for the rest of the day."

We all looked at each other and then to the president. Peeta spoke for us all, sharing the sentiment he could see in the eyes of each person in our little group. "I think we'd all just like to go back to our assigned quarters if that's alright." He said as I leaned into his side to block the chill of the air.

There were murmurs of agreement and Paylor nodded. "Yes, of course. Go back and enjoy the rest of your day. I'll see you tomorrow afternoon for the live interviews." She said turning to move on to greet the crowd. "I look forward to having you share whatever you feel comfortable, with the people of your country. Thank you all for being here this week. You don't know what it means to the people of Panem." She said taking the time to look each of us in the eye and shook our hands before she moved on.

Just as we were all turning away from her, the President turned and called to Peeta. "You forgot this." She said holding her closed hand out to him. Peeta frowned, confused and walked the few steps forward to reach out to her. We all watched as she placed the red X in Peeta's open palm and gently pushed his fingers closed over top of it.

She kept her hand on top of his closed fist for a moment as they both just looked at each other.

"Thank you." Peeta said finally and Paylor nodded once before continuing on her way. I turned to my mother as Peeta stepped back over to us and wrapped his arm around my shoulders, rubbing my arm brusquely to warm me up.

"Are you staying for the rest of the week, Mom?" I asked hopefully and she regarded Peeta and I carefully before responding.

"I…wasn't planning on staying…I was heading back to District 4 tonight on the train…" I tried to hide my disappointment as I nodded silently. Peeta nudged my foot with the side of one of his and when I looked up into his face he wagged his eyebrows toward my mom.

"What?" I whispered harshly and Peeta rolled his eyes and turned his attention to my mother.

"Mrs. Everdeen…" he said with that easy smile. "We'd…Katniss and I that is…we would love it if you stayed with us at least for the night…. There are more bedrooms than we can count in the house we've been staying in and I'm sure it would be nice for you and Katniss to spend some time catching up…" he said and kicked me again lightly.

I felt like a complete idiot for not suggesting this first so I tried to make up for it by nodding enthusiastically. "Could you? That would be great, Mom." I asked as our limosine pulled up on the street in front of the stage.

She looked between Peeta and I and a slow but delighted smile blossomed on her face. "I would like that very, _very _much." She said quietly and we all stood smiling at each other like idiots…until Haymitch killed the moment as only he ever could (or still can for that matter).

"Terrific! Everyone's happy now, let's get in the damned car and get the hell out of here." He said pushing past the three of us and topping it off with a loud belch as he opened the door for Effie, Johanna and Annie to climb in first.

I had almost forgotten that my mom not only lived in the same district as Annie, but also that she had assisted in the delivery of baby Zale. I mentally cursed myself with a string of profanity that would have made Haymitch blush if he heard it, before climbing in after them and sitting between my mom and Annie on the bench seat.

"How's this sweet little boy doing?" My mom asked and Annie placed Zale in my arms so that she could see him better. She clucked a finger under his chubby chin and the baby cooed and smiled at her brightly.

"He's doing well." Annie said proudly as she watched me settle the baby into the crook of my arm easily. "Eats like he's starving all day long and sleeps like a log through most of the night." She explained and my mother nodded approvingly.

"Well that's good then. He's growing up big and strong." She said moving her hand to stroke back the coppery hair on top of his head. I watched her looking him over with the trained eye of a healer and could tell the exact moment when she mentally gave him a clean bill of health. It made me smile to see a spark of her old self and I offered the baby to her.

"Are you sure you want me to take him?" Mom asked as a playful smile teased at one corner of her mouth. "You look quite comfortable with a baby in your arms, Katniss." She said with a decided nod.

I could feel my cheeks flush immediately and my eyes shifted around the inside of the limo, daring any of the people in the car to make mention of similar conversations I'd had with most of them, some in just the last few days.

"Yeah sure, you take him." I mumbled and passed the baby to her quickly. I couldn't help rolling my eyes at the grin Peeta was flashing me from where he sat across the car next to Haymitch and Effie.

When we arrived back at the house, I asked Avitus to have some clothing brought to the home for my mother wear for the next few days but she insisted she was only going to stay the night. They needed her back in the hospital since there was still a shortage of competent doctors with enough years of training under their belts in most of the districts at the time.

Effie told her that she'd give her some pajamas for the night at least and asked Avitus to take my mother to her room to pick something out before he showed her where her own room for the night would be.

"lunch is served in the dining room, I'll send your mother down to eat once she's settled in." Avitus announced and we all hung up our outerwear in the foyer before heading to the dining room. Johanna piled up a plate to take to her room, making up an excuse about still being a little hung over from the night before. I knew it was really just that her nerves were as strung out from the dedication ceremony as the rest of ours were. Annie made a plate to go as well, saying that she wanted to feed the baby and put him down for his nap and she'd see us for dinner.

That left Effie, Haymitch, Peeta and myself at the dining table. We made small talk and Effie gushed over Peeta's speech to the point it was becoming embarrassing. Haymitch eventually wandered off for his afternoon drink-and-pass-out appointment with a bottle of liquor. By the time my mother came down to eat, Peeta and I were the only ones left and we were cuddled up on the fancy couch in the living room watching a group of cardinals at the bird feeder outside the window.

"Avitus said the room I'm in is right next to yours, I…hope that's alright." My mother said suddenly from the doorway and Peeta and I sat up like young kids caught making out when we were supposed to be studying, when in fact we'd just been cuddling and looking out the window.

"Oh…yeah, that's fine I guess." I shrugged and stood to join her at the table. Peeta exscused himself, saying that he was going to go take a nap since the adrenaline of the speech had begun to wear off.

"Sure, just call down here if you need anything, alright?" I said quietly and Peeta nodded and kissed my cheek before he headed upstairs. My mom looked around at the places at the table where people had obviously been sitting not long ago.

"Everyone's pretty drained from the memorial." I explained and took my seat as Mom made a plate for herself and took the chair across from me.

"That's understandable. How are you feeling after all that?" She asked lifting a sandwich half to her lips. I chuckled and shook my head, smiling at her to temper my next words.

"I'm fine, Mom. If I feel like I'm not at any point today or the rest of the week, I'll make sure to call my doctor." I said trying not to sound annoyed. "I've been doing that a little more regularly since we last talked on the phone." I shared and she looked genuinely pleased to hear that.

"You really are growing up quite well, Katniss." She said sipping a glass of water and then cleared her throat. "I'm just sorry I haven't…been around for you to ask any questions you might have had about…well, since you've started a relationship with Peeta." She said quietly and a few of those curses from earlier flitted through my mind again as I realized she was asking me in a sort of roundabout way if I had any questions for her about my sexual relationship with Peeta.

I sipped my own glass of water, gulping down about half of it before I set it back on the table with a shrug. "It's alright, you've been busy in 4 setting up the hospital." I shrugged again and bit into a piece of my own sandwich. "Anyway, Peeta and I are good and we've…figured things out okay on our own." I said quickly and stuffed the remainder of the sandwich in my mouth.

When I looked up, my mom was regarding me carefully and I shifted my eyes from left to right avoiding her gaze. "So you two are…" she waved a hand in front of her, looking for the word that would be least likely to embarrass me since she obviously had no problem with this conversation. "…intimate." Since she phrased it more like a statement than a question I just wagged my eyebrows once and went back to eating.

"Katniss…" she said sternly and I slowly raised my gaze to her face as I shoved another half of sandwich in my mouth. "If you see yourself as mature enough to live with your boyfriend, than you're certainly mature enough to answer a few questions from your mother."

I set the sandwich half I was trying to stuff into my mouth in its entirety back down on my plate and folded my hands on the table in front of me. "Alright, alright…fine." I grumbled and shrugged my shoulders. "What…exactly do you want to ask me?" I asked nervously and my mom rolled her eyes.

"Of for goodness sakes, Katniss, I just want to know if you're using protection and if you had any questions for me." She blurted out and I widened my eyes briefly and cleared my throat.

"Oh, well…ok. Umm…no, no questions and yes, I get that shot every few months to prevent pregnancy. Before I was on that, Peeta…or I should say Haymitch by _way_ of Peeta, provided the protection." I said and rolled my eyes. My mom chuckled and nodded in response to my discomfort.

"I'm glad he's around for the two of you. You might be surprised to hear that he was a very nice young man up until he went into the Games. Very handsome too." She said speaking about Haymitch who I constantly forgot she had sort of grown up with. I made a retching sound and she shot me a disapproving look.

"What was that I was just saying about you being mature?" she asked and I couldn't stop a laugh of my own.

"Sorry, I'll stop. But you're right." I said picking at the fruit on my plate. "It's nice having Haymitch around even if he is only conscious roughly forty percent of the time." I joked and my mother laughed softly.

"Seriously though, you…you don't have any question you want to ask? I know I gave you a general idea when you reached puberty because what they were telling you children at school was complete nonsense, but it's different when you're actually putting that information into practice." She said and I groaned but kept myself from making a face.

"No, Mom, no questions…all good here…I mean, we've been… 'intimate' for almost a year now, I think I've got the hang of how things work." I smirked and she raised her hands defensively but nodded.

"Okay, okay, I just had to ask. I feel bad that I'm so far away and I've been worried that you might have had questions and I wasn't there to answer them for you like I should have been." I suddenly felt really guilty for being so…well, childish about this when my mother had been genuinely concerned about this probably since she knew Peeta and I were living together.

"Okay, well, in the future if I have any questions you'll be at the top of my list of people to call." I said giving her an exaggerated two thumbs up.

"Good. I'm glad to hear that." She said with a soft smile. "Peeta's got Haymitch right next door to bring any questions to, you should feel you have someone to go to as well and I just wanted to make sure you knew that I'd appreciate it if that person for you was…me." She said with a little shrug and I realized my mother had actually been nervous to bring this up with me. Something about the vulnerability I saw in her face at that moment reminded me of how she'd looked during that year after my father died and before I could overthink it, I was out of my seat and walking around the table where I dropped down on my knees beside her chair and wrapped my arms around her waist.

She stiffened at first, probably stunned at such a display of affection coming from me and then she relaxed and placed a hand on top of my head, stroking my hair back lovingly.

"I love you, Katniss. I want to be available to you anytime you need me even if we do live far apart. You are my only daughter now." She said, whispering the last part as I heard her voice catch and then the telltale sniffle of tears flowing freely.

"I love you too, Mom." I said tightening my arms around her waist as she continued to pet my hair for a little longer. After a few minutes I stood and went back to my chair and the rest of our lunchtime conversation flowed easily and without any of the awkwardness I expected when it first looked like we were going to be left alone for the meal.

Afterwards we headed upstairs and I walked my mom to her door. "I think I'm going to lie down myself for a little while. I was on the train so early this morning to make the trip down here."

I nodded and looked over at the door to mine and Peeta's room. "Yeah, me too. I was up late with the girls last night and I still have a little bit of a headache from the wine that wasn't exactly helped by the stress from the memorial thing today." I said with a grimace and my mom laughed as she opened her door.

"I don't imagine it was." She said stepping into her room and turning around to face me. "You did wonderful at the memorial today, Katniss." She said proudly. "Peeta too. I couldn't have hoped for you to find a better man than him." She said glancing at our door as well.

"He is pretty perfect." I whispered and then widened my eyes. "Please don't ever tell him I said that though." I chuckled and Mom stepped into the hall and hugged me quickly.

"Your secret is safe with me." She whispered back and pulled back to look in my face. "Though I doubt it'd be a surprise for him to hear that you feel that way." She said and smiled when I looked at her confused. "You're in love with the boy, Katniss. Anyone can see it plain as day watching the two of you together." She said and I flushed again but smiled brightly.

"Have a good rest, Mom. I'll see you for dinner?" I asked and she promised to be the first one to the dining room before wishing me a good rest and closing the door.

I headed next door to mine and Peeta's room and slipped in quietly. Peeta was sleeping soundly, stretched out on top of the bed and taking over most of both sides. I gently removed his right shoe and carefully unlatched his prosthetic before kicking my own shoes off and climbing onto the bed beside him.

"Katniss…" he whispered in his sleep and reached a hand out, patting the mattress as he searched for me. I smiled and leaned over to kiss his forehead lightly and slid over into his arms.

"I'm right here, Peeta." I whispered back and slid one hand up the front of his shirt to rest over his heart on his bare chest. I left it there even as I fell asleep a few minutes later.

When we woke again, it was already past dark and we both changed into more comfortable clothes and headed down to dinner. I sat between Peeta and my mother this time and we all laughed and told stories and passed the baby around the table like a real family.

Later on when we were all stuffed from our meal and lounging on the large sectional sofa in the living room by the fire, I saw my mother watching Peeta. He was stretched out on one end of the sofa with his legs tented and the baby propped against his thighs. He was making all sorts of embarrassing, silly baby noises at him much to Johanna and Annie's entertainment.

"You realize you sound like an idiot, right?" Haymitch asked shaking his head at Peeta. It was difficult to tell if Annie and Johanna were laughing more at the sounds Peeta was making or the looks of disgust Haymitch kept throwing his way. Effie thought everything he was doing was adorable which, in turn, only served to back up Haymitch's position that he sounded like an idiot.

I glanced over at my mother as I was laughing at a particularly funny noise Peeta was making to make the baby laugh when she glanced between Peeta and I a few times pointedly.

"Not you too." I said quietly and rolled my eyes as I flopped back against the couch beside her.

"Oh don't worry dear, I'm still pretty young myself you know. I'm in no hurry for grandchildren if that's what you're concerned about." She said reaching over to pat my hands that were resting in my lap. "He is wonderful with Zale though." She admitted with a chuckle.

"No argument here." I said with a chuckle and watched the baby going cross-eyed to try and see Peeta's finger as he moved it back and forth from the baby's nose to his own a few times.

"Well, if you ever decide that it is the right time to have children, at least you know he'll make a wonderful father." She whispered and I nodded slightly but didn't say anything more. We spent a few hours in the living room, heading off to bed one at a time until only my mom, Peeta, Haymitch and I remained, though Haymitch only counted as a half a person since he was passed out.

"Well, I'm gonna get him to his room. You ladies going to stay down here for a little?" Peeta asked moving over to the end of the couch Haymitch was sleeping on and pulling both of the older man's legs off of the couch first and then pulling him by the collar of his shirt into a sitting position.

"Just for a little, I'll be up soon." I said in a way that I'm sure left no doubt in my mother's mind as to how comfortable we were in our nighttime routine.

"Goodnight, Peeta." She said standing and giving him a one armed hug as he stood with Haymitch propped up against him. Peeta made that surprised face again but returned her hug easily.

"Goodnight, Mrs. Everdeen." He whispered and smiled shyly when she pecked a kiss on his forehead before he headed out the door pulling Haymitch along with him.

I watched Peeta and Haymitch go before sliding down to lay on the couch with my head in my mother's lap. She chuckled softly and removed the tie from my braid, running her fingers through the full length of my hair a few times to separate the strands.

"We haven't sat like this since you were a little girl." She whispered and I nodded. "You would always say to me, 'Mommy scratch my head! I can't fall asleep unless you scratch my head!'." We both laughed at that and then fell into a silence so long that she probably thought I had fallen asleep.

"I miss Prim." I said so softly that I wondered at first if she'd heard me at all. When her fingers stilled on my scalp for a second or two, I knew that she had.

"Me too, baby. Me too." She whispered back and leaned down to kiss my head. I sighed and she sighed before Mom continued to scratch her fingers through my hair like she was doing before I spoke and we watched the fire until it was almost burned out.

Apparently that was all that needed to be said on the subject for the time being and that seemed fine with the two of us. It was a big step after all.

Neither one of us had spoken her name to the other since that first tearful phone call when I'd first returned to District 12.

When we headed up to bed a while later, my mother stopped at my door with me to say good night.

"Think Peeta's still waiting up for you?" She asked with a grin and I blushed and shrugged my shoulders. I realized it was going to take some time before I was okay having _this _sort of talk with my mother.

"He was pretty tired from the memorial today, he's probably already asleep." I said folding my arms over my chest.

"Katniss? Is that you?" My mom smiled and I rolled my eyes as Peeta's voice drifted through the door.

"…or not." I whispered and my mom leaned in to kiss me on the cheek as I put my hand on the door knob.

"Good night Katniss." She whispered and headed for her own door.

"Good night Mom." I whispered back before pushing the door open and heading into my room.

I was surprised to find one of the bedside lamps on dimly and Peeta sitting up on his side of the bed looking around confused. I tried to remain calm but still walked quickly over to him and sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Hey, hey…you alright?" I asked brushing his hair back from his sweaty forehead. It suddenly made sense; he'd been having a nightmare. "Oh, Peeta…I'm sorry I wasn't here." I said tugging him forward into my arms and stroking my fingers through the chilled sweaty hair on the back of his head.

"It's okay…I was more upset when I woke up a few minutes ago, but I realized where you were after a minute or two and was okay." He murmured into my neck and brought his arms up to hold me close.

"Well, I'm sorry anyway." I said with a sigh and continued to stroke his hair.

"You and your mom have a nice time today?" He asked moving to lay back down but reaching out to hold one of my hands against his chest to keep contact with me. I decided it must have been a pretty awful nightmare.

"Yeah, we did. Thank you for inviting her to stay. That was a really nice gesture." I said leaning over to kiss him gently. "Especially since I'm such a bone head that it didn't even occur to me until you said something." I groaned and then smirked at him. "As if my mother needed _another_ reason to love you." I teased and rolled my eyes playfully.

Peeta grinned and then his smile slowly faded. "She really _does_ love me doesn't she?" he asked in awe and my heart nearly broke as I remembered an 11-year-old boy whose mother slapped him across the face for burning a loaf of bread.

"She sure does." I smiled and laid a palm flat on his cheek. The smile bloomed on his face once more and he tugged me back to the bed when I stood and said I was going to go change.

"No, don't." he whispered in a way that after almost a year together, told me exactly why he didn't want me to go change.

"Peeta, my mother is _right_ through that wall." I whispered with a whine and he glanced toward the wall and back to me with that lost puppy look that got me every single time.

"But I had a nightmare." He said sitting up and tugging me forward where I stood beside the bed so that he could wrap his arms around me. "I need you." He murmured into my stomach and I groaned. He always knew exactly the right words to say to get me to do what he wanted.

Obviously Peeta took my groan for the noise of surrender it was and he pulled back a little to tug my shirt over my head. "Thank you." He whispered and worked down the button and zipper on my jeans before pushing them and my underwear straight to the floor. He didn't even bother with my bra for the moment, just placed my hands on his shoulders and lifted me by the backs of my thighs onto the bed straddling his hips.

I gasped and settled down onto his lap as we began kissing and moaned when I felt his hardness through the covers beneath me. "Peeta…" I sighed as he moved desperate kisses to my neck. It must have been a _very_ bad nightmare. He started to slide down under the covers to lay on his back but I pushed him farther back against the pillows he had propped up against the headboard and started to rock my hips against his erection.

"Let me take care of you." I whispered and kissed my way down his chest to his abdomen and smiled slightly when he began to moan softly once he realized what I was going to do.

I moved the covers down past his hips, taking the top edge of his boxers with them just far enough to let his erection spring free of his shorts. I leaned up and kissed him deeply once more before bringing my mouth down on him and taking him in my mouth inch by inch.

"Kat.." He gasped and gripped his hands in my hair tightly which told me I was doing exactly what he needed me to. I kept my teeth sheathed as I moved my head back and forth, something it had only taken _one time_ that this act went badly for us to realize involving teeth in any way when I was doing it sent Peeta's erection running for the hills.

"Shit!" Peeta hissed and tried to keep his voice down as his hips bucked up off of the bed. I smiled around him and pulled back, dropping a quick kiss on the head before kissing my way back up to his lips because I knew he was close to finishing.

"Love you." I whispered and invaded his mouth with my tongue. Peeta moaned into my mouth and slid down under the covers again, hissing when the heavy winter blankets rubbed against his straining hard on. I chuckled and joined him under the blankets, turning onto my side away from him and glancing over my shoulder at him coyly.

"Love you too." Peeta said when he had spooned up behind me and started kissing me over my shoulder. I pushed my backside into his front, grinding myself against him and drawing all of my favorite noises out of him. He pushed the knee of his good leg between my thighs from behind to separated them and slid one hand under my side against the mattress so that he could place it on my abdomen and pulling me back against him more tightly. With his other hand, he reached over my hip and down between my legs to start warming me up.

"Mmmph…Peeta…please…" I moaned as quietly as I could and he rubbed me a few more times before sliding his hand up to massage my breasts through the cups of the bra I was still wearing.

He nodded against my shoulder and angled his hips so that I felt his tip poking at my center from behind. I threw my leg back and over his hip to open myself up to him better and he plunged all the way in fast and hard.

It must have been a _very, very_ bad nightmare.

Neither of us could hold back the matching cries of pleasure that forced their way out of our mouthes when we joined and I turned my head to kiss him over my shoulder again as he began to move fast and furiously.

"Kat…Kat…" he grunted my name with each thrust, grinding his teeth to keep from yelling it. I reached behind me to hold the back of his neck and we abandoned trying to kiss as it was impossible at the pace we were moving. I pushed back against him as his thrusts began to slow slightly but continued to go deeper each time and I knew he was close.

"Go on, it's okay." I whispered knowing there was very little chance I was going to be able to finish knowing my mother was in the room next door and Peeta nodded, snapped his hips into mine two more times and then turned his head into the pillows with a muffled cry as he came.

We both lay there, still joined for almost five minutes as we caught our breath. I moaned softly as Peeta pulled back from my still highly sensitive folds and turned over in his arms to snuggle. "Sure you don't want me to…help?" He asked kissing the top of my head.

I shook my head against his throat. "No, I'm alright, promise. There's seriously no way I'm going to be able to finish with my mom next door." I groaned. "It's bad enough that I'm sure she probably heard at least _some_ of what we just did." I whispered and Peeta pulled back and grinned down at me wickedly.

"I could _make _you finish." He whispered and I glared at him with what I hoped was just the right amount of I-will-kill-you-and-dump-the-body-where-no-one-wil l-ever-find-it in my eyes.

"Okay, point taken. No joking about sex with your mom in the house." He said raising his hands to show me he had no intention of making good on his threat. I nodded and snuggled back into his arms.

"Could you at least take your bra off?" he whispered and reached over to turn the bedside light off.

I chuckled and reached behind me to pop the clasp. "Could _you_ at least either pull your shorts off all the way or pull them up so you don't look so silly?" I said peeking under the covers and Peeta grinned and reached down to pull his shorts off, leaving them under the covers before he pulled me into his arms and we settled down to sleep.

"You'll wake me and let me know if you need to get up for anything the rest of the night?" He asked quietly and I felt a pang of sadness in my chest that reminded me just how broken my boy with the bread was.

"Of course." I whispered looking up into his face in the darkness.

"Good night Katniss. And…thanks." He murmured and hugged me a little tighter. I nodded against his collar bone and kissed the spot in the middle of his chest where that interesting little patch of hair had started to grow.

"You're welcome Peeta. Night." I whispered back and rested my head over his heart and listened to it's steady beat as I fell asleep.


	23. Interlude 4

a/n: Hope you enjoy! This is the longest interlude yet! Thanks for the kind reviews!

Interlude 4

"Bow! Finnick! come in and wash your hands for lunch!"

I can't see the kids but I know they haven't left Haymitch's fenced in yard and I smile when they come running around the corner of the house from the front giggling.

"What's so funny little bugs?" I ask and scoop Finn up onto my hip as they both reach the top step of Haymitch's back porch.

"Nuthin'." Bow says with a giggle and when she looks at Finn as I pull open the screen door, they both start laughing again and I chuckle. I put Finn on the kitchen counter on his knees beside the sink so he can wash his hands. Bow climbs up onto the little step ladder Haymitch keeps there for her, turns the water on and squeezes some soap into first Finn's hands and then her own.

"Oh I see..." I say in a whisper and play along. "It's one of those brother -sister secrets right?" I ask as they giggle and splash each other with the sink water while they scrub their hands.

"Uh huh." Bow chuckles again and screeches when one of Finn's splashes goes straight down the front of her sundress.

"Hey! how about we don't turn my kitchen into a small lake just yet." Haymitch grumbles as he shuffles into the room and drops into his chair at the table. "It is only noon afterall." he smirks and tries his hardest to look stern.

Bow hops down off of the step stool and skips over to climb up on Haymitch's lap. I have to turn my head to hide my smile from him. It never gets old to me or to Peeta when our children shower Haymitch with affection, making him work extra hard to pretend it bothers him.

"A small lake is called a pond Paw-Paw, we learned that in my kindergarten." she informs him and Haymitch scoffs and scowls down at her. Bow blinks up at him with big blue eyes and lashes so long that Hayymitch teases her they could cause a tidal wave across the ocean.

"Now, do you think an old man like me doesn't know something you learned over there at...at your little kiddie school between finger painting and counting to 10?" he asks grouchily and Bow shrugs and grabs a handful of grapes from the fruit bowl in front of her on the table and pops one in her mouth.

"Then why'd you say lake? " she asks and then folds her arms over her chest stubbornly.

"And I can count to 100, not 10." I try to catch Haymitch's eye as I place Finn in the highchair we keep over here but as it is, he's too busy arguing with my five-and-a-half year old.

"Prove it." Haymitch challenges and I put an end to their game before Bow can get to 4.

"Okay," I say interrupting her with a big fake smile and point first to Bow then Haymitch as I say. "Little child, grown man." and Haymitch growls and mumbles that Bow started it.

She smiles up at him proudly and Haymitch makes a shooing motion with his hands.

"Alright, alright...get off of my lap and go sit in your own chair so I can eat my lunch in peace." He says and Bow makes sure to kiss him sweetly on the cheek before going to her seat.

I hide a smile again and make a mental note to tell Peeta about the battle of wits Haymitch has just engaged in with our daughter. It will be something light for us to talk about once the dark cloud of the episode he is having passes.

"Nest to Paw-Paw Mommy!" Finn whines and I turn to see Haymitch already leaning out of his chair and dragging Finn and his highchair over to the spot beside him at the table. I pretend I don't see him pet Finn's mop of curly blonde hair before he sits back down in his own chair, but I do notice and laugh when Finn holds out a baby carrot to Haymitch and he leans in to let Finn push it between his lips.

"Thank you little man." Haymitch says with a smile and sneaks Finn a potato chip from his own plate. It is in moments like this that I am both happy we have Haymitch and sad that the trauma of his Games and mentoring prevented him from having a family of his own flesh and blood. Peeta tells me I'm being silly and that Haymitch loves us and our kids just as much as he would love children and grandchildren of his own.

My mother, who has moved back to our area of the country to be closer to us and has retired from practicing medicine, (though she now does a great deal of research in herbal alternatives to the medicines made in the factories built in 12 following the war) , is of the same opinion as Peeta. She also claims that her opinion matters most of all because she, as the other grandparent in their lives, can recognize the look of over the moon, up to your nostrils, bursting with pride love that she has for my children and she sees it plain as day in Haymitch's eyes when he is with them.

It is while daydreaming about the time she said this to me that I catch Haymitch slipping Finn another potato chip.

"No more until he eats his sandwich Paw-Paw." I scold and pretend to swat Haymitch's hand to punish him which makes Bow and Finnick giggle. Haymitch grins at the kids and makes a face at me which makes them laugh even harder.

I take the seat beside Bow and start eating my own sandwich until I notice she hasn't touched her own. "What's the matter, baby? Did you want something else for lunch?" I ask reaching over to stroke her hair back from her face.

Bow looks around the table at each of us before looking out the window at our house.

"Can I take lunch over to Daddy before my nap?" she asks so softly that I almost don't hear her.

I cut my eyes immediately to Haymitch who shrugs. We have never had reason to believe that Peeta posed any kind of physical threat to the children when he was having an episode but it was the emotional trauma of seeing their father like that we find to be more concerning.

"Paw-Paw can call Daddy on the phone after we're finished and see if that's ok with him, alright?" I ask with a reassuring smile and Bow nods and picks up half of her sandwch to eat.

Since Peeta has been brought up once more, Finn takes the opportunity to ask where he is again and I remind him that his daddy doesn't feel well and we will see him soon. I don't scold Haymitch this time when he leans over and drops another potato chip on Finn's highchair tray.

After lunch I take Finn to one of Haymitch's extra bedrooms, draw the room darkening curtains and lie down on the bed with him. It only took two "Mama looks" to get him to try using the toilet before I put a dry diaper on him for his nap.

"No sleep." Finn whimpers as I roll him over to his belly and start patting his bottom rhythmically. I pout my bottom lip out at him in the same way he is doing to me and he rubs his face against the mattress and gives a token cry of protest before scooting over into my arms and snuggling close to me.

Even 2 and a half years after his birth, I still feel a pull in my uterus when my baby boy clings to me. Bringing these two children into the world was both the scariest and greatest thing I have ever done in my life. I mistakenly thought, for more years than I care to count, that my heart had just enough room for the immense love I felt for Peeta. It wasn't until I first held my little girl in my arms and looked down into her eyes that I felt that once small space inside me burst and run over with the love I felt for my Bow. I was even more surprised when it grew again

"Yes sleep…go night, night sweet boy." I whisper and move my hand from his diapered bottom to his soft, curly blonde head. It's still amazing to me how much Finn's hair is like I remember Peeta's being when he was a boy.

Finn grunts and reaches up to play with the end of my braid with one hand as the other finds its way to his mouth and he pops his thumb between his lips. I smile knowing that he has just lost his final defense against sleep. When Finn started sucking his thumb at 3 months to soothe himself to sleep, Peeta grudgingly admitted that he sucked his thumb in his sleep until he was almost in middle school.

I chose to keep it to myself that quite a few times over the past 20 years, I had woken up in the middle of the night to find Peeta with his thumb in his mouth. Being almost certain as I was that it had something to do with his nightmares, I never said anything to him about it and likely never will.

I continue to stroke Finn's head and then his back as I listen to his breaths even out and become deeper with sleep. When I finally am able to extricate myself from his little arms, I place a pillow on either side of him and press a kiss to one of his little shoulders.

"Sleep well baby." I whisper and slip out the door, pulling it shut gently behind me.

I let out a breath I didn't realize I've been holding since I carried Finn to bed and realize I've been hoping that he wouldn't bring Peeta up again. It gave me a sharp pang of sadness straight to my heart to think that I'd been hoping my child wouldn't mention his father.

"Katniss." I turn my head to see that I've been standing in the hall just outside the bedroom I put Finn down in for…who knows how long, and find Haymitch standing at the top of the steps.

"Did you talk to him?" I ask quietly as I head down the hall to Haymitch and he leans back against the railing, regarding me closely.

"I did." He says and glances down the stairs where I hear Bow clanking around in the kitchen. "He's willing to give it a try." He says with a shrug. "I told him she just wants to bring him some lunch, he should eat something at any rate." Haymitch mumbles and smiles softly with a look I might just have figured out is the one my mother was talking about. "She's down there packing half my refrigerator into a potato sack because she can't decide what he might want to eat."

We both chuckle softly and Haymitch nods his head at the door Finn is sleeping behind. "He down for the count?" He asks and I smile and nod. "Why don't you go in and lay down with him? Try and get some rest yourself?" Haymitch offers. When I look at the stairs nervously he scoffs.

"Hey, I know _she_ constantly questions my skills and general knowledge base, but I'd think _you_ could give me the benefit of the doubt after 20 years." He smirks and I roll my eyes.

Haymitch is right of course. I trust him implicitly with my oldest child's care while I lie down for what would, admittedly, be a much needed rest after the morning we've had so far. "Okay. Thanks…Paw-paw." I say with a coy little smile as I move back to the bedroom door and push it open gently. Haymitch smiles and waits until I close the door behind me, before heading back downstairs to help Bow.

"Mommy…" Finn is sitting up in the middle of the bed rubbing his eyes as I make my way back across the room to him. I can tell he's not actually awake, only startled by the opening of the door again so soon after he's fallen asleep.

"Sh, sh, shhhh…it's alright baby, Mama's here." I whisper and crawl back onto the bed with him and lay back against the pillows. Before he can become any more conscious, I scoop Finn up into my arms and settle him into my side. "Shh..shh..shh…" I whisper, yawning through the last soothing sound as I slip into sleep myself.

Peeta

After so many years of having these episodes like I do, I have found a few tricks here and there to help me get through them. Sometimes I paint if my supplies are handy, or, if like today, Katniss has taken the kids out of the house and I have a little more mobility around the upstairs.

Sometimes I listen to my favorite music for hours and hours hoping that it will either soothe the bad thoughts away or at least quiet them enough to let me sleep. Eating is hit or miss depending on the severity of the episode but Haymitch always manages to force me to eat something and with the bathroom attached to the bedroom, I always have access to water from the sink.

Today's coping method has been to try soaking in the tub with my favorite music on. I have it on loud as I lay back in the water, my arms propped on the sides of the tub, that I don't hear the phone ring. I know that has rung though because the light on the intercom panel in the bathroom starts blinking blue which means a phone call.

I sigh and reach for a towel, a little annoyed to have been interrupted. I was running through the rotating list of good memories I have shared with Katniss which is another of my tricks. I was particularly enjoying a memory made only a few weeks ago in this very tub after the kids had gone down for the night.

We were celebrating Finn staying dry in underwear from lunch to bath time with a bottle of wine and a soak together in the tub. I said that I couldn't believe he had done so well after only one afternoon attempting to toilet train him when Katniss tossed one of Finn's tub toys across the water at me insisting that I had just completely jinxed all of the good luck we had that day.

I grabbed one of her feet that were propped beside my knees under the water and dragged her over into my arms playfully asking if there was any way to reverse the jinx that she could think of. We spent the next 45 minutes trying out a few of her more...acrobatic suggestions when our bathroom door swung open no less than 5 seconds after her legs dropped from where they had been wrapped around my head. I thought we had been pretty quiet all things considered.

Finn stood in the door way in nothing but the top to the pajamas I had put him in less than 2 hours before and he was dragging the pants with the underwear he had been wearing still inside of them behind him.

I was still trying to catch my breath from my exertions with Katniss as I sat up in the tub and looked over at my sleepy son.

"What's the matter buddy? " I asked as Katniss pulled herself up into a sitting position as well.

Finn's bottom lip quivvered and he dropped his chin to his chest with a sigh.

"I pissed." he said in such a sad but innocent way that Katniss and I both had to bit the inside of our cheeks to keep from bursting out laughing.

"Aww... it's alright baby. " Katniss said waving him over to us where she pulled his shirt over his head and lifted him into the tub with us to clean him up.

"Remind me to thank Paw-Paw tomorrow for the inappropriate language." I mumbled and handed Katniss the soap and a wash cloth to clean Finn up. She just laughed lightly as I climbed out and said I would go change the sheets on his bed.

When I returned to our room I found Katniss and Finn curled up together on our bed fast asleep. Finn was in a diaper and Katniss was wearing a large t-shirt of mine that made me really wish my son was a deep enough sleeper to carry him back to his own room.

Instead I just crept over to the bed and lay down on my side watching them for a while before I fell asleep myself.

"Hello?" I say quietly as I hit the answer button on the intercom to pick up the phone.

"How are you doin' boy?" Haymitch asks and I sigh.

"What do you want Haymitch?" I'm still not always the nicest person to talk to when I'm like this. Luckily Haymitch doesn't take it personally in the slightest.

"Nothing on my part, but there is a little lady over here who would like to know if she can bring you some lunch before she takes her nap." he explains softly.

I deifinitely was not prepared to hear that when I answered the phone. I sigh heavily and use another button on the intercom to turn down the music I have been listening to.

"We've ...never tried that before..." I say cautiously and Haymitch says nothing on the other end as he gives me a second to think it over. "What do you think Haymitch? Is Katniss okay with this?" I ask and run a hand through my damp hair as I move over to lean with both palms flat on the counter looking in the mirror.

"She's not worried about you hurting Bow if that's what you're wondering." he says getting right to the point just like I can always count on Haymitch to do.

"And what about you? What do you think?" I ask still staring at my eyes that don't look quite right in the way they always do during an episode.

"I think that the child just wants to bring you lunch and make sure that you are alright, Peeta. And I think you would be more likely to kill the last unicorn in fairy land than harm a hair on Bow's head."

I smiled at his attempt at humor and nodded slowly. "Alright. You can send her over. Just tell her to come straight up to mine and Katniss' room. Give me 5 minutes to get

dressed." I say and move over to pull the plug on the drain in the tub. Part of me is still wondering if this is a good idea or not but the daddy side of me is telling that part to shut hell up because I miss my daughter too.

I change into jeans and a white t-shirt but leave my feet bare. By the time Bow is knocking on the bedroom door I am just finishing straightening up the bedroom and remaking the bed.

"Come on in, baby." I say softly from where I stand opening the bedroom windows wide.

The handle turns slowly and Bow sticks her head shyly just inside the doorway until she sees me and the big smile I have on my face for her. She throws the door open all the way and rushes in with a canvas bag hanging from one arm which she drops as she throws herself into my arms and hugs me tightly.

"Daddy." she whispers and kissed my ear before wrapping her arms around my neck where I have dropped to my knees on the floor.

"Hi baby girl, how are you? Are you okay?" I whisper sitting down on my butt and rocking her back and forth in my arms. I almost start crying again like I was earlier today when I realize she has no interest in letting go of my neck.

"Uh huh, can we come home now?" She asks and I finally loosen her fingers enough to pull back and kiss her little hands before pressing them to my cheeks with the palms flat. I smile sadly and shake my head.

"Not yet Bowie, I think you guys should just stay at Paw-paw's tonight and we'll see how I feel in the morning." I say and Bow sighs a long suffering sigh.

"Paw-Paw's house smells funny." She says simply and I nod.

"Yes, yes it does." I cross my eyes as I say this and Bow giggles. "Oh, _there_ she is, I was wondering who this sulky girl was and where my daughter went." I say standing from the floor and picking Bow up on my hip. Katniss gets on me for doing so being as Bow is nearly 6 but I just can't let go of her being little. She always will be to me.

"I brought you lunch." She says pointing at the bag on the floor and I set her on the end of the bed so that I can reach down for the bag.

"So how's your Mama and your little brother? Are they doing okay?" I ask and move over to drop into the big comfy chair by the window and gesture for Bow to come and join me. I am arranging my lunch on the ottoman between my knees when she ambles over to the chair and climbs over the armrest to snuggle in beside me while I eat. As I lean back against the comfy cusion behind my back, Bow grabs the rest of my lunch and sets it on top of the canvas bag. I watch her arrange everything carefully and then pull the bag up onto my lap so that we can cuddle while I eat.

"They're okay. Mommy is lying down with Finn while he has his nap." She says and lays her head on my shoulder. "She could use a nap too." She says and I chuckle softly at how that sounds. "What about you? Don't you need a nap?" I tease and jab a finger under the back of one of her knees making her screech with laughter. When she settled down, Bow shrugs and drops her head back down on my shoulder and looks up at me seriously.

"No, I'd rather stay awake and be here with you." She whispers and I groan and drop my head back onto the chair with a wounded sound. When I lift my head and look back down at Bow she is frowning. I wish she knew the effect she has, but she's as oblivious to her powers as her mother _ever _has been to her own.

"You're killin' me here kid." I say and let her crawl up onto my lap while I finish my sandwich. Bow smiles softly and holds an apple slice up to my lips and I take it gently with my teeth. "Thank you ma'am." I say with a wink and Bow eats a piece of apple herself as we settle into a comfortable silence, broken up only occasionally by Bow and I taking turns making suggestions about what we will all do together when the X is gone from the door.

Swimming at the lake, to visit their Grandma, to the bakery to make a cake for my birthday which is in a few days.

When I finish eating and set the bag back on the ottoman, Bow turns over against my side and wraps her arms around my neck again tightly and I already know what is coming next. "Please can I stay longer?" She whimpers and to make matters worse I can feel her tears against my neck.

"Bow…" I croak out around the lump in my throat. "You know I want you to stay with me but you know the rules." I say gently and rub her back. "When the X is on the door, Daddy…isn't feeling well…" I wish I didn't have to lie to my daughter about what the letter means but she's just too young to be told that if we don't follow the rules, bad things could happen. How can I possibly tell my daughter that I tried to kill her mother several times in the past? How can I tell her that sometimes my scrambled brain still thinks I want to try it again?

"Please, Daddy…I'll be good…just let me stay." She cries and I lift her up against my chest so that she has her legs around my hips, her arms still around my neck and her head resting on my chest so that my chin is against the crown of her head.

"Shh…it's alright baby." I whisper and pat her back as she snuggles farther into my arms. When she falls asleep a few minutes later, I know I should call Haymitch and ask him to come over for her. I know that I should think of my family and not myself first. There are a lot of things I know that are wrong about giving in and falling asleep in a chair with my little girl in my arms right now.

But I do it anyway.


	24. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

Thankfully, Peeta and I both slept peacefully through the rest of the night after the initial nightmare he'd woken up from when I came to bed after spending some time sitting up talking with my mom. I was sure we'd need the rest to endure the interviews that evening. After the emotionally taxing day we'd spent with the memorial unveiling the day before, I was looking forward to having most of the day to ourselves since the interviews were being taped live in the evening. Especially since I had arranged for a little bit of a surprise daytrip for Peeta and I to take together.

I only told him about it as we were coming down to breakfast and he was in the midst of trying to weasel information out of me while we ate. He was still doing so when my mother and Johanna came down to breakfast.

"Come on Katniss! It's not fair for you to dangle it out there in front of me like that! That's called teasing!" Peeta insisted between bites of his French toast just as Mom and Johanna were coming around the corner into the dining room.

They both raised their eyebrows at us and Johanna grinned. "Jeez, don't you two ever take a break? I'm surprised you've left that room long enough to attend the events so far this week…" she said with a pleased smile that told me she was both happy to get another jab in on the sexual humor front and overjoyed that it was taking place in the presence of my mother.

"Take it easy will ya?" Peeta said rolling his eyes as my mom poured herself a cup of coffee and Johanna piled pancakes and bacon onto her own plate. "Katniss has some excursion planned for us today and she won't tell me what it is." He said smiling at me playfully.

"Oh! A surprise?" My mom asked grabbing a bagel and sitting down at the table across from us. "Don't make her tell you, Peeta…" She said laughing softly. "…surprises are fun!" she said cutting a sly look my way which I returned.

Peeta looked between the two of us suspiciously and then his eyes widened with understanding. "Hey! You know what it is, don't you Mrs. Everdeen?!" Peeta asked with a good natured smile. I chuckled around a spoonful of cereal and Johanna even looked to be enjoying the joke.

"Of course I do." Mom smiled back and held Peeta's gaze as he stuffed another forful of toast into his mouth. "There are very few things a girl can manage to keep from her mother you know, Peeta." By the way his fork froze an inch from his mouth and his cheeks reddened, I was sure Peeta had gotten the main idea behind the statement. It couldn't have been more clear if she had just out and said 'I know you're having sex with my daughter and don't you ever do anything to hurt her'.

Looking around the table I could see that not only Peeta had gotten the message, but by the smirk on her face, so had Johanna. I had sense enough to look slightly embarrassed as Peeta mumbled a quiet 'yes ma'am.' and went back to his meal.

Peeta continued to make guesses about what we were going to be doing, ranging from the mundane to completely outlandish for the rest of the morning. We took a walk with Johanna, Annie, baby Zale and my mother after breakfast. Peeta ended up pulling the sled with the baby in it and we all laughed as each time Peeta stopped to rest, the baby began crying which kept Peeta walking for virtually the whole time we were outside.

"I wonder if I'll be able to make it through whatever you've got planned after pulling Zale around all morning in that damn sled." Peeta joked when we were back in our room splitting a pot of soup and a roll of bread for lunch. We were perched on opposite ends of the window seat looking out at the city, the comforter from the bed spread over us from belly to toes and our feet resting beside one another in the middle of the window seat.

I laughed softly and nodded. "He sure is cute though. It kinda makes up for the fact that he can take care of absolutely none of his own needs."

Like I've said, it's never been for a lack of thinking babies were cute or cuddly or anything like that, it was more the constant care and concern for their well being that turned me off to parenting in those days. Afterall, I'd already done plenty of the taking care of people thing in my young life. I needed a break from that for a few or…15 years.

"Give him a break Kat, he's only 3 months old." Peeta said with a grin and nudged my foot under the blanket. I grinned and nudged his foot back. We grinned at each other again and it quickly turned into a full blown game of footsie which then escalated to a merciless tickle fight in the window. When I finally gave in and told Peeta that I gave up, he glanced toward the bed and back to me with crystal clear carnal intent.

"No way!" I warned and hopped off of his lap on the windowseat and moved to lie down on my side of the bed. I bunched my pillow up under my chin and shot him another warning look. "We have to leave in an hour, come lie down and nap for a little." I said and Peeta pouted slightly as he climbed from the window and moved over to his side of the bed.

He flopped down on his belly beside me and continued to frown as he mashed his own pillow into submission beneath his head. "Oh don't be such a baby." I laughed and turned onto my side to face him.

I always had to be very sensitive when handling Peeta's feelings as they pertained to our relationship for fear I might set off an episode. I reached over to stroke his cheek lightly and ran my fingers through his shaggy bangs.

"We'll have plenty of time to unwind _that_ way when we get home from the interviews tonight Peet. Maybe we can even spend the night in the solarium again…" I whispered and wagged my eyebrows at him as I ran a finger across his jaw line.

"Light a fire…climb in the hot tub…" I said sliding my hand down to rest on his back where I began to scratch my nails lightly over his t-shirt there.

"Not helping me get rid of sexual thoughts Katniss!" He grunted and adjusted his hips against the mattress with a soft moan.

Even after nearly a year together I still had a difficult time remembering that, while _my_ libido took some time to warm up, (much like a tea kettle on the stove set on low heat) Peeta's nineteen-year-old libido could be compared to, well…a bottle rocket.

"Oh, shit! Sorry…my fault!" I said with a cringe and moved my hand back from his body quickly.

"Yes, yes it was your fault." Peeta chuckled and lifted his head to lean in toward me. I gave him another warning look and he smiled. "Just a kiss, promise." He whispered and I nodded slowly as he leaned in farther and took my lips in a soft, chaste kiss.

"Love you." I murmured as our lips came apart briefly. Peeta leaned in again and sighed as he deepened the kiss with just enough promise for later that night that I brought my hand back up to scratch his back lightly.

"Love you too." Peeta sighed against my lips and I couldn't help my body's reaction to how he said it in that needy way. I slid my hand across his back to grip his opposite shoulder and Peeta scooted over closer to me as our kisses became more passionate.

"Peeta…" I whispered in that warning tone again and tried to pull back but he threw out an arm and looped it around my hips, tugging me forward so that we were front to front.

"No sex…promise…" Peeta grunted and started rubbing his hips against mine lightly. I pulled back a little and gave him a look that plainly said 'are you _kidding _me?' and Peeta turned his head into his pillow and growled. "Yeah…I…heard how stupid that sounded." He mumbled and reluctantly pulled away from me and turned back over to his stomach with a hiss.

I scooted back over to my side of the bed and wrapped my arms around my pillow again. "Sleep for a little." I whispered. "I'll wake you up when it's time to leave." I said with a soft smile and Peeta nodded and turned over to his opposite side so that he was looking out the bedroom windows and the French doors to the patio.

When I woke him up a little later, Peeta rubbed his eyes as he sat up on the bed and looked around. "Time to go?" he asked with a still sleepy but excited edge to his voice. I chuckled and reached out to try and fix his mussed hair. I loved seeing Peeta like this, acting his age. I hoped that the surprise awaiting him on the other side of the city would have me seeing that face a lot that day.

"Mmhmm." I said climbing from the bed and stretching in the early afternoon light. Peeta slid off of the bed on my side and wrapped his arms around me while I had my arms up stretching and I brought them down around his neck.

"Gonna tell me what it is yet?" he asked biting his bottom lip and leaning in to nibble on my ear.

"No." I said pushing away quickly. "your sexual prowess will not keep me from my enjoyment of your surprised face." I teased and Peeta laughed and then suddenly grew serious.

I had seen that face before on several occasions. He was excited and nervous but he also looked gravely worried only a few seconds later. "What's wrong?" I asked with my arms still looped around his neck.

"I…I hate to have to ask this, but it's not…it's not a surprise that might make me…" he raised a hand to beside his head and twirled one finger around and around near his temple miming 'crazy' like he sometimes did when he didn't want to outright mention his episodes.

I thought for a moment, giving his concerns the consideration they deserved and then shook my head. "Shouldn't." I said with a shrug. "It has to do with something you love so it will be as stress-free an experience as I can possibly provide. Sound good?" I asked and Peeta grinned so fully and unrestrained that I couldn't help smiling too.

"Sounds good." He said biting his bottom lip again before we hurried to pass each other as we rushed around the room pulling on shoes and jackets before heading hand-in-hand out of the room.

We talked quietly as we headed down the hall together to the stairs and when we reached the bottom of the landing at the foyer, Avitus was waiting there with a smile.

"Good afternoon Peeta, Katniss." He said nodding to each of us and held out a hand to Peeta with a single key dangling from a chain. We said good afternoon and Peeta looked between the swaying key and my face a few times.

"Your car is out front." Avitus explained and Peeta smiled when he saw the grin on my face.

"We're driving ourselves?" he asked taking the key gingerly from Avitus' hand and looking towards the door. "In what?"

I smiled at Avitus coyly and he raised his eyebrows and I saw the first hint of that carefree, excited smile on Peeta's face.

A minute later Peeta and I were standing outside on the street gaping at a very extravagant (and fast) looking car parked in front of the house. "I get to…to drive _this_?" Peeta asked still staring open mouthed at the car. "Is this my surprise?" he asked brightly and I rolled my eyes. Boys and their interest in flashy vehicles is something I've never really understood.

"No dummy," I laughed and pushed him towards the driver's side. "Well, it's part of the surprise if you count that it's taking us to the place where the surprise is." I grinned and climbed in on the passenger side. Peeta's smile never faltered the entire ride. It even seemed to grow wider with each turn the guidance system told him to take.

"You have reached your destination." The automated voice announced brightly and this time, Peeta and my enthusiasm matched that of the voice on the guidance system.

"Come on!" I said biting my bottom lip as I hopped out of the car and ran around to Peeta's side. He opened the door and climbed out as quickly as his prosthetic would allow and looked up at the massive marble building in front of us. I watched Peeta looking it over, already impressed with the sheer size of the building before him. I saw that look increase times a thousand when he read the stone sign affixed to the front of the building.

PanemNationalMuseum of Art

"Katniss…this is…" He started and dropped his head into his hands as I saw the smile fall from his face. I felt my heart shoot into my throat, immediately thinking that I'd set off an episode.

"Peeta?" I asked weakly and reached out with a shaky hand to touch one of his hands that was covering his face. "Peeta…are you…" he cut me off shaking his head as he moved his hands away and I could see that he had tears racing down his cheeks. "Oh! Peeta…I'm so sorry…I'm so sorry…I didn't…I didn't…I thought you would like this and…" He cut me off again, but this time by grabbing my face and kissing me breathless.

My hands went immediately to his wrists and gripped them because I wasn't sure what exactly was going on until I felt his tongue slide between my lips seeking mine.

"Peeta…" I gasped and he slid his hands that were holding my face down to my shoulders and around my back to pull me in closer.

I forgot for a moment that we were standing on the steps of the national art museum. To be honest, I think I forgot for a moment that I was standing on solid ground at all. When Peeta pulled back after a glorious eternity, I looked up into his eyes that were still teary and touched his cheek lightly.

"You okay?" I whispered and Peeta turned his head to look at the sign in front of us again as if he couldn't believe that it really said what it said. I used my hand on his cheek to turn his face back to mine and searched his eyes for an answer.

"I've…you…" he stuttered and took a deep breath. "This is the nicest thing anyone has _ever_ done for me, Katniss." He said looking at the sign again which made me laugh. "We can go in?" He asked excitedly and I laughed softly and took his hand.

I pulled him along with me as we climbed the stairs to the entrance and then leaned back against the doors with a grin. "Not only can we go in," I said taking both of his hands and swinging them between us playfully. "We have the whole museum to ourselves for 3 hours." I whispered and Peeta's breath quickened and he looked up at the museum again.

"Happy?" I teased and Peeta gave me a devilish smile and leaned in to kiss my lips softly once more.

"Happier than I can adequately put into words…" He murmured against my lips. "Happier than I can properly show you right now in public…" he teased and I felt a shiver down my spine.

"Well, there's always tonight." I teased back and pecked him on the lips once more before wagging my eyebrows at him. "Come on! Let's get in there and start looking at some paintings!" I said turning and grabbing onto the large, ornate handle of the door and pulling it open.

As soon as we stepped inside, a chipper young woman appeared in front of us. She was dressed very similar to how we had seen most people dressed in the Capitol prior to the war and we were both slightly startled by seeing her at first. We later learned that those in the art community were the only citizens given permission to continue dressing this way after the war.

"Good afternoon Katniss, Peeta. My name is Chara." She smiled politely and nodded her head at each of us as she said our names. It was still really bizarre to have complete strangers address us as if they'd known us for years but we both just smiled politely back. I glanced over at Peeta and couldn't help smiling at the way he was already trying to look past our greeter and around corners to see the art.

"Good afternoon, thank you for setting this up for us." I said shaking her hand and then playfully nudging Peeta to do the same when I noticed he wasn't paying attention to either one of us, just the art on the walls around him.

"Oh, I'm sorry…nice to meet you." He said with an embarrassed laugh but quickly returned his attention to the walls.

"As you know, you've got the museum to yourselves for the afternoon and are welcomed to go any_where_ you like and stay in each area as _long_ as you like. We only ask that you don't touch any of the paintings or sculptures." She said with an easy smile. "We know how much you enjoy art Peeta, I hope you both enjoy your day here." Chara pointed to a small intercom box on the wall. "There are intercom units in each area of the museum so just press the button and ask for me if you need anything." She said and smiled widely when she noticed Peeta hadn't heard a word of that. I rolled my eyes in his direction and offered Chara an apologetic smile.

"Thank you, we will." I said with a soft laugh and reached out for Peeta's hand. When my fingers grasped his, it drew him temporarily out of the spell he'd been under since we stepped out of the car and Peeta turned to look at me as Chara walked off down a long hall to our left.

"Well?" I said with a shrug and the kind of smile that had been rare to see on either of us since we arrived in the Capitol. The dazzling smile Peeta responded with made him look like he was about 5 years old. "Should we start looking at some art?" I asked and before I could finish the sentence, Peeta was dragging me down the hall to our right, both of us laughing.

Not a moment of the afternoon was wasted as we made our way through room after room after room of paintings. Some as small as a dinner plate, others that would have covered an entire wall in our bedroom at home. It would have been boring for me (as I have no real interest in art aside from thinking that certain paintings are pretty and would look nice on the walls of my home), except that I was enthralled watching Peeta's eyes carefully inspect each inch of the paintings that 'spoke to him'.

He would stand for several minutes looking at the direction of brush strokes, the blending of colors and it was if I could almost see the wheels in his head turning as he thought about how to use his supplies at home to do similar work. There were never classes in school where something as frivolous as art would be discussed. I realized the farther we traveled through the museum, that this was the first time Peeta had seen the work of master artists up close. It was the first time he'd ever been in a museum.

Okay, so saying that we hadn't wasted a moment might have been a lie, but I think you'd be hard pressed to get either Peet or I to say that making out in the corner of the bronze sculpture room for 10 minutes was a waste.

When we entered the corridor containing all of the nude paintings, we shared a shy smile and I quietly teased Peeta, asking him if he was looking for ideas for the next time I let him paint me that way. He seemed genuinely surprised (and by the way his ears reddened, genuinely embarrassed) by what I said and we probably would have gone another 10 minutes in a corner together if Chara hadn't buzzed us on the intercom to see how we were enjoying ourselves.

"It's…they're….this is the most wonderful place I've ever been." Peeta responded but was looking at me. He mouthed a 'thank you' and I smiled softly and mouthed back 'you're welcome'.

We sat in a room with paintings of landscapes and storms for almost 45 minutes which I think had mostly to do with the fact that in one of the paintings was a rainbow. Rainbows were one of the few things Peeta had never been able to observe long enough to paint properly. He stood in front of the painting of the rainbow for at least 20 of those 45 minutes analyzing every inch of it.

We were in a room with various still life paintings of fruits and flowers when I realized our time was about up and we needed to get back to the house to get ready for the interviews. I hated to interrupt him when it was clear he could have spent another 3 hours in that museum…and then set up a tent, stayed the night and walked through it all over again the next day.

"Peeta…we have to get going pretty soon." I said gently as I walked up to him and took his hand. "Why don't we come back tomorrow? We have a free day all to ourselves remember?" I suggested and Peeta smiled. "We wouldn't be alone but we can bring security so that no one bothers us." I offered and Peeta nodded enthusiastically.

"You'd want to come back here?" He asked raising his eyebrows. "I mean…I know art isn't really your thing…"

I chuckled and leaned in to kiss him on the cheek lightly. "But it's _your_ thing and I'm kinda stuck with you so, yeah…I'd like to bring you back here tomorrow." I smiled and held his hand as we started for the exit.

"Maybe when we get home I could try hunting with you." Peeta offered nudging me playfully with his elbow. I chuckled and stopped at the exit and turned to face him.

"Mmmm…yeah, I guess we could…do that…if you really wanted to that is." I said trying to be light and Peeta laughed and pulled me into his arms.

"Wow, that was the _least _sincere invitation I've ever heard. Good job!" he said kissing my cheek and then my lips gently and I buried my head in his chest laughing.

Peeta had sounded at best, like an elephant and at worst, like a _herd_ of elephants when we'd teamed up in our first Hunger Games and had been making our way through the forest together. I hadn't ever told him directly that he had no business hunting under any circumstances but I assumed from what he was saying in the museum that he'd gotten the drift of why I never invited him into the woods with me unless it was to go to the lake and swim or to show him something I thought he might like to paint.

"Sorry," I said making a face as I pulled back from his chest. "You're just not real…quiet when we're in the woods together and you have to be virtually undetectable when hunting." I explained and Peeta nodded.

"Okay, okay, I get it. Basically you're saying if our roles were more traditionally reversed, we'd probably starve." He teased and I pushed open the door which we headed out hand in hand.

"And we'd have absolutely horrid looking paintings around our home that looked like a small child made them if I tried to do what you do, so we're even okay?" I smirked and Peeta looked back at the museum doors once more as we reached the steps down to the car.

"Sure." He said and looked down at me seriously. "Seriously though Katniss…I really, _really_ appreciate you setting this up for me today." He said and leaned forward to rest his chin on top of my head and hug me close again. "I love you so much. Thank you." He whispered and I wrapped my arms around his waist and squeezed back.

"I love you too, Peet. You're welcome." I whispered back and lifted my head to kiss him gently. Peeta deepened it, sliding his hands up the back of my coat to massage my shoulders and I looped my arms around his waist, massaging the small of his back with both hands.

I pulled back when I heard some quiet snickering to my left and turned to see two young teenaged girls watching us from where they sat on the steps of the museum. Peeta cleared his throat and immediately dropped his hands from where they were up the back of my Jacket to rest them on my hips. I brought my hands around from his back and settled them on the lapels of his jacket and smoothed them out with a sigh.

"To be continued." I whispered with a wink and then took his hand as we headed down the steps to our car.

On the way back to the house Peeta kept one hand on the wheel and the other rested over top of one of mine on my knee. As much as I didn't want to admit it, that trip to the Capitol for the one year anniversary of the rebellion and the end of the Hunger Games did, in fact, bring Peeta and I closer together as a couple. We learned things about each other on the long drive to the city from District 12 and even in bed we had been more attuned to each other's needs since we'd been there.

Peeta must have noticed how quiet I was and he squeezed my hand gently to get my attention. "You doing okay? Nervous about the interviews?" He asked and I shook my head.

"Nah, just thinking." I said cutting a sly glance at him and Peeta smiled and glanced over at me at a stop light.

"Bout what?" he asked and rubbed his thumb over the back of my hand he was still holding soothingly. I turned in my seat so that I was facing him a little better before I answered.

"I dunno…I guess just about…everything. About coming here and the things we've done so far this week. I think maybe…you were right about coming here." I admitted and Peeta grinned.

"Wow! Shit!" He said with a gasp and laughed softly. "Can I get a tape recording of that? Did Katniss Everdeen just tell me I was _right_ about something?" he teased and I rolled my eyes and dug my short finger nails into the back of his hand lightly in warning.

"Hey! I was trying to be serious you jerk!" I laughed and Peeta nodded as he turned his attention back to the road and started driving again.

"I know, I know you were Katniss I was just teasing. I'm glad you feel that way." He said still smiling. "To be honest, I didn't know if it would be a good idea myself when I first suggested it. But I'm very, very glad that it turned out to be one." He said squeezing my hand again.

"Me too." I said squeezing his hand back.

We pulled up outside of the house and were met by my mom, Annie and the baby who appeared to have been walking from the shops down the street.

"Hey! So how was it? Did he love the museum?!" Annie asked excitedly and Peeta snorted.

"Did _everyone_ but me know where we were going?" he laughed and Annie shook her head as Peeta took Zale from her and we headed up the walkway to the front door.

"Oh, no, Mrs. Everdeen only told me after you'd left for the afternoon. I think it's so sweet that you'd do that Katniss." She said with that dreamy smile normal girls get when talking about lovey-dovey things.

My mom hooked an arm through one of mine as Peeta and Annie walked ahead of us with Peeta telling Annie about all the wonderful paintings he saw. "Everything go okay?" Mom asked quietly and I smiled.

"He _loved _it." I whispered back with a grin. "Actually, he cried a little bit when he first realized where we were." I said quietly and looked lovingly at Peeta as he lifted the baby over his head and blew a raspberry on his cheek.

"Good, I'm glad you had a nice time together. Was Peeta alright when you went to bed last night? His voice sounded a little tense…" She asked with that 'concerned doctor' look she always got in her eye when discussing a patient's condition.

I tried to hide the flush in my cheeks at her mention of the night before and when I couldn't, I just hoped I could pass them off as being rosy from the chill of the late winter afternoon. "Yeah, he just had a nightmare. That happens sometimes when I'm not with him." I said quietly and Mom nodded. "Everything was fine once he saw me and knew I was alright." I mumbled and Mom raised her eyebrows as Peeta opened the door for the three of us with his hand not holding the baby.

"So I heard…" She teased with a grin and headed for the dining room without a backwards glance after hanging up her coat. I groaned and hung up my own coat before taking the baby from Peeta so he could hang his up too. Annie was placing her scarf over a hook and chuckled at the look on my face.

We found Effie, Haymitch and Johanna already sitting in the dining room and most of the meal was spent listening to Peeta talk about all of the different paintings we had seen at the museum.

More than once I caught Haymitch and Effie casting approving looks my way and I smiled back to let them know I really was happy that they were pleased with what I had done for Peeta. Everyone was so caught up in Peeta's excitement about the museum that we forgot to be nervous about the interviews coming up in a few short hours.

"And how'd you like tooling around town in that sweet ride, Peeta?" Johanna asked during dessert. "I saw you guys leaving from my window, that was one fiiiiiine looking vehicle." She grinned and Peeta nodded excitedly.

"Yeah, it was great. Really smooth driving. I was more excited about the art though, cars were more my brothers' thing." He said with a sad smile and glanced around the table apologetically when he realized he had dampened the good mood of the table.

"Sorry." He mumbled and I reached over for his hand on his knee. My mother, who was on Peeta's other side, reached over as well and placed a hand on his arm that was resting on the table top.

"Don't be sorry Peeta. It's perfectly natural and acceptable for you to talk about your family. It's actually healthier if you do." She said casting a guilty look down at her lap, knowing full well that everyone at the table knew how she'd been when my father died and how 'well' she and I were dealing with the loss of Prim.

Peeta nodded without saying another word and we all quietly made our way off to our rooms to get ready shortly after.

"Sorry if I made anyone upset back there." He said as we walked up the steps to the second floor and headed down the hall to our room. "I didn't mean to…" I stopped and turned to face him outside of our door.

"Peeta, it's okay. My mom was right, you can talk about your family any time you want. Don't think about how it's going to seem to anyone else, they were _your_ family. If you want to talk about them, you should be able to do so without worrying that you're going to make other people upset." I said sternly and Peeta looked at the floor and nondded slowly. I reached out to touch his cheek and he looked up at me, searching my eyes.

"Didn't it make you feel better to talk about them on the ride here?" I asked as I opened the bedroom door behind me and we both slipped inside.

Peeta sighed heavily and kicked off his shoes on his way to the bathroom. "I guess so…I just don't like making everyone feel uncomfortable. We were having a nice time at dinner talking about the museum and then I….I don't know, I just feel bad for killing the mood…" He said as I pulled my own clothes off on the way to the bathroom behind him.

"You didn't." I argued. "I was really proud of you for being able to share a nice memory of something your brothers liked without getting upset or feeling like an episode was coming on." I whispered wrapping my arms around his waist when we were both down to our underwear and were standing outside of the shower stall waiting for the water to heat up.

"Really?" Peeta asked looking down into my eyes and I smiled and reached up to kiss him softly. "Oh, okay." He said when we pulled back and he smiled a little bit.

"Comin' in with me?" he asked wagging his eyebrows and I chuckled and kicked my underwear away before climbing in the shower. Peeta bent down to remove his prosthetic and kicked his own underwear away as well.

"Just to shower, we have a schedule to keep you know Peeta." I clucked in my best Effie voice and Peeta laughed as he climbed in too.

The interviews went surprisingly well, but I should have known that Caesar Flickerman would do all that he could to put us at ease. He and Peeta had a history of good-natured ribbing of each other so of course their part of the interviews was a big hit.

Peeta gave what Ceasar later referred to (over well-deserved post interview drinks at a saloon down the street from the events center which had, of course, been closed to everyone but our little party of victors, family and Effie and Caesar) as a day-in-the-life account of his activities in District 12 since he'd returned.

He told of the bakery re-building and how I'd helped him with the designing and now ran it with him. He told a little about the quiet nights we'd spend on our front porch watching the stars and forgetting to go to bed until we noticed the sun beginning to rise. He told about the baking classes for children he ran on the weekends and how it was his hope that something similar could be done in every district of Panem to ensure every child in the country was able to feed him or herself if needed. Of course, this earned him a lot of 'ooos' and 'awwws' from the crowd that had been invited to sit in the live audience while the rest of the country watched from their televisions at home.

Peeta expertly navigated tougher questions like if we were planning on tryinging for a family by saying that since the miscarriage I'd (falsely) had after the Quarter Quell, we had decided to wait a while and just enjoy getting to know one another again. That part at least, was completely true. When I was asked, I had turned red and mumbled that we were only 19. I heard Annie and Johanna both snicker slightly from where they sat just off stage.

During my interview, I basically rehashed most of what Peeta said but tried to put my own spin on it. One piece of information I did share that the audience really responded well to was the memory book. I told them how it began with a family plant book kept by my mother and father and how Peeta and I had worked on the book during our time between the first and second Games we were reaped into. How it had started out as something to do to keep busy, but after we returned from the Capitol after the war, we started a new book in memory of those lost not only in the war, but in the Games as well. I told them how I had written the descriptions and memories of each individual and Peeta had drawn them.

Caesar Flickerman even went as far as to guess that there might be considerable interest from the citizens of Panem to one day publish this book for widespread sale in the country. I was quick to agree…as long as the proceeds from the book went entirely to a fund in support of the families of anyone who was in the war, no matter the side they fought on.

Caesar remarked that this was a wonderful idea in front of the interview crowd and then again during our private 'party' at the saloon later on that night.

Annie had gone back in the limosine with my mother (who had decided to stay for just one more night much to my satisfaction) and Effie which left Johanna, Peeta, Haymitch and myself to our own devices for the rest of the evening. I could tell by the look my mother gave me when she kissed me good-bye and whispered for me to be safe that she wasn't sure it was the best idea for us all to head over to the saloon she heard Ceasar and Plutarch telling us about, but to her credit she kept her opinion to herself.

We walked down to the saloon around 10:30 that night, all of us pretty tired but no one ready to go home to bed just yet. I had peeled off my high heels and was riding piggy back on Peeta who had his nicest tie untied and hanging loose around the collar of his dress shirt was unbuttoned far enough down his chest that the collar and top of his undershirt was visible and I was wearing his suit coat to shield me from the biting cold. I was very thankful that it at least wasn't windy.

"Here we are!" Ceasar announced brightly and I couldn't help but marvel at his stamina at _that_ time of night, at _that _age when all the rest of us were well, dragging ass big time.

"Fantastic." Haymitch mumbled as he hurried past all of us and up to the bar area where an attendant was waiting and led us to a large circular booth that we all piled into. Haymitch was halfway through his second drink when all of our firsts arrived and we sat around talking about everything and nothing. We talked about the interviews, the places in them where we had stumbled a little but had managed to cover it with a witty remark or two and we all marveled at Annie's ability to get through hers without breaking down completely as she talked about Finnick and held their infant son in her arms.

"You two really do seem like you're doing well." Caesar said gently twirling the melting ice in his third drink with a stirrer as he looked Peeta and I over. It was only then that I realized (through the haze of my own third drink) the way Peeta and I had cuddled up together on the booth. Actually, it was very similar to the way we were sitting in the little booth of our trailer the first night we stopped to sleep on our way to the Capitol earlier that week. Peeta was turned with his feet stretched out on the seat towards the rest of our group and I was settled between his legs leaning back against his chest. One of Peeta's hands was methodically stroking up and down my thigh while he held a tumbler of vodka and ice in the other. When I smiled softly at Caesar's words and turned my head a little to look up at Peeta, I could see that he was pretty tipsy as well.

"We're…as good as can be expected all things considered, but thanks Caesar." Peeta said raising his glass to the man at the other end of the table. A strange, far away look passed over Caesar's face and left just as quickly before he turned his eyes to Peeta and I and looked at us for a long few moments.

"Trust me, son." He said quietly and tossed back the end of his drink. "You're much, _much _better than could have been expected after all you've been through." He said and cleared his throat before shooting us all a more subdued version of the patented Caesar Flickerman smile and setting his glass gently down on the table.

"Well, this is where I say good-night." He said slipping out of the booth and only for a moment showing his age as he worked to straighten himself out after sitting cramped in the booth for a few hours.

Variations of 'Good-night Caesar' were passed around the table and he told us all to enjoy our 'day off' tomorrow and he'd see us at the banquet on Saturday which, thankfully, was a luncheon after which we would head out on the first leg of our journey home.

Plutarch stood with Caesar saying he would call for a car and wished us all a good night as well. It was while calling a good-night to Plutarch that I realized Peeta's hand that had been stroking my thigh was suddenly farther up my leg, his palm flat against my lower abdomen and his thumb stroking circles on my hip bone.

I snorted a laugh and sat up a little to look at Peeta and noticed Haymitch snoring softly with his head tossed back on the curve of the circle closest to us. "Come on, we're all pretty loopy and if we don't wake Haymitch up now, you're going to have to help carry him out to the car." I said sitting up and placing my hands briefly on Peeta's thighs as I worked to sit up in my _slightly_ inebriated state.

As I did, my backside brushed against Peeta's crotch and I gasped softly when I felt the erection stirring there. I turned my head quickly to look in his eyes and Peeta grinned sheepishly and shrugged his shoulders.

"Wow, you two are pathetically obvious." Johanna slurred from her place across from us. I moved as quickly as I could in the state I was in and smoothed out my dress as I stood from the booth.

"Shut up Johanna." I mumbled and took Peeta's drink from his hand and set it down on the table before pulling him to his feet.

As expected, we all assisted in corralling Haymitch into the limo that had returned to wait for us outside of the bar. I noticed the driver and our security detail smiling slightly as they watched us stumble our way into the car, laughing at each other.

"How bout a walk around the property to sober up when we get back?" Johanna yawned from where she lay on one of the bench seats. We put Haymitch up front beside the driver and buckled him in to make sure he stayed upright until we got back to the house. I could see the hint of a smirk on her face even though her eyes were closed but I knew what she was trying to do.

"How bout we drop Haymitch in his room and then I'm going to spend the rest of the night with my legs locked around Peeta's waist." I smirked back at Johanna and shook a thumb at Peeta as we pulled up in front of the residence.

Peeta and Johanna lifted their heads with identical snaps of their necks and looked at me shocked. Their eyes slowly slid to each other and then they both burst out laughing. We all filed out of the car and I slipped my shoes back on to for the walk to the door. The security detail carried Haymitch into the house ahead of us and as Johanna climbed out she hooked one of her arms with one of mine and tugged me along in front of Peeta chuckling quietly.

"I gotta say, Brainless…I'm proud." She said pretending to wipe a tear in the corner of her eye. "I've got nothing left to teach you." She sighed whistfully and I chuckled because everything anyone said that night seemed to be pretty funny to me.

"Glad I could fulfill that dream for you Johanna." I grinned as we both kicked our shoes off inside the door and scooped them up to carry by the straps. "We're going back to the museum for a little tomorrow after lunch, if you wanna join us let me know okay?" I said watching her climb the stairs ahead of me while Peeta talked with the security guys about how Haymitch was when they returned to the foyer from dropping him off in his room.

Johanna stopped halfway up the steps and turned to look at me with what was almost a thankful smile. "Oh…sure. That…that would be nice. Thanks." She said and then smiled like I'd never seen before. That night I learned that Johanna Mason has a very pretty smile and I felt privileged to be one of (I'm sure) the few people to be treated to it.

"No problem, I'll call your room in the morning and let you know what time we're going to leave." I told her and the sly Johanna smile I was more accustomed to returned just that quickly.

"Sure, sure…" She grinned and winked at me before she turned and headed up the stairs. "Enjoy your night." She called over her shoulder and I hollered a louder than necessary 'Good night!' after her.

"Hey! Shhh!" Peeta laughed suddenly behind me and wrapped his arms around my torso and covered my mouth with one hand. "You're gonna wake the whole house up!" He said turning me around in his arms and kissing me soundly. "I was kinda planning on us carrying out that particular job together…" he mumbled against my lips and nipped his way down my throat to nuzzle my breasts through the gauzy dress I was wearing.

I gasped and looked around the foyer to make sure the security detail had made themselves scarce for the night and then gripped Peeta's hair to let him know his mouth was right where I wanted it. "Ohhhh….Peeta…" I moaned letting my head drop back so that I was looking up through the foyer skylight at the starry sky. I don't know if it was the alcohol, the hight I was still on from my surprise trip to the museum with Peeta or the feelings for him I had become more aware of that week, but when his mouth wrapped around one of my breasts through the dress and laved it with his tongue warmly, I had an urgent need to get him naked and on top of me as quickly as was humanly possible.

"Now…please…" I moaned, reaching for the waist of his pants and pulling his dress shirt free of his pants as we stumbled up the stairs together. Peeta's breaths were coming in short huffs and I could feel by the sheen of sweat that had already broken out on his body when I ran my hand beneath his undershirt that he was just as ready as I was.

"Absolutely…" He grunted as we slammed into the wall at the end of the hallway together, kissing and groping like we hadn't seen each other in years. Peeta pinned me against the wall with his hips and I moaned when I felt his hardness already grinding into my center through his pants and my dress.

Peeta's hands were at my shoulders, holding me against the wall and he slipped one hand down to drag the front of my dress down, freeing my bare breasts before he brought his mouth down onto my chest. I opened my eyes just long enough to look up and down the length of the hallway twice just to make sure no one was around. I could have guessed that they were all asleep well enough if I'd actually had a clue that it was two in the morning.

I dropped my head forward as he switched back and forth between breasts and I bit down on his shoulder to keep from crying out. "Peeta!" I hissed as he pushed my dress down my arms to my waist leaving me completely bare from the waist up. "Bedroom..." I whispered shakily against his neck and Peeta came out of his haze long enough to look up and down the hall himself before scooping me up in his arms and carrying me the rest of the way to our room.

He set me down in front of the door and I dug a shaky hand in my small purse for the key to our room while Peeta, his arms then wrapped around my torso from behind, ground his erection into my backside and fondled my breasts. "Not helping!" I groaned and slid the key into the door finally after three or four misses because my hands were shaking so badly.

"There!" I cried proudly as the door swung open and we tumbled in and both fell on the floor in a heap. In any other circumstance, we probably would have burst out laughing and teased each other about the mishap. This was _not_ any other circumstance and I realized that quickly when I climbed to my knees and started pushing my dress down my hips the rest of the way and looked over to see Peeta on his knees as well struggling with shaky fingers of his own to unzip his fly.

When I finally managed to get myself completely naked, I was crawling over to the bed when Peeta grabbed my hips from behind and propelled me forward until I was leaning over the end of the bed face down.

"You okay?" He asked hoarsely beside my ear as I felt him lining his hips up to enter me from behind. I nodded eagerly and spready my knees apart, bracing them on the soft carpet of the floor.

"I'm fine, go ahead, please!" I almost sobbed and reached back with both hands to hold onto Peeta's sides. Before the whole word 'please' had completely left my mouth, Peeta drove into me fast and hard, stopping when he was buried to the hilt and we both moaned with satisfaction.

"I love you." I said turning my face to look into Peeta's when I felt his hot breath against my ear. He had his head resting against the back of my neck and I nuzzled his forehead with my nose until he lifted his head a little to kiss me.

"Love you too. Always, Katniss." He grunted as he began to pull out and then pounded back into me when he'd pulled only halfway out. I cried out and dropped my head forward again and dropped my arms from his sides to fold them under my cheek as we really began to move.

I wasn't surprised that it only took a few minutes of thrusting paired with Peeta's constant attention to my breasts with his roaming hands, before we both went over the edge crying out each other's names.

It must have been only a few minutes later but it felt like hours, when we both finally came back to our senses curled up together on the floor in a tangle of limbs. Peeta was stroking the back of his knuckles lightly over one side of my face and peppering kisses over my neck and chest lovingly.

I lifted my head and propped it up on one elbow. I looked down into his face smiling sleepily but adoringly, trying to keep my emotions at bay as I was overcome once again by the depth of my feelings for the boy who was grinning up at me with a similar expression.

"Hey." He mouthed and placed a hand on the small of my back, tugging me forward so that I was lying on his chest. In the wee hours of that morning, lying naked together on the floor of our temporary room in the Capitol, I finally smiled and kissed the patch of hair I'd been so curiously watching grow for several months.

One of Peeta's hands slid up from my back to touch the hair and I felt him chuckle softly.

"Does this officially mean I'm not a kid anymore?" He asked playfully and I shrugged and continued pressing soft kisses to the area.

"Don't know." I whispered and glanced up at his eyes smiling. "But I _will_ tell you that I find it to be pretty sexy." I admitted with a chuckle and kissed my way down his chest and across his abs.

"Really now?" Peeta murmured and grabbed under my arms, dragging me back up his body so that I was lying on top of him. I wiggled my toes against his and Peeta grinned.

"Uh huh, really sexy." I giggled and started to say something else but my eyes caught the time on the clock. "Ughh…Peeta, it's 3:15 in the morning!" I groaned and dropped my head to his shoulder, letting my whole body go limp on top of his.

Peeta laughed softly and settled his hands on my backside after giving each cheek a light crack with his palm which made me screech and jump a little. "Oh alright, we can go to sleep now I guess." He whispered as I climbed off of him and we both stood.

It was then that I remembered we had talked about going back to sleep in the solarium where we would have the most privacy. As it turned out after the exciting day we'd had, it was looking to just be privacy to sleep, but I still didn't want Peeta to think I'd forgotten about it.

I was pulling on a pair of cut off sweats and a tank top when I turned to Peeta who was pulling a pair of flannel sleep pants on. "Did you still want to go over to the solarium for the night? We can take pillows and blankets and make a bed by the fire again but this one would be a little more comfortable." I suggested and Peeta grabbed the comforter and threw our pillows to me without a second thought.

"I'm in!" he grinned and grabbed a couple of bottles of water and 2 towels for us. "Maybe a dip in the tub in the morning?" he asked and I nodded as he leaned in to give me a kiss.

"You got it." I said kissing him back and Peeta sighed happily. That week I noticed not only a change in myself and the dynamic between Peeta and I, but I noticed a change in Peeta that was all his own. He seemed to have come to a place where he was at peace with the horrors he'd faced in that city. It began months before when he had started talking me into giving that visit to the Capitol a chance, had strengthened when I agreed to go with him, and grew even more in just the few days since we had arrived. I hoped that I had at least a little to do with that change and by the look in Peeta's eyes as we crept down the hall together to the solarium, I was certain I had.

We entered the room quietly and I set up our makeshift bed on the floor while Peeta got the fire started and put enough logs on it to last until we woke up in the morning. I checked the water in the hot tub and placed our towels on the little couch beside it before joinging Peeta on the floor. He tucked me in close to his body beneath the warm comforter and we settled our heads on our own pillows but holding each other just as close as those nights on the victory tour, guarding each other from the monsters that crept in the dark.

We fell asleep quickly, smiles on our faces as we seemed to both notice that there might have been 2 or 3 less monsters to guard against than there had been even a week earlier.


	25. Chapter 21

**Thanks so much for all of the kind reviews! Just hit 100 today and the followers have already gone past 100! There will be one more chapter to wrap up their time in the Capitol and then an interlude before we jump ahead a few years in their story leading up to the kids! **

Chapter 21

When I woke the next morning, Peeta was spooned up behind me under the pile of blankets we had brought to the solarium the night before to swaddle ourselves in. I could feel his steady deep breaths on my neck and I smiled to myself when I lifted the blanket a little to find the hand of the arm resting over my torso was lightly cupping one of my breasts.

I looked around the room and estimated that it was around 10 o'clock by where I could see the sun in the sky through the glass walls. I hated to wake Peeta but I had to pee so I gently extricated myself from his arms and chuckled softly when Peeta scooted over into the space where I had been laying and buried his face in my pillow as he fell back to sleep.

I pulled a hooded sweatshirt on over the tank top I had worn to bed on my way to the bathroom located on the same wall as the door we had used to enter the room. I was instantly horrified by the way my make up from the night before had spread over my face and almost screamed when I saw myself in the mirror but slapped my hand over my mouth to hold it in.

I grabbed a washcloth after relieving my bladder and gently began to wipe my face clean with warm water. "You are a _good, good _man Peeta Mellark." I said shaking my head as I washed mascara from under my eyes. I couldn't believe that Peeta hadn't said anything to me about how I looked after our encounter the night before or even during our walk down the hall to the solarium, but I appreciated his not having looked terrified and insist I sleep somewhere else.

When I left the bathroom a few minutes later, I found Peeta stretched out on his back in the middle of our makeshift bed stretching his arms and legs and yawning loudly. "Morning." I chuckled and flopped down on the couch closest to him and curled my legs up under my butt.

"Morning." Peeta smiled and wrapped his arms backwards over the pillow behind his head revealing his dark blonde armpit hair. "Sleep well?" He asked and raised himself up on his elbows giving me his complete attention.

"Of course I did, I was exhausted after the day we had." I grinned and Peeta offered me a sly grin of his own in response.

"And perhaps a little bit after the _night_ we had?" he asked and I wasn't sure whether he was alluding to the amount of alcohol we had both consumed or the frantic love making we engaged in from the foyer to the hallway, to our bedroom. It didn't matter which he was talking about, they were both pretty embarrassing.

"Did I tell Johanna I was going to spend…" I began but Peeta cut in and finished the rest of the sentence with me as he grinned proudly. "…the rest of the night with my legs locked around Peeta's waist?" I buried my face in my hands and groaned.

I could hear Peeta chuckling as he climbed off of the floor and came to the couch where he tugged me up onto his lap. I groaned again and dug my forehead into the crook of his neck as I felt my cheeks flaming with embarrassment.

"I can_not_ believe I said that." I whimpered and Peeta rubbed my back with one hand and kissed my cheek beside my ear.

"Hey, don't worry about it. She had it coming." Peeta said softly and tilted my chin up to make me look into his eyes. I just stared at him, my cheeks still hot with the mortification of what I had said to Johanna Mason, of all people. I couldn't hold my sour expression long when a smile tugged at the corners of Peeta's lips and he leaned in to kiss me once, twice and then moved his lips down my throat to my chest.

I sighed (happily this time) and dropped my head back to give him better access as he slid a hand up between us and slowly began to unzip the hooded sweatshirt I was wearing. I never before thought the slow dragging sound of a zipper being lowered could be such an enormous turn on, but quickly learned that it was when I flipped myself around to straddle Peeta's thighs. He began pushing the sweatshirt off of my arms and let it fall to the floor.

"That was amazing last night." I whispered nibbling on the shell of his ear until he moved his lips down lower on my chest and tugged the low collar of the tank top down until it sat beneath my breasts and left them both open to his attention.

"Yeah…it was…intense." Peeta murmured before tugging at one of my nipples with his lips and then rolling it between his teeth gently. I gasped and gripped the sides of his head, holding him there as I began to press my hips down into his erection.

"Good intense?" I asked trying not to sound self-conscious as he kissed his way over to the other breast and repeated the same action. Peeta must have sensed the change in my tone and he lifted his head and looked into my eyes seriously.

"_Amazing_ intense." He said with a shy smile and settled one hand on my hip and held my cheek lovingly with the other. "I don't think you'll ever be able to understand just how much I love you Katniss." He whispered and stroked my cheekbone with his thumb. "But I sure as Hell am going to enjoy trying to show you for the rest of my life." He whispered looking into my eyes and through my soul like only Peeta could.

I moaned softly and reached to pull the tank top over my head and tossed it away. Then I bit my lip as I stood from his lap and kicked the cut off sweats I had worn to bed aside so that I was standing naked in between his knees. "Show me now?" I asked stepping an inch closer so that my knees brushed against his where he sat.

Peeta tilted his head slightly, taking in the full sight of me. I realized with a secret little thrill that he traced the lines and curves of my body with his eyes the same way I had watched him do to the paintings at the museum. Knowing how much he loved art gave me some idea of what Peeta saw when he looked at me.

Not the fire mutt I assumed he would see before we were first intimate. He saw a girl he'd been in love with his entire life. A girl who he recognized beauty in just as plainly as if it had been painted on a canvas. I certainly didn't see myself that way, but knowing Peeta did sent a chill through me that stoked the embers of desire that had barely enough time to have gone out from the night before.

With a slow nod, Peeta reached for me, placing his hands on my hips and pulling me forward until I was forced to straddle his hips again with my knees digging into the soft cushions of the sofa. His hands slid down my hips and backside until they reached the bends behind my knees and he gently tugged me forward until my hips were pressing into his again.

I moaned as he recaptured my lips and I felt him thick and hard through his sleep pants against the bare skin of my lower belly. We began to push our hips back and forth against one another as if we were already connected. "Kat…" Peeta cried out softly and pushed his hips harder up against me. His hands slid up to hold onto my waist, kneading and squeezing with each thrust against me.

"…yes…please, Peeta…" I mewled when he brought his hips back down to my chest and licked and sucks on each breast in turn. I knew it was becoming more and more difficult for Peeta to control himself when he stood abruptly from the couch with me still in his arms. I locked my legs around his waist and continued to scratch his scalp lightly and occasionally tugged on his hair.

He lay me down amongst our pile of blankets so that my head was resting on one of the pillows. "…love you so much." He murmured and gently unwound my legs from his waist and lay them straight on either side of his own. I stroked my hands up and down his back as Peeta began kissing down my neck on one side, his lips brushing over my shoulder and down my arm all the way to my fingertips. He repeated this action on the other side of my body and when he reached the fingers of that hand, moved his kisses over to my hip and belly which he nuzzled. I could feel the soft puffs of air from the heavy breathing caused by his arousal so near to where I wanted his mouth.

"Peet…" I gasped and raised my hips shamelessly toward his wandering lips. I felt Peeta smile against my lower belly as he nipped his way across to the other hip and then down the top of the thigh to my knee. I squirmed and dropped my legs open invitingly around his upper body, groaning when he kissed from that knee to the next and slowly moved up the top of the second thigh but again, avoided where I wanted him most.

"Patience, Everdeen." Peeta chuckled looking up at me with hooded eyes as he slowly lifted my legs by the calves and settled them over his shoulders so that my calves were resting along the length of his back.

"Please…" I whispered with as sexy a smile as I could muster and dropped my head back on the pillow when I saw his head descending between my legs. "PEETA!" I cried and lifted a corner of the pillow to my mouth and bit down on it hard as he went to work 'thanking' me for the trip to the museum or trusting his opinion to come to the Capitol that week, I wasn't sure. But this was always the way Peeta physically showed his thanks since we'd been in an actual relationship and I reached my hands down to hold his head, stroking my fingers through his hair to say 'you're welcome'.

I glanced down briefly as he picked up the pace and went back to biting down on the pillow and moaning over and over into it as my hips moved against his mouth and I was driven closer and closer to my orgasm. I knew Peeta could tell how close I was when I felt him sink two fingers into me just beneath his tongue and began pumping them in and out quickly.

What finally pushed me over the edge was when he reached up with his free hand and took one of my hands out of his hair and threaded his fingers through mine and I screamed some combination of his name, 'I love you' and possibly a really profane curse word or…5.

I grabbed one corner of the comforter beside us and pulled it up over Peeta to the back of his shoulders while he kissed his way up my body until he reached my lips. It was still a little strange to me even after all of this time, to taste myself on his lips but all of the other wonderful feelings that came with this act trumped that strangeness.

"Hi." Peeta murmured against my lips and settled his full weight on top of me gently. We were both breathing heavily and already sweating even though a chill had begun to slowly creep into the room since the fire burned out.

"Hi." I panted back and shifted my hips enough to line up with his. Peeta brushed his nose against mine with a grin and reached down to tug the comforter up over his back as he stretched out on top of me better. I reached down to push his sleep pants down enough to free his erection and Peeta slowly began to push in.

"Mmmppphh…" we both moaned together when he was all the way in. I moved my hands to Peeta's back, stroking my short fingernails up and down the length of his smooth skin there lovingly as we just held still, enjoying the feeling of being joined together as much as if it were the first time.

"Love you…" I whispered and kissed Peeta's lips and then his cheek gently.

'Love you too, Kat…" Peeta grunted quietly and began to move his hips slowly back and forth.

We spent the rest of the late morning making love on the floor and then once more in the hot tub.

I was lounging on the bench in the tub opposite Peeta when he mentioned that we better head back to our room soon since my mom was planning to be on the 1 o'clock train back to District 4.

"Mmm…" I grunted sleepily and lifted my head from the edge of the tub. "Yeah, and I told Johanna she could come with us when we go back to the museum today." I shared and Peeta lifted his head in surprise, but smiled.

"Sure, that sounds like fun." He said reaching for the towels by the tub and scooted until he was sitting on the top step into the tub before swinging his good leg over and wrapping the towel around his waist when he hopped to floor. He held the second towel up for me, wrapping me in it when I climbed out of the tub myself.

We dried off and pulled our pajamas from the night before back on and headed back to our room where we showered and ate the brunch that we'd asked Avitus to send there before we left the solarium.

At noon, there was a knock on the door and I opened it, letting my mother in to say good-bye to us. I knew I had to redeem myself for being such a dolt and having to rely on Peeta to think about asking her to stay with us. I really was thrilled that she had decided to stay not only one, but two nights and I know we both felt there had been some progress in dealing with our shared grief over losing Prim.

She had hugged Peeta and tilted his head down to her with a hand on either side of his face to kiss his forehead, telling him that she was so pleased with the progress he'd made with his hijacking episodes. She quietly told him she was equally pleased that he and I were 'really' together now and she wished he would be able to one day look upon her as a mother to ease the pain of the family he lost and she would look upon him as another child to her.

"Together…" She said taking one of my hands and placing it in Peeta's and then holding them both together with one of hers. "…we'll make a family of our own and be okay." She said and we both smiled and leaned forward to lay our heads on each of her shoulders. She petted our hair gently for a moment before we pulled back and all released each other.

"Call when you're back in 4 so we know you're safe?" I asked as Peeta put an arm around my shoulders and we walked my mom to the door of our room.

"Of course. And you two call when you get home." She said with a disapproving sigh. "I don't very much like the idea of you driving all the way back to 12 by yourselves but I guess you made it here alright…" She said and pointed between us. "Just be safe and stop to sleep when you need to okay?"

"We will." Peeta promised and Mom looked between the two of us once more with a secret little smile and headed down the hall. We watched her until she rounded the corner to the stairs and then Peeta shut the door and gently tugged me into his arms.

"You okay?" he asked rubbing my back gently as he rocked me back and forth on my feet. I nodded and rested my head on his chest for a long time before I pulled back and smiled up at him.

"How bout we go get Johanna and head to the museum for a little? Apparently there is an indoor swimming pool in this place and Annie and I talked about taking Zale in it when he gets up from his afternoon nap so I want to be back for that." I said and Peeta released me to go over to the bed and pull on his shoes.

"Little young for swimming lessons, isn't he?" Peeta laughed softly and I shook my head as I moved over to sit on the end of the bed and put my own shoes on.

"Annie says in District 4, it's tradition to take infants into the ocean for the first time before they are 10 days old. But being as he was born in late fall, it was only to dip him in for a few seconds and to fulfill the tradition so he hasn't had a lot of real experience in a large body of water yet." I explained and Peeta nodded.

"Mind if I join you?" he asked and reached for the handle of the door. "I'd like to see that myself…and I can show off my swimming skills." He teased as we headed out the door and down the hall to Johanna's room. I tried to keep a smile from my face when we saw that Johanna was already outside of her room waiting for us to go. She was dressed for an afternoon out and had

"Morning." I said still fighting a smile and Johanna narrowed her eyes at me when she realized she was about to be the butt of a joke.

"…Morning..." She replied hesitantly and folded her arms defensively as she looked between the two of us. "How'd that 'legs locked' plan go last night?" She asked with a smirk. "Well I assume since everyone looks rather chipper this afternoon."

Peeta and I both rolled our eyes and turned without another word to head down the hall towards the stairs.

We took the same car we'd been given to drive to the museum the day before and our security detail followed in a separate dark vehicle. They told us that they would follow us at a discreet distance and only interfere if other visitors to the museum came too close to us or were not able to move on beyond a simple 'hello' or 'how are you?'.

We spent 2 hours walking around the museum again and I happily watched Peeta take the lead, revisiting all of his favorite paintings and explaining to Johanna and I what it was about each one that he enjoyed so much. We quickly learned that touring the museum with Peeta as a guide was a more valuable experience than if we had been led around by the musuem's own curator.

"You know it's amazing how much he knows about art coming from District 12 and all." Johanna said while we sat on a bench in the middle of the landscapes room where Peeta was, once again, standing in front of the rainbow painting inspecting it closely.

"Hey, what do you know, that almost sounded like a compliment." I smirked at her and she grinned and nudged my arm with her elbow.

"It _was_ a compliment." She chuckled and shook her head as she looked back over at Peeta lost in his own little world as he looked at the painting. Johanna watched him for a few moments before turning back to me. "Jeez, is he this intense about everything?" She asked and despite my best efforts not to, I blushed. "Ah…glorious." Johanna said sighing happily and it was my turn to nudge her arm.

Johanna and I followed Peeta from room to room and I promised that if we ever had to come back to the Capitol again, we would visit. Little did I know, when we were heading for the exit at the end of our visit, the curator and a few of the higher ranking staff in the museum were waiting for us at the door.

Peeta immediately looked a little frightened and I grabbed his hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

"Peeta…" The curator began with a pleasant smile as we stopped in front of him. "…we know that you'll be heading home to District 12 tomorrow and well…we can obviously see how much you've enjoyed your visit to our museum here so we'd like to give you something." He said nervously and placed a small cube about the side of an orange in Peeta's hand. I could tell by the way his hand dropped a little that it was heavier than it looked. Peeta shrugged with a nervous laugh and looked at the curator for explanation as the group standing around us bustled with nervous energy. "Well…simply put…it's…the museum." The curator explained with a similar nervous laugh.

Peeta looked to both Johanna and I for clarification but we both were just as puzzled by the statement so the curator stepped forward to elaborate. "This box here, contains life-sized holograms of every room in the museum." He said turning the box over to indicate a screen with a touch screen scrolling list of names of rooms I recognized from the plaques we'd seen as we passed through the museum. "You need only touch the name on the screen and a full-sized replica of that room in your own home. Every painting, every sculpture in crystal clear high definition right in front of you." He said brightly and Peeta's eyes bugged out of his head. He held the cube closer to his body, almost cradling it as if it were the most precious thing in the world.

"Th…thank you…I don't really know what else to say…" Peeta stuttered and I stepped up beside him to help out.

"Thank you, I'll be sure to remind him he has it any time I feel like he's pestering me and I want some time to myself." I joked reaching out to hold Peeta's hand and the staff as well as Peeta and Johanna all laughed.

Peeta thanked them again and shook each staff member's hand before we left with Peeta still holding his gift close.

We stopped at a paint store on the way back to the house and I insisted on buying Peeta some new supplies for him to use back home. He'd scoffed at first, saying he could just order them from the Capitol at home and have them shipped there but I told him I wanted to and that he should just shut up and accept the gift. Johanna watched our interactions with a mixture of amusement and envy and I made it a point to corner her later that night and ask her about this 'casual' relationship she was carrying on back in 7.

When we arrived back at the house, Johanna said she was going to go lay down for a while and she would meet us for dinner after our swim. I didn't invite her to join us because I didn't know if she was any better about water after the way she was soaked and electrocuted as part of her torture when she had been captured by the Capitol.

Peeta and I found bathing suits and large fluffy towels waiting on our bed when we returned to our room and we quickly changed and headed to the pool. Annie was sitting on a lounge chair by the pool removing Zale's diaper when we got there.

"Hey, how was your afternoon?" She asked lifting the baby up onto her shoulder and rubbing his tiny back to keep him warm. I couldn't help but notice that she cut a quick look at Peeta's prosthetic leg as he sat down in a chair to remove it, but to her credit, Annie said nothing about it.

"It was great!" Peeta said excitedly and told Annie about the hologram box and how it would allow him to see all of the paintings in the museum from our home in 12.

While they talked,I climbed into the warm water of the pool first and looked suspiciously at the naked baby in Annie's arms as she climbed in a few minutes after me. "Is that thing loaded?" I asked pointing to Zale's lower body with a smile.

Annie chuckled and kissed his head as he squirmed against her chest trying to pull into a ball to keep warm. "He's on empty for now. We've probably got about an hour or so before we need to worry about contaminating the pool." She grinned and gently lowered Zale into the water as she held him under her arms.

Peeta came up behind me in the water and wrapped his arms loosely around my torso as we both watched Annie introducing her and Finnick's son to the world his parents came from. She slid to her back slowly, folating easily like someone whose been in the water all of their life only can and kicked her feet so that she was swimming slowly across the pool on her back. She lifted her head and blew softly in Zale's face just before submerging him completely in the water for a few seconds and then popping him back up above the surface.

We all laughed at the surprised look on the baby's face and he spluttered water from his mouth. Annie smiled and continued to paddle around the pool, blowing in his face before each time she submerged him. Peeta and I watched amazed as Zale eventually got the idea and was able to hold his breath for longer and longer periods of time as Annie swam with him.

When she had circled all the way back around to where Peeta and I were, she nodded to Peeta and asked if he would stand about a foot across from her so that she could try something.

Peeta looked a little apprehensive but agreed and Annie turned the baby towards Peeta, blew in his face and submerged him before giving him a gently push out of her hands. Peeta's eyes widened as he watched the baby's instincts take over and he dog paddled straight into Peeta's hands.

"Wow! Look at you!" Peeta laughed raising the baby to his shoulder and cuddling him. I tried to ignore it, but I felt a little tugging at my heart seeing Peeta be so loving and gentle with Zale. "He swims better than I did after a month's worth of lessons!" he laughed as the baby cooed and rubbed his face into Peeta's neck.

Annie smiled proudly and motioned for Peeta to send him back to her. He looked a little unsure but Annie nodded and gave him such a trusting, reassuring look that he slowly turned the baby out towards her and blew in his face the way he'd seen Annie do and then gently pushed him over to her under the water.

Zale swam just as well back to his mother and when he popped up out of the water with his big green eyes wide we all clapped proudly and Annie cuddled him close in her arms and kissed all over his face.

"What a big boy!" I laughed softly and slid over to stand next to Annie and reached up to stroke Zale's back gently.

"Here, Katniss. You take him for a little." Annie said passing the baby over to me. I took him gingerly and held him close when he was in my arms. It was one thing to hold a fully clothed, dry baby on land but I wasn't so sure about holding a wet, slippery naked baby in the water. "Just relax, he trusts you." Annie assured me and I nodded and lay back in the water, setting Zale on my chest.

He placed his hands on my shoulders and gently lifted himself up wobbily to look into my face. I smiled and cooed to him as I reached up to let him wrap his little hands around my thumbs as I placed my feet back on the bottom of the pool. We swam around for a few minutes, Zale being pulled along through the water still holding my thumbs and when we got back to Peeta and Annie, I handed him to Peeta next.

Of course, he took Zale happily and swam around the same way I had with him. I watched Annie watching Peeta with the baby and knew that she couldn't help but be picturing Finnick in his place. I reached out through the water and took one of her hands which made Annie turn her head toward me.

"Thank you, Katniss." She said and I nodded once before we both turned out attention back to Peeta and the baby, laughing when Peeta held him out of the water above his head and blew a raspberry on his bare belly which made Zale squeal happily.

"Watch it there Peeta, he hasn't peed in a while." Annie chuckled and Peeta quickly placed the baby back in the water and cast him a look similar to one you might give a ticking time bomb.

He swam back over to us slowly and apparently just in time as Zale began to whimper lightly.

"Awww…you did a good job baby." Annie said taking him back from Peeta and cuddling him against her chest. Zale stuffed his fingers in his mouth as he looked up at his mother who began rocking him back and forth slowly in her arms. It saddened me so much to think that Finnick would never get to see Annie like this with their child and I promised myself that each time I held Zale, kissed his chubby face, or laughed at some funny face he made, I would be doing it for Finnick.

We stood talking quietly about going home the next day and promising each other that we would all keep in touch and visit when we could. It was in the midst of this conversation that Peeta looked down and smiled at the baby who had fallen fast asleep against Annie's chest in the water.

"I should probably dry him off and wake him up so he can eat." Annie whispered and excused herself. I moved over to stand in front of Peeta, looping my arms around his waist and leaning up to kiss him softly.

"That was some pretty good swimming there partner." I teased and Peeta chuckled and looped his arms around me too.

"I was terrified I was going to drown him." He admitted and I nodded, saying I had the same concern when I was holding him.

We watched Annie lay the sleeping baby on a towel and dry him off before she placed a diaper back on him and swaddled him in a blanket from his diaper bag that was beside the lounge chair they were using. She sat back down on the chair and adjusted the top of her suit so that she could feed him.

"He's just so little…" Peeta whispered and leaned down to kiss me softly. "Maybe having kids is something I could wait a little longer for afterall…" he murmured and I sighed against his lips before we pulled back. I looked up into Peeta's eyes sadly and took a deep breath to collect my thoughts before I responded.

"Peeta…I know you think I'll eventually change my mind about the whole…kids…thing, but what if I don't? Will you still want to be with me?" I whispered and Peeta looked at me and sighed himself.

"I will _always_ want to be with you Katniss. I've told you that." He said sternly. "And I _still _think that eventually, you're going to want to have one or two of those…" he said nodding to Zale. "…with me." He smiled softly and I groaned and rested my head against his chest. "Just like I think one day you're going to say yes when I ask you to marry me."

Now I knew he was just showing off and I rolled my eyes. "Pretty sure of yourself, aren't you Mr. Mellark?" I asked with a smirk and Peeta shook his head.

"Nah…" he whispered and stroked his hands up and down my back. "I just know for a fact that you aren't as cold and calculating as you _still_ sometimes think yourself to be."

I snuggled into his arms and said nothing, but kissed his chest at the place where I knew his heart to be and we just held each other for a long time.

At dinner later that night we ate, drank, and laughed together, determined to enjoy our last night all together for who knew how long. Haymitch managed to stay sober enough to keep up with the conversation and he even held the baby for a little while (he was really given very little choice to do otherwise as the poor kid was passed around the table at least 5 times between appetizers and dessert).

We had dessert in the living room, all spread out and carrying on separate conversations. Peeta and I were sitting on one of the couches together watching Johanna playing on the floor with the baby when Effie approached us and sat gingerly on the couch across from where we were sitting.

"Katniss, Peeta, I just…wanted to let you know that I want you to continue to keep in touch with me and if you ever need anything for your home or for your bakery then you give me a call and I'll…I'll get it right to you." She said and I could tell by her voice that she was trying to keep her emotions in check.

"Of course we will Effie." Peeta said with an easy smile and leaned over to take one of her hands. She looked surprised at first but then gently held his hand between both of hers and patted it twice lightly and smiled back at him.

"Oh…" She said looking around the room to make sure no one was listening to our conversation. "And I just wanted to…apologize again for the other night…" She said and I tried not to smile at the way her voice rose a few octaves from nerves. "I suppose I still think of you two as those 16-year-olds I first met at the reaping 3 years ago." She said looking away with a sigh.

Peeta and I shared a look and I reached out to place a hand on top of Peeta's and Effie's that were already joined. "It's fine, Effie." I said with a shrug. "Peeta and I will just have to learn to use door locks for their intended purpose." I said thinking of the first morning when Johanna walked in on us too.

"Well, that _would_ be the proper thing to do." Effie reminded us in the way only she could and I somehow felt like the apology she was offering was being turned around on its head to make us feel like we were at least partly responsible.

'_Point Trinket_.' I remember thinking to myself and held in a chuckle when I realized Peeta had come to the same conclusion and was trying not to laugh too.

She excused herself for the night and told us we better get to bed ourselves if we were to be up and ready for the farewell luncheon the next day.

"On top of the schedule as always." Haymitch mumbled and he and Effie smirked at each other as Effie left the living room heading for the stairs to the second floor. Everyone else slowly made their way out of the room and headed to bed.

Johanna, Peeta and I were the only ones left before Peeta said he was heading up to bed and hinted that he might also take a peek at how that hologram cube worked before he went to sleep.

"Have fun, try not to break it." I teased when he leaned over to kiss me good night and I said I would be up shortly.

Johanna and I sat on opposite ends of the couch that was facing the fire as we listened to Peeta ascending the steps with the tell tale step and thump of his prosthetic leg.

"So does he wear that thing during sex or does he go truly au natural?" Johanna asked and I glared at her for a second and then slowly turned to face her and folded my arms.

"How bout for a change we talk about _your_ sex life, Mason?" I asked with a smirk and Johanna shrugged and made a face.

"Not nearly as fun as talking about yours." She sighed whistfully and I kicked her knee lightly with my foot. "Alright, alright…it's…nothing, honestly. Like I said, totally casual." She shrugged and I smiled.

"You like him." I said nudging her with my foot again and she slapped it away as she fought a smile. "You do, admit it!" I chuckled.

Johanna shrugged and said "eh." which for her was like saying she wanted to marry the guy. "He's alright. He's from 3 originally so he's kind of a tech head." She said and then snorted a laugh. "Who'd have thought I'd end up foolin' around with some guy from Nuts and Volts' district?" She chuckled and I shook my head.

"Aside from what I'm sure is his obviously _huge_ talent in bed," I smirked and Johanna grinned devilishly. "What do you like about him? I mean…what made him worth 'fooling around' with?" I asked and Johanna turned her attention to the fire. She looked into it for so long that I almost thought she wasn't going to say anything but then she began speaking, clear and strong.

"For starters, yes, he's magnificent in bed…" She said with a soft smile that had none of her usual bravado behind it. "…but he also…I dunno, treats me like a girl…" She shrugged as if she didn't know how to find the right words to describe what she meant, but as a fellow 'strong female' I knew exactly what she meant.

I knew it because it was the same way Peeta treated me. Opening doors for me, wrapping me in his arms in a way that made me feel small and in need of his protection even though when it came down to it, I'd be more likely to protect the two of us from harm. And yes, the way he treated me in bed too.

"He's happy just to hang around the house with me when I'm having a bad day, which is more often than not if we're being honest." She said quietly and folded her arms around her knees which she had drawn to her chest. "I take sponge baths most of the time." She admitted and rested her chin on top of her knees as she turned her head to look at me. "I can only stand to take a proper bath or shower once a week and he…helps me get through it." She explained and I smiled softly, thinking of all the ways that Peeta and I helped each other through what would be considered mundane activities to anyone else but were sometimes painful reminders of the horrors we'd faced as tributes.

"How does he help you?" I asked turning towards her a little better and wrapping my arms around my own knees. I was shocked but tried to hide it when I saw a blush creep to Johanna's cheeks.

"You know…h-he…gets in with me usually…" She shrugged and I grinned and bit my bottom lip. "Not like _that_ he just holds me in the tub or sits outside the shower and talks to me to keep me calm." She said quietly but then the patented Johanna Mason wolfish grin appeared again and she lowered her voice. "Though he does help with the sponge baths sometimes too and that usually leads down some pretty fun roads." She teased and we both laughed.

"If you don't mind me asking…how do you and Peeta deal with the nightmares and his episodes and all that? I mean, I know you have the letter and you hang that on the door knob, but for the day to day stuff…" She asked and I smiled sadly and looked into the fire myself.

"Together." I said after a long time and turned my attention back to Johanna who was giving me a look that plainly said that my response had a strong effect on her gag reflex. "I'm serious Johanna…" I said kicking her foot gently again. "None of us can make it through this life or this…thing resembling a life we were all left with after the Games and the war and everything we've been through without a little help from someone who cares about us enough to put up with all of the horrors that come from being a victor." I said and smiled as I stood from the couch and stretched.

Johanna turned her attention back to the fire and nodded slowly. "I'll keep that in mind. Thanks…Katniss." She said and I smiled at her use of my name. "You going to bed?" She asked and I nodded towards the stairs.

"Yeah, Peeta usually can't fall asleep until I'm in bed with him." I said and shrugged. "Besides, I should probably make sure he really hasn't broken that holograph cube. It looked pretty expensive." I chuckled softly and Johanna smiled. "You going to bed?" I asked and Johanna smiled as she continued to look at the fire.

"In a little…I'm going to sit down here for a bit and…think some things through." She said and I handed her a blanket from the back of one of the fireside chairs.

"Thanks…" Johanna said taking the blanket from me and then looked up into my eyes. "And…thanks." She said again and I didn't need an explanation of what the second thank you was for.

I left the living room and headed upstairs to the room I was sharing with Peeta. I found him sitting cross-legged in the middle of our bed turning the hologram cube over and over in his hands and looking like he was about 6-years-old.

"Having fun little boy?" I asked dropping my clothes to the floor on my way to the bed and pulling a nightgown from the dresser on before climbing onto the bed beside him.

Peeta nodded excitedly and pushed a button which seemed to put the cube into some sort of a sleep mode before he placed it on the nightstand. He scooted back to the pillows so that I could pull down the comforter on the bed and we climbed under together.

"Tonight was nice…having dinner together like that…" Peeta said as I moved over to cuddle into his arms. "It was kind of like having a…a family again." He said and I leaned back to look at him puzzled. "No! No, I mean…I know _you're_ my family and…and your mom now and Haymitch…sort of…" he chuckled. "But it felt like having an extended family again." Peeta said stroking a hand up and down my back as we snuggled back into the pillows together to sleep.

I nodded and turned my head to kiss Peeta's lips softly. "It was...and it was kind of nice, wasn't it?" I asked and Peeta mumbled a 'mhm' against my lips. "Maybe we should make a point of inviting them all to District 12 a few times a year to visit?" I suggested and Peeta pulled back from our kiss and smiled down at me as he held my cheek in one of his hands.

"That sounds like a really nice idea." He whispered and kissed me again gently before tugging me back into his arms and guiding my head to his chest to sleep.

"Night Peeta, I love you." I whispered and kissed the spot over his heart before I closed my eyes.

"Night Kat, love you too." He whispered back and I fell asleep to the steady beat of his heart.


	26. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

I woke up in the morning with my face tucked into Peeta's neck to block out the light from the window that was hitting me right in the face. It only took me about 4 seconds to remember that I had woken up and shut the curtains around the bed at some point during the night and that they should _still be_ closed, before I sat up, ready to face an attacker.

My instincts kicked in when I sensed someone on my side of the bed leaning over looking at us and immediately grabbed them and flipped them head over heels straight onto the bed on top of mine and Peeta's legs.

"What…what the hell?!" Johanna said looking up at me from where she lay sprawled across the bed and Peeta sat straight up with a yell. When he realized what had happened as I was bashing Johanna across the face with one of the throw pillows, he groaned and flopped back on the pillows.

"What is _wrong_ with you Johanna?!" he bit out through gritted teeth as Johanna climbed to her knees laughing and moved up the bed. She dropped in between the two of us on her back and put one arm around my shoulders and the other around Peeta's.

"What's wrong with _me_?" She asked as we both frowned and folded our arms over our chests moodily. "What's wrong with _Brainless_?" She asked still laughing and wiggled her toes on top of the covers next to mine and Peeta's that were still underneath. "Here I was just trying to make sure you were both awake being as there's 2 hours until we have to be at this idiotic farewell luncheon, and I get attacked." Peeta and I both lifted our heads to look at the alarm clock which read 10 o'clock and Johanna moved her hands to the back of our heads where she, rather violently, mussed our hair.

"Soooo…hop to it, we gotta be ready by 11:30." She said scooting down to the end of the bed and then off on my side. Johanna didn't even look back over her shoulder as she left the room.

"Door locks, Katniss! Door locks!" Peeta groaned digging the heels of his palms into his eye sockets and thumping his head back against his pillow.

After the conversation I'd had with Johanna the night before, I couldn't help but laugh as I climbed out of bed to order us some breakfast.

We ate in bed, taking our time to enjoy the food and each other's company on our last morning in such lavish environment. As ridiculous as we found it to be for anyone to live in that kind of opulence for all of their lives, we both had to admit it wasn't all that bad to put up with it for a week.

After we ate and showered, Peeta put on the suit he'd worn for the welcome dinner along with a crisp whilte dress shirt but decided to forgo the tie, hoping that Effie wouldn't take it as a personal offense. I playfully assured him that being as the luncheon was taking place at midday, I thought she might just overlook the infraction this one time.

"I hope so, cause I'm not coming back up here to change again until it's to put on what I'm wearing for the drive home this afternoon." He smirked as he exited the bathroom where he had been brushing his teeth. I smiled at him in the full length mirror that I was standing in front of fixing a dangly earring underneath loose waves of hair.

I had changed into a simple black wrap dress with a neckline that revealed just enough cleavage for a young woman my age but not enough to let any of my burn scars show. I touched a small spot of scarred skin on the back of my neck at the hair line and realized with a start that while Annie had reacted slightly to Peeta's prosthetic leg, she hadn't seemed at all affected by the burn scars that weaved their way over mine and Peeta's bodies.

"Hey, you alright? You look very pretty ma'am…" Peeta whispered wrapping his arms around me from behind and kissing the spot of melted skin I had been idly stroking.

"Yeah…yeah I'm o.k." I said resting my arms over top of his where they were wrapped around my waist. "Just…realizing how much I'm going to miss our friends after seeing them every day for the last week." I sighed and held Peeta's gaze in the mirror. "Especially the baby. It's been a lot easier than I thought it would be to see him." I admitted quietly. "I thought it might be too hard what with how Finnick died and the responsibility I feel for that." I said quietly.

Peeta didn't even bother arguing with me as it was probably the thousandth time we'd had a similar discussion about the survivor's guilt that sometimes was so suffocating I found it actually difficult to breathe.

"Even Johanna?" Peeta whispered against my shoulder with a smile, trying to draw me out of the bad mood I was beginning to slip into.

I grinned and dropped my head back onto his shoulder and laughed lightly. "Sure, even Johanna."

I turned my head a little to capture his lips in a quick kiss and when we pulled back Peeta smiled down at me.

I didn't want to upset Peeta, especially since a large part of me really was very happy to be returning to 12 with him. But there was a smaller part, persistently gnawing at my gut and confusing me by saying that these people, Johanna, Effie, Annie and Zale, were all people I cared greatly for.

Not in the same way I (secretly) cared about Haymitch or my mother, or even the way I deep down still cared about Gale. Certainly not the same way I cared about Peeta, but it was a strange sort of longing all the same. I had spent so much of my life up to that point avoiding close relationships because of the way the government was run and because at any time one of my peers could be sent into the Games, or die of starvation, that I missed out on experiencing those feelings regularly like I guessed other people did.

This realization suddenly made me feel extraordinarily sad for Peeta who had loved everyone he knew so freely and wholly before the Games, and to think that most of them were dead and gone just filled me with such sorrow for him.

His parents. His two older brothers. The crowd of Town friends I had always seen him surrounded by in the halls at school.

I turned away from the mirror into Peeta's arms and I could feel his surprise when I hugged him tightly around the neck. "Kat…" he whispered in bewilderment and I shook my head and hugged his neck more tightly still.

"Sorry…sorry, I really am O.K. I promise." I said against his neck. "I'm just…really glad I'm going home with you today." I half lied as I pulled back and tried to smile up at him.

"Sure you're up for this luncheon? We could just stay here and hang out if you'd rather. Remember, they can't make us do anything we don't want anymore." Peeta reminded me with a smile and kissed my lips gently.

I nodded and offered him a reassuring smile. "Yeah, I'm up for it as long as you are." I said as we turned for the door. I didn't want to say that it might be our last chance to see our friends for a long time so instead I asked Peeta if we could drive Johanna, Annie and the baby to the train station on our way out of the city.

"Sure, I think they would probably really like that too." He said leaning over to kiss my cheek as we linked hands and headed out of the bedroom together.

The banquet wasn't really all that unbearable thankfully. The time for victors to be giving speeches had passed with the night of the interviews and all we really had to do was sit back and listen to Plutarch and President Paylor thank us for the honor of joining the country in celebrating our first year as a new democratic replubic.

"It is you who the people of this country looked to for the strength to rise up against the old regime," Paylor said looking over at all of the victors and it is you who they will continue to look to in the coming years for the strength to rebuild their own lives as you have begun to rebuild your own."

She briefly referred to what each of us had been doing with our lives in the last year based on what we had shared in our interviews and reminded all of the other attendees at the banquet that if we who had been so hideously mistreated by President Snow's Panem could be working toward an improved future under the new Panem, then that was what it meant to be a citizen of Panem. It meant picking yourself up off the ground no matter how far or hard you had fallen.

"Remember that under President Snow, we were _all_ truly tributes in the Hunger Games. Providing food, clothing, transportation and yes, entertainment to the rich while we and those we love starved. That a year later, we are all gathered here with one mind, one heart, one soul of new living, breathing, dare I say, thriving Panem just goes to show that whether we realize it or not…we are also _all _victors. Thank you all for helping us to celebrate the bright future ahead of our country this week. I know everyone is ready to eat and be on your way back to your homes, but before first I'd like to present each of the Hunger Games victors with the very first new flags of the country of Panem." Paylor said with a smile and we all stood as she and an attendant carrying a small pile of folded fabric came to stand in front of each of us and placed the new flag bearing my mockingjay pin into each of our hands.

"We ask that you return to your districts and fly these flags outside your homes as a symbol of hope to those around you. And let it be known that any citizen in the country need only seek out the mayor of their district to obtain one of their own beginning a week from today."

Everyone in the room erupted into applause as we all smiled and unfurled our flags to show to the crowd in the room. The applause grew tenfold as we all held up our flags for everyone to see. They were white with a red and blue mockingjay looking proud and determined in the center. I remember thinking that those colors looked good together on the new flag. Red, white and blue.

The smell of food being served to the tables began a whole new stirring of activity around the room and we ate between greeting visitors to our table who were respectful enough to wish us well and be on their way. I stayed quiet mostly, letting Peeta and the others do the majority of the talking while I preferred to do what I had always done best as a quiet outsider at school; I watched everyone else in the room.

Plutarch and President Paylor sat at our table with us, catching us up on new developments within the government structure which was really all any of us cared about knowing since we got to the Capitol for this event in the first place so we were very appreciative. Paylor told us that a citizen's bill of rights was being worked on and iron clad laws that would never allow for anything like the Hunger Games to ever be a part of our society again.

"Glad to hear that." Johanna chimed in for the first time during the meal and raised a glass to the president. "I'll believe it when I see it though, so if you don't mind my saying…hop to it." She smirked and I could see Paylor hiding a smile behind her napkin as she gently dabbed her mouth with it.

"I'll make sure copy number 00001 ends up in your hands Ms. Mason." She said sitting back in her chair and sipping her water slowly. Johanna nodded as if that's what she'd hoped for all along but I could tell she was impressed.

"Well, I do hope we were able to meet all of your needs while you were here and I hope that you'll consider visiting again to see the how we continue turning the Capitol into a place where you can feel safe." Paylor said standing from the table and we all stood as well out of respect. Since I'd met her in District 8, I'd found her to be a difficult person to read, but she was obviously touched by the gesture as she nodded to each of us before excusing herself to go mingle with the rest of the guests.

As we were all sitting back down to finish our meals, Peeta reached over to hold my hand under the table and leaned back in his chair. "So is everyone packed to leave?" He asked and Annie chuckled and switched the baby from one shoulder to the other as he began to squirm.

"Are you kidding?" she asked kissing the side of the baby's head as everyone turned their attention to her. "I started packing yesterday morning and I'm _still _not quite all packed up yet." She grinned and slid the baby to the crook of her arm. "It's amazing that someone so small requires so much….stuff…" she said and we all laughed quietly and watched as Zale blinked up at his mother and slowly fell asleep as she rocked him.

"What about you Johanna?" I asked and she shrugged.

"All my stuff is packed. The sooner I can get outta this place, the better." She said but not with the same conviction I usually heard from her when she was ragging on the Capitol.

She was obviously going to miss all of us too.

"Oh!" I said turning to both Annie and Johanna quickly. "Peeta and I were talking this morning and we wanted to see if you two…or I should say three…" I said smiling down at Zale. "would want to get a ride to the train with us." I offered looking between Johanna and Annie. "We have to drive past the station on our way out anyway so we just thought…" I said and shrugged. "We thought it would be nice to see you off." I finished and Johanna and Annie looked at each other a moment before Johanna shrugged, trying to look indifferent and Annie nodded excitedly.

"Of course, that would be wonderful!" She said happily and handed the baby to me trustingly. "And as his mother, I think I can speak for Zale when I say that he would love to have his Aunt Katniss and Uncle Peeta see him get onto the train to go home." She cooed and Zale snuggled into my shoulder and I held him close. I smelled his baby smell and listened to all of the wonderful little noises he made. I listened to them for myself to save in my memory for the time between that moment and the next time I would see him. I did all of those things for myself and then I did them all one more time for Finnick like I promised myself I would.

By the time we had packed up our camper again and Peeta and Haymitch had put all of Annie and Johanna's luggage in the trunk of our car for the ride to the train station, Effie was a mess of tears, Zale was an hour into his afternoon nap, and Haymitch was looking like he needed a weekend alone with his favorite bottles of liquor to deal with any more of the touchy feeliness he could clearly see was coming.

Johanna and Annie climbed into the back seat of our car and Effie and Haymitch rode in the limo with a driver though based on his reaction to Effie's tears, I felt Haymitch would rather have been strapped to the roof of our car than ride with her at that point.

The four adults in our car were quiet on the ride to the station and the sounds Zale made as he slept were the only noise to be heard.

I felt my throat tightening and my eyes threatening to water the closer we came to parting ways with our friends. I'll admit that part of it even made me wish for a moment to be that girl I was before the Games who cared only about going into the woods and bringing home food to keep myself, my mother and my sister alive. The girl who had only enough room in her heart for those whose well-being she was directly responsible for.

I remember thinking that this new co-dependence-on-others-for-the-betterment-of-my-s ocial-and-emotional-well-being thing, while Dr. Aurelius would probably turn cartwheels over it, was something I was finding really inconvenient now that I had to go home and leave the people who I had developed such strong bonds with.

Peeta must have sensed the change in my mood and he reached over to hold my hand on my knee as we pulled up in front of the station and all quietly climbed out of the car. Zale woke up as Annie handed him out to Peeta so that she could climb out of the back seat.

"Hey there buddy, nice nap?" Peeta asked shouldering the baby and rubbing his back gently. We all chuckled when Zale wobbily lifted his head and yawned while trying to get a look at Peeta. When his head proved to be too heavy to manage, he dropped it back to Peeta's shoulder with a grunt and snuggled into his neck cozily.

Annie obviously couldn't help herself and I felt her eyes slide over to me. She smiled in that way only mothers who find guys who are good with children can and I smiled back at her before going over to lay my head on Peeta's opposite shoulder so that I could see the baby's face over Peeta's chest. "Awww…you still sleepy?" I whispered and placed a hand on his back beside Peeta's and stroked softly. Peeta kept one of his hands on the baby's back, holding him against his shoulder and wrapped the other around my waist and hugged me close to him.

"Bye Zale, I hope I get to see you again soon." I whispered and kissed one of his chubby cheeks as he shifted his gaze between my face and Peeta's. I still couldn't get over how much he looked like his father. I felt Peeta tighten his arm around me as he leaned over to kiss the top of the baby's head lightly.

"See ya little man, love you." Peeta whispered and I couldn't help smiling as I thought again of how easily Peeta found it to find more and more room in his heart for loving people. I stroked the baby's cheek once more and he cooed and rubbed his face into Peeta's coat as Annie stepped over to take him back.

"We _will _see you soon, I promise." She said firmly through quiet tears. "You can come visit us any time and I'll be better about traveling with him once he's a little bigger."

I smiled and finally let my own tears fall as I stepped away from Peeta and hugged Annie tightly. "Absolutely, and we'll keep in touch on the phone and through letters." I said still holding her close.

Annie nodded and stepped aside to hug Peeta and I laughed softly when his ears turned red after she kissed him on the cheek. He frowned at me over Annie's head in a way that plainly said 'Stop! You're embarrassing me!' and I covered my mouth to keep from laughing and looked away from them.

The baby was passed around our group once more before the loud speaker on the platform beside us announced the arrival of their train.

"Well, I guess that's us." Johanna said shouldering one of her lighter bags that she obviously wanted to carry herself as the train attendants approached us and began carrying their other bags up the stairs to the platform. A series of bells began to ring and we heard the 'woosh' of the hovercraft-like train approaching from beyond the station building.

I didn't hesitate to hug Johanna just in case she slugged me for trying and I wasn't entirely surprised when she hugged me back. "Feel free to call whenever you're in need of some girl talk." She mumbled and I smiled as we pulled back to look at each other.

"Oh absolutely, three times a week at least." I teased and she started to laugh but stopped suddenly as the train slowly came to a stop and it's doors opened. I turned my head to look up on the platform when I heard her gasp. All I could see up there was a nice looking young man with short, dark hair that just fell over his forehead and a pair of black framed glasses sitting on his nose. He was looking around the platform and smiled widely when he spotted our little group.

"The _casual _boyfriend I assume?" I whispered and Johanna had the decency to blush before her own face broke out in a smile like I'd never seen on her before.

"Jaxson!" She yelled and let her arms fall away from me as she climbed the stairs two at a time, dropped the satchel she was carrying, and threw herself into his arms as he hopped off of the train.

I smiled at Peeta who had moved back over to stand with me and reached out to hold his hand. With one look around at our little group, I could see that Annie, Haymitch, and Effie all saw the same thing I did. Johanna was clearly head over heels in love with this man.

I leaned into Peeta's side as the pleasant looking man swung Johanna around in his arms happily and then kissed her silly before he set her back down on her feet.

"What are you doing here?!" She asked gripping the lapels of his coat and smiling up into his face.

"Thought I'd surprise you and ride back with you on the train. Surprised?" he grinned and looped his arms around her waist as he bent down to kiss her neck, her cheek and then her lips again.

"Oh…of course I am…this is…this is really great! Thank you." She said rising up on tip-toes to kiss him again.

Haymitch clearing his throat brought them out of the spell they had been under from the moment Jaxson had stepped off of the train and Johanna turned to all of us quickly.

"Oh, sorry…" she laughed and held his hand as they walked over to us. "Um…this is Jaxson, my…friend." She mumbled and Haymitch snorted.

"Wish I had a friend who greeted me like that every time I saw them." He quipped and Effie swatted his elbow and told him to behave.

As usual, Peeta was the first to step forward and shake his hand. "Peeta Mellark, nice to meet you Jaxson." He said with an easy smile. Jaxson smiled back and looked down at the ground between them briefly and I could tell he was trying not to laugh.

"Yeah, I…know who you are…it's really nice to meet you man." He said pumping Peeta's hand nervously. It still weirded me out sometimes to have total strangers react like that to meeting us. "And Katniss, I've heard a lot about you." He said holding his hand out to me next. "From Jo I mean, not from…well…before, I mean…I knew about you before I was with her obviously but I…she's told me a little about the time you two spent together in 13 and…I…" he was stuttering horribly and Johanna rolled her eyes.

"Okay, just…shut up and look pretty Jax." She teased and nudged him in the side with an elbow playfully to temper her words.

"All aboard!" The conductor called and Jaxson used the opportunity to excuse himself as he went to help pass the girls' bags onto the train. He nodded to each of us and said he hoped Peeta and I would come visit Johanna sometime.

"Of course we will." I smiled and shook his hand again. "It was nice to meet you Jaxson…I'm glad Johanna has you for a…_friend_." I said smirking at her and enjoying the opportunity to make her squirm a little for once in our relationship. Jaxson shook Peeta's hand again before he walked off toward the train. Johanna watched him go with a smile and when she turned back to me I was standing with my arms crossed over my chest and my eyebrows nearly reached my hair line.

"Casual, huh?" I asked with a sly smile and Johanna blushed again.

"Oh shut up, Brainless." She mumbled but then wrapped me in another tight hug. "Come visit sometime alright?" She said stepping back from me and looking Peeta over from head to toe. "Make sure you bring baker boy with you, I could use a little eye candy from time to time." She teased and made sure to slide a hand down and squeeze Peeta's ass when she hugged him and the three of us laughed.

"Come on Johanna, the baby's getting fussy and I want to feed him so that he isn't crying the whole ride back." Annie said, her eyes swimming in tears again. I looked down at the baby who wasn't fussy at all, and knew she just wanted to get into the privacy of her train car before she began to really cry herself.

Johanna nodded and lifted her bag back over her head and waved to us over her shoulder once more before they both climbed the steps to the platform and got on the train. Peeta stepped up behind me and wrapped his arms around me as we watched the doors close and heard the loud speaker announce the train's departure and then it was gone just as quickly and quietly as it came.

We stood watching the train pull away until it disappeared behind the mountains in the distance. When we could no longer see a trace of the tail car of the train, we turned back to the road and saw Haymitch leaning back against the door of the trailer attached to the car that would take us back to 12.

"Wow..." Peeta said as we walked back over to the car hand in hand. "Johanna Mason in love…how…" he waved his free hand in front of him, searching for the right word. "…bizarre…" he laughed as we came to stand in front of Haymitch. Effie stood just to Haymitch's left, her hands folded primly in front of her.

They both smiled at what Peeta said and I leaned in to poke Haymitch in the shoulder lightly with one stiff finger. He hated when I did that.

"So when does your train leave?" I asked and he swatted my hand away and shifted from foot to foot nervously. I noticed that he also cut his eyes briefly but obviously at Effie. Peeta must have noticed too because I felt him squeeze my hand subtly.

"Not until the morning." Haymitch said almost defensively and I looked between he and Effie suspiciously. I may have been only 19, but I recognized when 2 people were trying very hard to look anywhere but at each other. "Decided to hang around here another night. Anyway, you two won't be back for four days so I might as well get fed here for another night before I go home to eat leftovers until the pair of you are back." He said gruffly and Peeta raised a hand defensively.

"Easy, we only wanted to know when your train was leaving." He said stifling a laugh. Haymitch pushed away from the trailer and gave it a pat as he looked at each tire on the car to make sure they could all handle the ride home. We watched him walk all the way around the car, checking it over in a way that made my heart ache for my father who had died almost a decade before. Looking over at Peeta I could see that he was having a similar memory of his own father doting on him at some time in his childhood.

I caught Peeta's eye and we smiled sadly at each other as Haymitch came back to stand in front of us.

"Looks roadworthy." He grunted and pointed between the two of us. "Now don't forget, stop and sleep when you get tired. I know it's hard to imagine you might fall asleep while driving a car, but it happens more than you think." He said sternly and Peeta and I both gave him a smart assed salute. "I'm serious you two, be careful." He said without smiling.

"Yes, sir." We both said smiling and Haymitch waved a hand at us, calling us both hopeless as Effie rushed past him and suddenly pulled us both into a surprisingly strong hug.

It was still difficult sometimes in those days to think of Effie any differently than a Capitol escort we had watched pull children's names out of a bowl for our whole lives. She bubbled her way through our first Games with her as our escort as if they should have been the most exciting experience. She may have had her natural hair back and worn less flashy clothing and make up, but to us part of her was still Effie Trinket, District 12 escort.

Seeing her react that way to us leaving the Capitol did go a ways toward changing our opinion of her though and seeing as Haymitch had obviously changed _his_ opinion of her…greatly…made it easier to change our opinions too.

"Ooo…ooo…" Effie choked out dramatically through a voice roughed by tears. "I just…hope you both know how happy I am to see you and to know that you're together and you're…happy. That you were able to come here even though I'm sure it was, well, difficult to say the least is just…well it's marvelous."

She was holding Peeta and I so close that we could see each other's faces behind her head and we rolled our eyes slightly and each brought a hand up to pat Effie's back gently as we hugged her back.

When she finally released us, Peeta and I made a point of giving her our best bittersweet smiles as we pecked her on opposite cheeks and stepped back.

"Thank you, Effie." Peeta said giving her his best Peeta Mellark smile. "as always, we really appreciate that you were here to help keep us on schedule." He said and she smiled sadly and dabbed her wet eyes with a tissue.

"Why thank you, Peeta, it's been my honor to escort both of you here this week." She said with the same bittersweet smile. The way she said it though made me think she really believed it was _our_ honor to have her as an escort. Good old Effie. What would we do without her?

We both nodded and then looked up as the loud speaker came to life again and told everyone outside of the train station that the next train was due to arrive in 20 minutes. The interruption pulled the four of us out of the moment we were having by the car and Haymitch made one more round of the car to make sure everything was in working order while we said our last goodbyes to Effie and she climbed back into the limo that had brought her and Haymitch.

He met us at the front of the car and couldn't help but lift the hood to check the engine before letting either of us get in. "Give me a call when you get back, alright?" he said giving me a quick hug and patting Peeta on the shoulder.

"Sure, should be by Wednesday I think, though we might make it back a little quicker now that we know kind of where we're going." Peeta said and Haymitch nodded but insisted that we not rush. As Peeta and I both fought a chuckle, Haymitch scoffed irately at us and headed for the limo as we climbed into the driver and passenger seats of the car.

Peeta turned on the car and buckled his seatbelt as we prepared to head out on our journey back to 12. "You know, I'd find his overzealous safety checks annoying if they didn't make me feel so…" I was staring out the window watching the car holding Effie and Haymitch head back towards the part of town where we had been staying all week as I tried to find the right word. It turned out that I didn't need to find it because Peeta found it for me first.

"Loved?" he asked leaning over to buckle my seatbelt for me. When I turned my head to look at him, I glanced down at his hands securing my belt and back into his eyes and nodded. The echo of something Haymitch said once that always seemed to come back to haunt me popped into my head.

_You could live a hundred lifetimes and not deserve him, you know. _

"Loved." I repeated and leaned in to kiss him gently. Peeta's hand came up to hold my cheek lightly as he deepened the kiss. When he pulled back, I felt a little flutter in my heart at the look on his face. Loved was definitely the right word I had been looking for.

Peeta settled himself back into the seat and tapped his fingers against the steering wheel for a moment and then glanced over at me. "Ready to go home?" He asked and reached to flip on the guidance system.

"Absolutely." I said reaching across the seat for one of his hands which Peeta placed into mine without a second of hesitation.

The ride home did just as much to bring us closer as the ride to the Capitol had. We talked about old teachers from school we had together, greatly embellished stories we'd heard from classmates who had visited the slag heap, and even sang each other our favorite songs from when we were growing up.

Most of Peeta's were seemingly harmless songs riddled with profane innuendo that his brothers had taught him for their own amusement and mine were the songs my father had spent most of my childhood teaching to me.

As we lay in bed together in the trailer on the third night of our journey, Peeta asked me to sing the meadow song to him to help him fall to sleep.

"I…don't want to sing that one to you." I argued scooting back from his arms slightly. Peeta lifted his head from the pillow and frowned at me.

"Why not? A few days ago we sang our way through 2 full districts." He said smiling and leaned over to kiss my shoulder and then my neck lightly. I pulled back even further and shook my head, trying to let him know that he'd misunderstood.

"No, no…I mean, I just don't want to sing _that_ song to you. I'll sing something else though, how about the Valley Song?" I said trying to smile but Peeta clearly wasn't going to let me get away without explaining why I wouldn't sing Deep in the Meadow. I dropped onto my back staring up at the roof of the trailer and blew out my cheeks with a deep sigh.

"The last 2 people I sang that song to are dead." I said quickly. "That's why I won't sing it to you." The idea of singing that song to Peeta when Rue and Prim had been the last two people to hear it from me felt like signing his death sentence. My little sister and my Hunger Games ally. They were two of the last people I allowed myself to love before Peeta and they were both dead.

"Rue?" Peeta asked and I appreciated that he didn't make a move to come any closer to me. I did at least have the courtesy to turn my head and look at him though.

"And Prim." I whispered and shook my head as I turned my eyes back to the ceiling above me and pulled the covers up to my chin. I know it was silly and superstitious of me, but something just seemed so wrong about singing that song to Peeta who I loved and couldn't imagine losing like I'd lost Rue and Prim. I reached over under the covers and held his hand on the mattress which was my way of letting Peeta know that it was alright to hold me.

He reached over tentatively and tugged me back into his arms and brushed his lips over my forehead. "Hey, it's okay Kat." He whispered and rubbed his hands up and down over my back. I had worn sweats and one of his flannel shirts to sleep in but just like when we had driven to the Capitol, nighttime in the trailer was a chilly experience so I appreciated his closeness. "The Valley Song would be great." He assured me and I laid my head on his chest over the thermal shirt he was wearing and softly began to sing.

I sang and sang until I heard Peeta snoring gently and I lifted my head to see that he was sound asleep. I smiled and reached up to kiss him on the lips gently before I snuggled into his arms and fell asleep myself.

When I woke up in the morning it was because I was freezing cold and curled in the fetal position in the middle of the bed. I jerked awake before sitting straight up and looking frantically around the small trailer for Peeta. I wouldn't have reacted quite so violently to not having him right there with me under normal circumstances, but the sheets beside me were cold with no trace of his body heat on them to speak of.

Wherever he was, he hadn't been in the bed for quite some time. "Peeta?!" I called out with a mixture of panic and fear and scrambled off of the bed. I grabbed the handle of the bathroom door first and yanked it open, my eyes anxiously searching every inch of the tiny space.

"PEETA!?" I yelled and yanked a pair of boots on and grabbed a coat as I ran out the door and into a couple of inches of snow that had fallen overnight. I was pulling the coat on as I stumbled through the snow, looking wildly around the picnic area we had stopped at for the night.

When he didn't respond, I almost broke down in tears but somehow, my hunting insticts managed to find a way to take over and I noticed the faint outline of footprints that had about an inch of snow covering them.

I followed them with my eyes and then bolted for the car in front of the trailer I had just emerged from when I saw that they led to the back passenger side door. I couldn't see into the car because of the layer of snow that had covered it overnight so I pulled my hands into the sleeves, breathing heavily from the exertion of having run (okay, and a little from the panic of waking up without him too) and swept the sleeves of the coat over the window.

When I first saw what was inside, my heart dropped. A lump that I could barely identify as Peeta lay prone on the back seat, curled into a ball and not moving. "Peeta!" I yelled and started thumping on the window with my fists. I breathed a very, very brief sigh of relief when he startled and sat up suddenly, looking around for the source of the noise that had woken him with still sleepy eyes.

When he saw me he frowned and leaned over to unlock the door and I yanked it open and climbed into the backseat with him, touching all over his body under the two layers of coats he was wearing to make sure he was alright. "What the fuck are you doing out here?! It's freezing, you'll get sick!" I shouted right in his face even as I continued to check him over.

"Hey! W…will you stop screaming at me?!" He yelled back and pushed my hands away roughly. So roughly in fact, that I recoiled from him and scooted back until my back was pressed against the door I'd entered through. "I felt like I was going to have an episode s…so..so I came out here so I wouldn't hurt you!" He snarled and moved over against the other door, dropping his head into his hands. "You're welcome." He bit out sarcastically and I opened and closed my mouth a few times stunned.

"Oh…Peeta…" I started and reached a hand out towards him. He could hear the shifting of my coat as I moved and raised a hand.

"Don't….don't touch me, please Katniss…" he begged and I pulled my hand back reluctantly even though now that I knew what had happened, I wanted nothing more than to hold him. "Just…just go back to the trailer. I'll be there soon." He said and I was suddenly furious.

"Just go back to the trailer?!" I growled through bared teeth. "I…I…I wake up and realize you're _gone_ and I find you curled up and freezing in the car and you want me to just _leave_ you like that? Are you crazy?" I asked. I meant it to be a rhetorical question but Peeta's head snapped up and he glared at me.

"Yes, alright!" he roared and slammed his fists against the back of the driver's seat and the passenger seat he was sitting in. "I…I'm…fucking crazy, is that what you want to hear Katniss?!" He screamed and the tears that had been threatening to fall since I woke up without him began streaming silently down my cheeks.

"Peeta…you're not…" I started shakily but he cut me off.

"Yes I am, Kat! Non-crazy people don't have to risk…first degree frost bite because they can't sleep in a bed with their girlfriend without worrying that they might try to kill her!" He yelled and I reached out to grab ahold of one of his freezing hands despite his protests.

"Come here." I demanded and pulled him forward into my arms. Peeta raised his hands to my shoulders and tried to push away from me but I just pulled him closer and tightened my arms around him more.

"Let me go, Katniss!" Peeta growled and tried to raise his arms and break my hold on him but I just tightened them again and stubbornly told him no.

"Let go of me!" He howled and I could hear the tears in his voice as I tightened my arms like a vice and buried my head against his neck, whispering to him that it was okay, that I was there, that he would be alright.

I rocked him gently back and forth in my arms for longer than my senses told me was reasonable considering he could have been on his way to a full blown episode, but I could tell he was freezing and needed to get back inside the trailer.

"Peeta, come on, you need to get back inside and get warmed up." I begged him and he shook his head and curled more tightly into himself. "Damn it, Peeta, you're freezing, you need to get inside." I murmured brusquely rubbing his arms and back to try and get the blood flowing through his body. "Why didn't you just wake me up when you first started feeling off? We could have talked about it and…" He lifted his head from where it was pressed against my chest and glared at me.

"and what?" he snapped. "wake you up so that I could maybe try to strangle you?! Or maybe this time I would just snap your neck instead." He was heaving for breath, his eyes wild but not the kind of wild they were when he was having a true hijacking episode. "or there's always the one where I beat you to death, or stab you over and over and over again with a knife…"

"Stop!" I snapped at him between sobs. It was bad enough to know that Peeta still thought about killing me, it was a thousand times worse to hear him describe the ways he'd imagined doing it.

"No Katniss, _you_ stop!" He cried burying his face in his hands. "Stop acting like this is no big deal and like we can just 'talk through it' when you know full well, that even being in the same room as me when I'm having an episode is dangerous. Just…just leave me alone, I'll come in soon." He said turning around in the seat to face away from me which broke the hold I had on him.

"No." I said folding my arms across my chest. "You're coming in with me. You aren't having an episode, I can tell by your eyes. And right now, I'm more worried about you freezing to death in the back of this car than I am about anything you might do to me if I make you go inside the trailer."

I could see that he was torn over what to do which meant that he really must have been extremely cold. I briefly wondered how long he had been in the car but I knew even in the few minutes I'd been in it I had begun to feel the cold.

"Alright, fine…but just…just stay away from me. Please?" The first part sounded angry but when he said please his voice broke and I knew he desperately wanted to make sure he didn't do anything to hurt me.

I nodded and opened my door, sliding out and putting my feet down in the snow. I waited until I saw Peeta climbing out of the car before I ran to the trailer and threw the door open. I threw my coat off and rushed to the bed where I began pulling blankets out from under it and covering the bed with them.

I was just placing the throw I'd taken from our bedroom at home on top of the pile when Peeta stomped in through the door and pushed it shut behind him. He coughed a few times in just the few steps it took for me to get to him.

"Katniss, Please…" he said holding his hands up, silently asking me to keep my distance. I folded my arms around myself and nodded even though it was nearly impossible for me to not help him when I knew he was both physically and mentally hurting. I had to settle for watching him pull off the two coats he was wearing followed by boots and one pair of socks which were obviously covering a few additional layers.

"Come on, get into bed and warm up." I said nodding towards the bed and going to the sink to start a pot of hot chocolate for him. Peeta didn't say anything, just coughed on his way to the bed and climbed under the piles of blankets. I glanced over at him occasionally as I was making the hot chocolate and could see that he was still visibly shaking from the cold but I kept my mouth shut, not wanting to make the situation any worse.

That was the worst part of Peeta's episodes, or in that particular case, near episodes; not being able to do anything to help him when he was having them because it would only cause him greater grief.

The whistle on the hot water kettle had just begun to blow when I looked over again to see Peeta _still _shaking underneath the covers. His eyes were squeezed tightly shut so I quietly slid the tea kettle off of the heat and crept over to my side of the bed. I watched him for a few moments, debating whether I was going to care or not that he Peeta was going to be mad at me for what I was about to do and finally decided that the good outweighed the bad for the moment.

I quickly started pulling off my clothes until I was left in my bra and panties and then lifted the blankets and climbed into bed, snuggling up to him closely. Peeta's eyes popped open and he looked at me in complete bewilderment, lifting the covers to see that I was undressed.

"Seriously?! _Th…this_ g-gets you in the m-mood?!" he asked in such an appalled tone that I almost burst out laughing. Instead I just shook my head and reached for the hem of the sweatshirt he was wearing.

"No, Peeta, this definitely does _not _get me in the mood." I mumbled dryly and pulled the shirt over his head and tossed it away. "Sharing body heat is the fastest way for us to get your core temperature back up to normal though so take your clothes off." I said sternly and Peeta didn't argue, just quickly pulled his undershirt off next followed by his pants.

"You can leave your socks and underwear on." I said reaching out tentatively for him and gasping when he shifted over to let me wrap my arms around him. I had been right, he was absolutely freezing. "Oh, Peeta…" I whispered and pressed my lips to his forehead as I rubbed my hands up and down his back, sides and arms, still trying to get the warm blood flowing through him faster so that we wouldn't risk him developing hypothermia.

"I'm sorry, Kat…I'm so sorry." He murmured over and over against my collar bone and I just shushed him and continued to try and warm him up. It took almost 10 minutes to get his body to stop shaking completely and another 10 before his skin started feeling warm to the touch in the places I had been rubbing.

"Shh…it's okay Peet." I whispered when he kept repeating that he was sorry. "Shh.." I said soothingly and rolled to my back slightly, pulling him along so that he was lying partially on top of me. "I love you, it's okay." I said and Peeta lifted his head slightly and opened his eyes to find they were right in line with mine.

"I'm sorry." He said again, but more clearly this time and I knew he was back completely.

I smiled sadly and lifted my chin so that I could kiss his lips which were still slightly cold to the touch and reached for his hand between us and rubbed them between both of mine to warm up his fingers. As I did, Peeta's hands which had been balled into fists started to open slightly and I could feel that he was clutching something in his right one.

I looked into his eyes and he sighed and opened his hand all the way revealing the small wooden X laying on his palm. "I couldn't find anything to hang it on in the car and I…I didn't think you'd see it anyway with the snow…" he trailed off and I took it from him and tossed it on the floor with our clothes.

"You're okay now, I trust you." I whispered and kissed his lips and then each of his eyelids in turn so softly that I was surprised he felt it. He obviously had though because whether in response to my words or my kisses, he suddenly rolled his full weight on top of me, pressing me into the mattress urgently.

"Katniss…" he moaned and nipped at my neck and shoulder on one side as he began grounding his hips into mine. We hadn't made love since Friday morning in the Capitol and it was Wednesday morning. We would have been home by nightfall most likely but just like Peeta, I wasn't interested in waiting another second after the ordeal we'd just been through much less until we were home in District 12 that night.

"Yes…go on…" I gasped and reached down for his shorts as I felt his hands going behind my back to unhook my bra. His fingertips were still a little cold from being in the elements for so long and I smiled when I realized they must also have been a little numb because it took him longer than usual to pop the clasp. When he did finally get it though, we pushed away his boxers and my bra and squirmed against one another desperately.

"I'm so sorry, baby." He whispered through jagged breaths beside my ear and I nodded, pressing my chest up against his and wrapping my arms around him, stroking my fingernails up and down the length of his back as he began to thrust his hips against me through my panties with an almost careless need I only saw from him when he'd been fighting the demons that prowled behind his eyes.

I raised my hips in time with his thrusts and we both panted and moaned against each other's lips. I could feel a powerful orgasm building below my waist and I cried out when Peeta's head dipped to my chest. He peppered kisses in the space between my breasts and circles each nipple with his tongue and I realized he was set on giving me my orgasm first before he took care of any of his own needs.

"Ohhh…PEETA!" I cried out when he gently closed his teeth around one hardened peak and slid the length of his erection against my clitoris through my quickly dampening panties. It took my breath away that he was this excited and still able to think of my needs first and that was what pushed me over the edge.

I arched my back straight off of the mattress into Peeta as I felt that wonderful sensation of a tightly coiled spring being released inside of me. Knowing that we were completely alone lowered my inhibitions greatly and I screamed his name as I came.

When I finally came back to my senses, I briefly worried that I may have blacked out from the intensity of my release and found Peeta smiling down into my eyes lovingly.

"Hey…" I whispered lazily raising an arm so that I could stroke his cheek. "…a…apology accepted." I grinned and reached down to hold his shaft in both hands, stroking slowly with one hand and following it up with the other as I worked to bring him the same kind of pleasure he had just brought to me.

Peeta smiled down at me and then slowly rolled to his back when I started touching him. I kissed his chin, his neck and across his shoulders, nipping at his skin with my teeth lightly as I did. If possible, I felt him grow even harder in my hands and I started to slide down his body toward my goal where I planned to bring him his own release.

"N..no…" Peeta grunted, tugging me back up to be eye level with him. "I wa…I _need _to be inside of you…right now." He gasped and I nodded quickly and let go of him as he was reaching for my panties. Peeta continued to kiss my chest as he tugged the underwear down my legs and pushed them aside. I raised my knees and let my legs fall open invitingly and Peeta kneeled between my legs and wrapped his arms around the bends behind my knees as he lined his hips up with mine.

I watched him as he bit his lip and moaned as just the tip entered me first and we both cried out when he thrust into me in one quick, hard motion and then collapsed forward against me. "Shit, Katniss." He groaned, holding still to try and let me adjust to him. I knew he was extremely close already so I held still, letting him catch his breath a moment before he dropped his hands flat on the mattress beside my shoulders and then I slowly raised my hips to let him know I wanted him to start moving.

"Go on…it's okay sweetie." I whispered and kissed his head beside one sweaty sideburn. I felt Peeta nod and then he dropped his face to my neck, pressing soft kisses there as he slowly began to pump his hips in and out of me. I wasn't surprised to feel that same coiling building in my belly again and I knew Peeta could sense it when he began moving faster and faster in response to the noises I was making.

"Katniss…" he grunted, rocking faster and harder into me than I could remember and I wrapped my arms around his torso, holding him down to me as we simply rocked back and forth against each other and I felt that inner rubber band snap gloriously again just as Peeta stilled inside of me and I felt the rush of warmth that came with his orgasm.

He collapsed on top of me and we remained joined long after I felt him soften inside of me, neither of us wanting to break the spell of the moment. I stroked my nails lightly up and down his back soothingly and shifted my hips slightly when him being inside of me finally started to feel uncomfortable. Peeta took the cue and lifted his hips from me which caused a groan to rise out of the two of us and he moved only enough to drop his hips down onto the mattress. He dropped his head to my shoulder and I turned onto my side to hold him close as we basked in the afterglow of our encounter.

"Feeling better?" I asked reaching up to brush his sweaty bangs back from his forehead. Peeta smiled slowly, his eyes still closed and nodded.

"Can't say I feel cold anymore." He murmured sleepily and I touched his cheek and he opened his eyes. "I do feel a little embarrassed though." He said dropping his eyes to my pearl necklace which he reached out to toy with nervously. "I'm sorry I yelled at you…and…and spoke to you the way I did." He whispered and I shook my head and kissed his face beneath one eye.

"You were just trying to protect me. I understand that." I shrugged. "Just so long as you understand that trying to protect _you_ is what I'm doing when I come after you during something like that…" I said propping my head up on one elbow and looking down into his face. "I love you Peeta. I can't be expected to act rationally when I know you're in pain." I said softly. "I can accept the harsh way you talk to me when you're worried about an episode coming on, if you can accept my complete inability to stay away from you without being physically restrained when you feel an episode coming on." I said with a sad smile and Peeta lifted his head and and the arm that he had thrown across my torso and smiled back at me as he ran his fingers through my hair.

"Deal?" I asked turning my head to kiss his wrist beside my face.

"Deal." He said and leaned in to kiss my lips gently. "We should probably get up and start getting ready to leave if we want to be home before dark." He said reluctantly climbing out of the bed and going over to the open bathroom door.

"Wanna try and squeeze in there together?" he teased nodding toward the shower. I smiled and pulled the covers up around me better shaking my head.

"No, you go on. Just save some hot water for me okay?" I asked and he nodded and smiled shyly at me once more before he stepped into the bathroom and I heard the shower turn on.

I let my own smile falter just a little as I raised the pearl on my necklace to my lips and began rolling it back and forth gently and wondered if there would ever be a time in our lives when we could be happy every day without worrying that the horrors of our past were waiting to pounce whenever they liked.


	27. Interlude 5

Interlude 5

_Peeta_

In my dream I'm in the meadow just outside of District 12 spending a lazy day with my family. Bow and Finnick chase each other, hiding behind patches of long grass and wildflowers, giggling happily. Katniss and I are on a blanket together and she has her head resting in my lap, laughing at my insistance that I am practicing my knot making as I play with her dark, sun-warmed hair.

My eyes pop open suddenly and I'm back in mine and Katniss' bedroom sprawled out on the big comfy chair Katniss used for nursing the kids when they were babies. Haymitch is standing at the bottom of the ottoman looking at me as I slowly bring my arms up to wrap around my little girl. Bow is still asleep with her head on my chest, her arms and legs hanging over either side of my torso, and the remains of my lunch have fallen to the floor beside the chair.

I yawn and nod to Haymitch, mumbling an apology for not letting him know that Bow stayed here with me.

"Figured she got…held up." Haymitch whispers with a sad smile and looks at Bow who snorts and turns her body so that she is curled up against my chest. When I glance up at Haymitch again, he is looking towards the window obviously trying to keep his emotions in check. It is moments like this that remind me why Katniss and I have remained so close with him throughout the years and why we consider him a part of our family.

"Daddy…" She mumbles in her sleep and pushes herself up so that her head is under my chin. I don't even bother making an excuse for myself to Haymitch because from the way he is looking at me, he knows sending her right back home after she brought me lunch was never an option.

"Shh…it's okay." I whisper and rub Bow's back gently as Haymitch moves to stand right beside the chair. Glancing at the open bedroom windows, I see from the position of the sun that Bow and I have been sleeping for at least a couple of hours if not longer. "Katniss send you over to get her?" I ask quietly and Haymitch shakes his head.

"She's still asleep, Finn too. I thought I should come over and get her before the boy wakes up and figures out Bow was over here." He explains and I nod even though I wish he could let me keep her for a just a little bit longer. I wish that I could see Finn too, but at least Bow is old enough that separation anxiety isn't something we have to worry too much about. Finn is still smack in the middle of that phase and I'm afraid that if he saw me now, we'd have to enact the emergency alert system for all of District 12 in preparation for the meltdown he'd have.

As I climb off of the chair carefully and gently transfer Bow from my arms to Haymitch's, I ask him to let her know I gave her lots of kisses before he took her back to his house. I can tell Haymitch is trying to avoid direct eye contact with me so I know I must still have the tortured, hijacked look in my eyes. If nothing else, it at least confirms for me that I am doing the right thing in sending my family to his house for the night.

"I'll do you one better." Haymitch grins and lifts a small plate he's been holding behind his back on the side he isn't holding Bow. The items on the plate are covered in plastic wrap that is mashing the frosting piled on top of them slightly but I can still make out a pair of chocolate cupcakes from a batch I made a few days ago.

"I'll give these to them when they wake up and tell them they're from you." He says holding the large cupcakes up for me to look at. "Their dinners will be good and spoiled, and I can blame it on you so that I don't get in trouble with your wife." He smirks and I smile and glance out the open bedroom window.

It's only mid afternoon and I'm already dreading facing the dark of night without my family safe and sound at home in their beds. Instead of thinking about it any more than that, I grab a bag from the closet and pack something for Katniss to sleep in and a change of clothes for her for tomorrow. Haymitch follows me silently, still holding Bow on his shoulder as we head into each of the children's rooms and I pack clothes for both of them.

Just as I'm heading back to the door of Bow's bedroom, I stop when I see her favorite doll lying at the foot of her bed. I pick it up and turn it over in my hands, remembering the day Katniss' mother gave it to Bow when she first came home from the hospital as a newborn baby and then I place it in the bag as well because I know she needs it to sleep at night.

"Let me just grab Finn's blanket…" I mumbled slipping past Haymitch in the hallway to head back into my son's room. "He needs it for bedtime and Bow's dolly is in here for her." I explain and catch a shadow of pity in Haymitch's face as I pass him.

"Don't look at me like that." I snap and he has the decency to drop his eyes to the floor as he steps back to let me by. Haymitch of all people can understand why I hate being looked upon with pity so it makes me especially mad when he's on the giving end of it with me.

As I'm exiting Finn's bedroom stuffing the blanket into the last remaining cubic centimeter of space into the overnight bag, I stop as Bow groans and rubs her face into Haymitch's neck before lifting her head.

"Daddy?" She asks groggily and rubs her eyes and yawns. She looks at Haymitch first and her little brows furrow in confusion before she realizes they aren't alone in the hallway and she smiles sleepily at me.

"Daddy." She says reaching her arms out to me, but I don't take her because I know if I do, I won't ever be able to let her go. Instead, I gently slip the overnight back over her head so that the straps cross her chest and press a kiss to her cheek.

"It's okay baby, Paw-paw just came over to get you and take you back to his house before Mommy and Finn wake up." I say and I can see she is trying really hard to keep her emotions in check so I start to ramble. "I…I put your dolly in here, and you can give Finn his blanket so he sleeps tonight."

Bow just nods and lays her head back on Haymitch's shoulder without a word and I know that she's upset that I'm sending her away again. "Be good for Mommy tonight, okay?" I say and reach out to brush her hair back from her face gently. "And Paw-paw too if you feel like it." I wink and she offers me the hint of a smile but nothing more.

"Okay, off we go." Haymitch says turning and heading for the stairs as I'm sure he's recognized that Bow is barely holding on to her emotions at this point. I follow them as far as the top step and my heart breaks a little when I see Bow turn her head into Haymitch's neck so that she can't see me as he carries her down the steps.

"I'll give you a c-a-l-l once everyone is down for the night." Haymitch shouts up to me from the bottom step. I smile for the first time since I woke up when Bow lifts her head and looks right into his face.

"You spelled 'call' Paw-paw, I spell _reaaaaally _good." Bow says still sounding sleepy and Haymitch frowns and rolls his eyes at her before giving me the 'man is she like her mother' look that has become more common in our family the older Bow has gotten.

"Yes, yes…terrific for you." He grunts and I shake my head when I hear him telling her it's more grammatically correct to say 'really _well_' not really 'good' just before the front door slams shut behind them.

I continue to smile until the crushing silence of a house without my children's laughter and my wife's playful teasing reminds me that I will spend this night with only the thought of hopefully holding them in my arms again soon to help me fight off the nightmares I know will be coming tonight.

I cast a glance at the children's bedroom doors and return to my room to try and get as much sleep as I can before night.

_Katniss_

I was in the middle of a wonderful dream that I honestly didn't even care I _knew_ was a dream. Peeta and I were sitting on the bank of what our children now refer to as 'our lake' since most of the district enjoys their summer at community pools that have popped up here and there in the new Panem and rarely found reason to venture out to the lake in the woods. Part of me wonders if they aren't still a little afraid to go into the woods that were forbidden for so much of our lives here.

Our children splash and play in the shallows together, naked and innocent as the day they were born. In my dream, Peeta and I keep a watchful eye on them from the large rock we usually lie on to dry off after we've been swimming. Peeta is sketching the kids on a large drawing pad and I am working on stringing two bows which I will use to teach our children how to shoot.

In the dream, Peeta never lost his left leg and our skin is untouched by the fire from the explosion that killed Prim…because that explosion, and the war that saw us worming our way through the Capitol streets, losing more friends than I care to remember, never was.

"Katniss! Are these the berries you said were okay to eat?" Her voice doesn't startle me in the dream, because in the dream world I've built inside my head over the years, Prim never died in that fire at the Capitol either.

I am just turning my head to inspect the berries dream Prim is holding out to me from where she has just emerged from the forest behind me and Peeta when I'm jolted out of my dream as my son's big toe digs into my cheek. My eyes pop open and I see that Finn has squirmed around during his nap to the point he is upside down on the bed, hence the foot in my face.

I'm only sad for a moment about not finishing the dream because I know it will visit me again soon as it does so almost weekly. I'm also only sad for a moment because I can't possibly be sad for long when the sight I'm met with as a lift my head is my son spread eagle on the bed beside me with one foot in my face and the other resting lightly on my stomach.

I take a moment to look him over during a rare moment where he's not moving and try to memorize each one of his features at the exact age he is right this second. He favors Peeta in so many ways from the mop of shaggy blonde hair on his head to the way he is sucking his thumb steadily in his sleep. The parts that are me, his slate gray Seam eyes, blink open as I trace a finger over the curve of his chubby little belly.

"Mom-mee." He whispers hoarsely as he rubs his eyes and sits up. "Go see Da-dee?" he asks and points to the bedroom door.

I look into Finn's sad gray eyes and sigh before I pull him back over into my side on the bed. "He's still not feeling well baby." I whisper and kiss his soft hair. "We're going to have a sleepover at Paw-paw's tonight. How bout that?" I ask trying to sound excited but I think Finn is smart enough to know fake enthusiasm when he hears it. I give him a second to run the idea of sleeping at Paw-paw's over in his head and in response, he just grunts and reaches for the pearl around my neck.

"I want my Da-dee." He whimpers and I tell him that I do too before we take turns kissing the pearl. Finn scoots up and places his head on my shoulder with a shuddering breath. I pat his diapered bottom for a few minutes as we just lay here trying to make each other feel better when I hear little footsteps charging up the stairs and know Bow must be up from her nap as well.

Finn lifts his head from my shoulder and smiles when Bow gently pushes the bedroom door open and slips inside.

"Sissy!" he yells excitedly and sits up on his knees holding his arms out to Bow. She giggles and runs full tilt to the end of the bed and leaps up with us, tackling Finn to the mattress and rolling across the bed into my side with him squealing.

"Ooo! Be careful, careful Bow." I scold lightly and sit up so that I don't end up taking Bow or Finnick's head to the gut. "He just woke up, let him get his bearings before you start brutalizing him." I say but smile as I watch them rough house together. Bow brings out the big guns and starts tickling Finn's neck which, like his father, is his most ticklish spot. Finn is able to stand about 30 seconds of this before he bursts into tears and starts trying to push her hands away.

I already know what's coming next and I start shaking my head even before the indignant 'Mama!' can leave Finn's mouth.

"No way," I say as Finn climbs into my arms in hopes that I will protect him. "You wanted to play rough with your sister." I chuckle as he huffs and flops down on the bed beside me on his belly and calls out for Haymitch, looking for some sympathy.

"Paw-paw will tell you the same thing." I assure him and he rolls onto his back and kicks his feet in the air saying his favorite word.

"Nnnnno!"

I can't help but laugh softly which just ticks him off more and Finn squirms down off the bed and starts for the door. If only we'd known how appropriate his name would be when we first gave it to him, Peeta and I might have taken a different means to honor our dead friend because our son is sincerely the most finicky child I've ever come across.

"Finn, go try the toilet before you go downstairs with Paw-paw!" I call after him and by the way he picks up speed when he reaches the door, I know he's not interested in listening to me in the slightest. "Finnick…" I warn and hear him giggling over the gentle slap of his bare feet against the wooden steps as he hurries downstairs.

Bow giggles too but covers her mouth to try and hide it from me and I shoot her a disapproving look. "Big help you are." I tease and reach over to tickle her belly which makes Bow laugh harder as she rolls onto her back beside me and I sit up and cross my legs in front of me.

"Did you have a good nap when you got back from taking Daddy his lunch?" I ask leaning over to kiss Bow's cheek. Pulling back, I can see that Bow has her 'busted' face on and I frown, assuming that she is about to confess to me that she didn't take one. I wouldn't be surprised if I'm being honest. She is getting a little old for naps and I know leaving Haymitch in charge usually leads to the kids manipulating him into allowing things Peeta and I never would (yet another thing my mother claims is written in the grandparents bill of rights).

I am, however, surprised by what she confesses to instead. "I didn't take a nap here, I took a nap with Daddy." She rushes out in one breath and I smile sadly but say nothing to scold her.

"How's Daddy doing?" I ask and once Bow realizes she isn't in trouble, she moves behind me to play with my braid.

"Okay." She says with a shrug and unties my hair and begins running her fingers through the pieces of the braid so that it splays out across my back. "He napped too." She says simply and I close my eyes and lean my head back as she plays with my hair. I think sometimes that my daughter would make the kind of stylist Cinna would be proud of. "But…but I think I did something wrong…" She says in such a tiny voice that I know she is about to cry.

My children are not generally criers which makes the amount of crying they've each done today magnify how obviously affected by Peeta's episodes they both are.

I turn around and take Bow's hands, rubbing my thumbs over the back of them to try and calm her down.

"Oh, baby…Why do you think that?" I ask gently and reach one hand out to touch her chin and I tilt her face so that I am looking into her watery blue eyes. The concern that must be written all over my face makes the tears fall down her cheeks and she is suddenly crying so hard that she's making no noise.

I pull her up onto my lap and rock her like a baby, rubbing her back and whispering soothing nonsense words to try and settle her enough to find out what happened at our house.

"Bow," I say stroking her hair back from her face and looking down into her eyes. "Take deep breaths, deep breaths." I whisper and she finally starts trying to settle herself. It seems to work and I hold her cheeks in my hands and ask her to try telling me again.

"I..I…I asked Daddy if I could stay with him and i…it made him s-sad…" She finally manages to choke out and I hug her close. At barely 5 ½ Bow isn't emotionally mature enough to make a distinction between all of the different emotions an adult can be feeling about a particular situation and so she has automatically assigned herself the blame for the sadness her father felt when she told him she wanted to stay with him.

"Oh, Bowie, Daddy was sad because he _wanted _you to stay with him, not because he didn't want you there." I say and she starts crying again and tells me that he said she 'was killing him'. "Poor choice of words, Peet." I mumble to myself and roll my eyes as I rock Bow in my arms again. I know he's not in his right mind at the moment, but I have to make it a point to tell Peeta that saying 'you're killing me' to our five-year-old daughter probably isn't the best course of action to take if this happens in the future.

I can't stand to see my usually bright and bubbly daughter so unhappy so I try to think of something to redirect her from the sadness she feels.

"Bow, wasn't Daddy happy while you were there though?" I ask when she settles down again. Bow nods slightly and wipes her eyes with the backs of her hands and sits up a little in my lap and reaches for the pearl. I brush back her hair from her face and wait patiently for her to continue which she does after rolling the pearl around on the chain a few times.

"W…we snuggled in the mommy chair and Daddy ate all of his lunch." She says quietly and then smiles. "I ate a piece of Daddy's apple and then we talked about what we'll do when he feels better." I smile when I recognize this as something _my_ Peeta would definitely do with our children to console them. I guess he's redeemed himself slightly from the 'you're killing me' comment.

"Oh yeah? What did you two decide you're going to do?" I ask tickling her bare feet and she giggles.

"Not just me and Daddy, silly, _all_ of us!" she says and reaches out to play with the pearl on my necklace. "We're going to go to our lake and swim, and to see Maw-Maw, and to the bakery to make a cake for Daddy's birthday." She says ticking each item off on the fingers of the hand not playing with my necklace.

"All in the same day?!" I gasp pretending to be appalled at such a busy schedule to pack into the day after Peeta feels better again. Bow giggles again and rolls her eyes at me in exactly the same way her father does when he knows I am making a joke at his expense and she reaches up to hold my face between her chubby hands.

"No Mommy, one thing every day until Daddy's birthday!" She says and looks towards the door before cupping her hands around my ear to share a secret. I feel a pang in my chest as I think of Peeta and how if he were here right now, he would be pouting at the two of us for being left out of the 'girl talk'.

"I'm doing a painting for Daddy for his birthday, but _don't_ tell him, okay?" She says and I nod sincerely. Bow takes her paintings very, very seriously and she hates for anyone to see them before she is able to properly (and a bit dramatically) unveil them.

We obviously recognize that her talent for art is beyond that of a typical child her age, but we also want our children to be humble. Peeta only hangs certain paintings of Bow's around the house and he has started giving her lessons on how to bring out the best of her own artistic style which varies a little from Peeta's.

Bow, who idolizes her father, hangs on his every word when he is teaching her and it is in those moments watching them together that I'm so very glad I came to my senses and decided to have children with Peeta. It's the same feeling I have when I take her into the woods and teach her about plants and animals or when I teach her to swim in the same waters I learned in as a child. It's the feeling I have when I see Finn notice that Peeta is acting withdrawn in the way he only does when he feels an episode coming on and my sweet little boy climbs into his arms for a well-timed snuggle.

We head downstairs hand in hand and feeling better in general after talking about the happier plans Bow has in mind for when the X is gone. It is as if Bow planning these events has reminded us both that this episode won't last forever and we will eventually have our husband and father back.

"Yayyy!" I hear Finn screeching from the kitchen and look down at Bow with a mixture of appreciation that her brother is no longer sulking and/or crying his eyes out, and fear that whatever has him so revved up is courtesy of Haymitch and located on that list I mentioned of things Peeta and I would never allow our children to do.

Bow makes a face that tells me she's basically having the same thought as we round the corner into Haymitch's kitchen and come face to face with the truth of that fear.

"Mom-mee! Look a cut-cake!" Finn chirps happily from where he's perched in his high chair. I hear Bow trying to stifle a giggle beside me as I take in the sight of my son with his face covered in chocolate and one of the last of the giant cupcakes Peeta made a few days ago sitting in pieces on his tray. They lasted pretty well since we had been cutting them into thirds and allowing the kids to have one third of a cupcake at lunch and another at dinner.

From what I can see of the remains of a cupcake that have been smeared all over Finn's head, face and chest…he's eaten one of the large cupcakes in its entirety.

I close my eyes and sigh, thinking about just what ramifications I will have to face tonight now that Finn has had a long nap and Haymitch has given him a cupcake with enough sugar that I would liken what I think it will do to my toddler to what would happen if an adult drank 10 cups of coffee.

"Haymitch…" I sigh and close my eyes, already thinking about Finn being awake all night after the day we've had so far. When I open my eyes Haymitch is grinning proudly from his seat at the table where he is halfway through his own giant cupcake and see another one waiting at Bow's seat for her. "First of all…you need to either hose him down in the backyard or bathe him because I'm not going to…second, I hope you haven't had a lot of…"I glance down at Bow who is looking at her brother shaking her head and trying to look stern for my sake. "… 'special juice' today because _when_ they are both up until 3 a.m., _you _will be the one awake with them." I say folding my arms over my chest.

Haymitch sits back in his chair with a smile and nods toward my house. "Peeta sent them over for them." He says innocently. "I told him it was a bad idea, but he insisted." He assures me with a helpless shrug and I narrow my eyes at him knowing that there is absolutely no way Peeta has sent these cupcakes to the children knowing that I would be without his help tonight.

"They're from Daddy!?" Bow says excitedly and grabs my hand, looking up at me pleadingly. "Can I have mine, please Mommy!?" She asks hopping up and down and I glare at Haymitch who is chuckling as he eats.

He knows I can rarely deny Bow anything and since I've already forewarned him that he will absolutely be in charge of the kids if they do in fact spend the night hopped up on sugar, I tell her to go ahead. "Just try not to cover yourself in icing like your brother did…" I sigh and walk over to the highchair where I bend down and kiss Finn's cheek, nibbling on a bit of chocolate frosting on his jaw as I do and making him squeal with laughter.

"Seriously, clean him up." I say raising my eyebrows at Haymitch as Finn happily smears more chocolate onto his head. As he does this, it makes his hair color closer to mine and Bow's than Peeta's.

"Sure, sure…" Haymitch says around a mouthful of cupcake and nods at Finn. "Just…let him finish his treat, he's enjoying himself." He argues and I scoff.

"Of course he is, you just gave him the same amount of sugar in one sitting as Peeta and I usually allow him to have in a month." I grumble and go to the fridge to make a milk cup for Finn to wash his cupcake down with.

Haymitch rolls his eyes and lifts Bow onto his lap when she grabs her cupcake and comes over to stand beside him. "Oh please, Peeta's always sneaking these two treats between meals. What's the fun of having a father who's a baker if you can't enjoy the sweets he makes from time to time?" He says as Bow leans back against his chest and puts her bare feet up on the edge of the table with a grin.

I finally break when I see the little chocolate mustache on her upper lip after she takes her first bite. "These are really, REALLY good Mama." Bow declares and I smile softly and lean over the table as she holds her cupcake up for me to take a bite.

"Thatta girl." Haymitch laughs and I shake my head before I sit down in my own chair and finally give in to the fact that BOTH Haymitch and Peeta have decided for me that spoiling Bow and Finnick every once in a while when their father is having an episode is acceptable.

I want to disagree with them, but I'm finding it impossible to do so when both children in question look more relaxed and happy than I've seen them since this morning.

I wish the cupcakes would have the same effect on my mood but I settle for putting on the fake smile I always keep handy for these days and make a silent wish that this will all be over tomorrow.

"I'm going to sit on the porch for a little." I say needing a moment to myself and not feeling at all guilty about it after spending most of the day so far brushing away every tear from Bow's face and enduring Finn's exhausting tantrums.

Both children start to protest my leaving them for even a second but Haymitch cuddles Bow. "Mommy's not going far, you eat your cupcake Bow." He whispers and sets her in his chair.

Bow looks at me with big sad eyes and I smile softly. "I'll just be on the porch, you can come out when you're finished eating." I tell her and Finn pouts.

"I go too!" He whines as Haymitch slides back the tray on his high chair and gingerly lifts him out of the seat. Finn squirms to get down and for a moment my smile as real as I watch Haymitch trying to wrangle my chocolate covered son.

"No, no! You need a bath first!" Haymitch says holding Finn out in front of him as he starts walking towards the hallway with Finn chanting 'no bath'.

"Careful digging it out of his ears!" I call after him as I push the door to the porch open. "He _hates_ that!" I smirk and I can just hear Haymitch mumbling to himself over Finn's continued chanting.

As I step out onto the porch and look over at my house I quickly search each window to see if my husband is in one of them and am only a little disappointed when he's not. As much as I want to see Peeta, I know it won't bring me any comfort until I can touch him and see it in his eyes that the hijacked look is gone from them.

I move to the porch swing and drop down into it. I pull one foot up under me on the swing and leave the other on the ground so that I can push myself back and forth on the swing.

They say smell is the strongest sense connected to memory but as I start pushing the swing gently and hear the familiar creak that has come with years of use reminds me of another time when I sat here looking at my home while Peeta was behind a door with an X on the knob. A time before our children and before our toasting when I was still young and working my way through a lifetime of pain that left me unable to commit to Peeta in the way he wanted me to most…


	28. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

_I want to hide the truth_

_I want to shelter you_

_But with the beast inside_

_There's nowhere we can hide _

"Demons"-Imagine Dragons

(5 years after the first anniversary visit to the Capitol)

The steady creaking of the porch swing hypnotized me into such a trance that I didn't even realize Peeta was there with me until he touched my cheek to get my attention. I had been sitting on Haymitch's porch for a little over an hour, thinking. I had left Peeta sleeping soundly in bed on one of the 2 days a week he didn't need to be at the bakery early. He'd been training his apprentice, Lane (an 18-year-old boy who'd grown up in 12 before the war and returned after the rebellion), in how to properly open the bakery for several months and had recently begun letting him do so alone on weekends.

I wasn't going to complain because it gave us time to lounge in bed together which was something that just doesn't happen regularly when you share your bed with a man who is up between 4:30 and 5:00 each morning. Not that I was ever really one to sleep in, but I'll admit I usually found my way to the bakery closer to 10 most days back then.

"I figured you hadn't gone far…" Peeta said snapping me out of my daze. "…but a note on the pillow would be nice next time I wake up to find you aren't anywhere in the house." He said dryly and dropped down onto the swing next to me with a lopsided smile. As I turned on the swing to face him though, I could see it in his eyes that he definitely had been a little concerned when he woke up to find me gone from our bed.

"I'm sorry, Peeta…" I said and reached out to hold one of his hands on top of his thigh. I noticed in his rush to find me he'd pulled the white undershirt he was wearing on backwards because I could see the shadow of a tag underneath the fabric between his collar bones and the jeans he'd hastily pulled on were zipped but the top button was left undone.

He shrugged and moved so that he was lying with his head in my lap and his bare feet were propped up on the armrest at the other end of the swing from where I sat. "No big deal." he lied and glanced up at me as I began idly stroking my fingers through hair he'd been wearing shorter than usual that spring.

I had told him several weeks before when he cut it that it made him look older. He took that as a compliment but I really hadn't meant it that way as I was feeling a little sensitive about age that particular week. I never thought I'd be the type of person to care about age, but there was something about turning 25 a few days before his haircut that had me feeling like life was starting to rush by. My mother had told me when I was younger that what had felt like a year as a child would at some point feel like it had passed in a week or a day as I became an adult. Of course being the logical thinker I was, I had brushed her words off as being silly. How could time 'feel' different? Wasn't it a universal invariant? Didn't a second, a minute, an hour or a day pass just the same through each week and year?

It was only as an adult with a home and a business and a man I loved that I began to understand what she meant; it wasn't the time that had changed, it was how you spent it and who you spent it with that made it seem to pass so quickly if you were doing things right.

On my 25th birthday, I had been both pleased and stricken by the realization that Peeta and I must have been doing things right because those first 6 years that we'd been living together had seemed to pass in no time at all.

"Did you have a nightmare?" he asked closing his eyes as I continued to stroke his head. "You should have woken me if…" I cut him off, bending down to brush my lips over his.

"No nightmare, I just woke up early and didn't want to bother you on one of the few days you get to sleep in." I said ghosting my lips over his nose which had been reddened by the sun when we'd been planting new spring flowers around the house the day before.

Peeta's eyes remained shut but a slow smile spread on his face as he reached up over his head to wrap one arm high around my waist and let his thumb caress the outer curve of one breast over top of the light nightgown I'd worn to bed. "You could have woken me up…" He whispered and opened one eye to peer up at me playfully. "…we haven't had sex in like…a week and a half. That would have been plenty reason enough to _rise_ and shine on one of my mornings off…" he grinned and I pinched the space between one of his shoulders and his neck. This made Peeta squeal and squirm and me laugh at how ticklish he still was after all those years together.

Unfortunately, our antics on the porch roused the house's intoxicated occupant and Haymitch stumbled out the front door scowling at the two of us on the swing. We were both smiling goofily at him and he rolled his eyes. "Don't you have your own porch to…do that on?" he growled as he fixed his robe around himself and made his way to one of the chairs across from us, dropping into it with a yawn.

"You sleep last night?" Peeta asked Haymitch as he sat up beside me and wrapped an arm around my shoulders. We tended to ignore Haymitch's continued ribbing about our relationship which had only recently started up again around my birthday.

He'd caught us kissing on the back steps of the bakery during the birthday party Peeta had thrown me there. My mother had come from District 4 along with Annie and Zale, who at 5-and-a-half still looked quite a bit like his father but I could see his once auburn hair had begun to darken to something closer to Annie's. Johanna and Jaxson were officially 'official' and living together in a beautiful log cabin in the forest back in District 7.

I had been pleasantly surprised by the party and was using a few minutes alone with Peeta while taking out the trash to thank him when Haymitch stepped out back for some air.

He'd asked us if the honeymoon phase was going to wear off any time soon because we were starting to nauseate him to the point he couldn't tell the difference between being ill from the drink and ill from the sight of the two of us 'constantly pawing at each other' as he put it.

"I'd expect you to be sending the other over to sleep on my couch after disagreements…or…or to hear you screaming and throwing things at each other by now…" he teased and Peeta and I had smiled at him and shook our heads together.

"Not a chance old man." Peeta had said smiling down at me. "I spent way too many years loving this girl from afar to let petty disagreements get in the way of what we have now." I leaned up and kissed Peeta once more lightly in agreement.

Haymitch had rolled his eyes and mumbled that the screaming and throwing things at each other would be a great deal more entertaining for him as he opened the door and shuffled back inside.

"As a matter of fact, I _did _sleep last night." Haymitch said through another yawn as he stretched his legs out and crossed them at the ankles. When Peeta looked at him dubiously from our place on the swing, he shrugged and straightened his shoulders defensively. "Well…alright, I may have had some help from 2 bottles of liquor, but I slept _at_ night and _in _my bed so if you don't mind, I'll call that progress." He said with a nod and turned his head to look at mine and Peeta's house.

"So…so what's the deal, you have bugs at your place? A fire? Hmm?" he asked in that way that told us he'd like an explanation as to why we were hanging out on his porch on a Saturday morning.

"You know most people might see it as…flattering to find their friends are comfortable enough to drop in on them without an invitation." I said rather than explain why we were there. I'd already managed to avoid telling Peeta why I had found my way to Haymitch's porch that morning and I figured I might as well give it a shot with Haymitch too.

Haymitch's head snapped back around and he frowned at us. "Really? Because I'd think they'd find it annoying. Much like I do." He said and Peeta and I both just blinked at him. "Well, are you at least going to feed me now that you've interrupted a perfectly good night's sleep?" he asked and stood, heading back inside without a second glance.

Peeta chuckled and cupped my cheek with one hand, turning my head to kiss me good morning properly. "Well, I guess we just got told." He murmured against my lips. "Good morning by the way." He said kissing his way over to my ear. I raised a hand and stroked his cheek back, murmuring a good morning of my own.

"You wanna go heat the stove up for pancakes? I'm going to get some eggs from the chicken coop so…I'll meet you in the kitchen." Yes, that's right, Haymitch not only raised geese but he'd started his own little brood of chickens the year before as well. Peeta had taken to calling him 'the bird man of District 12' which earned him a swing of Haymitch's cane at his head each time he said it around him.

Peeta nodded and kissed me once more and then stood from the swing and started for Haymitch's front door. He pulled open the screen door and I thought I was in the clear but he turned and looked at me where I still sat on the swing. "Sure you're okay?" He asked with a smile but I could see the concern in his eyes.

I gave him my brightest smile and pushed my bangs out of my face when the wind swept them over my eyes. I appreciated the temporary veil created by them because it gave me an extra second to maintain my composure. "Uh huh, I'm fine, just a little groggy from waking up so early. I'm fine, really." I assured him and Peeta's smile widened and he nodded before heading inside to start breakfast for the three of us.

When I could hear he and Haymitch talking in the kitchen I allowed the smile to fall from my face and I stood from the swing, moving to sit on the bottom step of the porch where they wouldn't be able to see me if they looked out the window. "Sure…" I whispered to myself as I looked down at the grass beside my feet and reached for one of the dandelions that were covering all of our lawns in that first week of June.

"Everything's fine, Peeta…" I whispered and plucked the small yellow weed from the ground at the bottom of its stem and brought it close to my face where I began to spin it nervously between my thumb and forefinger.

"Except that I missed the shot I was supposed to get the week before my birthday and I might be pregnant." I forced out in one breath as a few tears fell past the dandelion and landed in the grass beneath me. I stopped twirling the flower and turned it so that the stem was fisted in my hand and used my thumb to pop the flower off. I watched it drop to the grass with its happy yellow face staring up mockingly at me and a few more tears landed around it.

I took a deep breath and dabbed my eyes with a corner of my nightgown, forcing myself to straighten up before I went into the house. "Argggh! Stupid!" I growled at myself and blinked rapidly as I stomped off towards the chicken coop to get the eggs. I figured I had about 5 more minutes before one or both of my 'keepers' came looking for me so I had to pull it together pretty damn fast if I wanted to keep them in the dark. Besides, it wasn't worth getting either of them all worked up when even _I _wasn't sure if I really was pregnant or not.

(Several weeks earlier)

I was always _so_ careful about getting my shot on time. In the first few years, Effie had called to remind me to go to the clinic every 2 months and I appreciated it. The bakery was insanely busy, I was still hunting pretty regularly, and let's face it, taking care of Haymitch was equivalent to having a full time job. I probably wouldn't have remembered when I was supposed to get the shot without those calls from Effie, but somewhere around the middle of the 4th year I'd been getting them, I started remembering to go on my own and Effie would call a day or two after I'd already stopped by the clinic and gotten it.

After spending a good 5 minutes praising me for my punctuality, Effie said she was confident enough in me that she would only call every 4 to 6 months to check if I was keeping up with them. I greatly appreciated that she trusted me enough to cut her calls down from a mix of business and social to _just_ social (especially since social calls from Effie could last hours).

I had no problem remembering to get the shot from then on and it just became another part of the routine Peeta and I had fallen comfortably into. The routine had even helped to cut down on the frequency and intensity of his episodes which went a long way to making both of us very, very happy. I went two and a half more years remembering to get the shot every 2 months until getting the shot coincided with the minor aging crisis I had around my birthday at the beginning of May.

How things usually went was that I would get the shot, menstruate exactly 3 weeks later, and then not again until 2 weeks after the next shot. Of course, Peeta was particularly fond of the part where I was only 'out of commission' for 6 weeks out of the whole year and I was happy to be actively preventing the one thing I _knew_ without a doubt I wouldn't be able to handle.

I always received the shot on the 5th of the month starting in January and then started my cylcle the 26th. It just so happened that in May, when my birthday fell in the second week, I was due for my third shot of the year. I mentioned before that I was in a pretty bad place emotionally the week before my birthday and it had honestly just slipped my mind.

We'd had a particularly busy week at the bakery as one of the ovens had broken and we were waiting for parts to be delivered so that it could be fixed. That meant working loads of overtime and Peeta had been sleeping in the room over the bakery for almost the whole week. Haymitch had even called to tell us that Buttercup was quite put out by our extended absences during the day and he seriously thought the cat might be considering moving in with him. I had told him good riddance.

One night, just a few days before my surprise party, Peeta and I had worked through the evening to finish a cake for a birthday party that needed to be delivered the next day.

We'd sent Lane away around 10 when Peeta noticed he'd fallen asleep face down on the back of the display case out front. I was doing some book keeping at the desk in the back room when Peeta came in from sending Lane home. He was chuckling to himself as he picked up a piping bag to complete the last bit of writing on the cake we'd finally finished.

"He's a good kid." I said looking up from the ledger I was writing in to watch Peeta work.

He smiled to himself and nodded slowly as he worked. "He is. Won't be long before he's ready to open up a bakery of his own someday." Peeta said in the tone he always used when he was trying to multitask. I watched him work, smiling at the way his tongue poked out one side of his mouth when he was focusing really hard.

"Well, not _too_ soon, you know we can't run this place with just the two of us yet." I said moving over to stand beside him at the decorating table. "Besides, Lane's still just a kid." I shrugged and scooped some icing out of the bowl Peeta had filled the piping bag from and licked it off of my finger.

Peeta laughed after he'd crossed the last t and then set the bag down and folded his arms across his chest over the apron he was wearing. "He's 'still just a kid'?" He chuckled and shook his head as he moved over to lean against the counter next to me.

"What? He is!" I argued and Peeta took some frosting on his own finger and dabbed it on my nose.

"We're like…a minute older than him, Kat…" He teased and then narrowed his eyes at me looking me over critically. "Well, _I'm _like a minute older than him, _you're_ the one whose going to be 25 this coming week…old lady…" he mumbled leaning in like he was going to kiss me.

I gasped at him calling me an old lady and then picked up the spoon from the frosting and smeared it across his face with a big grin. "I _cannot_ believe you just called me _old_, Peeta Mellark! Besides, your birthday isn't too far off either!" I screeched and ran around the other side of the table as Peeta grabbed the spoon where I'd dropped it on the counter and readied himself to chase me.

"Hey, this leg might be fake…" Peeta warned when I glanced at the door trying to gauge whther I could make a run for it. "…but I _will_ catch you, Katniss." He said trying to sound menacing and I bit my bottom lip, still glancing between Peeta and the door before deciding to just go for it.

I darted for the door, laughing all the way until I screamed when Peeta's strong arms came up around me and I turned in his arms to face him. We both laughed at the bits of frosting still clinging to each other's faces and reached out with gentle hands to wipe them away.

It only took a few seconds before we realized how close we were to each other. How Peeta's hot pants for air were caressing my cheek as he tried to catch his breath from chasing me. How we were holding each other so close that there was almost no space between us.

Peeta was the first to smile, gazing down into my eyes with a look that never failed to make me weak in the knees.

"I…I n-need to put this cake away…" he whispered still staring intently down at me as he lowered his hands to rest on my backside and I flattened my hands on his back. "Meet you upstairs?" he asked biting his bottom lip and I nodded slowly and pushed my hips ever so gently into his as a promise of what was to come.

"Don't be too long?" I asked stepping back and Peeta nodded vehemently and reached for the apron strap around his neck. I stopped him with a hand on his forearm and Peeta looked puzzled. "Maybe…leave the apron on…" I said trying for a casual shrug and Peeta blushed slightly and grinned a mile wide.

"Yes, ma'am." He growled leaning in to kiss me deeply. I wasn't sure how long we kissed for but when we pulled back, Peeta wasn't the only one breathing heavily anymore.

"Seriously, hurry up." I chuckled and turned, sashaying to the steps to the second floor and making sure to sway my hips as I climbed them to our small bedroom above the bakery.

As I rounded the corner to the bedroom door I heard Peeta suddenly jump into action and rolled my eyes. "Don't you drop that cake!" I called as I leaned back around the corner that led to the steps and heard Peeta chuckling from the other side of the room where the walk in fridge was.

I shook my head as I went into the bedroom and flipped on the small lamp on my bedside table as I walked around the room picking up after Peeta. It'd been quite a while since I had stayed the night in the little apartment over the bakery and as I picked up dirty clothes, socks, shoes and various baking and art supplies, it became evident that I needed to make sure I at least stuck my head into that room once a week to make sure it wasn't a disaster.

"Ooops, sorry." Peeta mumbled suddenly from the doorway as he slipped into the room. I cut my eyes at him as I held a sneaker up by the laces for him to see. Peeta shrugged sheepishly. "I wasn't expecting to have to stay here and it's been like…months since you stayed here with me…obviously." He said looking around at the disorder of the room.

"So what is this, like your bachelor pad?" I asked and Peeta smirked at me as he kicked off his shoes by the door and pushed it shut behind him.

"I _am _a bachelor." He said simply and I groaned when I realized I had walked right into that one. Yes, I was still doing a pretty good job at the time of avoiding any talk of marriage.

True to his word, Peeta continued to bring it up every so often but hadn't asked me directly to marry him since that first year at the harvest festival on the front step of the bakery. Considering how _that _had gone, with Peeta having an episode after I'd turned down his proposal, I think he was more than a little afraid of something similar happening again if he tried.

"Smartass…" I pouted when we met at the foot of the bed and Peeta wrapped his arms around me with a self-satisfied smile. I pretended to pull back from his kiss when he leaned in but then raised myself up on my toes a little to press my lips to his. I reached down between us and lifted the front of his apron to start unzipping his pants and Peeta moaned softly into my mouth and pushed his hips against mine playfully.

"Mmmm…right down to business huh?" Peeta murmured against my lips and I laughed huskily before pushing his pants to the floor. I took Peeta's hands as I stood and tugged him forward to step out of them and he reached for the hem of my shirt and pulled it over my head.

"You complaining?" I asked nipping at his neck as I helped him get his arms out of the sleeves of the white t-shirt he was wearing under the apron and gently lifted it over his head as I tried to make sure the apron strap stayed in place around his neck. When I worked the shirt free I tossed it in the pile we'd started with Peeta's pants and my top and I stepped forward and laid my hands flat on his back against his bare skin.

In just those 6 years since we'd returned to District 12 I'd watched Peeta change from a teenaged boy into a man. He'd always been a bit stocky even if he was quite strong as a teen from working in the bakery, but in the years after the rebellion he'd developed a pretty steady routine of working out as a means of staying healthy. At first it'd just been regaining the muscle tone he lost after months being held by the Capitol but around the time he turned 22, I began to notice subtle changes not only when he was naked, but also just in his general build and the way he carried himself. His jaw squared off more and was almost constantly peppered with a five o'clock shadow. His shoulders became more rounded and his legs thickened out.

Of course in this time my body had also changed considerably from that of a starved teenage girl with narrow hips and a straight waist to having filled out in what seemed in Peeta's eyes to be all the right places. My waist developed more of a curve, my breasts filled bra cups that they'd once been swimming in, and with more regular exercise myself, my arms and legs became strong and toned again like they'd been in my early hunting days. The little bit of roundness my face had somehow held during teenage years melted away to reveal high cheekbones and a long, slender neck that Peeta loved to pepper with kisses when we cuddled in bed at night.

As we stood at the end of the bed in our room above the bakery that night and I asked Peeta if he was complaining about the pace of the night's seduction, he nibbled his way gently down that newly slender neck of mine and across a shoulder shaking his head.

"No way," He said smiling against the point of my shoulder before slowly kissing his way back to my neck. "Especially since we're most likely going to knock this one out and pass out cold after the day we've had." He chuckled and I placed my hands on his chest, pushing him back and looking up into his face with raised eyebrows.

"What?"

"We're going to 'knock this one out'?" I asked with a face like I'd smelled something bad. Peeta just smiled sheepishly down at me and shrugged his shoulders. "Wow, that was _really_ romantic, Peet." I said rolling my eyes but smiled and moved my hands to thread through the hair on the back of his head as he leaned in to kiss me again.

"I do try." He chuckled against my lips and slipped his tongue between them with a soft sigh. "I love you, Katniss." He whispered before taking my bottom lip lightly between his teeth. "You're so beautiful…" he grunted and pressed his hips forward into mine gently so that I could feel through his boxers and the apron just how ready he was to 'knock this one out'. I suddenly forgot to care about the somewhat crude way he'd just described what we were about to do and slid my arms back up around his body and tugged him closer so that we were chest to chest.

Besides, whenever Peeta whispered 'I love you' or told me I was beautiful, or shook with anticipation before we made love, I knew in my heart of hearts that to him, being with me would never _ever_ be just 'knocking one out'.

"I love you too, Peeta." I gasped and reached behind him at the small of his back to slip my fingers past the thin string that held the apron tight around his hips. I slid them into the elastic band of the boxer shorts he was wearing and gripped his ass with both hands. It was my turn to push my hips into his and Peeta took my cue, deepening our kisses as he reached down and unbuttoned my pants between us, pushing them and my underwear to the ground. I kicked off the flats I had been wearing at the bakery that day and stepped out of my clothes and stretching the whole length of my body against Peeta's.

"Shorts." He grunted and I could tell by the way he was squirming and the way his hands were wandering all over my back and sides that he was becoming more aroused by the second. I smiled playfully and kissed my way down his neck and chest as I crouched to slide his shorts down his legs to the floor. I glanced up at the dangling edge of the apron in front of my face and hugged myself inside for the deliciously wicked idea that came to me. I reached up to hold onto his hips, seeming like I was using him as leverage to stand, but really what I was doing was holding him still so that I could brush my nose against the length of his erection I could see outlined beneath the apron as I stood.

Peeta hissed through his teeth and grabbed me under my arms, lifting me effortlessly into his as he stumbled out of his shorts towards the bed and fell forward with me under him onto the mattress.

"Oooof!" I said with a laugh and propped myself up on my elbows as Peeta knelt around my hips and reached behind me to unhook my bra as we began kissing again.

"Sorry…" Peeta chuckled and sat back on his heels to let me get a good look at him in just the apron as I tossed my bra over the side of the bed. When I turned my head back to look at him I couldn't help laughing slightly at the way his erection tented the canvas apron out from his body. "What? You don't think I look hot like this?" He asked slipping off of the bed and putting his hands on his hips to model the naked apron wearing look for me.

I bit my lip hard, trying not to laugh which worked…until I snorted. Peeta's eyes widened and he folded his arms over his chest and raised an eyebrow at me. "Katniss…" he said menacingly but the grin on his face tempered the threat in his voice. "Did you just…snort at me?" He asked and I couldn't help it; looking at him standing there in nothing but an apron trying to look mad….I snorted again.

"Well now you're just being rude." He growled and turned completely around to face the door, leaving me staring at his bare ass which made me burst out laughing. When Peeta turned his head and smiled over his shoulder at me, I knew that was exactly why he'd done it and I thanked my lucky stars that 6 years in, Peeta and I could still have just as much fun together in bed as the first year.

"Maybe next time…I should wear the apron…" I gasped and wiped the tears out of my eyes as I sat up and climbed to my knees on the bed. I beckoned Peeta back to the bed and he twisted his lips in a wry smile as he turned and sauntered back over to me with his arms still folded defiantly over his chest.

I watched his eyes as he looked me over, trying to imagine me in nothing but the apron. "Yeah…that actually sounds like something I might _thoroughly_ enjoy…" he growled and I reached up to hold onto either side of the apron strap that went around his neck. "…and I'm also very sad that I didn't think of the naked apron idea years ago." He teased as I pulled his mouth down to mine by the straps and we sank to the bed together.

"Damnit!" I didn't realize how forcefully I was placing eggs into the basket hanging on my arm until one of them cracked and the sticky insides dripped through the basket and onto the floor of the coop.

Several chickens startled and clucked at my outburst, flapping away to the safety of the other side of the coop and regarding me as if I were some sort of lunatic. I glared at the fidgety birds as I wiped the yolk dripping from my fingers onto my nightgown.

"Don't look at me like that," I said defensively and held one of the eggs out to them. "You have it easy." I growled as I went back to plucking eggs from the various nests around me. "Lay an egg, sit on it for a little while, it's way more difficult for us mammals." I argued and they all just continued to look at me doubtfully as I wiped a few tears away before they could leave my eyes.

One of the hens flapped angrily and ran at me trying to get a peck in, but I sidestepped her easily and strode back out the door. "Missed." I called over my shoulder and headed back towards Haymitch's house. Quickly realizing that I was in no shape to see either Haymitch or Peeta right then, I made a quick detour back to my house to change clothes. Haymitch hated when I traipsed around in my pajamas in front of him anyway so I figured it would give me a reasonable excuse to head home for a few minutes while I calmed down about the life changing condition I was potentially in.

I went straight to our bedroom and changed into a pair of shorts and a baggy t-shirt. Even if I _did _turn out to be pregnant, I assumed it would be impossible to tell just by looking at me only a few weeks along. At the time though, I felt that it was as clear as if it had been written on my forehead even though I hadn't even been to the doctor to confirm if I was pregnant or not. I only knew that I'd missed my shot and hadn't started my cycle when I was supposed to. With the baggy shirt making me feel a little bit better, I slipped on a pair of flip flops and grabbed the basket of eggs on my way back to Haymitch's.

I worked really hard to keep my face neutral as I walked into the kitchen, but as usual, Peeta could tell right away that something was up.

"Oh, hey, there you are." He said with an easy smile that belied what I knew was going on in his head behind it. "Went home to change?" he asked leaning over to peck me on the lips as I moved to stand at the counter beside him.

"Mhm." I smiled and glanced over at Haymitch. "I know how much it bothers you when any of my lady parts are showing." I smirked and Peeta shook his head as he grabbed a few eggs from the basket and easily cracked them into the bowl of pancake mix he was stirring. Haymitch grimaced and pretended that a chill had run through him as he poured something from his flask into a mug of coffee.

"Want me to fry you some eggs? I made bacon too." Peeta said holding up a plateful and leaning into me slightly. "Hurry before Haymitch gets at it, you know he can eat an entire skillet of bacon in one sitting." He whispered and I smiled softly and reached up to stroke his cheek with the back of my hand.

"You take such good care of me." I said with a soft sigh and reached up to kiss him. Peeta returned the kiss, still holding the plate of bacon out to his side toward the table. When he pulled back slightly, he stared into my eyes with one of those soul searching looks he is famous for and narrowed his eyes at me.

"You alright?" He asked reaching up to stroke a tendril of hair hanging loose from my braid.

At that point I knew that there was no reason to lie to him since he'd already picked up that I had something on my mind and so I just gave him as reassuring a smile as I could manage and cast my eyes at Haymitch.

"When we get home." I whispered and pressed a quick kiss to the corner of his mouth as I took the plate of bacon. I could feel Peeta's eyes on me as I took the plate over to the table and made sure to stop and give Haymitch a big, loud kiss on his cheek just to annoy him before I sat down.

I felt Peeta's eyes on me all through breakfast as we talked with Haymitch about making some changes to the yard so that it had a higher, sturdier fence for keeping predators out. Now that he had the chickens and the geese to keep track of, it seemed like a good idea. More than once I could see Peeta trying to catch my eye over the table but I kept my attention on Haymitch and his ideas for the yard.

I wasn't trying to make him upset or uncomfortable, I just had no idea how to wrap my brain around the possibility of having a child. It only made it that much more difficult when taking into account that I was the only one to blame if I _was_ pregnant because I had missed my shot.

When we were finished eating, Peeta asked Haymitch if he would be okay cleaning up on his own. Haymitch glanced between the two of us a few times, realizing by Peeta's tone that something was up and he wanted to get me alone as soon as possible.

"Sure thing." He said with a shrug. "You cooked, I can clean up." He said and pointed at the door where Buttercup had sneaked in as soon as the promising smell of bacon reached his nose next door. "Take that cat with you though." He said and Peeta nodded and stood from the table.

"Ready to go?" he asked with an edge of nervousness that rattled my own nerves too. I nodded and grabbed a piece of bacon as I started for the door.

"Come on, Buttercup." I said ripping off a small piece of bacon and dropping it to the floor in front of him. The cat mewled and jumped on the bacon as if it was some sort of prey he'd been hunting so I opened the door and started ripping more pieces off and dropping them like a trail of breadcrumbs as I made my way back to my and Peeta's house.

Peeta followed us a few seconds behind and I was sure he had stopped to promise Haymitch he'd let him know what was going on if it was something he needed to know.

I went inside and curled up on the couch, uncharacteristically allowing Buttercup to hop up into my lap which he was obviously only consenting to because I'd shared bacon with him. I was stroking a hand back and forth over his spine as his tail twitched happily back and forth under my chin when I heard Peeta enter the living room behind me.

"Well, whatever it is it must be bad since you're going to Mr. Mangy for backup." He said using the nickname we had given the cat a few years before. I still wasn't sure if we were using it as an insult or an endearment but he didn't seem bothered by it so we had continued to use it.

I smiled sadly as he came around to sit on the edge of the recliner and I couldn't help noticing that he was literally on the edge of his seat.

"So…you wanna tell me what's going on? I've known you for too long not to be able to see it in your face when you're stressing out about something so let's have it, what'd I do?" He asked with a nervous laugh and bounced his legs on the balls of his feet.

I sighed and petted Buttercup's fur harder, searching for the right way to drop this potentially huge news on him. "It wasn't you, it's something I did…well…I guess something you _and_ I did." I mumbled and cast a look his way briefly before going back to petting the cat.

"Katniss…" he whispered in such a pleading tone that I finally looked at him. His eyes were begging me to end his suffering and just tell him what was wrong.

I took a deep breath and shrugged my shoulders. "The week before my birthday? When I was sulking around here about getting old…or…or whatever my problem was…I missed my shot." I rushed out and cut my eyes away from his for a second before looking back into his face. "So the last month we've had sex what…6 or 7 times and they've all been without any birth control." I said and Peeta got that frozen deer look he and I both had when Effie had walked in on us in the hot tub during our first visit back to the Capitol after the war.

"And I was supposed to…start my cycle about a week and a half ago." I explained hoping he would get what I was trying to to tell him. Peeta was quiet for a long few moments and just when I was beginning to wonder if he was actually even breathing, he lifted one hand to his head and raked his fingers through his short hair just like he'd done when it was shaggy. It was a nervous tick, and it was one that told me he was pretty sure what I was trying to say.

"H-have you been to the doctor?" He asked and I shook my head. By the look on his face I could tell that he knew I was afraid of what they were going to say. That I was afraid they were going to tell me I was pregnant.

Not _happy. _Afraid.

"No…I-I haven't." I admitted quietly. "I've really only thought that maybe I was…it's really only been a few days since I realized I hadn't started my period." I said and Peeta nodded and puffed out his cheeks as he sat back in the recliner.

I watched him wipe his hands on his pant legs subtly so I knew he must have been sweating bullets but I wasn't sure what was motivating that sweat. I knew Peeta wanted children and he knew that I didn't, so I was pretty sure that was where a lot of his stress was coming from. He let out the breath he was holding in and leaned forward with his elbows on his knees and looked at me.

"So…what do you wanna do?" he asked quietly and I looked back down at Buttercup who, sensing the tension in the room, was looking back and forth between our faces as if he were watching a tennis match.

"I dunno." I said with a shrug and tried to smile. "Hey, I mean, no big deal. I don't even know for sure if I am…so, I guess I'll make a doctor's appointment and find out for sure before I start freaking out." I said with a little laugh and Peeta's gaze eyes snapped to mine.

"I-is that what you're going to do? Freak out?" He asked, his voice rising a bit once he had an idea of where I stood if I, in fact was…

"If you're _pregnant_?" He asked ending my train of thought. I hated the hurt I could see in his eyes. "You can say that word you know, Katniss…it's just a word." He growled and stood from the chair suddenly which made Buttercup dart from my lap and scurry up the stairs.

"I know that, Peeta." I said feeling myself getting annoyed by his anger as I straightened myself on the couch and folded my arms over my chest. "I'm just…I wasn't prepared for something like this happening! And I'm fucking _pissed _at myself for missing that damn shot!" I said standing from the couch and waving a hand in the air in exasperation. "_I'm_ the one who doesn't want a baby and if I am _pregnant…_" I said purposefully leaning on the word to show him that I could say it (even if it did kill me to do so). "…the best part of this whole damn thing will be that it was _my_ stupid fault!" I hollered and tried my best to keep the tears threatening to fall from my eyes at bay.

Peeta stopped pacing when he heard my voice catch in my throat and his face softened immediately when he saw my tears. "Ah, Kat…shit…" he muttered under his breath and winced as he walked towards me opening his arms. I looked up as he approached me and took a step back from him shaking my head.

"N-no…I'm sorry, Peeta I just…I need to be alone for a little…" I said and then instantly regretted my words when I saw his face. "I just…that's why I went to Haymitch's this morning to sit on the porch…I…I needed to get out of here for a little and think things through." I said reaching out to at least touch his arm gently so that he would know I wasn't mad at him.

Needless to say, I was surprised when Peeta pulled his arm back from my touch and let out a frustrated growl through his teeth like he only did during the worst of disagreements between us. "Yeah? Well maybe _I _need some space to think things through too." He huffed and threw a quick glance at my stomach that was so sad I had to look away. "I'm going upstairs, are you staying here?" He asked already starting for the bottom of the steps. I knew he was going to his art studio to paint as he often did when he was stressed about something.

I shook my head slowly and looked at the front door. "No…no I think I'm going to go into the woods for a little." I said quietly. Peeta was on the first step when he turned and looked at me for a long moment. "You're coming back…real or not real?" he asked and I knew he just needed the reassurance so that he wouldn't start having dark thoughts about me running off without him and possibly set off an episode.

"Real, Peeta." I said holding his gaze steadily. He must have trusted what he saw in my eyes because Peeta nodded once and then turned and continued up the stairs.

I hated leaving things that way but I really needed to get out of the house and into the calming familiarity of my woods. I waited until I heard the door to Peeta's art room open and close before I grabbed my bow and slipped out the door into the morning sun.

(sorry! I suck at Author's notes but I just wanted to say thanks to everyone who has read and reviewed and hung in with this story! I just want to also make sure that everyone reading understands that I am keeping as much in cannon as possilbe. Obviously, Suzanne Collions left the door wide open for us to fill in the blanks of Peeta and Katniss' life together betwen those few pages of the epilogue. So if you have read all three books and have paid attention to how old Peeta and Katniss' children are in _this_ story, then you can guess whether Katiss os pregnant or not)


	29. Chapter 24

**(A/N: Once again, thanks so much for the WONDERFUL reviews! I'm really, honestly amazed by some of the responses to this story! All I can say is thank you a million times and keep the reviews coming! Another chapter will be going up either on Monday or Tuesday (warning: it will be the darkest I've gone in this story, but as I'm not a sadist, you can assume that things will brighten up soon enough!) this coming week and then there will probably not be another one until Memorial Day week sometime as I have end of the year assessments to write for kindergarten as well as an end of year play to 'direct' (which is kindergarten teacher code for 'make sure all of the kids know their lines, don't roll around the stage floor, and try to refrain from telling their classmates EVERY time they get a line wrong in rehearsal! Gotta love the 5-6 year old crowd! Actually, I should thank my class for providing me with a lot of the motivation for Bow's personality! She wouldn't be the kid she is without my little muses!)**

**Chapter 24**

**_So they dug your grave  
And the masquerade  
Will come calling out  
At the mess you made_**

**"Demons"- Imagine Dragons**

I cursed myself all the way to the meadow, through the woods and had finally calmed down _slightly_ by the time I reached the lake. I knew for certain that a lot of my feelings were focused on feeling stupid.

Stupid for having missed the shot.

Stupid for not realizing it sooner.

But mostly stupid for having let Peeta get to know me well enough that he was able to see that there was something wrong almost immediately upon laying eyes on me that morning.

It was so easy to forget in the relative peace and quiet we'd experienced in those first six years that deep down inside of me there was still a desperate and lonely-by-choice girl from the Seam who shied away from emotional attachments to anyone but her family.

I still had moments, of course, like when what had been the date of Reaping Day rolled around every year. Then a panic so deeply ingrained in my soul would send me fleeing for the comfort of the woods. That was one of the hardest days to forget since it had always been the most feared and dreaded day of the year to every child in Panem.

It was different after the war though, because was that I never had to face that date alone again.

Peeta and I woke up on all 6 Reaping Days since the end of the war and disappeared into the woods together. There we would try our damnedest to make it a day of good memories instead of bad like it had been for our whole lives up to that point. We picnicked at the lake, swam in its cool waters to give us some relief from the summer heat that seemed to always be unbearable on that date, and hiked to the highest point we could find to watch the sun set sitting hand-in-hand.

To celebrate the five year anniversary of the end of the war, Peeta had slipped a large rolled up piece of paper from his pack while we were sitting watching the sunset on Reaping Day and placed it in my hand when I had reached for his to hold.

I had looked at him uncertainly and he'd rolled his eyes, telling me to give up the aversion to surprises thing for a minute and just unroll the paper. When I did, I was definitely surprised (to say the least) to find blueprints for a cozy cabin. Peeta then told me he wanted to have that cabin built for us by the lake.

It was one big room with only the bathroom separate from the living space, but it was something that would be entirely ours. The victor house we lived in together had originally been mine and while we had built the bakery together, it was the trade Peeta had been raised in and so it still felt more like his domain. This cabin next to the lake was something we'd be able to enjoy together on the frequent trips we took to the lake in the spring and summer months. And to be honest, I thought it would be nice to spend nights there comfortable in a bed rather than on blankets on the floor of the old concrete house.

Sitting on that hill at sunset, I told him how much I loved the gift. Then I gave him a surprise of my own when I pushed him back into the tall grass and climbed on top of Peeta to _show_ him how much I loved it.

I was so caught up in thinking about some of those many good memories we'd made together in those first few years together, that I didn't realize I had reached the lake until I saw a large prey bird swoop down and pluck a fish out of the shallows in front of me.

I watched it fly through the air and off over the trees where it was likely going to feed on the small fish or bring it to its young chicks waiting in a nest somewhere. I sighed and cast a suspicious look at my abdomen thinking how even nature, my closest confidant, was hell bent on reminding me that I might be carrying a child of my own.

I slowly raised a hand to my middle and was about to touch my stomach when an angry blue jay began to squawk at me from the tree closest to our cabin. I dropped my hand quickly and then reached up to pull my bow over my head as I headed for the door to the cabin. I threw open the door and dropped my bow on the porch before swiftly slipping inside in order escape the overwhelming surge of thoughts and feelings I was having.

I looked around the space that was roughly the size of our living and dining rooms at home combined. There was a small kitchen with a pot bellied stove and a simple oak table with chairs for 4 to the right. To the left was a large sofa with a matching love seat and recliner that faced a large fireplace which could be used for both warmth and cooking. Next to all of that was Peeta's pride and joy of the cabin: a large wood-fired oven that he used for baking.

Nestled in the back of the room was our bed, next to the bathroom door and Peeta's paintings hung everywhere for decoration.

I made my way around the room, opening all of the windows to let the late spring breeze into the humid, stuffy space. We hadn't been to the lake much that spring because, up until a week earlier, it had been fairly cold up. So we hadn't had the chance to properly aired it out yet. We also hadn't been there enough for anything in the cabin to have retained mine or Peeta's scent. There was something about not having Peeta's scent in the air of our cabin that made it that much more painfully obvious to me that I was alone and that it was my choice to be so. Since it was built the previous year, I had never been to the cabin without him.

I stood in the middle of the room trying not to think of Peeta and finding it almost impossible to think of anything else. Whether I was willing to admit it or not at the time, Peeta had become the most important person in the world to me.

More important than I was to myself for sure, but that wasn't saying much in those days when I was still in need of weekly or bi-weekly phone conversations with Dr. Aurelius.

I was no longer just Katniss Everdeen, a girl who kept her mother and sister from starving in the Seam. I was Katniss Everdeen; a woman deeply in love with the man who had been saving my life in so many ways since we were children.

Somewhere along the way, as I had stumbled through the years of my life between my first Games and that moment in the cabin, I realized that Peeta had become my family too and that I loved him more deeply than I had ever loved anyone before. The love I had for my mother and for Prim was _different_ and just as strong, but it was the intensity of what I felt for Peeta that gave me pause. It literally took my breath away even to admit that in my mind and I started to have what Dr. Aurelius would call a panic attack.

I was in love with Peeta and I _did_ want to be his wife and for him to be my husband. I realized with sudden startling clarity the reason why I never I felt deserved of the kind of love or happiness that I _knew_ would come from marrying Peeta in this post-Hunger Games world. It was because the same opportunity for happiness was no longer available to the only person I had loved as fiercely as I loved Peeta.

Prim.

Prim, who had died long before having her first love or, as far as I knew, even her first kiss. She would never experience the firsts that I had. It wasn't until Peeta and I had started a real relationship that I realized some of my fears about marriage and children had certainly come from the loss of my father, but more of them had not been from fear at all. Instead, the thing really holding me back from taking those steps forward with Peeta was a crushing sense of guilt for my little sister's unfinished life.

I had denied myself the chance for any future happiness I might find in different stages of a life with Peeta because of my dead sister who would likely have killed me herself just to tell me how stupid it was to stop living in honor of the dead.

It was with this terrifying realization that I dropped to our bed and buried my head under a pillow to cry. I cried for being on the precipice of a major life change. I cried for Prim who would never know what it was to lay late at night in the arms of the man she loved, trembling in a mixture of fear and ecstasy as she gave herself over to him for the first time, the second time and every time thereafter. But mostly I cried because I had turned Peeta away that morning when we had probably both needed each other most.

When I came to it was because another irate bluejay was hollering at me from the open window above the bed. I'd have liked to been able to blame Peeta because he was the one who always fed the birds with leftover bread from whatever meals we make at the cabin, but with everything else I was feeling I decided flipping out on the bird would provide me with a modicum of the emotional release I needed at the moment.

"Shut up, stupid!" I hollered as I pulled the pillow over my head away angrily.

"Do you SEE the stove on?!" I asked rhetorically and threw the pillow at the annoying bird. There was a screen over the window that blocked him from taking a direct hit but it had the desired effect of scaring him off the window sill.

I sat up still glaring at the empty window and yawned as I looked beyond the trees and yard to see where the sun was in the sky. There was an alarm clock on the nightstand next to Peeta's side of the bed (where I seemed to have found myself splayed out sleeping), but old habits die hard I guess. It looked to me to be close to 2 o'clock and I had to admit I was a little impressed with myself to find I was only off by 5 minutes when I looked over at the digital clock blinking 1:55.

Throwing my legs over the side of the bed, I was just about to stand when I saw the X we kept at the cabin in case Peeta had an episode while we were there sitting on the nightstand propped against the clock. I reached out to touch the little wooden letter and picked it up gently, turning it over in my hands. What I found on the other side made me both laugh and cry at the same time.

Peeta had never had an episode at the cabin and so I never really had any reason to inspect the cabin model of the red X before. I obviously then had never seen the tiny picture Peeta had glued to the back side of the wooden letter. It was a close up photograph of Just Peeta's face contorted in a dramatized, manic grin complete with crossed eyes and tongue hanging out of his mouth. It was obviously intended to make him look crazy.

Surely this was Peeta's way of inappropriately poking fun at his tendency for episodes. I didn't _want_ to think it was funny but the longer I looked at the picture, the funnier it became until I wasn't sure if my tears were from joy or sadness. I brought the letter to my face, rubbing the picture against my cheek and thinking for probably the millionth time in 6 years how undeserving of Peeta's love I really was.

There I was hiding in a cabin sulking about the possibility of being pregnant when I had the kind of partner at home who could make a joke out of the most horrifying experience of his life like it was no big deal.

I sighed heavily, the sheer exhaustion of all the emotions coursing through me making it feel like I had napped for a few minutes instead of the several hours I really had been out. I was hungry but knew we hadn't left anything in the cabin for fear of animals getting in to try and eat it and I didn't feel much like hunting either. With nothing left to distract me from doing so, I decided it was time to suck it up and head home to try and apologize to Peeta and figure out what to do next with the possible pregnancy situation.

I washed my face in the bathroom sink and rebraided my hair which was a mess from sleeping with a pillow over my head. I even straightened the bed and put some things that had been left lying around away before I closed the windows and grabbed my bow from the porch.

As I made my way across the porch after scooping up my bow, I touched the rocking chair Peeta had dragged all the way through the woods to bring to the cabin the second time we went there after it was built. I smiled and gave it a gentle push, watching it rock itself back and forth rhythmically as I stopped a moment to remember that day.

I had laughed at how excited Peeta was the first time we went to the cabin. He was so ready to go there that he left Lane in charge of closing the bakery even though he hadn't worked there for long in order to be home and packed up to go before it got too dark to venture out into the woods. He'd decided to close the bakery for the weekend in order to give us two full nights and days alone together at the cabin.

We'd made it just in time for a quick meal of sandwiches and fruit which we had eaten on a blanket out on the empty porch, watching as the first fireflies began to blink their way out of the tree line. They drew closer to us, little by little as if inspecting the new neighbors in their forest community.

I had mentioned, rather off-handedly, that it would be nice to sit out on the porch in a rocking chair with a cup of hot chocolate in the morning. I hadn't mentioned or thought of it again for the rest of the weekend because we'd had such a wonderful time in those two days.

Peeta had baked a tray of big, fluffy chocolate chip muffins for us to enjoy for breakfast on Saturday while he thought I was still sleeping. I really was just lying there motionless, watching him mix ingredients without needing to measure a single thing that went into the bowl.

We had gone swimming in the lake most of that first full day and then I'd let Peeta hunt with me and managed to take down a nice sized pheasant for dinner.

And by 'let Peeta hunt with me' I of course mean I stood him in one spot in the woods and told him not to move anything but his eyes while I went 100 yards away and shot the bird.

I laughed at the faces Peeta made while I pulled out the feathers in the kitchen sink to prepare it for cooking at dinner time. Peeta sketched me after we ate, sitting in front of the fireplace restringing my bow. We passed out on top of the bed together, both of us exhausted from the exertion of playing in the water and hunting all day.

The next morning we'd eaten the rest of the muffins from the day before while listening to the rain that began around sunrise. We were curled up on the the floor of the porch, me in Peeta's lap with the comforter from the bed wrapped snuggly around us as we ate and sipped from mugs of hot chocolate.

The rain continued on through the rest of the day, giving us as good a reason as any to spend that entire Sunday in bed talking, cuddling and making love until it was time to head back to do some prep work for opening the bakery again on Monday morning.

I left Peeta at the bakery where he said he wouldn't be home in time for dinner and for me to just leave him a plate to heat up when he got in. I thanked him again for having the cabin built for us and told him I couldn't wait for the next time we went.

That next time ended up being only a few weeks later. I had done some hunting for our meals the next day and Peeta said he would meet me at the cabin when he was finished at the bakery for the day. It was a Saturday night and since the bakery was always closed on Sundays anyway, we only planned to stay at the cabin that night and into Sunday afternoon. I'd headed off without him reluctantly but Peeta assured me he knew how to get to the cabin by himself.

I cleaned a little bit and started working on the fence we were putting up the next day to start a garden at the cabin and was rolling out the chicken wire to cut to the lengths we needed when I heard an unusually loud rustling coming from the woods. Peeta was and always has been pretty loud when walking through the trees but this didn't sound like the footsteps I'd always associated with his arrival.

I stood from the crouch I was in and walked around the cabin to the front just in time to see Peeta emerging from the woods…carrying one of the large rocking chairs from our porch at home. "Are you _nuts_?" I asked hurrying over to help him with the pretty heavy piece of furniture.

Peeta was breathing heavily and sweating buckets through his white undershirt. He rolled his eyes and took ahold of one arm of the chair while I took the other and we carried it the rest of the way to the porch. "Oh thank you, Peeta…" he said trying to mimick my voice. "…what a romantic gesture you've made by bringing a rocking chair to the cabin like I said I wanted the first day we were here. How _sweet_ of you to remember!" he said and I laughed and gave him a little shove after we set the chair down on the porch.

"Jerk…" I said as he pulled me into his arms and rubbed his sweaty face against my neck and cheek, making me squeal. "It _is _sweet that you remembered that but you could have tripped and hurt yourself carrying that over uneven ground, not to mention it's like a 2 mile walk!" I said kissing him on the lips softly between every few words.

"I'm fine, Katniss. Just a little…tired and…gross now." He laughed pulling the collar of the shirt up to wipe his face. "You wanted a rocking chair here and now you have one. Anything for my girl." He grinned and leaned in to kiss me as his hands slid down to cup my backside.

I pushed my hips into his lightly and wrapped my arms around his neck. "Thank you. It is insanely romantic that you remembered I'd said that and dragging a rocking chair 2 miles through the woods for me gives you some major points too." I teased against his mouth and Peeta kisses his way down my neck and across one shoulder.

"Points that could possibly redeemed for, oh I dunno…" he murmured kissing his way back to my neck and tugging my hips forward to make a tighter fit with his. "…shower sex maybe?" he asked and I chuckled before pulling back and smiling up at him.

I stepped away from his hold suddenly and turned, giving the rocking chair a little push to make it move as I walked back towards the door to inside. Just as I reached it I turned my head and raised one hand, beckoning him to follow me with a wiggle of my index finger. I couldn't help but laugh at how quickly Peeta moved across the porch and squealed when he lifted me into his arms and ran inside just after I'd opened the door.

The rocking chair was still moving as I stood there alone in the afternoon sun with my bow in my hand, wishing things could be as carefree as that day not so long ago. I knew I had to go home and talk to Peeta but I wasn't sure how exactly to start the conversation.

As I stepped off of the porch, my conscience reminded me that I might want to start with 'Peeta, I'm sorry'. I took one more look behind me at the cabin as I entered the woods and headed reluctantly back towards reality.

Whether intentional or not, I ended up passing our local midwife's office on my way home. There still weren't many properly trained physicians in the districts at that time but I had heard on the news that the government was in the process of training the very best healers from the districts of old Panem and hoped to have trained specialists in all of the hospitals in the country by the end of the decade. I was proud to say that my mother was one of them. This left most district women with only a midwife to go to for childbirth and other specialized women's care and I found myself standing at the bottom of the steps to the District 12 midwife's office before I knew it.

Her office was attached to the clinic where I went for my shot and I cast a dirty glance its way as I slowly started up the steps to the door after looking around to make sure none of the neighbors were around. I tried the handle and when it turned, I pushed the door open and stepped in quickly to avoid being seen.

The tiny waiting room was empty and I appreciated not having to face anyone I knew during that particular visit. If I had, I was sure Katniss Everdeen visiting the midwife would have been the talk of the town before noon the next day. I had heard mumblings for years already as to when Peeta and I would get around to having children and had ignored it for the most part. Haymitch made sure to remind me that if I ever _did _decide to 'pop out a few' as he so colorfully put it, then I should let him know first because as our closest friend, he deserved first shot at the heft purse that had grown throughout years of people placing bets on when it would finally happen.

I was walking around the room looking at different posters showing the stages of fetal development when the inner office door opened and a short, stout woman with long wavy blonde hair and a white doctor's coat on popped her head out and smiled at me.

"Katniss…so nice to see you!" she said even though I had never met her before. It didn't faze me anymore to have complete strangers greet me like we'd known each other for years as it had been happening for so long that it was no longer a big deal. Hell, sometimes I didn't even realize they'd done it because I was so used to just going along with all of their instrusive questions about my personal life.

"Oh, I'm…I'm so sorry." She said with a nervous chuckle and beckoned me over to the doorway she was standing in. "How rude of me, people must do that to you all the time!" She said apologetically and shook my hand gently. "I'm rowina, it's very nice to meet you. Is there something I can help you with today?" She asked casually and I suddenly panicked. Today? Was I really ready to deal with the _situation_ right then after all I'd been through already that day?

"Uh…w-well, I was more hoping that I could…maybe make an appointment with you?" I mumbled and she smiled easily at me and nodded.

"Well, I'll admit I've been wondering when you were going to finally start coming to see me for regular gynecological care. I'm sure your mother has told you that at your age you should at least be seeing me once a year for a check up…" she began and I shrugged my shoulder nervously and shook my head.

"No…no, well, yes, my mother has been telling me for years that I should be coming to you and I've done a pretty decent job of ignoring her…until now…" I said with a smirk and she leaned against the doorjam with a slight frown and folded her arms over her chest.

"And….I assume it isn't a crisis of conscience for not having listened to your mother the last several years that has brought you here today?" She asked and I bit my lower lip and shook my head as I looked her in the eyes finally.

After a quick glance around the waiting room to make sure it was empty, Rowina opened the door she had been leaning against and gestured for me to enter it. "Come on back, my next appointment isn't until 4." She said leading me down a short hallway and into an exam room.

I looked around the tiny room that contained only an exam table, a small desk and a long countertop with a sink while Rowina opened up a new folder and used some sort of small laser device to put my name on the front before she took out a pad of paper and a pen.

"Please, have a seat if you're comfortable." She said kindly and gestured towards the table. I huffed a laugh and gently pushed the stirrups at the end of the table out of my way as I moved to sit down on the crinkly paper covering it.

"Are there ever people who come in here that _are _comfortable?" I asked as I settled myself rigidly on the edge.

I could see Rowina smiling slightly as she watched me adjusting myself just so to make sure the metal stirrups had absolutely no contact with my body. "Fair point." She said finally looking up from what she was writing and smiled.

"So, what can I do for you?" She asked setting the pen tip to the paper and looking at me expectantly from the rolling stool she was sitting on. I looked between her face and the paper a few times uncertainly before I answered. "Anything you say here to me is completely confidential, Katniss." She assured me with a gentle smile. I nodded and took a deep breath.

"Well, the thing is, I usually get uh…that shot every 2 months for birth control and I've always been _really_ good about remembering to get it but I…I had a lot going on last month around the time I usually get it and I just…forgot." I rused out and then took another breath. "And then I didn't get my period when I usually do, so I was starting to worry that I might be…"

Damnit. I _still_ couldn't say it.

"…Pregnant?" she asked without looking up from what she was writing on the pad. I waited until she stopped and looked up before I nodded slowly.

"Well, I assume that since you're a 25 year old woman in a committed relationship that you've probably been having sex regularly since missing that shot?" Rowina asked and again I nodded. "Would you like me to give you a pregnancy test to find out? I can do it right here in the office. It's a very simple and non-invasive procedure. I'll just need a drop of your blood to put through a scanner. Only takes a moment." She explained and I looked at her, then the door and back again, biting my bottom lip. "Would you like to have Peeta here with you?" She asked gently and touched my knee. "I can give him a call, shouldn't take him long to walk down here." She offered and I sighed, thinking of how things had been left between us that morning.

"Um, no…no that's okay." I said straightening my back. "I'll tell him the results when I get home." I said trying to sound strong and failing miserably by the look I saw on Rowina's face.

"Are you sure?" She asked again softly and I nodded and looked down at my hands twisting nervously in my lap. "Alright then, let me just grab the testing equipment and I'll be right back." She patted my knee again as she stood and headed out the door as I finally released the breath I'd been holding since entering the exam room.

A few moments later she returned wearing latex exam gloves and carrying a small portable scanner. "Okay, I just need you to relax and give me your hand so I can take a drop of blood from your finger." I had another brief moment of panic as I thought of the last time I'd needed my finger pricked. During the Games when a drop of my blood was used to confirm my presence at the Reaping.

"It's alright, Katniss. I'm here to help you not hurt you." Rowina said quietly and I took another breath as I gave her my hand. It really was just like checking in at the reaping. A quick pinching prick to the finger and a drop of blood on a small slip of paper.

She handed me a small strip of gauze which I pinched between my fingers to staunch the bleeding as I watched her place the strip of paper into the scanner she was holding.

Going against my rationale about time being a universal invariant, those seconds between Rowina placing the slip into the scanner and it processing the results felt like hours. When the machine beeped my heart leapt into my throat and I actually jumped a little in surprise.

"Well, there we are." She smiled and patted my knee as she turned the little screen on the device around so that I could see it. "Not pregnant." She said at the same time I was reading the words.

I stared at them for a long few moments as I felt like the weight of the world had been lifted off of my shoulders and at the same time, a strange and completely unexpected feeling of…sadness.

"You _were_ hoping for a negative test result weren't you sweetie?" Rowina asked gently and I tried my best to flash her a relieved smile, but sensed that it fell a little short.

"Oh, yeah…yes, definitely." I said with another nervous laugh. "I definitely don't want a baby." I mumbled and looked down at my wringing hands in my lap again. There was an awkward moment of silence as I absorbed the news and I finally placed my hands on my belly with a deep sigh. "Hooooo…well, crisis averted I guess." I said with yet more nervous laughter and slid off the end of the table. "So should I get the shot now or…" I shrugged and Rowina shook her head.

"Wait until your next scheduled time to get it so that it doesn't throw your cycle off anymore than it already has been thrown off." She said rooting around in a drawer under the counter area. "Until then…" She said turning and slapped a familiar box of condoms into my hand like the ones Peeta used when we were first together. I smirked and set them on the edge of the table as I straightened out my clothes to leave.

"Woah, there Miss Everdeen." Rowina said sternly and placed a hand on my shoulder. I looked at her wide eyed and froze. "While I have you here you might as well let me give you an exam so that you can be honest with your mother the next time she calls." She said and pressed a paper-thin gown into my arms. "More importantly so that _I _can be honest with your mother the next time she calls me." She smirked and stood from the stool.

"I'll just be out in the hallway, take off all your clothes and put the gown on open in the front." She said slipping out the door and I dropped my head back with a silent groan. "Fuck." I hissed quietly as I stood from the table and begrudgingly toed out of my boots and pulled my socks off.

I stopped for a sandwich at the deli on my way home and brought one of Peeta's favorites home for him as a sort of peace offering. I stood on the doorstep for a few minutes before taking a deep breath as I reached for the handle and turned it slowly. I felt better since finding out that I wasn't pregnant, but I also knew that Peeta had been hurt by not only my continued insistence that I did not want children, but also by what he considered to be my not feeling comfortable confiding in him when I thought I had been carrying his child.

As I entered the house I immediately listened for any sound that might indicate where Peeta might be. Right away I could tell that he wasn't anywhere on the first floor and I didn't hear any creaking of floorboards upstairs either.

"Peet?" I called and walked deeper into the living room heading for the kitchen. "Peeta?" I said as I rounded the corner into the kitchen thinking maybe he was just being exceptionally quiet. I looked around the room for a moment and then turned my head towards the back door when I heard the rush of water through the walls that indicated the hose outside was being turned on. I smiled softly, thinking that Peeta must have been out there watering the new flowers we'd planted the day before. I dropped the bag with his sandwich on the kitchen table and headed out the door.

"Hey…" I said stepping out onto the back porch and folding my arms over the chest. Peeta was standing in just a pair of jeans with no shirt on and his feet bare as he held the hose out in front of him, sweeping it over the new garden slowly. I was momentarily distracted from my concern over how upset he still might be with me when all I could think of was how deliciously hot he looked standing there.

"Oh, hey…when did you get back?" he asked turning back to the garden as if he hadn't sene the way I was ogling him.

"Just now, I stopped at the deli and got you a sandwich for dinner…need any help?" I asked sitting on the step and wrapping my hands over each knee gently.

"Nah, I was just finishing up here and then I was going to grab a shower." He shrugged and didn't even turn his head to look at me. He was really pissed off. Luckily, I had a few things in my bag of tricks.

If there was one thing I knew about Peeta and diffusing arguments with a 24-year-old man, it was that while still in his sexual prime, he could be distracted from just about any unpleasant emotion if sex was being offered in return for his cooperation.

"Want any help with _that_?" I asked raising my eyebrows with a coquettish smile I knew he could rarely resist. Peeta swung his head my way with a wounded look as he cut off the hose and moved back to the side of the house to recoil it.

"I'm just going to rinse off quick. I'll only be a few minutes." He said without even cracking a smile as he wiped his hands off on the legs of his jeans. 'Wow.' I remember thinking. 'He must be really, _really_ pissed off.' "Besides…" he continued moving over to stand in front of me with his hands on his hips. "Isn't that what got us into this…_situation_ in the first place?" he asked with a frown and waved a hand towards my abdomen. Even if I hadn't been looking right up into his face, I would have known that Peeta was still very hurt by our exchange that morning.

"I'm not pregnant." I said shaking my head as I looked up at him from where I was sitting on the top step of the porch. "False alarm. I'm sorry I put us through all of this, and the fighting this morning was just stup…" Peeta cut me off as he dropped his hands from his hips to hang at his sides.

"And just how the hell do you know that you're not pregnant?" he asked raising his voice slightly. I opened and closed my mouth a few times before I could finally answer.

"I…well I was just…I was passing the midwife's office on my way home and I thought I should stop in and see if I could make an appointment with her to find out for sure if I was or not and…and she was able to take me right in before her next patient." I said, my voice weakening with each word as I watched Peeta becoming angrier and angrier. "What?" I asked with an exasperated shrug and looked uncomfortably around at anything in the yard but Peeta.

"So what you're saying is, once again, you felt it necessary to keep me out of something that would have affected _both_ of us?!" he demanded and shook his head in exasperation, laughing humorlessly.

"You're a real piece of work you know that, Katniss?" he asked storming past me up the stairs to the back door.

His words were like a slap in the face for me. He'd said basically the same thing to me while strapped to a hospital bed the first time we talked face to face after he attacked me in 13.

"Peeta!" I called after him and stood from the step just as the door slammed shut behind him. I rushed up the steps and flung open the door just in time to see him rounding the steps to the second floor at the front of the house. "Hey!" I said chasing him down and grabbing him by the elbow before he could hit the third step up. "I didn't _know_ she was going to be able to take me in right away! Like I said, I was _just_ trying to make an appointment!" I tried to explain as I heard my own voice rising.

"And you didn't think to call me and see if I wanted to come down there and be with you? While you were having tests done to see if you were pregnant with _my _baby?!" he spat, pulling his arm away from my grip and continuing up the stairs.

I was left at the bottom of the steps watching him go, unable to come up with any reasonable defense for my actions. I was haunted by the look in his eyes as he had turned away from me and realized just how deeply I was continuing to hurt him with my selfishness.

He was absolutely right.


	30. Chapter 25

Chapter 25

_When you feel my heat  
Look into my eyes  
It's where my demons hide  
It's where my demons hide  
Don't get too close  
It's dark inside  
It's where my demons hide  
It's where my demons hide_

"Demons"-Imagine Dragons

I stood at the bottom of the steps until I heard the shower kick on upstairs. I'd never been so torn before between doing what I knew Peeta wanted me to do, (leave him alone) and what my heart was telling me to do (go upstairs and beg his forgiveness for knowingly bringing him more heartache than I knew he could handle).

The instinct to comfort and protect him had grown even stronger following my reveleation that morning at the cabin that I did want to marry him. But how could I tell him that after we'd just yelled at each other from the back yard all the way through the house without him thinking I was just saying it to make up for yet another blundering misjudgement on my part?

I sighed heavily and went back to the kitchen and put away the sandwich I'd gotten for him, knowing he wouldn't be back downstairs to get it. I briefly wondered if I should sleep on the couch or go next door to Haymitch's for the night. 'The old man would _love_ that.' I thought rolling my eyes as I remembered him out on the back step of the bakery the night of my birthday party asking when the honeymoon period was going to wear off.

_"Not a chance old man. I spent way too many years loving this girl from afar to let petty disagreements get in the way of what we have now."_

Those words from Peeta came back to haunt me as I went back out onto the porch and dropped into an Adirondack chair where I curled up and watched the last rays of the sun dip behind the tree line. I briefly wondered if Peeta was also watching the sunset from our bedroom window upstairs as I wrapped my arms around myself and continued to stare at the horizon.

I don't know how long I sat there feeling empty and alone with no one but myself to blame for it, but at some point I realized I was not just numb on the inside, but the outside too from the chilly night air. I glanced around the yard when the automatic porch light came on telling me it was 9:00. We had a rascally raccoon that was driving my typically easy going Peeta into a tizzy ripping our garbage cans apart a few nights a week and he was looking for anything to scare it off. I told him he should be flattered that even the forest animals enjoy his baking but Peeta didn't find it very funny since he was usually the one cleaning up whatever gigantic mess the little critter made. He thought that an automatic timer on our porch light might deter the raccoon from coming, but the only thing it seemed to do was give him better light to sort through the trash for what he liked best.

It was late, I was emotionally exhausted and the chill of sitting outside was just too much to ignore without a certain pair of arms to keep me warm.

I unfolded myself from the chair and stood, stretching out muscles and joints that ached from spending too much time in that chair without moving. I was just turning back towards the door when I saw something hanging on the railing of the porch I shuffled over and grabbed the shirt Peeta must have been wearing when he started working on the garden that afternoon and brought it to my face as I slipped back into the house.

Smelling the aroma of breads he'd made that day mixed with the comfortingly familiar scent that was Peeta's alone gave me all the answer I needed as to whether I was going to spend the night somewhere other than in my bed with him. I dropped the shirt into the washing machine as I passed the laundry room and then headed straight up the steps to the second floor quietly.

I didn't see a light on under the door in either of the other bedrooms or in Peeta's art studio so I hoped he might be in our room already in bed asleep. If he was, I'd be able to get in bed, have a good night sleep, and then be refreshed in the morning for what was bound to be a long conversation that was shamefully overdue. A small part of me was slightly giddy knowing that I planned to tell him that I wanted to marry him and another part was just a little bit terrified that it might be too little too late when I did.

I went to the door and pushed it open gently, afraid that if he was still awake and heard me coming into the room, Peeta might tell me that he didn't want me there. I could just see the outline of him in bed with the help of the moonlight and both bedroom windows were open a crack. I smiled at that little bit of familiarity.

I left off the main light in the room as I crept to my dresser and pulled out a nightgown which I took into the bathroom with me to change into. After the discomfort of the physical exam I'd been made to endure at the midwife's, I decided to take a quick shower first before going to bed. Standing under the warm spray gave me just a little bit too much time to think about what I'd felt after the test had confirmed that I wasn't I was relieved since I was still pretty sure that I didn't want children. If the incident with Peeta had shown anything it was that I was still too immature and frankly, selfish to care for a child at that point.

I mean, come on, I had just shown that I was doing a pretty bang up job taking care of myself and Peeta. How was I supposed to wrap my brain around taking care of a tiny person who needed me for literally _everything_ for the first few years of its life?

But as I stood in the shower and thought about the newly discovered depth of my feelings for Peeta matched with the inescapable biological urge we all feel to continue the species, I pictured a little blonde boy with Peeta's smile and a refreshing ignorance to everything bad that had been a part of mine and his father's world as children. A little boy that Peeta had once joked with me in the abstract would be safer than most children anyway because he'd have two Hunger Games victors for parents.

I brought my hand up through the gentle spray of water to more confidently touch my abdomen now that I knew it was not carrying that little blonde boy of my imagination and was suddenly irrationally stricken by the loss of what I had never actually had.

I felt my throat constrict with the threat of more tears and dropped my hand away from my belly before they could fall from my eyes and mix with the water from the shower. "Oh," I huffed and reached down to shut off the shower quickly. "Don't be so stupid, Katniss. It's not like you lost it, you were never pregnant in the first place." I mumbled angrily as I grabbed a towel and started to dry off.

I towel dried my hair and applied my nightly lotion all over my body to help smooth out the burn scars that covered me from head to toe before finally pulling on my nightgown and accepting that I had to go back into the bedroom.

I left the bathroom light on and the door open a crack like every night and tiptoed across the room to our bed. Peeta was turned on his side facing away from me with the covers pushed down to his waist, and I had to resist reaching out to stroke my hand over the smooth curve of his bare back as I gently climbed under the covers.

I knew that even in sleep my touch might not be welcome and I couldn't stand to feel more rejection from him than I already had that day. I pulled the covers up to my neck with a sigh and settled onto my side so that I could watch Peeta sleep.

"I'm so sorry, Peet." I whispered as those tears that had been threatening in the shower returned to tighten my throat again.

That was when I saw it.

At first, I thought it had been a ripple in my vision from the tears stinging my eyes, but as I was wiping them away I saw Peeta's shoulders shrug again and heard the sound of a hitched sob that hadn't come from me.

"Oh baby, I'm so, so sorry…" I forced out in a strangled cry and reached out tentatively to touch his shoulder. Peeta flinched slightly at first and I heard him heave for air as he turned to his back. I could barely see his face in the relative darkness of our bedroom but I could see the tell-tale shimmer of tears on his cheeks.

"Peeta…" I moaned sadly and held out my arms to him in desperation. I began to cry in earnest when he reached for me, pulling me into his arms and dragging me over on top of him. I was a little surprised when his lips crashed up into mine hard and even more surprised when he turned us over suddenly so that I was beneath him.

"Peeta…" I gasped when he began to nip his way across my face to my neck, his usually gentle love bites quickly becoming something more. "Uhhhnn…Peeta, please…" I hissed when one sharp bite landed on my shoulder and I moved my hands into his hair to try and guide his lips back to mine. He kissed me again, moaning into my mouth and I slid my arms down to wrap them around his upper back as he pushed me deeper into the mattress.

I gasped when all of a sudden, he grabbed my arms and held them flat on the bed by my wrists, but it wasn't a gasp of pleasure. Peeta and I had been rough with each other in bed before but it had always been mutual and carried out playfully like our tickling fights or when we play wrestled in the lake while swimming together.

But this time, when Peeta pinned my wrists to the bed…it hurt. "Ow…Peeta," I said just above a whisper and tried to lift my arms against the tight hold he had on them. "That's too hard, let go a little." I grunted against his neck as he continued with those sharp little bites across my chest to my other shoulder and I found that they too were beginning to hurt more.

Instead of letting up, Peeta gripped my wrists more tightly, drawing a sharp cry of pain from my lips as I pulled back from him and tried to look into his eyes. "Ahhh! Peeta! What are y…" He lifted his head so that his lips were right against my ear and I tried to turn my head away from the hot, panting breath he was expelling onto my neck that I was quickly realizing had nothing to do with sexual gratification.

"Did you get rid of it?" He hissed through clenched teeth and I could feel Peeta's whole body trembling violently against mine. With sudden blinding clarity, I realized that everything that had been going on in that last minute or so had not been an attempt at make up sex.

His trembling when I first climbed into bed, the tears on his face, the way he'd quickly and powerfully rolled me underneath him, even the 'love bites' I abruptly saw for what they were.

Peeta was having an episode.

When he asked me that terrible question, I needed only to raise a knee slightly between his legs where I felt no stirring of an erection before I began to struggle against him. I realized that what was happening was Peeta's worst fear coming to life; he was full blown in the middle of an episode with me at his mercy and no one around to stop him.

"Peeta…please, get off of me!" I begged as hot tears rolled down my cheeks and he pulled his face back to look down into mine. My face crumpled as Buttercup pushed the bathroom door open a little wider, probably looking to lap up some of the remaining water in the shower, and I could finally see Peeta's face clearly since coming to bed.

"I ASKED YOU IF YOU GOT RID OF IT!" He screamed and I froze in terror at that horrible, horrible hijacked look in his eyes.

"No," I croaked out, trying to control my voice so as not to make the situation any worse. "No, Peeta! How c-could you ever think th-that?" I asked slowly as I looked pleadingly up into his eyes.

"Oh, I don't know…" he growled, and propped himself up so that he was looming over me, his hold on my arms just as tight. "Maybe because you left this morning, and were gone _all_ day. Then you show up here tonight and tell me you just _happened _ to get in to see the midwife and what a relief; you _aren't_ pregnant afterall?!" He spat and I could see the pain and sadness from earlier behind the hijacked rage that was warping his usually handsome face into that of a…a monster.

"Peeta, I know you're upset b…" I started calmly but he cut me off.

"UPSET!?" He screamed in my face and I squeezed my eyes shut tight as I felt my whole body beginning to tremble. "You think you…you can kill _my_ baby and get away with it!?" he said letting go of one of my arms as he reached up to grab my face with his fingers on either side of my chin. The move forced my chin up so that I would have been eye to eye with him if I wasn't closing my eyes so tightly. "LOOK AT ME!" he yelled and I tried to turn my head but couldn't for the hold he had on it.

I thought about using my newly free arm to try and push Peeta off of me but in the state he was in, with the advantage he already had of being on top of me and the paralyzing fear I felt, I knew I had no chance. I opened my eyes slowly, my chin trembling as I once again came face to face with the truth of what horrors he'd faced in the Capitol because of me.

"I wasn't p-p-pregnant, Peeta…" I whimpered. "I _didn't _k-kill our child…" I squeaked out, trying desperately to hold onto what control I had left in my heart and mind.

"LIAR! It's just like the baby you lost in the Quell! They _told_ me! They told me you had that one killed when they took you to 13!" he howled and I tried to scream when his hand holding my face slid down to wrap around my neck. I began to struggle instinctually, fighting for air as his long fingers that had done nothing but beautiful, loving things to me over the past 6 years tried to crush the life out of me.

As my legs squirmed on the bed, desperately trying to find some leverage to possibly lift him off of me, I realized Peeta had remembered to take off his prosthetic leg before bed and that this might be my only hope of getting away from him. I faked like I was trying to turn my body to the right where Peeta's good leg remained and when he shifted his body on top of me to better cover that side, I was able to free my right leg enough to drive the knee straight up into his groin.

"FUCK!" Peeta shouted and released his grip on my throat as both of his hands snapped immediately to his crotch.

Even hijacked, a man can't ignore a good, swift knee between the legs. As soon as he fell to his side with a cry of pain, I scrambled off of the bed and ran for the door, knowing that it would at least be a minute before he recovered from the hit and longer still before he would be able to grab his prosthetic and attach it to his leg.

I didn't even look behind me as I rushed down the steps and unlocked the front door with trembling fingers.

The cool, night air that had chilled me earlier felt welcome on my overheated skin as I raced across the lawn and around to Haymitch's kitchen door where I hoped I'd find him.

"HAYMITCH!" I screamed, pounding on the heavy door. "HAYMITCH LET ME IN!"

I stepped back, wrapping my arms around my quaking body as the porch light went on and a startled and surprisingly sober, Haymitch threw open the door. "What the hell happened?!" He said looking over at my dark house as he pulled me inside the kitchen and shut the door.

I threw myself into his arms, holding him tightly as I cried and tried to compose myself enough to explain why I had just practically broken his door down. To his credit, Haymitch just held me, stroking my hair until I had calmed enough for him to lead me over to a seat at the kitchen table.

He reached for the kettle on the stove but I grabbed the bottle of liquor beside me on the table instead and took a hearty swig.

"Katniss," He said sternly when I slammed the bottle back down on the table and coughed. "What. Happened?" Haymitch asked fixing his robe as he sat down in a chair he had placed right in front of mine.

I nodded as I worked to steady my breathing and demanded of myself that I get through telling him without bursting into tears again.

"Oh, Haymitch…I messed up…I messed up so bad…" I groaned and dug the heels of my hands into my eye sockets.

Haymitch nodded, trying to understand and reached out to hold my hands between both of his supportively. "Just…start at the beginning." He said softly and I did.

I told him about being stressed about my birthday and missing the shot, I even told him (without any trace of mortification) about my late period and realizing that I might have been pregnant.

I told him that was why I had been so quiet at breakfast that morning and he said he had suspected something was up when we left quickly after the meal was finished.

I told him about telling Peeta and how I'd handled my doubts about a pregnancy _less _than constructively which led to a fight with Peeta over what our next step was.

I told him about running off to the woods and falling asleep in the cabin, about the unscheduled visit to the mid wife who confirmed that I wasn't pregnant. I didn't even leave out the fact that she'd _asked _me if I wanted to have Peeta there before she did the test.

"Shit..." He mumbled and reached out to touch the red marks on either side of my neck gently. "Well….well what in the wide blue hell happened that led to this?" he asked and I could finally no longer hold back my tears.

"When I got home…" I began and sniffled quietly. "I…I found him out back watering the garden and I told him about stopping at the midwife and that she did the test and I wasn't pregnant and…and he got mad." I said and Haymitch raised his eyebrows, indicating he needed further explanation. "He…he was mad that I didn't call him to come down for the test because the results affected both of us, not just me—".

"—Which he's _exactly _right about." Haymitch interrupted and I dropped my eyes shamefully to my lap and stopped speaking. "Sorry…" He said waving a hand in front of him. "…continue." He said and I sniffled again and took the hanky he reached into his robe pocket for and blew my nose.

"So, we yelled at each other a little bit and Peeta went upstairs to shower." I explained quietly. "And….and I know he didn't want me to follow him so I figured I'd give him some time to cool off."I shook my head and smiled weakly at Haymitch. "I even thought about coming over here to sleep." I said and his sad smile back mirrored mine as I felt him tighten his grip on my hands slightly before I went on. "So I stayed out on the porch for a while just…thinking I guess, and then…then I took a shower myself and went to bed…." I said quietly, hating to have to revisit the terrible incident that followed so soon after it had happened.

"I thought he was sleeping but when I…when I got into bed I whispered to him that I was sorry and I could tell the he was crying." I blew my nose again and wrapped my trembling fingers tightly around it to give me the strength to go on. "I just…I just wanted him to hold me." I said, my voice breaking on the word hold. "And…then we…"I felt my face blush slightly as I realized I was about to tell Haymitch about the angry make up sex foreplay I had _thought_ we were engaging in before everything went wrong. "We started kissing…and I thought maybe he'd forgiven me but….but then I was….I was under him and he was holding my arms down and he was just…he was so rough and not like Peeta at all." I explained in a whisper and shook my head as I closed my eyes, humiliated.

A dark shadow passed over Haymitch's face and he opened and closed his mouth a few times before he was able to say what was on his mind. "Did he…" He was barely able to choke the words out and my eyes widened in shock.

"Oh! No, no, no…he didn't….force himself on me or anything." I assured him and Haymitch released an audible sigh of relief before I continued.

"He started asking me if I had gotten rid of the baby and talking about the fake baby in the Quarter Quell and how 'they' had told him I had killed that one so of course, it's not hard for him to make the leap that I would have done it again." By this point I was rambling and Haymitch reached out to touch my chin, gently tilting it so that I looked up at him. "And then he tried to strangle me again. Just like he did in 13." I said swallowing a lump in my throat. "I knew I had to get out of there and when I felt that he wasn't wearing his prosthetic….I…kneed him in the balls and got out of there as fast as I could." I forced out and dropped back against the kitchen chair with a deep, shuddering sigh.

Haymitch winced a little when I described how I'd hurt Peeta before he sat back in his own chair with a sigh. "Was the letter on the doorknob?" he asked and I shook my head.

"I didn't see it if it was." I said with a shrug and looked towards the door nervously. "Do you think he's coming over here?" I asked meekly and Haymitch looked at the door too.

"You stay _right here_, you hear me?" he asked and I nodded vigorously. "I'll go check on him. I'm sure if he's snapped out of it he's going to be hating himself so I'll stay there tonight and try to…sort things out for him now that I know what all went on." Haymitch stood from his chair and started for the door before stopping abruptly and turning back to the table.

"What?" I asked and shrank back from him but Haymitch just walked to the table, grabbed the bottle of liquor I'd drank from and turned back to the door. As he stepped outside, he turned back to look at me pointedly.

"Lock this and the door of whichever room you choose to sleep in." He said sternly before slamming the door shut behind him. I went to the door and watched Haymitch make his way across the lawn and up the steps to our house before I threw the deadbolt and turned to lean my back against the door. I slowly slid to the floor and pulled my legs up under my chin and lay my cheek on my knees.

I wanted to scream and cry and throw things. I wanted to curse the fallen Capitol, grab my bow, and hunt down every single person who had been involved in Peeta's torture from those who had actually carried it out with their own hands, all the way down to the technicians who had built whatever machines were used to hurt Peeta and warp his beautiful mind into thinking I was his enemy.

Instead, I just sat there unable to move until I knew that the man I wanted to marry was alright.


	31. Chapter 26

**A/N Thanks to everyone who has stuck with this story since I first posted it in January and also to the newbies who have only found it in the past few days and weeks (and read it straight through from chapter 1-30 in some cases! You rock!) I also need to say a big thank you to my best friend Jackie who has been forced to read most of these before I post them and in some cases, read rambling text messages where I bounced ideas off of her or freaked out because I had no idea where I was going to go with something! We ARE the epitome of that e-card going around online that says "I'm glad I can talk to you about fictional characters as if they were real, and have you still think I'm sane." :) **

**Enjoy! and as always, reviews are welcome! **

**Chapter 26**

**_Your eyes, they shine so bright_**

**_I want to save their light_**

**_I can't escape this now_**

**_Unless you show me how_**

**"Demons"-Imagine Dragons**

(_Peeta)_

If I had known in those past 6-7 years that a swift kick to the nuts was the quickest and easiest way to end a full blown episode….I probably would still have opted for hiding behind the door with the red X rather than the kick to the nuts.

There was a split second of blissful delay between Katniss' knee connecting with my groin, and my senses telling my hijacked brain to take a back seat because 'the homeland was under attack'.

As soon as they did announce it loud and clear though, I saw stars and my eyes (which were already teary from whatever I was dealing with during the episode) watered as I screamed and grabbed my aching dick.

I was on my stomach in the middle of the bed and as I turned to my side and pulled my knees up towards my chest, I pried my eyes open just long enough to see Katniss racing for the stairs in the dim light of the room. I tried to call out to her but hadn't yet recovered my voice so instead I just listened to the sound of her bare feet slapping against each step as she hurried to get away from…me.

"Katniss!" I cried after her when I could finally speak, but all I heard in response was the door slamming shut downstairs. Of course, this sent me into a panic because I was just beginning to put together what had happened to make her run away from me so I was sure she was leaving me and never coming back. "KATNISS!? No! Wait!" I howled, trying to scramble off of the bed with my hand still at my crotch and only one good leg to try and get me there.

All I managed to do was go crashing to the hardwood floor, bashing an elbow and the stump of my left leg in the process and making me curse some more. I rolled to my back, hissing in pain and frustration as my whole body shook from the fear that Katniss had finally had enough of dealing with an unstable, and sometimes murderous, cripple.

I may have been angry with her when I went to bed, but I had just wanted to take the night to calm down before having a serious talk with her the next day about her needing to be more trusting and open with me regarding what's going on in the shared part of our lives together. Whatever she did or didn't want to tell me about her own past and experiences was up to Katniss. I trusted her enough to confide in me whatever she felt comfortable, just as I knew she trusted me to do the same with my own history.

But when what she was choosing _not_ to tell me directly affected not only our personal relationship, but also my often fragile mental state, she needed to know that she was absolutely in the wrong and I had planned to tell her so after a good night's sleep.

I wish I could say that I remember everything that happened that night after I climbed into bed. I wish I could explain what first set off the episode that night, or what I had been thinking when (as Haymitch had told me later) I manhandled and then tried to choke the only girl I've ever loved. I wish there was some easy way to explain how badly my torturers in the Capitol had damaged my mind, but all I remember about my time there is how wholly convinced of Katniss' deception they had made me.

I lay on the floor just long enough to stop the room from spinning and my leg and elbow to stop ringing from the pain of falling on the floor before I pulled myself up into a sitting position and reached for my prosthetic leg.

I knew there was no safer place for Katniss to have run to than Haymitch's and I desperately needed to make sure she was okay. As I stood from the floor after replacing my leg, I reached immediately for the phone and mumbled a curse as I realized I had left it downstairs when I called Haymitch earlier in the day to see if she'd been over there at all.

I had just reached the bottom of the stairs next to the front door when it opened loudly and Haymitch stumbled into the house breathing heavily. Before I could utter a single word, He had his goose herding cane raised, ready to cold cock me should I take any kind of violent action against him.

"Woah! Woah! Woah! I'm alright!" I yelled raising my hands to protect my face as I skidded to a stop in front of him. Haymitch lowered the cane but kept his eyes trained suspiciously on mine as he stepped aside a little to look me over.

"You sure? It sounds like things were pretty…serious." He said trying to be vague. But Haymitch being vague meant that he didn't want to say anything that might upset me about what had happened with Katniss and that also meant that whatever Katniss told him I did must have been pretty fucking awful.

I just nodded my head in response, still trying to catch my breath from my dash down the steps and bent over with my hands on my knees. "Where is she? Is she alright?" I asked looking up at Haymitch from where I was still bent over.

"She's…okay. She's over at my place and staying there the rest of the night so no arguments about it. You can see her tomorrow." He said sternly and I hung my head in relief that Katniss was somewhere safe for the time being. "Alright, come on. Get over to the couch and lie down while I get you some water." He mumbled and gently led me to the living room with one hand at the crook of my elbow.

I dropped to the couch lying longways on my back and stared up at the ceiling. I could feel my whole body trembling with a mixture of adrenaline and fear and I brought both hands to my face, covering my eyes as I tried desperately to remember all that had happened up in the bedroom. What flashes I was able to piece together had me trembling even harder.

I heard Haymitch coming back into the room but still kept my face covered until I heard him sit down on the edge of the coffee table beside me. "Hey, sit up and drink this, boy." He said using the same tone I've heard Katniss use when approaching wounded animals in the forest. "You'll feel better." He said and I huffed a sarcastic laugh as I sat up slowly and turned toward him.

"Promise?" I asked hoarsely and took the glass he was holding out to me. Haymitch smiled ruefully and shook his head as he twiddled with the cane he had resting across his lap.

"Hell no." he admitted and raised his eyes from the cane to look into my face. "I'd only promise you that if there was vodka in there instead of water." He smirked and watched me until I had downed the whole glass and set it aside on the table.

"What did I do?" I asked when I finally thought I sort of had my wits about me. I knew that Haymitch was going to be evasive but it still pissed me off when he sighed and looked at the front door shaking his head. "Haymitch…" I warned and he swung his eyes back to mine. "Tell me. Please." I begged and he sighed heavily and ran a hand nervously through his chin length hair before he blew out a breath.

"Why don't you tell me what you remember and I'll fill in the blanks as we go along?" he asked and I thought on it for a long time before I sat back against the cushions with a slow nod. I wiped my sweaty hands on the pajama bottoms I was wearing and stared straight ahead out the front window as I began to speak quietly.

"I…remember Katniss coming home…" I mumbled and looked towards the kitchen where the back door to the porch was. "I was watering the flowers we put in yesterday and I kinda ignored her when she came out to tell me she brought dinner home with her." I explained and then looked up suddenly as I realized Haymitch might not know what exactly we were fighting about.

He could obviously tell by the look on my face what I was about to say. "She told me everything…about the pregnancy scare and all that." He said waving a dismissive hand and then leaned forward with his elbows on his knees. "What to you remember about going to bed? Do you remember showering?" He asked and I nodded.

"Yeah…but…things get a little…shiny after that." I admitted and scratched the back of my head nervously. "I know…I know I was upset…" I said and moved both hands to grip my knees when I realized they were beginning to shake again. "…because Katniss went to the midwife without me and had a pregnancy test done." I said with a sigh and looked to Haymitch for confirmation that I was on the right track.

"So far so good…what next?" he asked and I dropped my eyes to the cane he was still fiddling with, wishing for a moment that he would have just bashed me over the head with it and I wouldn't have to deal with this conversation until the next morning at the earliest.

"And…and then Katniss came to bed and I heard her whisper something…" I said closing my eyes and trying to take myself back to that moment. "I…I don't know…I think she said…." I groaned and leaned forward with my elbows on my knees, my hands going back up to cover my face. "…she said she was sorry…" I forced out as terrible images of Katniss on an operating table, grinning madly as a trio of white-masked doctors work below her waist, talking flippantly about the abortion they are performing. "I…I guess 'bad Peeta' heard it too and thought she was saying she was sorry for ending the pregnancy or…or something like that…" I forced out in barely a whisper.

I startled slightly when one of Haymitch's hands fell on my shoulder just to let me know he was there. "Real or not real?" I asked looking pleadingly at him through my fingers.

"Not real, kid." He said sadly and squeezed my shoulder lightly. "She might not have been particularly excited about the possibility, but you know that girl could never do anything to harm a child of yours." He said with such bare honestly that even 'bad Peeta' couldn't argue with him.

I nodded solemnly and looked back to the front window and sighed. "I guess that's when the episode started because I can't really rememeber anything else until Katniss…" I trailed off and Haymitch smirked again.

"Buried her knee in your baby maker?" he asked and then straightened his shoulders a little and tilted his head as if considering something. "Kinda ironic, huh?" he said and I glared at him. "Sorry…I keep doing that." He mumbled and then cleared his throat and picked up the bottle of liquor he'd set on the coffee table beside him.

He took a large gulp and offered me the bottle next. "Might settle your nerves a little." He said with a shrug. "I'm hoping it calmed your sweetheart over there down enough for her to go up to bed and get a little sleep at least." He said and I looked between his face and the bottle a few times before swiping it from his hands and taking a large swig myself.

I coughed and sputtered a little, my own taste for alcohol was mostly limited to the wine Katniss and I sometimes drank on the porch together at the end of the day and even that took us about a month to go through a bottle of together. Haymitch took the bottle back from me and the look on his face told me that what he was about to say might have me asking for another swallow.

"Is she _really_ okay?" I asked suddenly perking up at the mention of Katniss as I leaned in to hear what he had to say. "Did…did I…hurt her?" I asked, barely able to make the question form on my lips.

Haymitch shrugged again and looked around the dark living room in such a way that I knew he was mentally preparing himself for what he was about to say. He was faking nonchalance but that was all it was; faking.

I _had_ hurt her.

"No…no-no-no-no-no-no-no…." I whispered and covered my ears with my hands and started rocking back and forth pathetically on the couch. Haymitch waited patiently for my fit to pass and when I finally was able to make eye contact with him again, I begged him to tell me what I had done even as tears coursed down my cheeks.

"_please_ Haymitch…what did I do to her?" I asked shakily and he took a steadying breath before he explained it all in agonizing detail.

The way I'd held her down, the way I'd left love bites that were just a little too forceful. When he told me about grabbing her arms and holding her down, I sucked my bottom lip into my mouth and squeezed it between my teeth so hard I was surprised I didn't draw blood.

"Is that what made her run? Is…is that why she kneed me?" I asked when he stopped for a moment to let everything he'd said so far slowly sink in to my scrambled brain.

As soon as the question was completely out of my mouth though, I had another flash of what had happened, the image rising to the surface and then branding itself to my brain in that split second.

Katniss' big grey eyes looking up at me with fear. Not the open love I usually saw when looking down into her eyes from on top of her in bed, but the kind of fear you see in the eyes of someone reliving their worst nightmare. The kind of fear you see in the eyes of someone reliving one of the worst moments of your shared life together.

"FUCK!" I screamed and gripped the sides of my head as I finally understood what I had done. "No, please….no…" I pleaded looking down at Haymitch who was looking sadly up at me from the coffee table. "Please tell me I didn't…." I begged and dropped to the floor on my knees as I began to cry.

Haymitch could only reach out and pat the back of my head supportively as I looked up at him through my tears. "I…I strangled her?" I asked, my voice breaking like it hadn't since I went through puberty. I stared up at Haymitch pleading with my eyes for him to tell me even though the memory I'd just experienced had already provided me with the answer.

Haymitch couldn't lie to me but I took his silence as anwer enough. As my face crumbled into another bout of sobbing tears, the last thing I remembered was Haymitch tugging me forward into his arms as I buried my face in his shoulder and cried. I remember thinking fleetingly of all the times my father had held me like that when I was small and had gotten caught in the crosshairs of my mother's bad temper, just before everything went wonderfully black.

I woke to the sound of a mockingjay singing and opened my eyes slowly to find I was back in my and Katniss' bedroom. I lifted my head from the pillow it was on and slowly turned my face into it because Katniss' scent still clung to the fabric.

The mockingjay trilled again and I lifted my face away from the pillow with a groan. I was preparing to yell at the bird when I realized it was singing a particular and familiar tune.

It was singing The Valley Song.

I sat up too quickly and the room spun slightly. "Ahh…shit…" I muttered and dropped back onto the bed with my eyes closed until it stopped. Thankfully, the bird continued to sing just outside the window where it was perched in one of our apple trees. When I finally felt okay, I sat up slowly and walked over to the window, rubbing my leg where it connected to the prosthesis.

The bird hopped from branch to branch and went higher up into the tree when it saw me coming. "No, no…wait!" I whispered and opened the window more so that I could stick my head out. The bird had obviously been around Katniss that morning and I wished I could just ask it where she was and how she was doing. Because I couldn't, I hung my head out the window to try and see Haymitch's porch around the front of the house.

My shoulders sagged slightly when I didn't see her there but I was determined to find out where she was and then apologize every day for the rest of my life for what I'd done.

I turned away from the window to get a shirt out of my dresser and hissed as I felt a pinch in my leg again. I couldn't have expected Haymitch to remember to take my leg off when I went to sleep. Hell, I found it pretty damn impressive that he had been able to get me up the stairs and into bed on his own.

I dressed in jeans and a t-shirt after rubbing some pain cream onto my leg and headed downstairs to find my shoes so that I could go see where Katniss was and make sure that she was alright after my…attack the night before.

I sat on the bottom step to put my shoes on and also to give me a second to try and think of what the hell I was going to say to Katniss when I finally saw her. _If _she even wanted to see me that was.

"She's out on the swing." Haymitch said from where he lay on the couch with his eyes closed. I finished tying my shoes and stood from the step.

He was stretched out with his feet propped on the end of the couch closest to me, his feet were bare and his clothes rumpled so I knew he must have spent the night there.

"I looked out the window upstairs. I didn't see her there, are you sure sh…" I started and Haymitch folded his arms behind his head and opened his eyes.

"Not my porch, dummy. Yours." He said with a soft smile and looked me over in such a fatherly way that I had to smile. I was surprised that Katniss would be so close to me after what I'd put her through less than 12 hours before, but I hoped it was a good sign.

"You doing okay, kid?" Haymitch asked as his face quickly turned serious and he leaned up on his elbows a little.

I took a deep breath and looked around the house before I answered. It was still early and the sun had obviously just risen outside, casting the room in a soft orange glow that almost matched the orange of the sun_sets_ I loved so much. The quiet ticking of the clock I'd managed to somehow save from the rubble of my family's home above the bakery was the only sound in the room besides mine and Haymitch's soft breathing. Buttercup watched me suspiciously from the bay window in the dining room, probably wondering what the hell all that screaming and yelling was about the night before. He looked like he wanted to be angry with me but the tip of his tail twitched back and forth letting me know that if I was interested in giving him a quick scratch behind the ear, he wouldn't be opposed.

Despite everything that had gone wrong in my life, (a distant mother, being chosen for the Games, losing my leg, losing my family, the hijacking...) standing in the middle of the house I shared with Katniss and looking at all of the little things that made this place our home, I felt at peace. At peace with the episodes I would likely always battle, with the torture that had made them a part of my life, even at peace with the fact that Katniss might never be my wife because I _did_ know deep in my heart that she would be with me for the rest of our lives regardless.

If she had not run away yet after all we'd been through in the time we'd known each other, hell, if she hadn't run away after what happened just that night, then she clearly wasn't planning on going anywhere. She might not ever wear my ring, but she wore the pearl I gave her around her neck every single day.

I realized I'd been quiet for too long when Haymitch swung his legs around to sit up on the couch and tensed. "Yeah…yeah, I'm…I'm actually pretty great." I said with an embarrassed laugh and nodded towards the front door. "I'm gonna go see my girl now if that's okay with the guard dog?" I asked raising my eyebrows at him with a little smile.

Haymitch rolled his eyes but couldn't hide the genuine smile that worked its way to his face a few seconds later. "Sure, just behave." He said with a wink and I hurried to the door and pulled it open.

As I stepped out onto the porch already turning towards the swing on the right, my eyes met hers. Katniss was sitting on the swing like she'd been only the morning before, her knees drawn up to her chin under her nightgown, her hair falling in loose waves around her shoulders. She had the tell-tale dark circles of poor sleep under her eyes but it didn't take away from even a fraction of how beautiful she was to me.

I froze, not sure if she would be okay with me approaching her so soon after what I'd done to, her but she just smiled softly and beckoned me over with a pat to the swing beside her.

"You sure?" I asked nervously and she only nodded and offered me a reassuring smile. I slowly made my way over to sit down beside her on the swing and pushed us back and forth a few times with my feet on the porch. I needed a moment to think of how exactly to say 'I'm sorry' to someone you love who you had just almost killed hours ago.

"Katniss…" I started quietly as I looked out across the small street at Haymitch's house. "You have…._no idea_ how sorry I am for what I did." I said turning my head to look at her sadly and dropping my eyes to the seat between us when I saw the bruises on her neck.

"Actually, I know exactly how sorry you are, Peeta." She said confidently and I lifted my eyes back to hers in shock as Katniss reached over to hold my hand on the swing. "And frankly, I'm insulted that you still don't see how similar our circumstances are while you're having an episode." She said sternly and my brow furrowed in confusion.

"I told you once when we were first back here in 12 that the reason I want to be the one to help you through your episodes is because I'm the reason you have to deal with them in the first place. And as hard as it is for you to accept that there's always going to be a part of you that wants to hurt me, there is a part of me that finds it equally difficult to accept that they did this to you to get at me." She said in almost a whisper. "That…every time you're locked behind a door suffering, it's like _I'm_ slowly strangling the life out of _you_." Katniss explained and squeezed my hand gently.

I dropped my eyes back to the seat and our entwined hands and then turned towards her and reached up with my free hand to gently touch her neck. I traced the bruises with my finger tips and sighed sadly. "Sure, my bruises might be physical…" She said taking both of my hands and holding them in her lap. "But you have just as many emotional and mental ones so don't go trying to tell me it's not the same. It is." Katniss insisted and squeezed my hands gently.

"Besides," She said when I finally made eye contact with her again. "you may have hurt me last night, but I hurt you first with that midwife crap. I knew well and good how it might look to you and I still went in to see her anyway and had the test done by myself because that's just how I am. I'm not making excuses, I'm just…I'm telling you that I've been…responsible for so _many _things for so _much _of my life just taking care of things for my family like hunting and trading, that I forgot to consider how you might feel about things. You were right…" She said stroking her thumbs over the backs of my hands soothingly.

"It's not just me or you. It's _us_." I sensed that she was getting nervous and honestly, it made me a little anxious as well to see her that way, especially considering what I had done to her. Was she going to say we should spend some time apart? Split up completely? Had the last week while she thought she might be pregnant with my child shown her that she really didn't want to be with me?

"It always has been." She said looking up into my eyes and biting her bottom lip. "I thought I was confused about my feelings after our first Games…but…but you saved my life and my mom and Prim's lives when we were just 11-years-old and I _never_ forgot that, Peeta. Never." She whispered and reached up to kiss my lips with such gentleness that I couldn't help kissing her back even though I was still afraid to be so close to her after what I'd done.

"You didn't just give me food when you gave me that loaf of bread, you gave me hope." She whispered and stroked my cheek. I smiled sadly and reached up with one hand to lightly stroke her wrist. "Something I thought I had lost when my father died and never realized how desperately I needed returned to me until I got it back that day in the rain. I never understood, until that moment with the bread, just how important hope is. How powerful it can be in the right hands." She said and that nervousness returned to her voice as she took my hands again and squeezed each one gently.

"Over the past 6 years, I don't feel like I've appropriately returned the favor to you, but I'd like to start making that up to you right now." She said and gazed steadily into my eyes. "I will _never_ keep something like this from you again." She promised and I smiled softly and leaned in to kiss her lips as a thank you.

"Good." I said when we pulled back and nodded my head. "That's a good start, Kat." I whispered and leaned my forehead against hers, relaxing slightly. We stayed that way for a long time before I finally pulled back and looked down at her. I tried not to make a face as I reached out and touched the bruises on her neck again and Katniss sighed and wrapped her hands around my wrists.

"Stop." She murmured and glanced down between my legs quickly. "I'm fine, I promise." She said and cringed. "How are you by the way?" Katniss asked and glanced down at my crotch again. "No…permanent dammage?" she asked and I chuckled softly and shook my head.

"Nah, you know him," I joked and followed her gaze to my crotch. "eats right, gets…regular exercise…" I teased and Katniss rolled her eyes. "Besides, it's the first time I've taken a knee to the balls. It makes me feel like a little bit of a bad ass…rogueish even." I said chuckling as Katniss gave my shoulder a playful shove. "And if it had to be anyone who did it, I'm glad it was my girlfriend who can surely make it up to him at her earliest convenience…" I said tugging her over onto my lap and smacking playful kisses all over her face.

"Now I know _my_ Peeta is really back." Katniss groaned and looped her arms around my neck, kissing me slowly. When we pulled back a few moments later, Katniss scrunched her nose up, regarding me closely.

"What…do I smell bad or something?" I asked, puzzled by her reaction. I was also a little worried again as I saw that anxious look return to her eyes. Katniss shook her head and chuckled as she adjusted herself where she still sat with her legs draped over my lap.

"No, no, nothing like that I just…it sounds funny to hear you call me your girlfriend still." She said and I frowned, confused about what she could possibly have meant. Katniss must have noticed my expression because she tried to explain.

"What I mean I guess, is we've been living together for years, we own the bakery together, share our bedroom with the ugliest cat in Panem every night, take care of Haymitch together…" she said and we both chuckled. "I dunno…I guess it just…doesn't feel like enough to call each other boyfriend and girlfriend anymore." She shrugged and I rubbed a hand up and down her back, trying to figure out where she was going with this. What did she mean? What else could we call each other?

"You mean like…I should start calling you my… _lover_?" I asked arching one eyebrow and giving her my best sexy, smoldering look which made her laugh again.

I stopped rubbing her back when she squirmed slightly and dropped one hand to toy nervously with the pearl around her neck. "Well…no, not…not exactly." She said quietly and glanced back and forth between my lips and my eyes. "I was thinking that… fiancée has a better ring to it… don't you think?" She said looking into my eyes and biting her bottom lip in that nervous way again.

I had to admit it. I was stone-cold shocked. The look on my face must have said as much because Katniss smiled slowly and nodded her head.

"You…you want to marry me?" I asked and Katniss nodded again. "This isn't just because of the fight over the baby, is it?" I asked finding it hard not to be just a little suspicious of her motives. I was even more surprised when she admitted that it had played at least a small part in her change of heart.

"It's a little about the fight over the baby, but only because it took seeing how hurt you were by me keeping something from you. I realized that something else I was keeping from you was that…" She stumbled over her words a little bit. "…that part of the reason I've been putting you off about marriage is because of the stuff with my parents…but um…" she leaned sideways against the back of the swing and I kept holding one of her hands. I put the other on one of her knees that was stretched over my lap, squeezing it gently to offer her the support to keep going. "…it's also because of Prim." She mumbled and I leaned back against the swing too.

"How do you mean?" I asked reaching to tilt her chin up so that she was looking at me.

Katniss sighed and smiled sadly. "I mean…I'm getting to do everything that Prim never will." She said simply with a little shrug. "I've had my first kiss. As far as I know, Prim never got to have that." She whispered and looked sadly out across the yard. "I have my own home, a business with the guy I love who I get to come home with every night. I'm…moving on, I'm living. And she's dead." She finished and I nodded slowly as I realized what she was getting at.

"And I guess I've been feeling absolutely shitty about that for all of this time without really knowing where it was coming fro…"

"Prim did have her first kiss you know." I interrupted with a secret smile and grinned widely at the look on Katniss' face.

"What?!" She asked sitting up straighter as I saw tears spring to her eyes. I wouldn't have laughed if I didn't know for sure that they were happy tears. I nodded and looked out over the lawn myself, savoring for a moment that I was going to be able to give Katniss this gift from her little sister who I'd accidentally interrupted during a special moment in her young, unfinished life.

"Mmhmm…." I said letting go of her hand and wrapping my arm around her shoulders as she turned to sit next to me, hip to hip and I finally started to tell her the story. "It was about…oh, I guess maybe a month or two after we got back from the Games and I was working at the bakery with my dad." I said leaning my head back against the house and stroking Katniss' arm gently as I continued. "It was just after school had let out for the day and we usually got a few town kids, the occasional Seam brat…" I grinned and Katniss jabbed me with her elbow. "But uh…I was just putting out a plateful of fresh cookies in the display case when Prim walked in…" I said smiling softly. "…with Vick Hawthorne."

"Are you _kidding me_?!" Katniss screeched and turned so that she was facing me, her legs crossed under the nightgown she was wearing. I couldn't help laughing at the absolutely appalled look on her face. "He…he was TWO YEARS older than Prim!" She said accusingly as if I hadn't already known that.

"I'm aware." I said dryly and rested my arm on the back of the swing, waiting for Katniss to calm down. She opened and closed her mouth several time and folded her arms over her chest. "You done?" I asked raising my eyebrows and Katniss pouted and gestured for me to continue.

"Anyway, I said hello to them both but a bunch of other kids walked in just after them so things got pretty busy at the register. I _did_ make sure to keep an eye on what they were up to so you know, you're welcome." I smirked at her and Katniss rolled her eyes.

"So what? They just…kissed in the middle of the bakery?" She asked and I shook my head.

"No, no…nothing as brazen as that." I assured her. "Umm…Vick saw Prim eyeing the cookies I'd just put out and he offered to get one for her. I could just hear him ask over the racket of the other kids in the room and Prim shook her head real shyly and said something about how he should save the money for something practical that he needed, not waste it on cookies." I said and chuckled again. "Vick, he uh…he looked a little like his ego took a hit so while Prim went outside to look at the cakes in the window, I called him over to the counter and slipped him a napkin with two of the biggest cookies in the bunch wrapped in it." I smiled thinking of his face when I gave him the cookies and how he had tried to give me what little money he had on him in payment for them.

"I told him the cookies were misshapen and no one would want to buy them anyway." I whispered and Katniss moved on the swing so that she was lying back against my arm again and turned her head to nuzzle my neck softly. "I know my dad saw what I did, but he just kept on ringing kids up at the register like he hadn't seen a thing." I said and felt a pang in my chest as it hit me just how much I missed my father. Katniss must have heard something in my voice because she brought her arms up around my torso and snuggled into my chest.

" So I uhh…I winked at Vick and his ears turned bright red while he thanked me quickly and then rushed outside with the cookies, I guess to find Prim." I sighed happily at the memory and then shrugged slightly. "I didn't see him give her the cookie but a few minutes later I was taking some trash out back and when I walked around the side of the building to the dumpster….I saw Vick leaning back against the side bakery in the alley and little Prim up on tip toes with her lips pressed to his." I grinned and Katniss shook her head against my chest.

"I can't believe she never told me that." She mumbled and I kissed the top of head. "I can't believe _you_ never told me that." She said pulling back a little to look up at me accusingly.

"Hey, she asked me not to." I said raising my hands defensively and Katniss' eyes widened and she sat up a little better.

"She _knew_ that you saw her?" She asked shocked and I nodded slowly and pulled her back into my arms comfortably.

"Of course she knew I saw her," I laughed. "They jumped apart like the other was on fire when they noticed I was standing there." I explained and shook my head as I thought of how embarrassed they both had been. "Prim ran right over to me and begged me not to say anything to you or Gale and I looked over her head at Vick. He obviously hadn't told Prim that the cookies were given to him for free and since I assumed he didn't want Prim to know about that, I just shrugged and told them both that I knew how to keep a secret. Vick just scratched the back of his head and told Prim he trusted me not to say anything."

When I didn't say anything more, Katniss shook her head slowly while she took in everything I had said. "She _did_ have her first kiss." She whispered and sighed happily. "With Vick-freaking-Hawthorne of all boys." She groaned and tilted her head to look up at me. "Thank you, Peeta." She said quietly. "I'm so glad you were at the bakery that day to help Prim make that special memory to take with her when she died." Katniss said and climbed over me, straddling my lap and looped her arms around my neck. "You have quite the habit of making women in the Everdeen family love you." She teased and I rolled my eyes thinking of how her mother doted on me whenever she came to visit us.

"Yeah, well, I'd say after you just telling me you want to marry me, one Everdeen woman in particular has just made me the happiest man on earth." I whispered and leaned forward to kiss her softly. "Tell me again…" I murmured against her lips and Katniss pulled back to look into my face.

"_Ask_ me again." She whispered and I grinned.

"Marry me, Katniss…" I said staring straight into her eyes. There was a moment where she smiled playfully at me and then shrugged as if it was no big deal.

"Yeah, sure. Why not?" She said and laughed as I grabbed her around the middle and began to tickle her. Katniss leaned away from my tickling and lay back on the other end of the swing, tugging me with her so that I was lying out on top of her, my legs settled onto either side of her hips.

"I love you." I whispered, looking down into her eyes. Katniss reached up and stroked my cheek lovingly before wrapping her hand around my neck and pulling me down for a long, slow kiss.

"I love you too, Peet…so much." She murmured against my lips and gasped when she felt my arousal against her thigh. "Take me to bed?" she asked in such a soft but husky breath that my hips surged forward into hers of their own will and I moaned softly.

"But Haymitch is inside…" I said and we both jumped up to a sitting position, startled by his voice coming from right behind us at the door.

"No, he's not…" he growled and we both had to hold back a laugh as we noticed he was covering his eyes. "All made up then I assume?" he grumbled and we both said 'yes' at the same time. "Teriffic." He said with a sigh and uncovered his eyes so that he could cast us a mock-disgusted look as he started down the steps to the lawn.

We watched him go, me pushing the swing back and forth gently again with one foot on the floor when Haymitch turned suddenly in the middle of the yard.

"Oh right, where are my manners…" he said and looked between the two of us with the most genuine smile either of us had ever seen from Haymitch. "Congratulations." He said even as he continued walking backwards toward his front steps.

Katniss and I both smiled shyly at each other and then looked at Haymitch, grinning like idiots. "Thanks, Haymitch." I said tugging Katniss over into my side and kissing her forehead.

Only a few short minutes later, there was a trail of clothing climbing the stairs to the second floor of our house leading to the bedroom. I was stretched out on top of Katniss under the covers of our bed, thrusting slowly into her as we both moaned and whispered loving words back and forth to each other. The mechanics were just like any other time we'd made love, but different because I was overwhelmed by the new feelings I had for Katniss since she told me she'd marry me, like the very blood in my veins was calling out to the blood in hers.

She was going to be my wife.

When we collapsed into a sweaty heap together after both reaching our climaxes, I turned to my back looking up at the ceiling. I worked to catch my breath and Katniss slid over to rest her head over my heart and covered the hand I had resting on my stomach with her own.

"fiancée." I whispered between pants for air and felt Katniss smile against my chest.

"So are you going to turn my necklace into a ring now?" she asked and I shook my head, reaching over into my nightstand and pulling out a small velvet box as I sat up against the headboard. Katniss moved so that she was sitting between my legs, her back against my chest as I opened the box and showed her the ring I'd been carrying around with me since I'd asked her on the steps of the bakery that first time at the Harvest Festival. I'd gotten the ring a few weeks before but hadn't had it on me during the festival since asking her had been a spur of the moment thing that night.

"How long have you had this?" She asked shocked and I shrugged and gave her a coy smile that said I would never tell. "It's beautiful, Peeta. Thank you." She said turning her head to kiss me before I took out the simple, yet elegant diamond ring and slid it onto her finger.

She held her hand out in the early afternoon light for us both to look at it and then I took her hand and brought it to my lips to kiss the ring. As we lay there together, I felt that same sense of peace I'd felt standing in the living room that morning and knew a small part of 'bad Peeta' had been slain and would never return.

I vowed right then and there that I would never again let him put his hands on Katniss to harm her. And in the nine years since that day, I've never physically hurt Katniss during an episode again.

"So how long do you need to ease into the fiancée thing before you actually marry me?" I asked as we looked at the ring. Katniss chuckled softly and shrugged, turning her head to look up at me through her touseled bangs.

"Eh…at least like…a year or two? That's not _too _bad is it?" She asked crinkling her nose and I shook my head and laughed.

"I told you, woman." I said bringing my lips down onto hers and rolling us over so that I was on top of her again. "I'd wait forever for you." I grinned and kissed my way down her neck before quickly switching gears and tickling her hard as she began to screech and giggle and I pulled the covers over our heads.


	32. Interlude 6

Interlude 6

"Look! Look! Mommy, I catched one!" Bow screeches, barreling across Haymitch's backyard with a jar in her outstretched hands. Haymitch and I are sitting across from each other with a small fire pit lit between us as the children run off what is hopefully the last of the energy they built up between napping and stuffing themselves with cupcakes in the afternoon.

When Bow complained that she and Finn were 'bored' about an hour ago, Haymitch got them each an old jar and a lid from inside the house and told them to try and catch some fireflies. I warned him earlier that he had better be prepared to start running laps around the house with the kids if they were still hyped up by bath and bedtime which was drawing nearer and nearer.

"Very nice!" I say excitedly as Bow leans over the arm of my chair with a single firefly blinking steadily away inside the jar she's holding.

"It's caught, actually." Haymitch corrects and I cut him a stern look to which he shrugs his shoulders petulantly. Bow gives him a similar look as I lift her up onto my lap and she shows me her firefly.

"Seriously, be a grown up." I say in a sing song voice to Haymitch with a big, overdone grin and he rolls his eyes and turns his attention to Finn, smiling. Over the course of the last hour, my son has figured out that his best shot at catching any fireflies is to sit in the middle of the lawn and wait for them to land in the grass around him and then slam the jar over top of them.

Now, I'm not one to go all gaga over my kids' minor achievements, but I think that was a pretty damn smart move on his part being as he's only 2 and a half. I say I _think_ it was pretty smart because it's become very obvious that the idea of using the lid to hold the bugs inside once he catches them is totally lost on Finn.

"Bad buggy! You stay here!" Finn bellows and shakes the jar in front of his face angrily as another one easily finds escape once he has lifted the mouth of the jar up from the ground.

"You need to put the lid on, son! The buggies are going to keep on leaving unless you shut the door!" Haymitch calls out to him and mimes tightening a lid on top of an imaginary jar. Finn, who is about 20 feet away from us, looks at Haymitch then at the jar in his hand and then the lid lying next to his foot.

"Uh-uh-uh…Paw-paw does it?" he asks holding the jar up towards Haymitch with big sad eyes that we can see are shining in the dark. Haymitch is already shaking his head no from his comfy position lounging in his chair when he catches my eye and I smirk.

"Cupcakes." I say as if that should be explanation enough, and it is. Haymitch's shoulders drop and he mumbled to himself as he stands slowly and makes his way over to his waiting grandson. "Put this on him, it's getting cold." I say tossing a sweater at Haymitch which he catches easily and continues over to Finn and sits down on the ground with him slowly.

"Can you help me catch some more too, Mommy?" Bow asks as I pull a sweater over her head as well and snuggle her in my arms. I feel my heart swell as Bow lays her head on my chest gently and plays with the pearl.

"Sure, baby." I whisper and rub Bow's back softly as she burrows deeper into my arms but doesn't move to get up. She sets the jar on the arm of the chair and continues to play with the pearl hanging at my neck.

I know my daughter well enough to know that there's something more she wants to say so I just hold her, loosening her braid and running my fingers through her hair gently until she's ready to speak. Bow is so much like me that I can almost hear the wheels spinning in her head as she gently turns the jar in a circle on the arm of the chair and we both wait for the right moment when Bow is ready to say whatever is on her mind.

"Can me and Finn sleep with you tonight?"

There it is.

I sigh as Bow lifts her head and looks into my face sadly and I know there's no way I can deny her this request. "You and Finn will still go to sleep when you're supposed to and then I'll come to bed later, deal?" I say beeping her nose and Bow giggles and nods. "How are you feeling by the way? Feel like the cupcake sugar has run its course?" I ask as she sits up straddling my lap facing me and holds the jar up between us.

"Uh huh…" Bow says staring intently at the fire fly. "Come on! I need more and Paw-paw is helping Finn catch too many!" She whispers loudly and climbs down off my lap and pulls me up out of the chair to go catch more fireflies with her.

We spend the rest of the night out in the yard and it's both a relief and somewhat sad to see my children forgetting, for however brief a time, that there father is not with them. I'm happy to see them laughing and playing with me and with Haymitch, but a part of me will always hate to see them being used to Peeta not being around when he's having an episode.

I hold off on bathtime until 9 o'clock, hoping that giving them an extra hour of playing will tire them out enough that they will pass out after their baths. Haymitch went inside a few minutes ago and switched on the outdoor speakers and put some quiet music on hoping that it would help the kids to wind down.

Finn is stretched out on my lap watching the fire and turning his own jar of fireflies over and over in his hands and Bow is curled up on Haymitch's lap playing with a pair of dolls. She dances them across the arm of the chair in time with the music and I can't help thinking of a hundred nights dancing with Peeta in our livingroom before we had children and almost as many nights dancing with them as babies and toddlers. We'd danced and played together in such a manner only a week or so ago.

District 12 may have always been known as the poorest and most downtrodden of all the districts of Panem, but damned if we couldn't cut a rug to a lively fiddle tune. Music had always been a part of me as my father had sung to me every day of my life until he died, and as an artist, Peeta says he has always enjoyed music himself.

Peeta made me promise to keep the love of music going with our own children when they came along but he really didn't need to worry about that being as both children responded to music from the beginning of their lives. They were both the most active inside my womb when music was playing or when I sang. Peeta loved it of course, just as he loved everything about each of my pregnancies. I wish I could say the same but I was on the more unfortunate end of things being as I was the one actually _carrying_ them and neither pregnancy had been particularly easy on me physically or emotionally.

"Dance with me Paw-paw!" Bow giggles and hands the boy doll to Haymitch as she holds the girl doll up expectantly, waiting for him to play along. Haymitch rolls his eyes and takes the boy doll from Bow, holding it up as if he is going to join in her game.

" 'Dance with me!' she says!" he grumbles and then stands suddenly, scooping Bow up in his arms and swinging her around as he dances (rather gracefully I might add) in a circle around his chair and Finn and I laugh.

"No! I meant the dolls silly!" Bow says between uncontrollable bouts of giggling as Haymitch settles her on his hip and takes one of her tiny hands in his as if they are ballroom dancing. He blows a raspberry on her neck making her shriek with laughter and then rolls his eyes, laughing with her.

"Oh! I see, how stupid of me!" Haymitch says playfully but continues dancing with Bow, slowing his steps as the song changes to something a little dreamier. I tilt my head and smile as Bow lays her head on his shoulder and hikes her legs up so that they are gripping Haymitch's side. I can almost see Haymitch melting into a pile of grandfatherly goo as Bow wraps her arms tightly around his neck, her 2 cloth dolls gripped loosely in her pudgy hands.

"I dance too!" Finn pouts and climbs to his knees on my lap rocking back and forth excitedly. I chuckle and nod, standing slowly and hiking Finn up so that he can put his suntanned legs around my waist which he does with a grin. I kiss his nose gently and he grabs my cheeks, looking up at me with that heartbreaking Mellark smile and I drop my forehead to his with a sigh.

"Love you baby boy." I whisper and Finn cuddles into my chest with his arms around my neck and his face buried in my hair.

"I love you Momma." He whispers back and drops one arm to my chest where he grabs onto the pearl on my necklace. I hold him a little closer when I feel him gently rolling the pearl back and forth across his little lips because I know he is thinking about his Daddy but won't mention him for fear of upsetting me.

It's in this moment that I realize Peeta was right about our children and their luck of having been born the children of two Hunger Games victors, but not because it has ensured their safety. It is because with the blood of two survivors running through their veins, at 5 ½ and 2 1/2, our children are already two of the bravest people I have ever known.

I catch Haymitch's eye in the flickering light of the fire and we share a look that's passed between us more times than either of us cares to admit. "Alright little people…" I say softly when the song ends and a faster one begins. "Baths and bedtime."

I'm expecting a fight because Peeta almost always does baths while I straighten up the house for the night, but to my surprise, they don't fight it at all. They do however, request that their bathtime be overseen by their Paw-paw.

I grin at Haymitch as he sets Bow down and lets her hold onto the handle of the bucket of water he fills to bank the fire and 'help' him put it out. "Yeah, sure…I suppose I deserve it after the cupcakes." He says and takes Bow's hand while I carry Finn into the house behind them.

I fix up the room down the hall from Haymitch's for the kids to sleep in while I listen to the echo of his voice off of the bathroom tiles and the splish-splash of water in the tub as the kids play. As I unpack the bags that Haymitch returned from my house with, I smile seeing that Peeta has packed each of the kids' favorite pajamas along with the 'lovies' they need to go to sleep including Finn's blanket and Bow's favorite dolly.

Seeing the care Peeta took in such simple a task as packing an overnight bag for me and the kids makes my heart ache to be back in his arms so badly that it's hard to breathe for a moment. Only my husband could be so thoughtful even while battling a hijacking episode.

It is only the laughter of my babies bouncing off the bathroom tiles down the hall that pulls me back into the real world and I slowly lay out their pajamas with care on the end of the bed and then reach into the bag for my own change of clothes. I find an outfit and Peeta's favorite bra and panties of mine first and set them aside with a little smile before pulling out what he's sent for me to sleep in.

"Oh, Peeta." I whisper sadly and bring a light blue t-shirt of his to my face and inhale the scent of him on it. It is obvious that he wore this shirt and hadn't washed it yet because his familiar scent still clings to it. I push the bedroom door to and quickly change into the t-shirt and slip on the boxer shorts (also Peeta's) he sent along with them. I can't help chuckling to myself as I silently hope that the shorts at least are a clean pair. I turn to the door when it opens quietly and Bow slips into the room wrapped in a towel.

"Good bath?" I ask as Bow skips across the room on her tippy toes and drops her towel on the floor at the end of the bed.

"Uh huh…Finn didn't pee OR poop in the tub." She says as she sits down on her towel and pulls on a pair of pink cotton underwear. I hold her favorite sleeveless nightgown up for her to slip her arms and head through and chuckle.

"Always a good way to end a bath." I say as she pulls her hair out from the back of the nightgown and hops up onto the end of the bed.

"Can you braid my hair again, please?" she asks politely and I move to sit with a leg on either side of her as Haymitch comes through the door with Finn swadled in a blanket, his thumb in his mouth as he rests against his Paw-paw's chest. Haymitch has one of the cordless phones in his hand and as he sets it on the dresser by the door, I wonder if he's called Peeta or if he has it because he plans to when he leaves the room. I don't ask though for fear that bringing up their father so close to bedtime will upset the kids.

"Uh oh, somebody's t-i-r-e-d…" I whisper with a smile as Haymitch brings Finn to the bed and lays him down with a little smile of his own. I'm sure he's planning to tell me that he was right about the cupcakes having no effect on their sleep tonight so I appreciate it when Finn interrupts him by grunting and reaching for the blankie I've placed on his pillow.

"Here you go, buddy." Haymitch whispers and drops the blanket into Finn's free hand. Finn brings the blanket to his face, holding it against his cheek next to the thumb he has stuffed in his mouth. I cast little glances at Finn as I methodically run my fingers through Bow's damp hair and watch her eyelids beginning to droop. Finn isn't far behind her even though his wide gray eyes would give little away to a stranger regarding how tired he really is. They bounce around the room from object to object while he sucks furiously on his thumb and Haymitch fixes a diaper on him and pulls a little pair of cotton boxers up over it.

"Did you make him pee before you left the bathroom?" I ask quietly and Haymitch nods as he sits Finn up and pulls a tiny sleeveless undershirt over the quickly drying ringlets on the little boy's head.

"Yeah, took him a minute to get it going but he went." He says and Finn climbs up the bed to his pillow and presses his face into it with his bottom up in the air. "Wow, voluntary sleep…" Haymitch mumbles and sits down on the edge of the mattress, slowly fixing the blankets around Finn as he curls up. He releases his thumb from his mouth just long enough to rub his knuckles into his tired eyes before it finds its way back between his lips. "…guess those cupcakes weren't such a bad idea afterall." He smirks as I finish Bow's braid and kiss the part in her dark hair softly.

"Cut-cakes?" Finn mumbles around his thumb and lifts his head from the pillow. I roll my eyes and pull down the covers on Bow's side of the bed, tucking her in when she clambers up to her pillow and lays down as well.

"No way, no more cut-cakes…" I say mimicking Finn's voice as I lean over my daughter to give Finn a quick kiss on one chubby cheek and then do the same to Bow. "Night night time for little boys and girls." I whisper and both kids smile softly up at me and Bow yawns loudly.

"Can you sing to us Mama?" she asks through the yawn and Haymitch stands from the edge of the bed.

"I'll be in the kitchen." Haymitch whispers and looks down with unabashed tenderness at my resting children. "Good night little ones, sleep tight." He says and leans over to press a kiss to each of their foreheads. I smile watching as Bow and Finnick look back up at Haymitch with similar affection.

"Nigh, nigh Paw-paw." Finn murmurs and rolls to his side so that he is closer to his sister. Bow sits up and wraps her arms around Haymitch's neck and gives him a squeeze after he kisses her head. "Night Paw-paw, Iloveyou." She whispers quickly and flops back down onto the bed, curling up against her brother.

Haymitch smiles again as he reaches out to toy with the end of Bow's braid. He gives her a little wink (his way of saying 'I love you too') before he rights himself and heads out the bedroom door. Watching him go I can't help but be reminded how lucky Peeta and I are to have this awful, curmudgeonly…._wonderful_ man in our lives.

"Mama? A song?" Bow asks and reaches up to play with her brother's hair, making his already drooping eyes blink slower yet.

I nod and lay on my side next to Bow, propping my head up with one arm and reaching over to pat Finn's diapered bottom to keep time for the song (and hopefully lull him to sleep) with the other. Since my children came along, I've gotten over my aversion to singing Deep in the Meadow because it is such a beloved song to me and I want my children to know it too. I still can't sing it without thinking of my sister or Rue but I try to limit myself to thinking only of good memories I have connected to them whenever I am singing my babies to sleep at night.

"_Deep in the meadow, under the willow  
A bed of grass, a soft green pillow  
Lay down your head, and close your sleepy eyes  
And when you awake, the sun will rise."_

Bow snuggles closer to Finn and he settles into her arms comfortably, his thumb and blanket still in place as he looks over at me and listens to me sing.

_"Here it's safe, here it's warm  
Here the daisies guard you from harm  
Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true  
Here is the place where I love you._"

I smile sadly as Finn pins his blanket between the pillow and his cheek so that he can reach out to play with the end of his sister's braid. If he were here, I know Peeta would playfully fight with him over playing with the braid as that is another one of their nightly rituals. Bow yawns again and kisses her brother's head as she stuffs her dolly in between the two of them, a sign she is ready to fall asleep.

_"Deep in the meadow, hidden far away  
A cloak of leaves, A moonbeam ray, Forget your woes and let your troubles lay  
And when again it's morning, they'll wash away."_

As I sing this particular verse, I'm wishing with all of my heart for Bow and Finnick to do as the song says so that they can rest peacefully tonight as all children should be able to. Part of me is also hoping that if they sleep long enough, perhaps when they wake up their father will have emerged from behind the door and we can go home and get back to the usually happy life we've built together.

I lean over and kiss them each again as their eyes close and I see their breathing beginning to slow.

_"Here it's safe, here it's warm  
Here the daisies guard you from every harm  
Here your dreams are sweet and tomorrow brings them true  
Here is the place where I love you."_

Both children are asleep as I quietly sing the last line of the song and reach out to stroke each of their baby soft cheeks. I smile at the way they hold each other, protecting against what creeps in the dark just as their father and I have done together for over 20 years.

I sit and watch them for several minutes and then lean over to give them one more important kiss; the one that their father can't give them himself tonight. "Daddy loves you." I whisper before I carefully climb off of the bed and head for the door.

As I turn to check on the children one last time, I see the phone Haymitch set on the dresser by the door when he first walked in with Finn and frown when I see a little note is attached to the back of it. I look out the door and down the hall both ways and when I don't see Haymitch, I reach out and pull the note off of the phone. I've barely read the first words before tears well in my eyes.

_The baker didn't want to miss bedtime, _

_So I let him listen in. _

_Pick up the phone and say hello _

_Once little ears aren't listening anymore._

_-H _

It takes me a moment to pick it up now that I know Peeta has been listening to all that's happened since Haymitch entered the bedroom with Finn. I gather my wits about me and slowly reach for the phone, lifting it to my ear as I slip out of the room and gently close the door.

I don't need to speak for Peeta to know I'm on the other end and he is the first to speak. "Hey, sweetheart." He says quietly and a few tears escape down my cheeks which I quickly wipe away. My tears aren't just because of the endearment he's used, but because underneath it, I can tell how hard he is fighting with 'bad Peeta' just to talk to me for a few minutes before bed.

"Hi, baby…" I say just as quietly and head into the bedroom across the hall so that the kids can't hear if they wake up. "How're you doing?" I ask as I drop down onto the bed on my back and pull a pillow under my head. Peeta says nothing for a long moment and I know that, like always when he's having an episode, he is trying to decide how much he can say without upsetting me.

"Eh, alright. Should probably limit the conversation to anything not too deep though." He says trying to be flippant but I've known him too long not to know that he's anything but. "The kisa sound like they're hanging in there…" He says and sighs. "I heard Finn yelling for me in the yard earlier today." He whispers and I can almost hear him shaking his head. "I'm sorry you had to deal with that..."

I shrug even though he can't see it and look towards the door. "It's okay. Not like I haven't done it before. Anyway, they're older now so they can be negotiated with a little better than other times." I say and smile. "And having Haymitch to help is nice." I say and Peeta snorts.

"Yeah, sure...he's a big help smuggling…cupcakes the size of Finn over to his house for them." He groans and I chuckle.

"I had a feeling he was lying when he said you sent them over. They were no worse the rest of the day for the added sugar intake so I guess it's okay." I say shaking my head and turn over to my stomach propping my upper body on my elbows and swinging my feet behind me like a child. "Thanks for the clothes by the way." I say and smile as I lower my voice a little more. "I'd find a way to enjoy your shirt and boxers even more if I wasn't sharing a bed with our children tonight." I tease and Peeta chuckles on the other end of the line but doesn't say anything more. "Oh, speaking of, please tell me these are _clean_ shorts?" I ask with a cringe and Peeta groans.

"Of course they are, what kind of sicko do you think I am?" he asks with another chuckle and I laugh too.

"Just checking…" I say and sigh looking at the window that is on the wrong side of the house for me being able to possibly see him. "I'm glad you sent me the t-shirt you wore today though. Hopefully it'll help me sleep a little better tonight." I say and the silence hangs in the air once more. "Think tomorrow'll be any better?" I ask and Peeta takes a deep breath before he answers.

"Not sure just yet." He mumbles and I feel my smile slip a little bit. "I sure hope so though since Bow has most of our week planned out before my birthday." He says with a short laugh and my smile returns.

"Yeah, I heard about that…the lake first, then to my mom's, then to the bakery to make your cake." I say and then quickly add, "Which you are NOT allowed to help with this year. You need to pretend to trust me and the kids to make it right and then choke down whatever dry, crumbly mess of a cake we manage with a big smile on your face." I tease and Peeta makes a sound like he'd rather just make it with us.

"Maybe I'll have Vera hang around and keep an eye on you guys while you're working." He jokes. Vera is the most recent apprentice in our bakery and just as with every other young person Peeta has trained in the last 20 years, we look upon her as a member of our family.

"She's allowed to do the icing and that's only because I'm absolute crap with a piping bag." I concede as Peeta laughs heartily on the phone and my heart swells with love at the sound.

"That you are, my dear." He teases and I murmur for him to shut up.

Another long silence hangs on the line as neither of us really knows what to say but won't hang up just yet. "It was nice to hear you sing." Peeta finally says and I smile bashfully. "It didn't just put the kids out, I feel a little better since listening to you." He whispers and I bite my lip with a short laugh.

"Well, if you're feeling better, maybe I'll sing it to you in bed tomorrow night to help you fall asleep." I tease and I can almost hear Peeta's smile.

"I can think of a better way you could help me fall asleep…" he whispers huskily. I close my eyes and fight back the moan that tries to slip past my lips as his meaning washes over me in a tingle of gooseflesh.

"Mmm…me too…" I whisper back and sigh for what seems like the thousandth time during our conversation. "So, Bow told me about her secret Daddy time this afternoon." I say in a desperate attempt to change the subject.

"Yeah, sorry about that…" Peeta says sheepishly. "I couldn't just send her right back home, I was…I just didn't want to be alone." He admits and I shake my head.

"Hey, Peet, it's okay…you don't need to explain yourself to me. I'd have done the same thing." I tell him and then cringe as I realize I need to make one suggestion to him about what he should and shouldn't say in front of our children. "Bow seemed happier when she came back after your nap together, though, for the record; telling our 5 year old that she's 'killing you' is something you might wanna avoid in the future…" I suggest and Peeta groans.

"Shit." He says simply and I nod as I roll to my back again.

"Yeah, my thoughts exactly." I say and Peeta promises never to say that again as long as he can help it.

Another of those long silences settles over us again, but there are a multitude of things we can hear each other thinking between the quiet.

"You want me to leave the phone on the nightstand with the line open? It's not like Haymitch is expecting any calls tonight…or like…ever." I chuckle and Peeta laughs softly on the other end.

"Yeah, I'd uh….I'd really like that actually." He says and I slide off of the bed, suddenly exhausted from the range of emotions I've had to deal with from not only the kids, but from myself during this difficult day.

"Sure…" I say trying to be light as I slip out of the bedroom and move over to stand in front of the door where Bow and Finnick are sleeping. "…you say that now. Let's see how much you like it when Finn is snoring like a buzz saw at two in the morning." I whisper and Peeta laughs.

"Sure, if I can hear him over _you_." He quips and I gasp. It's easy to forget listening to our banter that only half of Peeta is really in control right now and I suddenly feel a little dirty, like someone else is listening in on our conversation. I try to cover it by getting in another playful jab as I pick at the doorframe with my nail nervously.

"Says the man who's hoping for reunion sex tomorrow night…" I warn and Peeta laughs quietly and I know he must think I'm getting close to the kids now.

"Point taken." He says and I tell him to be quiet so I can open the door without the kids hearing.

"Sure…oh and Kat..." he says and my hand stills on the door knob.

"Yeah?" I ask softly and I hear Peeta clear his throat on the other end.

"Thanks for kissing them good night for me. I really hope I'm able to kiss _all_ of you good night tomorrow." He whispers and I press my cheek against the phone and close my eyes. It's been 20 years, but this has _never _gotten easier to deal with. Not ever.

"Me too, Peet." I say softly back and start to turn the knob. "Alright, I'm going into their room." I say and creep over to the bed and place the phone on the nightstand before crawling under the covers next to Bow. "The phone is on the nightstand." I whisper and reach out to stroke the side of it gently. "…stay with me okay?" I ask meekly and there's a long silence before Peeta's whispered answer but his response allows me to slip peacefully into sleep.

"Always."


	33. Chapter 27

Chapter 27

When the evening shadows and the stars appear  
And there is no one there to dry your tears  
I could hold you for a million years  
To make you feel my love.

Bob Dylan- "To Make you Feel my Love"

(three years after the engagement)

It was one of the worst winters we'd seen in many years in District 12. The kind with long, dark days that wreak havoc on the emotions of even the cheeriest people.

Peeta had been working extra long hours at the bakery because our newest apprentice, Calen, had fallen ill with a terrible flu. That meant I had barely seen him except for a few hours a day for going on two weeks. Peeta said he didn't want both of us trekking into town in the snow, especially with the flu spreading like wildfire. He argued that if he got sick, he'd need me to take over for him at the bakery so it was silly to risk both of our health.

I agreed with his logic, but with the deep snow and the fact that most of the animals were either hibernating or taking shelter against the poor weather, I wasn't hunting nearly as often as I would have liked. By the second week of dreary, depressing weather and nothing to keep my mind off of it like Peeta or hunting could, I felt myself slipping into my _own_ bad place.

It was different than Peeta's episodes, but no less debilitating. The depression I sometimes dealt with as a result of my own highlight reel of horrifying memories, compliments of the Games and the war, came and went without warning. Sometimes the smallest thing would set me off and just getting out of bed and enjoying the wonderful things in my life depressed me when I thought of how easily they could disappear. Sometimes they still do and those are the hardest days to explain to my young children.

These thoughts visit me still, but not quite as often or as strong as they were in those first, most difficult years when my mind was still so fragile.

That day during the snowstorm when I'd finally reached my breaking point, I tried calling Haymitch but he was either dead drunk and not answering the phone, or dead drunk and _depressed_ and not answering the phone. Like most of the time, I figured it was probably a little bit of both.

I talked to Dr. Aurelius on the phone briefly and he told me to take one of the anxiety pills I kept handy for emergencies. This was on top of the pill I had been taking regularly to combat my depression since Peeta had reentered my life and I'd found a reason to enjoy living again. I agreed, even though I didn't particularly like the way the anxiety medication made me feel. I would have much preferred my own natural brand of anxiety medication in the form of my loving fiancée.

That's right; while I had accepted Peeta's proposal three years earlier, I still hadn't found the nerve to go down to the justice building and physically file the paperwork we'd had since shortly after I'd agreed to marry him.

Peeta seemed happy enough knowing that it was eventually going to happen and I was happy that I still wasn't feeling like I wanted to run for the hills at the idea of marriage after being engaged for three years. I knew it was going to take some time before I was actually able to go through with it, but since we were already doing all of the things a married couple did, the actual ceremonial aspects of it didn't really mean a whole lot to me.

But I knew they still did to Peeta.

He never asked me when I wanted to get married after he'd picked up the proper paperwork we'd need, he just quietly put it away in a drawer and told me it was up to me when we went to the Justice Building to file it. We had gone as far as to both say we wanted to have a traditional toasting as well and very low key with just Haymitch and Sae as witnesses. I also promised Peeta that we could have our friends and my mother for a small reception sometime after.

That was the one part of Peeta's fake speech about our wedding in the Quarter Quell interviews that was true; neither of us would have really felt married without the toasting ceremony.

After I hung up the phone from calling Haymitch without any luck, I looked down at Buttercup who was winding his way back and forth through my legs.

"Now I _know_ the weather must be getting to all of us if you're willing to come to _me_ for attention." I grumbled and knelt down on my bedroom floor to pet him. Buttercup was getting up in years at the time and had become a little more accepting of my presence in his life. Of course he loved Peeta from the first night he'd slept over at my house.

The cat purred quietly as I stroked his neck and then he walked away and scooted down the hall, sitting in front of the door to Peeta's art room where he began to meow. I sighed and walked down to the door and sat down against it with a huff as Buttercup climbed up into my lap and pawed at my face.

"I know; I miss him too." I whispered and dropped my head back against the door as Buttercup meowed again.

"What's that?" I asked with an exaggerated gasp.

"You think we should call him?" I joked and looked at the ceiling as if thinking it over and then quickly pushed the cat aside and hopped up. "Yeah, me too."

I hurried back to the bedroom where I grabbed the handset to the phone and dropped down on the bed as I dialed the bakery. Peeta answered on the 4th ring which told me he was probably really busy.

I only felt a little bit bad about interrupting him.

"Mellark's Bakery."

"Hey, how are things going there?" I asked and could almost hear his answering smile on the other end of the phone. I thought talking to Peeta would alleviate some of the sadness I felt but it just made me want him to be home with me even more.

"Good, busy." He sighed and I could hear the cash register dinging as we talked.

"You know how everyone gets in the winter, comfort food and all that. How are you doing?" He asked and I sighed and shrugged to myself as Buttercup hopped up onto the bed on Peeta's side and settled in.

"The stupid cat misses you." I mumbled and Peeta chuckled.

"Just the cat?" he asked hopefully and I smiled for the first time in what felt like months.

"No." I said softly and waited a beat as I heard him saying good bye to a customer and thanking them for coming in to buy something in such horrible weather. He told them to be safe and then I could hear him walking and the sound of pans being moved around and knew he was in the back room.

"You okay, sweetie?" he asked when the banging of the pans stopped. "I could close up a little early today and come home in time for dinner if you need me to…"

I cut him off. "No, no…I…I don't want to lose us any business, especially if the snow gets worse. Were you going to come home tonight or stay in the apartment?" I asked trying not to sound like a pathetic woman who couldn't spend the night in her own house without her big strong man to protect her.

"I'll come home." He said and I could instantly tell that he had been planning to stay at the bakery, but changed his mind because he sensed I wanted him to be home that night.

"You don't have to do that, Peet. If you need to stay, stay. I don't want you driving home in this if it isn't safe to be doing so anyway." I argued so half-heartedly that Peeta actually laughed at me over the phone.

"Hey…you know, you _are _allowed to need me sometimes, Katniss." He murmured into the phone and I could tell he was a little embarrassed to be saying so.

"I kinda like it when you do…" he admitted shyly and I smiled again.

"I'll save your plate in the oven?" I asked biting my bottom lip and he chuckled again.

"No, that's okay I'll eat something here. I probably won't be able to get out of here until close to nine and…well…I don't exactly think I'll be hungry for _food_ when I get home anyway…" he whispered and my whole body tingled with the insinuation behind his words. It'd been only a week since the last time we'd made love but it had been a rushed affair one early morning before he had to get up and go in to work.

I was looking forward to the idea of foreplay that lasted more than 12 seconds.

"Mmm…sounds…delicious." I teased and squirmed against the bed already thinking of the possibilities that lie ahead for us that night.

"I'll meet you in the kitchen?" I teased breathily and Peeta chuckled again.

"Sh…sure…uh, I gotta go. There's a customer out front walking around and I need to try and lose the…" he lowered his voice slightly before continuing on in a mumble. "…raging hard-on you've been kind enough to give me before I can walk out there."

He chuckled and I gasped softly, covering my mouth with a giggle. Yes, a giggle. Like I've said; love does strange things to you.

"Ooops, well…I'd tell you I'm sorry for that, but I'm kinda not…" I laughed and sat up on the bed.

"I'll see you tonight?" I said softly and reached over to pet Buttercup again.

"Absolutely," He promised. "Bye, Kat. Love you."

I nodded as I crossed my legs on the bed and looked over at Buttercup, his tail twitching back and forth contentedly as he listened to me talk.

"Love you too, Peeta." I said before hanging up the phone.

At the mention of Peeta's name, Buttercup stood and meowed at me, making tight circles on Peeta's side of the bed and then climbing up onto his pillow and kneading it with his feet.

"Hey! Get off of there!" I hollered at him and grabbed the pillow. Buttercup hissed at me as I pulled the pillow to my chest, guarding it from his abuse. I hissed back at him as I brushed the cat hair off the pillow and set it back down against the headboard and yawned unexpectedly.

"He was mine first, you know?" I asked grouchily and Buttercup hissed again and hopped off of the bed.

It was only early afternoon but with the way it looked outside, it felt like early evening. After not sleeping well for a few weeks paired with the depression I'd been battling, it had become typical for me to take naps. I closed the curtains, slipped off my pants, and climbed under the last thing I remembered before drifting off to sleep was pulling Peeta's pillow close and burying my face in it.

My sleep was plagued with more nightmares than I'd had in some time. I couldn't remember any specific details, but I knew Peeta being in danger was the central focus of them all. When I woke up with a start, it was dark and I was temporarily disoriented as I sat up and looked around the room.

"Peeta…" I whispered and reached a hand out to his side of the bed. It was cold and empty and the blood in my veins instantly ran cold with panic.

"Peeta!?" I called out again and slid over to run my hands all over the mattress, searching frantically for any sign of him.

"PEETA!?" I cried louder and heard quick, heavy footsteps coming up the stairs.

The hallway light flipped on, bathing me in light from the open bedroom door. It was suddenly partially blocked by a figure standing in the doorway and I reached shakily for the bedside light and turned it on.

"Peeta!?" I screeched when I saw his face and scrambled out of the bed and ran into his arms. He held me tightly, shushing me and when he pulled back to look down into my eyes he looked completely bewildered.

"Hey, hey…what's wrong? Are you okay?" Peeta asked softly, still holding me close.

"Katniss…please, answer me. Your whole body is shaking…" he begged and I took a few steadying breaths before pulling back only slightly to be able to see up into his face.

"I…I fell asleep after we talked on the phone…I had horrible, horrible nightmares about….about losing you, I think. And then when I just woke up and you weren't here…" I felt my body beginning to shake again and Peeta scooped me up in his arms and carried me over to the bed where he lay me back down and pulled the blankets over me.

The chill of the winter night was still on him as I reached up to stroke his face while trying to settle myself, so I knew he must have just come in from the bakery.

"Shhh…it's alright, I'm here now. I'm not going anywhere again tonight okay?" He assured me and leaned down to kiss my forehead as he stroked my hair like a child.

Peeta has always had a way of calming me instantly with the way he handles my nightmares. His touch is always so gentle and loving and I can always see in his eyes how much he absolutely cherishes me. He is the best cure for the mental and emotional horrors that ail me, stronger than anything Dr. Aurelius could prescribe.

"Did you take your medicine today?" he asked and lay down in front of me on the edge of the mattress on my side of the bed and wrapped me in his arms. I nodded slowly against his chest and burrowed deeper into his arms.

"Even the one for anxiety…" I mumbled. "And look how well _that_ worked."

I snorted and felt my breathing beginning to calm even more as Peeta stroked his hands up and down my back and arms before folding them together gently on my lower back and kissing my nose.

"I'm so sorry I wasn't here…but I am now. I'm okay, you're okay…" As he spoke, Buttercup pounced up onto the bed and climbed over Peeta's back to force his way between us.

"Buttercup is annoying as _hell_, but he's okay too…" He said trying to make me smile and waved a hand at the cat to shoo him away. Buttercup raised his nose in the air and moved to the end of the bed where he curled up by Peeta's feet.

I did smile at that and lifted my head to look down at the insulted cat who was trying to pretend like he didn't see either of us anymore. When I turned my head back to look at Peeta, there was an unspoken sadness in his eyes mixed with a hint of hurt.

"Why didn't you tell me on the phone that you were having a bad day? I could tell, Katniss, but I didn't want to push you."

He reached up with one hand to cup my cheek and I stared sadly back at him, my eyes dropping to his chin because I felt ashamed for having not been totally honest with him on the phone earlier.

"I don't know…you've just been so busy at the bakery and I didn't want to bother you with my issues." I said with a shrug. "I feel like I've been stuck in the house forever with hunting out of the question right now."

I sighed miserably and brought a hand up out of the covers to stroke through his shaggy hair that he'd been letting grow out a little for the winter.

"I've…missed you a lot the last few weeks and the weather hasn't exactly helped my mood any." I admitted and Peeta leaned in and kissed my lips with such gentleness that I felt the last of my anxiety disappear.

"I noticed that. Would you feel better if I took you to work with me a few days? Tomorrow is Saturday, busiest day. I could use some extra help…" he suggested and peppered light kisses all over my face and neck. I felt my insides melting and sighed happily against his t-shirt before arching my back and lightly rubbing my hips against his.

"Sure…yeah. That'd be nice." I whispered back and lifted my head to kiss his neck gently.

"Mmm…then we'll get everything done and have Sunday allllllll to ourselves…" Peeta said softly and the only thing that gave away his excitement was the soft grunt that slipped past his lips as he pushed his hips back into mine.

"…speaking of all to ourselves…" I teased and slipped my arms out of the covers to slide them down Peeta's back where I grabbed a hold of the edge of his t-shirt and started tugging it upwards gently.

Peeta smiled against my jaw but then pulled back and looked down at me seriously.

"You're really okay now?" he asked stroking my cheek with the back of one hand.

I nodded slowly and smiled up at him with tears in my eyes as I realized I really was okay.

"I am. I needed you and now you're here…" I whispered and kissed his lips slowly at first but deepening as I tugged his shirt up and over his head, tossing it aside as Peeta climbed on top of me. His tongue slipped into my mouth and I sucked on it, groaning as it tangled with my own.

"I'm always here, sweetheart…." Peeta gasped into my mouth when we stopped to take a breath.

"Always." He said staring down into my eyes, his pupils dilated, but not in a way that scared me.

Well, at least it hadn't scared me since the first time I saw it on the night we made love for the first time. But the fear that night had been the kind of fear that comes with not knowing what to expect. Almost ten years later, I knew exactly what to expect and it still had the same effect on my libido as that first time.

"Love you…" I said biting my lip as I looked up at him, my breathing coming in short, needy pants. Peeta reached over and turned off the light on the nightstand but left the hall light on.

As he struggled up onto his knees and pulled the t-shirt I had fallen asleep in over my head, I saw Buttercup stand, yawn and then hop down from the end of the bed and saunter out the door. He may have been the meanest, ugliest cat alive, but he knew when to make himself scarce.

"Love you too, Kat…scoot over." Peeta whispered with a smile and unbuttoned the front of his pants.

I moved over to the middle of the bed and Peeta climbed under the covers with me once he pushed his pants and shorts down and tossed them over the side of the bed. I heard the tell tale pop of him removing his newest model prosthetic and I snuggled into the covers as I watched him lean over the side of the bed and prop it against the nightstand.

He took his time, climbing back on top of me, rubbing his nose gently against mine as I pushed up against him through my thin underwear.

"Off." I gasped sharply, my hopes for foreplay losing out to the desire I had for Peeta to be pounding into me as soon as possible.

"Uh uh…" Peeta grinned, shaking his head as he kissed his way down between my breasts and sucked and kissed each of them in turn until my nipples were standing at attention like he wanted them to be. "….I wanna fool around first."

He nipped his way down my sternum, peppering light kisses all the way to my navel where he jutted his tongue out into it before continuing his kisses down until he reached the edge of my panties.

I groaned in frustration but it turned quickly into a moan when Peeta nuzzled me lightly through my underwear and then used his teeth to pull them down to about mid thigh where I lifted my butt to let him tug them the rest of the way down.

When Peeta's head popped back up above the covers, he sat up and slowly pulled the blankets down off of me, looking at each newly uncovered part of my body with increasing carnal excitement.

"Shit." He whispered shaking his head slowly and I frowned slightly before he elaborated.

"I really am the luckiest guy in the whole damn world, aren't I?" he asked himself more than me and I felt a blush spread over me from head to toe but smiled. Years before, I would have squirmed uncomfortably under his scrutiny, but after so long together and knowing how much Peeta loved me and I loved him, I was completely comfortable having him stare openly at my naked body in the privacy of our bedroom.

"I love you so much, Katniss." He murmured as he leaned over to kiss one shoulder first and then across an imaginary line to the other.

"I love you too, Peeta…so much more than I think you even realize." I whispered back as I grabbed onto the sides of his head and looked into those blue eyes that still held a youth and innocence that I hoped against hope would never be taken completely away from my boy with the bread.

I pulled his face down to mine and we kissed with such deep familiarity and tenderness that it felt like my heart swelled in my chest and gooseflesh spread over my body.

"Please, Peet….now…please…." I gasped and pushed my hips into his where he lay next to me.

Peeta groaned and rolled onto me, covering my body against the chill of the room. He reached a hand down between us to touch me and gasped when the two fingers he probed me with slipped easily inside.

"…you're always so ready for me…" he said with wonder in his voice and I nodded, moving my kisses across his face to his ear.

"…I am. That's what you do to me." I whispered right beside his ear and put a hand over top of his, covering his two fingers with my own and guiding his deeper.

"It's all for you, Peeta…only you. Forever." I gasped and his hips surged against mine making his erection dig into my thigh.

The next few minutes were a jumble of sweaty limbs, sloppy kisses and lots of moaning and crying out as Peeta continued to pump his fingers into me. Mine had fallen away and I was gripping the fitted sheet on the mattress tightly in both hands as he worked.

I felt that familiar quickening deep in my belly and I released the sheet with one hand so that I could bring it to Peeta's backside. I gripped one cheek hard as I tried to angle him into me.

"Please, Peet…I can't wait any longer, now…" I grunted and it was only a second before he pulled his hand back from me and then drove his hips into mine in one powerful thrust, making me come undone instantly.

I screamed through my orgasm as his hips continued to pump and Peeta grunted a combination of 'I love you', my name and a lot of profanity, some of which I didn't even recognize as real words.

When my orgasm had been completely rung out of me, it took every ounce of energy in my body to raise my arms up to wrap them around his neck as he continued thrusting into me harder and harder.

After the nightmares I'd had about losing him, I wanted nothing more than to just spend the rest of the night losing myself in his arms.

"Gah…oh, Peet!" I panted when I felt his thrusts getting faster and knew he was close.

Knowing he was so close brought me back to the brink again and I wrapped my legs around his waist tightly, my hips snapping against his as I searched for the best angle to bring me my release again.

Peeta had become very attuned to my body over the years and knew exactly what I was trying to do. Even as he was focused on his own impending orgasm, he brought one arm down from where he had himself propped on elbows on either side of my head and slipped his hand between us to touch me, knowing that would push me over the edge.

And I went willingly, screaming his name as he pinned my hips to the mattress hard and climaxed himself.

I don't know how long we stayed that way, Peeta's comfortable, heavy weight on top of me as he lay still buried inside me, our overheated skin cooling and the sweat drying.

When I finally lifted the hand I had on his backside, I trailed my fingertips up his spine to hold the back of his head where his face was nuzzled into the crook of my neck. I felt a chill run through his body as my fingertips trailed up his back and I turned my head just enough to kiss his forehead where it rested against my chin.

"Hey…you okay?" I whispered and Peeta grunted in response, making me chuckle.

He lifted his head slowly and smiled sleepily as he leaned in to kiss my swollen lips.

"I'm fantastic…that was….shit, Kat." He chuckled and rolled to his back, pulling out of me and eliciting a moan from us both.

I turned over onto my side and snuggled up to him as Peeta turned to his side as well and tugged me back into his arms.

"It sure was…" I whispered and kissed him in the little space between his collar bones softly.

"Give me a few minutes and I'll be good to go again…" I grinned against his throat and Peeta groaned and pulled me up so that I was lying on top of him. I folded my arms on his chest and rested my chin on top of them with a chuckle.

"Well good for you…" Peeta smirked and lifted his head to kiss me again lightly. "…but I'm not 19 anymore, babe."

"I need a little more than a few minutes if you don't mind." He asked, chuckling, and stroked his hands lovingly up and down my bare back before reaching down and pulling the covers up over the two of us.

From what I could feel when I shifted my hips against his, Peeta was right about needing a little longer to recover and I pouted slightly.

"Hey, don't pout at me woman." He grinned. "I've been at work all day."

I nodded and stretched forward to kiss him.

"I know you have been. It's partially responsible for my…amorous mood." I teased and Peeta chuckled again and reached down to stroke my cheek.

"Oooo….big words, I'm impressed since you usually can only manage one syllable at a time after sex." He grinned and then frowned slightly.

"Are you sure you're gonna be okay the rest of tonight?" He asked, concerned.

I nodded slowly and thought back briefly on all of the times just being in Peeta's arms had helped me through the night.

On the train during the victory tour, in our apartment in the training center, in that very bed where we were enjoying quiet pillow talk.

"Mhm, I told you; I'm always better when you're with me." I whispered and Peeta slid his hands down my back and folded them together just above my backside.

"I love you, Kat." Peeta whispered and rested his forehead to mine.

I stared into his eyes, wondering how I could have ever denied my feelings for this wonderful, strong, beautiful man who loved me since before he should have even understood what love was. A question popped into my head and my post-sex brain wasn't quick enough to stop me from asking it.

"When did you _really _know you loved me, Peeta?" I asked and he frowned as if he didn't understand the question.

"What I mean is…well, I'm sure you didn't really _love_ me from the first time you saw me. We were 5-year-old children." I chuckled and shrugged.

"I just…I was wondering when you knew it was…_love_ that you felt…" I said shyly and Peeta shifted slightly so that we were lying on our sides face to face and propped his head up on one arm.

"Interesting question to ask while my brain isn't exactly working properly…" he mused aloud and I reached over and pinched the side of his neck where he was most ticklish.

"Ow! Alright!" he laughed and grabbed my hand, bringing it to his lips and kissing my knuckles.

I propped my own head up on one arm, mirroring his position, so that I was looking directly into his face. My eyes were wide and expectant as I waited to hear what he had to say. I guess I'd always wondered what he meant when he admitted to me in the cave in our first Games that he'd loved me since our first day of school. He'd told me when forever began, but he'd never really told me how he'd known that what he felt when he looked at me was love.

Peeta ran his thumb over the knuckles of my hand he was still holding a few times nervously and bit his bottom lip. I couldn't imagine what had him so anxious but I gave his hand a little squeeze to encourage him to go on.

He lifted his eyes to mine shyly when I squeezed his hand and I saw a blush rise to his cheeks as he squirmed a little before answering.

"I told you, Katniss. I told all of Panem when I told you in that cave and I wasn't lying…or… or exaggerating." He said shaking his head slightly and let out a nervous laugh.

"I've loved you since the first time I laid eyes on you." He whispered with such sincerity in his voice and eyes that I felt tears unexpectedly burning behind my own.

"How is that possible?" I asked softly and reached out to touch his face, not doubting him but needing to understand what 'love' meant to a child so young. I don't remember a lot about being 5 but what I do remember was mostly wrapped up in imagination and play, not the deep emotions Peeta professed to have been experiencing at the same age.

He sighed heavily and looked at the ceiling, obviously trying to find the right way to explain it to me.

"I dunno…I guess, I just wanted to take care of you. Like, I thought of taking care of you when you were sick…or…or hurt. I thought of having you over my house to play, showing you how to make cakes and cookies like my dad was starting to teach me at the time…" he shrugged and then turned his thousand watt smile on me.

"I just…knew. I wanted to be around you all the time. I wanted you to be in my family." He explained and I was so overwhelmed by his honesty that the words just popped out of my mouth unchecked.

"Marry me, Peeta." I gasped as tears began to stream silently down my face.

Peeta's answering look of astonishment would have made me laugh if I wasn't so nervous about what he would say next so I just lay there, as exposed physically and emotionally as one person can be with another.

"Wh…what?" he choked out and I could see the hope and excitement beginning to blossom in the lines of his face and the shimmer of his eyes.

"I said marry me." I said with a little more conviction and leaned forward to press my lips to his.

"Marry me tomorrow or Sunday or whenever you want." I mumbled urgently against his lips.

"I'll fill out the paperwork now if you want me to, just marry me, please?" I pleaded and moved to wrap my arms around his neck as he fell to his back with a smile I'm surprised didn't split his face in two.

"You really want to? This week?" he asked when we pulled back briefly from our kisses.

"I do…I really, _really _do." I said stroking his cheek again and smiling sadly into his eyes.

"I'm…I'm sorry I made you wait so long to get engaged and…and then even longer for me to finally agree to go through with it…" I said and shook my head. "But I understand now…I…I think I finally get it and I want to marry you, Peet…I'd do it now if we weren't naked and you know, it wasn't nearing midnight and snowing…"

I chuckled and Peeta laughed and shook his head.

"Don't get me wrong, I'm…ecstatic, Katniss….but what brought this on? Why all of a sudden?" he asked guiding me over onto my back and leaning over me.

I looked up at him, the gentleness in his eyes, the unending love that I was ashamed I ever for a second thought could be ripped away by the Capitol, and smiled softly.

"Because I finally can see it. I can finally see what you see in me. What you feel when you're with me, because I feel it too…" I whispered. "I've been miserable without you here the last few weeks. I…I want you to take care of me and I want to take care of you." I reached up and stroked the stubble on his chin, the scratch of the light beard that came with not shaving for a few days tickling my palm. "I want to spend the rest of my life doing those things with you that you say you knew you wanted when we were just children."

I sniffed back my tears and tugged on one of his arms so that he was stretched out on top of me completely. "I want to be with you all the time." I whispered and smiled up at him with tears shining in my eyes.

"I want your last name." I grinned and reached up to kiss him.

Peeta's response to the kiss and my words was immediate. He moaned and dropped his head to the pillow beside mine, whispering my name over and over into my ear reverentially. Despite his insistence that he would need a break only minutes before, I felt another part of Peeta responding to my news and I hitched my legs up so that my heels were digging into the mattress beside his hips.

"We'll go down to the JusticeBuilding on Monday." He grunted and kissed down one side of my neck to my chest, peppering kisses across the top curves of my breasts and down between them with a happy moan.

"Sure…that sounds perfect." I sighed happily back and scratched my short nails lightly up and down his back and sides as Peeta moved his hips into position.

"Thank you, Katniss. I love you…" Peeta whispered as he pulled back to look down in my eyes as he slowly sank into me. I noticed the hint of a smile on his lips as I threw my head back and moaned at the look of desire he was sending my way.

"That'll give us enough time to tell our witnesses to get ready…" He murmured and nipped his way back up my chest to my lips. "…and in Haymitch's case, to get sober."

Peeta laughed and it turned into a moan when he shifted his hips and found himself buried in me all the way to the base.

"He's going to be secretly happy for us, you know?" Peeta smirked and pulled back slowly with a sigh before he really began to move.

I laughed this time and nodded enthusiastically as Peeta began to drive into me faster and faster and we both felt ourselves losing control.

"I'm sure he will be…" I moaned between our mouths as we both went in for a kiss. "…and maybe not as secretly as we think." I smiled thinking of Haymitch who had somehow become the next most important person in my life to Peeta.

I gasped as Peeta drove up into me in one swift movement.

"You okay?" Peeta asked and I could feel he was trying to hold back from moving how he wanted to.

"Nothing that just feel so…it's so good. Keep going…" I gasped. Feeling the familiar quickening in my body and I tried to turn my head into my pillow to muffle my screams of pleasure.

He nodded and snapped his hips as fast and hard as he ever had before, burying his face in my hair as he cried out through his own climax, shuddering against me.

When Peeta and I collapsed together, somehow having moved to the middle of the bed, I lay gently running my fingers through his curly hair, thinking about how easy it suddenly felt to accept myself as somebody's wife.

"Get some sleep, Kat." Peeta whispered as he watched the way my eyes drifted open and shut.

"I told you, I'm right here." He said and leaned in to kiss me on top of the head as I snuggled in for a nightmare-free sleep.

"Always." I whispered with a smile just before I fell asleep.


	34. Chapter 28

Chapter 28

_I know you haven't made your mind up yet  
But I would never do you wrong  
I've known it from the moment that we met  
No doubt in my mind where you belong._

- Bob Dylan "Make You Feel My Love"

I woke up the next morning with the warm, reassuring weight of my husband-to-be resting on top of me. As I opened my eyes and the ceiling came into focus, I didn't turn my head to look at him (it wasn't as if I hadn't already been waking up with him nearly every morning for almost a decade), but instead lay there staring up at the ceiling as I ghosted my hands over his body from where they were resting on his lower back.

One hand traveled up his spine in a straight line and then crossed from one shoulder to the other as if I were drawing a giant T across his back and finally up his neck into the hair on the back of his head. I threaded my fingers through the length of it lightly so as not to wake him and nuzzled his temple with my nose softly, in awe that this wonderful, beautiful soul asleep in my arms was going to officially be my husband in a few days. I was even more in awe of how right it felt in my heart and how unfazed I was by that fact.

With the other hand, I used my short fingernails to make circles in the downy hair at the base of his spine just above his butt and then trailed down one cheek to the back of his rather hairy leg that ended in a stump above his knee.

I smiled happily when Peeta stirred and groaned into my neck, already scolding me for waking him up by tickling him.

He grumbled and lifted his head from where he had his face pressed against my collar bone on the right side and looked at the clock on the nightstand.

"Hmm…I still have like…15 minutes that I could be sleeping, Kat." He sighed and shifted so that his upper body was covering more of me and his good leg was thrown over both of mine.

I chuckled softly and finally turned my head to look down into his face with a playful smile. His eyes were squeezed shut and his face screwed up in a full on grouchy early morning pout. In short, he looked adorable and I just couldn't help bending my head down to kiss his lips softly. There was a brief but terrifying moment where I pictured a similar pout on the face of a small child with chubby, baby soft cheeks and blonde curls and I felt my heart clench at the vision. I wasn't sure what percent of the vision terrified me and what percent excited me, but I decided not to look into it too deeply when I was already preparing to take such a big step with Peeta in a few days.

"I'm sorry." I said with such little sincerity that Peeta began to chuckle as well and lifted his head to kiss me back.

"You were so warm on top of me but the parts you weren't covering were kinda freezing." I mumbled against his lips and Peeta pulled away to look us over.

He seemed to be noticing for the first time since he'd woken up that all of the blankets had found their way to the bottom of the bed at some point during the night and we were both lying in the middle of the bed stark naked.

"Oh, jeez!" He laughed and sat up quickly to pull the sheets and heavy comforter up over the both of us.

"I'm sorry, sweetheart…we must have gotten too warm all tangled up and one of us pushed them off." He said turning to his back and tugging me over into his arms where he rubbed his hands up and down my back and arms trying to warm me up.

"Mmm… 'one of us'?" I asked snuggling into his chest.

"Well, only 'one of us' needs the bedroom window open to sleep even in the winter, so I'm gonna take a wild guess at who got too warm last night…" I teased and glanced over at the window that had been left closed in all the commotion of the night before.

It was things like that I remembered from even before we were really together—the window open to sleep, the way he double knotted his shoes—that reassured me in darkest moments, reminding me that there _were_ things about us that had remained the same. For as many ways as the Capitol and the Hunger Games had changed us all, there were certain things that they would never have the privilege to touch.

Peeta didn't even argue his case, just lifted his head and looked over at the closed window himself.

"Can I open it now?" He asked hopefully and I groaned and rolled on top of him.

"No! It's FREEZING outside…" I pouted and reached up to try and flatten his unruly bed head.

"Besides, we'll both be out there soon enough. That is if I'm still invited to come with you to work today…" I asked hopefully and slipped my arms under his pillow behind his head.

"Absolutely…" He grinned up at me and slid his arms down from where they were wrapped around my upper body to rest his hands on my backside.

"…wife…" he whispered and I smiled shyly down at him.

"Not till Monday." I whispered back and leaned down to kiss a trail from his throat up to his ear. I was a little bit amazed that when he used that word, 'wife' I felt butterflies in my stomach instead of the lead ball that usually came with thinking about marriage. It was just another sign that I was definitely ready to marry him. Or as ready as I was ever going to be.

"Mmm…semantics…" Peeta murmured and raised his hips up against mine.

"You feel very…. 'wifely' right now…" he said using his hands on my ass to pull me more tightly against his morning erection.

"Noo….I don't want a quickie 5 minutes before we have to get up for work." I said pulling my hips back from his a little bit and smiling to temper my words when I saw Peeta frown.

"I just mean…not after what we had last night…" I whispered sweetly and traced his jaw with my index finger.

"…it'd feel…I dunno, cheap I guess." I said and Peeta stared up at me with such love in his eyes that I was sure the next thing he was going to say would be lovely and romantic.

I was wrong.

"I'm actually really okay with cheap." He said with that dreamy look in his eyes still firmly in place and I slapped his chest hard and rolled my eyes.

"Pervert." I laughed and rolled off of him back to my side of the bed and Peeta followed more quickly than I would have expected being as he still seemed groggy just a moment before.

"Mmm…I know, but I'm _your_ pervert." He whispered settling on top of me and bending down to kiss my neck.

"Please?" he mumbled against the hollow between my collar bones.

"No." I said petulantly even as I spread my legs and let him settle his hips between them.

"Please?" Peeta said again with a growl and nipped at my chin and jawline as he began rubbing his hips into mine suggestively.

I sighed dramatically and brought my arms up around his neck under the covers with a grown of assent as I felt him smiling triumphantly against my cheek.

"Thatta girl." He whispered and I growled at him as our lips moved frantically with one heated kiss after another.

"Yeah, yeah..." I gasped and gripped his hair on both sides of his head. "You suck, dude."

I laughed and felt Peeta smile as he moved his kisses down my neck heading toward my chest.

Later, after a distractingly late start to our morning, Peeta and I were at the bakery working on the third batch of fresh pastries for the morning and the second batch of the regular daily offerings when Haymitch ambled through the front door.

Peeta was in the back room baking and I was sitting on a stool by the register, my feet propped up on the back edge of the display case. Of course, I was in the middle of a yawn when the bells over the door signaled Haymitch's arrival and he couldn't resist the chance to harass me.

"Pretty unprofessional to be sittin' with your feet up when a customer walks in, isn't it, Sweetheart?" he smirked and I didn't even bother moving my feet down onto the floor, just leaned back in the chair more and grinned at him.

"I don't think drunken, scoundrel next door neighbors count as customers." I said as Haymitch came behind the counter and pushed my feet off the case so he could reach in through the back and pull out a danish.

"Hey!" I said sitting up as my feet hit the floor.

"Plan on paying for that?" I asked as Haymitch headed into the back room.

"Nope," He called over his shoulder through a mouthful and I rolled my eyes and stood to follow him.

There was no one else in the shop at the time but I still stood leaning in the doorway to the kitchen so that I could keep an eye on the front door. Between watching the door and listening to Peeta and Haymitch chat about the recent bout of snow we'd had, I passed shy smiles and playful glances back and forth with Peeta.

Neither of us could have helped it if we tried. After the playful morning we'd spent in bed following a night where I'd finally agreed to marry Peeta, there was no way either one of us could keep the smiles off our faces.

For Peeta, this wouldn't have been something Haymitch's sharp intuition would have picked up on as he was always, even at that time 10 years into our relationship, looking at me with the kind of love in his eyes you'd generally expect only to see in the early weeks and months of a relationship. Peeta has always claimed to be the lucky one of the two of us for having finally won me over, but I secretly know it is me who is the lucky one. I can think of no other man who would put up with what Peeta has put up with from me for what I'm sure has seemed like eons to him.

Even before the emotional trauma I sustained in the arena, it could never be said that I was particularly nice to him. For goodness sake, the boy burned a loaf of bread which he probably knew he'd take a beating for just to feed me and I was too cowardly to even thank him for it until the sentiment was _way_ overdue.

Looking at him smiling at me with more love than I probably deserved as he rolled dough and talked to Haymitch made me smile even wider for what could be nothing less than the greatest stroke of luck a girl of such long-running misfortune could have ever received.

About 5 minutes into their conversation, Haymitch started to realize that Peeta's attention was being split between the two of us and that Peeta was wearing a grin a mile wide that hadn't wavered since they started talking. Haymitch abruptly stopped talking mid-sentence and looked pointedly between the two of us.

My own grin had grown as well and I noticed a smile tugging at the corner of Haymitch's mouth.

"Okay, what's going on with you two, because I know this is more than the sickening lovey-dovey nonsense I usually have to put up with…" he said and Peeta's cheeks reddened even as he continued to knead the dough in front of him on the counter.

We let the silence hang in the air for a few moments and I finally answered when Haymitch crossed his arms over his chest and raised his eyebrows as he continued looking between us.

"Nothing much, we were just wondering if you were busy Monday morning?" I asked and Haymitch rolled his eyes.

"Oh sure, loads to do," He quipped sarcastically and Peeta and I looked at each other and rolled our eyes as well.

"You know me, busy, busy, busy…" he said rubbing his hands together with mock excitement and then waving them in the air, exasperated.

"Well, come on! Out with it!" he said looking back and forth between the two of us quickly. I started to open my mouth to answer him when suddenly, a small dough ball went whizzing through the air and smacked right into Haymitch's cheek and fell to the floor.

He looked stunned for a moment and reached up to touch the dusting of flour on his cheek before his eyes narrowed and he turned his head to glare at Peeta. Before he could give him hell though, Peeta leaned back against the counter and folded his arms with a smirk.

"Oh you know, nothing big. We were just wondering if you wouldn't mind staying sober long enough to come down to the Justice Building and sign our marriage license as a witness on Monday, but if you're busy..." Peeta said and I made my way across the room to put my arms around his waist, smiling like an idiot at Haymitch.

Haymitch didn't even bother with a snarky comment or over-the-top fake excitement. In fact, he looked momentarily shocked (giving me an idea of how likely he thought it to be that I would ever get to a place where I was comfortable enough with marriage to go through with it) and then a wide, genuine smile spread across his face that even reached his eyes.

"Seriously?" he asked softly and moved over to stand in front of us as Peeta reached out a hand to clap Haymitch on the shoulder.

"She's finally going to make an honest man of me." Peeta said with a wink and bent down to kiss me chastely.

When he pulled back and we both turned to look at Haymitch, he was regarding us with such open affection that I felt myself getting a little choked up and tried chuckling to cover it.

"Hey, don't go getting all emotional on us…" I sniffed and moved out of Peeta's arms to wrap my own around Haymitch's neck. "…it kinda freaks me out." I teased and pecked him on the cheek quickly.

Haymitch snorted and gently brought his arms up around me, holding me with surprising tenderness and kissed me on the cheek as well.

"Well I'll be damned…good for you, girl." He whispered and then released me before turning to Peeta.

I watched their interaction with a mixture of amusement and heartbreak. I saw before me not two Hunger Games victors, a mentor and a tribute, but an orphan seeking the approval of the man he'd looked upon as a father for years after the loss of his own beloved one.

Peeta shifted nervously from foot to foot, rubbing the back of his neck anxiously with one hand and reaching out to shake Haymitch's hand with the other. Haymitch smiled and folded his own hand around Peeta's and pumped it warmly before pulling him forward into a brief hug and giving Peeta a hearty slap on the back.

I was suddenly reminded of the time in District 13 when I was trying to film a propo while simultaneously dealing with the knowledge that whatever I said in those televised spots would be directly taken out on Peeta. I remembered the hopelessness, the soul-crushing despair I felt as I stood in front of a camera and tried to be strong for the rebellion when all I wanted was to crawl into a supply closet and weep. I remembered the way I fell into Haymitch's arms because he was the only other person left alive that truly loved Peeta as much as I did.

"Congratulations, son." I heard him whisper softly before they both pulled back from the manly embrace.

Peeta returned to my side and wrapped an arm around my shoulders again and I looped one arm around his waist and placed my free hand on his chest over his heart.

"So you approve then?" I asked playfully and Haymitch shrugged, a sly grin tugging at his mouth as he tried and failed to resist the air of excitement penetrating the room.

"Of course I approve, you've made him wait long enough…" Haymitch grumbled with an affectionate smile and then raised his eyebrows.

"I don't have to…give you away or anything, do I?" He asked suddenly and looked me over suspiciously.

I rolled my eyes thinking there was nothing Haymitch would enjoy more than symbolically giving me the heave-ho and shook my head.

"Nope, just sign on the dotted line as a witness and you can go back to your morning bottle." I smirked and Haymitch thought on this for a long moment and then shrugged.

"Might as well follow you back to the house for your toasting." He mumbled and then raised his eyebrows at the two of us.

"You are doing the toasting aren't you?" he asked and I couldn't help but look into his face.

He had aged a respectable decade or so since I first met him in person, and with those added years, I couldn't help but think of him as an old district resident insisting that the engaged couple carry on a long-held tradition.

"Of course we are, Haymitch." I said rolling my eyes.

"I called Sae this morning and she's going to be our other witness. The two of you are the only ones welcome to the JusticeBuilding and back to our house for the toasting." I said simply but with an underlying threat of bodily harm if he told another living soul about our plans.

"Sure, sure…" Haymitch said with a dismissive wave. "But don't you think you ought to let your mother know that you and the boy are finally tying the knot?" he asked and I frowned at such a silly old expression. _Tying the knot. How odd. _

"We'll call her tonight, but she won't be able to get here from 4 by Monday." Peeta replied seeing that I was at a momentary loss.

I couldn't help the sad, brief memory of the similar way Finnick used to jump in to answer for Annie when her mind wandered off. It only reminded me, again, of how none of us were as sound of mind as we had been before our time in the Games.

"We're going to have something in the spring when it's warmer out." I explained, feeling like I needed to get myself back in the conversation before either Peeta or Haymitch suspected I might be having second thoughts.

"We'll put up the tent in the meadow." I suggested and then looked up into Peeta's face with a sad smile. "So that we can be near Peeta's family too."

They both knew that I was referring to the mass grave that lay beneath the soil in that beautiful meadow where all the casualties of the bombing of 12 lay buried together.

Peeta startled slightly at the reason behind my suggestion but then a sad, sweet look passed over his face and he leaned in to kiss me gently in thanks.

"Right." He said clearing his throat and turned back to Haymitch but kept me tucked possessively beneath his arm.

"And we'll invite Effie and Johanna and Jaxson. Annie and Zale. Katniss' mother, of course." Peeta said and then shrugged.

"And I suppose it wouldn't be a party unless we asked Plutarch to come." He chuckled.

I smiled and nodded then looked toward the window out at our district.

"Everyone who's come back to 12 will be invited too. After all, we've all supported each other these last 10 years, it only seems right that they should get to enjoy the party too." I explained and Peeta nodded and stroked a hand down my back, probably thinking of how far I'd come from the loner who had no friends in school to someone who wanted the whole community at her wedding reception.

"That sounds great, Katniss." He smiled and it widened into a grin. "I'll make the cake." He said wagging his eyebrows and I smiled back and nodded.

"Alright, well first things first." Haymitch said picking up his cane from where it was balanced against the cabinets on the floor.

"Let's get you two married." He said pointing at us with the pointed ended of the cane and Peeta laughed softly and swatted the stick out of our faces.

As Haymitch headed for the back door of the bakery, he turned slightly and watched us standing together, our arms wrapped casually around each other as we leaned against one of the large island counter tops.

He looked between us for a long moment and then nodded slowly with such fatherly admiration that I almost wanted to weep selfishly for my own father who wouldn't be here to see me marry the man I loved and who I knew he would greatly approve of.

"I'm mighty proud of you both." He whispered almost to himself before he walked out the door back into the winter cold.

Peeta and I watched the door for a long time. I could sense that Peeta wanted to say something but it was still a full 3 minutes at least before he did.

"Well he sure is getting sentimental in his old age."

He was teasing but I knew it was just to break up the cloud of sadness hanging over our heads. I knew that we were both thinking of our long-gone fathers and how much the pain of missing them still tore at our hearts.

I smiled and turned my head to look up at Peeta and he narrowed his eyes at me in that way that told me he was forever trying to guess what was on my mind.

"He sure is, Husband." I said, using the word aloud for the first time. The effect on Peeta was immediate.

He smiled shyly and leaned in to kiss me gently on the lips. When I moved a hand up to hold his cheek and deepen it, Peeta chuckled against my lips.

"Not till Monday." He said echoing my words from the morning when he had been trying (and succeeding) to coerce me into…making us late to open the bakery.

I smiled against his lips and chuckled as well before bringing both arms up around his neck and kissing him even more deeply as he pulled me closer against his solid, warm body.

"Mmm…semantics…" I said echoing his words from the morning as well. We pulled apart reluctantly when the bells over the door out front announced the arrival of a customer.

On Monday morning I was in the shower when I overheard Peeta making nervous last minute phone calls to both Sae and Haymitch to make sure they were meeting us at 11:00 on the steps of the Justice building. I smiled to myself but hoped the stress of this event wouldn't be too much for Peeta and cause him to have an episode. Actually, I couldn't think of a worse way to spend my wedding night than alone in bed while my new husband suffered away from me behind a locked door.

I called out to him when I heard his conversation with Haymitch end and Peeta stuck his head into the bathroom looking more frazzled than I'd probably ever seen him outside of when he was having an episode. He was always so reliably calm that to see him that way was a bit of a shock to me.

He was already dressed in black slacks and a pressed white shirt. The cuffs on the sleeves remained undone (something he was probably waiting for me to do when I got out) and the top two buttons on the shirt were still unbuttoned. His feet (one real, one shiny plastic) were bare, but I suspected he had a pair of black socks, his nicest black boots, and my favorite tie (a forest green one) laid out perfectly on the bed ready to go.

I still hadn't decided on which of the beautiful dresses I never wore that hung in the back of my closet like a fabric shrine to my beloved stylist I would choose for the brief JusticeBuilding ceremony. Another way Peeta and I were so different in our approach to everything.

"Hey, you need a towel?" He asked a little louder than necessary and I knew his nerves were strung tighter than the clothes line in our backyard I used in the spring and summer months to dry our wash.

I shook my head and stuck one hand out from behind the curtain, curling my index finger in toward me in a 'come here' motion. Peeta frowned slightly but entered the bathroom and walked over to lean against the wall beside the shower stiffly.

"What's up? We gotta go soon you know? I just talked to Haymitch and Sae, 11 is good for both of them." He said running a hand nervously through his hair and I smiled softly around the curtain.

"it's 9 o'clock, Peet." I said softly and rested the side of my head and one shoulder against the shower wall.

"It takes 20 minutes to walk to the JusticeBuilding from here. 5 if we drive, which I suspect we'll want to do so that no one sees us walking into town all dressed up on a Monday when you're supposed to be at the bakery." I smiled and reached out to hold one of Peeta's hands and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

Calen was feeling better and had come in late Saturday and before Peeta was even able to ask, had offered to open for most of the week to make up the hours he'd lost from his bout with the flu. Peeta had readily agreed and told him he could work Monday and Tuesday alone since they would probably still not be real busy on account of the snow. What he'd really wanted was an excuse to not need to come in to work at all on his wedding day or the day after as we had planned to spend our wedding night in our cabin at the lake.

"I know…I just…I just wanna make sure everything is perfect." He mumbled shyly and I squeezed his hand again to bring his eyes up from the floor to meet mine.

"I'm marrying the best person I've ever met today." I said simply and shrugged. "I can't see how you could make it much more perfect than that." I wasn't trying to be corny or romantic, I was just stating a fact, but the effect on Peeta was immediate.

His shoulders sagged slightly in a relaxing way and the worry lines on his face were replaced by the smooth grooves of deep smile lines I was proud to say I had a hand in putting there over the years. His eyes, shiny with tears looked steadily into mine and he leaned in to kiss me softly.

"Thank you." He mumbled against my lips and I held his cheek, deepening the kiss as I stuck my head out of the shower beyond the curtain.

"You're welcome." I mumbled back and let go of the curtain with my other hand and reached out to place it on his shoulder so that I could tug him closer to me.

As soon as the water from my hand began to soak through his shirt, Peeta tried to step back but I moved both arms to wrap them around his neck and pulled him closer so that my wet torso was pressing against the whole front of his shirt.

"Katniss!" He gasped and tried to pull away again. "You're getting me all wet and I have to wear this to town!" he argued even as he continued kissing me.

I smiled against his lips and chuckled as I pulled him towards me again, forcing him to step over the edge of the tub and into the shower with me.

"You have plenty of white shirts and black pants, Peeta." I argued back playfully as we stood under the spray together and Peeta's clothes became drenched in water. He pulled back from our increasingly heated kisses and looked down at me like he wanted to be annoyed but couldn't possibly when he was bursting with so much joy.

We had been given so few opportunities for joy in our still relatively young lives at the time that Peeta just sighed and shook his head as he leaned in for another kiss. My hands roved up his strong back, bunching the wet fabric of his shirt as I gently kneaded his flesh like Peeta had taught me to do with the dough in the bakery.

Peeta moaned into my mouth quietly and his own hands slid up from where they had fallen to my waist and wrapped around my torso holding me close to him. When he pulled back again, he rested his forehead to mine and sighed heavily.

"I love you so much, Katniss." He whispered and I felt his arms tighten around my back as if he was afraid that moment was a dream and he might still be lying bloody and beaten on the cold floor of his cell in the Capitol like in one of the dreams he'd told me he had frequently.

"I love you too, Peeta." I whispered back and tightened my own arms to ground him in the waking world where he had me to help fight off the nightmares that plagued him.

"…and I can't wait to be your wife." I said kissing his throat as I slid my hands around to his front and reached for the buttons on his shirt.

"Did you wash yet?" He asked quietly as I pushed the shirt off of his shoulders and unzipped his pants which fell with a squishy plop to the bottom of the tub.

"No, just rinsed off so far…you weren't the only one whose mind was preoccupied this morning." I teased and Peeta worked his boxers to the ground as well and pushed them back with his feet into the already soggy pile of clothes behind him.

"Good, turn around. I wanna do it." He said with such tender reverence in his voice and a chill went up my spine that had nothing to do with sexual gratification.

I felt… cherished by this man who had always loved me. I turned around immediately and put my hands at my sides as I heard him reaching for the body wash behind him on the shelf. My whole body tingled as I listened to him pop open the cap and gooseflesh spread over my skin from head to toe as I wondered where his hands might go first.

I felt him step closer to me again so that his front was just grazing my back and he slowly brought his hands up to my middle and began soaping my belly, hips, and sides. I sighed heavily and sank back into his chest comfortably, my head lolling to the side and giving him the access he wanted to pepper kisses down one side of my neck to my shoulder.

"Mine." He whispered possessively and the small part of my unconscious mind that liked that side of Peeta sang with joy as his soapy hands moved up to cup and knead my breasts.

"Yours." I hissed and reached back to hold onto his hips to steady myself against his loving touch.

Peeta's hands slid up from my chest to my shoulders and I felt him hesitate a moment before they rose to my neck, his strong but gentle hands moving deftly to loosen the knots of tension anywhere he felt them. I relaxed back into his arms even more, letting him know with my body that I trusted him to touch my neck without fear that he might hurt me. Peeta obviously didn't trust himself enough, spending much less time touching my neck than he had any other part of my body so far during this experience.

"Yours, Peeta." I said again and he put his hands on my shoulders, making me turn around to face him.

I startled slightly when I looked up into his eyes and saw that he was crying, his tears mixing in with the water from the shower. I suspected his tears were a little bit because he still didn't trust him_self_ not to hurt me, but they were also because of how willing _I _was to trust him being so close to me after his hijacking, his early episodes and all the many, many times that red X had hung on the door in the time we'd been together.

"Yours." I whispered again determinedly and stepped forward into his arms under the spray, rinsing away the suds and hopefully some of Peeta's lingering doubts and remorse as I reached up and put my arms around his shoulders and kissed him soundly.

"Kat…" he groaned and buried his face in my neck, rocking me back and forth as we just held each other. We may have exchanged official vows in front of Sae, Haymitch, and a court justice a few hours later, but our true vows to each other were whispered beneath the healing waters of that shower on the morning we wed.

A little later, both of us noticeably calmer, I straightened Peeta's tie and he slid the clasp of my pearl necklace around to the back of my neck where it belonged and stroked the fingers of one hand down the length of the braid he'd asked me to wear my hair in for the ceremony.

"Ready?" I asked picking a piece of lint off of his gray suit coat (chosen by Peeta specifically to match my eyes) as we stood together at the end of our bed. I wore a soft cream-colored gown that I'd have to hold up on the way to the car so that it didn't drag through the dirty snow piling up around our street that Peeta and I had been shoveling aside in the past weeks. It wasn't one of the wedding dresses I'd had to choose from—I didn't want to wear any of those on my _real_ wedding day—but it was one that Cinna had made for me.

Peeta smiled confidently and reached up to tug on the end of my braid playfully, like a little boy in school would have done to the girl he liked. Like Peeta would perhaps have done to me if he hadn't been so intimidated by his love for me from the get go.

"I've been ready for this my whole life." He said honestly and with that same reverence in his voice that I'd heard in the shower earlier.

I smiled up at him and we just looked at each other for the longest time, neither wanting to break the spell of the moment. We just wanted to take in every moment of that day. I was sure that the morning alone had given Peeta at least 3-4 months worth of moments to put on canvas and I even went as far as to ask him if he would paint our wedding portrait to hang over the fireplace downstairs.

Peeta had readily agreed.

Thinking of moments frozen in time in Peeta's artwork made me remember something Peeta had said on the roof of the training center the day before the Quarter Quell and I smiled.

"I think...I wish I could freeze this moment, right here, right now, and live in it forever." I said softly and Peeta's brow furrowed slightly and he looked to his right which is something he does still when he is trying to decide if something is a memory or if it was implanted by the Capitol during his torture.

"Me too." He said softly and then looked back into my eyes. "I said that to you on the roof the day before the Quarter Quell. Real or not real?" he asked and I smiled brightly, happier than I could put into words that our day long picnic on the roof hadn't been erased from his mind.

"Real. And it was one of the most wonderful things anyone has ever said to me." I said reaching out to stroke his cheek.

Peeta raised a hand to wrap around my wrist where I was touching his face and closed his eyes. I suspected that he was giving his own thanks for having been able to keep that memory safe.

"Alright then, let's go." I grinned up at him and we held hands as we started for the bedroom door, me trying to balance in heels I suspected I'd never be comfortable in. When we reached the top of the stairs, I screeched as Peeta scooped me unexpectedly into his arms and carried me down the steps so that I wouldn't fall.

"Thank you." I whispered shyly as he set me down on my feet at the bottom and helped me on with my coat.

"You're welcome." Peeta said easily and shrugged a heavy coat of his own on before opening the door for me.

"You think Haymitch stayed sober for signing the license?" He asked both amused and concerned as I stepped out onto the porch and he followed me.

"He better have or I'm going to kick his ass." I warned and Peeta laughed as he pulled the door shut behind us.


	35. Chapter 29

**A/N: I decided to change things up a little with this chapter so we'll be in Peeta's mind for a change. Okay, I'll admit it…I just really would rather hear what's going on in Peeta's head on their wedding day since he's the one that's been waiting for it FOREVER. Enjoy! And as always, reviews are appreciated…and sometimes placed on my refrigerator like good report cards. **

Chapter 29

_I could make you happy, make your dreams come true_

_There's nothing that I would not do_

_Go to the ends of the Earth for you_

_To make you feel my love _

-Bob Dylan "Make You Feel My Love"

Katniss and I were surprised to find we weren't the first ones in our little party to reach the Justice Building on the gray winter morning we officially became husband and wife.

On the ride over, we both kept an eye out for Haymitch and Sae, having decided we would pick them up on our way if we spotted either of them trudging through the snow on their way to town.

Most people in the outlying districts like us in 12, the farmers in 11, even the ranchers in 10 had little need for vehicles aside from ones used for transporting goods to other districts. The sad truth of it was, those of us who had survived the war and returned home to these places were either with the broken remains of our families or had no one left. Leaving 10 or 11 or 12 wouldn't change that and so many of us returned to our former homes and stayed, happy just to be alive. Leaving would only draw more attention to our loneliness and if by some collective decision, we all decided we'd rather be lonely together. If anyone had cause to go to another district, they took the rail system which had been refurbished and in some cases, rebuilt, since the end of the war.

Katniss and I still had the same vehicle we'd driven to the Capitol for the first anniversary. Plutarch had told us to consider it a gift; thanks for having been so cooperative during that time.

It still ran well 10 years later, but of course it had only been used for short trips back and forth to the bakery, to the train station to pick up visitors when our friends and family from District 7 and District 4 came to stay with us from time to time.

I watched Katniss out of the corner of my eye as I drove us to town. She was quiet but that wasn't unusual.

There are days even now when Katniss can spend a day or two lost inside her mind, not speaking or sometimes even able to get out of bed for that matter. These days are almost more difficult to explain to our children than the days I am behind the door with the red X because the mother they see curled up, mute and seemingly uninterested in taking care of them is so different than the mother they know the rest of the time.

"How you doin' over there, sweetheart?" I asked reaching over at one point to take Katniss' hand where she had them both folded on her lap.

She turned to look at me with a coy but playful smile and placed her free hand on top of mine so that it was sandwiched between both of hers. She lifted the top hand briefly and held it out between us in the air, palm down.

"I'm fine. Steady as can be." She grinned and I looked down to see that in fact her hand was perfectly steady, Giving no indication that she was even the slightest bit nervous.

It went a long way to making me feel more confident myself. I reached for her hand again and brought it up to press my face against the smooth skin on the back lightly and then kissed her knuckles.

"I love you, Katniss. Thank you so much for agreeing to be my wife." I said still keeping one eye on the road as I continued to hold her hand to my face.

Katniss tugged her hand free of mine so that she could stroke my clean-shaven cheek with the knuckles I had just kissed and then smiled softly.

"I've already been yours for so long, Peet." She said and brought my hand back down to her lap where she placed it once again between both of hers.

"This just makes it _officially_ official." She smirked and I chuckled as we pulled into the parking lot beside the Justice Building. I turned off the car and leaned over to kiss her softly.

"What a way with words you have, Miss Everdeen." I murmured against her lips and Katniss leaned in to deepen the kiss.

I knew exactly why Katniss was making sure to give me so many reassurances about the wedding and I have to say, I appreciated her efforts. Katniss knew well enough by that point that there would always be a part of me, and we'd never quite know when that part was going to show up, that would have doubts about her feelings for me. Living together for all those years and then her finally agreeing to have our relationship legally recognized went a long way toward keeping 'bad Peeta' at bay, but the simple truth of it was he would likely never completely disappear.

The fact that she was still willing to share her life, her heart and her body with me despite the emotional, and sometimes physical, toll it took on her and I to do so made me love her even more than I thought possible.

"Don't you mean Mrs. Mellark?" She whispered and pulled back briefly to smile into my eyes.

"In a few minutes it will be." I whispered back and leaned in to kiss her again.

Our lips were just about to touch when someone pounded loudly on the driver's side window behind my head and I turned quickly to see Haymitch bending over looking in through the frosty glass at us.

"Save it for the cabin! Some of us are standing sober out in the freezing frickin' cold waiting to sign a damned piece of paper, so let's get on with it!" he bellowed and Katniss stared daggers at him which of course just made me laugh.

I nodded to Haymitch as I pushed the door open and he stepped back to let me climb out of the car.

"Good morning, Haymitch. Lovely day for a wedding don't you think?" I asked brightly and slapped him heartily on the back before moving around the car to open the door for Katniss.

I half listened to Haymitch continue going on about standing in the cold as I reached for Katniss' hand and helped her out of the car. She smiled at me, her cheeks rosy from the cold and her eyes bright with excitement. She looked so much like the brave little girl who stood up on a stool to sing The Valley Song on the first day of school that I couldn't help leaning in to kiss her once more, my right hand moving of its own accord up to stroke braid again lightly.

"Well there they are; the happy couple!" Sae said suddenly from beside us and Katniss and I pulled back from the kiss to regard her shyly.

She was dressed in her finest, her white hair swept back in a brilliant blue scarf that I assumed she knitted herself and wearing a pair of shiny black snow boots with white fur trim around the tops that almost reached her knees. She wore a midnight blue coat with 4 brass buttons that clasped it closed from about mid thigh all the way up to her neck.

Haymitch came up alongside her and they both smiled proudly at the two of us as we all started up the steps to the door of the Justice Building. Haymitch was the first to reach the door and he opened it for Sae to go in ahead of him.

I heard him starting to ask 'what the hell were we doing now?' but he stopped as soon as he saw me and my bride-to-be standing on the top step, in the very same place where we had first shaken hands at the first reaping. In the very same place where I had stood beside her after volunteering to take Haymitch's spot in the reaping before the quarter quell.

It was strange to think that if Katniss hadn't volunteered for Prim and I hadn't been reaped we might not be standing in that same place we first held each other's hand, getting ready to walk into that same building to marry. It was one of the first times I really understood the meaning of the word 'bittersweet' because Katniss and I probably wouldn't have been standing there had it not been for the Hunger Games.

Just one more way that the Games had changed our lives forever to add to the list.

Without a spoken word between us, I reached for Katniss' hand at the same time she reached for mine. Neither Haymitch nor Sae made any further remarks about the cold as they stood watching us silently looking out over the square in front of the steps.

When people began to take notice of us standing there, I tugged on Katniss' hand and led her back over to where Haymitch and Sae were standing by the door. Sae was holding onto Haymitch at his elbow, patting her eyes gently with the handkerchief he kept handy in the breast pocket of his suit coat.

"You ready to do this?" Haymitch asked as we all stepped inside the doors together and were relieved to find the main lobby empty aside from a security guard sitting at a desk who looked to be about mine and Katniss' age.

"Absolutely." I said holding up the little packet of paperwork and glancing over at Katniss lovingly.

She smiled back and my heart melted as I held her gaze for a long few seconds and tried to memorize everything about how she looked right then, balancing on the threshold between being my fiancée and becoming my wife. I knew for sure that I'd want to paint that image later and I was looking forward to doing so almost as much as I was looking forward to the wedding night we were going to spend at our cabin.

"Me too. Absolutely." She said softly and Sae couldn't contain her already teeming emotions any longer.

She stepped forward and grabbed first me and then Katniss, hugging us each tightly before stepping back and casting her eyes at the floor in embarrassment.

"Oh, I'm sorry." She mumbled dabbing her eyes again with the hanky and fanning herself with the other hand. "Don't you mind this silly old woman." She laughed through her tears and Katniss and I both smiled at her affectionately.

Sae had become like a grandmother to the two of us, taking care of us those first few months back in 12 and keeping a rather obvious eye on us for Katniss' mother over the years. We pretended not to know that she was reporting back to Mrs. Everdeen a few times a month. It seemed to make them both happy and Mrs. Everdeen's calls sounded less worried since she'd been getting her little updates from Sae.

Haymitch shook his head and cleared his throat as he stepped forward next to Sae and then leaned over to whisper something to her that Katniss and I could barely hear.

"Don't you think you should stop blubbering like a silly old romantic fool and give the girl that…" he paused and cast us a quick glance before leaning in a little closer to Sae where he whispered, "…thing?"

Katniss and I shared a puzzled look as Sae made a sound of excitement and then quickly began patting down her coat and searching through pockets. She smiled when she found what she was looking for and gently pulled a small cloth from her pocket and unfolded it to reveal a silky, light blue hair ribbon. Or at least I was pretty sure that was what it was, but then I lived in a house full of boys so I wasn't sure until Sae confirmed it.

"Your Mama gave this to me for safe-keeping one time when she came here to visit a few years ago." She explained and looked at Katniss who had taken a curious step forward.

"She assumed that when this day came it might be a bit…spurr-of-the-moment-like, so she asked me to make sure you had the ribbon she wore in her hair the day she married your Daddy." Sae said softly and smiled warmly at Katniss even as she leaned in and carefully weaved the ribbon through Katniss' braid.

She continued speaking as Katniss reached up to gently touch the ribbon whistfully and they both smiled at each other.

"She said he bought it for her himself just before their wedding and chose the color because it matched your mother's eyes." Sae said and then grinned the type of grin only a woman remembering her own long-gone love could.

"He told her to keep it for the little girl of their own he hoped they'd have one day." Sae nodded and Katniss lifed her chin, bravely blinking back tears.

I had come to realize in those years I lived with Katniss before we were married, just how much she deeply loved and missed her father. He had passed on his dark looks, his talent for singing and his deep pride for taking care of their family to his oldest daughter who _I _loved so much and so even though I'd never formally met the man, I had a deep and profound respect for him. I knew how much this small token from her mother, and in a strange but wonderful way, her father, meant to Katniss.

"Thank you, Sae." Katniss whispered and leaned forward to wrap the old woman in a fierce hug.

I stood back smiling at them but looked over at Haymitch when he cleared his throat quietly. I could tell by the way he was shifting from one foot to the other that he was nervous and a nervous Haymitch, made _me_ nervous.

"What?" I blurted out suddenly and Katniss pulled back from hugging Sae who was smiling knowingly at Haymitch.

When he made eye contact with Sae she very subtly nodded her head towards me and Haymitch cleared his throat again.

"Yeah, right…so…here you go." He said gruffly and took one of my hands and turned it over so that my palm was facing up and then placed something round and smooth in the middle of it.

I looked at him for a moment, still sort of puzzled by his anxiety, and then opened my hand slowly to reveal the watch he always wore in the pocket of his vest. I held it up by the chain and then slid my eyes over to Haymitch.

He was still shifting uncomfortably and when I looked to him for further explanation he shrugged and continued to avoid my gaze even as he spoke.

"Right, well, I figured you deserved a wedding present too and it's not like I have much need for a watch." He shrugged. "You know I tell the time by how many bottles I've got piled up at the back door and…"

Before he could finish, I walked straight for Haymitch and wrapped my arms around his neck like a child, holding him tightly so that he couldn't pull away from me.

Suprisingly, he didn't even try to.

Slowly, as if coming out of a trance, Haymitch raised his arms and wrapped them strongly around my torso and held me too. I tried to keep my emotions in check, but knowing Haymitch had given me the watch for no other reason (despite his rather ridiculous excuse that he didn't need one) than that he loved me like a son and he was the closest thing I had left to a father, made tears burn behind my eyes.

"Thanks, Haymitch." I whispered and heard what I was pretty sure was both Sae and Katniss sniffling quietly behind me as I continued to hug Haymitch.

"You're welcome, boy." He mumbled and then pulled back and turned to the security guard to avoid any further sharing of his emotions.

I walked back over to stand beside Katniss and held the pocket watch up for her to look at. She smiled and leaned in to kiss me softly and then took the watch from me and carefully fixed it by the chain to the vest of the suit I was wearing and tucked the watch into the little pocket there.

I shrugged out of my winter coat and helped Katniss off with hers while Haymitch asked the security guard to point us towards the office of the register of marriage licenses.

I looked over at the security guard who, by the amount of sweat I could see coming through his uniform shirt, clearly knew who all of the people standing in the lobby in front of him were. His anxiety seemed to triple when Haymitch asked where we had to go to have a marriage license signed and he pieced together the implications of that question.

I felt for the poor guy, I really did. He tried so hard to hide his surprise at hearing the victors of the 74th Hunger Games and the poster children of the revolution were finally getting married, but anyone of the 4 of us could tell he was bursting at the seams to tell _someone_, anyone probably.

"Um, oh, it…it's on the second floor. Take a…a right off the elevator and you'll be right in front of it." He stammered after springing up from his seat at the desk like a fire had been lit beneath the chair when Haymitch spoke.

Haymitch smiled pleasantly enough but I noticed it didn't quite reach his eyes. He took a step closer to the desk as he reached into his pocket. I could hear the quiet jingle of coins and gripped Katniss' hand harder as he removed a few gold coins and pressed them into the guard's sweaty hand as he reached out to shake it in thanks.

"Thanks, appreciate it." Haymitch said evenly and stared the guard straight in the eyes.

"I'd appreciate it even more," he said producing a few more coins and taking the man's hand again in what I could tell was a much firmer grip. "If you could find it in you to keep this to yourself."

I noticed the guard's back stiffen and his brow furrow briefly and knew that Haymitch was squeezing his hand very hard. Katniss snorted slightly and turned her face into my shoulder to keep from laughing as the guard nodded and told Haymitch to keep the extra coins.

"No, no…that's no problem, I wouldn't tell a _soul_." He assured us all as he looked down the line of skeptical faces in front of him. Haymitch smirked and dropped the coins back into his pocket before he started for the elevator.

But not before he tossed one more threat the guard's way.

"Terrific. We'll know who to see if word gets out then." He said dryly and I could almost hear the poor guy's balls ascending into his stomach as he dropped back into the chair behind his desk.

Sae followed Haymitch immediately but Katniss and I hung back a moment, stunned by what Haymitch had said to the guard. We turned our heads to look at one another at the same time and then burst out laughing as we hurried over to the elevator as well.

Haymitch grinned proudly as he held the doors open for us and we stumbled on to the elevator still chuckling. Sae was shaking her head disapprovingly but she was smiling too so I doubted she really was concerned about the fidgety guard's feelings either.

The ride up in the elevator was quiet as the full weight of the step we were about to take settled in on the two of us. Sae and Haymitch were just as quiet and I appreciated them allowing us these few moments of silence to think back on everything that had brought us to that day.

I thought of how if Katniss and I had been more convincing during the Victory Tour, this day would have come with a great deal of pomp and circumstance. It would have come with probably no less than 3 parties, dress rehearsals as if it was some staged show, musical selections, food upon food upon food, and it would have been broadcast in every corner of Panem.

Hell, if we had let Plutarch Heavensbee know even a few days before when Katniss suggested we go file the paperwork, he probably would have still been able to put together a party or two and sent a camera crew out to us.

But looking over at Katniss in a simple cream colored dress, her hair tied in a braid with her mother's wedding day ribbon threaded through it, the two people who had cared for us when no one else seemed qualified or willing enough to take the job standing behind us, I couldn't imagine a better wedding day after all we'd been through.

When the doors opened onto the second floor, I squeezed Katniss' hand and she turned her head, smiling at me as she stared straight back into my eyes steadily. I smiled back with her favorite thousand watt Peeta smile and leaned in to kiss her.

"Love you." I whispered against her lips and Katniss sighed softly and rested a hand on my chest right over my heart.

"I love you too, Peeta. Always." She whispered back, echoing the simple but meaningful word engraved on the silver wedding bands I had tucked into my pocket. Another one of the perks of being an artist was being able to engrave the wedding rings I had purchased years ago on my own without drawing a whole lot of unwanted attention.

Haymitch led the way to the marriage license office and we all filed through the door behind him.

It was all rather unremarkable, the ceremony itself, but neither Katniss or I could stop smiling all the way through to the end, even after looking over and signing 35 minutes worth of paperwork beforehand.

Haymitch stood to my right and Sae to Katniss' left as the middle-aged official instructed us to recite our vows to remain honest and faithful to each other until the end of our days on earth. We made other more personal promises as well, to be there for each other in times of need and to _not _be there when it wasn't safe, even if it tore at our hearts to keep away from each other until it was.

We vowed to continue to protect each other to the best of our ability because that's what we did. It was what we had been doing since those first games when I tried to protect Katniss from the careers by joining them, and then she spent the rest of the time in the arena protecting me from, well…everything else. It was what I did when I told the world I loved her and it was what I was trying to do when I made up the lie about the baby.

It was what we both did when we chose to share a bed to keep the nightmares at bay on the Victory Tour and in our apartment in the training center before the Quarter Quell.

It was what Katniss did, dragging me through the Capitol, handcuffed and half-crazed because she couldn't bear to let me go even then.

It was what I did when I brought the red X into our lives.

It was why we had come back together in District 12 and decided that a life together would be more physically, emotionally and psychologically beneficial than a life apart. Protecting each other was what had led to that moment standing in the JusticeBuilding exchange our wedding vows, and so it seemed worth mentioning as we held hands and looked into the eyes of the person we loved most and said those vows.

And just like that, we were husband and wife.

I kissed Katniss soundly without a whole lot of regard for the others in the room and when I released her, she turned into Haymitch's waiting embrace and I stooped slightly to hug Sae.

The official told us that our marriage certificate would be delivered to our home within the week and we thanked him and headed out the door that led back to the elevator. Katniss and I held hands all the way down as Haymitch and Sae beamed at us as openly happy as either of us had ever seen them.

"Thanks for coming with us and signing as witnesses and all that…" I said patting Haymitch on the shoulder and hugging Sae again gently as we rode down to the lobby.

"You're welcome, you wonderful boy." Sae said and I knew my cheeks reddened at her calling me a boy when I was nearing 30-years-old. Katniss chuckled at my embarrassment and I nudged her with my hip as we moved to lean back against the wall just as the elevator reached the lobby and the doors open.

Katniss and I stepped off first followed by Haymitch and Sae and the doors had barely closed behind all of us when the jumpy guard from earlier came around the corner and almost ran right into me.

"Woah! Hey…what's wrong?" I asked holding a hand up to stop him from crashing into me or Katniss.

Haymitch and Sae started to take a defensive position in front of us but I held up my hand to them indicating that I was fine. Sae immediately stepped back but Haymitch hovered nearby, always watchful of mine and Katniss' safety.

"I…I'm sorry….they just started showing up! I…I…swear I didn't call _anyone_. Th…they must have seen you when you walked in!" The guard stammered and waved a nervous hand towards the front doors as he glanced back and forth between me and Haymitch who was glaring at him with narrowed eyes.

I noticed he was sweating again and I glanced towards the door myself before nodding slowly and placing a hand on his shoulder to settle him.

"Hey…slow down, man. I have no idea what you're talking about." I said calmly and unconsciously pulled Katniss in closer to my side in case something bad was about to go down. The guard took a deep breath and tried to calm himself.

"Well just look!" he said waving a hand towards the door anxiously.

Haymitch and I shared a worried look which we both tried to tone down for Katniss and Sae's sake as we all walked cautiously over to the main doors and listened to what sounded like the murmur of insects outside.

"What is that?" Sae asked in a whisper and we all turned our eyes toward her slowly. Katniss shrugged and moved a little closer to me, gripping my hand a little harder. As the resident outdoors expert of the 4 of us, I looked to her to see if she had any idea what the sound was.

"Beats me." She shrugged and looked at each of us. "I've never heard anything in the woods that made that noise." She whispered and I nodded to Haymitch who reached for the handle of the door and opened it slowly.

What we saw when the door was open all the way made Katniss gasp and a lump of emotion rise in my throat. Lining the path from the steps of the JusticeBuilding all the way down the main road of the town as far as we could see, were what looked like every resident of District 12.

They were bundled in warm clothes and jackets, their rosy cheeks and bright smiles peeking out from under hats and scarves as they talked quietly, obviously waiting for something. I realized with a start that what they were waiting for was us. It was the most moving display of affection we'd ever seen.

First those closest to the steps spotted us and they turned to the people next to them and they turned to the people next to them, so on and so forth until their heads turned and their cheers rose to our ears like domnioes falling down in a line.

Without even bothering to check and see how my companions were responding to the astounding sight in front of us, I let a face splitting grin spread from ear to ear. I stepped outside onto the top step and looked behind me at a stunned Katniss before I gently tugged her out to join me.

"Look at them all Kat…" I whispered to her as she stepped up beside me and leaned into my side shyly.

I kissed the top of her head and raised the arm not around Katniss to wave and everyone cheered and waved back up and down the line until the sound became deafening when Katniss raised her free arm as well and waved.

In a brave moment, Katniss turned as we reached the middle of the steps and pulled my face down to hers by the lapels of my jacket that I had pulled on when we reached the lobby. The crowd roared with applause and shouts of congratulations as we kissed for everyone to see. The difference between us kissing like that in front of all the people that remained in our district, and if we were doing so in front of cameras broadcasting to every corner of the country, was that we were choosing to do it on our own terms.

It didn't matter anymore who had alerted our friends and neighbors to our 'secret' wedding, the only thing that mattered was the overwhelming love we could feel from those people, braving the weather to wish us well. Haymitch patted my shoulder twice affectionately to break us up and Katniss and I both laughed as we descended the last half of the stairs and walked down the street heading for our bakery that was just a short walk from there.

"I can't believe this, Peeta!" Katniss hollered over the din of the crowd as she leaned in close to me.

I laughed and shrugged as we both waved to the eager well-wishers on either side of the road. "Me either!" I called back to her and glanced behind me quickly to see Haymitch and Sae following proudly a few steps behind us.

By the time we reached the door of the bakery, we were not only waving but shaking hands and stopping in short bursts to accept congratulations from some of the merchants whose stores were neighbors to the bakery. Calen was waiting on the front stoop, arms folded in feighned seriousness as we climbed the steps to the door.

"Just letting me make up some hours, huh?" He chuckled and then hugged first Katniss and then me, slapping my back warmly before ushering us both inside.

"Sorry Calen, didn't want to spoil the surprise." I said with a wink and nodded towards the back room. "You have that loaf of bread I asked you to put aside this morning?" I asked nervously, unsure of how Katniss would react to this next surprise.

"Sure! Let me go grab it for ya." Calen said excitedly and trotted off for the back room as Katniss and I stood in the middle of our quaint little bakery.

"Haymitch!" Katniss scolded when she caught sight of Haymitch leaning around the back of the display case and snagging himself a pastry.

"What?" Haymitch scowled around a mouthful of flaky danish. "I woke up and stayed sober this morning! That took all of my concentration." He smirked. "Food didn't fit into the equation until just now." He argued and held another large danish out to Sae who politely refused.

Haymitch just shrugged and stuffed the second danish in his mouth before Calen appeared from the back with a loaf of bread wrapped in a large cloth napkin.

"Great! Thanks." I said smiling at him as he handed it to me.

I turned around to face the others in the room as Calen stepped aside and watched me step over in front of Katniss. I held the wrapped loaf out to her and Katniss smiled a little bit warily at me as she took the loaf and gently started to open the cloth.

"Our toasting loaf, Mr. Mellark?" She asked with the strain of emotion in her voice as she realized it was the same type of bread I had burned and thrown to her in the rain all those years ago.

I tried to shrug casually but I was just as emotional. "For sure, _Mrs._ Mellark." I said using her new surname for the first time. It felt wonderful to be able to officially call her mine and some primal, chest-thumping male part of me rang out with pride.

"I just figured…the first time we kind of met it was because of this bread so…" I shrugged shyly and Katniss refolded the napkin around the hot bread so that it would keep for the ride back to our house.

"It's…perfect, Peeta. As usual." Katniss smiled and took my hand before she turned back for the door. I smiled at her eagerness to get home and toast the bread by our fire.

"Uhh…" Calen's voice stopped us in the doorway and I turned to face him with a smile I couldn't hide. "So…should I open tomorrow still or were you going to come in then now that the cat's out of the bag so to speak?" he asked innocently and I cut my eyes at Katniss whose cheeks immediately reddened and I heard Haymitch guffaw behind me.

"Um…" I scratched the back of my head and laughed softly too. "No, kid…I won't be in tomorrow. Katniss and I are going to the cabin for at least the night. I'll call you tomorrow sometime to let you know if we'll be back or if you'll be opening Wednesday as well." I explained and Calen obviously got the hint because I noticed his cheeks reddned as well.

"Oh. Ohhh…s…sure. That's no problem." He mumbled clearing his throat nervously. "Congratulations, boss." He smiled and held out a hand to me. "I'm really, really happy for you guys."

I smiled and took Calen's hand and pulled him in for a quick hug before Katniss stepped up and hugged him as well. I couldn't help chuckling at the way Calen's cheeks reddened about 4 shades darker than they already were when Katniss pecked him on the cheek and thanked him for the bread.

As we stepped back out the door together the crowd cheered once more and I began to hear something like a chant…no, a song…coming from somewhere far down the road. As we continued back up the street to where our car was parked, we could hear more and more people joining in until we could hear pretty clearly a tune that was familiar but not immediately known to me.

"That'll be the District 12 wedding song." Sae explained when she noticed Katniss and I looking at each other puzzled.

I remember being touched and surprised all over again as every person up and down that road began singing the song we usually sing for a couple as they pass over the threshold of their home for the first time as husband and wife.

Katniss and I smiled at each other as we reached the back of the car and kissed once more for the crowd before we climbed inside. Haymitch and Sae climbed in back and even as I turned on the car and drove, we put our windows down despite the cold and listened to the singing all the way back to our home in Victor's Village.

"There's so many of them." Katniss whispered as we drove, each of us waving to as many people as we could. What could be seen as a simple observation, I knew to be more after so many years living with her. Of course, Katniss was stating the obvious, there were thousands of people lining the street all the way to the Victor's Village as we realized once we reached the small road to our home, but she was also noting how many people had returned and thrived since the war.

They had rebuilt their homes, their businesses, their relationships. They had begun to thrive again, marrying and starting families with children I saw coming in and out of the bakery and who I taught baking to once a month on Sundays.

What Katniss really meant was that our once poor little coal mining district had truly risen from the ashes and survived.

"There sure are." I said casually enough and Katniss grinned at me as we pulled up in front of our house and climbed out. The singing continued as we walked up the path to our door, shaking the hands of our closest friends and neighbors and those who knew Katniss best from the Seam who were crowded onto our porch and front steps.

I ushered Sae and Haymitch in ahead of us and Katniss and I turned once we entered the front door and waved one last time to the startling mass of people.

"Thank you all so much! Thank you! Thank you!" I called out as we both waved and Katniss held the toasting loaf securely against her chest with one arm. Katniss pushed the door shut behind us and we both hung up our coats. Sae and Haymitch were already standing off to the side, not wanting to intrude on this special ritual but also obviously not wanting to miss it for the world.

Without a word, Katniss headed for the kitchen to get a knife and I went to the fire place where I quickly set to work building up a fire.

I assumed that everyone outside knew we were doing the toasting because the singing continued outside, almost as loud as it would have been if they were all standing right inside the house with us.

I only made a small fire so that we wouldn't hurt ourselves holding the toasting rod with the bread slices inside of it over the flames. Katniss returned just as I was feeding another small log into the hearth and I sat back on my knees on one side of the fire place while Katniss kneeled on the other side and handed me the toasting rod which was a long handled contraption with a flat wire box attached to one side. I noticed the two slices of bread were already inside and I held them out just above the flames toasting one side of the bread first and then turning the rod in my hands slowly to toast the other side.

It was nice to have Sae and Haymitch there, but for all the glances Katniss and I shared back and forth while we waited for the bread to toast, we might as well have been alone.

"Ready?" Katniss asked leaning forward to check the bread and I nodded and pulled it back from the fire and set the wire box down on the floor between us. I used the cloth napkin to flip open the wire box and gently removed my slice of bread and held it out for Katniss to take a bite.

She did and I could see the memory of sharing that burnt loaf of bread reflecting in her eyes as she chewed and then leaned in to kiss me softly after she swallowed. "Love you." She murmured before we pulled back and she removed the second slice of bread and held it out for me to take a bite.

I held her gaze steadily as I bit into the bread and chewed but I couldn't wait to lean in and kiss her and I did so with a mouthful of bread. Katniss chuckled softly against my lips as I tried to swallow in the midst of our kiss and choked slightly.

"Ooops." I laughed and patted my chest as it worked its way down finally and I leaned in to kiss her again. "Let's try that again." I said reaching for her hands as she set the bread aside and scooted forward so that our knees were touching.

We kissed again and I slid my hands up to hold her arms at the elbow as I kissed Katniss good and deep for the first time as my wife in our home and the singing continued outside making me feel like the whole thing was happening inside of a dream. A magnificent dream that I never wanted to wake up from.

"I love you, Kat." I whispered when we pulled back and rested our foreheads to one anothers. We pulled back suddenly, both started by the sudden sound of metal clanking together beside us and found Buttercup picking at the slices of bread we had each eaten from that we had placed back on top of the wire box.

He looked up at us briefly and meowed before going back to eating what he'd obviously claimed as _his_ leftovers and Katniss and I laughed softly.

"I love you, Peet." She whispered with a chuckle and we both stood slowly and turned to face Haymitch and Sae who were smiling tenderly at us.

"Mr. and Mrs. Mellark." Haymitch said proudly and slapped Peeta on the back and gave me a quick peck on the cheek. "Thanks for letting us be here for the toasting." He said as Sae hugged us and thanked us as well.

"There's no one we'd have rather had with us today." I answered honestly and wrapped my arms around Katniss from behind and she gripped my forearms gently.

Sae was back to wiping her eyes with Haymitch's hanky and he raised his eyebrows when she blew her nose loudly into it next.

"On that note…" Haymitch said sticking a finger into his ear and wiggling it around briefly. "I think we'll be on our way…." He said and made sure to wag his eyebrows suggestively as he headed for the door with Sae right behind him. "…I don't think I need to tell you to enjoy yourselves at the cabin, I'll just say I appreciate that I won't have to listen to how much you enjoy yourselves and we'll see you in a few days." He teased and opened the door for Sae.

"Behave you two." Sae said with a grin and pointed between the two of us. "And be careful trudging out to that cabin in the snow." She warned and we both nodded.

"Yes, ma'am." We said in unison and heard the crowd cheering again as Haymitch and Sae's exit indicated to them that the toasting had been done.

We stood in the middle of the living room just staring at the door together as the footsteps heading down our porch told us the crowd was beginning to disperse.

"I can't believe everyone showed up like that." Katniss whispered as I rocked her in my arms with her back to my front gently.

I nodded and bent my head down to kiss the side of her neck the braid wasn't resting on and kissed my way up to her ear and nipped at the lobe which elicited a gasp from Katniss.

"I think what that just showed us is that District 12 is alive and well, wife." I whispered and tightened my arms around my wife tenderly.

"I think you're right, husband." Katniss said back and I could hear the smile in her voice as she turned in my arms and looked up at me.

"Do you know how happy you just made me today?" I whispered and reached up with one hand to stroke the braid in her hair lightly as Katniss placed her palms flat on my chest.

Katniss shifted so that she was pressed against me more firmly and slid her hands up my chest until her arms were looped around my neck and she reached up to kiss me again.

"If it's even close to as happy as you've made me the last 10 years, then I have a pretty good idea, yeah." She said softly and moaned into my mouth as our tongues tangled and our breaths came in short gasps.

"You want some lunch?" I murmured and Katniss nodded but didn't stop kissing me.

"Sure, but can we please change out of these clothes first? My feet are _killing me _and the dress is kinda scratchy." She groaned and I laughed and scooped her up in my arms.

"Sure," I chuckled as I carried her up the stairs. "But I need to change in the bathroom or else I'm going to try and have sex with you _right now_ and I really would rather wait until we're at the cabin tonight." I said playfully.

"Aw, how romantic." Katniss teased back as I carried her into the bedroom.

"You know it baby." I grinned and kicked the door shut behind me as we both continued to laugh.


	36. Chapter 30

**First of all, Happy 4th of July from Philadelphia to all of the American readers and I guess...happy sorry-about-the-loss-of-the-Colonies Day to the UK readers ;) **

**I am sure you can probably guess from the lyrics I chose to put at the beginning of this chapter that it's going to be a fairly lighthearted change of pace for a change from the overall angsty tone of the story so far. Don't worry, we'll be back to some more angst in the upcoming chapters but I just couldn't bear to ruin their wedding night by hanging the red X on the door. Enjoy! **

**-Beth **

**Chapter 30 **

_If you were the wood, I'd be the fire.  
If you were the love, I'd be the desire.  
If you were a castle, I'd be your moat,  
And if you were an ocean, I'd learn to float._

All I want is you, will you be my bride  
Take me by the hand and stand by my side  
All I want is you, will you stay with me?  
Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.

Barry Louis Polisar- "All I Want is You"

**_(Katniss)_**

I stood in front of the bathroom mirror staring at myself for the longest time as I listened to Peeta change out of his wedding attire and head back downstairs to make lunch for us.

Just like on the night after Peeta and I first made love, I felt I should look different or feel different but I really didn't. Marrying Peeta seemed as natural an extension of our love as that first slow, gentle time we came together in our bed in the room behind me. If anything, I felt silly for having resisted this step for so long when it was so obvious that it was bound to happen anyway.

The marriage certificate itself really meant very little to me, but I knew having that piece of paper and wearing Peeta's rings on my finger meant a little more peace of mind for my boy with the bread. So I had signed the certificate, taken his last name and put on his rings so that the world would know I was his and he was mine. That we were each other's forever and more importantly, that it had been _our _choice to marry and we hadn't been forced to by the government.

I thought about the unfolding of the day's events so far as I changed into a rather ratty pair of cutoff sweats and a white undershirt of Peeta's and brushed my hair out in soft waves.

I looked at the blue ribbon lying in my hand after I removed it from my braid. I was touched that my mother had thought to give it to Sae knowing that when Peeta and I did finally marry, it would probably be with very little notice. I realized she seemed to be more aware of who I was than I thought and that made me both happy to know she cared and sad that she wasn't with me to share in my wedding day. I had called her a few nights before and told her that we were planning to get married on that Monday morning, but I still missed having her there on one of the most important days in my life.

I gently folded the ribbon in half and then in half again and carried it out to tuck away in the drawer of my bedside table for safekeeping. I didn't want to think any further into it than to say I might want to wear it again on some future special occasion.

To think that I might have a little girl of my own to pass it on to one day was just too much at the time.

I padded downstairs quietly and when I realized Peeta hadn't heard me coming, I leaned against the doorway outside of the kitchen and watched my husband effortlessly put together a lunch of hot roast beef sandwiches and warm cider with our toasting loaf and butter for dessert.

A floorboard creaking caught his attention and he turned and smiled at me shyly. He started to say something but then his eyes roamed over my body shamelessly and I frowned and folded my arms over my chest.

"Seriously? Cut off sweats and an old undershirt does it for you?" I said making a face as I sauntered into the kitchen and over to Peeta. I looped my arms around his neck and brushed the length of my body against his as I reached up to kiss him slowly.

Peeta's hands fell to my hips and he slipped them beneath the edge of the undershirt to grip my bare hips gently as we kissed. He moaned softly and pulled back from me, looking down into my eyes with rosy cheeks and dilated pupils. His breathing came in short huffs and I could feel a hint of his excitement against my lower belly through his own sweats.

"Mmm…it does…" he said making a face that made me laugh. "Does that make me weird?" Peeta asked with a groan and leaned in to kiss my neck lightly.

"No, no way…" I whispered with a chuckle and bared my neck to him more. "…there are _way_ more things that make you weird besides finding raggy old clothing sexy…" I chuckled and then screeched when Peeta slid his hands a little higher to grip my waist and began to tickle me mercilessly.

"No! No! Stop! I'll stop! I'll stop!" I laughed and tried dropping to the floor to avoid his strong fingers.

Peeta followed me down to the floor and used his body weight to hold me down so that he could continue tickling me and I kept on screeching. All of the racket we were making must have alerted our other roommate because we both stilled and looked up as Buttercup stalked into the room looking at us like we were crazy and sat down by his bowl waiting to be fed.

Using Peeta's momentary distraction to my advantage, I put my hands on his hips and pushed him over onto his back on his bad leg side and climbed on top of him, tickling him back.

"Katniss! Stop! Stop! Your fingers are like tiny daggers!" He choked out between gasps for air as he laughed and tried to squirm away from me. I stilled my hands on his chest after a moment when he gripped my hips harder and leaned down to kiss him gently.

"Truce?" I whispered and shifted my hips back just enough to feel the erection he still had stirring and sighed happily as I leaned forward more and lay down on top of him.

"Truce." Peeta chuckled and raised his hips against mine with a soft groan and then sat up. "No more distractions, I want to wait until we get to the cabin tonight." He scolded and set me aside so that he could hold onto the counter and stand up.

I frowned at my needs being ignored for the time being and begrudgingly let Peeta help me up off the floor. I laughed when he swatted my behind once playfully but firmly as I headed for the kitchen table and sat down.

When I turned to scold him he was biting his bottom lip and looking like a small child caught sneaking dessert before dinner.

"Stop looking at me like that, Peet…or I'm going to _make_ you take me upstairs to the bedroom long before we get to the cabin tonight." I warned and glanced out the window to check the weather. "Speaking of, we should probably leave around four. It still gets dark early and I don't want you tripping on anything in the dark with your prosthetic and hurting yourself." I said as Peeta set a plate for each of us down and then gave Buttercup his own lunch.

"Whatever you say, oh great hunter wife of mine." Peeta grinned and I tossed a balled up napkin at him with a chuckle.

"You wanna call your mom before we leave tonight and tell her how everything went?" He asked as we both dug into our sandwiches.

I did want to call my mother but I also really wanted to take a nap before the long walk to the cabin that evening. I had talked to her the other night and promised to call and let her know how the ceremony was and I also wanted to thank her for the hair ribbon.

"Sure, I'll call her this afternoon before we leave, but I really want to lie down for a little and nap before the walk to the cabin." I said and Peeta nodded.

"I'm not very tired so I might just paint for a little while you're sleeping if that's okay." He said between bites of sandwich and I chuckled.

"What? You have to ask my permission to do things now because we're married?" I asked, amused and reached over to hold Peeta's hand on the table top when his face fell slightly.

After so many years together, I had begun to be able to identify the tiny differences between each of Peeta's looks. The look I saw on his face at that moment distinctly said he was thinking about his own parents' somewhat unbalanced relationship.

"Hey…" I said gently gripping his left hand and ran my thumb over the smooth, cool metal of his wedding ring. Peeta raised his eyes to mine briefly and they continued to dart between my face and our joined hands on the table as I spoke.

"We're Peeta and Katniss, not your parents, alright?" I said giving his hand a light squeeze to make him look at me.

We talked a lot about our families in those 10 years leading up to our wedding day and I had come to learn that most of my assumptions about Peeta's mother were correct. She was domineering, had a bad temper and wanted to know what all of the men in her family were doing at all times. According to Peeta, this had led to a lot of sneaking around from his older brothers and frightened compliance to the rules from Peeta who was the youngest and typically endured the brunt of his mother's anger.

He suspected that she had been hoping for a girl when she was pregnant with him and when he was born a boy, it was the first in a line of many times she'd see him as a disappointment. One of the final times being of course, when he professed his undying love for a poor, fatherless girl from the Seam on national television.

Peeta's mother never even spoke to me when we returned from the Games or the Victory Tour. She hadn't even spoken to me after I was 'engaged' to her son. His father was different, always making a special effort to engage me in conversation when I stopped in the bakery with Peeta, trying to be excited about the wedding even though he seemed to know that it wasn't ever going to happen for one reason or another. I wished that he could have been there for our wedding, especially since Peeta literally had no family left now except for, well…me.

The realization startled me a little and I smiled slightly as Peeta nodded his understanding that our relationship wasn't and never would be like his parents' relationship. When he looked up and saw me smiling he narrowed his eyes at me and a smile tugged at his own lips.

"What?" he asked laying his free hand on top of mine and stroking his fingers over my rings too.

"You have a family again." I blurted out and Peeta looked down at the kitchen light bouncing off of our new rings and shrugged.

"I…kinda thought I already did have you as my family for the last decade, but…okay." He said laughing softly and I shook my head.

"No, no…I mean, legally you have a family again because we're married!" I said excitedly and Peeta's laughter increased as he realized how happy it made me to know that _we_ were officially a family now.

In black and white with the new official seal of Panem stamped on top (a version of my mockingjay), Peeta and I were a family.

"Yeah…I know." He chuckled and leaned in to peck me on the lips. "So…like I said, thanks for that." He grinned and I abandoned my chair, pushed my plate over next to his and climbed into his lap as Peeta laughed happily.

I stroked his cheek and kissed him softly, pulling his head to my chest and stroking my fingers through his hair.

"What was that all about?" He murmured against my throat after a few quiet moments. I pulled back and reached for my fork, stabbing a soggy, delicious square of sandwich and bringing it to his lips. Peeta took it and chewed while he waited for my answer.

I looped my arms around his neck from where I sat sideways across his lap and Peeta raised a square of sandwich to my mouth. "I just feel like…" I shrugged and took the bite of sandwich gently with my lips and chewed it. "…for the first time, the odds really _are_ in our favor." I said and leaned down to kiss him again and Peeta smiled and tipped me back on his lap until I almost fell on the floor.

I squealed and Peeta laughed as he righted me and we finished our lunch in each other's arms.

Later, after I'd packed an overnight bag for Peeta and I and a cold bag with some perishable foods I knew we didn't have at the cabin that time of year, I took an hour long nap while Peeta painted in his studio. He'd kept the door closed and so I assumed he was working on the wedding portrait I'd asked him to paint for us.

I had a wonderful dream about sitting by the fire in the cabin eating cookies and drinking hot chocolate with Peeta. We talked, listened to music, looked through photo albums (in which we had collected hundreds and hundreds of pictures over those past 10 years) and of course, we made love on the big cozy couch by the fire light.

I woke from my nap still feeling his kiss on my lips and the touch of his hands all over my body. I sat up in a tangle of blankets with a gasp and touched the back of my neck, toying with the clasp of my pearl necklace which I did sometimes when I was nervous.

I wasn't surprised to find my hairline slick with sweat from the erotic dream and I tossed the covers off and threw my legs over the side of the bed as I tried to catch my breath. Of course Peeta decided to walk in just at that moment and misinterpreted my heavy breathing and red cheeks for a response to a nightmare.

"Oh, baby…" He sighed and rushed over to sit beside me on the bed. "Bad one?" He asked reaching out for me and I jumped up from the bed and hurried across the room, straightening out the undershirt that was twisted around my torso, I assumed from…writing in my sleep.

"No, no!" I almost shouted as I moved to stand behind the big overstuffed chair in our bedroom. "It wasn't a nightmare, I'm fine." I said too quickly and Peeta frowned and stood, moving towards me slowly.

"Please! Don't come near me right now if you were serious about waiting until we get to the cabin to…consumate the marriage!" I half yelled and half whined making Peeta freeze in the middle of the room.

I groaned when I saw a smile threatening at the corners of his mouth.

"Katniss…did you have a sex dream about me?" he asked and a full-fledged grin spread over his face. I picked up the pillow on the chair and tossed it at him hard.

"Hey!" Peeta laughed and deflected the pillow with his right hand. "Don't get mad at me because _you_ had a sexy dream about me!" He said and put his hands on his hips in a way that told me he was _really, really_ proud of himself. And for doing nothing in _actual_ reality at that!

I folded my arms over my chest, my libido immediately retreating thanks to Peeta's overconfident swagger. "Well don't be so proud of yourself, you didn't _actually_ do anything, you know!" I laughed and leaned back against the wall where I still stood behind the chair.

Peeta started to respond but the phone rang, interrupting him.

I climbed over the chair quickly to pick up the phone receiver and smirked at Peeta who was folding his arms over his chest.

"I believe that's called 'saved by the bell'." Peeta teased and moved over to make the bed for me while I picked up the phone with a smirk and said hello.

"Katniss? It's Mom. I know you said you were going to call but I just couldn't wait any longer! How was it?!" She said in the excited way I imagined other girls talked with their moms about boys.

I smiled at Peeta and mouthed 'Mom' before walking out of the room and down to the living room to sit by the window looking out at the snow. "Hi…Mom, I'm sorry I didn't call you yet, we got back and after the toasting we had lunch and then I packed for the cabin and took a nap." I explained and she made a noise I'd never heard her make before on the other end of the phone.

"Oooo! The toasting! What kind of bread did you use? Did you have someone to sing the wedding song for you? What did you wear?" She asked rapid fire and I chuckled and propped my feet up on the window sill with a roll of my eyes.

"Mom…mom, slow down!" I laughed and slumped down in the chair comfortably. "For starters, I wore a cream dress and we did our toasting with the same bread Peeta threw to me in the rain that day when we were kids…" I said and my mom gasped and then sighed happily.

"That boy is a one of a kind, Katniss. I'm so glad that you have him." She said softly and I could tell her voice was thick with emotion. "And the song?" She asked not giving me a chance to respond to her comment about Peeta.

I sighed and bit my lip shyly. "Oh, Mom…" I whispered and felt the emotions I'd experienced when we stepped out of the Justice Building and saw everyone lining the streets return. "They sang it for us…" I choked out and wiped my eyes with a sleeve of Peeta's undershirt I was wearing.

"Who sang it? Haymitch and Sae?" She asked and I shook my head even though she couldn't see it and smiled through my tears.

"No, no…_everyone_…the whole district was on the road home when we came out from the ceremony, Mom." I whispered and she gasped again. "They sang the wedding song when we came out from getting our toasting bread at the bakery and sang it while we drove home and all the way through our toasting." I said and wiped my eyes again.

"Oh, Katniss…" She didn't seem to know what else to say, and really, she didn't need to. I could tell she was just as touched by the tribute from our neighbors as Peeta and I had been.

"Oh, and thank you…" I said turning my eyes back to the window where I watched a cardinal hop from the bare apple treet branch right outside down to the ground where it pecked at the snow.

"For the hair ribbon, I mean." I mumbled and Mom was quiet. "That was really great of you to make sure I had it for my wedding." I said trying to keep my voice even but I knew my mom could tell that I was moved by the gesture.

"Well, your Dad wanted you to have it, and I wanted him to be represented on your wedding day…" She said trying to keep her voice just as even. "so I'm glad to hear he was." She said and I could almost hear her decisive nod as she said it.

"And I'm sorry, you know about it being such short notice…" I said deciding the subject needed changing. "But we're going to do something in the spring that everyone can come to. Annie was going to send Zale to stay with us for a week at the beginning of summer anyway so we thought maybe the last week of spring…" I explained and she promised she would be there whenever we decided to have our wedding reception.

"Perhaps I could even stay on for a little while…" She suggested. "I'm due some leave time here at the hospital and I'd like nothing more than to spend it with you and my son-in-law…" She said and I smiled proudly.

Whatever had transpired in our past relationship following the death of my father had been healed by our mutual loss of Prim who we both had loved so deeply. Since my return to District 12, my mother and I had slowly but surely rebuilt our relationship to a point that we were much more comfortable around each other and enjoyed a more normal mother-daughter relationship.

"I would really like that." I whispered and my mom made a small noise of excitement and I heard her shift the phone to her other ear.

"Wonderful!" She said and then I could hear another voice in the background. "Oh…that's the end of my break. I just wanted to hear how things went, I'm sure you're anxious to set out for the cabin before dark…" She said and I stood from the chair and peeked out the window again to see that it was getting closer to dusk.

"Yeah, it's bad enough trudging through the snow in the light but I worry about Peeta tripping with his leg." I sighed and leaned my forehead against the cold glass of the window. "I really am looking forward to having you stay with us, Mom. And I'll call this coming weekend and give you more details on the wedding if that's okay." I asked and she told me Saturday would be best since it was her day off that week.

"Sure, that sounds great. I'll talk to you soon, Mom." I smiled and she sighed again.

"I'll talk to you soon. Oh and Katniss!" She called as I was moving to set the received down but pulled it back up to my ear.

"Mom?" I asked concerned and I could almost hear her answering smile on the other end.

"I love you, baby." She whispered and I swallowed a lump in my throat before I could reply.

"I love you too, Mom." I said and gently hung up the phone.

"Katniss, stop! I'm fine!" It was probably the 10th time in an hour that Peeta had complained about me checking on him as we walked through the snowy forest heading for our lake cabin.

I wouldn't have needed to ask so many times if he hadn't insisted on carrying the heavier of our two bags in some kind of misguided display of chivalry.

"You know…" I said between pants for air as I walked back through the snow to where Peeta was lagging behind me. "…I might not have agreed to marry you if I'd known it meant you'd start treating me like a girl…" I teased and Peeta glared at me until he saw the mirth dancing in my eyes between my hat and my scarf.

"Ha-ha." He smirked and dropped the bag down in the snow for a moment before pulling off his hat and wiping his brow with the back of his hand. "It's not too far now, I'm fine carrying it the rest of the way." He argued even as I saw him reach down subtly to rub his bad leg.

Peeta hated it when I drew attention to his disability, but it was also infuriating that he found it so difficult to accept my help when I knew he needed it _because _of his leg.

"Alright, fine..." I shrugged and slung the food bag over my head so that the weight of it was distributed across my shoulders and I heard Peeta lifting the other bag to follow me. "…But just remember, Peeta. I have certain expectations regarding my wedding night so I hope you're not too tired to meet my needs." I said casually and I heard Peeta's crunching steps in the snow falter slightly and smiled to myself.

Later our boots, hats, scarves and coats all hung by the fire to dry while Peeta sketched in a notepad on the couch and I cooked steaks and roasted potatoes for our dinner. I set the table and turned off the broiler on the stove when I'd decided the steaks were done enough. I noticed Peeta was deeply engrossed in whatever he was sketching so I walked up slowly behind him and wrapped my arms around his shoulders, resting my cheek to his.

I smiled sadly when I looked down at what he was drawing. It was a simple sketch done in pencil but as often happened with Peeta's paintings, the subject of the sketch cut me straight to the bone.

Peeta had drawn his father.

Standing at the baking counter in the kitchen of the old bakery where Peeta probably saw him the most, he was smiling contentedly as he stacked layers on what was obviously a wedding cake. Even with as much detail as Peeta usually included in his artwork, I could tell he had taken extra special care to make that one perfect.

I slid my hand down Peeta's shoulder to his wrist where he was holding onto the edge of the sketchpad, intending to twine my fingers with his. When my hand reached his though, I felt something cool poking out between his index and middle finger and pinched it gently between my fingers. I tugged until the chain of the watch Haymitch had given Peeta at the JusticeBuilding slipped from between his fingers and the watch dangled in the air in front of us.

We both just looked at it for a few quiet moments and then I slid my other hand up to his head and scratched my fingers through his hair like a little boy. There were a thousand things I thought of to say at that moment. I could have reassured him that in spirit, his family had been there, or perhaps in whatever form we take after this life they were able to watch us marry. I could have sympathized with him over our mutual lack of living, breathing fathers, or told him to cry on my shoulder if that's what he needed, but as it turned out, saying nothing at all was what turned out to be the most helpful to him.

I slipped the watch back into Peeta's hand, slid the hand in his hair down to his cheek and then gently turned his face towards mine and kissed him softly on the lips.

"Dinner's ready." I whispered and Peeta smiled softly and rested his forehead to mine lovingly.

"Sure. I'm just gonna wash up and I'll be right there." he whispered back and set the sketchpad aside and stood from the couch as he headed for the bathroom. I noticed he stopped to place the watch on the table on his side of the bed before he went on and I smiled slightly as I thought warmly of Haymitch and how much I appreciated his efforts in helping Peeta heal in ways that I couldn't.

After dinner we sat on the couch together and cuddled by the fire, me sitting between Peeta's legs against one side of the couch like we often did when we took baths together. He was playing with my wedding and engagement rings, spinning them around and around on my finger methodically as we listened to the wind blowing outside and the crackle of the fire in front of us.

I snuggled back into Peeta's strong arms and turned my head to nuzzle his neck. "You know it's been quite a while since you had even a small episode, at least that I've noticed anyway." I said breaking the comfortable silence.

Peeta shifted uncomfortably in the way he only does when talking about his episodes and shrugged. "Shh…" he whispered. "Don't mention it, he might hear you."

I knew he was trying to make a joke, but the alarm I saw when I looked up into his eyes made me wish I hadn't mentioned anything about it at all.

"I'm sorry, Peet. I don't know why I just said that…" I murmured quietly.

"No, it's okay…I _did _notice they've been a lot less frequent." He admitted and squeezed my hand gently to let me know he wasn't upset. "I just didn't want to jinx it I guess. You've just been so good for me…especially since you agreed to marry me. I haven't had a single bad thought since you told me last week that you wanted to get married." He said in awe and I turned my head to gaze up at him.

"Does being with me really help you that much?" I asked, a little in awe myself that the one person so central to his episodes (me) was the same person who he claimed thinking of helped him to get through them.

Peeta smiled shyly back at me and stroked my cheek with the back of the hand he wasn't spinning my rings with.

"You have no idea how much it helps, Katniss." He whispered and swallowed hard as he continued, his voice thick with emotion. "I'd be lost without you." He said with such honesty in his eyes, lowering his lips to my ear and pressed kisses around the shell softly.

I moaned quietly as a hunger like the one I felt on the beach in the quarter quell unfurled slow and sweet in the pit of my stomach. After more than a decade, it was a different kind of hunger, more familiar and exciting in some ways because by then I always knew what it meant and where it would lead.

"Peet…" I murmured huskily and turned over slowly in his arms so that I was lying on top of him and could feel the evidence of his own desire for me.

Peeta nodded even as he reached for my head and gently pulled my lips down to his, responding to the question in my voice that I hadn't even asked aloud.

"Bed." He hissed between heated kisses and I nodded. I sat up around his hips and reached for the hem of his shirt, slowly pulling it over his head and tossing it on the floor beside the couch.

Peeta reached for my shirt next and pulled it over my head with a little more urgency than I had shown with his.

"Take your time, Mellark." I grinned and reached behind my back to unhook my bra, slipping the straps slowly down my arms and then dropping it onto the growing pile of clothes on the floor. "We only get one wedding night and I want it to last as long as possible."

Peeta smirked at me and raised both hands from where they were resting comfortably on my hips and began to massage my breasts and recaptured my lips in a deep kiss.

"Oh don't worry. I intend to take my time, Katniss." He whispered and the sensual promise in his voice caused my hips to surge forward into his on their own accord, making us both hiss and pull back from our kisses momentarily.

"Kiss me." I gasped and gripped the hair on both sides of Peeta's head so that I could guide his lips to my chest.

Instead of going right for my breasts like I'd hoped, Peeta instead pressed his lips to my sternum first and trailed light kisses down between my breasts, nudging the inner curve of each one with his nose so that his hot breath teased each nipple as he slowly moved his nose back and forth.

I grunted and pressed my hips down into his again and Peeta sat up and swung his legs around so he was sitting upright on the couch with me straddling his lap.

"Shit…I don't know if I can manage this take our time approach much longer, Kat." He chuckled and bit his bottom lip as he flattened his hands on my back. Peeta pushed on my back with his hands, forcing my breasts up to his waiting mouth and I cried out loudly and gripped his strong upper arms tightly as he laved each one lovingly.

"I'm questioning the thinking behind that plan myself right now…" I murmured and slid my hands up to hold his head as he took turns tugging each nipple with his mouth until they were both straining for more attention and then rolled first one and then the other gently between his teeth.

I cried out again, loudly and rocked my hips faster and harder into his through our jeans desperately. I could feel the heat from between my legs even through the rough denim. Peeta must have felt it too because he grunted and began thrusting his hips up into mine like he was already inside of me and his mouth fell away from my chest as he dropped his head back on the couch and squeezed his eyes shut tightly.

I knew this meant he was getting closer to his release so I eased off of his lap and stood between his knees as I began to undress myself the rest of the way. Peeta watched intently as I unzipped my jeans and pushed them and my painties to my feet and kicked them into the pile of already discarded clothing.

I stood confidently watching as his eyes roved over my body, lingering on all of the spots I knew from experience he wanted most to touch.

"Come to bed." I whispered and took ahold of his left hand, gently tugging until he stood and then led him across the room, completely comfortable despite my nudity.

"Would you undress me the rest of the way?" Peeta asked with a smile as we stood at the foot of the bed together.

I smiled in response and reached for the button on his jeans, rubbing my hands down the length of his erection that was already straining against the zipper which I then dragged slowly down. I grinned and slipped one hand into the open front of his pants and stroked him lightly once then twice through his shorts when the action elicited a gasp from my husband who was trying to watch me even as his eyes wanted to close.

"Off…take them off and touch me, Kat. Please…" Peeta groaned and I leaned forward and kissed him hard because if there is one thing I can't resist, it's Peeta begging me for sex and he knew it.

I slowly pushed both his pants and underwear to the floor, kissing my way down his neck, chest and stomach as I crouched down and Peeta stepped out of the remainder of his clothes. I glanced up at Peeta and saw the mischevious glint in his eyes that told me he was quite pleased with the position I was in and I raised an eyebrow at him before placing my hands on his hips to hold him still.

"Kiss me." He whispered like I had when I guided his mouth to my breasts and I knew exactly where he wanted my lips.

When we first were together, I always did that for him lying down in the bed until Peeta admitted that he'd really rather be standing when I pleasured him. I asked him why and he bashfully admitted that something about it made him feel powerful. We'd always found ways to share control of what we did in bed and this was one way that made Peeta particularly happy when he was in control, though he said asking me to do it really gave _me_ the control because in such a vulnerable position with my mouth and teeth so near his most sensitive parts, he was truly at my mercy.

In my life prior to the Games as a the callous, independent loner I knew myself to be at that time, I would have been offended by Peeta's admission and the way it insinuated that I was inferior to Peeta in some way. But after so long together and the fact that I was already more capable than Peeta in several ways that were more traditionally male, I saw it as a way of building up his self-esteem and masculinity without feeling like I was sacrificing any of my own strength.

Peeta already knew I was strong. I had nothing in the world to prove to him and we both knew and accepted that which made plasuring him in such a way easy and enjoyable for both of us.

"Shit, shit, shit!" Peeta chanted as he tried to keep himself from thrusting into my mouth as he watched me move my head back and forth. "Shit, Katniss…you need to stop or I'm a goner…" he forced out between breaths and started to pull his hips back after I'd only been going down on him for a minute or two.

I pulled back and kissed the tip lightly before standing and pushing him back until he was sitting on the bed. I leaned down to kiss him deeply, letting him taste his own arousal on my lips. "Leg on or off?" I whispered straddling one of his knees and brushing my center against his thigh playfully so that he could feel how much I wanted him.

"Off…" Peeta gasped and I turned so that I was sitting on his lap with his erection pinned between my back and his belly as I reached down to unstrap his prosthetic. After I set it aside, I leaned over and reached into the bedside table and pulled out a tube of pain cream. I had already seen Peeta favoring his bad leg on the walk to the cabin and I could see just by looking at it that it was swollen.

"Katniss, you don't have to do that…" He whispered and kissed the back of my neck as he stroked his hands up and down my sides tenderly.

"I know, I want to." I answered simply and squeezed some of the cream into my hands and began to massage the stump where his leg ended even as I began rocking back against his erection trying to distract him from what I was doing to take care of his leg.

Peeta rarely let me touch his bad leg except to help him take it off for bed occasionally so I always tried to make an extra effort to let him know it didn't bother me or gross me out in any way. It was part of who he was. While it marked a painful time in our lives, it also marked a time when we first officially met and began to grow close.

After a minute, I felt Peeta's leg muscles relax even as his hardness pressed more urgently against my back and he sighed happily. "Thanks baby, that feels great…" He whispered through the sigh and I grinned at him over my shoulder.

"Which part?" I asked innocently and to emphasize my point, lifted and rubbed my backside against his erection making Peeta moan.

"All of it, Now come here." Peeta chuckled and wrapped one arm around my waist and tossed me onto the bed beside him before crawling on top of me with a huge, boyish grin on his face.

"Hi." I mouthed as he settled himself in the cradle of my thighs and I raised my legs up, crossing my ankles together just above his ass.

"Hi." Peeta whispered back and leaned down to kiss me, slipping his tongue into my mouth and tangling with mine in a long, slow kiss. A kiss that always told me he was ready to make love.

All need for talking ceased at that point as Peeta shifted forward and slid all the way in to me in one slow, wonderful thrust allowing me to feel every inch of him. Even though I knew it was hard for him to do so, Peeta stilled his hips once he was buried all the way in and just stared down into my eyes lovingly.

"Wife." He whispered shaking his head as if he still couldn't believe it and ran his fingers of one hand through my hair slowly. "I love you, Katniss. I've loved you my whole life and I'll love you for all the rest of it." He said kissing my eyes, my cheek, my nose and finally, my lips. Instinctively, I knew just by the look in his eyes that he would either paint or sketch how I looked at that moment sometime in the near future.

"I love you too, Peeta." I whispered and kissed him back as I reached up to stroke his jawline. "It may not have been for my _whole_ life so far…but it's been for the most _important_ parts of it. You make me feel more brave and strong and capable than anyone ever mistakenly thought I was before I knew you. I don't want you to ever doubt for a second how happy I am that you're my husband now." I said honestly and Peeta moaned happily and nodded as he slowly began to move.

"Kat…" He whispered in my ear as his movement sped up little by little.

"Peet…" I grunted back and stroked my fingers up and down his back as we moved together in all the right ways to bring each other the most pleasure as quickly as possible.

I didn't bother holding back my cries of pleasure as Peeta began pounding into me harder and faster and I raised my hips so that they were timed with his deep thrusts. I knew at that moment that I would _never _be able to see making love with Peeta as a chore or as mundane.

I don't know for how long we moved together like that, but it wasn't long before the sweat we'd built up between our bodies had us moving fluidly enough to drive both of us toward completion.

There were moans and sighs, cries of each other's names, and finally grunts that said we were both barely holding onto our control as we writhed on top of the covers by the flickering orange light of the fire.

"Oh! It's…it's coming!" I gasped and reached for one of Peeta's hands. "Touch me…please, Peeta." I moaned and pushed his hand down between us, my orgasm breaking after only a few strokes of his palm over my swollen clitoris.

Peeta managed to hold on until the aftershocks of my powerful orgasm were winding down and then he flattened his hands on the mattress beside my shoulders and arched his hips into me, pinning me to the bed as he poured into me.

We collapsed in a sweaty heap and Peeta rolled off of me so that I could snuggle into his side as we caught our breath.

"That was…shit, Katniss…" Peeta breathed and I nodded and reached up to run my fingers through the hair on his chest.

"It was perfect." I said kissing his chin and grinning at him. "Our first time as a married couple. I think we did pretty well if I do say so myself." I teased and rested my head on his shoulder while we continued to cool off.

Peeta eventually turned over to his side and rolled me so that he was spooned up behind me and his arms were around my waist.

"You wanna get some sleep for a little?" He asked kissing my shoulder softly and then the back of my neck.

I thought on that for a moment, taking into consideration how I felt. I wasn't overly tired except for the heavy boneless feeling that always came after making love. I shrugged and looked over my shoulder at Peeta.

"I'm okay…but if you're tired, sleep. We've got all night for the other stuff…" I said turning my head far enough back to kiss his shoulder and Peeta shook his head.

"Nah, I'm alright…we could soak in the tub for a little if you want to relax though…" he said and sat up. "…you want to go fill up the tub and I'll bring us something to drink?"

I sat up and reached for my robe hanging on the post of the bed and shrugged it on as I climbed off of the bed. "Sure, that sounds great." I said leaning over to kiss Peeta as he pulled his prosthetic leg back on to go get us drinks.

"Wine? Beer? Water?" He asked and I smiled shyly as I thought of the dream I'd had during my nap that afternoon.

"Hot chocolate?" I asked making a face and Peeta laughed and kissed me as he stood from the bed.

"You got it." He said deepening the kiss for a moment and then turning and striding naked through the cabin over to the kitchen area. I watched for a few moments, appreciating the view, and then headed for the bathroom and turned on the faucet over the claw-footed tub in the corner.

I hung my robe on one of the hooks beside the tub and placed two towels on the little bench by the sink before I sat back down on the edge of the tub and watched it fill with steamy water.

I was leaning over slightly, testing the water temperature when my mind wandered off to review the day's events. I replayed the time in the morning when we had just held each other in the shower, Haymitch's atypically sunny disposition (for the most part), the sentimental tokens given to us by two of the closest people to us in honor of those who we had lost or who couldn't be there.

I shook my head remembering the droves of people who had come out to line the streets and wish us well and felt tears pricking at my eyes as I relived the feelings of that moment when I first saw the crowd. I was thinking about the look in Peeta's eyes during the vow exchange and during the toasting when I suddenly got the feeling I was being watched and swung my head around towards the door.

"Peeta!" I groaned and moved to cover myself when I noticed he was leaning against the bathroom doorway with his sketchpad in hand drawing me.

"No, no! Please Katniss! Don't move!" He begged raising a hand with the pencil in it defensively. "You know if I see something I want to draw I have to do it that second!" he chuckled and glanced up from the pad he was sketching away furiously on. "You knew this before you married me, now you're stuck." He grinned and I groaned and shifted uncomfortably even though he was still completely naked too.

"I just wish you'd tell me when you're doing that so I can at least…I don't know, suck in my stomach or fix my hair beforehand." I muttered and Peeta chuckled heartily.

"If I wanted to draw you with perfectly coiffed hair, I wouldn't choose to draw you sitting by the bath after we just had sex, my dear." Peeta explained with a smirk as he continued to draw. "and I think you look perfect without sucking _anything_ in." He said with a nod leaving me no room to argue.

I just groaned again and tried to keep still in the position I had been in whenever he had first started drawing me. "How long have you been standing there anyway? I'd kind of like to get in the tub and drink my hot chocolate if you don't mind." I said rolling my eyes and Peeta laughed again.

"For a few minutes, and that's enough for now, I can finish up later." He said placing the tablet on the bathroom counter and picking up two mugs from beside it that I hadn't noticed.

"Good." I said turning the water off and taking the mugs from Peeta so that he could remove his leg. Once he climbed in and settled back against the tub I handed him the mugs and climbed in myself, settling back against his chest comfortably and taking my hot chocolate, sipping it slowly.

"Thank you." I smiled over my shoulder and Peeta kissed my lips with a smack making me giggle.

"I love it when you laugh like that." Peeta whispered and sipped his own hot chocolate. "I may have to tickle you later just to hear it some more." He growled in a menacing tone and I grabbed instinctively onto his free hand in case he tried anything.

"Don't!" I cried with another laugh and shook my head. "Besides, I can think of a few other ways you can make me giggle that don't involve tickling…" I whispered and slid one hand under the water to rest on Peeta's thigh.

I grinned when his penis twitched against my back in a silent promise of what was yet to come that night.

After our relaxing bath, Peeta wrapped me in a towel and led me out into the main room where he had placed the comforter and pillows from our bed in front of the fire. I sat down in the middle of the comforter while Peeta grabbed another towel and my brush and sat down in his own towel behind me where he began to tenderly brush and towel dry my hair.

Neither of us talked the whole time and so when I quietly whispered 'thank you' when he was finished, it sounded like a shout in the peace of the cabin as the snow fell outside.

"Welcome." Peeta said softly back and reached up to slowly untuck the towel I had around my body. I sighed happily and pushed the towel aside as I lay back on the blanket and Peeta crawled on top of me pushing his own towel away.

"Love you." He sighed and I echoed the sentiment as Peeta lined his hips up with mine and slid into me. We began to rock against each other in unison, not yet searching for a release, but just enjoying the feel of skin on skin as we moved together slowly.

I didn't realize how slowly until each time I began to pick up the pace, Peeta slowed and lengthened his thrusts trying to hold off a little longer. I couldn't say I blamed him since in his arms that way was always my favorite place to be too.

When he eventually started to grunt and moan along with me, I knew he wouldn't be able to hold out much longer and so I slid my hands down to grip his backside, knowing that it would push him over the edge.

Peeta groaned my name and cried out as he emptied into me, his hips pumping furiously into mine and driving me closer to my release. I nodded and matched him thrust for thrust, moving faster until I found my own release a few seconds later and splayed out on the blanket riding out the waves of pleasure crashing through my body.

We just lay there in each other's arms for a long time, the only sound to be heard was the crackle of the fire and our heavy breathing as we cooled off. After a while Peeta sat up and pulled on one corner of the comforter until it was over top of us and I snuggled back into his arms.

"That was perfect, baby." I said using the endearment I only called Peeta in the privacy of our bedroom when we were alone and lay my arms over his when they settled at my waist.

I yawned as I said it though and Peeta snorted a laugh and nuzzled my hair as he pulled me closer in his arms. "Get some sleep, I'm not going anywhere, sweetheart." He promised and I nodded and stared into the fire until at some point, I drifted off into a peaceful sleep.

When I woke in the morning, Peeta was sprawled out on top of me and I was sweaty from the combination of his body heat and the comforter. As had become typical when we slept together after making love, Peeta's right hand had found its way to my chest and was cupping one of my breasts. I stretched and yawned, confident that he was passed out from our last round when I had woken up around 3 o'clock to find Peeta asleep sprawled out on his back and hadn't been able to resist touching him.

I smiled pleased with myself as I crawled out from under the covers and pulled my short flannel robe on, remembering the look of confused, half-asleep pleasure that had stretched across Peeta's face as he woke in those early morning hours to find me stroking a hand up and down his shaft from where I was laying beside him.

Thankfully it hadn't taken long for him to catch on to what was happening and he had taken my hands, holding onto them as he helped me up to my knees and I threw one leg over his hips and sank down onto him slowly. Peeta loved when I was on top because it left his hands free to touch me all over and I loved the way it gave me control over the pace of our love making.

We had each reached a quiet but pleasurable release almost a half hour later when I had raised up off of him and turned over my my stomach, beckoning him to enter me from behind. That was still one of our favorite positions and I knew it would finish us off quickly and then we'd go back to sleep in each other's arms.

I stood by the pile of blankets and pillows watching him sleep for a little until Peeta scooted over to where I had been sleeping and buried his face in my pillow as he settled quickly back into sleep. I chuckled softly and leaned over to pull the comforter up over his back and shoulders from where it had slipped to his waist and then went to the kitchen to start some coffee for us both.

I was making a breakfast of pancakes and bacon a little later when a pair of warm arms came up around my waist at the stove and soft lips brushed against the top of my head.

"Mmmm…I was really hoping we could give spending an entire 24 hours completely naked a try…" He joked and his deep, raspy morning voice rumbled through my back and sent a tingle of desire down my spine.

I briefly wondered if I would ever tire of how desirable this man made me feel and then chuckled as I turned my head to kiss him. "You want to cook bacon naked, you be my guest, sweetheart." I smirked in my best imitation of Haymitch and Peeta grimace.

"Ooo…no thanks." He hissed and kissed me again quickly before pulling back and heading over to the end of the bed where our overnight bag had been dropped. He grabbed out a pair of sweat pants and pulled them on and then walked back over to me in the kitchen.

I handed him plates and silverware to put out on the table and I stacked pancakes and bacon onto two separate serving plates and took them over to the table while Peeta grabbed orange juice from the fridge and joined me.

As soon as Peeta sat down, I noticed his brow was furrowed and could tell he wanted to ask me something that would make both of us uncomfortable.

"What is it?" I asked placing 3 large pancakes on his plate and sliding the bacon plate over so that it was between us at the table. Peeta shrugged and tried to smile, probably hoping to throw me off the trail of whatever was bothering him to keep from dampening the good mood we'd both been in since the wedding.

"Peeta…" I insisted and he cast his eyes towards the bedding on the floor by the fire and then back to me as he shifted uncomfortably.

"This morning…earlier I mean…" Peeta said and I nodded when I realized he meant when he'd woken up to me touching him. "….you had a nightmare right?" He asked trying to sound casual as he cut through his pancakes with a little too much enthusiasm and I stilled my hands which were poised with a knife and fork over my own breakfast plate.

I closed my eyes and cursed myself silently for how well my husband knew me and nodded slowly. "Yeah, so?" I said still trying to keep the casual tone in my voice.

My nightmares were a topic I enjoyed discussing about as much as Peeta enjoyed discussing his episodes. Because the severity of his episodes outweighed my frequent nightmares, they weren't the main focus of concern in our home on a day-to-day basis.

They were terrifying, paralyzing and sometimes so real that I would get stuck in a funk of depression for a day or two because of the feelings from the Games and the war that they stirred up. The panic, the hopelessness, the wish for death to come on swift wings as I tried my damnedest to join my sister and father while I awaited trial in my cell in the Capitol after assassinating President Coin.

"Katniss, don't do that." Peeta snapped and then reached out to cover my hand on the table with his own in apology. "I just mean…you help me with my episodes when you can and…and you made my leg feel about a thousand times better last night when you put the cream on it for me…" He said and reached out to tip my chin up so he was looking into my eyes.

"I know I have my own…3 story building full of issues to work through still and I told you, having you to help me through them makes them feel…I don't know, not quite as unbearable sometimes." He admitted and I reached up to hold his wrist and squeezed it gently. "I just want to be able to do the same for you. I could tell just by the look in your eyes that you were upset…" he said and I felt my cheeks redden.

"You could?" I asked meekly and Peeta nodded and smiled slightly.

"Of course I could, I've lived with you for a long time, baby…" he said and then his own cheeks reddened noticeably. "…it was just, at the time you had my dick in your hand and I figured we might as well tackle that issue first and I would ask you about the nightmare later." He grinned and I rolled my eyes and turned my head to kiss his palm.

"Why how considerate of you." I said sarcastically and released his hand as we went back to cutting up our food.

"But seriously, Katniss…" Peeta said biting a piece of bacon in half. "If you want to talk about it…if you ever want to talk about _anything_, I'm here…" he said holding the other half of the bacon he was chewing out to my lips.

I immediately felt guilty because Peeta was right. I knew he was always there for me just as I was always there for him and if felt a little hypocritical to not share my nightmares with him when he usually shared his with me.

"I know you are, thank you." I said with a shy smile and then leaned forward just enough to grab the piece of bacon with my teeth. I smiled at Peeta as I chewed and he leaned forward to capture my lips.

"Mmm…bacon kisses." He laughed and I giggled before slowly raising my arms and wrapping them around his neck to deepen the kiss.

"Mmm…hey, we should probably finish eating, sweetie." Peeta mumbled against my lips and I nodded but didn't pull back at all. Instead, I slid closer to him on the edge of my chair and rested one of my cheeks to his so that my mouth was right beside his ear.

I wasn't ready at that moment to tell him face to face about my nightmare from the early morning when I had woken up in a panic after dreaming about my father being blown up in the mines, but I found it more tolerable to whisper it to him like that, without having to look him in the eye.

After I'd recounted the whole dream to him, Peeta raised his arms to hold me close and I slid over into his lap again like I had the previous afternoon at lunch.

"Thanks for telling me…" Peeta whispered against the top of my head and I nodded slowly before going back to my seat to finish breakfast.

After we cleaned up from breakfast, Peeta and I started a game of chess at the little table by the front door which led to some competitive trash talk and a wager over who would win with sexual prizes that really made it hard to care _who_ won the game when it came down to it.

After 2 hours and enough building sexual tension to fill the frozen lake outside our cabin, Peeta won and I pretended to pout. That was of course, until Peeta pushed the chess pieces aside and laid me down on the table. He impatiently pushed open my robe and brought his face down between my legs where he wound me up into an glass shattering orgasm before lowering the front of his sweat pants and driving into me in order to find his own end.

He called Calen after we'd napped for a few hours following our exhausting encounter on the table and told him he wouldn't be in on Wednesday either and for Calen to open the bakery again the next day.

"Sure, sure…I can do that. No problem." I could just hear Calen saying over the line as I snuggled into Peeta's side in our bed. "To be honest with you boss, and I mean absolutely no disrespect to Mrs. Mellark when I say this…" he said and Peeta raised an eyebrow at me waiting to hear what the young man had to say. "…if I were you and I just married a woman like her…I'd probably never come to work again." He said with a nervous laugh and Peeta's eyes widened when I buried my face in my pillow to muffle my embarassed laughter.

"Well….thanks…I think." Peeta laughed openly and told Calen he would see him tomorrow afternoon sometime before he hung up the phone.

"I cannot believe that kid…" Peeta grumbled as I continued to laugh as I snuggled back into his arms. "I'm glad you think it's so funny." Peeta said with a quick playful slap to my behind over the covers. "I should kick his ass…" he said finally laughing again and rolled over with me in his arms so that he was on top of me again.

"Well I'm flattered." I said honestly and stroked Peeta's stubbly cheek. "You should be too…" I teased and Peeta scoffed.

"Flattered?!" he growled and kissed down my neck and across my chest before moving his lips to mine and kissing me deeply. "If I see that kid within 10 feet of you from now on I'm gonna stuff him in the woodfire oven…" he promised and I laughed. Peeta tickled me until his tickles turned into caresses and strokes and we found ourselves once more engaged in our favorite demonstration of the love we have for one another.


	37. Interlude 7

**a/n: For starters, I've decided 4 day weekends and 3 day work weeks are ****_totally _****the way to go in the summer! Because I have a 5 day work week coming up though (and because I'll be in Florida from Friday to Friday this coming week) I wanted to get out the next interlude (which is being split into TWO interludes, one of which I am posting tonight with the other to follow tomorrow!) and hopefully one more chapter before summer vacation part 1. So keep an eye out for the second part of this interlude tomorrow and chapter 31 by Friday (at the latest!). Enjoy! **

**Interlude 7**

_I could show you love_

_In a tidal wave of mystery_

_You'll still be standing next to me_

"Safe and Sound" Capital Cities

Waking to the sound of birds chirping through the open window, the first thing I see is the phone sitting on the nighstand where I left it the night before and I wonder if Peeta is still on the other end.

I send up a silent wish that this is the last day I will have to look into my children's eyes and tell them that their father isn't feeling well and then deal with whatever the fall out comes from their sadness over that information. If I'm being honest, I send up another, hoping for my own sake that his episode ends because I have become selfishly reliant on his presence to keep my own bad thoughts away.

Just as I am reaching out to pick the phone up and check, I hear a soft laugh and a quietly whispered '_Morning, baby._' From behind me. With a gasp, I turn over quickly and on the other side of the bed curled around our still sleeping babies who are cuddled close in each other's arms, is Peeta.

My eyes instantly fill with tears and I climb carefully over the kids and right on top of their father who I've been apart from for what has only been two days but feels like an eternity after the range of emotions I've been through with the children in that time.

"Peeta!" I whisper and bury my face in his neck and my fingers in his thick blonde hair as his arms come up to hold me close. "Oh, sweetie…I'm so glad you're here…" I sigh and pull back to look down in his eyes that are as clear and blue as the summer sky, with no trace of whatever false memories have plagued him for the last few days.

"Me too…I hated being away from you guys." He whispers with a big grin and we both look over as Bow stirs and blinks open her eyes. Peeta smiles at her and she blinks a few times in surprise and tears well in my eyes as I see unconditional love blossom in my daughter's eyes when she realizes her father is in bed with us.

"Daddy?" She murmurs sleepily and then squeals when she realizes Peeta is not a part of whatever dream she's just come out of, but is instead really right in front of her.

"Daddy!" She screeches and Finn startles awake as Bow climbs over him and lauches herself at Peeta.

Seeing Peeta with the children he wanted for so many years always reminds me that the paralyzing fear I felt carrying them in my womb was worth it a thousand times over. I slide to Peeta's side nearest to the edge of the mattress to make room for Bow who is scrambling into his arms.

In the midst of Bow chanting 'Daddy' and both of us laughing at her excitement, poor Finn has sat up and started howling in sadness at being woken so violently from his sleep.

"Aww…it's okay buddy, come here." Peeta soothes even as he laughs at our little boy's indignation. Finn's head snaps around when he hears his Daddy's voice and he cries harder when he sees Peeta is in bed with us and scrambles over into his side. Bow chuckles and climbs up to straddle Peeta's chest and Finn wraps his arms around Peeta's neck still crying.

Peeta looks over at me and we are both laughing but I see a tear at the corner of one of Peeta's eyes and reach up to wipe it away mouthing 'I love you' to him and he immediately mouthes it back.

As I cuddle up to my family and reach over to pat Finn's bottom when he tucks his knees up under his belly and calms slightly, everything feels right with the world again. I kiss Bow's head and she shifts so that I can share Peeta's shoulder with her and my daughter and I blink contentedly at each other in the arms of the man we both love most.

"My Daddy." Finn whimpers and I smile sadly when he brings one hand back around from behind Peeta's head and grabs onto his father's earlobe, rubbing it between his fingers in the same way he's done since he was a tiny baby. Peeta wraps the arm not holding me and Bow around Finn's tiny form and squeezes him tightly.

"My buddy." Peeta says trying to match Finn's tone and kisses the top of our son's curly head as we all settle in for a much-needed snuggle.

Bow lifts her head after a few minutes and grabs Peeta's face, holding it between her little hands and searching his eyes carefully.

"You feel better now, Daddy?" She asks softly and Peeta moves the hand he has curled around my shoulder to the back of Bow's head and pets her hair softly.

"Sure do, little girl. Does that mean it's time to begin plowing through my schedule of events we put together over lunch yesterday?" Peeta teases and Bow shakes her head and frowns.

"Not yet, snuggling first." She pouts and I bite my lip when I see a few more tears slip down Peeta's cheeks as he pulls us all closer in his arms.

"Sounds fantastic." Peeta whispers and I let my eyes slip shut to catch up on my sleep.

When I wake again, Finn and Bow are nowhere to be seen but I am still resting with my head on Peeta's shoulder. He is sleeping soundly, his left hand curled lovingly over top of my right where it rests on his stomach.

I take the opportunity to look him over, making sure that he is alright after his episode. Aside from a few days stubble on his chin and the slightly purple circles under his eyes, he looks fine. He could use a haircut, but I'll worry about that later since Finn needs one too and he prefers having it done at the same time as his Daddy sitting on the steps of the front porch.

My little man who looks so much like his father but with my stubborn disposition.

Unconsciously, I reach out to stroke Peeta's cheek and his beautiful blue eyes blink open in the morning light.

"Hey…" he rumbles sleepily and looks around even as he pulls me close and kisses me for the first time in two days. I kiss him back deeply as his hands slide up to hold my face and we both moan softly into each other's mouths.

"Where'd the kids go?" He asks pulling back a little to nibble on my lower lip gently. I shrug and lean in towards him more, recapturing his lips and slipping my tongue into his mouth and Peeta leans up on his elbow to lean over and kiss me properly.

"With Haymitch, I'm sure…" I whisper and glance towards the open bedroom door before I go back to focusing on Peeta's lips on mine and his hand which has made its way up the front of his t-shirt that I am wearing.

"Good." Peeta replies and his tone makes me moan again and arch my back into his wandering hand as it finds and squeezes my left breast.

"Peeta…" I warn even as I slide my own hands up to grip his broad shoulders and press my hips into his.

Peeta rolls onto me and drops his legs on either side of my thighs, pressing the seam of the jeans he's wearing against the warmth between my legs so that I can feel how much he wants me.

"Peeta…" I warn again and he moves his kisses to my neck before I pinch the back of his arm to get his attention and he pulls back a little to look down at me.

I nod at the door again and he slowly turns his head to see our daughter standing in the doorway making a face that tells both Peeta and I she has been standing there long enough.

Peeta tries to casually remove his hand from my breast and sits up beside me as I pop up and fix my clothes around my body quickly.

"Did you lose your necklace, Mommy?" Bow asks with her nose squished up as she tries to figure out what exactly we are doing.

"What baby?" I ask running my fingers through my hair to straighten it out while Peeta shifts his right leg to hide his erection.

Bow shrugs and looks between the two of us as she skips into the room and hops up on the end of the bed. I appreciate that Haymitch has already dressed the kids for the day and the smear of purple on Bow's chin tells me they've eaten as well.

"Well…isn't that what Daddy was helping you look for in your shirt?" She asks innocently and I swat Peeta's elbow when he turns his head away and snorts a laugh.

"Oh! Well…yes, of course that's what he was doing…" I say and reach for my necklace which has turned around backwards from lying down and spin the pearl around so that it is laying straight.

'Oh, there it is! All better…" I say excitedly and Bow grins and slides off the end of the bed, straightening out the brown and blue sundress she's wearing.

"Good, come have breakfast. Finn wants Daddy again." She calls over her shoulder as she skips back out the door.

Later, after Haymitch has pointedly ignored any and all hints to giving Peeta and I some alone time, we march off to the lake for the afternoon with both kids and a satchel of food for a picnic dinner.

"Bow, you watch your brother and don't get too far ahead of us!" I call as I nervously watch their heads bobbing along through the forest ahead of us.

Peeta and I have walked this trail so often over the years that there is a well-worn path leading all the way from the meadow straight to our cabin by the lake. We've been to the cabin to stay at least a half dozen times this summer already.

"They're fine, honey." Peeta says from beside me where he's holding my hand as we tromp through our forest. "They're only 100 yards in front of us. I can see them just fine." He smiles and I shrug and adjust the picnic blanket under my arm.

"I know…I know, I just…worry." I say with a nervous laugh and Peeta squeezes my hand gently. After all the time I made him wait to be a father because of old fears I just couldn't let go of, Peeta knows exactly why I worry.

"I know you do." He says softly and raises his fingers to his mouth, whistling loudly for the kids. "Bow! Hang on back a little bit!" he calls and Bow stops and grabs Finn's hand as she waits patiently for us to get a little closer to them before she continues on.

"Thanks." I mouth to Peeta and he smiles shyly as we follow after the kids more closely.


	38. Interlude 8

**Interlude 8 **

_"I'll show you mine if you show me yours first  
Let's compare scars, I'll tell you whose is worse  
Let's unwrite these pages and replace them with our own words"_

- Rise Against "Swing Life Away"

By the time Peeta and I reach the cabin, Bow is already pulling her dress over her head and running full tilt into the water in her underwear and Finn is digging through his little toy box at the bottom of the stairs for something or other.

"Hey! Hey! Don't you go in too far, Bow!" Peeta yells after our daughter and she giggles as she splashes through the cool water in the shallows.

I can only chuckle and shake my head as I give the picnic blanket to Peeta who has volunteered to take our things inside for later and clean things up a bit in case we decide to stay for the night.

I watch him head inside before turning back to my son who is still determinedly digging through the toy box, obviously with a goal in mind. "Whatcha doin' little boy?" I ask and Finn pulls his head out and triumphantly lifts a toy boat above his head.

"Boat!" he cheers and starts heading for the water himself and I catch him to pull his shirt and pants off. Finn whines for his sister as I undress him and then I make sure to give him a big, annoying mommy kiss before I let him toddle off towards the water in just his diaper as Peeta is coming out the door.

"You want me to go in with them?" He asks dropping down next to me under a shade tree where we can safely watch Bow and Finnick without interfering with their play.

"Only if you want." I say squinting at him and moving to lean on his shoulder as he settles back against the trunk of the tree and shrugs.

"Maybe later on we can both go in with them. It's pretty damn hot out today." He says wiping his brow and then laughs softly when Finn climbs up onto a large flat rock and unlatches his soggy diaper, letting it fall with a plop before he jumps back into the water.

"Should probably call them back in from time to time so they don't get too much sun." I laugh with him and nod to Finn. "Especially since your son has gone nude." I tease and Peeta nudges my hip with his own.

"Hey, it's my favorite way to swim too…" he murmurs playfully and I take his hand on his thigh, intertwining our fingers.

"And it's _my_ favorite way for you to swim too…" I turn my head to kiss him gently before Bow squeals happily in the lake and we both remember ourselves and turn back to watch the kids swim.

"So Haymitch is a real piece of shit for not watching them for us this afternoon…" Peeta chuckles and shakes his head.

We both had made several allusions over the course of the morning and early afternoon to the fact that we wanted to spend some time alone but I had eventually relented since Haymitch has already put up with so much in the last two days, even staying borderline sober in order to help me take care of Bow and Finn.

"He's been a big help the last two days so I guess we can give him a break…" I chuckle and look down briefly at our intertwined fingers and then back to the kids. "So when did you leave the bed the other morning?" I ask quietly and Peeta tenses only minutely but enough for me to feel it.

It takes so long for Peeta to answer that I begin to think he isn't going to answer at all and then he does finally as we watch the kids sit down in the water closest to the shore and start pushing Finn's boat back and forth between them.

"A little after you got up with Rooster." Peeta says nodding towards Finn who we often refer to as the 'the rooster' because he wakes up just before the dawn almost every morning.

Of course I had known that Peeta was still in bed when I got up with Finn the other day, but he'd looked peaceful, stretched out on his belly with his arms stuffed under his pillow.

"Did you have a nightmare?" I ask and Peeta shakes his head and then slowly sinks down lower against the tree and rests his head on my shoulder. We don't need to look at each other talk after so many years having the same discussions about nightmares and flashbacks and real or not real? games so instead we talk and keep our eyes trained on the kids instead.

"Nah…I just…woke up feeling tense and had a flashback about the episode I had just before Zale came and stayed with us that time when he was…what? 10 or 11?" He says and I remember the episode instantly. We'd almost had to call Annie and tell her not to send Zale to us after Peeta had spent 3 days behind the door with the X on the handle.

Luckily, he'd been better for a day or two before Zale arrived and we spent a pretty entertaining week a little in over our heads caring for an active pre-teen boy. We had moved our wedding reception up a bit to mid spring because it had been unseasonably warm as early as April that year and so Zale had traveled with Annie for the reception but needed to return home to District 4 to finish up his school year before he could come back to stay with us.

"Yeah, I remember that…you were pretty confused during that one, Peet." I say concerned and lean my head forward to catch his eye where he is still leaning on my shoulder. "You okay or you wanna talk about anything?" I ask and Peeta shakes his head.

"No…no thanks, I'm okay I promise. I appreciate you asking though, thank you." He says and I bend to kiss the top of his head.

Sometimes Peeta and I share our nightmares with each other and sometimes we prefer to deal with them on our own. This is obviously one of those times where Peeta would rather not burden me with the weight of what plagued him during his episode. Rather than argue about it or tell him it would make him feel better if he told me, I leave well enough alone and look up as Bow and Finn leave the water and head for the tree we are lounging beneath.

"How's the water? Cold?" I ask as Finn drops into the grass between Peeta's feet with his boat and Bow lays in the grass a few feet away in the sun and stretches out on her belly with her arms and legs splayed wide.

"Uh-huh, are you coming in with us?" Bow asks leaning on her elbows and kicking her feet in the air behind her.

"You want Daddy to come in and swim with you for a little?" Peeta asks lifting his head from my shoulder and looking between Bow and Finn.

Neither one of them needs to say a word for Peeta to know that's exactly why they've come over. Finn is rocking back and forth on his knees happily and Bow is giving Peeta her best big eyed full-toothed (minus the two bottom ones she's lost over the last 3 months) 'I love you Daddy' smile.

"Alright, come on monsters…" Peeta chuckles and stands, tossing his t-shirt and jeans aside leaving him in his shorts and his prosthetic leg. He bends over and scoops up Finn, kissing him on the cheek as he carries him back towards the water and Bow runs ahead of them yelling something about doing a big splash to get Peeta all wet.

"I'll come in in a little. Swim with Daddy." I call after them when Finn points over his shoulder to me and whines.

He doesn't get to enjoy his pout for long because Peeta immediately walks out to where the water is up to his elbows and tosses Finn high in the air so that he comes down with a big splash. When he resurfaces sqwauking angrily at his father, Finn dog paddles back into his arms and pulls himself up around Peeta's neck.

Bow makes her big splash off of the rock Finn's diaper is still resting on and then swims easily over to where Peeta is holding Finn and climbs Peeta like a tree until she is perched on his hip. Peeta is smiling from ear to ear and I thank my lucky stars again for my husband and my family as I watch Peeta lower the kids to the water and push himself backwards with them riding along on his chest.

"Mommy, can we stay here tonight? Pleeeeeeaase?" Bow asks at dusk while we are eating our dinner under the shade tree. We swam together for most of the afternoon and then Peeta and I took turns showering before we bathed the kids and put them in clean clothes for dinner.

Finn is dozing with his head in my lap after eating like he had a hollow leg following all the exercise he got swimming. Bow is sitting in Peeta's lap eating a danish for her dessert.

"I think that's probably a good idea." I say smiling at my little girl's foresight.

"Finn didn't get a nap this afternoon and he'll want to be carried home if we go now." Peeta says reading my mind and Bow cheers around a mouthful of danish since she knows her brother is no longer as light as he used to be and neither Peeta or I will want to carry him on the long walk back to our house.

"You still sleep in your own bed kiddo…" Peeta says as Bow feeds him a bite of her danish.

When Bow came along a crib was added to the furniture in our cabin and then when Finn was born, he and Bow shared the crib briefly. That was until Bow learned to climb out of the crib and then she usually slept with us in the big bed.

This past winter Peeta had asked some of the guys from town to help him put together a pair of twin sized beds down at the cabin and now both Finn and Bow have their own 'big kid beds' for when we stay here.

"I know. Finn-y doesn't like it when I sleep in your bed." She says and then yawns and lays her head on Peeta's shoulder, rubbing her eyes.

Peeta and I share a look and Peeta subtly slips his pocketwatch out and checks the time. He holds up 7 fingers and then 3 and a fist telling me it is 7:30 and I nod and gently sit Finn up on his bottom.

"Alright, let's go get ready for bed." I say leaving no room for argument and Finn gives a token protest but stands and follows his sister into the cabin while Peeta and I clean up from our picnic so that we don't draw any animals.

"I think a bottle of wine and the rocking chairs on the porch are calling our names once the little people are down for the night…" Peeta whispers conspiratorily and wags his eyebrows at me. I chuckle and we carry the food and dishes inside and start cleaning up while the kids look at books quietly on the floor between their beds.

Bow is old enough to have already changed into her pajamas on her own but Finn is still wearing the clothes he was put in after his bath. We decided to give underwear a try again until bed and Finn has stayed dry through the rest of the afternoon and the evening which we've made sure to make a big deal of.

"Finnick, go use the potty before bed." I say sternly as I come to stand at the bottom of his bed and Bow stands first and holds out a hand to help him up.

"I have to go too, Mom. I'll take him with me and make him try." She says with such maturity that I am momentarily taken aback as I realize my little girl isn't so little anymore.

"Oh…well…thank you baby, you're such a great big sister." I say quietly, thinking of Prim as I often do when I see Bow doing things for Finn. She smiles proudly and leads her brother to the bathroom while I go back to helping Peeta wash and dry the dishes.

"Did I just hear that right?" Peeta asks with a proud smile and I nod as I pick up a dish towel and start drying as he washes.

Peeta and I see the relationship between our children so differently sometimes being the youngest and oldest children respectively from our families. I better understand what motivates Bow's frustrations with things Finn does and Peeta better understands why Finn insists on doing everything like his big sister and wants to follow her every move. As a result of raising both of them, I've learned to appreciate what it means to be a youngest child in a family and Peeta has come to understand more about why his brothers did the things they did to him being the older ones.

Having Bow and Finnick has allowed us to relive the best moments of our childhood (few as they were) and create better moments for our children than we could have ever dreamt of in our own dreary early lives.

"You're such a good big sister, Bow." Peeta says from the kitchen as he glances over his shoulder at the kids. Finn is sitting in Bow's lap, sucking his thumb as she animatedly reads a book to him.

When Bow hears Peeta's compliment, she ducks her head shyly and continues reading the book more quietly. One of the personality traits Bow has undoubtedly picked up from me is that she finds if very difficult to accept a compliment.

"Thank you Daddy." She says quickly because she knows I will tell her to anyway if she doesn't.

Peeta chuckles softly as we go back to the dishes and talk about going to visit my mom tomorrow night for dinner. Since she returned to District 12 for good when Bow was a little over a year old, We usually visit her one day a week and she comes to stay with us Saturday nights into Sunday at least twice a month.

She lives 2 minutes from District 12's biggest hospital where she has been provided some office and lab space to do her herbal remedy research which is only about 35 minutes from us by car.

Usually when we visit her, I take the kids to her house for the day and then drive back to town by myself to pick Peeta up and bring him back with me to my mom's but I'm not sure that's the best idea after Peeta has just gotten over an episode.

"Do you think Vera could handle things by herself tomorrow?" I ask trying for casual but I see Peeta's hands freeze in the sink water momentarily.

This is an argument we've had a thousand times over the years. Peeta thinks he does best when he is able to jump right back into things after an episode and I always think he should take a few days to rest with me and the kids at home.

"Nah, I'm fine. Take them to your mom's when we get home in the morning and then you can come pick me up from work and we'll go back for dinner _just _like always." He says trying to keep his voice even and I sigh and set the plate I'm drying down with an audible _clank_.

"Katniss, I'm not gonna argue with you about this." Peeta says not turning to look at me as he goes on washing dishes and his voice rises a little.

Glancing over at the kids, I see that our tones have drawn their attention and they are both leaning around the end of Finn's bed watching us.

"Maybe we should talk about this later." I mumble and Peeta looks towards the kids as well before he goes back to washing with a nod.

"There's nothing to talk about, I'm going to work tomorrow. Vera's already had to be there on her own for 2 days and it's my damn bakery to run." He growls and I toss the dish towel I'm holding onto the counter angrily and glare at him.

"Really? I thought it was _our_ bakery to run." I growl back and leave Peeta to mull that over as I head back to the children to get Finn in his pajamas.

Peeta finishes up the dishes on his own while I put Finn in his pajamas and make both kids pee one more time and brush their teeth. Finn is so tired that he's close to having a full blown meltdown and because that's just how parenting goes sometimes, Bow has reached the point where she's so tired that she's circle back around to having a second wind and is jumping on her bed.

"Hey, hey…settle down, Bow." I whisper catching her in my arms and sliding her into her bed under the covers as Finn begins wailing something about monsters and climbs out of his bed.

I look over towards Finn's bed just as Peeta gets there and scoops him up in his arms shushing him. Finn tries the croissant maneuver to get away from his father but gives up pretty quickly and drops his head to Peeta's shoulder with his blanket tucked against his cheek and his thumb in his mouth.

"Thanks." I murmur to Peeta and lay down on Bow's bed behind her as Peeta smiles slightly and puts Finn down in his bed and covers him before lying down himself and cuddling our little boy close in his arms.

I can't help but smile at them both when I look at their nearly identical faces so close together in the dim light of the cabin. Bow shifts in front of me and asks me to sing them a song in the middle of a hearty yawn.

"Which song?" I whisper and both children immediately say 'meadow song'.

The sun has dropped below the horizon enough that our little forest getaway is already shrouded in enough darkness that the kids should drift off quickly. It's too warm to light a fire and neither of us has turned on any lights in the cabin so the only sounds and light come from the crickets and fireflies that are active after dark.

The crickets methodical chirping helps to keep time for me in the song and the steady blink of the fireflies at the windows drags down the already heavy eyelids of my children and they are asleep before I reach the third verse.

As is typical when the kids are having a hard time going to sleep, Peeta and I remain in their beds for 5 minutes after they've fallen asleep and then slowly slip off of the beds and meet in the middle of the room.

"Still want to sit on the porch together?" Peeta asks sheepishly, letting me know that he realizes his fault in this disagreement.

"Of course I do." I whisper and reach out to hold his hand with my own sheepish smile.

Peeta nods and looks towards the kitchen. "I'll just grab the wine and glasses if you want to grab a blanket." He says and I shake my head and pull him towards the door, grabbing a blanket off of the couch on our way.

"If we have glasses in our hands, I can't sit in your lap and cuddle as easily." I grin and tug him out the door where we drop into one of the large rocking chairs together, me on Peeta's lap and the blanket draped around both of our shoulders comfortably. We watch as hundreds of fireflies blink both in front of and beyond the tree line and finally Peeta is the one to apologize first.

"I'm sorry about earlier, Kat. I just…I don't like arguing with you about this all the time. You need to trust me to make my own decisions about how I'm feeling after an episode and then go the extra mile by actually _believing_ me when I tell you that I'm okay to get back to living my life…_our_ life." He corrects and I know he has recognized his mistake in calling the bakery 'his' bakery.

"I know….I know." I say resting the back of my head on his shoulder with a sigh. It's always been difficult for me to let go of the need to protect Peeta in all aspects of our life and not just when he tells me he tells me he needs it. For as long as we've been having this conversation about what he should do after his episodes, nothing has really ever happened to indicate that my position is justified. Peeta _is_ usually able to jump right back into his work and home life without trouble, but the pessimist in me always expects 'the next time' to be the time he isn't.

"I'll try to chill out about it and I guess…well, you _did_ relax today and not go into work." I admit and Peeta tightens his arms around me. "Just…try to remember that it's _our_ life and _our_ bakery, Peet." I say laying my arms over his gently and stroking the backs of his hands lightly. "W're in this together."

"I know…and I'm sorry I said that." He whispers kissing my ear tenderly and then nuzzling my neck. "Everything I have is yours Katniss. I love you and _our_ kids more than anything in the world and I'm thankful for every morning I wake up with you beside me and every minute that I get to hold those beautiful children you gave me in my arms." He whispers against my ear and I turn my head to kiss him softly at first, but with increasing intensity as he responds to my kiss with his own pent up passion.

"I love you too, Peeta. All I ever want to do is protect you and love you, you know that right?" I ask turning in his arms to straddle his lap comfortably.

He gives me a little smile as he rests his hands on my hips under the blanket and then rests his forehead to mine. "Real." he whispers softly. "It amazes me every single day, but…real." He groans and pushes his hips up into mine reminding me of our interrupted morning and bringing all of those feelings back with a vengeance.

"Peet…" I moan softly and he stands from the rocking chair carefully and lets me slide to the ground, setting me on my feet.

"Shhh…very, _very_ quietly." Peeta says and I cover my mouth to hold in a laugh when I hear the humor in his voice as we creep back inside the cabin.

I shut the door behind me as quietly as possible and take Peeta's hand as we make our way to our bed in the back corner of the cabin diagnol to where the kids' beds are at the front.

We watch each other from opposite sides of the bed as we undress quickly, no longer needing the same slow burning foreplay all the time that we needed early in our relationship. Having small children in the house for 6 years has necessitated some changes to our love making but it hasn't made it any less enjoyable when the opportunity arises.

I climb under the covers first while Peeta is removing his prosthetic leg and then he joins me and we cuddle up together, stroking and kissing in the ways we know the other likes best. We keep our moans and sighs to a minimum at first since the kids have only recently gone to sleep but when Peeta climbs on top of me and I stroke my short fingernails lightly up and down his back, he moans loudly and pushes his hips into mine hard so that I feel his hard shaft rubbing between my already slick folds.

"Ohhhhh, shit, Katniss!" He cries and then glances nervously at our sleeping children between heated kisses.

"Don't worry, they won't wake up." I assure him, knowing my children can sleep through just about anything when they are this tired and Peeta relaxes slightly.

"Kay." He sighs happily and settles his weight more comfortably on top of me and kisses his way down my neck and between my breasts. He's only been treating them to his usual attention for a less than a minute when I use my hands in his hair to guide him back up to kiss my lips.

"You alright?" He asks quietly as I grip his torso on both sides just under his armpits and push up against him with a moan.

"Yeah, they're just sensitive." I assure him and Peeta nods and goes back to finding other ways to work me up like he often has to do when my breasts are extra sensitive the week before my menstrual cycle begins.

The fingers of his right hand are suddenly probing between my legs and I cry out as he plunges them into me in the midst of a deep kiss. My legs snap closed around his hand, trapping it there momentarily until I gradually relax my legs and let them fall open as he begins to pump his fingers in and out of me and I raise my hips in time with the push and pull of his hand.

"Ah! Peet…please…" I gasp, tightening the grip of my hands on his torso to let him know I'm ready as I feel his erection against my outer thigh.

Peeta breaks away from my lips to check once more that the kids are sttled before he removes his fingers just as he is thrusting his hips forward into mine and we both grunt, trying to keep as quiet as possible as he fills me.

"Oh, Katniss…shit, I love you so much." Peeta pants beside my ear as we lie still, not moving for a few wonderful moments and just enjoy reconnecting in this way that's so intimate and familiar to us.

I nod and slide my hands up to hold onto his shoulders and then around to rub his chest and abdominal muscles as he shifts up onto his elbows and slowly starts to pull back and then thrusts into me with a grunt.

"I love you too, Peet. Always." I whisper and slide my arms around to lay flat on his back as we move easily together faster, not searching for a release just yet but enjoying the physical and emotional closeness being together this way provides us.

Peeta slows down and speeds up periodically, following my cues but never letting me get too close to my orgasm which tells me he's enjoying this slow reconnection just as much as I am. When I slide my hands to his abdomen again and feel how tightly coiled his muscles are, I know it's getting more and more difficult for Peeta to hold off as well.

"Come to finish me off, sweetheart?" I say, repeating Peeta's words from beside the stream in our first Games when I was looking for him so that we could team up. Peeta's eyes narrow at first as he tries to place where he's heard that before and I wait patiently for him to find his way through the ever present cobweb of false memories in his brain. Finally, he grins and rolls his eyes slightly as he begins thrusting harder and more purposefully into me.

"Absolutely.." He growls and lowers his lips to mine as his hand slips between us to push me the last little big towards that edge.

I can't help the cry of pleasure that escapes me as his hand finds its goal and I grip his shoulders to the point it must be painful for him. I feel the waves of pleasure beginning to ripple through my body from head to toe and gasp as I arch my back into Peeta's body hard.

"Peeta!" I gasp and bite down on my bottom lip as my eyes squeeze shut and Peeta pins my hips to the bed with his own, pouring into me with his own cry of release.

We collapse together in a heap of sweaty limbs and I chuckle softly when I see Peeta lift his head to check _just _once more that the kids haven't woken up.

"You know, we used to do this when each of them was still in a bassinette in the bedroom with us as babies…Not often…but we did manage it." I remind him and he kisses me as he pulls back from my body and drops to his side of the bed with a grunt.

"Yeah, I know…but it's different now." He whispers as he tries to catch his breath and I turn over lazily to my own side facing him. "I mean…damn Kat…when Bow caught us this morning I thought I'd have a heart attack." He huffs with a grin and it is my turn to roll my eyes at him.

"Oh please, she had no idea what was going on!" I whisper back and reach out to stroke the fingers of one hand through his sweaty hair. "She thought you were looking for my necklace." I chuckle and Peeta shrugs.

"I know, but on top of getting more stunningly beautiful every day, she's also getting smarter by the minute and she's not going to buy the 'looking for your necklace' crap for long…" he says tugging me over into his arms with a soft laugh.

"She told me yesterday that she thinks you and I kiss too much." I admit with a grin and stretch forward to kiss his soft lips once. I snuggle into his arms now that we've cooled off a little and look over as Bow rolls over to and pulls her knees up under her belly making her backside stick up in the air.

"See?" Peeta groans. "If she said that to you then she's already noticing…things…too much." He says and I pat his chest reassuringly. "I was kinda hoping to not have to discuss sex with her until she was…I dunno, roughly…like….forty-seven. Forty seven sounds like a good number right?" he asks lifting his head to look down at me and I cover my mouth to keep the laughter bubbling out of me from getting too loud.

"Aw..it's okay, sweetheart." I say guiding his head to rest on my shoulder. "You've got plenty of time before you need to start scaring boys away from Bow. And it shouldn't be that hard to run them off anyway…" I grin and Peeta looks up at me puzzled.

"Imagine this conversation…" I say and bat my eyes at Peeta pretending I'm Bow. " '_oh boyfriend, could you please, please, please come meet my Hunger Games victor parents? I think you'll especially love my Daddy who was brainwashed in his youth and occasionally has violent tendencies towards others!'._" I say and Peeta looks first appalled and then a slow, evil grin spreads across his face.

"Oooo…I sure do like the way you think girl on fire…you're sick for twisting my hijacking into something I can potentially use against our daughter's future suitors, but I still love the way you think…" He whispers and rolls over onto me, kissing me as I giggle at his excitement for teenage boy frightening potential and we move on to round two with our fingers crossed that the kids are definitely down for the night.


	39. Chapter 31

**a/n: Happy Friday everyone! I am on vacation (the kind where you go somewhere on a plane, not the kind where you take the week off from work and lay around the house in your pajamas) from tomorrow until Friday the 19th so I wanted to get Chapter 31 out before I left! The next update will hopefully be next weekend sometime as I will probably get some writing done on the plane. I will post chapter 32 by Saturday or Sunday next weekend depending on how much of my Saturday is taken up by watching the new Catching Fire trailer premiering at Comic-Con San Diego that day once it hits the internet! So excited for that! **

**Enjoy and have a great week! **

Chapter 31

_I belong with you, you belong with m_

_You're my sweetheart _

"Ho Hey"- The Lumineers

On the Saturday that Zale came to stay with us, the summer humidity was at its peak. Even at 6 o'clock in the evening, when the train from District 4 rolled into town carrying our pint sized visitor, it was still unbearable. On the phone earlier in the week, Zale had gushed about how excited he was to come and stay with us for the first week of his summer break from school.

Peeta had joked as we lay in bed later that night that Zale's excitement was probably motivated more by the idea of riding the train by himself for the first time than it was by the prospect of visiting us for a week.

I had questioned the soundness of Peeta's argument all the way up until I stood on that platform and watched Zale hop off of the train with the kind of confident swagger and air of "I'm-the-man" that only a preteen boy can exude when given one of his first opportunities to do something grown.

He looked the same as when we'd seen him earlier in the spring at our wedding reception except his tan indicated that he'd already spent a good deal of time outdoors since then (most likely on a boat or at the beach).

He bounced along across the platform searching the crowds for me and Peeta with bright, engaging green eyes. Before he saw us, Peeta and I shared a brief look that communicated the same thing we'd been saying to each other every time we'd been around Zale since he was a baby; he was the spitting image of Finnick.

"Katniss! Peeta!" He called running full tilt in our direction when he spotted us at about twenty feet away. At ten feet away, he dropped his large duffle bag to the ground and at four feet, he launched himself at Peeta who caught him and threw him over his shoulder with a hearty laugh.

"Easy kid, you're bigger every time we see you and I'm getting too old to carry seven-year-olds around…" Peeta teased and Zale frowned and gave Peeta a good natured shove when he put him down on his feet.

"Hey! I'm eleven, not seven!" He laughed and Peeta shoved him back lightly with a gasp.

"_Eleven_? Why, you're practically grown!" he said slapping his forehead for affect and then glanced around Zale at the bag he dropped a few feet away.

"I guess that means you can carry your own bag to the car now. Terrific!" Peeta said with a smirk and a big thumbs up.

Zale groaned and his shoulders slumped as he turned to get his bag.

"Hey! How 'bout a 'hi, Katniss. How have you been?'" I laughed and opened my arms to the boy who grinned shyly and walked straight into my embrace.

"Hi, Katniss. How have you been?" he asked with a smirk when I cupped his face in my hands and smiled down at him.

It was still so hard, even so long after losing Finnick, to look at his son's face and not feel immensely sad. But because Zale absolutely hated seeing that look from people, I masked it by crossing my eyes to make him laugh and then kissing his forehead and mussing his coppery hair.

"Come on," I said as I released Zale and he picked up his bag from the ground.

I looped an arm over Peeta's shoulders and he did the same to me as we headed for our car with Zale walking between but a little ahead of us.

"I bet you're hungry after such a long train ride all by yourself." I said and Zale turned around to face us but continued walking backwards.

"I'm eleven, I'm ALWAYS hungry." He laughed and turned back around as we reached the car and he threw his stuff in the back before climbing in.

"Good thing you're staying with a baker and a hunter this week then, huh?" I teased and climbed in back with Zale while Peeta went around and climbed into the driver's seat.

On the way home, Zale gave us the abbreviated version of everything he'd done in school and at home since we'd last seen him at our wedding reception. He finished up his school year, was being good for his mother, and he had just begun sailing lessons which he claimed had Annie more overprotective and anxious about his safety than she normally was.

"So, you looking forward to a week of baking and hunting?" Peeta asked glancing in the rearview mirror as we neared the houses of Victor's Village and a group of kids from a neighboring house raced out of the road where they were playing some sort of ball game and waved at us as we passed.

"Definitely!" Zale said practically bouncing with excitement in his seat.

"Could we go to the lake and swim too?" He asked looking between my face and the back of Peeta's head expectantly.

The child's excitement was contagious and I found myself grinning from ear to ear as Peeta chuckled in the front of the car.

"Sure," he said with a casual shrug as we parked in front of the house.

"I don't have the baking class with the kids tomorrow so why don't we go once you've had a chance to get a good night's sleep and a hearty breakfast in the morning?" He said and Zale nodded eagerly before he climbed out of the car with his bag over his shoulder.

"Here kitty, kitty. Here, Buttercup!"

I glanced over at Peeta with a frown to find he was already looking sadly after Zale. The boy was glancing from side to side in the bushes looking for the cat as he headed for the door. I mentally cursed myself for not having thought to say something earlier but truth be told, I was still kind of trying to get over the scruffy cat's passing several weeks earlier myself.

That's right. A few weeks after our wedding reception, it was as if that damned ugly cat had decided his job of bringing us together was complete. He had started staying outside of the house more and more, even choosing to sleep on the porch or out in the woods at night rather than in our bedroom.

Peeta and I had both noticed but neither of us said anything to the other for fear that mentioning what we knew was coming would make it true. After a week of hiding, sleeping outside, and turning down even his most favorite of foods (bacon), Buttercup didn't show up at all for two days. On the second day, Peeta came home from the bakery while I was making dinner and stood in the doorway of the back porch with a small, still bundle wrapped loosely in a blanket.

I had been trying to prepare myself during those few weeks prior but seeing his face and knowing that the stupid, ugly, mangy pet that was my last remaining physical connection to my sister made me drop to my knees and break down in tears.

They only came on stronger when Peeta walked slowly over to me and sat down on the floor with me and I could see he'd been crying as well. I reached out and put a hand on top of the blanket covering Buttercup and petted his lifeless body one last time while I tried to compose myself.

"We should bury him at the old house. That's where he always wanted to be anyway." I finally managed to say before another wave of tears.

Peeta nodded and set the cat aside before he pulled me into his arms and we just sat there holding each other and crying for the loss of our pet.

That had been just over a month before Zale's visit and Peeta and I were both still missing him. We shared a look as Zale pushed open the front door still calling for the cat. Peeta walked swiftly up the walk to the house calling the boy's name.

I followed behind at a slower pace and had just entered the house as Peeta was apologizing to a distraught Zale for not having told him beforehand that Buttercup had died.

"It was only a few weeks ago, Buddy. Katniss and I…we're still kind of sad about it so we didn't think to mention it to anyone else besides Haymitch." He was saying gently as he crouched on the floor with a hand on Zale's shoulder supportively.

I sighed sadly when I saw Zale trying to quickly dash away his tears with the backs of his hands and walked over to pull him in for a hug.

Since Zale was little, every time he and Annie came to visit, Buttercup had been his constant playmate. I assumed the love affair began on Buttercup's end because the little soft human constantly smelled of milk and whatever other food was stuck to his face as he crawled around the house on the cat's level. Zale had been taken with Buttercup from their first meeting, squealing happily and trying to get a handful of fur every time he saw the cat skulking through the house.

"I'm so sorry, Sweetie." I whispered and held him close.

He slowly raised his arms to wrap them around my waist and hugged me tightly because he knew as much as I complained about the cat, I had loved him too.

Peeta stood and wrapped his arms around us both and we all just held each other for a few long moments. What finally pulled us apart was a soft, light meowing coming from the upstairs. We had all just pulled far enough apart to look at the stairs as our noisy, new little roommate pranced down the steps to check out our visitor.

Zale stiffened momentarily and then looked up at Peeta and I, before slowly smiling.

"Who's that?" he asked with a tear roughened voice and slowly approached the orange tabby kitten who was sitting on the bottom step, his tail twitching back and forth contentedly.

"Buttercup Two," I said. When Zale cast a skeptical look over his shoulder, I shrugged.

When Peeta came home with the kitten two weeks earlier, I had initially been really pissed off that he had gotten it without talking to me first but he had assured me that it wasn't something he planned. He'd heard a customer asking people in the bakery if they knew anyone interested in a cat because his female cat had just birthed a sizeable litter and he was looking to offload the kittens quickly.

"We're still working on the name…" I said even though calling him 'Buttercup Two' had kind of grown on me. He was nicer to me than Buttercup the First had been when he was a kitten but to be fair, I hadn't tried to drown this one when Peeta brought him home. Though I briefly entertained drowning Peeta when he'd first walked in with the little ball of fur sitting on his shoulder.

"He's cute…can I take him up to the bedroom with me while I unpack?" Zale asked hopefully and chuckled when the kitten jumped from the step onto his duffle bag and began biting the straps as if it was some monster we all needed saving from.

"Yeah, that's fine. Dinner will be ready in about a half hour so don't waste all your time playing with him and not unpacking your clothes." I warned even as the boy was racing up the stairs with the kitten hopping along behind him.

I looked over at Peeta who laughed softly at the look on my face as we headed into the kitchen together to set the table and get dinner started. I couldn't believe that Zale had gone from being sad about Buttercup to wanting to take the kitten off and play with it in a matter of minutes.

"He's an eleven-year-old boy, Kat. They're mercurial by nature." He said pulling some steaks from the fridge that were already marinated and ready to cook on the grill outside.

I smirked as I set the table and raised my eyebrows at him. The first time I had come into contact with Peeta he was 11-years-old and nothing like he'd just described the typically developing boy. Especially the one who was probably lying on the floor upstairs with a still fully packed bag dropped by the bedroom door while he played with the new kitten.

"So if typical eleven-year-old boys are like Zale, were you some kind of weirdo because you were single-mindedly obsessing over a girl you'd never met and throwing her bread so that her family didn't starve to death?" I asked walking over to him and handing him the large grilling fork to take with him outside.

"Absolutely." Peeta said proudly. "My brothers thought I was deranged."

He smiled and I chuckled and stood on tiptoes to peck him on the lips.

"Aww…well, I for one am glad you were a weirdo." I said with a nod and Peeta leaned forward to kiss me this time.

"Me too." He teased and winked at me as he slipped out the door.

"You better go check on him. The typical developing 11-year-old wouldn't have even _thought_ about unpacking yet." He said and I set a stack of napkins down in the middle of the table before heading upstairs to find Zale.

Zale passed out by 8:30 that night but not until he'd eaten a 12 ounce steak, about 10 stalks of asparagus, half the bowl of mashed potatoes on the table and two slices of a chocolate cake Peeta had brought home with him from work.

When he started nodding off as he pushed himself back and forth in one of the rocking chairs on the front porch, while Peeta and I lounged on the swing together, Peeta had sent him up for a shower and to change into his pajamas. He'd never have admitted how tired he was on his own but after traveling for most of the day, he was obviously exhausted.

Peeta and I were still on the swing together and the sun was just beginning to set when Zale padded barefoot out onto the porch in light pajama pants and a sleeveless undershirt to say good night.

Buttercup Two was doing figure 8's around his feet as he made his way over to shyly lean against the railing across from us. I sat up from where I was laying with my head in Peeta's lap when I remembered that, with just he and Annie in the house together, Zale had very little opportunity to see how couples behave together and he might have been embarrassed by even simple displays of affection.

"Heading to bed?" I asked leaning more casually into Peeta's side and Zale leaned down and picked the kitten up, smiling when it snuggled him under the chin. I looked away briefly to collect myself because the soft, sweet smile on his face was just too much like Finnick's had been. Peeta must have sensed that I was upset because he wrapped one arm over my shoulders protectively as Zale nodded.

"Yeah, I'm pretty tired. Night," He mumbled and set the kitten in my lap as he leaned over to hug me quickly.

Before he could pull away, I put my arms tightly around Zale's shoulders and hugged him back. I had suddenly been overcome with an overwhelming need to show him how happy I was that he had come to visit us. Zale stiffened at first, surprised by my returning his hug so tightly and then he sighed softly and relaxed into my arms.

"Thanks for letting me stay with you guys this week..." He whispered and scratched the back of his head nervously when he stood straight. Peeta took mercy on him by reaching out to muss his hair rather than subject Zale to an awkward guy hug. He also reminded him that we were the bedroom door next to his if he needed anything at night.

"We'll be up in a little, but if you need anything in the next hour or so we'll be out here." I told him and Zale nodded and said good night once more before he scurried inside and headed up to bed.

"He's such a good kid." Peeta said guiding me back to my previous position lying with my head in his lap looking up at him as the kitten curled up on my stomach comfortably.

I nodded and smiled, thinking of how good of a job Annie was doing with Zale on her own. He was just getting to that age when having a man around to share any thoughts or feelings he might be having was something he could really use on a daily basis. Annie had even asked Peeta if he wouldn't mind fielding any 'guy questions' that might come up during his stay and he had readily agreed. Based on the fact that he seemed more embarrassed than usual by even our smallest displays of affection for each other, I assumed he might actually have some questions worth Peeta's time.

We were splitting time with him during the week and I hoped that, if he _did_ have any concerns or questions, Zale would feel comfortable enough when he had Peeta alone to ask them.

"Yeah, he is. I just hope we don't screw him up at all while he's here…" I said with a nervous laugh.

"I mean…it's not exactly like we're kid experts and we usually have Annie here to field the behavior issues that come up…" I said chewing my bottom lip. "Can you punish 11-year-olds? I don't even know how that would work or where to start if…"

Peeta cut me off by leaning down to kiss my lips deeply.

I sighed and relaxed into the kiss, knowing that because Peeta was using his most effective method of calming me down (and shutting me up) that he did not have the same concerns about our ability to care for Zale.

"Katniss…he's eleven _years _old not eleven _months_ old." He smirked and reached over to pet Buttercup Two's downy fur.

I knew what he was trying to say, but I still found the idea of being responsible for another person's life pretty daunting. I'd just finally gotten pretty good at taking care of myself and Peeta and we had a new pet we'd managed to keep alive so far. But the responsibility of taking care of a child, especially one who was all his mother had left of his father, was pretty daunting indeed.

"I'm well aware of that, Peet," I scoffed and sat up next to him, rousing the kitten. He meowed at me and hopped over to Peeta's lap where Peeta continued to calmly pet him and the kitten kneaded Peeta's thigh with his paws.

"It's just, I haven't had this much responsibility laid on me in quite some time. It just…brings back memories of taking care of Prim," I said quietly. Peeta sighed and reached over to hold my hand in my lap. "And look how good of a job I did with _that._" I mumbled and looked down at our joined hands.

"Well, just remember that when you were taking care of Prim it was just you because your mom mentally checked out after your dad died. This time, you have me to help take care of Zale," He smiled and squeezed my hand gently.

"Anyway, tomorrow should be an easy enough test of our childcare skills since we're taking him to the lake." Peeta said with a chuckle. "The kid can swim laps around you and you're the best swimmer I've ever seen."

He winked and I nodded but was still skeptical.

"I really hope he likes hunting. It's the first time he's been old enough to take out with me and we already know he loves to bake with you." I said ticking activities off on my fingers in hopes that it would help ease my mind to review all of the fun things we had planned for Zale's visit.

"He'll have a blast with us, Katniss. Did you see how happy he was when he saw us on the train platform?" he asked shaking his head as if he couldn't believe it himself.

When I looked more closely at Peeta's face, I was momentarily taken aback by how touched Peeta seemed to be knowing that Zale was so happy to be with us. While I was still frightened by the idea at the time, the look on my husband's face told me just how badly he still wanted to be a father some day.

We had occasionally talked about it through the years and while I had stopped turning him down outright, I continued to insist to Peeta that I still didn't feel ready to be someone's mother just yet. I knew it upset him even though he tried to hide it very well.

I saw how much he loved kids every time one of them walked into the bakery, with eyes bigger than their bellies as they took in the sight of all the wonderful cakes and other goodies.

I saw it whenever I joined him for one of the two Sundays a month that he ran the children's baking class and saw how happy being with children made him. Of course, I didn't miss the affectionate way the children looked at him either. There was never any doubt in my mind that Peeta would make the better parent of the two of us, but when I'd first had that thought, I hadn't been the other parent in my mind's equation.

"I did."

I had to at least admit that I'd seen how happy Zale was to see us when he first spotted us waiting for him at the train station. Anyone with a fully functioning pair of eyes could see it.

"He _was_ thrilled." I whispered as Peeta nodded and leaned back into the swing comfortably. He once again began to push us back and forth with one foot on the ground.

He tugged me over into his side and we watched the sun drop behind the tree line that was the beginning of our forest and I relaxed slightly as I worked to picture Zale's face on the platform that evening. It was a technique Dr. Aurelius had taught me to use over the years when I was feeling overwhelmed and as I pictured Zale's look of excitement and took some deep breaths, I began to calm.

I appreciated that Peeta didn't mention anything more about either his or my childcare skills for the rest of the time we sat out on the porch. Eventually, the kitten grew bored with chasing fire flies and mosquitoes in the grass just off the porch and began to pace in front of the door telling us he wanted to go in, mewling loudly.

"Yeah, yeah…we hear ya," I laughed softly and tugged Peeta to his feet before we headed inside.

I hadn't realized how tired I was myself from cleaning and preparing the house for Zale's stay until we were climbing the stairs to the second floor and my body protested the struggle against gravity at each step.

Peeta chuckled as he watched me holding onto the railing as I trudged upstairs and I made sure to smack his ass hard when we reached the top step.

"Shh!" He hissed with a grin as he grabbed my wrist and pointed towards Zale's door which was already closed for the night.

I didn't know whether it would be considered a violation of his privacy to open it and check on him or not so I let Peeta make that call as we came to stand in front of the door. I stepped to the side slightly as he gently turned the knob and peeked inside. When he glanced at me with a tender smile and nodded, I moved my own head to look in.

Zale was stretched out diagonally across the bed on his stomach with the covers half turned down underneath him. He had all of the windows open wide and there was a small device sitting on the nightstand near where his head was resting on a pillow that had sounds of waves crashing on a beach coming from it.

I realized that he must have been so used to the sound of the ocean as he slept that being away from it would make it too difficult for him to sleep properly. So he had brought the ocean with him in some way. The sound was so clear that I almost looked out the window to make sure we weren't in fact at his and Annie's quiet, secluded little bungalow by the shore as Peeta slipped into the room and headed for the bed.

I watched with open curiosity (mostly because I knew Peeta couldn't see me well in the sliver of moonlight illuminating shadows in the room) as he crept to the side of the bed nearest the windows and gently tugged the covers the rest of the way down underneath Zale's prone body. The he just as gently tugged them over his sleeping form and tucked him in. Completing the fatherly picture developing in my mind, he leaned over and pressed a soft kiss to the boy's brow and brushed his wavy bangs back from his face lovingly.

I rested my head against the door jam and closed my eyes briefly as a wave of some feeling that was previously completely foreign washed over me. Something deep inside my belly clenched and unclenched at the sight of Peeta taking part in what would have been such a typical daily routine in the life of a parent.

It touched me even more because I was watching the scene unfolding in front of me take place between a fatherless child and a man who was ready to be a father in his heart but had no child.

He stood over the bed watching Zale sleep for a few moments more and then turned back to me and crept back out the door, shutting it gently behind him.

"He's beat." He whispered with a short laugh and I reached up to wrap my arms around his neck standing on my tippy toes and pressed a hard kiss to his mouth.

Peeta was startled at first but his hands fell to my hips after a moment, holding me close as he returned the kiss.

When we pulled back, Peeta looked down into my eyes a little bewildered but still smiled at me.

"What was that for?" he asked and kept his hands on my hips since I still had my arms looped around his neck.

I shrugged, not ready to share what I'd felt when watching him tuck in our little visitor just yet. Especially since I wasn't sure myself what exactly those feelings meant.

"Nothing…I'll tell you later." I said reaching up to kiss him once more. "Come on, I'm exhausted and am probably going to pass out in the same position Zale's in once I hit the bed."

I chuckled and headed for our door but stopped a moment and watched Peeta turn back to check Zale's door once more before he followed me into our bedroom where Peeta fell quickly to sleep and I lay awake for several hours, trying to sort out those feelings as best I could.

**a/n: It only felt right to dedicate this chapter to the memory of Buttercup. It dawned on me that he had to go sometime and this seemed like the most appropriate and tasteful way to say good bye to him. RIP Buttercup! **


	40. Chapter 32

**a/n:** **Came back to the real world from vacation and just hit 200 reviews! Woo hoo! I was able to write on the plane a bit (thank God for Word to Go on my Kindle Fire that's all I've got to say!) and finished up the rest of the chapter yesterday! I hope you all enjoy Zale as much as I am enjoying writing him. **

**I've tried to do the original story proud with this somewhat of an original character since we only ever knew him as a baby in a picture Katniss puts between the pages of the memory book. Being as Finnick was my favorite secondary character in the series, I felt it would only be right to let him and the family he left behind play a part in Katniss' decision to have a family with Peeta. **

**I wondered since I read the end of Mockingjay what it was that caused Katniss to change her mind after so many years saying no to having children and so this is my take on how that happened! Enjoy! Writing the end to this chapter was also really helpful in killing time while I waited for the new Catching Fire trailer which ROCKED! I sincerely cannot wait until November! **

Chapter 32

_When we were young, oh, oh, we did enough  
When it got cold, ooh, ooh, we bundled up  
I can't be told, ah, ah, it can't be done_

"Stubborn Love" -The Lumineers

One of the first things that Peeta and I learned about having a child in the house was that the term 'day off' means virtually nothing to them.

At almost 6 o'clock on the dot, Zale came whirling into our room like a small, green-eyed tornado and leapt onto the end of our bed with a boisterous,

"Good Morning! When can we leave for the lake?!"

Peeta rolled over with a groan from where he was lying on his side of the bed face down in his pillow and I blinked my eyes rapidly after the initial startle I received from being woken up so suddenly.

Luckily Peeta and I had both worn pajamas to bed that night which was not typical in the summer months when Peeta preferred to keep the air conditioning off at night and leave our bedroom windows wide open as we slept. I quickly realized that pajamas would be necessary for the remainder of Zale's visit if he was going to be bursting into our bedroom every morning.

"Woah, hey…first of all," I grumbled and sat up with my legs tented under the sheets so that I could lean my elbows on my knees and talk to him.

"Knocking before you enter closed doors with married people behind them is appreciated here…" I said as Peeta sat up beside me and leaned back against the headboard nodding in agreement with me.

Zale's ears reddened indicating that he had at least some idea of the birds and the bees which I was thankful for.

"…and secondly," Peeta continued for me as he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes.

"It's 6 a.m. on a Sunday. This is the only day all week that I really get to sleep in, so we're going to go to the lake a little later, okay?" he said raising his eyebrows at Zale who pouted slightly but nodded.

I could tell right away that Zale was uncomfortable with Peeta speaking to him, but instead of telling us that he was upset, Zale just leaned over and picked up Buttercup Two who had followed the sounds of commotion to our bedroom and had just hopped up onto the bed to receive his morning snuggles.

Peeta slid back down under the covers with a yawn and I chuckled softly and climbed out of bed, motioning for Zale to follow me.

"Come on," I whispered stroking a hand over the boy's messy bed head as he gingerly climbed off of the bed to avoid bothering Peeta any more than he already seemed to think he had.

"We'll go feed the kitten and I'll take out the waffle maker for breakfast, how about that?" I asked pulling a light robe on over my nightgown as Zale trailed a little behind me holding the kitten to his chest.

At the top of the steps I placed a hand on his shoulder when he looked back at the bedroom door sadly.

"Hey, he's not angry with you sweetie, he's just tired." I explained gently and Zale cast his eyes to the floor and he shifted from foot to foot uncomfortably.

"Peeta works very hard in the bakery all week to get to sleep in on Sundays. He's not mad at you, I promise okay?" I asked and Zale nodded but didn't lift his eyes to me until we were at the kitchen door downstairs.

"Sorry," he mumbled and placed the kitten on the floor as we entered the kitchen together. "I'm used to my mom doing all kinds of stuff with me early in the morning since…well…because she doesn't have to go to work or anything like that…" he trailed off and didn't say more as I handed him the pitcher of milk from the fridge so that he could pour it into the cat bowl on the floor.

Annie, like the rest of us Hunger Games victors who had survived the war, was offered the opportunity to have all of her needs and wants met for the remainder of her life. Most of us had been too proud to accept this gift but in Annie's case, I think we all felt it was the least they could do for her as she was already emotionally damaged with a child on the way who was the son of another former victor who was also a dead war hero.

"I know, Zale. Peeta does too, he just wanted to make it clear to you why we're going to wait a little to go to the lake. He wasn't angry with you." I said kissing his forehead as he handed me back the pitcher of milk. "We both know that you're just really excited to be here and to go to the lake." I assured him and Zale seemed to perk up at this.

"Oh, ok…cool." He said with a shrug and smiled slightly. "Can I help you make the waffles too?" he asked and I chuckled at the eager look on his face when I turned from grabbing a large mixing bowl from under the counter.

"Sure, you remember where Haymitch's chicken coop is?" I asked and he nodded excitedly. "Go grab me about twelve eggs if you can find that many. Oh, and stick your head in the house and say hi to Haymitch while you're there. If he's not in a bad mood, you can ask him to come over for breakfast."

Zale smiled and chuckled softly. "Haymitch is _always_ in a bad mood…" he said looking toward the kitchen door that led to the porch.

"Well, I trust your judgement so you make the call. If he's grouchier than usual, throw an egg at him." I whispered playfully and Zale laughed.

"Okay!" He called over his shoulder as he grabbed a basket for the eggs and bolted out the door.

The kitten startled and almost put his face fully into the bowl of milk. I raised my eyebrows at him when he looked at me and meowed.

"Yeah, I know; kids." I shrugged and he pranced over to me so that I could pet him good morning.

Zale returned twenty minutes later with Haymitch grumping along behind him and placed the basket of eggs on the counter beside the stove for me while I was prepping the waffle maker.

"Thank you." I said with a wink and Zale cut his eyes at Haymitch with a grin as he stood beside me waiting for further instructions on how to help with breakfast.

I turned to the stove for a moment where bacon was sizzling in a pan as Haymitch dropped into his usual seat at our table. He grumbled something about being extra hungry since we didn't call him over for dinner the night before when Zale arrived. By the looks of him, I assumed he wouldn't have been conscious for the meal anyway.

"You know when we eat." I said casually as I showed Zale how to crack eggs gently against the bowl and add them to the ingredients already in the bowl.

"Besides, I told you at breakfast yesterday that we were going to be picking Zale up." I explained patiently as if to a child.

"You just don't listen to _most_ of what I say to you so I can see where you might have missed that piece of information." I smirked and Haymitch scratched the back of his head and grumbled something about not remembering me saying that which only backed up my assertion that he didn't listen to me.

Zale giggled while he stirred the waffle mix abd Haymitch asked where Peeta was.

"It's Sunday, old man." I said glancing over my shoulder with a smile to temper the 'old man' rib.

"He's still in bed but he'll probably be down in the next half hour or so though so don't drink all the coffee." I warned as he tipped the carafe over his cup for the second time since he'd sat down.

"He can make more." Haymitch grunted and I rolled my eyes.

"So what are you doing with the little fella today? Lake's probably nice and cool." He suggested and Zale nodded excitedly.

"We _are_ going to the lake! Could we eat there and stay over night, Katniss?! Are you gonna come too, Haymitch?" Zale asked and even Haymitch couldn't help smiling at his excitement.

"Nah, I uh…limit myself to about a one mile radius around the Victor's Village, kid. But you go and have fun." He said with a wink just as Peeta came around the corner into the kitchen in a pair of jean cut-offs that touched just below his knees and a pale green t-shirt.

He was still barefoot which told me he wasn't yet ready to leave but he looked more awake than when Zale had woken us up.

I was putting a large fluffy waffle and some bacon down in front of Haymitch when I saw Peeta and frowned.

"Peet, you could have slept longer." I said quietly as Zale scurried over to his seat and sat down quietly. I noticed that he wouldn't look at Peeta, instead he focused on putting butter and syrup on his waffle.

Peeta yawned as he poured himself a cup of coffee and went to the table.

"No, it's fine. I'm up." He said and exchanged grunted good mornings with Haymitch.

When he sat down, he noticed Zale's demeanor and shot me a questioning glance. I nodded toward Zale and mouthed for Peeta to say something to him and by the look he gave me, I could tell he knew why Zale was so unchcaracteristically quiet.

"Morning again, Mr. Odair." He said reaching over to muss Zale's hair who looked up at Peeta uncertainly.

Watching how Zale reacted to men brought into sharp focus just how little day to day contact he had with them. I could see in the way he shifted uncomfortably in his chair as Peeta spoke to him what Annie meant when she told us he needed to be around a man more. I had also suspected that Annie might have started seeing someone and wanted Zale to get used to the idea of another man in his mother's life, but since I hated people interfering in my personal life, I wasn't about to ask Annie about her own.

"Hey," Peeta whispered leaning over toward Zale. "You gonna challenge Katniss to a race at the lake today?" he winked and Zale smiled slightly and nodded.

"Good, cause you know I love to see her lose since she thinks she's the best swimmer around these parts." He teased and I pretended to not hear what they were saying as I made a waffle each for myself and Peeta.

I caught Peeta's eye again over Zale's head and we both smiled at each other, happy that the tension had been broken up a little bit.

"So are we gonna stay overnight at the cabin or come back here?" Zale asked around a mouthful of waffle which he washed down with a gulp of milk.

"We're coming back here tonight, probably after we have dinner at the cabin." I answered as I set Peeta's plate down and leaned over to kiss him good morning quickly. He placed a hand on my hip over my robe gently as he kissed me back and I set a plate down for myself so that I could join all of my 'boys' at the table to eat.

Zale loved to stay at the cabin when he and Annie visited because it was so close to the largest available water source in our part of District 12 so I decided we had to find a night that week to stay at the cabin with Zale.

"Peeta is going to take you to the bakery with him for the day tomorrow while I go back to the cabin and pick some vegetables and fruits for the rest of the week since we obviously need to keep ourselves well stocked with such a hungry young man in the house." I smiled and Zale giggled.

I couldn't help but notice the way Haymitch was watching Peeta, Zale and I interact. After knowing him for so long, I could tell exactly what he was thinking and hoped that he would keep it to himself at least until we were alone. He'd been after me about having kids with Peeta even more frequently than Peeta had over the years. It was obvious to everyone that Peeta deserved to be a father, I just hoped that I could have as much faith in my own ability to parent as I had in Peeta's so that I could have a family with him one day.

"I'm done eating, can I go put my bathing suit on now?" He asked jumping up from his seat and taking his dishes to the sink before turning to look at Peeta and I expectantly.

"Sure, go ahead." I said and Zale grinned and bounded out of the room. "We're leaving in half an hour so find something else to do until then!" I called after him and Zale answered with something I couldn't quite make out but included Buttercup Two so I assumed he would keep himself busy with the kitten until Peeta and I were ready to go.

I turned back to my breakfast with a smile and a shake of my head to find Haymitch grinning at me like an idiot. I begged him with me eyes not to say anything, but it's a rare occasion that Haymitch passes up the opportunity to embarrass me.

"Well, don't you three just make the perfect family picture." He said and leaned over to whisper loudly to Peeta.

"You better hurry her upstairs quick, boy while she's got babies on the brain. You know it won't last long so you need to…strike while the iron is hot as it were." He winked and Peeta frowned.

"Don't be crude, Haymitch." He said around a mouthful of waffle. "Don't you have something better to do with your time this morning besides sitting in my kitchen eating all my food and embarrassing my wife?" he asked and I smirked at Haymitch who rolled his eyes and having his fun for the morning effectively killed.

"Fine, see if I help you out anymore." He huffed and stood patting his full stomach as he headed for the door.

Peeta glanced at Haymitch's pile of dishes still on the table and made a face of exasperation as he cleared his throat to get Haymitch's attention.

"Hey, you know even the 11-year-old can clear his own plate from the table without being asked." He said and Haymitch didn't even turn around as he opened the door and went out.

"Good for him." He called over his shoulder and Peeta and I didn't even flinch as the door slammed shut.

I shook my head with a smile as Peeta stood to clear Haymitch's spot. He glanced out into the hallway, probably to make sure Zale wasn't there, before he placed Haymitch's stuff in the sink and rinsed it off.

"I didn't hurt his feelings too bad, did I?" he asked softly as he opened the dishwasher and placed the plates inside.

I looked up from my breakfast and watched Peeta carefully for a moment. He was doing well keeping his tone even but I could see that his back and neck were tense and his brow was knit in the way it got when he knew he was in trouble with me for something.

"Who? Haymitch?" I asked with a grin but quickly realized Peeta was genuinely concerned about hurting Zale when he raised his eyebrows at me.

"He was a little upset." I admitted, not wanting to lie to him because I knew he would be able to tell.

"Nothing I couldn't handle. You know it was just because he's not used to being scolded by a man, Peeta." I said softly and sipped my orange juice.

Peeta nodded slowly and leaned back against the counter folding his arms over his chest with a sigh. He obviously still felt bad about upsetting Zale but I didn't say anything more since I knew he'd likely spend the restof the week making it up to him.

"When you have him at the bakery tomorrow you should try and talk to him and see if you can get him to open up to you a little." I suggested trying to change the subject as I finished eating and took my plate to the sink to rinse.

"You know that Annie would really appreciate it. I think she's worried about Zale growing up without a dad." I said and walked over to stand beside Peeta after placing my dishes in the washer.

He reached out with one arm which he hooked around my waist and pulled me into his arms. He looked off out the kitchen window for a long moment and then smiled slightly and looked down into my face.

"Mmm…I think she has a boyfriend and hasn't brought him around Zale yet cause she's afraid of how he'll react…" Peeta murmured and leaned down to kiss me when I put my hands flat on his chest.

"Me too!" I exclaimed with an excited slap of both my hands onto his chest which caused Peeta to hiss in pain. "Ooo! Sorry! But I thought that too!" I whispered sharply and rubbed Peeta's chest as I continued.

"I thought so last night when he got all flustered seeing us cuddle and when I told him he couldn't just open our door this morning without knocking first." I said with a nod and then pointed between Peeta's eyes.

"Speaking of which, we should probably make sure we go to bed in pajamas this week while he's with us…" I whispered remembering my thought from earlier when Zale first entered our bedroom.

Peeta stiffened and frowned down at me. "But…but what if we want to…" he widened his eyes and looked me over suggestively.

"I don't think that's a very good idea, Peet. I mean he's in the bedroom right next to ours…" I mumbled and reached up to kiss him softly.

I could see his point being as we hadn't had sex in a little over 2 weeks, but I also didn't think it was exactly appropriate to do so with our friend's 11-year-old son a wall away.

Peeta sighed and kissed me back. I groaned when, like a typical guy, telling him no only made him want it more and Peeta deepened the kiss as he pulled me flush against him.

"You've done fine the last two weeks without it, I think you can manage one more." I argued even as we continued to kiss against the counter comfortably.

We pulled away reluctantly when we heard Zale thumping his way down the stairs and hallway. We both smiled at him when he appeared in the kitchen doorway grinning.

"I'm ready!" he announced and picked up the kitten who had followed him into the room. Zale was dressed in a green bathing suit and a tight green sleeveless shirt that had a shiny quality to it. I assumed that meant he was supposed to wear it while swimming. He had a pair of sandals on his feet which I immediately deemed inappropriate for our long trek through the woods.

"Nice footwear…" I teased and walked over to him. "Not so practical for walking to the lake though. Can you wear the shoes you had on last night?" I asked and Zale shrugged as if he couldn't see what the big deal was.

"Yeah, no problem." He said turning and racing back out the door and up the stairs.

I shook my head and laughed, looking over at Peeta who was looking at the ceiling smiling. His face reminded me once again just how much he longed for children and I heard that little voice in my head again asking me if it would be so bad to have a little child running around who looked like the two of us and hopefully had Peeta's personality.

For as long as I had been turning Peeta down when he asked about children, I had spent just as much time questioning myself as to whether I was being selfish by not giving him the one and only thing he had ever really asked me for.

Having Zale in the house for less than 24 hours had already stirred up some feelings inside me that I didn't quite want to put a name to.

"Come on," I said reaching out to grab Peeta's hand to pull him out of his reverie. "We better get ready too before he leaves without us." I grinned and tugged him along with me upstairs to change.

By the time we reached the lake, Zale was practically bursting out of his skin with excitement. He kicked his shoes off in the direction of the cabin porch and took off for the water. We didn't need to give any warnings about water safety as true to his District 4 upbringing, Zale had spent just as much of his life so far in the water as he did on dry land.

"Maybe we could bring him back to stay the night later on this week. I don't think he's stayed at the cabin overnight for quite a few years." I said and Peeta shrugged as he pulled his shirt over his head and removed his shoes.

He checked his sport prosthetic that he used for swimming and running when he worked out to make sure it didn't have any gaps or holes in it before heading off toward the water after Zale.

"Sure, how about Saturday night? I just need to be back for the baking class but maybe he'd like to do that with us Sunday before he leaves?" Peeta suggested as he watched me remove my clothes so that I was standing in my bathing suit. He looked me over appreciatively as he backed toward the edge of the lake slowly.

"Behave." I said sternly as he reached the water's edge but kept his eyes on me.

While a devilish smile was stretching across Peeta's face, Zale snuck quietly through the shallows to come up behind him. Peeta had just enough time to realize what was going on when he saw a corner of my mouth twitch up, but not enough time to avoid Zale's attack.

The boy lunged easily out of the water onto Peeta's back and wrestled him down into the shallows as they both laughed and carried on together.

"Go easy on him Zale! He's getting old!" I called as I walked into the water a little ways down from them and swam out into deeper water to swim laps.

I kept an eye on the boys as I swam and once again felt that tugging in my heart as I watched them together.

I knew that part of it was that I was happy to see Zale doing guy things but I was becoming even more certain that another part of it was seeing Peeta so happy and carefree as he rediscovered his childhood through Zale.

I stopped and watched them play after swimming for a while and laughed myself as Zale let loose a string of full belly laughs each time Peeta let him climb onto his shoulders and then stood, propelling him through the air and into a big splash.

The familiar laugh we'd been hearing from Zale since toddlerhood was part of the reason for my amusement but I was also thinking of how exhausted Peeta was going to be that night when we got home.

I quickly decided that we would stay at the cabin for dinner for sure so that Peeta had a chance to rest before we walked back to town.

We swam for most of the day and Peeta gave me some time to walk around the lake with Zale and show him different plant and animal life that we have in District 12 while Peeta went inside the cabin to rest.

Zale particularly enjoyed watching a pair of deer grazing and he wanted to take home a chipmunk that we followed for a good half mile.

I quizzed him on some plants I pointed out to him in the past and was pleasantly surprised by how much Zale remembered from previous lessons I'd given him during his visits with Annie.

Peeta had volunteered to make dinner after he rested from swimming while I took to the forest with Zale and we had just emerged from the woods as Peeta was stepping out onto the porch to call us in to eat.

"What are we having? Is it steak again? Or chicken? I like ribs a lot too!" Zale said and Peeta kicked him in the butt lightly as he ran up the front steps.

"Do you ever think of anything else besides food?" Peeta asked and Zale laughed softly and turned a little pink in the cheeks.

"No…well…yes…food and…and sometimes girls…" he mumbled and Peeta laughed back and placed a hand on Zale's shoulder, leaning in closer to him.

"Me too, buddy. Me too." He whispered loudly and then more quietly told him that he'd talk more about that with him later if he wanted. Zale glanced at me out of the corner of his eye and then nodded slightly to Peeta.

"Good. Go wash up for dinner." Peeta winked and Zale headed off for the bathroom at the back of the cabin.

I raised my eyebrows at Peeta and he waited until the door to the bathroom closed behind Zale before he responded to my look.

"Guess that's covered." He said with a short laugh and I smirked.

"Not quite covered until you've had the discussion Peet." I said moving to help him set the table for dinner.

I was never happier that Zale was a boy than at that moment but I didn't get the impression that Peeta was concerned or embarassed to talk to Zale at all. This of course, only went to further prove why Annie had asked Peeta to have a man to developing-man talk with him.

Truth be told, it made me kind of sad to think of Zale as anything other than the sweet little boy we'd played and snuggled with for all those years. It actually stressed me out a little to know that he was past the age where girls were gross.

"I had two older brothers, Katniss." Peeta reminded me as he went back to the stove and turned over the fried chicken he had simmering in a large skillet.

"As I'm sure you've noticed over the years, it takes a whole lot to embarrass me." He said lowering his voice as the bathroom door opened and Zale followed the mouthwatering scent of fried food into the kitchen.

"Fried chicken, corn on the cob, and collard greens tonight." I said as Zale glanced over at the fridge where I was sure he knew half a cake Peeta had left in there from earlier in the week was located.

I stopped beside the chair Zale had sat down in and grabbed his cheeks. I was saddened to find they were no longer soft and squishy like those of a child but harder and more defined like those of a man.

"Dinner first, dessert second. Got it?" I asked and Zale grinned up at me and nodded. "Good." I said and leaned over to kiss his forehead like I had earlier in the day.

When I let go of his face, I was just turning to sit in my own chair when I caught Zale wiping my kiss off of his head and gasped.

"What!?" I screeched and Peeta gasped playfully too as he leaned over the table to put down a huge plate of chicken and the bowl of greens with a big smile.

"Ooooooo! Look out kid, you're in for it now!" Peeta laughed and shook his head as he sat down and I moved quickly to wrap my arms around Zale from behind, pinning him to his seat as I did so and resting my chin on his shoulder.

"Wipe MY kisses off, will you…" I teased and pulled Zale and his chair back onto two legs and leaned over him to kiss all over his face as he laughed and squealed, struggling to get away from me.

"Stop! Stop! Stop!" He laughed and I made sure to give him one last big wet kiss on his cheek before I let the front legs of the chair hit the floor again and went to sit in my seat.

"Yuck!" Zale growled dramatically and picked up a napkin which he then used to wipe his face clean.

I grinned proudly at him before turning my eyes to Peeta who was giving me the same smile I saw on his face when he watched me running one of the baking groups during our Sunday kids class. It was the smile that said 'how could you _ever_ think that you wouldn't make a good mother?'.

"Well, then don't wipe my kisses off. Jerk." I teased and Zale shook his head, laughing softly as he went back to filling his plate.

Just like the night before, Zale emptied his plate which consisted of 2 drumsticks a breast and a leg nevermind the sides he piled on. After he was finished he put away not 2 but 3 pieces of the cake in the fridge. I tried to stop him after the second piece, but Peeta assured me it was fine since he'd been running around and swimming all day.

"It's not his waistline I'm worried about, Peeta." I said as we cleaned up the kitchen while Zale laid on the couch looking through some of the books we kept at the cabin.

"Your cakes are rich, I'm more worried about him getting sick from eating too much." I whispered and Peeta smiled and shrugged.

"He's a growing boy, he'll be fine." He said trying to placate me but I still wasn't sure it was a good idea.

"Zale?" I called toward the couch where I could only see his feet hanging over he arm on the side closest to us. "How you doing in there?" I asked and wiped the counter down before hanging the rag back on the faucet as we finished up.

When Zale didn't respond right away, I said his name again and looked questioningly at Peeta who shrugged and tried his name a little louder.

"Hey man," Peeta said as he walked out of the kitchen area and rounded the end of the couch. "didn't you hear Katniss call your…" He stopped speaking abruptly when he saw why Zale hadn't answered me. I saw it as well when I reached the same spot on the end of the couch.

Zale was lying on his stomach with the memory book Peeta, Haymitch and I had worked on together and was eventually published for mass distribution to the country. I sighed sadly when I saw that he had the book open to his father's page.

Peeta and I exchanged a look and waited for Zale to make the first move.

"Seems like he was a really great guy." He finally said with the sort of reverence that comes with having heard for all of his life about the legendary Finnick Odair. A man who had died bravely but brutally, fighting against a Capitol he had essentially been enslaved by for most of his life.

The kind of reverence that could only have come from a child who never met that legend himself. A legend who it just so happened was also his father.

Peeta and I moved to either side of the couch and Zale sat up in the middle to make room for us.

Peeta took the book from Zale's hands and opened it wider so that we could see both the picture of Finnick as well as the description on the opposite page accompanying it.

"The best." I said wrapping one arm around Zale's shoulders that were slumped forward making him seem smaller and more vulnerable.

"What…what does this part mean?" he asked pointing to one line on the description page.

"Bought and sold by the Capitol. How can that be? How can you _buy_ a person?" Zale said with an almost exasperated, uncomfortable laugh and looked desperately between my face and Peeta's.

We shared another look and just like always, Peeta eloquently explained the horrors of our dear friend's endentured servitude in a way that his child would understand without telling him too much.

"What that means…" Peeta started and ran his thumb that was closest to the picture of Finnick on the page over his face that was smiling up at the three of us.

"…is that your dad did whatever he had to do to keep your mom safe because he loved her more than _anything_ in the world." He said simply and smiled softly down at Zale.

Zale seemed to know that it meant something he wasn't yet old enough to hear, but Peeta's answer seemed to satisfy him for the time being.

"Your mom doesn't have this book at home?" I asked and Zale shook his head.

"She says it upsets her too much to have things around the house that remind her of the Hunger Games." He said simply and sighed as he settled back into the couch between us.

"Actually, I don't know a whole lot about him except what I've seen on the television and what my mom will tell me when she's being happy about him." Zale admitted and then frowned at the picture of his father.

"When she's sad about him she won't tell me anything…" he whispered and I squeezed his shoulder gently.

"Well then, it's your lucky day because Peeta and I…we know a ton of things about your dad." I whispered conspiratorily and a slow but wide smile spread across Zale's face. It almost perfectly matched the smile looking up at us from the memory book.

Zale turned his head to look up at Peeta and he smiled at him as well and nodded.

For the next two hours we took turns sharing even the smallest morsels of information about Finnick with Zale and he lapped up every bit of it as enthusiastically as he had any of the meals we watched him devour since his arrival.

Eventually, we moved from the couch to the rockers outside and when it was time to leave and head home as the sun began to set, we continued sharing stories about Finnick all the way back through the forest on our way home.

Zale was so tired by the time we reached the meadow that Peeta had to carry him piggie back for the rest of the way to our house. When we reached the door, he was sound asleep on Peeta's shoulder.

"I'll take him up and get the shower turned on for him." Peeta whispered as I opened the door for him and nodded.

"I'll put out pajamas for him and get the bed ready so he can just go right to sleep after he's showered." I whispered back and followed Peeta upstairs to take care of our exhausted young guest.

Peeta put Zale down on his feet at the top of the steps and the poor kid startled awake, looking around wildly as he tried to figure out where he was. I felt a little bad for him, but truth be told, a small part of me was happy to see a normal kid response from him. Whenever I startled awake at his age it was usually because of hunger pangs and then not long after, because of nightmares about my father being blown up in the mines.

Peeta reminded Zale where he was and guided him into the bathroom where I heard him turn on the shower as I entered the guest room and flipped on the light to get the room ready for Zale to sleep. I opened the top drawer on the dresser he was using to find all of Zale's sleepwear and undershorts tossed in together in one big clump of clothing.

I shook my head and smiled as I took out a pair of his boxers and pants that looked like the ones he'd worn to sleep in the night before and grabbed a sleeveless undershirt which I carried over to palce on the end of the bed.

I had to admit I was surprised to find that Zale had made his bed that morning as I smiled and turned down the comforter. I leaned over to fluff the pillows up when something sticking out from between the mattress and box spring caught my eye.

It was an edge of blue fabric that appeared to be made of terrycloth. I frowned as my first assumption that it was a childhood blanket got shot down when I realized it wasn't frayed or old looking at all.

I was just reaching for the piece sticking out so that I could examine it closer when Peeta spoke up from the doorway.

"Wouldn't touch that if I were you, sweetheart." He said with an amused tone that told me he had a pretty good idea what the piece of cloth was.

"Why? What is it?" I asked genuinely perplexed and Peeta smiled as he walked over to pick up the pajamas I set on the bed so that he could take them back to the bathroom for Zale.

"Ummm…" Peeta said making a face like he wasn't sure exactly what to say to me. I was a little surprised by this because Peeta always had such a way with words.

I looked down at the piece of cloth still sticking out, then to Peeta's face and then the bedroom door where I could hear the shower running and quickly back to the cloth and covered my mouth. It suddenly dawned on me what Peeta was trying to say.

When I looked at Peeta's face again, he was nodding anad cringing.

I widened my eyes and dropped my hand and my voice as I said, "You mean that's…"

Images of Zale as a sweet, fat little baby, a curious and funny toddler, and a rambunctious little boy flitted through my mind as Peeta nodded.

"…his yank rag?" He said and I reached out with the hand that had been over my mouth to smack Peeta on the arm and he laughed before stepping out of my reach.

"What?! You asked!" He laughed and rubbed his arm with a chuckle.

"That's…that's _disgusting_!" I whispered sharply and Peeta shrugged.

"He's…he's just a little boy! That can't be what it is…can it?" I asked even sounding whiny to my own ears.

Peeta shot me a scolding look and cocked his head at me.

"Katniss…he's not a little boy, he's eleven…almost 12." He said and shrugged again. "That's about average for when most guys discover how…all that works." He said trying to refrain from using crude language again.

And right he should have after throwing around terms like 'yank rag'.

Gross.

"Are you serious?!" I asked appalled and pushed Peeta toward the door when I heard the shower turn off down the hall. "Is that how old you were when you started doing…that?" I asked quietly and Peeta shook his head with a smile.

I was about to ask him how Zale could have been considered average aged for it when he himself had been outside of the average but Peeta cut me off.

"-I was 10." He grinned and my eyes widened again and I covered my ears.

"Okay! Okay! Enough sharing for one night!" I groaned and headed for the door as Peeta walked to the bathroom and knocked.

"Hey, pajamas." He said when Zale asked what he wanted. The bathroom door opened a crack and Zale stuck his hand out, grasping at the air for the clothes and Peeta placed them in the vicinity of where he was grabbing.

"Thanks!" he called through the door when he slammed it shut a moment later.

I looked sadly between Peeta and the door a few times before I slouched my shoulders and shuffled off to my and Peeta's room to shower for bed myself to the sound of Peeta chuckling behind me.

He caught up with me as I was rinsing my hair and climbed in the shower behind me to wash off the grime of the lake.

"Damn…" He groaned as we switched places under the flow of water and I reached for his body wash on the shower shelf. "I think I need that cream I put on my leg on my whole body after playing with that kid today…" he chuckled and I stepped up to his back with a handful of body wash and started working it into his back.

I spread my hands out in a circular motion as I rubbed the creamy soap across his back. I could definitely feel some knots as I moved further out to his lower back, his shoulders and down the length of his spine.

"I don't think we have enough for your whole body but I feel a few spots that could use it for sure." I said digging my knuckles into a few of the bigger knots to try and work them out and Peeta moaned happily and rested his forehead against the shower wall.

"Thanks, baby." He sighed and I smiled as I felt him relax a little at a time as I continued. When I was finished, I turned him around to rinse off his back and filled my hand again to wash his front.

"You're welcome. Zale get to bed okay?" I asked quietly as I soaped his neck and chest, smiling when I slid my hands into his armpits and ran my fingernails over the sensitive skin just behind his armpits on his back. Peeta pulled his arms tight to his body to stop my hands from tickling him and smiled down at me before closing his eyes.

"Yeah, he's wrecked." He murmured with his eyes closed and then grinned. "Probably _too _wrecked to do anything with…" I flexed my fingers and pinched that sensitive skin behind his armpits and Peeta released my hands from where they were pinned at his armpits and grabbed them with his own hands.

"Alright! Alright…sorry!" he laughed and pulled me over into his arms and linked them by the wrists at my lower back so that he was looking straight down into my face.

"Seriously…I'm even more certain that you need to talk to him tomorrow at the bakery now that you've ruined my vision of him as a sweet, innocent little boy." I said softly and Peeta nodded.

"I've already told you that I'll talk to him, Katniss." Peeta said patiently and laid his hands flat on my back, stroking his thumbs gently over my wet skin as the hot water sluiced over us comfortably.

"He's already dropped a few hints but I don't think he's gone any further with it because he's embarassed to talk about stuff like that in front of you. Which he should be." He said and I nodded slowly.

"Alright, well…I don't want like…details or anything, but just let me know if that talk goes okay when it happens?" I asked and Peeta nodded.

"Absolutely. With as little detail as possible." He promised and I linked my hands together at the middle of his back.

"Good." I said with a nod and reached up to kiss him softly. "Come on, let's go to bed and I can put some of that cream on your ouchies…" I teased and Peeta groaned and brought his lips back down to mine and kissed me deeply.

"I have a better idea for how you can make the 'ouchies' go away…" he whispered and I shook my head even as I kissed him back.

I was serious about trying to avoid embarrassing Zale by having sex while he was in the house, but I also knew Peeta needed to be up really early for work and it would be extra tiring after such a long day at the lake and with a pre-teen to get up and moving at the same time.

"Uh-uh." I mumbled and pulled back from the kiss so as not to work him up any more than he already was.

"Work tomorrow…with the boy." I said as a way of explanation. "He's been up bright eyed and bushy tailed at 6, but we haven't seen Zale at 4:30 before…" I said and Peeta stood straighter and smiled evily.

"Wait…so are you telling me that tomorrow morning _I _get to wake _him_ up?" He said and I raised my eyebrows and nodded slowly.

"Ooo…you're right, we can't have sex." He said looking thoughtfully at the shower wall with his plotting face on.

"I need to have my head clear so I can think about how exactly I'm going to wake that peppy little jackass up…" he whispered and looked back to me as if he just remembered I was still in the shower with him.

"Thanks for the reminder." He said leaning down to peck me on the lips quickly before he released me and reached for his shampoo.

I chuckled softly and reached up to stroke his cheek softly. "Alright, well don't traumatize him for life or anything." I said playfully as I reached for a towel and climbed out of the shower to let Peeta finish his.

When he slid into bed a little later I already had the cream ready for him and he let me apply it first to the sore places on his back and then the stump where his leg ended with no trace of embarrassment or discomfort as he once had.

I noticed the whole time he was smiling as he looked at the ceiling and I knew he was running through some scenarios that would appropriately pay back Zale's wake up call from that morning.

"That was nice tonight…" I whispered when the lights were off and we were lying on our sides facing each other in the dark. "…talking to him about Finnick, I mean." I explained and Peeta took a deep breath before he responded.

"It was." He said softly and reached out to hold one of my hands on the mattress between us and used his thumb to move mine back and forth gently as we talked. "I hadn't thought of some of that stuff in years." He whispered and didn't say anything for a moment.

I knew exactly what he meant. Sometimes in trying not to remember all of the bad parts of our past, we forgot about the good things too. Like my first meeting with Finnick, his dry wit, the tenderness in his eyes whenever he looked at or even spoke of Annie.

"Me either." I admitted and reached up with my free hand to stroke his stubbly cheek with the back of my hand. "We should do that more often, ya know? Talk about the good things." I suggested and I could just see Peeta's eyes blinking more and more slowly in the moonlight as he began to drift off to sleep.

"Uh huh…" he murmured and I smiled at how young he looked and sounded in that moment as he fought a losing battle with exhaustion. Unexpectedly, that vision of a little child who looked a little like me and a lot like Peeta popped into my head and I stroked his cheek once more.

"Night, Peet." I whispered and stroked the tips of two fingers over his full bottom lip lightly and leaned in to kiss him one more time.

Peeta grunted back, already too far gone to offer anymore of a good night than that. I fell asleep with a smile on my face and slept through the night without the interruption of a dream or nightmare for the first time in quite a while.

**All for now! Next chapter will be split between Katniss and Peeta's POV's and will include some angst on both Katniss and Peeta's part as Zale asks some innocent (but tough) questions about their life together...**


	41. Chapter 33

Chapter 33

_ You've carried on so long, _

_You couldn't stop if you tried it. _

_You've built your wall so high_

_That no one could climb it, _

_But I'm gonna try_

"Beneath Your Beautiful" – Labrinth

When I woke up in the morning, the first thing I saw was Peeta standing in front of his dresser pulling on and buttoning the top button on a pair of the over washed blue jeans that he always wore to the bakery. His head turned toward me when he heard me move and he smiled softly in the gray pre-dawn light that I was so familiar with seeing the room bathed in whenever I woke to Peeta getting ready for work.

I yawned and stretched under the covers before holding out my arms to the side and beckoning Peeta over to me with a wiggle of my pointer finger.

"Morning, Mrs. Mellark." He whispered and grabbed his shoes from under the dresser as he came to sit on my side of the bed to put them on.

"Morning," I smiled as he leaned over to kiss me after he'd tied the first shoe.

He looked so breathtakingly handsome in the tight fitting shirt I recognized as one that would have matched the color of his eyes if everything in the room wasn't painted a uniform gray in the early morning light. His mess of curly blonde hair hung so long that it almost to covered his beautiful blue eyes and I briefly missed the near-crewcut he sported a year or so ago. But, the feeling passed quick enough. I couldn't help it; there was just something about his unruly curls that reminded me of the round-faced boy who had thrown me a loaf of bread and it served as a daily reminder of how lucky I was to have wound up with such a decent and loving man.

A warm tingling feeling that I associated with the kind of gooey, teen-aged love I had been much too busy in my _actual_ teenage years to experience, unfurled deep in my belly, making me wish I hadn't sworn off sex until Zale left. It also surprised me since idealistic thoughts weren't my usual M.O. Certainly neither were overly sentimental 'girly' thoughts, but alas, there they were.

I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him back deeply out of habit. It wasn't my fault, really. In the morning before Peeta went to work was, for one reason or another, usually the time of day we both felt most amorous toward each other.

I don't know if it was because spending the night cuddled up together reminded us of the first way we'd been openly affectionate with one another or that we knew we'd be spending most of the day apart once he left for the bakery, but whatever the reason, more often than not, we made love in the very early hours of the morning.

"Mmm…much as I'd love to stay in bed with you…" Peeta mumbled against my lips as he guided me back down so that my head was on my pillow. I reached up to stroke his stubbly cheek like I had the night before and traced his strong jaw line with the tip of the nail on my pointer finger. Peeta moaned and turned from where he was sitting on the edge of the bed just enough to press the erection stirring beneath his pants into my thigh so that I had no doubt as to how _much_ he'd like to stay.

"…I have to wake Zale up to leave for work and I'm really, really looking forward to it." He whispered and stroked a hand down my side, leaving a trail of heat that certainly made me feel like the girl on fire even though I had just turned 30.

"Almost as much as I'm looking forward to this…" he said sliding his hand from my side to between my legs under my nightgown and stroked his fingertips gently over me through my underwear.

After so long together, I couldn't fight my body's reaction to his touch, especially since it'd been so long since we had been intimate. And though there was a part of me still didn't like the idea of doing so with Zale around, that part of me was becoming weaker by the moment as he continued to stroke me with a feather light touch and his erection continued to press into my thigh.

"Mmm…Peeta, please," I said grasping his wrist with both hands and releasing our kiss to bite my bottom lip.

"Go to work before I do something embarrassing and _maybe _I'll consider arranging for some very quiet alone time tonight after Zale's asleep…" I whispered huskily and Peeta dropped his forehead to my shoulder with a grunt.

"Woohoo!" He cheered quietly but not quietly enough so I slapped the back of his head lightly in warning and snorted a laugh.

"Shh!" I hissed and tried to keep from laughing too hard as he stood and straightened his clothes.

I pulled the covers up around my body more securely and turned over to my stomach to sleep for a few more hours. I had time before I would have to head out to the cabin again to pick our fruits and vegetables for the rest of the week and maybe do some hunting.

"I'll see you tonight…love you." I mumbled into my pillow and turned my head to watch him engage in a mental battle of wills. For once it wasn't between "Good Peeta" and "Bad Peeta", but between "Horny Peeta" and "Responsible-business-owning-adult-Peeta".

I rolled my eyes as he stood indecisively rocking from foot to foot before I tossed a small throw pillow at him and shooed him out the door.

Peeta grinned and smiled over his shoulder as he headed for the door, wagging his eyebrows as he glanced next door at Zale's room. He whispered a quick 'I love you' back to me and shut the door behind him gently as he left the room.

I chuckled softly and shook my head, knowing that Peeta had neither the interest nor ability to be truly cruel to the child in waking him up so I wasn't too worried about what was about to go down next door. I grabbed Peeta's pillow and pulled it into my arms since I still needed him close in some way regardless of whether he was in the bed with me or not just as I heard his booming voice telling Zale to rise and shine.

"How can there be any shining? The sun isn't even up yet…" I heard the boy groan before I chuckled into Peeta's pillow and drifted back off to sleep with a smile on my face.

I didn't hear Peeta and Zale leave but I was sure Peeta had come back into the bedroom to kiss me good-bye before they left. It was, after all, the lingering scent of his aftershave on my cheek that helped me find my way out of the nightmares that seized hold of my mind at some point in those last few hours of sleep.

Even in the confusion and chaos of waking gripped by terror, I remember thinking how it was always Peeta that helped me find my way back during my own brand of what Dr. Aurelius called episodes of 'post-traumatic stress', even if it was just the familiar, comforting smell of him still clinging to the air in our bedroom.

I didn't know exactly how long it had lasted, but even a second of sleep spent trapped in the more horrific corridors of my mind was too much for me following year after year with very little long-term relief from them.

I sat up with a jolt, breathing and sweating heavily and pulled Peeta's pillow into my arms. I held it close as I rocked myself slowly back and forth pretending it was his arms and not just his pillow keeping me grounded in the real world.

I closed my eyes against the onslaught of images that were slowly coming back to me since the initial panic of waking up alone had worn off, but it was no use trying to erase images that were a part of me as much as if they had been tattooed or branded on my soul.

What I found particularly upsetting about the nightmares, though, was that a new host of horrors had joined the usual cast of those that plagued my mind in sleep. Typically, my nightmares rotated between a selection of particularly horrifying memories. watching Prim being blown up in front of me. The fear I felt as I was hunted by the career pack in my first Games. Cinna being brutally beaten to death as I watched on helplessly.

My father being blown up in the mines.

Gale being whipped over and over and over in the square.

Peeta strapped to a hospital bed screaming horrible things at me.

On this particular morning though, the usual suspects had showed up with reinforcements. Tears streamed down my face and I bit down on a corner of Peeta's pillow hard, trying my damnedest to cast out the new images.

The image of Gale being whipped in the square transformed into Zale, screaming and crying as he begged forgiveness for traveling into the once forbidden woods to swim in the lake. The unrelenting arm of Romulus Thread fell again and again as the child cried out in pain with each horrible crack of the whip. As much as I tried, I couldn't get to him as I had been paralyzed equal parts by sleep and terror.

I could only scream over and over that the Games were over, the government was different, and that anyone was allowed into the forest now. Thread sneered as he raised the whip for another strike, reminding me that nothing was ever different. That every civilization that had occupied the land Panem now sat on had found ways to misuse the power that came with being a part of the ruling class.

What had finally woken me though were the changes made to the image of Prim disappearing behind the blinding light of exploding parachutes. Just as with the image of Gale that morphed into Annie and Finnick's son who I had grown to love so fiercely, the image of Prim was stretched and distorted until what came into focus in her place was that elusive little blonde boy who represented the secret vision of what I believed a child of mine and Peeta's would look like.

I was so unbelievably stricken by the image of the little boy's death by the parachute bombs that the hopelessness and futility with which I'd (barely) lived my life after Prim's death, and had fought so hard against for over a decade as I rebuilt myself around the simple pleasures of a life with Peeta, took a sledgehammer to that wall I'd so painstakingly built around my psyche.

With the destruction of that carefully built fortress of my mind, I was left lost and trembling in the middle of the bed, unable to focus on anything but the pain and the fear for the rest of the day.

_My name is Katniss Mellark. I'm 30 years old. My home is District 12. My husband is Peeta Mellark. I love him more than anything in the world. I can never give him the children that he wants because losing one more piece of myself, not matter how slim the possibility, would not leave me with enough pieces of the woman I was to go on living. _

(Peeta's POV)

The way Zale nearly jumped out of his skin when I woke him up to leave for work _almost_ made up for the fact that I left my roused and ready wife in the room next door.

Things had been busy at the bakery as the warm weather brought customers in looking for pastries and pies that would compliment a picnics and cookouts nicely so we had both been too tired for anything more than holding each other at night as we slept.

The multi-day episode I had just before Zale's arrival had put a bit of a damper on our love life as well and with Katniss instituting a new abstinence policy until Zale was safely on his way back to District 4, I was half tempted to gift myself with a towel stuffed under the mattress just like the one Katniss had discovered in the room of our young visitor the night before.

I smiled, thinking of her horrified reaction to Zale's blossoming sexual maturity as I climbed in the driver's side of the car and Zale climbed in back to lie down on the bench seat for the ride to the bakery.

"You do this every morning except for Sunday?" Zale mumbled sleepily as he curled up on the back seat and threw an arm over his face to block the rays of the rising sun.

I had told him to dress, set a cup of hot cocoa and a large buttered croissant at his place at the table and Zale had silently chewed the roll and sipped the cocoa while I drank a large cup of coffee and went over an inventory list for the bakery.

I didn't usually eat until I got to the bakery and made the first batch of morning pastries, but I had a feeling Zale needed the fuel in his tank before we left or he would be a cranky, whiny mess for the rest of the day.

Moodiness was one of the few things about children I could have really done without.

"Sure do." I said lifting my head to look in the rearview mirror at his prone figure in back as I drove. "Bakery opens at 6:00 and nearly everything is made fresh daily so I have to get an early start on that before the first customers come in." I explained and Zale grunted to indicate he had heard what I said.

"Doesn't Katniss own the bakery too? Why the hell doesn't she have to get up ass early like you?" He asked and I smiled because I knew he couldn't see me.

"Hey, watch the language." I warned good-naturedly so that I wouldn't upset him like I had the day before.

"Just because you've grown some hair on your sack doesn't mean you and I are equals now." I said looking at him in the rearview mirror.

"You're 11, I'm about to turn 30. Understood?" I asked and Zale sat up suddenly, probably surprised by my candor, and nodded quickly.

"Yes, sir." He mumbled and I almost laughed at the 'sir' because it sounded like an automatic response he would give an 'adult' which I wasn't entirely sure he saw me as up until that moment.

Katniss and I had been like the fun aunt and uncle who let him do whatever he pleased when he and Annie came to visit. We always respected her personal rules for proper behavior when they were at our home, but in general, we answered his requests with a yes more often than with a no.

It was during that drive to the bakery that I remembered the first time my father had expected a greater degree of respect from me. I was about Zale's age and had answered him with something smart mouthed and more typical of my older brothers just to see what he would do. What he did was shoot me a withering look that plainly told me talking like that to him again would be a terrible waste of my final breath on this earth.

I felt Zale's attempt at seeing what profanity he could get away with in front of me was his first 'test' of how far I would let him go being as that this was his first visit since he had stopped seeing himself as a 'little boy'. By the way he was sitting up straight, more awake than he'd been since he dragged himself out of bed earlier, I assumed he got the hint and would watch himself for the rest of the week.

"Good." I said with a short nod and pulled around to the back of the bakery where I parked the car. Zale slid out of the back and I asked him to grab the box of new cookie sheets that were on the floor in the back with him while I grabbed my binder from the seat beside me and climbed out.

"You still hungry?" I asked as we climbed the back stairs and I punched in a code to open the door by pressing some numbers on the plate beside the window.

Zale smiled up at me and I rolled my eyes playfully.

"Sorry, dumb question." I chuckled and held the door for him so that he could carry the heavy box inside. I flipped on the light just inside the door and Zale carried the box straight back to the storeroom where he knew it belonged.

I smiled after him as I headed into the kitchen to start taking out the ingredients I would need for putting together all of the morning wares and thought about how proud Finnick would be of the young man his son was becoming. It was still painful at times to look at Zale and not think of his father, especially since he was looking more and more like him as he grew, but overall, I think everyone that knew Zale personally was just so pleased to see him growing and thriving in this new Panem.

It was as if seeing the child of two Hunger Games victors thriving physically, socially, and emotionally gave us all hope that perhaps we could get things right this time and take the path of good when so many generations before us had taken the path that led to the wars and famines that had cost so many so much.

"There should be some pastries from yesterday wrapped up in plastic in the small fridge back in the storeroom, you can bring those out and we'll snack on them while we start baking for today." I said to Zale and he hurried back in the direction he'd just come from while I took out a mixing bowl for each of us to get started.

Thinking about Zale being the child of two Hunger Games victors led inevitably to thoughts of another child of two Hunger Games victors; my own. I wanted so badly to have children but I could tell that Katniss still wasn't quite ready to let go of all the insecurities she held about herself as a potential parent.

I knew that I could be parent enough for both of us but that wouldn't be fair to a child or to Katniss and I knew it would only make her feel worse. I had noticed a subtle change in her since Zale arrived and I knew that having him around for just two days so far by that point had only intensified my feelings, especially watching Zale wash up and put on an apron to help me bake.

"Don't you have a boy that works here?" He asked pulling me away from my daydream about a little dark-haired girl with a braid down either side of her head and blue eyes that looked like they'd been plucked right out of my head and dropped into her own.

I shook my head to clear it of the little beauty I often dreamed of and nodded to Zale as I tied an apron around my waist. I moved over to stand behind him and straightened out his hastily pulled on apron and tied it for him.

"Yeah, his name's Calen." I said with a slight growl and went back to the bowl where I was starting in on the bread for a batch of blueberry bagels and Zale started checking over the list of ingredients and measurements I had placed beside his bowl so that he could start a batch of cinnamon rolls.

"You don't like him?" Zale asked looking up from the flour he was scooping into a large measuring cup. I watched him for a moment to make sure he had it right.

"Good, now make sure you keep the rolls and the cinnamon mixture that goes between the folds in separate bowls for now." I said and Zale nodded but looked to still be waiting for me to answer his question about Calen.

I liked Calen a lot. He was young, only 19, but was a great employee, always on time, and he had a real love for baking that made it easy to teach him the trade. The reason for the touch of venom in my voice when I said his name was that it had become evident that he also had a bit of a school boy crush on Katniss.

She, of course, thought I was being ridiculous but the kid had straight out told me two days after our wedding that if he was married to Katniss, he would never leave the house. I thought that was a pretty bold statement to make but Katniss had seen it as completely harmless puppy love. He'd never made a move on her or anything because he was, by all accounts, a very respectful guy whom, even I had to admit, didn't have a dishonest bone in his body. I still wasn't quite sure how I felt about it though, especially when I caught him casting furtive glances at her out of the corner of his eyes from time to time.

"He's alright." I shrugged, trying to keep my tone casual.

"Just has a little bit of a crush on Katniss which I'll admit, I'm not too excited about." I said raising my eyebrows and glancing over at Zale who was doing well mixing the butter, sugar and cinnamon to go in the buns.

I groaned when he refused to meet my eyes and his ears and cheeks flamed red with embarrassment.

"Well…I can't say I blame him there…" he mumbled and I shook my head and thought for the millionth time since I'd known Katniss how she truly had no idea the effect she had on people.

I tossed a small piece of dough his way and Zale's cheeks grew redder yet as he finally turned to look at me when the marble-sized ball bounced off the side of his head.

"W—well…she _is _really pretty…" he said rubbing the back of his neck nervously. Honestly, I couldn't blame either of the love-struck young men for their feelings for Katniss when my own unrequited love for her had begun before I could walk across a street without holding an adult's hand.

"Yeah, thanks, I've noticed." I laughed softly as I laid out bagel-sized clumps of dough on a large tray and started to work them into the right shape.

I watched Zale silently go back to his work for a few minutes, trying to decide if he was giving me the opportunity to delve into the promised discussion about girls and anything else he might not have wanted to talk to his mother about. When he cut his eyes at me for the fifth time in 5 minutes, I decided that was exactly what he was waiting for.

"So…" I began and focused on the second tray of bagels I had started while Zale rolled the strips of dough with the cinnamon mixture inside of it like Katniss had showed him last time he was in District 12 for our wedding reception. "…have your eye on any girls closer to your age and geographic location than my wife?"

The boy knew I was joking and Zale placed his second well-rolled cinnamon bun on his own tray with a puff of his cheeks.

"Sure...yeah…you know, just…all of them." He sighed and I placed the two trays of bagels in one level of the large oven and took Zale's first tray of buns and placed them on another before turning back to him.

I chuckled as I vaguely remembered saying something similar to Katniss during our time in the cave in the first Games and nodded.

"Yeah, I remember that feeling. It went from about the age of nine until…well, it still hasn't really worn off just yet…" I winked and Zale rolled his eyes and ducked his head as he went back to rolling dough.

I leaned against the counter next to him and nudged him with my elbow.

"Seriously, kid." I said bending forward a little to catch his eye and Zale placed the last bun on the tray so that I could place it in the oven with the others.

"Did you wanna ask me anything?" I said and placed the tray in the oven and checked the others quickly before I turned my full attention back to Zale.

He was looking at me with big eyes as he leaned back against the counter beside me and we both found a point on the opposite wall to stare at. My focus object was a large whisk but I couldn't quite tell what Zale's was since I was only looking at him out of the corner of my eye as we spoke.

"Like what?" Zale asked clearing his throat and I could hear the nervous lilt to his voice so I turned to him, giving him my full attention. I had made promises to Annie personally and Finnick in my heart that I would be there for their son when he needed me; that I would do anything for him.

"Like about girls, or how you're feeling…or just anything that you might not feel comfortable talking to your mom about because _she's _a girl." I explained and Zale turned his head to look at me for a beat and then went to sit on one of the stools by the decorating table. He picked up a piping bag and turned it over in his hands a few times until I came to sit beside him and folded my hands on the table in front of me.

"So…is it…weird how much I think about girls? Cause I think about them all the time…like…_all _the time." He said widening his eyes as he rolled the piping bag nervously with one hand.

I smiled and reached over to still his hand and the nervous fiddling with the bag ended as he finally looked up at me for a straight answer.

"No way, it's completely normal to be thinking about girls at your age. Hell, I was a little younger than you when I started to have…different feelings for them than I ever had before." I admitted and Zale narrowed his eyes and shifted in his seat a little.

"Different how?" he asked and I could tell his curiosity had been piqued so I continued.

I wasn't sure exactly how much to say so I let Zale's questions guide my answers, only giving as much information as he asked for, no more, no less.

"You know, like thinking about…how it would feel to touch them…what kissing them would be like…what they look like under their clothes…" I said searching my memory for the things I had wondered about the opposite sex at Zale's age.

His head turned up toward me and he looked me in the eye, nodding excitedly and smiling now that he'd discovered a link between himself, a boy, and me, who had once been a boy and had the same thoughts as him.

I tried not to smile too much since whatever information I was about to give him was likely to form the basis for his emerging sexuality, but I just couldn't contain my happiness at seeing Zale so relieved that he wasn't odd or different than any other boy his age.

We both laughed softly and I reached out to muss his hair playfully, once again unable to keep my thoughts from straying to another time, in the future, having a similar discussion with my own son as he teetered on the delicate boundary between boy and man.

"So what do they look like under their clothes?" Zale asked leaning forward eagerly and I chuckled and shook my head.

Calen wasn't due in for another 45 minutes so Zale and I passed that time talking together as we baked. True to the promise I made to myself at the beginning of the conversation, I told Zale only what he asked and no more.

He asked why his body responded the way it did when he had those thoughts about girls and why it was impossible to make it stop responding that way without touching himself. This of course meant I had to explain the biology of sex and how both men and women have similar reactions to those thoughts in order to make their bodies ready for sex so that they can make a baby.

Once our second batches of baked goods were finished in the oven we found ourselves back on stools as we shared a plate of large, flaky Danishes. Calmed by my steady eye contact and easy way of explaining all of this to him, Zale finally asked me to explain just exactly what sex was. When I had finished explaining the mechanics, Zale sat for a long time just staring at me like I'd completely lost my mind.

"Yeah, I know…pretty crazy right?" I asked with a shrug and Zale nodded slowly as if he still wasn't sure I was being entirely truthful about this strange process of lying close together with no clothing on so that the proper parts lined up and joined together. In fact, he told me he wasn't so sure about all that yet and that part still sounded kind of gross to him.

"That's good…good…it should still sound kind of gross to you right now. And I guess, when it doesn't sound gross anymore…that means you're ready to share it with someone you really love." I said with a smile and Zale nodded slightly but still looked skeptical.

"Okay…well, for now I think I'll just keep using the yank rag…" he said so seriously that I chuckled.

"Sounds like a plan…" I said and then leaned toward him while still sitting on my stool. "Just don't tell Katniss or your mom that I called it that in front of you and we'll be cool."

I winked and Zale chuckled as he brought another bite of his Danish to his mouth and nodded.

"And….maybe cut down on doing that 3 or 4 times a day to like…once or twice…" I said and put him in a headlock when he grimaced shyly.

"Maybe find a hobby or something…" I teased and Zale used both hands to push me roughly away from him with a laugh, almost knocking me off balance on my stool.

I stood and went to the sink to wash my hands before we would start adding the pastries to the display case out on the main floor of the bakery. After a few moments Zale came up alongside of me to wash his own hands at the large double sink and looked like he wanted to say something more.

"What's up?" I asked casually as I worked loose the little bits of ingredients caked under my fingernails and Zale shrugged just as casually.

"Well…I was just thinking that well…you and Katniss probably do that kinda stuff, right?" He asked and I nodded and tried not to smile as his ears reddened at the thought of Katniss and I doing the things I had just described to him.

"Right…" I said not sure if I wanted to know where this particular conversation was going but not wanting to turn Zale down after he'd opened up so much to me that morning already. I was actually pleasantly surprised by how easy the discussion had flowed and hoped that this wouldn't be the moment everything went south.

"So…then how come you don't have any kids?" He asked looking up at me with such unguarded innocence that I had to look away from him even as I smiled sadly and reached for a towel to dry my hands.

I don't know why I didn't think that would be his next logical question except to say that I was coming at the discussion from an adult perspective where Zale was coming from the perspective of a child who, before our little talk, had probably only been informed to the point that he knew babies somehow came from this sex thing.

"That's a little bit more complicated…" I said with a small smirk and Zale's eyes widened as he dried his own hands and looked up at me open mouthed.

"More complicated than sex?" He asked in awe and I laughed at the way what he said sounded to my adult ears.

I wasn't sure how to explain Katniss' fears about having children to Zale without scaring him with tales from a past he had very little connection to.

"Way more complicated than sex." I said as we carried trays out to the front of the store just as Calen was walking in to begin his work day.

"Morning, Boss." He said with a careful smile and then grinned when he saw Zale just behind me carrying an almost overflowing tray.

Ever since his statement about never leaving the house if he was married to Katniss, I had been keeping a closer eye on Calen and he definitely sensed the change in my demeanor. He'd been very careful around me ever since and tried his best not to interact much with Katniss. This far out from the incident, I didn't really care so much anymore but it was still fun to make Calen squirm so I kept up with the stern act to some degree in order to keep him in line and a little bit because it was a hell of a lot of fun for me.

"Calen." I said nodding to him as he entered the back from the other end of the counter from the one I was standing in front of and took the tray Zale was holding when he noticed the little guy was having some trouble maneuvering it.

"Hey! How ya doing, kid? You like waking up early for bakery work?" He asked and Zale shook his head no which made Calen laugh.

We spent the morning baking and when we stopped for lunch, I made sure I fed Zale something healthy so that Katniss wouldn't give me crap when we got home for dinner. I'd already let him eat too much junk in the morning so I balanced it out by feeding him a big leafy salad with grilled chicken on top for lunch.

I noticed by early afternoon that Zale was exhausted so I put him at the register for the rest of the day. We left Calen to close up for the day and were back in the car by 3:30. I wondered if Zale would bring up the question of why Katniss and I had no children again but when I looked in the rearview mirror when we were halfway home, the image reflected back to me was that of a copper-headed kid with his eyes closed and his mouth wide open in slumber.

When we reached the house, I gently roused Zale in the backseat and he dragged himself out of the back with the same groan I heard when I woke him up this morning.

"Come on, Dough Boy, you can head right up to your room and sleep until dinner if you'd like." I said brushing a dusting of flour off of his cheek and guiding him toward the front steps.

"Mmm-hmm," Zale mumbled, barely opening his eyes as we went in the front door.

I laughed as I guided him up the steps to the second floor. I called out to Katniss who didn't respond so I assumed she was still out at the cabin or in the woods hunting.

I needed a shower so I pushed Zale through the door to his room, drew the curtains so that it was dark enough for him to sleep for a while, and laughed softly when he dropped to the mattress on top of the sheets and rolled to his side.

"Hey, Peeta…" He whispered sleepily and I turned at the door to see what he needed. Zale was smiling shyly at me as he pulled one of the pillows under his head and yawned loudly.

"Yeah, buddy what is it?" I asked quietly and Zale shrugged slightly and pushed his bangs out of his eyes before he responded.

"Thanks…for talking to me this morning, I mean." He said with a nod and lifted his head from the pillow when I said you're welcome and started to shut the door.

"Peeta?" He said again and I smiled softly as I opened the door wider and looked in at him again.

"Yeah buddy?" I said patiently and Zale stared at me for a long time as if he was trying to decide whether to say what was on his mind or not.

"I don't know why you and Katniss don't have kids…but I just wanted to tell you that I think you'd make a really cool dad." He said quietly and I had to fight the sudden tidal wave of emotions his words stirred up in me.

I ran my tongue along both my top and bottom teeth as I looked at the floor and tried to force some words past my tightening throat.

"Thanks, Zale. That means a lot to me to hear you say that." I whispered.

Hearing him say such a wonderful thing that had obviously come from his heart truly did mean a great deal to me. It gave me the motivation to not give up on my hope of one day having a family of my own with Katniss.

"You're welcome." Zale said smiling at me proudly before he dropped his head to the pillow and turned on his side facing the windows to try and sleep.

I closed his door gently and stood in the hallway for a minute or two to try and settle my emotions before I could go to my room to shower. It was while standing in the hall outside of mine and Katniss' bedroom door that I sensed movement on the other side and froze. I thought at first that it might be the kitten but when I heard the bed creak softly, I knew it had to be Katniss.

"Kat?" I whispered knocking softly on the door and waiting a moment to see if she responded. When she didn't, I reached for the knob and gently turned it, happy to find that it hadn't been locked from the other side.

When I stuck just my head in first, my mood changed quickly from being blissfully happy about what Zale had just said to me, to grief stricken when I found Katniss in the fetal position in the middle of our bed. Her eyes were wide and vacant as she stared at the empty space between the bed and the wall blankly.

"Oh, sweetie…" I said feeling tears beginning to choke me and a sense of panic settled into the pit of my stomach as I hurried to the bed and scooped Katniss up in my arms.

She was trembling slightly and every muscle in her body felt tight and rigid like she'd been in the same position for quite some time.

I hissed a few choice curse words under my breath when it occurred to me that she may have been in that position since the morning, perhaps even since Zale and I left for the bakery.

"Come on, Katniss. Come back to me, Baby. Come back to me…stay with me." I murmured right beside her ear as I continued to rock her in my arms.

The tears began coursing down my cheeks when there was no '_Always'_ whispered back in response to my begging her to stay with me. I pulled her closer into my arms and rocked her back and forth, determined not to leave her side until she was released from whatever nightmare had obviously caused this breakdown.

"Peeta…" She finally whispered hoarsely after I'd been holding her for more than an hour.

It'd been quite some time since I had seen her in this bad of shape and I hoped it was only because she was left alone most of the day without anyone to pull her out of it. I was silently cursing Haymitch and whatever hangover had kept him from stopping in for lunch where he may have found her sooner when her weak voice said my name and cut my quiet rage for our mentor's vice short before I could have a full blown mental tantrum.

"Yeah baby, I'm right here…Peeta's right here. Are you okay?" I asked trying to stay calm as I pulled back a little to look down into her eyes.

"We can't…" She said quietly and her voice broke on the 't' as I watched tears welling in her own eyes.

"We can't." she said again and I stroked her hair back from her face and looked into her eyes more intensely.

"Can't what, Katniss? What can't we do?" I asked desperately wanting to help her.

"We can't have kids….we can't….we just can't….can't do it…." She stammered and I didn't respond.

How could I after the day I'd spent with Zale? After hearing him tell me what a good dad he thought I would make? A large cloud must have passed overhead because the room suddenly became darker, casting a shadow on the room that made the emotional shadow that had fallen over our room seem even darker still.

"Can't…can't do it…" She continued to mumble more to herself than to me and I just held her and rocked her still as I waited for the cloud of horrors in her mind to pass and allow the sun through again.


	42. Chapter 34 Part I

**author's note: Soo...this was supposed to be one whole chapter but because the conversation that follows what I am now posting as Chapter 34 is pretty involved and lengthy, I decided (with the helpful prodding of my bestest friend/beta-who-hates-when-I-don't-warn-her-about- chapters-with-sex-scenes-that-she-may-or-may-not-b e-beataing-at-work!) to chop it in half and you will get half tonight and the other half this weekend or Monday at the latest. Enjoy! And as always, reviews are great and I respond to all of them as long as you are signed in! (Which sucks because I have gotten some really nice reviews from guests too!) **

Chapter 34 Part I

_Well, I won't give up on us  
Even if the skies get rough  
I'm giving you all my love  
I'm still looking up_

"I Won't Give Up" –Jason Mraz

It was an hour before Katniss lost the wild, desperate look in her eyes and an additional 45 minutes until the tremble that had been coursing through her body finally ceased. I was thankful that Zale was asleep because I didn't know how I would have been able to deal with both of them at the same time.

Just as I was appreciating that detail, I got a flash of a future where Katniss and I _did _have children. In my vision I was standing in the upstairs hallway, my head swinging back and forth between our bedroom door where Katniss lay in much the same condition as she was that afternoon and the room across the hall where I could hear a baby, _our_ baby, crying scared and alone.

I pushed down the awful vision of having to choose between my wife and that crying child when Katniss sat up from my arms suddenly and asked where Zale was.

"He was exhausted when we got home so I sent him to bed until dinner." I said quietly and Katniss looked at the clock before digging the heels of her hands into her eyes with a groan.

I could tell that she was already rebuilding that protective wall around her heart. The one that had signs hung on it that read 'no entrance' and 'trespassers will be shot on sight'.

"Well, we better get dinner ready then. It's just about time and you know that kid can eat his body weight in food so we…"

I cut her off by grabbing her at the crook of one elbow.

"Katniss…." I said sternly and she shook her head and looked into my eyes shamefully.

"Not now, Peet…I can't talk about it right now but I will. Later." She promised and I slowly relaxed my grip on her arm before pulling her close and hugging her tightly to my chest. I breathed in the familiar scent of her shampoo from the day before and stroked one hand over the back of her head to smooth out her tangled hair.

The way her breath hitched and her arms came up around my neck tightly told me that she was barely holding on so I didn't press the issue. I decided the discussion could wait at least until Zale was in bed for the night but no longer.

If there was one thing I'd learned about Katniss in all our years together it was that she could over think an issue until it lay bloody and beaten at her feet begging for a quick death. The faster we dealt with whatever nightmare had led to her insistence that we not have children after telling me years ago that she would never again say 'never' to the idea, the better. As her husband, I had an idea of what the nightmare had been since she'd been having variations of the same one for as long as we'd been sharing that bed, and I glanced toward my bedside table where the item I thought might be a solution lay.

"Sure, we'll talk tonight." I whispered and pulled back to look down into her tired eyes.

"You wanna sleep a little until dinner? I can handle it myself." I offered and she shook her head, leaning in close to me again.

"No, no…I'll go with you." Katniss said quickly and then climbed off of the bed.

"I should probably get out of this room a little today. It might help." She mumbled and I got the distinct feeling her reasons for leaving the room were less about being productive and more about not wanting to be alone.

"Sure." I said with a smile that didn't quite reach my eyes.

"While I cook I'll tell you, with as little graphic detail as possible that is, about the great Peeta Mellark sexual growth and development lesson I gave Zale." I said trying to lighten the mood.

Katniss raised her eyebrows and I smirked back in answer as I climbed off of the bed and followed her to the bathroom door.

"So he _did _want to talk to you?" She whispered as she set a clean pair of pajamas down on the sink and pushed the door only slightly closed so that we could continue our conversation while she changed.

Following Katniss's lead, I went to my dresser and pulled out a pair of long khaki shorts and a clean t-shirt so I could change out of the sweaty spice and flour covered clothes I had worn to work that day.

"Yeah, he did. We had a really nice talk and I set some things straight for him that he was confused about." I said changing my clothes and throwing my dirty things in the hamper by the bathroom door just as Katniss was coming out.

Aside from changing clothes, she had brushed her hair and washed her face which made her look a little less haggard than when I had first found her huddled among the bed sheets.

"So…he did want to know about…" She grimaced and I laughed slightly at the fact that she couldn't even finish the sentence she was trying to say.

"Yes, Katniss, he wanted to know about sex which makes him a normal adolescent boy." I said softly and pulled her into my arms for another hug, unable to get enough of touching her after how I had found her a few hours earlier.

"I'm just glad he was comfortable enough to ask me rather than trying to figure things out for himself or, help us all, asking other kids his age." I murmured against the top of her head.

Katniss pulled back slightly but held onto my hand as we slipped out the bedroom door and headed downstairs together quietly to start dinner.

"Yeah, me too." Katniss nodded and went about setting the table for dinner while I start boiling water for pasta.

Knowing how sad Katniss was about Zale coming of age, I figured that I could at least tell her _one_ detail from the conversation that might make her laugh as well as ensure that she still had a few years left to think of him as a little boy like she wanted to.

"And you'll be happy to know that when I described the nitty gritty details of sex to him he was pretty grossed out and decided that's not for him right now," I said, while taking a now thawed left over container of sauce and meatballs from the last time we had spaghetti out of the fridge.

I grinned as Katniss's eyes widened.

"You told him _exactly _how sex works?" She asked sounding a little shocked and I took the sauce and meatballs to the stove and put them in a pot to reheat. I shrugged as I took a quick peek into the pot for the spaghetti to check if the water was boiling yet.

"He asked me, Kat. I wasn't going to lie to the kid or make it something dirty that he'd think he should be ashamed of." I said defensively and moved to the table to finish helping her set the dishes out.

She looked skeptical but nodded slightly as we heard the bedroom door upstairs opening and then the sound of the bathroom door opening and closing.

"Just in time," I smiled and placed the hard spaghetti noodles into the pot of boiling water and turned down the pot of sauce and meatballs to let them simmer until Zale came down.

He appeared a minute later and Katniss and I both smiled at him so that he wouldn't suspect anything about the breakdown she'd had earlier. True to form, Katniss bravely walked over to Zale as he entered the kitchen and hugged him tightly.

"Hey! So how did you do at work today? Pretty tiring, spending a whole day there, huh?" She teased and Zale nodded as he made a beeline for the stove and lifted the lids to see what was cooking.

"I'm sooooo hungry!" He said sighing and closing his eyes as he took a deep breath of the cooking meat in the sauce.

I smiled at Katniss and rolled my eyes as Zale took another whiff. Another thing I remembered about being a young kid going through what seemed like one growth spurt after another was how consistently hungry I was at every hour of the day.

"Hey! Stop breathing all over my dinner, Kid," I scolded and took the lids from his hands and used one to shoo him over to the table.

Zale laughed and smiled up at me with a different kind of affection I'd ever seen from him before he scurried over to the table and sat down. Katniss, who rarely missed a thing, glanced between the two of us with a secret smile of her own.

"Hey, Zale," She said opening the oven up and pulling out a large loaf of bread wrapped in foil with an oven mitt and held it up as she walked over to the table.

"Have you ever had garlic bread before?" She asked waving it under his nose enticingly and I could almost see his mouth watering at the smell coming from the foil.

Once again, Zale impressed us with his ability to pack a large quantity of food into a relatively slender little body. It was actually the most I'd seen him eat all week and Katniss had to tell him to slow down no less than 3 times over the course of the meal as he told her about his day at the bakery with Calen and myself.

When we finished, Zale volunteered to clean up from dinner and Katniss and I headed into the living room to relax on the couch. Despite anything we were feeling following Katniss's episode that afternoon, we still enjoyed cuddling up together after a long day and just holding each other. I was amused to see Zale less squirmy about Katniss and I being affectionate as he entered the living room and jumped over the back of the couch right on top of us.

"Hey!" I bellowed reaching around Katniss to grab onto Zale, wrestling him off of us so that he fell sideways off the couch and landed with a thump on the floor beside it.

"We were going to let you choose a movie to watch since you cleaned up from dinner, but now I don't know…" I teased and Zale sat up with a grin before he grabbed the sleek silver viewing box that housed the movie selections. As he watched the choices flash before his face in a whirlwind of color, he climbed back up to lay at the other end of the couch from where Katniss and I were.

"No, no! I'll be good!" He chuckled and folded an arm behind his head as he relaxed back into the cushions.

Looking around, I took in the relaxed scene of the three of us resting at the end of a long day and it warmed my heart. Even after Katniss'ss earlier frantic declaration that we couldn't ever have children, with my wife in my arms and a boy stretched out with his feet overlapping mine comfortably on the couch, I couldn't help myself picturing a child of my own in Zale's place.

I'd survived the Hunger Games, my hijacking, and the war. I'd accomplished the goals I wanted to professionally by putting my family's business back together. I painted in my free time and was married to the only girl I'd ever loved.

But still, there was something missing. I decided right then and there that if I was to have any chance at the family I so desperately wanted with Katniss, then I was going to have to fight for them. It had been 5, then 10, then 15 years of cautiously broaching the subject and I decided that, after all I had been through during that time, I deserved this one selfish wish to be fulfilled.

I didn't realize that both Katniss and Zale were staring at me, waiting for a response to a question I had been too zoned out to hear, until Katniss said my name again.

"What? Huh?" I asked and Zale chuckled and nudged one of my feet with both of his own.

"I asked if you were okay with this movie?" He asked raising his eyebrows toward the projection.

"Maybe you should have taken a nap after work too." He teased and I nudged his feet with mine. With a smile, I told him to turn up the volume and we all settled in to watch.

Zale, who had gotten his second wind following his afternoon nap, made it through the whole movie and asked if he could stay up for a bit and continue to watch T.V. quietly downstairs for a while.

"Sure, just don't stay up too late." I said.

Katniss got up first and went about closing the first floor down for the night and came back to the couch to lean over and kiss Zale on the forehead.

"Not too late." She said echoing me and Zale smiled. "You go hunting with me tomorrow and that's a pretty early wakeup call too."

She winked and Zale nodded and promised to go to bed as soon as he got tired.

We both watched Katniss head up the steps and I turned back to Zale as the kitten appeared and jumped up onto the couch with him. As the kitten settled itself on his chest and kneaded Zale over top of the t-shirt he was wearing, he smiled in that gentle way that always pulled at my heartstrings because of how much he looked like Finnick.

"Alright, well don't you two get into too much trouble down here alright? Go to bed when you're tired." I said and patted his head lightly as he petted the kitten's back and it purred happily.

Zale nodded and then glanced at the stairs where Katniss had just gone up to bed.

"I will." He promised and then grinned.

"Think you guys'll _do it_ tonight?" He asked in a loud whisper and I couldn't stop the surprised laugh that popped out of my mouth if I tried. I decided the next discussion we'd have to have when I took him to work with me again that week would have to be about when it was and wasn't appropriate to discuss sex.

"Uhh…no, probably not." I answered honestly, looking up the stairs myself. "We have some things we need to talk about."

Zale looked back down at the kitten still snuggled into his chest and shrugged.

"And anyway, you know, girls like the whole talking thing just as much as us guys like the other stuff…" I winked. "It's important to keep a good balance."

Zale blushed slightly and I knew even without him having to say it that having to talk to girls was the least of his worries with all the other changes he had going on.

Leaning forward, I touched the side of the projection machine and lowered the volume slightly.

"Goodnight, kid." I whispered and turned the lights off on my way out of the room but left the stairway light on so that Zale could find his way up to bed later.

"Night, Peeta." He called after me quietly as I headed up the steps and into mine and Katniss's bedroom.

Katniss was already in bed, sitting up with her knees pulled to her chest under the covers and an expectant look on her face as she waited for me to come to bed so we could talk about her episode. She had changed again from the pajamas she had on around Zale into a simple nightgown with thin straps and a neckline that dipped low, revealing the valley between her breasts. She looked young and carefree, a stark contrast to the dark thoughts I knew to be chasing each other around and around in her mind.

I didn't say anything at first, just smiled appreciatively to thank her for waiting up for me so that we could talk and then went to the bathroom to pee and brush my teeth, going over in my head what I was going to say. It was almost too warm for nightwear so I just left my boxers on as I pulled off the rest of my clothes tiredly and left them on the floor. I glanced down at the discarded clothes, reminding myself to take care of them before the morning lest I cause Katniss to trip and fall into the shower curtain during her 3 a.m. pee. Before I left the bathroom, I stood in front of the mirror over the sink and stared at my reflection, trying to pump myself up for the discussion we were about to have.

I stared at myself in the mirror, at the burn scars that criss-crossed my body, the artificial leg, the tiredness in my eyes that wouldn't likely ever leave me completely after all I'd been through. I looked at each one in detail, running my fingers over the lines and ridges of my scars, the crease where my real leg ended and the false one began. I even touched the lines around my eyes that told the story of every horrible moment of my hijacking and the episodes that have plagued me ever since. Despite all of that, I still looked young which I found pretty impressive since I was set to turn 30 less than 2 weeks.

All of these atrocities I'd suffered and lived through, every scar, a missing limb, a broken mind were like different chapters of a story that, I decided, entitled me to a happy ending.

It was no secret that during and after the Games I was widely seen as the weaker of the star-crossed lovers from District 12, but that was nearly 14 years earlier. I had old scars and new wrinkles but what it boiled down to was that I'd spent so many years being patient and understanding with Katniss because I was so afraid of scaring her off and losing her forever, that I had accidentally begun to lose myself and the man I had always wanted to be.

Despite everything wrong about my childhood, the one thing that had always been good and right and reliable in my life had been my father. In the recipe of our family, my father was like… the eggs. In baking, the eggs act as a binder, holding together all of the other ingredients in the mix. They are needed in almost everything a bakery sells and even if you can't always taste them in the delicious pastries, cakes, and cookies filled with stronger more delectable flavors, the eggs are always in there holding things together.

From the time I began baking with him, that was always the way I thought of my father, especially since he typically wore white jeans and an undershirt beneath his white apron and topped it off with a white scarf to hold back the wavy blonde hair that my brothers and I had all inherited from him. That was my father, the egg; plain as could be, but much stronger and more important than he projected himself to be to the people of District 12.

I was my father's son and I wanted to be that man to a family of my own for as long as I could remember. And for almost just as long, I had wanted that family with Katniss Everdeen.

I stared at my reflection hard, giving myself a look that said 'G_row a set, Mellark'_ with the appropriate amount of force behind it and then turned to open the bathroom door.

**To be continued in Chapter 34 part II. **


	43. Chapter 34 Part II

**author's note: As promised, here is the second part of Chapter 34! It ended up being a little longer than expected so it's probably for the best that it was split in two! Thank you so much for the wonderful, wonderful reviews. I read and respond to as many as possible and sometimes you get a little hint or two as to what's coming up when I do! So please keep letting me know how you feel about the direction the story is taking. It helps me a lot to know what you are and are not likinging in the story! **

**Enjoy! oh and there is some lemon-y content ahead ;) **

_Let me in the wall  
You've built around  
We can light a match  
And burn it down  
Let me hold your hand  
And dance 'round and 'round the flames  
In front of us  
Dust to dust_

"Dust to Dust" – The Civil Wars

Chapter 34 Part II

When I saw Katniss in the same position she'd been in when I first entered the bedroom, only looking somehow smaller and more vulnerable since I returned, my resolve wavered but just for a moment.

"I'm betting we'll probably find him in the morning passed out down there with the cat asleep on his face." I said after clearing my throat and moved to sit down on my side of the bed where I removed my prosthetic.

I could hear the smile in Katniss voice when she replied, "I'll take that bet."

I stayed where I was, sitting on the edge of the mattress with my back to her, but turned my head just enough that I could see the fuzzy outline of Katniss, She was still leaning back against the pillows with her knees pulled up under her chin.

I took a steadying breath and sat patiently, like a child with a net stalking a beautiful butterfly through a garden; waiting for just the right moment to pounce so that we could continue our discussion from earlier.

"It was the Prim nightmare." She admitted quietly after a time, turning her head to lay her cheek against her knees. Reliving Prim's death in her nightmares was the most frequent symptom of Katniss's post-traumatic stress and the one that always wounded her most deeply.

I nodded slowly but didn't say anything just yet. I knew, based on how frequently I held and calmed her after that particular nightmare, that it couldn't have been the only thing that led to her breakdown. I did however glance once more at my bedside drawer and thought about the potential solution to our problem it held.

"But while the parachutes were exploding and fire was raining down, Prim…turned into Zale." I sensed there was still even more so I stayed quiet and let her continue.

"….and then from Zale…he turned…" I could almost physically feel the shift in the bed as her whole body tensed in preparation for what she was about to say. "…into the little boy I always picture when I think of what our child might look like."

She rushed the rest of her sentence out and this confession is what finally caused me to turn on the bed. I crossed my good right leg under the thigh that was all that remained of my left as I faced Katniss.

"You…uh…you picture what our children would look like?" I asked and couldn't help the astonishment with which I uttered the question.

I barely let myself believe that having children ever even crossed Katniss's mind from time to time, so it was quite a shock to hear that she had done so often enough that there was an image in her head of what one of those children might look like.

I was even more surprised when she raised her head and glared at me, like she was deeply offended.

"Of course I do, Peeta. Just because I was…always a little scared or unsure didn't mean that I _never_ felt the yearning to make a baby with the man I love." She snapped and I suddenly felt sheepish but tried to keep it off my face since I was trying to keep the upper hand in this discussion.

"Well…how the_ hell_ would I know that, Kat?" I hissed, trying to be mindful of Zale who was just down the stairs in the living room.

"How would I know that when we never, _ever_ talk about it?" I demanded waving my hands in the air in exasperation and then it was Katniss's turn to look sheepish.

She shifted uncomfortably again and looked down at her fingers which were worrying a corner of our light blue top sheet. I could see in those slate gray eyes that her fight or flight instincts were battling each other for control. I took a few deep breaths to calm myself, knowing that doing so would be best for getting Katniss to continue finally opening up to me about what was holding her back from becoming a mother after all this time.

"I'm sorry about what I said when I woke up…I was just….confused and scared." She said and reached out to hold my hand on my knee where it was resting.

"I told you a long time ago that I wouldn't say never to children ever again and I broke that promise this afternoon," She mumbled biting her bottom lip and looking briefly into my eyes before she cast them back down to our joined hands. "I'm sorry."

I slowly nodded and turned our hands over against my leg so that I could tenderly run my thumb over the back of her hand.

"I know you are. I can see it in your face." I assured her and I felt Katniss relax slightly when she realized I believed what she was saying.

Following my hijacking, it wasn't unusual for me to question even the simplest of things that Katniss said. So for me to believe that she was truly sorry about such a large misstep in trust showed just how far I had come since those first sad and confusing years when we began trying to put ourselves and each other back together.

"It's just that I love you so much." She went on quietly with a little more strength in her voice since she realized I believed her. "In some ways more than I loved my own blood relatives and that's something I'm still kind of getting used to."

Katniss paused a moment to roll her eyes at herself and I had to fight a grin of my own as I realized even _she _knew how silly that sounded after so many years.

"Which I know is ridiculous since we've been together for so long…" She was beginning to ramble so I smiled softy to let her know that I understood. How could I not? The sun had risen and set on this girl for me since the day I watched her climb bravely onto a chair and sing to an auditorium full of children on our first day of school.

"…but I know it's true. I know that what I feel for you is real because I've never felt anything like it before and sometimes it's so strong that it feels like my heart might explode out of my chest." She whispered and I felt goose bumps spread over my skin like that love she was speaking of was the warmest, coziest blanket I'd ever been wrapped in. She made me feel cherished like no one else had, not even my father.

I wondered briefly if there would ever be a time when I reached the bottom of the deep ocean that contained all the love I had for this woman because when she said things like this, I felt as if I hadn't even felt half the true depth of how much I could love her. Just watching her sleep gave me a feeling similar to one I felt often as a child in the last 3 seconds before the door to the school yard was opened and we were released out into the sunshine to play briefly following our lunch period. It made me want to throw my arms over my head and run screaming joyfully into the unknown. It made me feel free in a way I never could when I was locked behind a door with the red X on the knob, but it was the feeling I held onto desperately with white knuckles when I was.

"It's…it's like my heart is the lake and how I feel about you is the water inside it." She said and then shook her head and looked from side to side around our room as if searching for the right words to explain the metaphor. "…but not on one of those hot summer days when haven't had rain in weeks…it…it's like the lake in the spring when it rains so much that the water floods over the banks and into the forest." She said waving her hands in front of her as if searching for a more eloquent way to express her feelings to me.

Having always been good with words, I found it absolutely adorable and completely endearing to listen to my hunter, my wife, trying to fit these feelings into a format that was old and familiar to her so that she could better understand them herself. Listening to her compare her feelings for me to the one completely private and treasured place she had shared with the first beloved man in her life, her father, threatened to send my_ already_ immense love for her bubbling over the rim of my heart.

As this wave of feelings washed over me, I couldn't help reaching out to hook one arm under her legs and the other around her waist, lifting her onto my lap in the middle of the bed.

"That was nice to hear." I murmured against her left ear as she snuggled deep into my arms like she couldn't get close enough to me for her liking. I chuckled softly and reached up with one hand to brush her hair out of her eyes, stroking my fingers through the silky strands.

"So why the worry about a baby, huh?" I asked gently and lowered my chin so that I was able to look down into her eyes.

"We love each other, we have a great, quiet life here…minus the occasional drunken, profanity laden rant from Haymitch…" I teased and Katniss snorted a laugh against my chest. "We want for nothing, we eat 3 meals a day and we never have to worry about a child's name going into the reaping ball. Ever."

"So again, Katniss," I said pulling back to look down into her eyes as I used one finger to tilt her chin up. "What's still holding you back?"

"I don't know…" She sighed and sat up a little in my arms.

"I guess I just worry that with how much I already love you…that maybe I won't have enough room left in my heart for children…" She whispered as if it were some horrible secret that should never be uttered aloud.

I gripped her chin at its point between 3 fingers a little harder and shook my head.

"Damnit, Katniss!" I growled and glared into her suddenly wide, frightened eyes. "How do you still not see it that you…you have _so much_ room in your heart for those children?"

"When are you going to realize that it's because you have one of the biggest hearts of anyone I've ever known that I know? You started taking care of your mother and sister at 11 years old; you volunteered for Prim in the reaping; you kept me alive in the Games. You felt the pain of every kid you saw die in the arena, even the ones you killed yourself." I said emphatically as I continued to hold her chin so that she couldn't look away from me.

I could tell that she was ashamed but also that she still didn't see in herself what I and so many others, shit, a whole _country_ had seen, from that first brave act of love when she took her little sister's place at the reaping. How could she for a second believe that she wouldn't love our children just as fiercely and protectively?

"Because I've tried to understand, baby, I have." I said more softly. "I've thought long and hard trying to figure out what could still possibly have you so scared about having a child and there's only one thing that I can come up with. Only one thing that my brave girl has ever been afraid of," I whispered and held Katniss's gaze for a long time.

By the way she was staring steadily back at me, I had a feeling Katniss already knew what I was going to say. Instead of saying it, I continued to hold her close with one arm and with the other leaned over and reached into my bedside table.

I carefully pulled out a flat sheet of paper like the ones from our original memory book. Actually, it _was _one of the pages from our memory book.

Written, copied, bound and sold with a promise from the government that all proceeds from the sales would go to the families of those who died fighting on both sides of the rebellion, our memory book had been an enormous hit in Panem. It sold so many copies that at one time it was estimated that every home in the country had at least 2 copies on their bookshelves, if not more.

Before it was published though, Katniss and I had a pretty loud go around about whether to include Prim in the book. We had added all of the friends, family, fellow soldiers and past victors and tributes from the Games that we could think of in the book, but Katniss had steadfastly refused to add Prim's pages.

It was as if memorializing her in that book meant to Katniss that she finally had to accept the full sorrow and blame that she assigned herself with for having lost the person whose life she had essentially traded her own for when she took her place in the Hunger Games. To her, it seemed to mean that the spark that ignited with that handful of berries had lit the fire that killed the person she had loved most in the world.

I supposed that in Katniss's mind, if she couldn't protect Prim, even doing everything she assumed was right to ensure her safety, then how could she possibly keep safe the new and helpless life of a child?

I placed the overturned page in Katniss's lap and she took a deep breath before she flipped it over. On the other side was a sketch of Prim with her face pressed up against the bakery window like I had seen her time and time again when Katniss would indulgently stop to let her admire the cakes, most of which I had iced myself. She looked so happy despite a life without her father and with a broken-hearted mother and I felt a suddenly desperate need for Katniss to know why.

"Do you see that smile?" I asked as Katniss ran her fingers over Prim's braids in the picture as if they were real. She nodded slowly, like she was in some sort of trance and I saw just one tear race down the left side of her face before I went on.

"That smile is there because of you, Katniss." I whispered and nodded toward the picture in her lap. "Let's face it; you lived in pretty deplorable conditions in the Seam, you were half-starved most of the time, had a dead father that she probably barely even could remember and a mother who, for a time, could barely care for herself much less you and Prim. But in spite of all of that, you worked tirelessly to keep the three of you fed, bought a half-dead little goat as a birthday present because you loved Prim so much, despite what you might say about this master plan you had for selling the goat's milk and cheese, and you were fully prepared without a moment's hesitation to die in her place."

Katniss reached up to quietly wipe the tears from her eyes and I pulled her closer in my arms.

"You may have loved Prim more than anything, Kat, but I don't think you even realize how much Prim loved you." I said and reached out to lift the picture from her lap, shaking it once gently to make my point.

"That smile she had on her face whenever you let her stop to look in the window of the bakery, that's the smile of someone who is being taken care of. That's the smile of someone who knows they are loved unconditionally." I insisted and Katniss turned her head to look up at me with teary eyes.

"How could you _ever_ think that you wouldn't make a good parent when you could put that smile on Prim's face during the hardest time of your lives up to that point?" I whispered and Katniss's tears spilled over once again.

"That's what parents do Katniss. They do the best they can and so that their children will have a better life than they did. With what we did in the Games, what you did for the rebellion, we've already ensured that our kids will have a better life than we did." I said feeling my throat tighten with the strong emotions I always felt when marveling the strength of my wife and how lucky I was that she was mine.

"We gave them hope." I said and tearfully smiled at her. "And you know how dangerous President Snow thought that was."

Pausing, I looked toward the window where I could hear parents calling laughing children in from outside to get to bed. Then I turned my gaze to our bedroom door where the buzz of voices from the television sounded from the room where the child of another pair of Hunger Games's victors was snuggled up, well fed and happy on our couch. I huffed out a laugh and tilted Katniss's chin up so that I could kiss her softly.

"How right he turned out to be." I whispered against her lips and Katniss's arms came slowly up around my neck as she began to kiss me back.

"You really think we can do this?" She asked quietly when we finally pulled apart. I nodded as she set the picture of Prim aside so gently you would think it was made of glass and then moved to straddle my thighs. She wiped the tears from her eyes and stared so intensely into mine I felt like she was seeing straight into my soul.

"Of course I do, Katniss." I said with a lopsided smile and gestured with my chin at a large painting that was hanging on the wall above our bed along with about a dozen other smaller canvases. It was of the two of us walking through the meadow that I had done the year before, with the surrounding smaller paintings of us doing some of our other favorite activities together: sitting on the porch swing, swimming in the lake, gardening, and of course, baking.

"Do you know that when I look at these paintings of us…" I said and she looked above my head over the bed at the collection I was talking about. "Even when I'm hanging them up around the house, they never feel like they're finished to me."

I leaned forward to kiss her cheek then her neck, then between her collar bones feather light.

"Every other type of painting I've done feels complete when I put my brush down at the end, but not these…" I said and shook my head as she dropped her gaze back to mine. "They don't feel finished because my children aren't in them. _Our_ children aren't in them. My father, he told me once that you shouldn't have kids until you can't stand not to. And that's how I know that I'm ready to be a father."

I turned my head to the side and looked up at those paintings again and then back to my wife.

"Katniss…" I said feeling tears burning behind my eyes again. "I can't stand not to anymore."

This time, Katniss reached up to brush the tears from my face. She took a deep, steadying breath and rested her forehead to mine.

"Okay." She said so softly that I probably wouldn't have heard her if I wasn't intently listening for even the slightest change in her breathing to tell me how she felt about what I had just admitted to her.

I pulled back abruptly and gently grabbed both sides of her face so that I could look into her eyes. The look on my face must have been one she'd never seen before because laughter immediately bubbled out of Katniss and what I took for happy tears fell from her eyes.

"Did…did you just say 'okay'?" I asked carefully, trying to contain my excitement because I not only needed to hear it, but needed to see her lips move as she uttered the word as well.

Katniss laughed again and bit her bottom lip as she nodded.

"I said 'okay'." She assured me and that feeling of standing at the door to the school yard wound up inside me all the way from my toes.

I opened and closed my mouth a few times but for once, I was speechless. Unable to find any words to fully articulate how happy she made me, I flipped Katniss to her back, smiling sweetly when she screeched and I lowered myself on top of her and kissed all over her face and neck making her laugh and squirm.

When Katniss's hands fell to my chest and she pushed me back gently to look up into my face, I looked back down at her with what I hoped was an appropriate level of adoration and respect. She was, after all, the one who would have to go through all of the physical changes and pain that I knew would come with carrying and giving birth to my child.

"What, you're not going to spin me around the room?" She teased and I shook my head.

I settled my forearms along either side of her head and stroked my thumbs over her temples.

"Nah, I already took my leg off…" I grinned and leaned in to kiss first one then the other eye softly.

"That probably wouldn't go well." I murmured as my lips slid to hers and we kissed deeply.

"I love you so much, Kat." I whispered breathlessly between kisses and then caught her bottom lip between my teeth lightly and then slid my tongue out to soothe the bite.

"I love you too, Peet." She gasped and raised her hips to mine. "So much."

She grunted and I reached down with one hand and slid it up one of her thighs under the light nightgown she was wearing.

"Mmm…." I said making a noise of surprise when my hand reached and caressed her bare hip. "…agreeing to have kids _and_ you aren't wearing underwear? This is the best night ever."

I sighed happily and Katniss laughed and reached down to run her thumbs just under the elastic band of my shorts right above my ass.

"I know," She said and then gasped when I trailed my kisses down her neck and chest to between the valley of her breasts I had admired when I first left the bathroom.

"How awesome am I?" She joked and I pulled back from kissing my way across her heated skin to smile shyly at her.

"The awesome-est." I grinned and Katniss laughed freely and slid her hands around to my front.

She reached a hand into my shorts to stroke up and down my shaft enthusiastically and I groaned and arched my back into her touch, pressing her body deeper into the mattress as I did so and throwing back my head.

She used her other hand to stroke from just below my navel up to my chest and ran it back and forth across the tight muscles there. I pushed the front of her nightgown swiftly up to just below her breasts and was settling my hips between her open legs when I stopped suddenly and waited until Katniss's own eyes fluttered open and her hand beneath my shorts stilled.

"What? What's wrong?" She whispered releasing me and I worked to control my breathing before I answered.

I could barely remember my name at that moment so I was finding it even more difficult to remember when the last time Katniss got her birth control shot was.

"Are…is this…are we trying _now_?" I asked trying not to sound panicky since I was the one who pushed the topic in the first place that evening.

It was Katniss's turn to smile shyly and she shook her head.

"I just got my shot last week so I guess we'll have 3 months to practice before…before we start trying for a baby." She said and I was sure I heard a hint of excitement in her voice as she said it.

A slow, mischievous smile crept to my lips and I dropped my hips to press my straining erection into the warmth and wetness I could already feel between her legs.

"Practice huh?" I grinned and bent down to kiss her as I ground my hips into hers, eliciting all manner of wonderfully needy sounds from my wife.

"I like practice…" I growled against her lips.

Katniss slid one foot up the calf of my right leg and looped her other leg around my waist. She reached down between us and pushed the front of my shorts down, freeing my erection and we both gasped as my heated skin met her warmth and slid through it a few times collecting the wetness there.

"It'll be just like training for the Quarter Quell but without jumping jacks." I teased.

Katniss groaned at my bad joke and pinched my hip gently to remind me how much she disliked it when I made light of all we'd been through. I told her once when she scolded me for it that if we didn't laugh, we'd cry and I preferred laughing.

"Well, maybe some jumping jacks…" I mumbled against her throat and Katniss groaned again.

"Peeta Mellark, you shut up and make love to me before I have time to think about the fact that there's an eleven-year-old boy in this house that could hear us." She moaned and raised her hips to mine again, forcing the head of my penis just inside and making us both grunt.

"Yes, ma'am." I smiled and pulled back from her just enough to push my shorts down and off and then say up against Katniss's pillows at the headboard and gestured for her to climb onto me.

She took my hands, knitting her fingers of each hand with mine. I tried to keep my eyes open so that I could watch my shaft disappear into her beneath the hem of the nightgown she was still wearing. When she flexed her inner muscles purposely between each inch she accepted into her body I couldn't help my head falling back against the pillows and biting my bottom lip to keep from crying out.

"Shit, Katniss…" I grunted and released her hands in favor of tightly gripping her hips once I was completely inside of her.

I raised my head to look at her and her eyes were shining with wanton desire as she placed her hands on my shoulders and slowly began to raise and lower her hips, only speeding up slightly every 10 thrusts or so and driving me completely wild with need.

"Shhh…" she whispered and squeezed my shoulders hard, probably trying to stop herself from making too much noise.

"Then go faster, I'm dying here…" I grunted with a chuckle as I tried to raise my hips off of the bed in time with the rocking back and forth on me she had begun a few thrusts before.

"Yes, sir." She whispered and moved her arms around my neck and slid closer to me so that we were almost belly to belly and I couldn't help moving one hand from her hip across her abdomen where our child would soon hopefully be growing.

Thinking of this only seemed to fuel my need and I grabbed her hips hard in each hand, forcing her forward even more as she continued to straddle my hips with her knees on the mattress beside them. It changed the angle of my penetration enough that I was not only driving straight up into her g-spot, but with each time I pulled back and readied to thrust, the top of my shaft rubbed straight over her clit making her hips buck involuntarily into mine harder and harder.

"Peeta!" She cried out into the pillow beside my head and I could feel the sweat from my hairline trickling down into my sideburns and then off into her hair which was beginning to stick to my face. When her hands threaded through the hair on the back of my head, gripping handfuls of the wet, shaggy strands, I was a goner.

I pressed my mouth to her shoulder and groaned loudly as I thrust twice more up into her and felt my control slip away.

Katniss sensed my impending orgasm and pressed her hips down into mine just as hard. I emptied myself into her and felt her inner muscles clamping rhythmically around me with her own release.

Ten minutes later, we were still laying how we'd finished, with Katniss straddling my lap still in her nightgown and me with my arms laying useless at my sides as she breathed softly against my neck where here head was turned into me. I was just starting to get uncomfortable, still inside of her while almost completely soft, and was about to ask her to move over so we could snuggle into the bed together when we heard quick footsteps rushing up the stairs to the second floor where we were.

I froze and felt Katniss stiffen too as we listened to the bathroom door open and slam closed quickly followed by the rather obvious sound of Zale vomiting up everything he'd eaten that day based on the sound of it.

Katniss pulled back from where her head was resting on my shoulder and I couldn't help the silent laughter that shook its way out of me in response to the absolutely disgusted look on her face.

"Well…that was nice while it lasted." I said sarcastically when I had pulled myself together and Katniss climbed off of me gingerly.

"Yeah…I'm not so good with puke…" she said trying to straighten out her hair and smoothing the creases in her nightgown from where it had been bunched beneath her breasts during sex.

"I've got him." I said reaching for my shorts where they lay in the middle of the bed and pulling them back on.

"Reminds me of the time I took care of Haymitch on the train to the Capitol." I said with a small smile and Katniss chuckled as she discreetly pulled a wet cloth from the little box of them she kept on her night table and started to clean herself with her legs over her side of the bed and her back to me.

"At least Zale's puke won't smell like booze. A least, it better not." She mumbled and I chuckled back as I put on my prosthetic and pulled a t-shirt over my head as I stood from the bed.

Katniss glanced over her shoulder and when she saw me lean over the bed with both hands flat on the mattress, she turned sideways and reached up to kiss me once softly on the lips.

"Thanks, that was wonderful." She whispered and we heard another horrible retching sound just as my lips touched hers for another kiss.

We both grimaced and laughed softly and I pecked her quickly on the lips to thank her as well before I hurried out the door and across the hall to the bathroom.

I looked behind me to make sure my bedroom door was closed before I knocked on the bathroom door and quietly asked Zale if he was alright.

"Uh….yeah…I think so…" he stammered and flushed the toilet. The tank had barely begun to fill again when I heard more retching and decided I'd given the kid enough space.

I pushed the door open gently and felt a pang in my heart when I saw Zale kneeling in front of the toilet, one hand on his stomach over the t-shirt he was wearing and the other on the edge of the toilet bowl to keep him upright.

"What's the matter, bud? You got a little bit of a stomach bug?" I asked grabbing a washcloth from the cabinet over the sink and sticking it under the faucet with cool water running.

I tried to think back over the course of the day trying to decide if I had noticed him looking pale or sweaty at any point in the day but he'd seemed fine. How he ate at dinner proved that much.

"Umm…well, not exactly." He mumbled and I could see tears in the corners of his eyes. I wasn't sure if they were from the force of getting sick or from the pain in his stomach.

After I'd wrung out the washcloth so that it was only damp, I went to sit on the edge of the bathtub next to where Zale was leaning and folded it gently over the back of his neck.

"Not exactly?" I asked as he flushed again and sat back on his heels with both hands on the edge of the toilet bowl and looked down at the floor. "Think that's it?" I asked and Zale nodded and dropped tiredly to his backside on the bathroom rug.

I guided him over to sit with his back against my legs and he dropped his head back onto my knees with a groan. "I think I ate too much junk." He admitted as I opened the wet cloth and gently wiped his face to clean him up, waiting for him to elaborate on the 'too much junk'.

Zale's eyes fell shut and he continued to hold his stomach. "I may have had a snack or…10 after you went to bed." He said quietly and suddenly, a pair of sea green eyes were looking upside down at me. Even at that angle I could tell he was embarassed.

I managed not to laugh at him but couldn't keep the smile off my face at what I deemed to be the well-earned natural consequences of stuffing his face late at night.

"What the hell did you eat?" I asked glancing into the toilet briefly and Zale held his stomach again and moaned.

"A bunch of those big chocolate chip cookies in the jar on the kitchen counter." He whispered as I continued to gently wipe his face with the cloth.

I raised my eyebrows and gave a low whistle. "You mean the _chocolate_ chocolate chips?" I asked and Zale started to nod before he dove to his knees again and emptied what little must have been remaining in his stomach into the toilet bowl.

I felt for the kid. I really did. There had been a time or two when I was very young that I had stuffed myself with sweets from the bakery without my parents' permission (which I wouldn't have received anyway because the 'good stuff' was strictly forbidden and reserved only for sale to bakery customers) and done my share of hugging the toilet. Luckily, the few times it happened my father was the one who came to check on me and promised he wouldn't tell my mother.

I rubbed Zale's back lightly to let him know I was there just like my father had done to me when I was sick. Sometimes, like that moment with Zale, the pain of losing my family was almost suffocating and I had to stomp all of the pain down to be dealt with later.

I looked up at the door as it opened slowly and Katniss stuck her head in around the door. She had pulled on a light summer robe over her nightgown and looked extremely concerned about Zale.

"Need any help?" She asked resting her head against the edge of the door gently and smiling sadly at Zale. By this point, Zale was so exhausted from being sick that he was barely able to crawl to me before he fell forward into my arms and curled up in a ball holding his stomach.

I knew how I felt when I was sick to my stomach so I really felt for the poor guy. All I wanted when I didn't feel well was for someone to hold me and take care of me. To tell me I was going to be alright and make me believe it.

I wasn't used to taking care of anyone when they were sick except for Katniss and she was always pretty self-sufficient, even when laid up with a bad cold or stomach flu. There was something about caring for Zale while he was sick that made me feel good. Not good about him being sick, but that together, Katniss and I would be able to provide him with enough comfort and care that he felt safe to let us do so.

I looked up at Katniss and mouthed 'cookies' as I rubbed Zale's back and he continued to moan and groan from the pain in his stomach. Katniss rolled her eyes because she knew Zale couldn't see her face and walked slowly over to put down the lid on the toilet and flushed it again before she sat down on top of it.

"I'm sorry…" Zale whimpered and I knew he must have been completely embarassed for having thrown up in front of us and a little bit for stuffing himself full of cookies like he had.

"Hey, it's okay…"Katniss whispered and reached out to stroke the back of his head that was resting against my shoulder. "Let's just get you to bed so you can rest." She said nodding for me to pick him up and I slowly lifted Zale from the floor with very little protest from him.

He turned his face into my chest so that he didn't have to look at either of us for the walk to his bedroom and I stepped carefully around Katniss as I headed out the bathroom door and down the hall to his room. Katniss stayed behind for a moment and I smiled appreciatively when she appeared in the bedroom doorway with a small basin to place by his bed in case he needed to be sick again and a fresh washcloth to place on his head.

"I'm really sorry." Zale said again and tried to sit up in the bed. I gently pushed him back onto the pillows and he settled in with a deep sigh and closed his eyes.

Katniss sat down on one side of the bed and I sat gently on the other to keep an eye on him for a few more minutes, mostly to make sure he wasn't going to throw up all over one of our guest rooms.

I watched as Katniss handed him a cup of water from the bedside table and told him to sip it slowly as she wiped his face with the new washcloth. Zale put the cup aside but leaned in to Katniss's touch, stretching his neck out so that she could run the cool cloth behind his ears and around to the back of his neck to try and settle him down for the night.

"So cookies, huh?" She asked with a little smile and Zale opened his eyes to give Katniss a look that said equal parts _'don't start'_ and _'this is the most mortifying moment of my life'. _

"Oh, take it easy," Katniss soothed and stroked her fingers through Zale's hair on top of his head, making him slump over with his head on her shoulder. "I won't tease you…much." She smirked and Zale groaned softly into her neck.

It stood to reason that feeling as bad as he did, Zale would look to Katniss for motherly care since he'd only grown up with a mother. As I watched him seek her comfort, that warm sensation I'd felt when Katniss first said okay to children spread from the middle of my body out to the tips of my fingers and toes. By the look Katniss gave me back, she must have known what I was thinking.

She didn't hesitate to nuzzle the soft waves of coppery hair on top of his head with her nose as she pulled him close into her side and rubbed his back with her other hand. Zale slid down so that he was lying with his head in Katniss's lap and closed his eyes with a heavy sigh.

"Shhh…rest." She whispered and continued to stroke her fingers through his hair. She lightly scratched his scalp as Zale curled his legs up to his stomach under the covers and wrapped his arms around Katniss's waist tightly.

I sat still on the other side of the bed and watched them quietly, smiling softly at Katniss and then smiling wider when she pouted out her bottom lip and cast her eyes down at the boy cuddled up in her lap in an _'isn't he so sweet?' _way. I nodded back to her and looked dow at Zale who was staring straight ahead at the windows from where he lay on Katniss's lap.

Slowly, as she continued to methodically rub his back and scratch his head, Zale began to drift off to sleep.

I watched Katniss watching Zale and was surprised to see the same look pass over her face as I'm sure had passed over mine that afternoon when Zale told me I would make a good father. It was in that moment that I knew Katniss may not have been as ready to be a mother as I was to be a father, but she was certainly more ready than she seemed to think.

"Could you sing to me?" Zale said suddenly, startling both Katniss and I after he hadn't said a word in almost 5 minutes.

It didn't surprise me at all to hear Zale ask Katniss to sing him to sleep. She had done so often over the many visits we'd had with with he and Annie over the years and Zale fell immediately under the same spell her singing cast on anyone else who heard it. We used to joke when he was a wild toddler that the sound calmed the savage beast within him and Annie was always very appreciative of Katniss's singing skills when it was time to put Zale to bed.

In fact, Zale was the only person for whom Katniss had ever recorded her voice. When what Annie refered to as 'the terrible two's' hit, it was apparently an exhausting nightly process to get him into bed and then even moreso to get him to spend the whole night there once he was down.

She remembered that Zale had often fallen asleep to Katniss singing to him and called one night begging Katniss to sing to him over the phone to calm him down. It worked like a charm of course, and so Katniss had agreed to record a few songs for her and sent them off to District 4 immediately.

As I pulled myself out of the memory of that day and back into the bedroom where Zale was still curled up in Katniss's lap, it was obvious her talents were still not wasted on him. Zale was fast asleep as Katniss sang the last few lines of a quiet lullaby.

"See? You're a natural." I whispered as Katniss carefully lifted Zale's head from her lap and guided it to the pillows. Zale yawned and curled up on his side, his arms going protectively around his middle indicating that he likely still wasn't feeling very well.

"Thanks." Katniss said shyly and lifted the small basin up for me to see and then set it on the bedside table in case Zale needed it later in the night. I nodded silently and set the cool washcloth on the back of his neck, planning to leave it there since it was only damp by that point.

I brushed back his hair myself and leaned down to kiss the top of his head like I knew he wouldn't allow if he was conscious. It was just so hard not to look upon him as that baby we first met in the Capitol on the first anniversary of the rebel victory. I wondered fleetingly if I would feel the same way about my own children one day, always picturing them as tiny, helpless infants no matter how old they got.

When I looked up, Katniss was already across the room at the door watching me with the same look I'd seen on her face the first night Zale was with us and I had tucked him in to bed. As I walked across the room to her, I wondered if maybe Katniss had been thinking about us having children for more of that week than just the morning when she woke up with the nightmare.

"Poor kid." I whispered as Katniss stepped into my arms and we both watched Zale sleep for another minute (just to be sure). She shook her head with a soft laugh and laid her head on my chest.

"Bet he won't do that again. How many cookies did he eat?" She asked as we stepped into the hallway and I pulled the door shut softly.

"Probably most of the jar." I guessed as we went back to our room. "And if you think he won't do that again then clearly you know nothing of what goes on inside an 11-year-old boy's brain." I smirked as Katniss pulled off her robe and climbed back into bed. I sat down on the edge of my side and removed my leg for the second time that night.

"Something tells me I should be happy that I don't know whats' going on in his head." Katniss teased as I felt her moving around on the bed and assumed she was settling in for the night.

I was surprised then when her arms were suddenly crossed over my chest, preventing me from lifting my arms. I turned my head to look questioningly into her face as she laid her head on my shoulder with a sigh.

"You okay?" I asked and sighed myself when she kissed the spot behind my ear and then the curve of my neck lightly.

"Mhm." She purred with another sigh that I realized was extremely contented.

It was so nice to hear happy sounds from my wife after such a rough day and I hoped that part of that happiness came from the talk we'd had about deciding to start trying for a baby. Okay, a little part of me hoped it had to do with the hot sex, but a bigger part hoped that she'd finally found some peace with the life-long battle she'd fought with herself never to be a mother.

"Sleep?" I asked raising one hand to hold onto one of her forearms that was crossed over my chest and smacked a kiss at the bend in her elbow playfully.

Katniss hesitated just enough that I suspected sleep wasn't exactly what she had in mind.

"Really? Again?" I asked on reflex and my libido whacked me over the head with a mallet for looking a gift horse in the mouth after over 2 weeks without sex.

"Mmmm…maybe we could get some sleep and then sometime before morning," She lowered her voice and kissed her way across the back of my neck to the other side of my shoulders. "I'll wake you up in a _very _nice way…" She whisperd and I moaned softly and felt a quick twitch inside my shorts.

"Yeah, that'll work." I responded quickly and Katniss chuckled as she lay back on her side and pulled the light top sheet over herself.

I pulled off my t-shirt and slid under the top sheet as well, pulling it just up to my hips and turning my head so that I was face to face with Katniss who was laying on her side.

"Katniss…I…" I stuttered slightly, unsure of just how to put into words how happy she'd made me. How much she'd quieted the ever present demons in my mind by finally telling me that she _had_ thought of having children with me. That she'd even pictured what one of them might look like. I replayed the moment over and over in my mind when she'd said yes only hours before.

It was as if that part of me that would always be damaged by my hijacking got a little bit smaller, a little bit weaker, with every new step Katniss and I took toward the rest of our life together.

"I know." She said with a slow nod and scooted over into my arms even though it was warm. "I know." She said again and rested her head on my shoulder and placed one hand on my stomach. I stared at the ceiling with tears of joy swimming in my vision and placed one hand over top of the one Katniss had resting on my stomach.

"You're happy that we're going to start a family soon. Real or not real?" She whispered against my shoulder and I could feel the slight smile on her face.

"Real." I answered without hesitation but then shifted my legs under the sheet nervously.

"_You're_ happy that we're going to start a family soon. Real or not real?" I asked bending my neck to brush my lips over the top of her head.

There was only the briefest of hesitation where I imagined she was searching her heart for the answer, perhaps made easier to find because we were so accustomed to asking questions in the form of the 'real or not real?' game.

I held her closer when after that soul-searching moment she told me '_real._'


	44. Chapter 35

_The moon has a face_

_And it smiles on the lake_

_And causes the ripples in time_

_I'm lucky to be here _

_With someone I like_

_Who maketh my spirit to shine _

"Don't Let us Get Sick" – Warren Zevon

**Chapter 35**

(Katniss's POV)

When I woke up for good a few hours after that _very _nice wake up in the middle of the night, I was surprised to find myself no longer stretched across Peeta's chest where I had fallen asleep and the other side of the bed empty. I pushed down the initial fear that always comes when I find him gone from our bed and my eyes flitted around the room in the new morning light, searching for clues as to where he might be.

His shorts and t-shirt were missing from the end of the bed where I had passionately cast them aside only hours before so I knew he was somewhere in the house and allowed myself to finally take a breath. It wasn't often that Peeta left for the bakery without kissing me goodbye and after so many years together, I sensed that he was still home and relaxed back into the tangled mess of bedsheets with a yawn. With the panic of waking up alone subdued for the time being, I took a moment to reflect on the discussion Peeta and I had the night before.

"Reflection" is something I'd been taught to do as part of my therapy. It apparently means to consider something carefully. I know this because Dr. Aurelius read the definition to me once when I'd rather rudely (in his opinion, not mine) remarked early on in our phone sessions that what he was telling me to do could be more simply defined as 'thinking'.

He had decided to take it as a personal insult to the entire field of psychology and I'd heard him rustling around on his desk for his official dictionary of psychological terms or some such thing in order to give me the exact definition. Whatever, it was still thinking to me.

_Reflecting_ on my discussion from the night before about starting a family with Peeta caused a flush of warmth and a strange contraction deep in my belly that, I'll admit, I was a little surprised to feel again so soon after making such a life changing decision. Especially a decision I had been so unsure of for much of my life.

It reminded me of when I had thought I was an expert on hunger only to feel an entirely new type

when I kissed Peeta so long ago in the cave and then again on the beach during the Quarter Quell. This new gnawing in my gut surprised me yet again and I grudgingly admitted to myself what I already knew that feeling was. That feeling was the desire to have children with Peeta.

I was still a little hurt by Peeta's surprise that I'd thought about having children with him off and on over the years. Part of me was mad at him for believing that I'd never thought of it, the other part mad at myself for having given him no real indication that I felt otherwise while making a home together for almost 15 years.

How could I not have those thoughts when we ran a bakery that saw dozens upon dozens of children pass through its doors weekly? When I saw the way Peeta lit up at their excitement when he snuck them free treats, or how he demonstrated endless patience with them during the Sunday baking classes?

Soon after we started them, even I began to look forward to those two Sundays a month and not only to watch Peeta's reaction to the children.

_I_ enjoyed watching the way they dumped measuring cups full of different ingredients into the large mixing bowls; how they sometimes fought over who got more stirs of the batter; the funny things they drew on wax paper with piping bags while practicing their frosting skills. I couldn't help but feel a powerful bond with them, some whom we had watched grow from gawky preteens when we first started offering the classes to bringing their own young children in to learn as well years later.

Reflecting on all of these thoughts and feelings I had about the children in the bakery made me realize I rarely, if ever, verbally shared with Peeta how much I enjoyed myself during the classes.

As I lay in bed watching the sun just beginning to rise through the open bedroom window, I vowed to trust Peeta with my _good _thoughts and feelings as much as I trusted him with the bad ones he helped me battle every night as I slept.

Just as I was making this rather hopeful resolution, the bedroom door opened and Peeta slipped quietly into the room with a sappy, almost shy smile on his face. I couldn't help but feel immensely pleased knowing that I was the one who had put it there.

I was still stretched out on my side of the bed, naked with the top sheet tucked loosely under my arms to cover my body. I propped my head up on one elbow as he moved to sit beside my hips on the edge of the bed. I snuggled closer to him and reached out to lightly scratch his back and yawned out a 'good morning'.

"Morning," He whispered and leaned down to kiss my lips that were still swollen from our earlier encounter.

I felt a tiny pang of desire as I thought about the way Peeta had possessed me, driving into me in measured, deliberate strokes meant to push me to the edge without letting me fall over until he decided. Bossy-in-bed-Peeta was one of my personal favorite sides to him and it was just as fulfilling an experience for me as I was _absolutely _sure it was for him.

A soft moan escaped my lips as I remembered how he had forced me up onto my knees earlier, making me hold onto the bedpost while he entered me from behind and reached around to squeeze and fondle my breasts exactly the way he knew I liked. Peeta was nothing if not a reliably generous lover; always giving as much as he took and sometimes, seizing power over my body on the nights he knew I needed to be out of control for a while. It made being quiet for the sake of Zale difficult, but neither of us got the impression based on how exhausted he was after getting sick that we were really in any danger of waking him.

"None of that," Peeta mumbled against my lips with a rasp to his voice that told me he remembered every detail of our tryst just as well as I did.

"I have to head out to work but I wanted to check in on Zale before I came to give you your kiss." He whispered and reached out to play with my pearl necklace as he leaned across me with one hand on the mattress.

"How's he doing?" I asked with a grimace.

Peeta chuckled and shook his head, grimacing as well while he methodically slid the pearl back and forth on the chain.

"Eh, he'll live." He said glancing toward the bedroom door with a warm smile that belied his unsympathetic tone.

"I told him you probably wouldn't mind if he got a little more sleep before his hunting lesson. Hope that's okay." He said sliding the hand playing with the pearl into my hair and effortlessly tying a small section of it into a little knot and then releasing it just as easily.

"Sure, I could use a little more sleep myself after the physically taxing sex I had with my husband last night and this morning." I teased and Peeta grinned and leaned down to kiss a line from my lips to my ear.

"Sore?" He asked with a little growl that sent a bolt of lightning from my eardrum right to the 'sore' places in question. I slid a hand into his hair, threading my fingers through the thick blonde waves lovingly and smiled against his cheek.

"Mmmhmmm," I admitted biting my bottom lip and looking up at him shyly when he'd pulled back a bit. I felt another little wave of heat as I thought of how I'd been a writhing, shaky mess hanging almost upside down over the edge of the bed by the time he'd finally let me orgasm.

Peeta looked positively pleased with himself as he slowly stood from the bed, kissing his way down my cheek, my neck, and across my chest to finally press a soft kiss to my pearl.

"Good," he whispered and kissed across the edge of the sheet where it met my bare skin. I shuddered when he reached the sensitive flesh of my upper bicep near my shoulder.

"Then you'll be thinking about what I did to make you that way _all_ day today…" he said and my eyes widened at hearing such a bluntly sexual statement from my usually more modest partner.

"I certainly will," I chuckled and hooked a finger into the waist of his soft, over washed work jeans. I slid my other hand down to press it against the tender flesh between my legs through the sheet with a sigh.

"Seriously though, Kat, you…still okay with what we talked about last night?" He asked and I looked up into his eyes for a moment, doing more of that 'reflecting' stuff. I knew my answer and I gave it to him as quickly as possible since he was looking down at me with just the slightest hint of doubt shining in his blue eyes.

"Of course I am." I said with what I hoped was a confident tone and returned to scratching his back gently.

"I mean, I've got 3 months to work through any concerns I might have anyway. But I promise I will talk to you about them if I do, okay?" I whispered and Peeta nodded slowly.

"Alright well, good." He said and the strain of uncertainty was gone from his voice for the time being.

"I want you to talk to me about it, Katniss. I want you to be able to talk to me about _anything_." He said softly. "I know it's not going to be easy but I think in the grand scheme of all we've been through, a pregnancy is going to seem like nothing in comparison."

I smiled up at him again and held the sheet to my chest as I sat upright to lean in and kiss him again softly.

"And we'll be doing it together." I whispered and Peeta rested his forehead to mine, holding it there for a long few moments as I breathed in the scent of toothpaste that was just covering the underlying smell of coffee on his breath.

"Together." Peeta whispered back and then stood reluctantly from the edge of the bed. It was always hard for him to leave me in the morning but I suspected it was a little harder on that morning after the breakthrough we'd had the night before.

"I better go…" he murmured and rubbed the back of his head in that shy way that always reminded me of 11-year-old Peeta. It amazed me that even after all he'd been through, there was still so much of the person he was before left in him and it made me love him even more. Once again Haymitch's words from the past snuck up to whisper in my ear.

_"You could live a thousand lifetimes and not deserve him."_

How right you were, Haymitch. But I planned to give it a hell of a try for the remainder of _this_ lifetime.

"I'll be sure to think about you today…" I teased and glanced down at my lower body with a wicked smile. Peeta gave me the same smile back and couldn't help but lean over for one more kiss.

"Damn right you will." He mumbled against my lips and gave me a light slap on the outer part of my left buttock making me yelp and then chuckle.

I watched him walk to the door and smiled shyly at him when he looked back at me one more before as he opened the door and slipped out into the hall. I listened as he couldn't resist peeking in on Zale once more, then he headed down the steps and said something to the kitten who I could hear meowing at the front door. I smiled at the soft tone he used with the cat and sighed as I heard the door shut with a soft rumble that went through the frame of the house.

I lay there for a few more minutes, making sure he was gone before I got up and stripped the bed to wash the sheets. I pulled on a lightweight pair of long pants and a dark short-sleeved shirt that would protect against any prey spotting me when I took Zale hunting later.

I was glad that Peeta had told Zale to sleep until he felt well enough to hunt, especially since I had a little excursion of my own planned before our hunting trip; one that I needed to make on my own. I may have made the decision last night to start a family with Peeta, but as much as I hated to admit it, I needed the reassurance of the one person I knew who could be as broken, bitter, and set-in-their-ways as I sometimes was.

I just hoped he hadn't drowned in a puddle of liquor on his kitchen table yet that morning.

Based on the time of the morning and Haymitch's history of not passing out until the sun came up, I decided to knock. Partly because he constantly gave Peeta and I crap about walking into his house uninvited and I just didn't feel like listening to it, but also a little bit because I received a certain amount of sadistic joy listening to him curse at every piece of furniture he stumbled into on his way to the door.

When the door finally flew open, I was met with Haymitch's signature scowl and the beginning of what was sure to be a lengthy and profane rant until he saw my face. Instantly he looked like he did whenever Peeta or I dumped a bucket of cold water on his head to wake him up.

"What's wrong? Is it Peeta? Is he—" I cut Haymitch off with a quick shake of my head and moved past him to stand in his foyer shifting from foot to foot. He turned around in the doorway to look at me and I briefly regretted my decision to come see him when it was obvious by his wobbly state that he probably wouldn't remember this conversation by the afternoon.

"Well?" He barked and waved the half-filled bottle in his hand through the air once for dramatic effect. "I'm on pins and needles here, Sweetheart."

He smirked and I blurted it out.

"Last night Peeta and I decided to start trying for a baby."

I counted to thirty while Haymitch's face displayed a range of emotions from confused to shocked to proud back to shocked again and finally, to uncertain. He looked down at the bottle in his hand, up to my face and then back to the bottle before he thrust it forward into my hands and stepped past me headed for the kitchen.

"You look like you could use that more than me." He mumbled and I looked down at the bottled clutched to my chest and rolled my eyes before I followed after him.

The house was in such a state that I knew Greasy Sae had not been by yet that week to clean up after him, something I had been telling her pretty bluntly that she was getting much too old to be doing. Cleaning up after Haymitch was a young person's job.

Not that I was interested in filling the position since Peeta and I already fed him most meals, helped to care for the farmyard worth of geese and chickens he'd acquired over the years, and made sure he never ran out of his precious white liquor. I was however, willing to screen applicants if it got the process moving any quicker and allowed Sae some peace and quiet in her twilight years.

"I'm serious, Haymitch." I said plopping down in one of the kitchen chairs and setting the bottle on the table in front of me while he fell into his usual seat. "Scary as this fact might be, you know and I know that we were both cut from the same crumpled up, scratchy old cloth and well…you're the closest thing either of us has to a parent close by…"

"—You could give your mother a call on the phone." He suggested and I could tell that having this conversation was one of the last things he was interested in adding to his to-do list for the day.

I sighed in annoyance when I realized that talking to Haymitch was probably a pretty stupid idea.

"You know what? This was a bad idea," I started and stood from the table shaking my head. "Sorry I bothered y…"

Haymitch cut me off again, barking at me to just sit down and shut up for a moment so that he could think.

I dropped into my chair again like a child being scolded and reached out to toy with the label on the liquor bottle, unable to meet Haymitch's eyes.

In my peripheral, I could see his head turn toward the side of the house that faced mine and Peeta's home and he made a small noise of understanding.

"This wouldn't have anything to do with a certain young visitor you have staying with you for the week, would it?" he asked knowingly and I shrugged.

It still ticked me off that Haymitch was so perceptive when it came to my relationship with Peeta so I felt the need to make it a little harder for him to put together the pieces of this puzzle.

"That's part of it, I guess…" I mumbled and he nodded wisely and shrugged his shoulders back at me.

"Well, that makes sense." He replied and I was shocked to hear what sounded like _understanding _in his tone rather than the usual mocking I was met with when I first brought a problem to Haymitch.

"It's a stupid way to decide you're ready to bring a life into the world, but it makes sense." He said casually as he broke the seal on a bottle he pulled out from under the table.

I glared at him and Haymitch glared right back. After a few moments he started softly laughing to himself as he shook his head and raised the bottle to his lips.

"Well I certainly hope the little bugger has Peeta's personality, Sweetheart. I can only take one of you, that's for sure…" he said and continued to laugh even as I folded my arms over my chest and continued to stare him down.

"If there's a point in this conversation where you plan to stop insulting me and start giving me advice, let me know so that I can start paying attention to you then." I growled which only made Haymitch laugh harder, even having to hold his stomach in pain because he was so tickled by my response to everything he was saying.

When I started to stand to leave again, Haymitch raised a hand defensively and waved me back to my seat.

"Alrgiht, alright, alright! Just…sit down and stop being so damn touchy. Sheesh…" he said with a yawn and rubbed his eyes.

"Pregnancy hormones are going to be a blast with you…" he mumbled and I groaned and slapped a hand down on the table.

"So is that your way of saying I _should_ have a baby with Peeta?" I asked exasperated and Haymitch set his bottle down and raised both hands defensively.

Sometimes it felt like the amount of time needed to invest in having a conversation with Haymitch that might lead to something resembling valuable advice was almost more trouble than the advice was worth.

"Excuse me, but I've been telling you for years to just suck it up and pop a kid or two out, have I not?" Haymitch asked with a big, fake grin and in such an amped up, saccharine sweet voice that I wanted to punch him. However, I restrained myself, which I felt showed a lot of personal growth.

"Yes, but that was when it was still a theoretical possibility sometime _far_ down the road. Now we're actually going to start trying…" I said willing myself to be patient with him. Even in the state he was in, I could tell he was trying to gather all of the mental capacities he had into trying to be serious.

"What, like…tomorrow?" He asked raising his eyebrows and I shook my head and told him about my shot not being up for a few more months. "Well, that's a lot of time. I figure if you get to that month when the shot wears off and you still want a baby, then I suppose it was meant to be."

Say what you might about him, but Haymitch has always had a way of breaking a situation down to its simplest components, making it easier to see where things do and don't match up properly.

That is of course, if you're willing to go on the long-winded verbal journey it would take to get there with him.

"But I certainly don't think it's a decision you should come to because you're enjoying playing house with a kid who's nearly grown and will be going back to his own mother in a few days time." Haymitch pointed out and I nodded in understanding even though, at the time, I had NO idea what the day to day care of a child of my own would entail.

"Taking care of an infant, full time, day and night is a whole different pot of stew than what you've been doing for what…3 days?" he said and laughed softly, shaking his head at my naivety.

I wished I could tell him that it wasn't the taking care of a child part that I needed to be reassured about, I had spent most of my life taking care of people and at least with a baby I would have Peeta's help. His episodes had become less frequent and intense, the one the week before Zale arrived being the only time he needed the red X on the door in quite some time. I supposed there was always still the possibility of having to care for a baby on my own when Peeta was having an episode, but for the first time in all of the years we had been together, that was a responsibility I was beginning to feel I could handle.

"I get it, Haymitch…babies are tough on a _normal_ relationship and Peeta and I both come with a lot of emotional baggage that it wouldn't be fair to lay on an innocent child." I admitted and then looked toward the same side of the house Haymitch had when he was considering Zale's part in our decision.

"But we also have a lot of love between us too." I said quietly and almost smiled as I thought about how happy Zale was to be with us and how capably we'd managed caring for him so far. How proud I'd been of Peeta for the mature and honest coming-of-age discussion he'd had with the boy in which he had perfectly balanced factual information with the strong morals my husband was so well known for. How we'd cleaned him up and gotten him back to bed when he was sick the night before and how trusting Zale had been of our ability to do so.

"Sure you do." Haymitch admitted after fussing with a loose thread on his shirt pocket and then stifling a belch.

"Anyone who's been around the two of you for more than five minutes can see that." He said rolling his eyes and then went on under his breath.

"I've certainly been sickened beyond what alcohol has ever done to my stomach watching the two of you carry on all these years." He grumbled and the smile that had been threatening to stretch across my face finally did so.

"Listen, Sweetheart…" Haymitch began with a smile of his own as he grabbed a hunk of bread from the loaf Peeta had undoubtedly placed on his table on his way to work that morning.

"_I _have no doubts in my mind that the two of you would make a fine set of parents for any little ankle biter to call their own." He said softly before ripping a piece of the bread off with his teeth. He chewed and swallowed it before he raised his eyes to mine.

"The question is what doubts do _you_ have and what do you plan to do about them to keep from breaking your husband's heart?" he asked around another mouthful that he'd bitten off.

I took a deep breath and opened and closed my mouth a few times before I slumped down in the chair with a groan.

"It's…it's not _doubts_ in the way you're thinking. I...I'm just…I'm happy and scared and excited and nervous all at the same time and I don't know if that's how I'm _supposed_ to feel or if it means that I'm not ready or…"

Haymitch cut me off with an abrupt laugh around yet another bite of bread and I noticed he was sitting up straighter in his chair.

"Is that all?" He asked and washed the bite of bread down with a swallow from the new bottle.

I would have been offended by his mockery except that the unexpected tenderness in his voice made me think it might not have been mockery after all.

I frowned and waited for him to continue because I wasn't sure what exactly he meant. Haymitch shook his head and smiled at my look of confusion and looked off out the window as if lost in some ancient memory. Watching the years pass over his eyes brought into sharp focus just how much I still had to learn even with all I'd been through in 30 years of life.

"Being terrified isn't reason enough to question a decision like this?" I asked when he hadn't said anything for so long that I wondered if his pickled brain had carried him off on some other train of thought.

He turned back to look at me, probably taking in my wide eyes, the rise and fall of my chest as my pulse quickened, forcing my lungs to take in and push air out more quickly.

"Well, obviously I've got no personal experience to draw from myself…" he said patting his stomach as he sat back comfortably in the chair again. "But as I understand it, a healthy mixture of endless joy and paralyzing fear was a common trait of parenthood long before this place was called Panem and the Hunger Games hung over every child's head like a guillotine." He said with a decisive nod.

I wasn't sure exactly what to make of what he was saying at the time, but now, years later, I know that even without the threat of the Games I still worry about my children, these tiny centers of my universe, every day of their lives and likely always will. That's just what good parents do.

"Being afraid isn't good enough of an excuse anymore, Sweetheart." Haymitch said grinning and leaned forward in his chair, obviously preparing to make a point.

For once, I was hanging on his every word. I wanted so badly for him to solve this particular mystery for me so that I could move on with my life with Peeta and be in a truly comfortable place where we could start a family of our own.

"All of those people who died for you and for Peeta….the tributes in the Quarter Quell, the soldiers in your squad…Mags, Finnick, Boggs…"

He hesitated only briefly but I already knew next name that would leave his lips and I had to fight the deeply ingrained urge to slug him.

"…Prim."

"Prim didn't die for me, she died _because _of me…" I said through clenched teeth and tried to control the anger bubbling up inside of me.

I wasn't really mad at Haymitch, or even myself so much anymore, I was just mad at the whole world and the injustice of losing my sweet, caring little sister. After all, how fair could life be when someone as selfless as she had been at such a tender age, who had only been trying to tend to wounded children when she herself was killed, could be ripped from this world?

"No, she didn't." Haymitch bit back just as fiercely and leaned forward with his elbows on the table to point between my eyes with one slightly wrinkled pointer finger.

"You took her place in almost certain death when you volunteered for her in the reaping and she took it back when those parachutes fell in front of the president's mansion." He said emphatically.

"All of them took your place so that the revolution could live in you. What? You think they weren't fucking scared? Of course they were!" He grunted and I could see he was trying to actively repress his anger with me as much as I was trying to repress my own anger toward him.

"But they did it anyway because for them, it was the only right thing to do." He said slapping a hand down emphatically on the table top.

"So…you're saying even though I'm scared to have children I should do it because…why? Because Peeta deserves them and deep down, I really do want them too?" I asked quietly and folded my arms protectively over my chest.

Haymitch rolled his eyes and shook his head as if he couldn't believe my seemingly endless capacity for stupidity.

"No, no! Damnit, that's not what I'm saying at all…" he said and started with that irritating pointing-a-finger-in-my-face thing again.

He waited and I knew he wanted me to be the one to figure it out, that I _needed _to be the one to figure it out on my own in order for it to mean anything to me.

I dropped my eyes to the worn table cloth, just staring at it for a long time as I tried to puzzle out where Haymitch was going with this lesson. It had to have been more than 5 minutes of me staring quietly at the table while Haymitch finished off the small loaf of bread before I cleared my throat and finally lifted my eyes to his.

"I think…that what you're saying…" I began quietly but raised my voice to be sure Haymitch heard me loud and clear. "Is that all of these fears I have, like 'what if I can't do it? What if I'm no good as a mother? What if I fail?'... Shit, Haymitch, I'm more afraid of this than I have been of anything in a long, long time."

When I paused, he nodded slowly but let me continue.

"But what it keeps boiling down to for me…and what I think you're trying to say is, that I've been given the chance to life by all of these people who died for me so how insulting is it to them if I don't actually fucking live?" I finished with the sort of straightforward simplicity that Haymitch and I had always appreciated in each other. I could see that I was on the right track when he smiled and raised the new bottle in the air to me.

"Well, there you have it." He said with a little smirk.

I picked up the half-empty one he'd shoved at me when I first entered the house and raised it to him as well.

So, tell me now, Katniss." He said and I couldn't help startling at his uncharacteristic use of my first name. "Just what do you want from this life you so eloquently stated you are supposed to 'fucking live'?"

I smiled as all of the images I'd turned away from for so long finally rushed freely down the river of my soul.

"I want it all, Haymitch." I whispered and raised my eyes to his so that he would look into mine and know that everything I was saying was the truth.

"I want babies who will never go hungry and who I can teach things my parents taught to me. I want to raise them to be kind and brave and to know that it's okay to be silly and play. I want them to look forward to each birthday as a new year to grow and learn and not as a step closer to their name going into the reaping ball. I want to watch them grow up and find jobs that make them happy and not ones they had to take because they were born in District 12 and in District 12 you're either a miner or dead…or a dead miner." I whispered as the pain of losing my father surged through my veins as fresh as if it had happened only yesterday.

"I want to grow old with Peeta and watch our children raise happier and safer children that even they will have been. _I want it all_." I repeated.

Looking up I found Haymitch giving me the full Abernathy, '_See? You aren't such an idiot afterall!_' smile.

"Well, I guess now you know how you feel huh?" he grinned and I had to admit, I felt as though the entire world had been lifted off of my shoulders.

I had always seen Peeta as a father, even when I thought of his theoretical children as we carried on with the fake pregnancy in the Quarter Quell. There was no question that he was meant to be a father.

What had always been in question and what I had just discovered after searching deep within the most private and secret recesses of my heart, was that at that point in my life, I was finally ready to be a mother.

"Yeah…I guess so." I said with audible relief in my voice.

Haymitch smiled and winked at me.

"Good." He said plunking his bottle down on the table again with a belch and shooed me away with his free hand. "Now get out of my kitchen and take that boy hunting so that you have something to feed me for dinner."

I tried to frown but was having a terrible time managing to do so when I was just so happy with him. It settled my nerves to know that I'd made the right choice in seeking out Haymitch and even more so when I realized as long as he lived, Haymitch would _always _be a mentor to Peeta and to me.

"Oh yes," I said with a gasp, still fighting the smile and placed a hand dramatically to my chest as if shocked by my own bad manners.

"Please won't you come to dinner tonight, Haymitch? You know our nights are just an absolute _bore_ without you!" I said with enough Effie Trinket-esque dramatic flare to make Haymitch roll his eyes and begin a new round of shooing me toward the door.

"Off you go," he said matter-of-factly as I stood from the table with a grin and walked to the door feeling lighter than air. It must have shown because when I turned back around as I reached the door, Haymitch was smiling widely.

"Oh and Katniss…" he said as I was twisting the doorknob and turned back to him with my own wide smile.

"It's nice to see you smiling like that." He said sweetly and if possible, my smile grew even wider.

Until of course, Haymitch belched again and waved a hand in his face to clear the air of the smell.

"Improves your looks quite a bit." He joked and I groaned and pulled the door shut behind me, blocking out only the last few proud chortles from my neighbor, mentor and friend.

I couldn't believe how peaceful I felt just for having vented my soul to Haymitch. I'd never be able to admit it to him aloud, but I didn't think it really mattered since so much of the affection that existed between the little family Peeta, Haymitch and I made up together was unspoken.

When you've been through seven levels of Hell and back together with two people like I had been with Peeta and Haymitch, there are ways of communicating that don't require words at all.

I had just let my mind wander off as I gleefully remembered the unspoken communication between with Peeta that had left me delightfully sore in some places when the screen door to our house flew open as I was placing my foot on the top step and Zale almost ran straight into me.

"Whoa there, where's the fire?" I asked placing my hands on his shoulders to keep him from ramming straight into me.

Swaying a bit from the sudden stop, Zale leaned forward with his hands on his knees to catch his breath.

I was worried that he might have gotten sick again and I regretted having left him alone in the house without telling him where I was going.

"Are you still sick?" I asked placing one hand on his back and placing the other palm down on his forehead to feel for clamminess or a fever.

Zale straightened up with an exasperated laugh and swatted my hands away as I continued checking him over for any sign of illness or injury.

"No! I'm fine…" he said bending down to tie his shoes that I noticed had obviously been pulled on in a rush as he hurried down the stairs to find me. "I just thought you left for hunting without me and I didn't want to miss out on my first lesson!"

He groaned and shook his head as he picked up the smaller of the two bows I had left leaning against the porch. I had made one specifically for him to use for the visit and Zale had been eyeballing it since the first night he arrived.

"Jeez, I thought I left my mom back in District 4…" he mumbled as he bee lined for the edge of the forest. "You guys _used _to be cool, now you're starting to act just like her…"

As he continued to grumble, I just picked up my own bow and a quiver of arrows, grinning like a fool as I followed my young charge off into the summer morning.


	45. Chapter 36

**a/n: Hi everyone! I wanted to take a minute of your time before you start Chapter 36 to let you know that the story will be winding down over the next month or so and probably wrapping up completely by early to mid October! Crazy that by that point it will have been almost 9 months since Chapter 1 was published! **

**To celebrate the end of my first Hunger Games fic, I have been lucky enough to commission the artistic talents of the wonderful, fantastic, amazing, (insert roughly 12-15 other synonyms for 'fabulous' here) wollaston (aka co-author of the brilliant Alone in a Crowded Room/ aka alonglineofbread on tumblr) to do two pieces of artwork for When The Red X is on the Door! **

**One will depict the final chapter and the other I am asking for your input on! I am going to provide a list of 7 scenes for you, the readers, to choose from and I am hoping you will vote on which you would like to see come to life in one of alonglineofbread's beautiful drawings. **

**You can vote by either PM-ing me with the scene you would like to see, mentioning which scene you would like to see in a review of this chapter or the one I post next Thursday, or on my tumblr (My tumblr is under madambeth). **

**It's pretty simple, whichever scene gets the most votes will be the other piece of artwork done for this story! I will tell you that the piece being done for the final chapter DOES include the whole Mellark family (Peeta, Katniss, Bow and Finnick) so don't feel like you need to choose a scene with Bow and Finnick included (even though I would totally have every single one of the interludes illustrated if I thought that was financially feasible!). **

**The scenes are as follows: **

**1.)** Katniss and Peeta in the recliner the night of their first time when she notices the pearl necklace and he places it around her neck.

**2.)** Effie walking in on Katniss and Peeta in the hot tub (for ct522 because she requested it be in the running!)

**3.)** Peeta at the podium giving his speech for the dedication of the memorial with Katniss and her mother seated behind him holding hands. The red X is hanging on the microphone as he explains what it is.

**4.)** Peeta and Katniss running the Sunday kids baking class in the bakery. (for my beta who said, and I quote, " blah blah blah Peeta and a kid should be one of the choices!")

**5.)** Katniss at the car door when Peeta has shut himself up in the car on the way back from the Capitol because he feels he is going to have an episode.

**6.)** Katniss and Peeta looking out at the crowd gathered along the road from the justice building following their wedding ceremony.

**7.)** Peeta and Katniss during their toasting with Greasy Sae and Haymitch in the background witnessing the moment.

**Please, please make sure to vote if you want to see any of these 7 scenes brought to life! I know which I would choose but I really want to know which one YOU would like to see most! **

_And the high road's steady and steep, _

_And the low road's easy and deep._

_Guess I'll follow, follow, follow my feet. _

_Guess I'll follow, follow, follow my feet. _

_I don't know where, _

_I don't know where, _

_Where my path will lead, but I'll follow my feet and_

_Hopefully they'll keep me on the ground and I'll keep walking to the sound _

"Follow My Feet" –The Unlikely Candidates

**Chapter 36 **

For the rest of the day, after my discussion with Haymitch, I threw myself into teaching Zale to hunt. I found myself filled with the type of excitement that came from having a clearer mind and also from engaging in the one activity I had complete confidence in myself to do.

Already a capable fisherman from his District 4 upbringing, Zale demonstrated a natural aptitude for hunting. What maturity he lacked in his day to day life, the loudness and impatience I usually saw in him seemed to disappear when he was focused on the hunt. He needed some instruction in how to walk quietly amongst sticks, stones and brush, but for the most part, Zale kept quiet and still whenever we paused to wait for prey to wander by. He was attentive and asked relevant, interested questions when I showed him how to build and set a snare.

During his first few attempts he missed a rabbit, 3 squirrels and a pretty spirited quail that actually turned and came after Zale when it realized he was responsible for the arrows zinging by its head. That was when I finally saw a glimpse of the excitable 11-year-old boy that had been staying with us the past few days.

I couldn't help laughing as Zale danced his way around the grove of trees we were hunting in, screaming at both the bird and at me, telling one of us to get away from him and the other to save him. The only problem was that I was laughing so hard I couldn't be of any real assistance at the time.

Once the quail got bored (or decided he'd taught Zale enough of a lesson, I'm not sure which) Zale sulked for the rest of the morning until he finally shot and killed a wild turkey. Apparently that was enough for him to feel that his manhood had been restored.

"Great job, kid! That was a nice shot!" I said encouragingly as Zale held the dead turkey down by the neck with his foot and carefully pulled the head of the arrow back from where it was buried in the bird's side.

I didn't mention that big, slow, goofy turkeys were one of the easiest kills in the forest since the little guy seemed so pleased with his skills. I just kept that bit of information to myself, deciding I would tell Peeta later and we'd have our own secret laugh about it.

Peeta had been equally pleased early on in our living together when he had shot and killed a turkey after a few hunting lessons of his own. I hadn't been as careful with his feelings, instead teasing him almost immediately with the same information on turkeys I had refrained from sharing with Zale.

Peeta had been only slightly offended, especially when I argued that I should be allowed to have the most skill at hunting and we could consider it balanced since he was good at _everything_ else. Of course, he'd playfully asked me to review the list of all the things he was better than me at, assuring me that it would make up for my having hurt his feelings when he bagged, as he put it, 'the slowest, nosiest animal in the woods apart from him'.

I'd laughed when he said that because even though I didn't think of it that way at first, he was mostly telling the truth. Peeta's leg was always a bit of a hindrance when I tried to teach him to hunt and he had an almost uncanny ability to find and step on every twig we came upon.

I'd made sure to lay it on thick, talking up his baking and cooking skills, his talent with a paint brush, and his easy way with people. Things got interesting as I moved on to describing his skills in the bedroom and Peeta had tossed the turkey aside and laid me down in a grassy area near the hunting trail. We proceeded to make enough noise to scare away any prey within probably a 5 mile radius when we pushed aside only the necessary clothing in order for Peeta to bury himself in me, driving us both quickly into powerful orgasms.

I pulled myself out of my daydream of that quiet, crisp fall day in the woods with my husband and turned back to Zale who was trying to find the best way to lift and carry his kill. His smile lit up the shade beneath the canopy of the trees as he looked over the large, plump turkey. It seemed, for the time being, that I was out of the dog house for laughing at his run-in with the quail.

"Can we have it for dinner?!" He asked excitedly as I gave him some twine to tie the feet together so that it would be easier for him to carry back home.

"Absolutely," I said picking up both my own bow and Zale's to carry since he had his hands full with the turkey. "Right after you pull all of its feathers out, cut off the head and feet and learn how to clean out its insides."

I grinned and Zale turned a little green, obviously not completely over his night of vomiting just yet. I rolled my eyes at his face as we started to head back for the house. I didn't feel too bad for him though; the kid had been gutting fish since he was practically still in diapers and, if you ask me, that's a lot harder to stomach than taking the innards out of a turkey.

"Are we going back already?" He asked with a grunt, still struggling a little bit with the large bird he was hauling over his shoulder. I stopped and pulled out some more twine so that I could tie the turkey around Zale's waist and he could pull it along behind him on the relatively clear path out of the woods.

"Yeah," I said looking up at the darkening clouds through the leafy treetops. I sniffed at the air when I caught the familiar scent of rain on the cool summer breeze. "It looks like it's going to rain. Smells like it too."

I pointed to the clouds and took a deep breath of fresh air. Zale did the same and nodded excitedly.

"I smell it! It smells the same as home does when I'm out on the dock and can see the ocean churning up big waves!" He said animatedly waving his hands around and looked over his shoulder to make sure the turkey was still intact as we started walking again.

"Well, actually…it's hard to smell much over the smell of the ocean, but that and the big waves are how we know it's going to rain in District 4." He explained. I smiled appreciatively as Zale had just unwittingly taught _me_ something about life in his district in exchange for the hunting lesson I was giving him.

"Very cool." I replied with a wink and Zale's cheeks reddened.

I was starting to get the sense that since Peeta's talk with him, Zale was experiencing the same type of school-boy crush on me as Peeta's apprentice Calen once had. I resisted rolling my eyes because I still just couldn't figure out what it was that men found attractive about me and instead, reached out to muss Zale's hair as we continued down the path.

By the time we reached the edge of the woods, it had begun to drizzle and we were crossing the back yard the house when the sky opened up and it began to pour. We ran the last couple of feet to the porch with me carrying the turkey still attached to Zale's waist. He pulled out his own pocketknife that he had brought from home to cut the twine loose from his body before cutting it where the bird's feet were tied together.

"Good timing!" He chuckled and shook out his wet hair, sending droplets flying at me as I pulled off my hunting boots.

"Take those off before you step foot in that house." I warned as Zale was already heading for the door in muddy shoes with the turkey over his shoulder once again. He froze in mid step and turning to lean against the house beside the front door he kicked his shoes off by one of the rocking chairs.

"And you might want to leave that out here to chop off the head and feet and pull the feathers." I suggested.

Zale looked between the turkey, the door, and me while I cleaned the arrows from our hunt and laid them out on a chair to dry under the cover of the porch.

"Peeta kind of frowns upon blood and feathers being all over the kitchen," I said with a smirk.

Zale dropped the turkey from his shoulder to the ground with a thump and eyed it nervously as he awaited further instruction.

Zale faired pretty well during the chopping and feather plucking and did a great job of _pretending_ to fair just as well while we cleaned out the innards and prepared the turkey to be cooked.

He had always been a naturally curious child and loved to learn new things so I wasn't surprised to see him hanging on every word. I was even less surprised to feel a nudge against my leg and looked down to see that Buttercup Two had joined us in the kitchen.

Once we finished stuffing the turkey with seasoned bread, onions, and celery, I showed Zale how to cook up the heart, liver and neck of the turkey for the cat to enjoy as his meal that night

"We never waste any part that can be used, understand?" I asked.

Something passed over Zale's eyes that told me he'd learned enough in school about the days before the rebellion to know why I was so serious about not wasting anything useful from the food we were so lucky to have on our plates.

"Uh huh." He nodded and smiled when the kitten greedily gulped down the turkey liver we had cooked and then mewed for more.

"You can have the rest at dinner time." Zale told the cat as he scooped him up and carried him over to the window. It was still coming down in buckets and I could tell Zale was bummed to be stuck inside.

"You can go outside and play if you want." I told him as I was placed the rest of the turkey parts into a covered dish to put away in the fridge for the kitten's meal. Zale's head whipped around and he looked between my face and the window, trying to decide if I'd gone blind to how hard it was raining out there.

Annie was a wonderful mother but I always got the impression from watching her around Zale, particularly since he became mobile, that she hovered a bit. It was completely understandable to me why she would be that way after everything she had been through in her life and after having lost Finnick the way she did, before their child had ever taken a breath of air.

Zale was all she had left of him. Before the rebellion and the war there had been a need for them to keep their relationship a secret (which they obviously hadn't done a very good job of since Finnick's name was almost certainly pulled from the Quarter Quell reaping ball on purpose and Annie's as well before Mags took her place) so they had lived separately, snuck around as best they could to be together. They had made sure to never appear together in public in any sort of a romantic way lest the Capitol citizens who thought Finnick's heart belonged to them know he was off the market.

Annie was great with Zale as a baby but once he started walking and doing that thing toddlers do - where they unintentionally look for certain death around every corner - she became more and more watchful of her son. It was fine when he was still a little guy, but I could tell during the last few years of visits that Zale was starting to get a little resentful of how closely his mother kept tabs on him. I was amazed that she allowed him to come visit us alone and had only called twice to check in on him since he'd been with us. I wondered again if maybe she was dating someone and perhaps he was having a positive influence on her allowing Zale some breathing room.

"You mean I'm allowed to go out in the rain?" Zale asked in awe. "But…but couldn't I get sick?"

I chuckled and shook my head.

"It's pretty warm out, I'm not too worried about that but if you'd rather not…" I started and Zale shook his head from side to side emphatically.

"No, no! I'll go!" he said setting the kitten down and patting his chest and thighs as he looked himself over quickly. "Is it okay if I wear this?"

I took in the dark blue t-shirt and tan cut-off cargo shorts he was wearing and shrugged.

"Looks fine to me, and don't bother putting on shoes if you're just staying in the yard. We should probably let the ones you wore hunting dry so we can clean the mud off of them later." I said as he was already making his way for the back door.

"Could I practice shooting some more with the bow and arrows? I'll only shoot at those target boards on the trees out back." He promised and I smiled.

I had placed those targets there years ago for Peeta to practice with and he used them… occasionally. I had surrendered myself quite a few years before to the realization that Peeta was happy enough to let me be the hunter and he, the baker. Neither he nor I saw any reason to be bothered by the juxtaposition of our daily activities with me doing the more traditionally male job of hunting and he, the more traditionally female job of cooking and baking.

I always knew that Peeta wasn't the sort of man to be bothered by such idiotic stereotypes, one time when one of his buddies from town made a joke about our seemingly flip-flopped gender roles, I overheard the conversation from the back room and decided to go against my usually chaste public reputation to save my floundering husband.

Peeta was stuttering a response when I sauntered out, walking purposefully between the men gathered in the storefront around Peeta, with a batch of small, chocolate drizzled bunt cakes for the display case.

I remarked that the strength and attention to detail Peeta honed in his work at the bakery had given him skills in bed beyond that of anything a more obvious _manly_ career path would have ever been able to, and that I appreciated those talents nightly. Only Peeta, myself and occasionally Haymitch when the windows were open on a quiet enough night, knew for sure that we didn't have sex _every _night, but by the half impressed, half envious looks cast Peeta's way, I decided my mission had been a success. It was confirmed later that night when Peeta enthusiastically showed his appreciation for my little stunt at the bakery after we chased each other around the house and upstairs to bed.

He hunted when he wanted, sometimes even alone on days I was irretrievably lost inside my own dark thoughts and spent from morning until night swaddled in the blankets of our bed. I cooked a few nights a week and helped him out at the bakery. However, I had never quite gotten the hang of frosting so I stuck mostly to working the register and doing any paperwork required to keep our supplies in stock.

As I came awake from my daydream of the past, I noticed Zale standing by the back door waiting patiently for me to come around and respond. It was a perfectly natural thing to him that the adults in his life should occasionally trail off in the middle of a conversation and stare into space or stay in bed for hours at a time fighting off the horrible memories of their past in the Games. This made me both sad for Zale who would likely always have to endure such oddities in those he loved, and proud of how mature beyond his years he was in this particular way.

"Sure, sweetie," I said and smiled to let him know I was alright.

"Just make sure you don't hit any of the geese if they wander over. Haymitch might chase after you with his walking stick if you do and it'll just embarrass him when he can't catch you." I said with a wink and Zale chuckled and nodded.

"Promise. Just the targets." He assured me and I moved over to the door with him, picking up the kitten as it was meowing and pawing at Zale to be held.

"Have fun." I said taking a step closer to him. "Come in if you start to get chilled."

I dropped a kiss on top of his head gently and smiled down at him. Zale blushed, gave the kitten a pat on the head, and then slipped out the door without another word.

I watched him for a few minutes as he gathered up the quiver of arrows and his own smaller bow, trudging out to the middle of the yard as the rain almost immediately soaked his clothes through to a few shades darker. I felt a strong sense of pride seeing him try to hold his hands and body the way I taught him to and smiled when he hit the target with only his second shot. It wasn't in the center like I would have been able to do, but he at least hit it which was better than Peeta did in his first few lessons.

The telephone ringing took me away from watching him but only for a moment as I grabbed the cordless receiver off of the wall and brought it to my ear as I headed back to the door to watch Zale.

"Mellark's hunting school, how can I help you?" I said after noticing on the small screen in the middle of the phone that it was the bakery number.

Peeta laughed softly on the other end.

"Hey, how'd he do this morning? You get much practice in before the rain started?" He asked and I grinned, thinking of how I was going to have to break it to Peeta gently that Zale had shot a turkey on his first outing. Peeta's own turkey hadn't been bagged until his third or fourth trip into the woods with me to learn.

"Sure we did. Had a couple of missed rabbit and squirrel opportunities…" I said and cringed, already preparing for Peeta's outrage at having been out-hunted by an 11-year-old. "…but he shot a pretty good sized turkey for our dinner before we got driven out of the woods by the rain."

I had mumbled that last part and bit my lip to keep from laughing at the shocked silence on the other end of the phone.

"Seriously?" Peeta half groaned/half laughed.

"Wow, so it's official…" he chuckled on the other end. "I am a fucking _joke _with a bow and arrow.

He sounded exasperated and I chuckled sympathetically back.

"Hey, I told you before…" I said lowering my voice even though Zale was outside and I could tell Peeta did not have me on speaker phone in the bakery. "…your talents in _other_ areas of expertise are much more important to me than whether you can hunt or not." I whispered silkily.

"_I_ can hunt but there are other things only _you _can do for me that I find are vital to my personal gratification." I purred and rubbed my chin against the top of the kitten's head when he climbed up to hold onto my shoulder.

"Bedroom things?" Peeta asked and I rolled my eyes at his thick headedness.

"Uh huh." I said with a fake, cheery voice and could hear the smile in his voice when he replied.

"Awesome." He teased and then sighed softly as if remembering the original topic of our conversation.

"Eh, alright…so the kid can hunt." He conceded and then asked what we were up to.

"Well," I said glancing at the oven where Zale's turkey had just been placed.

"We spent the rest of the morning and early afternoon learning how to prepare a turkey for eating, stuffed it, fed some of the giblets to Buttercup Two, and now Zale is back outside practicing shooting arrows in the rain." I said and _I_ even noticed the tenderness in my voice as I shared the details of our busy morning with Peeta.

"Sounds like fun. When will the turkey be ready so I make sure I'm home in time for dinner tonight?" He asked and I told him around 5 as the kitten mewed in my ear next to the phone and then sniffed it curiously when he heard Peeta's voice coming through.

"Hey kitty, are you having fun with that rowdy kid?" He asked in a voice that made me think of the way he talked to babies that were brought into the bakery. I smiled and chuckled as the kitten mewed again and looked around trying to find Peeta.

"He's looking for you babe, he misses his big buddy." I laughed and shook my head as the kitten jumped down to the ground, landing perfectly on his feet and skittering off to try and find Peeta.

"How bout you? You miss your big buddy too?" he asked playfully and I chuckled in answer.

"Still sore?" Peeta asked, lowering his voice so that only I could hear.

"Still thinking about how I got that way, so I guess I am…" I whispered back and felt a quick ripple of warmth course through me again at the memories of the night before.

"Good. See you at 5." He purred before hanging up the phone.

I sighed and hung up the phone, thinking about how I had already lost the inital battle to keep abstinent during Zale's visit and that if Peeta kept talking to me that way and bossily hanging up phones on me, I might lose another battle that night as well.

I spent the rest of the afternoon preparing mashed sweet potatoes, string beans, creamed corn, and a salad with the leftover fruits and vegetables from our garden by the lake. I occasionally peeked out the kitchen window to see what Zale was up to when he moved on from shooting arrows after about an hour and a half of running back and forth into the tree line to retrieve them. His next stop was up on the porch where he used leaves from one of the areca palm bushes beside the house to make himself a rather handsome hat that looked fit for the cattle men I'd seen on the Victory Tour stop through District 10.

When he finished, he left the hat hanging on the top of one of the rocking chairs and stood in the doorway so that I could check if he was dried off enough to enter the house.

"Well, you look like you pass inspection, why don't you go get a shower and you can help me finish up dinner before Peeta gets home?" I suggested.

"Sure! Is Peeta bringing home any desserts for tonight?" he asked excitedly and I raised my eyebrows.

After the excitement of his puke-fest the night before, I was surprised that Zale wanted to eat _anything _much less desserts. He'd bypassed breakfast and lunch, only drinking a few cups of water that I saw since we'd returned from the woods.

"Sure you're up for dessert tonight?" I asked warily and looked him over.

"Yeah, sure. I feel fine now." He shrugged and thundered up the stairs, loud even in bare feet. I shook my head and gave Peeta a quick call to request as bland a dessert as he could scrounge up.

Zale may have claimed to feel better, but I wasn't interested in a repeat performance from the night before.

When Zale appeared back downstairs around 4, he set right to heating up and feeding some more of the giblets to the kitten without being asked and set the table for dinner before offering to help me with the rest of the preparations.

I found myself warming up to the idea of a child to keep me company while Peeta was a work, to teach how to be mannerly and helpful in the way Annie had done with Zale, and to let be silly and play in the rain on warm summer days when the only future they had to worry about was the afternoon.

"I think you've done your fair share of work for the day," I told Zale as I basted the turkey and placed it back in the oven.

"Why don't you go watch some television until Peeta gets home and then you'll have the energy to brag to him about your first turkey over dinner?" I suggested and Zale grinned and nodded.

"Go on." I said and he thanked me and bounced off towards the living room with the happily fed kitten right on his heels.

Yes, making a family with Peeta was something I really could see myself doing without much fear anymore.

Peeta arrived home at about a quarter till 5 with a big kiss for me and a celebratory angel food cake with strawberries and cream for Zale.

"Good choice." I whispered as Zale bounded into the kitchen asking Peeta roughly a million and one questions from what he brought for dessert to whether he thought the turkey he shot was bigger than the first one Peeta himself had shot.

I found myself unable to stop smiling at the youthful energy that seemed to fill every corner of the house since Zale arrived and if I was reading Peeta's face correctly when he came down after a quick change of clothes, he had obviously been afflicted with the same contagious joy.

Peeta let Zale recount every minute of our day together over dinner, never interrupting him except to comment on something he said or to ask a question that led to even more excited sharing.

"I made myself a hat from some of the palm leaves on the side of the porch, I hope that's okay." The boy said as he worked his way through a drumstick more slowly than he'd eaten anything else that week so far. I noticed he only took a helping of each side dish as well and Peeta and I shared a look that said he saw Zale's hesitancy to eat too much or too fast as well.

"I could make one for you tomorrow Peeta. I mean, that is if I'm staying around the house…" Zale said looking between the two of us and I nodded.

"Sure you can." I smiled and took a second helping of white meat for myself and scolded Peeta for feeding the skin from his own drumstick to the kitten who was sitting looking up at him expectantly from between our two chairs. "Tomorrow is Wednesday so we'll clean out Haymitch's chicken coop in the morning and then you've got the rest of the day to yourself."

Zale made a face about the coop cleaning but seemed pleased that it would only take up part of the day.

"Actually, I was going to come home around lunch tomorrow and paint a little if you want to give it a try yourself." Peeta offered and Zale smiled and swallowed a mouthful of mashed sweet potatoes before he answered.

"Really? You'd teach me how to paint?" Zale asked raising his eyebrows hopefully and Peeta laughed softly and nodded.

"Maybe I could make something for my mom…she'd probably like that." He said proudly and Peeta and I shared a warm look.

The love Zale shared with Annie was something to aspire to as a parent. I only hoped that I would have as special a relationship with my own children one day as the one I saw blossom between those two from the first time I saw them together.

"Absolutely! I'll show you some different techniques and you can decide which you like best. I'm sure your mom would love anything you made to take home for her." Peeta said as he stood to begin cleaning up the dishes from dinner and asked Zale if he wanted some angel food cake.

"Uhh…maybe I'll wait and have mine tomorrow with lunch." He said nervously and put a hand over his full stomach.

"Are you sure?" Peeta asked, trying to hide a knowing smile.

"I had a lot of dinner so I'm good for now," Zale replied trying to look like it was a decision he'd thought a lot about. However, I knew that from queasy look that passed over his face when Peeta first took out the cake, as well as the strawberries and cream to go with it, that he wouldn't be having dessert that night.

"Can I be excused or do you want me to help with the dishes?" He asked politely and Peeta shook his head.

"You shot the bird, Katniss cooked; I'll clean up here if you both want to go relax with some television." He offered and I gave him a quick peck on the lips before following Zale out into the living room.

I suspected Zale was tired when he had come down to help with dinner already in a pair of sleep pants and a sleeveless undershirt for bed, but I could tell for sure that he was exhausted when he stretched out on the couch without even bothering to grab the remote to put on what he wanted to watch. Instead, he let me choose and I settled on a romantic movie that I knew would put him out like a light in no time at all.

I smiled down at him as I came to the end of the couch where Zale's head was and tickled his neck to make him sit up a bit so that we could share the couch. The steady rain we'd been experiencing since lunch had stuck with us into the night and was actually on its way to intensifying into a thunderstorm.

I was pleasantly surprised when, as soon as I sat down, Zale scooted forward from where he had been half sitting up so that I could join him, and laid with his head in my lap facing the television. I was startled that he would do something so reminiscent of his younger years when he had spent most of the week trying to show Peeta and I how manly he'd become. After the initial shock wore off, I was delighted to have been given back a small piece of that little boy I had watched grow into the little man before me.

I felt my eyes well up with tears and wondered if this was how parents felt all of the time; engaged in this endless tug-o-war between celebrating new milestones reached and mourning the things that would never be new again like first smiles, first laughs, first shaky steps from the safety of one parents' arms to the other.

I subtly wiped the corners of my eyes and dropped my right hand to thread my fingers through the soft, strawberry-blonde waves of hair on Zale's head like I'd done a hundred times before. I could feel him take a deep breath (perhaps he'd even yawned) as he relaxed his neck muscles and the warm weight of his head pressed harder into the thigh it was resting on.

I sat there, stroking his hair and watching his lashes take longer and longer to make the trip back towards his brow. Whatever movie was on the television had been long forgotten as all of my attention was focused on the head in my lap and the rise and fall of Zale's back as he drifted off to sleep in my arms.

"Told ya."

Peeta's deep voice startled me from the little world I'd slipped into that contained only myself and Finnick's son and I looked up at him slightly dazed as he stood in the kitchen doorway.

"You're a natural." He finished with a smile and walked over to sit on the arm of the couch that I was leaning against.

I smiled and leaned my head into Peeta's side gently, soaking up all of those wonderful feelings of home and family that had become more welcome in my heart over the past few years and certainly over the past few days.

He reached up and toyed with the single braid winding its way down the right side of my head and flicked his thumb back and forth across the tip of it lovingly. We were pulled out of our reverie by a bright flash of lightning and a closer, louder crack of thunder than any others so far that evening.

"Want me to carry him up?" Peeta whispered and I shook my head and rubbed Zale's back when he startled slightly from the thunder.

"Nah, just let him lay there for a little longer…I'm comfortable like this." I said and Peeta leaned down to kiss the top of my head, holding his lips against my part for a long few seconds as I continued to stroke Zale's head.

"Sure." He finally whispered and then moved over to stretch out in the recliner and we watched the rest of the movie in comfortable silence.

Peeta did eventually carry Zale up to bed and tucked him in while I showered quickly and pulled on a pair of Peeta's shorts and a tank top for bed. I towel dried my hair so that it was only damp before I left the bathroom and entered our bedroom rubbing my nightly lotion into my patchwork of skin.

I could smell that Peeta had already put his lotion on, even from across the room where he lay in bed waiting for me.

"Storm's really kicking up." Peeta said nodding towards the closed windows. "I put the air on a little higher so that it'll reach the second floor tonight and I closed Zale's windows too."

I lifted the sheets and climbed into bed where I found Peeta wearing a matching pair of shorts to the ones of his I'd put on.

"Still look better in those than me," Peeta mumbled when he saw me looking between the two of us during another flash of lightning and I snuggled into his arms with a smile.

"I found the copy of the memory book we keep at the cabin under Zale's pillow when I put him to bed." He whispered beside my ear and I felt a stab of sadness straight to my heart and brought my arms up to lay them over Peeta's around my waist.

"Opened to Finnick's page?" I asked in a loud whisper and Peeta sighed as I felt his nose rub up and down the length of my neck in back as he nodded.

"Of course," He whispered back and I turned over and wrapped my arms around Peeta's waist, needing to be closer to him. I always did whenever I thought about the good people we'd lost and how fortunate I was to still have Peeta.

"We should let him take it home with him." I suggested and Peeta made what I assumed was a noise of approval. I settled my cheek against his chest and his hands smoothed my hair down my back lovingly.

"I'll just tell him to keep it in his room so it doesn't upset Annie." I whispered and lifted my head to kiss his throat, his chin and then his lips lightly.

"I think he has a pretty good idea of what and what not to say around her already based on my eavesdropping on their phone call the other morning." Peeta admitted and I crinkled my nose.

I had noticed this as well having listened in on one of their calls earlier in the week myself. Zale kept the conversation light and it was obvious he also kept it on track and moving forward, pulling his mother back in with only a key word or two when she must have drifted off to some other topic.

"I know, I listened to their conversation the first night he was here…" I admitted as well and Peeta smiled and tilted his head to press his lips to mine gently.

The kiss was just beginning to deepen into something more when we both pulled apart with a gasp after another loud, rumbling crack of thunder shook the house following a close lightning strike.

We shared a full-bellied chuckle together and Peeta pulled the covers up over our heads so that we were hiding under them together like little children might do in a storm. I giggled softly, unable to help the nervous reaction. It was one I'd had to the sound of thunder since Prim and I were small children sharing a bed and overreacting to the power of nature you feel when a thunderstorm rolls though.

I pushed aside those thoughts of Prim with only a passing feeling of guilt. I loved my little sister with all of my heart during the time I had her, but if I was to be able to move on with my life, I needed to not let every daily event that reminded me of her spoil my good mood. It was especially important when I was with Peeta, like in that moment when I could hear him still chuckling softly during our shared a moment of youthful joy together in the quiet of our own bedroom.

"Woah! That was a big one." I laughed and snuggled into Peeta's arms again as we tried to find our way back together in the inky blackness created beneath the sheets.

"Mmm…it was." Peeta chuckled back and I felt his strong hands slide down my back to grip my ass tightly through the thin shorts I was wearing.

"I think I need you to find a way to distract me from the storm so I don't get scared…" he teased and I felt his lips move up the curve of my jaw to my ear where he lightly tugged on the lobe with his front teeth.

The sensation created by him nipping at my ear in the complete darkness beneath the covers put all of my senses on heightened alert since I couldn't really tell where he might go next without being able to see into his eyes.

"Peeta…" I warned, but it sounded pathetically weak even to my own ears as he gently rolled me to my back and straddled my left thigh. My traitorous body surged up towards his when I felt how hard he already was each time he ground his hips down into mine.

"The rain is loud and it's thundering…he won't hear us." Peeta whispered against my cheek.

I could feel him leaning on one elbow on the mattress beside my left as his free hand came up to sneak beneath the tank top I was wearing. He caught one breast in the V between his thumb and forefinger and slowly began to massage up to the nipple as it hardened and again I couldn't help but raise my back into his gentle touch.

"Peeta…" I said again but this time it was a whimper; an appeal for him to keep going. Peeta's response to my words was immediate.

"Kat…I love you."

He moaned against my cheek and moved his mouth back to mine, tugging at my full bottom lip with his teeth like he'd done to my ear. I moaned back and opened my mouth to him, welcoming his tongue in where it tangled with mine.

"I love you too, Peeta. Uhn! You feel so good…"

I gasped between kisses and lightly scratched my fingernails up and down his sides from just beneath his armpits to the waist of his shorts and back, causing Peeta to grind his hips harder and faster into my hip.

We were so caught up in our little bubble of sensations beneath the covers that we barely noticed the next flash of lightning or tremendous clap of thunder until the next, less natural sound we heard was the creak of the door next to ours and the timid knocking of a small hand on our own bedroom door.

We both froze and Peeta tugged the covers back from our heads as we worked to catch our breath.

"Zale?" Peeta called out in as normal a voice as he could manage with a raging hard-on.

"Yeah?" Came the timid reply on the other side of the door and Peeta climbed off of me and sat up against the pillows on his side of the bed as I righted my clothing and tried to do the same.

"What's wrong?" Peeta asked looking over at me in the dim light and touching his stomach. I assumed he was asking me if I thought Zale might still be feeling sick so I shrugged and looked back at the door as it opened slowly and the boy's head appeared through the crack.

"Umm…well…I was wondering…um…if I could sleep on your floor…maybe…if it's okay…" he mumbled.

I could just see the edge of a pillow sticking through the crack as well and assumed a blanket wasn't far behind.

Before Peeta or I could answer, another bolt of lightning lit up the sky followed by a booming rumble of thunder. Zale shot into the room like he was on fire and perched wide-eyed on the end of our bed. I glanced over at Peeta with a small smile as Zale's request suddenly made sense to me.

He was scared of the thunderstorm.

I bit my lip to keep from smiling when I noticed Peeta was almost as close to tears as Zale, but obviously for a completely different reason.

"Uh…yeah…yeah, sure." Peeta said with a sigh and nodded to the comforter folded at the end of the bed that Zale was sitting on.

"Take that and lay it out on the floor at the end of the bed and use your pillow and blanket." He directed and Zale nodded as he slipped off the bed and tugged the comforter to the floor.

We looked at each other again as we listened to Zale arranging the makeshift bed and an apologetic smile was exchanged between the two of us. I reached out for the middle of the bed and Peeta's hand met mine there without a word.

He threaded his fingers through mine and gave my hand a light squeeze as we held each other's gaze as best we could in the dark bedroom and shared a silent promise for another time.

A few moments later Zale's head popped up over the end of the bed and he smiled bashfully.

"Sorry…I just don't like thunderstorms." He said so quietly that we could barely hear him over the rain pelting the sides of the house.

"It's okay, Zale. Everyone is afraid of something." I said climbing out of bed and walking around to where he was kneeling on the floor. I set a hand gently on his back and guided him to lay down with his head on the pillow before covering him with the blanket he had dragged with him from next door.

"Just get some sleep okay? Peeta and I will be right here if you need us." I promised and brushed his bangs back from his forehead as he nodded slowly and closed his eyes.

"Goodnight, sweetheart." I whispered and leaned down to press my lips to the space I had uncovered on his forehead and Zale snuggled into the blankets looking a little more relaxed.

I watched him for a moment before I got back into bed and moved over, prepared to go to sleep in Peeta's arms.

"Wait, wait!" Peeta hissed as I was backing up into his chest.

I immediately froze and looked back over my shoulder at him.

"What?" I hissed back and he shook his head.

"I…I need a few more minutes here before we can cuddle, Katniss." He groaned.

I smiled sweetly at Peeta as I rolled over to face him and rested my head on his pillow. We were close enough to touch but I could tell Peeta didn't want me to do so just yet, so I folded my hands under the pillow with a little grin.

"Ah, shut up…" He whispered loudly and glanced at the window as yet another bolt of lightning lit up the night sky.

"It's a lot easier for you to back up the excitement train than it is for me." He grumbled and smiled to temper his words.

"You know, if we're going to start trying for a baby in a few months, you're going to have to get used to being interrupted like this more often…" I reminded him and Peeta smiled.

"Yeah I know. But if it means I get to watch you take care of our _own _child as well as you took care of Zale tonight, then I think I can put up with the occasional parenting related cock-block." He said with a wink and I stretched my neck out to kiss him softly.

"Mmmm…being a real adult is tough work sometimes." I teased in a whisper and Peeta grunted and tugged me over into his arms.

"Tell me about it." He whispered and I rested my head on his chest, listening to his heart and the occasional toss and turn from the end of our bed as I drifted off to sleep.


End file.
